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00:00Welcome to the Two Johnnies.
00:25Hello and welcome to the Two Johnnies' Late Night Blockin!
00:34There is some crowd in the bar tonight.
00:36Don't worry, John, there's just the right amount of people in the bar tonight.
00:39How do you know, like? Did you count them?
00:41John, if there's three things I'm good at, it's comedy and maths.
00:46Great, let's get on with the show. She's good with both feet, lads.
00:49She scores every Sunday.
00:51Because she's a judge and dancing with the stars, it's Karen Byrd!
00:55APPLAUSE
01:03Alright, our next guest has managed Banger, Bohemians, Caroline United, Dublin City, Shamrock Roberts, Floriana, Cork City, Monaghan United, Athlone Town, Derry City, Waterbury United and Athlone Town again.
01:14The only club he hasn't managed is Coppers, it's Roddy Collins!
01:17Also tonight, hailing from the second best Hurling County in Ireland this year.
01:28Do you mean Cork, John?
01:30I do mean Cork, John.
01:31But he's one of our favourite comedians. We'll have stand-up from Cork's Andrew Ryan!
01:36And we're delighted to get them out of Offaly for the day. It's Chasen Abbey!
01:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:50OK.
01:52Now, it's time to find out who's in the bar?
02:04We're in the bar!
02:06Who's in the bar?
02:07We're in the bar!
02:09Right, where is Sam?
02:11There he is!
02:13He couldn't be any further away!
02:15We're busting on down the back.
02:17Who's Sam?
02:19How are you?
02:20How are you?
02:21Sam, what's the crack?
02:22How are you?
02:23I'm Grant Sharon, yourself?
02:24Not too bad, where are you from?
02:25Ennis, Clare.
02:26OK, lovely.
02:27What's the story?
02:28What's your hidden talent?
02:29You'll actually never believe this, but I can play music on my teeth.
02:34It's a bit of a weird one.
02:36I'll say.
02:37OK, so how did you discover this?
02:40I actually have been the Bulls in Ocean. I've been doing it for years.
02:43I think it stemmed from when I was in school and just like not paying attention when I was supposed to pay attention.
02:47Right.
02:48It's like a tick or something, I don't know.
02:50OK, OK.
02:51Well, lads, do you want to see it?
02:52Yeah!
02:53OK, all right, OK.
02:54We're going to need a bit of hush.
02:55Hush now.
02:56OK, what are you going to?
02:57Just play it.
02:58Here, go.
02:59Hush.
03:10OK, OK, OK.
03:13Right, we all knew that tune.
03:16So, if you played one, how about we guess what he's playing?
03:19Guess that tune.
03:20Yeah, guess the tune?
03:21OK.
03:22OK.
03:23Hush.
03:24Hush.
03:25Hush.
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03:27Hush.
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03:54Hush.
03:55I'm going to try and tie a knot in this tie a knot in that's a cherry stalk. It is right. Let's we want to see Amory do this
04:04No bother you no bother you work away
04:13Weather's nice let's
04:25You know what you know what I get I'll give it give it a go of myself. All right, right come on second up
04:43Whoa
04:55What a talent Wow right lads are you ready to meet our first guest?
05:03We cross live to Seamus the Sheep right who's Seamus the Sheep got for us this week?
05:08It's between Gabriel Byrne, Bertie O'Hearn or Karen Byrne
05:14He's given Bertie a bit of attention there is he it could be for the first thing
05:19And he's of course Karen Byrne
05:25He's been dancing since you're six years old you're represented Ireland
05:55Well, I'm wondering six years old people are doing Irish dance afternoon camogie. How did you pick ballroom?
06:00You know, I actually wanted to do
06:03Irish dance but my mom was an Irish dancer and she was like
06:06It's not like it used to be they wear wigs you wear all this now
06:09It's not like you put the rollers in your hair and blah blah blah nice like my please I really want to do it
06:13She wouldn't let me do one day in school randomly
06:16Do you know the way you saw I was get your little things your notes on fair man?
06:19My it was it said like dance classes starting after skill like ballroom cha cha cha samba and I was like
06:25Oh, ma, I want to do that. I don't want class and I was literally
06:29Addicted. I was the first one there the last one leaving I'd say I used to wreck the teacher's house
06:34You're you're from Ballyferma, which is probably not from Ballyferma
06:37Yeah, yeah, yeah hundred percent
06:40Come on Ballyferma
06:41It's probably like fair to say it's not well-known for ballroom dancing. I mean was there loads of lads queuing up
06:47No, no, no
06:49No, no, no
06:50No, no, no
06:51No, no
06:53No, hang on
06:54That's why I loved it because none of my friends they were all thinking they're cool down hip-hop while I was waltzing around
06:59Yeah, none of the rest of us can do this
07:01But I imagine young lads in Ballyferma weren't queuing up around being like, will ballroom dance with you, yeah?
07:06Well, they are now
07:08Yeah
07:13Was it hard to find a dance partner?
