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01:02I hated it.
01:04Comment allez-vous?
01:06The Newfoundland accent was not meant to parlez-vous.
01:09Can anyone in this class form even one sentence in French?
01:14Mr. Critch.
01:16The only French words I knew were the ones that meant the same in English.
01:20Je suis aller à la matinée avec ma fiancée encore.
01:32I barely knew any French, but that was still more than my French teacher knew.
01:36Bien.
01:38Bien.
01:40Anyone else?
01:42You're a brain, idiot.
01:44There was nothing more shameful at school than being smart.
01:47You'll all have to do much better before our European trip.
01:52Each year, the grade eights traveled to Europe for French immersion.
01:55Who didn't love France?
01:57France is a horrible place, children.
02:00Bicycles.
02:01Nude statues.
02:02The foul stench of wine and cheese intermingling on the lips.
02:09As they...
02:11French kiss.
02:13That is why I expect you to behave the way Jesus would have.
02:18Like North Americans.
02:20I knew that the French would get moi.
02:23Romance, art, Jerry Lewis movies.
02:26I could reinvent myself there.
02:28And maybe impress Fox with my je ne sais quoi.
02:36Excusez-moi, madame.
02:38Est-ce que je vous connais?
02:40Croyez-vous en l'amour?
02:41L'amour?
02:42L'amour?
02:47L'amour tout s'improche comme un lèvre.
02:53Hey, dumbass.
02:59Why is it so close?
03:00What?
03:01That can't be right.
03:03Luckily, we don't have to go to France, for France has come to us.
03:08Saint-Pierre-Miquelon is a tiny French island just 19 kilometers off the coast of Newfoundland.
03:14What a rip. That's not France.
03:15En Francaise.
03:16En Francaise.
03:17C'est votre vie.
03:18Ce n'est pas sape d'elle merde.
03:20Fox was fluent in swearing, but Sister Rose hadn't heard those words in either language.
03:24Excellent, Fox.
03:25When England won the Seven Years War in 1763, they got Newfoundland and France got these two tiny islands.
03:35so we are going to France technically no Eiffel Tower no Louvre my dreams were
03:43finny it's three friggin hours on a bus you better sit with me well then again
03:48I don't want to be stuck with some loser impossible
03:58please can I go I don't know mark it's awful far almost four-hour drive with
04:02the ferry I suppose I could chaperone no I haven't been abroad before you had your
04:09chance with two world wars weren't too concerned about seeing France back then
04:13were you colorblind I think it could be lovely for him to see the world before
04:18he does whoa who said anything about dying here I guess I could ask excellent
04:25I'll just leave a little room in your suitcase for duty-free
04:32so all right oh yes
04:36Mike I had a thought with Mark and Pop gone to Europe oh yeah and Mike Jr at work yes yeah we're gonna have
04:50the house all to ourselves mm-hmm all alone for the first time in 17 years we could get to bed a little bit early
05:03I could use a sleep
05:06windows stay closed no unscheduled bathroom breaks like Moses and the Red Sea this aisle will remain parted those are the rules
05:24excuse me sister do you mind if I just squeeze past your arse
05:32boys and girls
05:33boys and girls
05:40bonjour mes amis
05:42whoo next stop Europe excited it's not real France it's just a knockoff oh come on
05:48where's your sense of adventure little miss red huh do you know what San Pierre is famous for
05:55sucking
05:56no
05:57rum-rumming
05:59prohibition
06:00see booze used to be illegal then like drugs are today oh no San Pierre was a bootlegger's dream
06:08now quiz
06:10who knows who Al Capone is
06:13the gangster yeah he's Robert De Niro from the untouchables will you two shut it
06:19go ahead old man
06:20I mean Mr. Crutch
06:22hmm
06:23well
06:24he needed illegal booze for his nightclubs
06:27so he had 80 boats
06:29snaking
06:30300,000 cases a month from San Pierre to Newfoundland
06:34and then they'd smuggle him across the border to the states
06:37he got so rich
06:39rich he built a church just so that everyone would look the other way
06:43okay
06:44that's pretty badass
06:45yeah
06:46can we go see the church
06:47sure
06:48sister Rose would love that
06:50I was beginning to doubt pop's reasons for coming
06:52how do you know so much about it
06:54I won't have you filling their heads with legends and lies
06:57and I don't know what possessed you to sign on as a chaperone
07:00but I know that you can only be possessed by the devil
07:03just clear the aisle sister
07:05those are the rules
07:07this was going to be a long trip
07:24France
07:25words escaped me
07:27mostly because I wasn't good at French
07:29did we just drive in a circle
07:32this place looks just like home
07:34this sucks
07:35I thought Fox would fall in love with France and me
07:39but I guess some things just don't translate
07:42écoutez l'enfance
07:45maintenance
07:47le français
07:48s'allemand
07:49French immersion became submersion
07:51as sister Rose drowned in the foreign tongue
07:54l'enfance
07:55le museum
07:56allez vous
07:57tout
07:58lemons
07:59oh my lord
08:01I never realized you had such a
08:03bought email
08:04madame
08:17avec moi
08:19the only thing that sucks more than you're French is this trip
08:24exotic
08:28oh no
08:29nope
08:30mary
08:35who broke the table
08:37it's just the two of us tonight so I took the leaf out
08:47what's this
08:48French onion soup
08:49Alice lent me the bowls
08:51I figured everybody else was in France so we should be too
08:55onion soup
08:56I don't like onions
08:57there aren't any onions in it silly
08:59it's just hot water and French onion soup mix
09:02what's all this then
09:04Swiss cheese
09:06Swiss French
09:08I need a passport just to eat my supper
09:11is there any turkey left?
