- 8 months ago
Jill has everything. a successful career, four close, if somewhat exotic, friends (her ‘family’) and a live-in lover. They provide for all her needs including, eventually, a baby. But that is where reality sets in.
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Oh
00:00:30This is about as candid as the Queen at Christmas.
00:00:37What can we do that says woman of power?
00:00:40I could flash my credit cards.
00:00:43What's your latest book?
00:00:46This one.
00:00:48Very nice.
00:00:50Is he as young as he looks?
00:00:51One of my youngest.
00:00:52I have very special plans for him.
00:00:54Have you indeed? Shouldn't I meet him?
00:00:56You'll be meeting him tonight.
00:00:58We're with the family tonight.
00:01:00I know.
00:01:01You're bringing this person to the family room.
00:01:03You haven't brought anyone in years.
00:01:05You checked if it's all right?
00:01:06It's been cleared.
00:01:09Jill, you are having a thing with this lad.
00:01:13More than a thing if you're bringing him to the family room.
00:01:16You haven't had us round lately.
00:01:17Has he been staying with you?
00:01:21How long has this been going on?
00:01:23It can't have been very long.
00:01:24We'd have known about it.
00:01:28I hope you won't find it too boring.
00:01:31You're not bothered about whether I like them.
00:01:35Of course I am.
00:01:39Why should we spend money
00:01:41On a show or two
00:01:43No one does those love scenes
00:01:47Exactly like you
00:01:49You've made me feel so bright
00:01:52I want to hand the world to you
00:01:55You seem to understand
00:01:57Each foolish little scheme I'm scheming
00:02:00Dream I'm dreaming
00:02:01Now I know my mother
00:02:03Taught me to be true
00:02:06She meant me for someone
00:02:10Exactly like you
00:02:12Well I thought she sang that better than Ruth Etting
00:02:17She always does
00:02:18I don't know
00:02:19I can't seem to push my lower register up
00:02:21You should bring your upper register down
00:02:22And sing as if you're speaking
00:02:24I didn't know you could sing
00:02:25You didn't know she could sing
00:02:27She was one of Max Rhinestorne's original blueberries
00:02:31But she gave it all up to be humble
00:02:33They always behave like they're some kind of company
00:02:35Oh never mind
00:02:35Perhaps I can help you look after them
00:02:37I don't think you could handle us
00:02:38We're very bad children
00:02:39Eric
00:02:40The lighting stinks
00:02:43Well
00:02:43The band gave me the budget
00:02:45Then you take it again
00:02:46From the top
00:02:48Oh well I'm so tired
00:02:50Mr. Van Strowman
00:02:51There's a temperamental actress
00:02:53There's a hot spot
00:02:55Hunt
00:02:56Action
00:02:56Now I know why mother
00:03:00Mother
00:03:00Taught me to be true
00:03:02Be true
00:03:03She meant me for someone
00:03:06Exile
00:03:07Oh that'll be dolly
00:03:08Can you get it
00:03:09We haven't fully recovered from the accident yet
00:03:12Yes although the doctors say
00:03:13There's nothing organically wrong with our legs
00:03:16We
00:03:16We
00:03:18We
00:03:18We
00:03:18We
00:03:19Hello dolly
00:03:22It's so nice to have me back where I belong
00:03:26This is Nicky
00:03:28Nicky say hello to Jill
00:03:30My name's Tormach
00:03:31But everybody calls him Nicky
00:03:33Nobody calls me Nicky
00:03:35Don't they
00:03:35Well they soon will because it suits you
00:03:37Doll if you stop being so flamboyant
00:03:39Jill is a literary agent now
00:03:41She can help you with your book
00:03:42What book
00:03:43Haven't you written a book
00:03:45Well you must
00:03:45Everybody must
00:03:46You can write about the Falklands
00:03:50Nicky's a Gurker
00:03:51A guardsman
00:03:52Very big the Falklands
00:03:53Very commercial
00:03:54Now look I thought you said there was a toilet
00:03:56Just under the stairs
00:03:58You just bring him round for Pete
00:04:04I am taking him inside
00:04:08You're going to be awful
00:04:10Me I'm never awful
00:04:12But you know how they are about the family room
00:04:13You've brought someone
00:04:15I was given permission
00:04:16Mine's special
00:04:17So is mine
00:04:18Oh come on dolly
00:04:20How long have you known him
00:04:20It's not how long
00:04:21That matters
00:04:22I met him tonight
00:04:24Well how long have you known the writer
00:04:26Dolly I think you'll fit in
00:04:27Honestly I've never felt that way about anyone before
00:04:29Now I do not see you maintaining a permanent relationship with anybody but us
00:04:33Well you're probably right
00:04:35You were part of a couple
00:04:37Before Charlie died
00:04:38Surely you can see how I might want it
00:04:40Me
00:04:42I am always on the lookout for Mr. Right on every street corner
00:04:47Hey even after the one that tied me up and stole my paintings
00:04:50Well I met Charlie at the Serpentine didn't I
00:04:52So you never know I do keep open
00:04:54But you you've never needed anybody but the family
00:04:57How is your chappy getting on
00:05:02Alright I think we seem to like him
00:05:04Well wish us luck then
00:05:10Don't disturb yourself
00:05:22This is my friend Nicky
00:05:28This is Peach, Blingo, Margot and
00:05:31Ben
00:05:31Ben
00:05:33Hello
00:05:33Hello
00:05:35Nicky read your column
00:05:39Yeah
00:05:41Most days
00:05:44Very enjoyable
00:05:46It's just gossip
00:05:48Can we have a drink then
00:05:51What's going
00:05:52Lukewarm pina colada
00:05:55The ice makers on the Fritz
00:05:57Fritz land
00:05:58Fritz the cat
00:05:59Old Fitzgerald had a farm
00:06:01Very good
00:06:01That's not right
00:06:02He didn't ask
00:06:05You asked
00:06:06It isn't done Jill
00:06:07It simply isn't done
00:06:09And we have at least six parties a year
00:06:11To which Dolly can bring every hustler
00:06:13From here to Piccadilly
00:06:14But not when it's just the family
00:06:16Well I don't think he is a hustler
00:06:17Poor lamb
00:06:19He must be wondering what planet he's landed on
00:06:22You see
00:06:23The whole evening's crumbled to bits
00:06:27So
00:06:32So nobody here is actually related to Dolly
00:06:35Darling
00:06:36Nobody here is related to anybody
00:06:38Where did Dolly say he was bringing him
00:06:41To meet his family
00:06:42We are his family
00:06:43But by choice not accident
00:06:45You know
00:06:47Peach used to write short stories
00:06:49Wrote and published
00:06:51Quite successfully
00:06:52Lingo was a proper journalist
00:06:54Politics wars
00:06:56Oh yes
00:06:57Quite proper
00:06:57Then I saw a boy shot
00:07:00Maybe cry
00:07:01I didn't want to be crying all the time
00:07:04So now we do a happy job
00:07:05You must find all this very odd
00:07:07Well it's not what I call typical
00:07:09If Peach and Flingo aren't brother and sister
00:07:14Then what are they?