07:14It was hard and you know, right, so when I think back this is how we used to find a dance partner years ago
07:19I said to my ma, I was like, I was getting to about 13, 14
07:22There was no boys in Ireland that wanted to dance because it was seen as like a, as you'd imagine, like a non-cool thing
07:28Yeah, yeah
07:29I said to my ma, I gets on Google, thinking back, how my ma allowed this, right, went on Google, partner search I put in
07:36And you know, years ago what you had to do, you had to put in your details, right
07:40When I think of it now, I'm probably, it's probably a bit like a Tinder for dancing
07:44Like you had to put in your height, blah, blah, blah
07:46And basically then I met this random fella in Liverpool and I was like, man, there's a fella same height as me
07:52And I think we're going to be brilliant dance partners
07:54And here's me, ma, Karen, you live in Ballyferma, he lives in Liverpool, you're winding me up
07:58He was like, Ryanair, we're going to get the flights over once a week and blah, blah, and make it work
08:03I think I was only about 14, 15
08:05And me ma was like, yeah, no bother, there you go, there's a few, Bob
08:08Off you go to Liverpool to this random family
08:11Now the family were lovely
08:12Yeah, let's have that on record
08:14And also, sure, think back, if I didn't do all that, sure, I wouldn't be dancing
08:18But how do you go from representing Ireland to dancing with Des Cahill
08:22It's different
08:25I actually, do you know, I don't have an answer to that
08:27But that was probably the best transition in my life
08:30Because Des Cahill
08:31Oh, I love Des, hi Des if you're watching
08:33He's a legend, yeah
08:34He is a legend
08:35He actually showed me, because I remember walking down and you have to, you know, do that cringy wave at the top of the show
08:40And Des was like, yeah, Karen, look to the camera with the red light
08:43And I was like, what's that mean?
08:44And he was like, you're live
08:45I hadn't a clue
08:46So like, I taught him dancing, he taught me live telly, and it was actually the perfect partnership
08:52But if you're dancing with people who aren't professionals, trying to do complicated moves
08:56Oh, your backs and bits
08:57Yeah
08:58They would drop you, our boomerangs never go wrong, like
09:00It goes wrong all the time
09:01But, like, of course, if you're on live telly and we're doing, like, mad lifts, the partner's never going to want to drop you
09:09As a man, do you want to drop a woman? Of course you don't, you're like
09:12No, no, funny you say that, because it does happen
09:14We have a clip of, of you actually been dropped
09:16This is, this is your, your old dance partner, Jason Smith
09:20Nice, nice, nice drop there
09:22Ah, that was mild
09:23And Shane Byrne, I mean, former professional rugby player, you think he'd have good hands
09:26But he still managed to drop you
09:28Come here, they all do, but you know, I always say, before a live show, I'm like, if you drop me, it's brilliant telly
09:33Everyone loves being, watching that, you know, I mean, of course, I don't want to be dropped, but it just calms their nerves
09:39If I'm like, ah, drop me for the crack, it's grand
09:41But if you get somebody who, like, just can't dance
09:45I haven't had anyone that can dance, are you joking?
09:48Can you choreograph your way out of it, like, is there a few tricks, we'll just do a few lifts
09:53Just bluff it, keep shaking, shimmying
09:55And if you can't, there's some people out there, can you shimmy?
09:58I don't know, I've never tried it
10:00They were dying for me to ask them to do something
10:04So the answer's no
10:05It's actually, yeah, just, I always think the people at home, from the waist up, once you're looking like you're having a whale of a time
10:14I'm sure Mary sitting on that chair doesn't know what the fee should be doing
10:17I mean, fluff it, fake it till you make it, that's how I'm still here
10:21How are you telling?
10:23You went then from dancer to judge, like, there's no more falls there, did it all go smooth?
10:30I used to look at the judge's table and be like, oh, imagine me sitting there, wouldn't that be lovely?
10:34And the table was so big, so I used to be like, surely there's space for another chair
10:38Just squeeze one more in
10:39Like, just squeeze me and I'd bring my own steel with me
10:42If I can take you back in time to your first, judging, your first live episode, you were nervous
10:47I was, and Jake actually said to me, Karen, that yeah, there's nothing, like, just be yourself
10:52Yeah
10:53The worst thing I could have been
10:54You got, you got pretty, you got pretty nervous when you were judging Mickie-Jo hard
10:58Oh no
10:59If I'm being honest, it was a bit stiff, Mickie
11:02But, do you know what, that could have been your trousers
11:07Like, so, genuinely, even when I said that, I was so engrossed with his dance, right?
11:13It was a Paso doble
11:14Yeah
11:15It was a bit stiff
11:16Yeah
11:17And his name is Mickie
11:18There was nothing
11:19Like, I mean, it could have, that could have been anyone to say that
11:22And it just happened to be me and me first ever live show as a judge
11:25He also had a letter of pants on, I mean
11:27And why did I have to continue on and say, but it could have been the trousers
11:31Like, what?