09:12you couldn't get laid out of a chicken's arse
09:14you know that?
09:15good god
09:16I'm trying to be romantic you arsehole
09:18when do we ever really talk?
09:20I never do is talk
09:21oh and you never listen
09:23I'll get it
09:28you couldn't get laid in a cage full of monkeys with a fist full of bananas
09:37hello
09:38you have a collect call from
09:39hey dad it's me mark and everything's okay but a burp poop to me but that's good luck bye
09:43why pay long distance when you could jam all you had to say into the space for the caller's name
09:49will you accept the charges?
09:51god no
09:52it was like an audio postcard
09:54oh that was murk he's fine
09:57good
09:58no more interruptions
10:01you're gonna have a romantic night tonight if it freaking kills ya
10:05phone's off the hook
10:08I know
10:09you know that
10:11a woman needs to be romantic
10:13will you get out of it?
10:15what's she saying?
10:30shh
10:31she just said Al Capone
10:34your papa's right
10:35ah yes
10:36good eager
10:37joyeux noel
10:38y a-t-il des questions?
10:39madame
10:40oui madame
10:41qu'est-ce que c'est?
10:42une guillotine
10:44sa guerre
10:54oui très bien
10:56brain
10:57what a loser
10:58silent
10:59as you can see my students speak French fluently
11:03if you like you could practice your English for a bit
11:07my English?
11:09yes I speak English very well
11:12well
11:25Al Capone's hat
11:31is that so?
11:33the nun can frig off so can we
11:46excusez-moi
11:49vous allez oĂą?
11:51sorry no speak a love French a
11:54pop was up to no good but this is my chance to show Fox my sophisticated side
12:08Patrick?
12:21Patrick?
12:23Patrick?
12:25ah!
12:26jesus
12:27shhh
12:28shhh
12:29shhh
12:30they'll hear you for goodness sake
12:31shhh
12:32besides we're in a house of worship
12:34it's a little late for you to find God isn't it?
12:37somebody must be looking down on me
12:39they brought me to you didn't they?
12:40don't start
12:41tell me the real reason you're here
12:43fine
12:45so it was 1925 you'd just broken my heart before I came home to you
12:50you must be looking down on me
12:52they brought me to you didn't they?
12:53don't start
12:54tell me the real reason you're here
12:56fine
13:03so it was 1925 you'd just broken my heart before I came to Saint-Pierre where I'd heard that this Capone fella needed some guys to roll rum out to the schooners where the coast guard couldn't find them
13:24they were paying a fortune 50 cents a gallon
13:27I've never seen money like that
13:28I've never been good with temptation
13:31well
13:37are you coming to hear the rest of my confession?
13:42who is your professor?
13:57what's the French word for chaperone?
14:01voila! real French cheese!
14:11you know their cheese doesn't come in slices
14:16no?
14:17uh... jars of whiz then?
14:19they have all kinds
14:21camembert
14:22brie
14:23and my favorite
14:24bleu
14:25bleu
14:27ugh
14:28that stuff reeks
14:29you really had it before?
14:31le fromage bleu?
14:32all the time
14:34i have it with a cream cracker with a cup of tea at bedtime
14:37goes down smooth
14:46uh... i think it's a little off
14:49a little off
14:50it's supposed to be rotten dumbass
14:52but
14:53you knew that
14:54right?
14:55yeah
14:56i prefer mine more off
14:58mm-hmm
14:59take another bite
15:02yeah
15:04yeah
15:05yeah
15:06yeah
15:07ugh
15:08ugh
15:09ugh
15:10ugh
15:12ugh
15:13ugh
15:14ugh
15:15ugh
15:16ugh
15:17oh
15:25oh
15:26for the love of god mike
15:27i will shove that radio up your arse
15:29and that'll be the only action you get
15:31and later on we'll have nightline with ron pumfrey
15:34but first
15:35a request
15:36listen to our son is a bit of a mood killer there casanova
15:39this is mike critch jr
15:40and this one goes out to mom from dad
15:44which is kinda gross
15:45here's the furies with when you were sweet sixteen
15:47oh
15:51oh
15:52oh
15:53oh
15:54oh
15:55oh
15:56oh
15:57oh
15:58oh
15:59oh
16:00oh
16:01oh
16:02oh
16:03oh
16:04oh
16:05oh
16:06oh
16:07oh
16:08oh
16:09oh
16:10oh
16:11oh
16:12oh
16:13oh
16:14oh
16:15oh
16:16oh
16:17oh
16:18oh
16:19oh
16:20oh
16:21oh
16:22oh
16:23oh
16:24oh
16:25oh
16:26oh
16:27oh
16:28oh
16:29oh
16:30oh
16:31oh
16:32oh
16:33oh
16:34oh
16:35oh
16:36oh
16:37oh
16:38oh
16:39oh
16:40oh
16:41I speak French like a Spanish fish.