00:07:15Well they've been married forever
00:07:16Jill lives alone
00:07:18Dolly lives alone
00:07:20And I live alone
00:07:21He was nice
00:07:27I really liked him
00:07:29Oh you know Margot
00:07:31She'd gladly share one of her people with you
00:07:33I just didn't want to go home on my own tonight
00:07:37Yeah
00:07:37Or two
00:07:37Well come home with us
00:07:39Well Ben mind
00:07:41He knows who comes first
00:07:42He's staying for Cornflakes
00:07:59Oh no
00:08:00I'm going to get six models ready by nine o'clock
00:08:03Humanly
00:08:04Don't you want me baby
00:08:05If you're still lying in bed at the moment
00:08:07Do you sleep with us?
00:08:08Just for comfort
00:08:11I did tell you we take care of each other
00:08:15Well I need some comfort
00:08:18Can I help?
00:08:21Can you stay at home and watch me write?
00:08:23Not really
00:08:23We can spend the evening on it
00:08:25I'm not sure I'm ready for a novel
00:08:29Darling a novel isn't any harder than a poem or a short story
00:08:32It isn't even better
00:08:33It's just longer
00:08:34Why them?
00:08:37Why who?
00:08:40Why are they your family?
00:08:44I don't know
00:08:44I just are
00:08:45We're all orphans
00:08:49Only children
00:08:50Misfits
00:08:51You'd fit it anywhere
00:08:53In life's great jigsaw
00:08:55I'm just an all-purpose piece
00:08:57A masterpiece
00:08:58Yes I know you have every confidence
00:09:02So do I
00:09:02And that's why I don't think we need to accept any less than we're asking
00:09:05No Robert
00:09:06It's not unheard of
00:09:07I know of at least three similar deals
00:09:08One of which is mine
00:09:09Hold on a minute Robert
00:09:11Until Norma's on the other line
00:09:12Shall I put it under Henry?
00:09:14Damn right
00:09:14I need to talk to her
00:09:15I'm just finishing
00:09:16Robert darling
00:09:17Can I call you back?
00:09:18Thanks
00:09:18Bye
00:09:19Norma
00:09:21Hello darling
00:09:22How are you?
00:09:23How did it go?
00:09:24Ah
00:09:25Ah
00:09:26Laryngitis
00:09:28How can a robot catch laryngitis?
00:09:32I mean what do you need it for?
00:09:33Hmm?
00:09:33Romana
00:09:34I wonder where we'll all be in ten years time
00:09:36Just where we were ten years ago
00:09:41Right here
00:09:43Not feeling restless are you?
00:09:48Oh
00:09:48I'd like to be a film producer
00:09:51And become one
00:09:52You know everybody who knows everybody
00:09:54But I never make things happen Peach
00:09:56You always seem to get what you're after
00:09:58Uh uh
00:09:59Not true
00:10:00I've never gone after anything in my life
00:10:02I've just accepted whatever's come after me
00:10:05I'm sure I look as though I know what I'm doing
00:10:08But I'm just drifting really
00:10:09Yeah
00:10:10Well you're a fortunate sort of drifter though
00:10:12Quite good things happen to you
00:10:13Yes
00:10:14But I'd like something new to happen
00:10:15That I could control
00:10:17Well why don't you take an interesting holiday
00:10:20African trek or something
00:10:23You could go to Japan
00:10:24Japan's quite different
00:10:26I'm pregnant
00:10:29Is it Ben's?
00:10:34Yes
00:10:35Have you told him?
00:10:37No
00:10:37Well luckily they're gone
00:10:40You could go to that clinic you went to last time
00:10:43I thought I might have it
00:10:47Have what?
00:10:50The baby
00:10:51Why?
00:10:55Why not?
00:10:56Because it would ruin your life
00:10:58I didn't think he wanted real children
00:11:01Well I don't especially but
00:11:03Well I thought it might be fun
00:11:05And it would certainly be different
00:11:07Have you ever held a baby?
00:11:09I know they're revolting
00:11:10And I'll admit I've seen
00:11:1122 year old mothers look older than I am
00:11:14But
00:11:14Well I wouldn't let myself get worn down
00:11:16I'd
00:11:17I'd have a nanny and go straight back to work
00:11:19Of course I wouldn't do it unless you all agreed
00:11:21Oh well you're not deserting us then
00:11:23Of course not
00:11:24It would be ours
00:11:25What about Ben?
00:11:27Well
00:11:27I'll tell him we're having a baby
00:11:29And if he wants to stay around
00:11:30I mean
00:11:30You all like him don't you?
00:11:33Well
00:11:33He can do as he pleases
00:11:35So long as it's alright with the rest of you
00:11:36Does make good copy
00:11:39One of the country's most successful businesswomen
00:11:44Now she really has everything
00:11:47We could do a series of articles
00:11:48You must wear renaissance colours
00:11:50And perm your hair
00:11:52Perhaps we could deliver it ourselves
00:11:54Right here
00:11:55Yeah let's do the show
00:11:56Right here
00:11:56Lordy Miss God
00:11:58I don't know nothing about burting babies
00:12:00There ain't none of us who knows nothing about burting babies
00:12:02We'll have it in some nice smart hospital
00:12:05We could take her to Fortens for tea
00:12:06Are you going to breastfeed?