11:32Like, why was there any need to say that?
11:35Yeah
11:36And the worst thing about the whole thing was, right, Jake was probably more nervous than I was
11:40And where I was sitting, I could see him in my eye line
11:43Yeah
11:44For the whole night, so that was making me a bit more nervous
11:46Yeah, yeah, yeah
11:47I was like, oh God, I don't want to let you down, Jake
11:48Oh
11:49And as soon as I said that, he was like
11:50Oh God, I was like, oh, come here
11:54So you get people on, and what's the hardest dance?
11:57What's the, when you hear this dance?
11:58Right, so the ongoing thing is like people say the Samba is like a celebrity killer
12:03It is hard because a man doesn't go around bleeding, wiggling his hips and shimmy and going around the bar
12:08He's top side to side, so as soon as you start saying to any man
12:12I don't think I had Samba thankfully with Des, I didn't
12:15That was on switch-up week, he had Samba with someone else
12:17I said, Jesus, brilliant
12:19But why is Samba so hard?
12:21Because it's all about like, bouncing and moving your hips and your body
12:25So
12:27So
12:29Cammie, is there any music in this place?
12:31Can we get a bit of Samba music?
12:33Oh
12:34There we go
12:35Can you explain how we go?
12:37Can you do it, can you do it, can you do it?
12:39Can you do it, can you do it, can you do it, can you do it?
12:41Can you explain the basic steps?
12:42So that's actually, wherever I put that song on, that's very fast
12:43Right so we don't normally go that quick, but there are batch of cadas that you would do to that
12:58So basically, right
12:59I knew it was a batch of cadas
13:00Classic batch of cadas
13:02So you close your feet
13:04Right close your feet lads, I hope you all do with us
13:05I hope you all do with us
13:06Let's, and girls, come on.
13:08Here we go, let's.
13:09Right, okay, listen up, here we go.
13:10So, we close our feet, and we're gonna go back on our right, and then left.
13:13So it's literally just back, back, and stay up on your toes, wiggling your hips.
13:17So we literally go, boom, boom, boom, boom.
13:21Right.
13:22Not bad.
13:23And then we'll just shake.
13:25Ready? Music.
13:26Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.
13:28But do you reckon, we want people to, we want people to learn to dance.
13:32Oh, you're doing it behind the bar.
13:33We want people to learn to dance.
13:34Yeah.
13:35But there probably won't be too much samba music on in the pub in Tipperary.
13:37Okay.
13:38Yeah.
13:39Okay.
13:40So, can we do this to a song that you might hear in a pub in Ireland?
13:41Oh, we can make it work.
13:42Okay, you're right, lads.
13:43Kidding.
13:44Here we go.
13:45One turn.
13:46One turn.
13:47One turn.
13:48One turn.
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14:00One turn.
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14:58to go away okay we've got the DeSantis family I know already from one to six
15:08straight away Roddy you're looking at them who do you think is not in the
15:10family number three because he looks too happy
15:27no family's that happy yeah okay Karen what do you reckon now you're going close it's
15:31hard yeah no so that's what they look the image yeah that fella on the end looks
15:36like he's just been plunked there it could be him right okay awkward they say
15:41the rhythm is in the genes so let's find out we'll get them dancing let's see
15:45try you live yeah this is live and going yeah okay right hit the music
15:51oh I'm taking number four
15:57who do you reckon oh it's amazing number four is dancing with a song
16:05who's not in the family oh that's so hard I tell you I think I think number three is
16:13American number three looks a bit yeah he looks a bit foreign okay but sound is number one
16:18that girl looks too jolly compared to the rest of them okay who's not in the family
16:22what do you call it what number four you reckon Roddy Rick is four I'll tell you what say
16:28why not because we'll find out after the break
16:53welcome back to the two johnny's late night lock-in
16:58now before the break we've seen that the santos family on the streets of Galway but
17:03one person wasn't actually part of the family John yes let's go back to Galway
17:07and see lads right looking at the screens who do we think is not part of the
17:10family that's what you reckon what number
17:14what are we saying okay okay moment of truth moment of truth we think it's
17:18number four some people are saying number six would the real imposter please
17:23step forward
17:28okay number four what's your name and how do you know the family or have you ever met them
17:37before my name is Kean and I have no idea who these people are
17:42put your hands together and a big thank you to everybody on the streets of Galway
17:45now it's time for some cracking stand-up he's a cork man living in the north and he's one of our
17:55favorite comedians everybody go nuts it's Andrew Ryan
17:58right
18:19hello how we all do we all good good to be here ladies gelmene and my name is
18:25Andrew it's great to be back in Ireland I spent 16 years living over in England
18:29moved back home when I got parole and loved living over in England England was
18:34a great place to live right tell you what happened to me I was living in
18:36England geez you couldn't write it lads you couldn't write it right yeah I
18:40nearly got married right nearly married an English one geez you couldn't bring
18:43it home lads you couldn't if she was a lovely girl lovely girl very challenging
18:48relationship because she had two kids from like previous nights out just you
18:55couldn't bring it home to the mother in Cork like but I'm from Cork now right and
19:00I live up the north I live in Belfast that's where I live thank you and people
19:06always say to me like especially my brothers I was like what are you doing up
19:08there like they're mad up there like right and if you know me on a personal
19:13level you know that I'm a massive fan of tension within the community right
19:18absolutely love it up there lads right it's great crack right why am I up
19:22there I'm up there because of a woman I was stalking right she calls me her
19:29little baby reindeer and but I won so it's okay
19:36that's right happy days happy days I love it up there it's great crack now when
19:43you're from the south and you're going to date with somebody from the north because
19:45we met online right when you're from the south you're going to date with somebody