16:45Yes, yes, me too.
16:48If you're a real person, you're going to do it with a knife?
16:51Pompous ass, kick yourself, brawler.
16:54When it came to French curse words, Fox wasn't a brain.
16:57She was a genius.
16:59That's my fault, you little bitch.
17:03I was just about to say the same thing here.
17:06You must think on whatever the French word for an idiot is.
17:12Idiot. No.
17:15You were actually pretty cute.
17:20So, can you just admit you can read the street signs now?
17:25It's this way.
17:31Uh, what's it, brawler?
17:33You're not old enough to know.
17:36Sorry.
17:37Oh.
17:42Ah, yes.
17:44Here it is.
17:45Abandoné.
17:47Nous sommes abandonés.
17:51Brain.
17:56Uh, hurry up.
17:58God, this was so much easier the first time round.
18:01But what's down there that's so damn important?
18:04A few bottles in my load kind of gone.
18:08They were missing.
18:10Well, they came looking for me.
18:13But, you know, you really don't want to be crossing out a poem.
18:17Find him!
18:18I left something in this church.
18:19I just wanted to see whether it was still there.
18:32Ah!
18:33Yes.
18:34Oh, they'd kill me if they came back here.
18:38But thank God they're all dead.
18:40So screw them.
18:42Now, what do you know?
18:50Someone will hear him!
18:52Ah!
18:53Oh, Jesus.
18:54No, no.
18:55Good God.
18:58Oh, rats piss.
19:00They've eaten the money.
19:01Oh, my God.
19:02Don't you people ever clean these churches?
19:04Someone's coming!
19:05All right, all right, all right.
19:06There was one more little thing.
19:09Leave it, you old fool!
19:10Woman, go!
19:11Oh!
19:13Well.
19:14Welcome, my old beauty.
19:16Look at that.
19:18Yes.
19:19Magic, come on!
19:21Why do you pretend you're not smart?
19:34I mean, if I knew French like that, I...
19:36Every year, I get a new teacher, and the first thing they say is,
19:40I taught your brothers.
19:41And then on, I'm stupid or I'm trouble.
19:44If I do well, they say I cheated.
19:46So, why bother?
19:48It's not fair.
19:50You shouldn't hide who you are.
19:53Look who's talking.
19:54I'm being serious.
19:57You're not your brothers.
19:58You're really special.
20:05What's... what's that over there?
20:11That's Newfoundland.
20:12Cool.
20:13It's pretty.
20:15From a distance.
20:18It's beautiful.
20:21I thought you said France was better.
20:24Sometimes you have to be away from something for a while to realize how special it really is.
20:28It really is.
20:37Uh, France.
20:39Half the poodle.
20:40But we have the Newfoundland dog and the Labrador retriever.
20:43Uh, we even have our own time zone.
20:45And...
20:46Oh.
20:47Uh...
20:48We should...
20:49get going.
20:50That guy.
20:51Oh my god.
20:52I didn't understand what she was saying.
20:54I...
20:55I...
20:56You don't speak French, do you?
20:57Oh my god.
20:58Oh my god.
20:59Oh my god.
21:00Oh.
21:01Oh my god.
21:02Oh my god.
21:03Oh my god.
21:04Oh my god.
21:05Oh my god.
21:06Oh.
21:07Oh.
21:08Oh.
21:09Yeah.
21:10French, do you?
21:24Oh my god.
21:28Oh my...
21:32You know,
21:34a lot of things that don't
21:36get better with age.
21:38You, my dear,
21:40do.
21:42Sometimes you have to be away from something
21:44to realize just how special it is.
21:46Because it's all too easy to take the things
21:48we love for granted.
21:50And now, the weather.
21:52Tomorrow until Tuesday, we can expect light showers
21:54on the Avalon, followed by periods of
21:56and drizzle.
21:58Heading into the weekend...
22:00It hurt my back!
22:02If you can find someone to love you
22:04for who you really are,
22:06that's what the French call
22:08l'amour vrai.
22:10True love.
22:12You, my dear,
22:14and I'm not going to die.
22:16You should know it's a bit more
22:18than a day.
22:20I don't want to see you.
22:22I'm not going to die.
22:24You can't be a little bit more.
22:26You can't be my little bit more.
22:28You can't be a little bit more.
22:30You're not going to die.
22:32You're not going to die.
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