00:12:09It's going to make me sick
00:12:10Well I feel the creation of a brand new cocktail coming on
00:12:13Something with lots of grenadines
00:12:14I think I shall call it
00:12:15I think I shall call it
00:12:15The Baby Balloon
00:12:16Do you think I'm mad Peach?
00:12:22Oh darling
00:12:23I'm beginning to think it's all rather splendid
00:12:25I mean after all
00:12:27What's a family without a baby?
00:12:31God knows
00:12:31None of us is ever going to have one
00:12:33Beech
00:12:35Was there never a time when
00:12:38When you and Flinger considered it?
00:12:47Darling
00:12:48Flinger and I are so close
00:12:50We're like
00:12:50Two halves of the same person
00:12:52Since the day we first met
00:12:55We've not been apart for more than several hours
00:12:57We make love all the time
00:13:02But we never have sex
00:13:05Not the kind that makes babies
00:13:07So
00:13:10What do you think?
00:13:15You do understand
00:13:16There's no pressure on you
00:13:18Of course I'd need this room for
00:13:23A nursery and a spare room for the nanny
00:13:25So you'd have to work in the bedroom
00:13:26But if that didn't suit you
00:13:28We could always get you an office
00:13:29And talking about the practical things
00:13:33I suppose to lessen the shock
00:13:34Well you had imagined us together
00:13:39For a while, hadn't you?
00:13:44I hadn't imagined us being apart
00:13:46I do love you Jill
00:13:49But as my lover
00:13:51Not
00:13:51Oh darling
00:13:52Do you think I'm suddenly going to go all mumsy
00:13:55And sit at home watching Jack and Norrie
00:13:57I don't want less excitement
00:13:59I want more
00:13:59Don't you want to know what it's like to have a baby?
00:14:04I'm too selfish
00:14:05Well be selfish
00:14:06Walk out now
00:14:07And I won't think any of the less of you
00:14:08Or stay and see how you like it
00:14:11And if you still get fed up
00:14:12Well you can leave any time you want
00:14:13And you'd manage on your own?
00:14:15Not on my own
00:14:16With the others
00:14:17I'm offering you all the pleasure
00:14:22And none of the responsibility
00:14:24You won't get a better offer than that
00:14:27Well not this week
00:14:30Head down
00:14:36Looking at the papers
00:14:38There's nobody here
00:14:39Great
00:14:40Great
00:14:41Super outfit
00:14:42Yes
00:14:43Very national health
00:14:45Lovely
00:14:46Now
00:14:47I've just come in
00:14:50Super
00:14:51Super
00:14:52Super
00:14:53Super
00:14:54Is that the best you can do for a tummy?
00:14:58Sorry
00:14:59I mean that's
00:15:00That's all you get at four months
00:15:01Hmm
00:15:02Hmm
00:15:19Hello
00:15:20Morning
00:15:21Have you got my papers?
00:15:22Yes
00:15:23Thanks very much
00:15:24Excuse me
00:15:25Is this you?
00:15:27Oh dear
00:15:29Yes I'm afraid it is
00:15:30That's great
00:15:31Paul
00:15:33Mrs
00:15:34Oh
00:15:35Jill
00:15:36Jill's gonna be a mum
00:15:38I've seen you around quite a lot
00:15:40It's really good
00:15:41My two could do with some company
00:15:43I'm Sheila by the way
00:15:45Hello
00:15:46And this is Paul
00:15:47Hello Paul
00:15:48And Evie
00:15:49Evie
00:15:50I've got some stuff I can lend you
00:15:53Oh thanks very much
00:15:54But I think I've got everything
00:15:55I've got a Moses basket
00:15:56That my boss gave me when I had Evie
00:15:58It's in good nick
00:15:59Well they're not in for long
00:16:00That sounds lovely
00:16:01I'll bring it round sometime
00:16:03When's it due?
00:16:04January
00:16:05Oh
00:16:06You've got the Westminster?
00:16:07No Wimbledon
00:16:08That's miles away
00:16:09Yes
00:16:10Couldn't you get in round here?
00:16:11Well my doctor's out there actually
00:16:13Private
00:16:15On account of your age I expect
00:16:17Yes partly
00:16:19Never mind
00:16:20You can always ring my bell if you need me then
00:16:22Thanks I might take you up on that
00:16:23You'd be using disposables?
00:16:25Disposable what?
00:16:26Nappies
00:16:27Oh yes
00:16:28Probably
00:16:29Yeah they'll cut you working off if you can afford them
00:16:32Jill
00:16:33Jill I've got to talk to you
00:16:34Well look I'll see you around
00:16:35Yeah
00:16:36Right bye bye
00:16:37Bye bye
00:16:38Jill I promise you
00:16:39This is the part that's going to make all the difference
00:16:40And I know I'm going to screw it up
00:16:41I just know I'm going to blow it
00:16:42Why should you?
00:16:43Because the character has to be thin
00:16:44And I've never been so hungry
00:16:45You see I keep eating things
00:16:46And then I eat more things to push the first things down
00:16:47What have you got in your fridge?