19:47from the north right sometimes you can be a bit ignorant to the ways of the north
19:50sometimes right and I was on a date with Julie we met online right first date
19:54Sunday afternoon you don't give them a Saturday night they might not look like
19:57the picture okay second day it went to the pub had a few drinks all going well
20:03lips were loose lips were loose I just start asking a couple of questions I said
20:10come here which one are you now is it boxing day or St Stephen's day like which day is it
20:19and she went crazy she was like really really you want to find out what my identity is Andrew well
20:24actually the identity issue in the north being resolved through the good fight agreement right
20:26and I don't like the fact you're coming up from the south listen to the southern media
20:29okay trying to pitch your ideas of pitching one community versus another community when actually
20:33both communities are going on really well it's just extremism on the both side that actually
20:36get on with it and I don't like the fact that we're on a second date and I'm trying to get to
20:39know you on a personal level I thought Jesus feck it she's British like she has to be British
20:43because if she was Irish she'd be like mayo for Sam or something like that
20:55I'm like you'll never see that but it's great right so we're together now Julie's great she's
21:03absolutely brilliant right and uh it was her birthday recently right I'm not gonna lie guys
21:06absolutely knocked it out of the park right knocked it out of the park you'd be so proud of me right
21:10it's her birthday recently Todd what am I gonna do what am I gonna do for her birthday Todd be great
21:14crack do you know what I did for her birthday my girlfriend from my wife from Northern Ireland
21:18I got her the Irish passport application right I thought oh little bit of freedom of movement
21:25right I thought oh and I got her the little card as well you know the 60 euro card little touch
21:30little touch little touch because we were going on a holiday uh to Greece and I wanted to go on
21:36holiday with her I didn't want to pick her up in immigration on the way back like do you know
21:39what I mean so I got her the Irish passport right and I said there you go babe there's your there's
21:45passport she's like oh no I got me Irish identity now got me Irish identity got me British identity
21:49oh my god oh I've always loved I've always loved being Irish I love boys on big fan of boys on right
21:55oh I've got me Irish identity got me British identity I've got my two identities now I said yeah
21:59catching up with your personalities look at this it's great isn't it right so she's delighted with
22:05her Irish identity now right she loves it right so we were at home one day she was an eye on me
22:10she was still walking around or something like you know what I mean right so we're at home one day
22:14I thought you know what she's wrecking me head right so I decided two days before we go on holiday
22:19I hid the Irish passport right hid it on her she's walking around the house panicking she's where's
22:25my Irish passport Andrew where's my Irish Adela can't find me I love splitting the G where's my
22:30Irish Adela Andrew day before we're going holiday I took it on I went oh there you go she goes
22:35what did you where was it I goes I just hid it on you she goes why is that goes wanted you to know
22:39what it's like from somebody from the north when do your Irish identity is taken away right
22:42so there you go
22:43so we we got divorced last week right but it's great like it's really good right she's lovely
23:00girl she's the best thing about me right but I don't know as I get older now like what happens
23:04is like when I'm watching the the news and stuff and I'm sure you're all like this you turn on the
23:07news and you go ah turn it off right it's a bit tough isn't it but I tell you something more
23:12the more I live back in Ireland the more I love being Irish right because we are amazing right
23:16because I worry about us sometimes right because I worry that like can you imagine no
23:20if we got invaded lads I'd be worried like because I don't think we could win a war just on the crack
23:29alone like do you know what I mean you take some of the biggest armies in the world right you
23:34got the American army the Chinese army the Indian army right absolutely massive armies what do we
23:40have we don't even have a thing called the army it's called the defense forces right we'll just
23:46defend we'll be like out the lot of you out turn around and get out right get me a chair put it up
23:52against the door there will you Jesus it's like it's like trying to give your granny a brandy at
23:56Christmas she's like oh no will you go away leave me an army now right now I'm a hundred percent Irish
24:01and I love being Irish by tell something lads tell something lads I'll be watching the British
24:04telly sometimes and I see the adverts for their army and tell you something lads they're sexy
24:10like they turn you like have you seen them can you make split second decisions do you want to be
24:18the best train with the best born in England made in the Royal Navy I'm like I fucking take a bullet
24:24for the king lads and his sausage fingers I definitely would I learned this recently Ireland has a navy
24:36we've seven boats lads oh the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now aren't they huh
24:45we have seven ships seven vessels and their job is to go around the island to go around the island now
24:52I don't know if they go up the north right I haven't googled it yet right so they go three
25:00quarters around the island right or up there I'm a cross community comedian pick your side lads right
25:06and their job and I didn't know this when I go to bed at night on my lovely warm pillow there's men
25:11and women out there on the water away from their own families four or five weeks at a time protecting
25:19our country they're away from their own families riding each other oh they're all at it just like
25:26just like the guards and the teachers
25:28oh they love oh they love it out in the Atlantic Ocean they love it like
25:40and they're away from they're away from away from their own families protecting our country
25:46and I'm at home and these people will never let us down if we ever get invaded
25:51but only in Ireland would this happen that one day on the news the government announced to the rest
25:56of the world that five of the ships were broken what sort of a country announces to the rest of the
26:05world that their first line of defense is broken keep your mouth shut lads tell them you've a hundred boats and say nothing right
26:15I know the UK have a policy to stop the boats in Ireland we can't even fecking start ours
26:21ladies and gentlemen it's been an absolute treat to come to this place and to do this tonight
26:34thank you my name's Andrew Ryan I wish you the very best thank you
26:36right now ladies and gentlemen it's time for the greatest quiz of all time
26:58and our first parish this week is from Guidoor in County Donegal and representing them is Lauren Furry
27:12Lauren how are you? I'm deadly how are you yourselves? I'm not too bad
27:16what do you do with yourself Lauren you're studying are you? I'm studying down Maynooth I am going to be a teacher
27:20you're going to be a teacher have you perfected the teacher debts there yes
27:24so you walk in now they're all going load of transition years going mad
27:27oh no a primary teacher oh a primary teacher oh yeah load of sixth class going mad
27:31I haven't tackled that yet but do we stare just right just give him oh that's yeah and have you got like your lines ready been like lads your life I don't mind nice and get paid on a Friday
27:42it doesn't really work half the time though right I hope when I have kids
27:45you're a bit stronger than that Lauren tell us anyway what's life like in Guidoor?
27:52deadly I was the best place on the earth it does be hot in I hear I do love it
27:56what's it like in the summer you've nightclubs oh summer's the best summer's the best like to pay
28:00fair like Guidoor during the winter yeah Guidoor on a summer's day I'm telling you it's sun shining
28:07fabulous yeah Johnny's been there it's some spot I went to the nightclub and everyone was speaking Irish although I mean I think they were speaking Irish they could have been speaking German
28:13I actually met you in the nightclub did you yeah fair play
28:17tell on
28:19give it up for Lauren everyone
28:27our second parish from the county of Galway is Mount Belieu and representing them is Michael Connolly how are you Michael?
28:32mighty knowing yourselves
28:33unbelievable lad what's the story what are you doing with yourself?
28:38I'm a postman nice yeah are you in a van or on the bike or what are you out on delivery on the van yeah
28:45you're a van man van man which do you prefer the country or the town oh the country why oh sure you can talk to people
28:52inside in the city they won't talk to you
28:54so when you're doing the rounds delivering post you'd have a chat with all the lads yeah quite a few of them yeah
28:58right what would they be saying to you absolute anthem the price of cattle the price of sheep
29:04did you get the turf in Everton what you got how must take you 14 hours to deliver the post
29:13have air codes revolutionized Everton no
29:17so would you just know where everyone lives oh you have a good book write all the names into the book and follow that like your bible
29:23right well Mount Belieu what else is going on you've got a sheep shearing festival there have you yeah it's the second year the
29:30european sheep shearing festival contestants from new zealand australia scotland wales all coming into
29:37Mount Belieu for the weekend well how would you describe that weekend raw
29:44well uh best of luck tonight give it up for michael everybody
29:51okay it's time to knuckle down now lads time to play the parish quiz we're starting with Guido and Lauren here is your question
29:56how are you Lauren i'm here with your sister Ciara i'm standing outside Malloy's shop and the question
30:03for you today is there's a car across the road in the Ghidorah colours what make is the car
30:09across from Malloy's i'm wondering if it's the same one they had for the see Ghidorah boys are in the
30:14county finals so i'm wondering if it's the same one that Donegal had for the all ironing final
30:18which was go on it's the little it the cat the crap it's definitely you know what pujo a pujo a pujo let's
30:28find out if you're right yeah yeah and the answer it's a pujo
30:32so you describe it as
30:43i don't know my car is okay michael are you ready let's go to Mount Belieu for your first question
30:51hi michael sean here from Mount Belieu i have a question for you we have three sheep roaming around
30:56here which of these sheep met new zealand ambassador at the sheep shearing festival oh lord
31:05which sheep met the new zealand ambassador rainy snowy or cloudy well cloudy why is that picking it
31:13off the top of my head okay all right let's go back to sean and find out and michael the answer is snowy
31:20of course right we're back to guidore here's your next question lauren hello lauren how you doing this
31:28is father brian o'fary the parish priest of guidore i'm outside chenogs here and as you know these luscious
31:34locks have been shaved for charities a number of occasions one of the nights we had to shave in here
31:39my question to you lauren is which irish celebrity shaved these locks in chenogs which irish celebrity
31:47shaved father brains luscious locks i only know this because i met montori island after it was tommy
31:53tiernan tommy tiernan i'm hoping i'm really hoping now i might be wrong okay well let's find out if you
31:58are right or wrong and these luscious locks were shaved by the one and only tommy tiernan
32:04right michael you feeling the pressure no come back let's go back to mount value
32:22hello michael tony here from the malt house players the malt house players did a very successful play last
32:29me what was the name of that play come on michael you're a postman you always deliver
32:40what play did the boys put on oh you have me without i haven't a clue take a guess the field
32:47the field right and the answer is the real mccoy
32:57you thought it was he says to me i thought it was magic mike yeah
33:04you know i just think not less from the lads right lauren and guidore here's your next question
33:08hello lord it's connie here from america view pet zoo in guidore how much do we charge for a food bag of
33:17animal feed to go around and feed the animals while you're at the zoo no well you're now at the zoo
33:22in guidore which i never knew there was um how much is a bag of animal feed
33:26jesus i don't know like 50 euro 50 cent euro pick one pick one it's 50 50 50. 75 50.