00:16:48Well not very much just some fruit and some cottage cheese
00:16:50Margot
00:16:51Oh
00:16:52Oh
00:16:53Oh
00:16:54Oh
00:16:55Oh
00:16:56Oh
00:16:57Oh
00:16:58Oh
00:16:59Oh
00:17:00Oh
00:17:01Oh
00:17:02Oh
00:17:03Oh
00:17:04Oh
00:17:05Oh
00:17:06Oh
00:17:07Oh
00:17:08Oh
00:17:09Oh
00:17:10Oh
00:17:11Oh
00:17:12Oh
00:17:13Oh
00:17:14Oh
00:17:15Oh
00:17:16Oh
00:17:17Oh
00:17:18Oh
00:17:19Oh
00:17:20Oh
00:17:21Oh
00:17:22Oh
00:17:23Oh
00:17:24Oh
00:17:25Oh
00:17:26Oh
00:17:27Oh
00:17:28Margot darling
00:17:29Put it down
00:17:30I can't get into it anyway
00:17:31Sit down Margot
00:17:32Sit down
00:17:33Here darling
00:17:34Now have some of this
00:17:35Come on
00:17:36There you are
00:17:37There
00:17:38That's better isn't it
00:17:41Here have some
00:17:42There you are
00:17:43There you are
00:17:50Uh uh
00:17:51I think food stopper's needed
00:17:53Food stopper is here
00:17:56You do not have to eat this
00:17:59I will throw it out of the window
00:18:02That could kill someone if it hit them on the head
00:18:04No it couldn't
00:18:05It's only a fun size
00:18:06No
00:18:07No
00:18:08No
00:18:09No
00:18:10No
00:18:11No
00:18:12That is too much
00:18:13You should hardly make the flame of a candle flicker
00:18:15Flicker
00:18:16You and that pamphlet
00:18:17I think I am going to go to the class next week
00:18:20Oh
00:18:21Dully
00:18:22How gorgeous
00:18:24What is it?
00:18:26It's for the infant phenomenon
00:18:28I wonder how old it will have to be to wear that
00:18:30I wonder how old it will have to be to wear that
00:18:31Oh I don't know
00:18:32A couple of months I suppose
00:18:34Oh no more
00:18:35I mean they dribble so much when they little it would just ruin the velvet
00:18:37What if it's deformed?
00:18:38It's not
00:18:39I've had all the tests
00:18:40Yes but what if you got the tests wrong and you actually had a deformed child
00:18:44I'm not sure I could love it
00:18:45Jill would love it
00:18:46She loves us
00:18:47She loves us
00:18:49Honestly
00:18:52Well you don't want me drinking do you?
00:18:54Mrs Fletcher is downstairs
00:18:55Who's that?
00:18:56The health visitor
00:18:58Oh my god
00:19:04Hello
00:19:05Hello
00:19:06Ah it's very nice of you to call
00:19:08Well we do you know
00:19:09Just to see how you're getting on
00:19:12Won't you sit down?
00:19:14Oh
00:19:17Are you feeling well?
00:19:24Oh ridiculously well yes
00:19:26Oh good
00:19:27And I don't suppose there are any problems with accommodation?
00:19:31No
00:19:32I mean I can see it's all very
00:19:35But may I ask
00:19:37Where will the baby sleep?
00:19:38On the top floor
00:19:39So you'll have plenty of room then
00:19:42Honey we don't know that when we come you see
00:19:44You're just on our list
00:19:45Oh
00:19:47Thank you darling
00:19:48I was just about to offer
00:19:49Oh
00:19:50Very nice
00:19:52Won't you join us?
00:19:54Oh no I'm working
00:19:55Upstairs
00:19:59Ah
00:20:00He's a writer
00:20:01Oh I see
00:20:04Will he be at home to help with the baby?
00:20:06Er
00:20:07I think so
00:20:08Will there be anyone else around to help out?
00:20:10Oh
00:20:11Yes
00:20:13Who?
00:20:15Oh
00:20:16Lots of people
00:20:19And a nanny
00:20:20Oh a nanny
00:20:22And how long will she stay?
00:20:23Permanently
00:20:24I work
00:20:27And how long will you be at home before you return to work?
00:20:29Erm
00:20:30Well I thought about three weeks
00:20:33Four
00:20:34Well
00:20:35You can see how you feel when the time comes
00:20:38Do you have any friends with young children?
00:20:40Not really
00:20:42Well no
00:20:44Are you going to the classes?
00:20:45There's this very good little group locally
00:20:47So
00:20:52So
00:20:53Your neck
00:20:54Shoulders
00:20:56Arms
00:20:57Now relax your hands down
00:20:58Do you know that's the mistake I always make
00:21:00I always want to relax my arms before my shoulders
00:21:09Do you think you'll manage to have it naturally?
00:21:11Me?
00:21:12Oh I'd like to be anaesthetised in the 8th month
00:21:13Oh I don't think they'll let you do that
00:21:15I'm not very good with pain
00:21:18Have you chosen your song yet?
00:21:20Oh dear the singing
00:21:22I'm not sure about that
00:21:24I think I'll feel sillier singing than screaming
00:21:27It's good about yours turning round
00:21:29Yes it was a relief
00:21:30You see Keith does want to be there
00:21:32And he didn't think he could stand to watch Caesarean
00:21:35Is your husband going to be there?
00:21:36I'm not married
00:21:38I mean I've got a father
00:21:39The baby has a father
00:21:40I live with him
00:21:42Is that the man that was at the last class?
00:21:45Oh it's nice when the father's keen
00:21:47Keith is very keen
00:21:48Ow!
00:21:49Oh are you alright?
00:21:50No it's alright
00:21:51The baby's just lying on a nerve
00:21:53The doctor explained it
00:21:54He asked me if I'd ever noticed the tendons
00:21:57When I bought a pork fillet
00:21:58God knows what he was talking about
00:21:59You didn't hear the bell?
00:22:01Ah no sorry
00:22:05Annette this is Ben
00:22:07And my friend Peach Mayberry
00:22:09Hello
00:22:13I didn't realise it was so late
00:22:14I'll just show you out
00:22:16It won't be a minute
00:22:25Where's Flingo?
00:22:26He's having his roots done
00:22:28Oh
00:22:36They're chatting
00:22:38I was just finishing a chapter
00:22:40Oh darling please
00:22:41Go ahead I'll be fine
00:22:42I'll be fine
00:22:46Yes
00:22:48Yes
00:22:49Yes
00:22:50Yes
00:22:51Yes
00:22:52Yes
00:22:53Yes
00:22:54Yes
00:22:55Yes
00:22:56Yes
00:22:57Yes
00:22:58Yes
00:22:59Yes
00:23:00Yes
00:23:01Yes
00:23:02Yes
00:23:03Yes
00:23:04Yes
00:23:05Yes
00:23:06Yes
00:23:07Yes
00:23:08Yes
00:23:09Yes
00:23:10Yes
00:23:11Yes
00:23:12Yes
00:23:13Yes
00:23:14Yes
00:23:15Yes
00:23:16Yes
00:23:17See you
00:23:18Goodbye
00:23:19Bye
00:23:20Bye
00:23:27Annette's from Maya
00:23:28Antenatal classes
00:23:32Oh
00:23:33And what are the other women like?