33:3950 she says let's find out if you're right remember if you get this one right
33:42you are this week's parish quiz winner lauren let's find out if you're right
33:46lord it's 50 cent a bag
34:02okay lads remember you've got two envelopes here right lauren this is how it works johnny
34:08is holding two envelopes in one of those envelopes is an all expenses paid trip to las vegas
34:17in the other is a bag of the aforementioned animal feed a whole 50 cents worth what's it
34:23going to be lauren what envelope are you going for i don't know do you want to give me a hint
34:26just grab one you gotta pick one you can do it yeah i'm gonna go for that one okay
34:32right lauren open the envelope let us know good luck lauren good luck
34:35i really hope it i really hope fingers crossed show the people what you want a bag of animal feed
34:44okay give it up for lauren and michael everyone
34:49now still to come we will have music from chase and abby we'll have loads more fun and games
34:53join us after a break chase and abby trying to play on us out
35:04is
35:18I took help me feel for me, left to play a tune in the middle of the tune.
35:23And she smiled and she said, oh my Johnny, oh my Johnny, don't you leave me.
35:32Oh my Johnny, oh my Johnny, and in the middle of the tune, she smiled and she said, oh my Johnny, oh my Johnny, don't you leave me.
35:48Hello and welcome back to the two Johnny's late night lock-in.
35:54You played a match at the weekend, didn't you? I did lad, tough game.
35:57And you got injured. Oh, badly. I heard you were bedridden.
36:00Several times and once in a van.
36:03Oh, right, let's get off of the show. Now, to choose our next guest, we go live to Seamus the Sheep.
36:10Right, what's Seamus serving up for us? Is it going to be, look at Seamus, he's looking well, isn't he?
36:15Is it going to be Phil Collins, Roddy Collins or Michael Collins?
36:20Michael Collins will be a tough get these days, lads. Who is it, John?
36:24It is, of course, Roddy Collins!
36:26All right, come on.
36:44Take a seat, take a seat, Roddy. How are you Johnny, what's the crap?
36:47Welcome to the bar, how are you? Thank you very much.
36:49How am I? Brilliant! Couldn't be better.
36:52You look lovely and tanned and relaxed. Are you way?
36:54Tanned and relaxed, well, I've a bottle of wine in me, so that's the relaxed area.
36:58And the tan part is I spend the most of my time in Spain.
37:01You're over there a good bit? A good bit.
37:03People say you're living out there, no. Right.
37:06I grew up seven months, come back five times, I'm back out on Tuesday morning.
37:10It's a bit like living there, Roddy.
37:12It's a bit like...
37:13I know, but you have to watch the old tax man, you know?
37:16You don't want the fella with the suitcase knocking on the door.
37:21Like, years ago, when I was a builder, he knocked the door and he said,
37:24I'm from The Revenue. I said, are you? I said, what can I do with you?
37:28He says, I'm looking for 20 grand. I said, come in and we all have a good look for that.
37:31Right, and we'd know you as a football manager, but before you were managing, you played...
37:38You played for 19 different clubs you played for?
37:43Are you a bit of a...? I didn't even know that.
37:46You got a few bad injuries though, did you?
37:48I did, I got four broken legs in my career.
37:51Well, I could go through a list of these...
37:52Were they all your own?
37:53Were they all your own?
37:55They weren't in the one day. I broke my leg, didn't play for three years.
38:00So I lost three years in my career.
38:02And then when I came back, I was struggling to get going again.
38:07Look, three years in football when you're 18 is a lifetime.
38:11They are your years when you're going to make it.
38:13Yeah.
38:14So when I came back, I was struggling to get going again.
38:16And just playing in the Jair team at Bowls, I was coming in at half-time one day
38:20and the phone rang in the hall.
38:22It was an extension phone, was that what you called it?
38:24Yeah.
38:25We picked it up. Hello?
38:26How are you doing? Yeah.
38:27Irish Independent.
38:28Yeah.
38:29What was the score of that game?
38:30I said, yeah, Trinity College 1, Bohemians 3.
38:34Who was the scorers?
38:35Collins 3.
38:36No internet.
38:37No way of checking it out.
38:40So I went by that phone every second, me, Collins 2.
38:43So every Monday morning in the inn though, I was walking on buildings,
38:48so I was called the goal machine.
38:49So I wasn't scoring goals at all.
38:51But then it went around the whole country.
38:53Did you play with any legends now like?
38:55George Best.
38:56George Best.
38:57But that was when I was 17 at Fulham.
39:01But I only played in and around the training ground when he was a superstar.
39:04Yeah.
39:05And I remember being there and getting picked one day in a training session
39:10with the crew of superstars.
39:12And he was my idol as a kid.
39:14From when I was eight, he was on my wall.
39:16Yeah.
39:17And I remember, you know, when you meet an idol, I don't know,
39:20I didn't know how to cope.
39:22Yeah.
39:23He was like a god.
39:24And then when we went training, I'm going, I don't know what to call him.
39:28Yeah.
39:29They're all going, best day, Georgie, Georgie.
39:30And I'm going, bestie.
39:31He looked up, bestie, Georgie.
39:33I went into a bleeding friend.
39:35Bestie, Georgie.
39:36Everybody got a call for him.
39:38Everybody got a pass to him.
39:40And then I realised he wasn't even on my team.
39:42So Fulham lasted about 10 days.
39:46I was going to get besties out of here.
39:49But look, yeah.
39:50Roger, you mentioned as well, like, when you were playing, that you were working on the building sites as well.
39:54Yeah.
39:55I mean, how was that, first of all, working on the building sites?
39:58I loved it.
39:59I loved building sites.
40:00But I wanted to be a footballer.
40:01But I remember playing in a European game and we played out in Belgium.
40:05And I got out of a scaffolding on a Monday.
40:08Right?
40:09And I got on a flight on a Tuesday with the squad.
40:12And we arrived out in Brussels.
40:14Went out.
40:15A big, shiny stadium.
40:1630-odd thousand people there, you know.
40:18Played against this team.
40:19And they battered us out of the ground.
40:22They battered us, right?
40:23And I was a striker.
40:24And I remember the fella be serving me.
40:26I won't name him.
40:27Lazy swine he was.
40:28Michael O'Connor, right?
40:29Anyway.
40:30Michael.
40:31I remember we were playing and they battered us.
40:34And Michael turned to me and he goes, oh, Jesus.
40:37Thanks be to God.
40:38He says, it's eight o'clock.
40:39This is nearly over.
40:40I said, Michael, that's the scoreboard.
40:42I'll give you another.
40:45Now, I want to know.
40:48How did you go from playing then into management?
40:51I...
40:52I don't know.
40:53I was playing up the north of Ireland up in Bangor.
40:56Where Andrew lives, right up in Bangor.
40:59And I'd just come off the pitch one day.
41:01And I was 33 years of age.
41:03And the chairman called me.
41:04He says, Rod, the man's not resigning.
41:07Will you take over?
41:08I said, yeah, no problem.
41:09I said, no problem to anything.
41:11No problem.
41:12And then I realised, you've never done this before.
41:14I never even stood up in front of a crowd before.
41:16Yeah, yeah.
41:17Other than in a pub or on a bilge having to crack.
41:19So, mate, I'll never forget it.
41:20For the whole week, before I was dog take over as manager,
41:23I was in the mirror.
41:24Trying to look important.
41:28Doing team talks and all sorts.
41:29Anyway, I arrived up late.
41:31And I walked in and see all you people.
41:33I walked into 20, 40 eyes looking at me.
41:36Yeah.
41:37And I panicked.
41:38And I went in the jacks.
41:39And the wind was about that size.
41:41And I said, if I could throw out that wind,
41:42they'd never see me again.
41:44Anyway, I toughed it out.
41:46Flight or fight, is that what you call it?
41:47Yeah.
41:48Toughed it out, blah, blah, blah.
41:49It doesn't really matter.
41:50I ended up being very successful at balls.
41:52Yeah.
41:53And then I got tapped into a few clubs in England.
41:55And one of them was Carlyle United.
41:56So when you go in to meet the Carlyle players then, day one,
41:59when you're managing them.
42:00Yeah.
42:01How did you get on with them?
42:02First impressions is everything.
42:03Yeah.
42:04In life.
42:05Everything.
42:06You just have to be yourself.
42:07And then I see, they told me the centre forward's big blondie fella, right?
42:11So I'm watching them training.
42:12They're doing a running session.
42:13This fella's running.