00:23:35Uh
00:23:36I don't know really
00:23:37What do you talk about for God's sake?
00:23:42Being pregnant
00:23:44Oh God
00:23:55Hello
00:23:56Happy
00:24:01We're in here
00:24:02I thought we must be getting near the time
00:24:04Oh
00:24:06Uh Sheila this is my friend Peach Mayberry
00:24:09Sheila's lending me this Moses basket isn't it lovely?
00:24:11Fabulous
00:24:13Well uh
00:24:14Is it going in your bedroom?
00:24:15Uh no on the top floor
00:24:16Right I'll take it out for you
00:24:17No no no don't bother it's fine here
00:24:19Thank you so much I will enjoy using it
00:24:21Yeah
00:24:22Yeah
00:24:23It's just a nice size isn't it
00:24:24I feel all cosy in there
00:24:27Have some tea?
00:24:28Tea?
00:24:29I know it all got to be getting back
00:24:30Well you get in touch if you need anything
00:24:31I will thanks
00:24:32Well
00:24:33Nice to meet you
00:24:35Good luck with yours
00:24:36Thanks
00:24:37I'll see myself out
00:24:39Oh God Peach what have I done?
00:24:49What's the matter?
00:24:51Well look at that thing
00:24:56And look at this
00:24:58Are we still going to be friends afterwards?
00:25:03Oh listen to me
00:25:04Listen
00:25:06We want that baby
00:25:08That child will have five people to love it
00:25:11Six if you count Ben
00:25:18What are you doing?
00:25:19Packing for the hospital
00:25:21But you've got ages yet
00:25:22You're supposed to do it a month ahead of time
00:25:24What's that?
00:25:27For you to wipe my face
00:25:30When I'm in labour
00:25:32Oh
00:25:37Happy Christmas
00:25:39Happy Christmas
00:25:40Happy Christmas
00:25:41Here we go
00:25:43To our
00:25:45To our
00:25:46Little mother
00:25:47Our little mother
00:25:48Our little mother
00:25:49Who would have thought it when I found her shrinking behind a desk in the William Morris
00:25:57agency with pink lipstick and her left eyelash coming off?
00:26:02I don't believe it.
00:26:04I owe everything to them.
00:26:06Well, not quite everything.
00:26:07Oh, no, that's ours, too.
00:26:08We willed it to happen.
00:26:10Well, aren't you the clever old druid?
00:26:11Is this real, Caviar?
00:26:13You people are mad.
00:26:14And you don't get to raise a turkey until Cathy Caviar is all finished up.
00:26:19There'll be no run for the infants for now.
00:26:21We want to encourage him to come today.
00:26:24King of the ages.
00:26:26Hallelujah.
00:26:26Hallelujah.
00:26:27I'd like to see the lot of you if you did start coming.
00:26:29We are prepared.
00:26:30We have been rehearsing.
00:26:33We have been rehearsing.
00:26:36Oh, very good.
00:26:55Very good.
00:26:56You are doing absolutely splendid.
00:26:59Oh, don't push yet.
00:27:03You're in transition.
00:27:06Sing.
00:27:08Yes, sir.
00:27:09That's my baby.
00:27:11No, sir.
00:27:11I don't mean maybe.
00:27:13Yes, sir.
00:27:13That's my baby.
00:27:14Now, by the way, by the way, by the way, by the way, when we reach, the preacher will sing.
00:27:25Yes, sir.
00:27:26That's my baby.
00:27:27No, sir.
00:27:28Don't mean maybe.
00:27:29Yes, sir.
00:27:30That's my baby.
00:27:31Now.
00:27:33Yes, sir.
00:27:34That's my baby.
00:27:35No, sir.
00:27:36Don't mean maybe.
00:27:37Yes, sir.
00:27:38That's my baby.
00:27:40Now.
00:27:58She's coming along now, but you can only see her for a few minutes.
00:28:11Well, I don't see why we couldn't have watched.
00:28:13Wouldn't have been any trouble.
00:28:14Here he is.
00:28:36How do I know he's moaning?
00:28:43Can't you tell?
00:28:45Not really.
00:28:47Are you going to feed him now?
00:28:49Well, I'm not quite sure what to do.
00:28:50Don't worry, I'll help you.
00:29:00What's the matter?
00:29:02You're just feeding, Sister Miles.
00:29:03You can't keep going when a baby cries like that.
00:29:07You'll wear him out.
00:29:08Poor little chick.
00:29:11Don't worry, you'll get him fed and give him a nap.
00:29:33It's all right, you can go back to bed.
00:29:55What is it?
00:29:56It's not your baby.
00:29:57Don't worry.
00:29:58Now go back to bed.
00:30:07Oh, Margot.
00:30:08Well, let's get it on in, then.
00:30:10Now, will it wake you?
00:30:11No, they sink through anything.
00:30:13Here, I'll help you.
00:30:14No, we're not allowed to.
00:30:15Why not?
00:30:15Well, they have to wear the hospital clothes until they leave.
00:30:17It's a rule.
00:30:18What sort of rule's that?
00:30:19Ways for hygiene, I think.
00:30:20Jill, would I bring your child a dirty nightgown?
00:30:23No, of course not.
00:30:24But even at 140 quid a day, this place is still an institution.
00:30:27Look, I'll make sure he wears it when he leaves.
00:30:29Honesty, Margot.
00:30:29His face is in little furrows.
00:30:39Oh, look.
00:30:40He's waking up.
00:30:42Oh, hello, Jamie.
00:30:44Support his head, bitch.
00:30:46Come to Auntie Peach, then.
00:30:48Oh, Nick.
00:30:50Hey.
00:30:54He's tired.
00:30:55I'll take him back to the nursery.
00:30:56He just needs to get used to her, Ben.
00:30:59Is anything wrong?
00:31:11Oh, no.
00:31:12They're doing the circumcision.
00:31:15I have three boys.
00:31:16I can never get used to it.
00:31:19Well, they do say it doesn't really hurt.
00:31:22Why don't we go into the day room for a while?
00:31:25All right.
00:31:28When was yours born?
00:31:29Six days ago.
00:31:30You're all?
00:31:31Um, oh, a couple of nights ago.
00:31:34And is it all settling down all right?
00:31:36Is he feeding all right?
00:31:37Um, no, I'm having a few problems with feeding, with breastfeeding.
00:31:41Now, that's a shame because it's very convenient in the middle of the night.
00:31:45When I have a nanny, I thought she could do the night feed.
00:31:46But you probably wake up anyway, and it makes all the difference to the smell.
00:31:51The smell?
00:31:52When they do their business.
00:31:54Either end.
00:31:55If they're on formula, it stinks to high heaven.
00:31:59We're very sensitive to odors in my family.
00:32:02And so are we.
00:32:03I had a lot of trouble with my first because I was very tense.
00:32:07I think tension's part of my problem, too.
00:32:09But one of the nurses taught me yoga breathing.
00:32:11Well, I could show you if you like.
00:32:13Now, feet firmly on the ground.
00:32:15Don't cross the legs.
00:32:16Back supported in the chair.
00:32:18Head on top of the spine.
00:32:19Take two fingers.
00:32:20Center of the forehead.
00:32:21Now, block off one nostril with the thumb and take a deep breath.
00:32:24Breathe in, block off the nostril, release the thumb.
00:32:30Breathe out.
00:32:51All right?
00:32:52I'm just relaxing.
00:32:53Good.
00:32:54He's such a good boy.
00:33:04Now.
00:33:15He's only frantic because he lost it.
00:33:18Can you turn his head?
00:33:21There.
00:33:22For goodness sake, you're not doing anybody any good upsetting him like this.
00:33:30He'll be perfectly right on the bottle.
00:33:32Come along, little tinker.
00:33:35Don't touch him.
00:33:36Just take him till he calms the hand.
00:33:37Don't you dare take my baby.
00:33:39That child is in my care.
00:33:41He's in my care.
00:33:41And I haven't been with him on my own since he was born.
00:33:44This is a very emotional time for you.
00:33:47Get out of here.
00:33:48Get out of here.
00:33:48Shh.
00:33:49I know you didn't ask for any of this.
00:33:59I know you didn't ask for any of this, but we've got to get it right, haven't we?
00:34:04Yes.
00:34:04I'm sure you're pleased to be wearing your own finery.
00:34:18Uncle Dol is waiting at home to take your picture.
00:34:21What?
00:34:21Oh, it's a fashion thing about mothers and babies coming home.
00:34:25You're joking.
00:34:26No, what's wrong?
00:34:28Well, for a start, I look like an old dishcloth.
00:34:30He looks like a prune.
00:34:31Oh, I think you look pretty good, all things considered.
00:34:34I hope he doesn't start acting up.
00:34:36Oh, why should he act up?
00:34:37Well, if you can just hold him up a bit higher.
00:34:44Oh, God, is he all right?
00:34:46Because the booties are out of shot.
00:34:48I would like to get the booties.
00:34:50I think he's hungry, actually.
00:34:52Get the poor wee thing a bloody sausage roll or something.
00:34:55I mean, I can do the shot without him.
00:34:59Now.
00:35:01That's it.
00:35:03Joe, thank you.
00:35:10Right.
00:35:13Little smile, Jill.
00:35:14He'll be all right.
00:35:15Why don't you take him up and we'll see you in a minute.
00:35:19Right.
00:35:22Sue.
00:35:24Look, we'll just do a little caption that says,
00:35:27Young Master James couldn't be bothered to wake up for the camera.
00:35:35because it was like,
00:35:52oh,
00:35:53oh,
00:35:55oh,
00:35:56oh.
00:35:56Oh,
00:35:57oh,
00:35:57oh,
00:35:58oh,
00:35:58oh,
00:35:58oh,
00:35:59oh
00:36:29anyway there was all this hostility now i thought it was about the billing but it was really about the
00:36:41work i'd done in new york so finally i said look it's not that i'm better than you i just work
00:36:46differently of course i was just trying to be tactful because everyone knows in the end michael
00:36:50will tell him how to say the lines and that's how he'll do it but i knew i had to find some way of
00:36:55getting on with him so you took him home with you right and that was fine and he said next time
00:37:00could we have a threesome and i said okay assuming he'd bring along some nymphette he turns up with a
00:37:05bloke a geologist from cambridge well as you know jill i hardly ever do a threesome with two chaps
00:37:10because they get so competitive uh mrs fletcher uh mrs fletcher's my health visitor this is margot jenner
00:37:18did you see him i saw his left side he was sleeping i'll see the rest another time
00:37:24should you like some tea well i wouldn't say no the weather's simply awful well sit down
00:37:31i'll um i'll just pop the kettle on there won't be a moment
00:37:44well we might as well make a start on these they're only plain
00:37:48are you a neighbor no i'm a child's aunt oh you two sisters no are you married to her brother
00:38:00she doesn't have a brother oh and i'm not married to the baby's uncle no oh what an indulgence
00:38:09anyway the geologist and i was so attracted to each other there was no room for poor steward
00:38:15jimmy gets very fractious in the afternoons is five weeks when they start colic
00:38:19you know some people don't think there's any such thing as colic
00:38:22what milk are you using i'm feeding him myself actually are you indeed clever girl yes but i'll
00:38:27have to stop when i go back to work well they get very good value from a month
00:38:31and of course there's always the night feeds
00:38:46should i feed him in here it's um very distracting
00:38:59we've got a small playground at the end of the terrace
00:39:14pole and they won't put me in the sand pit me you know what's been there
00:39:18hole we can't move these frogs if it's all right don't worry
00:39:22oh they're smashing these little clocks you won't be seeing much of these once he starts toddling
00:39:32oh he looks like a daffodil give him here
00:39:40come on sweetheart
00:39:47oh who's a pretty boy come on eve look at the baby
00:39:52isn't he do you use a dummy sometimes yeah i think it's best to give him the comfort
00:39:58both of them are up to give it up at a year old yes but it is awful when you see children of this
00:40:02size with dummies stuck in their mouths i've got a chapter for you to read oh uh wonderful i'll be
00:40:07up in a minute
00:40:12yeah well we must get a move on before they run out the thing at the market
00:40:17well come on you two little monkeys
00:40:25come on there we go bye-bye see you soon bye-bye you two bye-bye see you soon
00:40:33bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye are you coming
00:40:40we'll try not to disturb you
00:40:54bye-bye
00:41:05couldn't debbie do this i've given her the weekend off what the whole weekend yes well it is her first
00:41:10since jamie came home well couldn't she have done this before she left she did it regenerated
00:41:15what's this i'm sorry his red top got him with the whites all right i'll come out after a couple of
00:41:21well i can't wear this it's pink why not will it suck your strength i'll tell you what you could do
00:41:25your own washing
00:41:30listen to us i know well they do say the first month's the hardest
00:41:35hmm well i think it'll all seem much more normal when you're back to work yes
00:41:40yes when are you going monday as planned
00:41:50i'll go
00:41:59oh well done
00:42:01is that his hat on back to front no i don't think so i'm sure it's on the wrong way around
00:42:05oh well never mind my god doesn't he look dopey oh they'll love him come on son we're off to see
00:42:11the wizards
00:42:25i just don't believe it you can't just put a baby in a drawer no you have to create an environment
00:42:30oh it's wonderful thank you so much oh finger-dying not too loud
00:42:37oh piglets that's my favorite song oh poo you can still hear it put him in the crate you'll like
00:42:47goodness what's wrong with him i think he's hungry i have the nuts oh purees
00:42:52eh voila i wasn't quite sure what he'd like
00:42:58he doesn't eat solids yet yes i know that's why i've done purees no i mean he only has milk
00:43:04nothing else not yet but is anything the matter with him no he's fine it's just they only had milk for
00:43:09the first few months
00:43:10the first few months
00:43:15do we have a treat for you what is it just initial
00:43:23co-star presents mr lula banker in scenes written especially for you and now here is miss bangtan
00:43:34welcome darlings to co-star the record action game
00:43:38what here's a script it's camille you play
00:43:49oh oh
00:43:52but you must show you about them
00:43:55do not look so sad
00:43:58does it hurt very much i'm used to it now oh my goodness i am sorry
00:44:02for a few minutes
00:44:15oh don't rub it blot it
00:44:20oh yeah
00:44:23hello
00:44:24what are you doing at home i just came home to feed jamie
00:44:27i thought you were just going to do the night feeds yes it doesn't take a moment to pop him and
00:44:30feed him at lunchtime i must get back i'll see you later how's the office fine it's in total chaos
00:44:46you're not going to try and take the pram in there are you well i'll carry him in
00:44:59what if he cried i just have to put up with it they know me in there they know me too
00:45:06why don't you tell us what you want and we'll get it for you
00:45:09i tell you what why don't you look after jenny look what if he cried well you're his uncle comfort him
00:45:24i went from one end of oxford street to the other looking for the same shade of blue and
00:45:29there it was all the time in marks and spencers and of course i was pleased to find it but by that
00:45:34time i had to get back because my mother was doing meals on wheels yeah well that's it innit
00:45:39i mean you end up spending more money because you don't have the time to look around
00:45:42mind start getting out of their push chairs pulling things off the shelves
00:45:46i got home one day last week started unpacking the shopping and my paul had
00:45:51it to green mascara i says to him i could get putting all away for that he would choose green
00:45:57he says i mustn't mind if the baby screams in the shops it does make me very tense and of course
00:46:02you try to get down the aisle with a pram and they look at you like you're doing something
00:46:06anti-social oh this is such a luxury sure your nanny don't mind i can't hear anything they're probably
00:46:15all asleep oh no thank you oh well maybe just half a glass anyway they always behave better with
00:46:23somebody else and everybody else's children are better than your own that's a rule i know i was at
00:46:29the clinic for the six-week check-up and all the women there well their babies were going right
00:46:33through the night oh yeah and next week they were doing their o-levels don't you believe it
00:46:42he took about 10 minutes tacking and folding and it was absolutely perfect but a two-week-old
00:46:48baby ain't gonna define nature just because his dad's done the nappy greg was so upset and i says to
00:46:54him well next time explain it to him perhaps he'll hold it in ben always gets furious with the sticky bits
00:47:00keith said he was gonna help with the nappies he hasn't done one yet no it takes ages for some men
00:47:05you see i'm not very well coordinated i mean he doesn't say anything when he comes home but i can
00:47:10see he's thinking well what's she been doing all day for the place to be in such a state
00:47:16aren't you gonna finish that oh no
00:47:24look if the house is getting you down you should get out more well you could come up to my house
00:47:33on the bus i took the baby on the bus the other day i thought i saw margaret thatcher with such a
00:47:40surprise i i thought well she must be doing a thing on the transport system but it didn't seem very good
00:47:45security well there was a man who could have been our bodyguard and it wasn't her just a similar
00:47:55hairstyle you can always come over here you know i mean i i'm out during the weekdays but i'm sure
00:48:00debbie would love the company perhaps i could be your nanny oh that's mine sounds like you really
00:48:06no i've got to get back i'll just go and get in
00:48:12she wants to get home and have a drink i can give her a drink she prefers to drink on her own
00:48:17some women get like that
00:48:28whatever that is can't you just buy another one i suppose so
00:48:31i think i should get an office oh dear did the noise get you today sorry anyway we did say you'd
00:48:42probably have to get an office why do you have to have those women over on a weekday well they
00:48:46can't come over at the weekend on their own what about your work oh they can manage without me for
00:48:53an afternoon sheila's spending a lot of time over here don't you like her i just don't see what you
00:49:00have in common aside from children nothing at all but one single thing except the children
00:49:09oh peach called this morning they're having chili and margaritas tomorrow oh dear well it'll have to
00:49:13be without me i've told debbie she can babysit for sheila so she can go visit her sister in hospital
00:49:19never mind we'll work something out
00:49:21he says he sent it well um i'll check with rosalie but i don't think it's come in yet
00:49:33oh just a minute look here it is i'm sorry um sammy would i lie to you it got lost on my desk i am sorry
00:49:41look i'll have it sent straight round in a taxi yes that's very kind of you look we must get together
00:49:47sometime no i can't do lunch for a while but uh we'll fix something why did jill want to meet here
00:49:55for lunch oh she comes home to feed the baby god i don't have to watch do i no it's a very private
00:50:00affair how's your sex life why do you ask why should we spend money on a show or two no one does those love
00:50:13it seems exactly like you you make me feel so grim i wanna have mercy you seem to understand each
00:50:25foolish little sleeve i'm steaming dream i'm dreaming no and no one other taught me to be true
00:50:33she met me for someone exactly like you
00:50:47rosalyn i can't get a line phones aren't working i'm afraid somebody's coming around to mend them
00:51:08they should be all right by this afternoon aren't we getting incoming calls either no nothing
00:51:12i've got to go home jill i'll be back as soon as i can jill
00:51:26is he all right it's fine i had the most awful feeling something had happened to him no he's fine
00:51:56it's all right i'm working at home today will you please stop pretending that everything is all
00:52:09right whatever happens whatever you want to say will you just drop the pretense that you had a baby
00:52:16and went back to work yes all right what are you doing what's going to happen to you
00:52:26you know henry's been on the phone to me half a dozen times this month because you're falling apart
00:52:31well you're hardly ever there and when you are you you you make mistakes you're not interested you
00:52:36you don't socialize well christ that's half your job you know that you think you're going to get
00:52:41away with it because you were the golden girl for a few years you think your own ghost is going to
00:52:45keep on working for you but it doesn't happen that way i thought i could go in three days a week
00:52:49you can't bloody go in three days a week you don't even want to you just want to stay here and exercise
00:52:56your tits and change nappies
00:53:03i can't understand why i just can't understand it neither can i
00:53:09i don't know what it is i keep waiting for it to pass but it doesn't
00:53:14i just seem to have no choice you just like the look of yourself as a devoted mum
00:53:19it's another disguise it isn't jill any idiot can look after a baby you mean any woman oh no jill not
00:53:25you talking like that
00:53:30i'm trying to help you get free again ben freedom's doing what makes you happy isn't it
00:53:34i remember what used to make you happy you don't care about any of us anymore do you nobody's any
00:53:41good to you unless they can talk about teething and wind and dummies don't you feel anything for
00:53:47jamie well yes yes but it was you i wanted well you knew that and you're not here anymore
00:53:56i am this is me i'm afraid no jill no it's another disguise
00:54:01drop it please just let it go i'm sorry ben
00:54:11i am so sorry
00:54:15yes it's jill look um i know it's the ballet tonight but i've just mixed a huge jug of pims and um
00:54:21well why don't you and fling go drop by on your way i'd love to see you
00:54:23oh fabulous lovely bye bye i really never thought you'd all come why not you've never asked for
00:54:32anything before no i haven't have i no you haven't you've always listened but you've never told us
00:54:39anything well there's never been anything and now now
00:54:49damn now uh now jamie has a cold and i've been up all night well i'm starting to look my age
00:54:59well i can talk to the woman across the street about jamie's cold but not about getting old
00:55:06well all right then you talk to the woman across the road about a cough linked us for the baby
00:55:11and you talk to us about a skin cream for your crow's feet well it seems a good arrangement to me
00:55:18flinger you did say you'd help out i know it's not quite the way we arranged darling i mean i know it was
00:55:24going to be an extended family and so on but well the truth is that there really is a limit to the
00:55:32amount of time a grown childless person can feign an interest in mother care i don't suppose any of
00:55:38us are ever going to be mad keen about changing nappies but you did call us and we are here only i'm
00:55:44afraid we have to leave
00:55:54i uh i uh i think i'll stay well i know how swan lake ends anyway
00:56:24what in the world is this oh i want you to the church fake looks like somebody's here
00:56:40since when were you a church girl i was helping out ah you always were hospitable towards other
00:56:46people's rubbish who are you helping i need to know the neighbors dolly i might need them someday what for
00:56:53completely on my own now you have been on your own for 10 years except of course for us yeah it's
00:57:00different with a child
00:57:04i can't say i blame ben for leaving you you're not exactly the girl he fell in love with i'm not
00:57:11exactly the girl any of you fell in love with are you saying you've changed hmm
00:57:14people don't change it's just their lives that change
00:57:23you've just found someone weaker than us to look after he's not weak he's just helpless
00:57:27helpless he's got you to give up your man your work your friends he's about as helpless as damien
00:57:34dolly i haven't given you up i'd never do that
00:57:37the other day a new friend of mine went off with the car
00:57:48no totally not at all
00:57:51said he was going to the laundrette
00:57:54expect he's in the south of france now parading around him a wide front
00:57:57i felt so wretched
00:58:04i wanted to ring you but then i thought well you'll be busy or
00:58:10sleeping or you'll you'll start talking and then the baby will start crying and
00:58:15you should have come round don't you know peach was in but flinger was that and i never can go
00:58:35i do wish charlie hadn't died
00:58:49i'm here dolly jill's here
00:59:05jimmy why should we spend money on a show or two
00:59:19no one does those love scenes exactly like you make me feel so grand i want to hand the world to you
00:59:29you seem to understand each foolish little scheme i'm scheming dream i'm dreaming now i know why mother
00:59:39taught me to be true she meant me for someone exactly like you
00:59:54she meant me but for someone she meant me i'd never do wanna do
00:59:59she thought the world was on her hair
00:59:59she meant me to be true she meant me for someone she was going to play
01:00:01it's all she said boy she thought it would be too bad
01:00:03it's all she said boy she bought me for her