42:14Keeps looking at me and he's running.
42:16He's looking at me.
42:17And I went, he's a great attitude.
42:18Hey, big man.
42:19Come here.
42:20Come here.
42:21I said, I like your attitude.
42:22Great.
42:23You know?
42:24I said, I was a centre forward.
42:25See you.
42:26I said, you're going to get me 20 goals this season.
42:28I said, we're going to play it simple for you.
42:30Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
42:31Okay, boss.
42:32Okay, boss.
42:33Okay.
42:34I said, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
42:35Because they need a contract, right?
42:36So I was delighted.
42:37So we went back off with all the last round.
42:39We were having a great and great and I thought, that's it.
42:42I mean, I went into the reception of the football club and I looked around.
42:46He was a great goalkeeper.
42:47There he was.
42:48He thought of the ball.
42:51I dug me seven to the biggest hole on me first day.
42:54But I dug me seven out of it because we've done all right, you know?
42:57On the sideline then, Rod, were you cool, calm and collected?
43:00Personified.
43:01I don't know if that's...
43:03I don't know if that's entirely true, Roddy.
43:05Have a look at this.
43:09Push on the last one.
43:11Don't stand already.
43:13I'm only fucking ten minutes in the ground for fuck's sake.
43:18I'm ten minutes in the ground and ask me to step back in.
43:21Yeah.
43:22Don't annoy me.
43:23Don't fucking annoy me.
43:24Where is it?
43:26Where is it?
43:27Where is it?
43:28Oh, look.
43:29That is it.
43:30Don't stare me off now.
43:32Don't stare me off.
43:33Don't stare me off.
43:34Don't stare me off.
43:35Yeah, you stare today.
43:38I'll tell your mother on you.
43:40See that?
43:41See that?
43:42That would be class as bullying if I didn't know that kid.
43:43Yeah, yeah.
43:44I knew him.
43:45And he looked about 12.
43:46Looking at your clips when you were managing.
43:47You were always well dressed.
43:48Like, was this important to you?
43:49Oh, yeah.
43:50Fashion.
43:51Oh, yeah.
43:52100%.
43:53Not so much fashion.
43:54Presentation.
43:55You know what I mean?
43:56Like, you go into a dressing room and you're pristine.
43:59And you've grown up early and you've done it right.
44:00And all that players will say, well, he's made a huge effort.
44:01Yeah.
44:02That's the fourth thing.
44:03Right.
44:04And then the second is, Louis Cobble gave him the clothes for nothing.
44:06And he's still getting it for nothing.
44:07And when you're getting, like, immaculately dressed, would Caroline have a say in what
44:12you want to wear?
44:13Yeah.
44:14Yeah.
44:15Yeah.
44:16Yeah.
44:17Yeah.
44:18Yeah.
44:19Yeah.
44:20Yeah.
44:21Yeah.
44:22Yeah.
44:23Yeah.
44:24Yeah.
44:25Yeah.
44:26Yeah.
44:27Yeah.
44:28I say you're gorgeous.
44:29Yeah.
44:30No.
44:31No, no, no.
44:32Carlin did say to me years ago, she said to me years ago, where do you go all dressed
44:38up?
44:39You about to be back here by half eleven.
44:40There's Caroline.
44:41There she is.
44:42Oh, no, no.
44:43It's me own pal, you know, since we're 15, you know.
44:45Yeah.
44:46Come here.
44:4742 years you're married.
44:4842 years.
44:49What's the secret to happy marriage?
44:50Your hair is absolutely gorgeous.
44:52See that dress, you look brilliant and there's not a pick on you.
44:57Fellas, trust me, see when you go out and have two drinks, a booker and a basin, right?
45:04You come back, you grovel, you apologise, and take you three days to get back in the big bed.
45:09Just come here.
45:13What do you want to know? If the Ireland job came up lads, would we give Rowdy a twist?
45:19Yay!
45:24If you were asked to take the Ireland job, what's the first thing you do?
45:28I'd start winning the game straight away.
45:31How do you?
45:32I'd make them run around a little bit more and I'd make them roll up their sleeves a little bit more, you know?
45:37Look, I think the man there is a good tactician and all that.
45:40But I would give Roy King and Damien Duff that job if that man leaves.
45:45I like him, I think he's a pure gentleman.
45:47But if he doesn't do it, I would give to them two lads and I think we'd have a great chance.
45:51Come on, Roddy.
45:52And I'll be back.
45:54Lads, put your hands together for the legend that is Roddy Collins!
45:58All right, let's play another game of We Aren't Family.
46:05Remember lads, one person out there isn't actually part of the family and your job is to spot the impostor.
46:10Let's go back to the streets of Galway.
46:12OK, just by looking at him, Roddy, you're part of a big family.
46:15Who jumps out there?
46:16Who is not in the family?
46:18Four.
46:19Why four?
46:20That's not the mother.
46:21That's not the mother.
46:22Who do you know that's not the mother?
46:24Ah, she's...
46:25Andrew, that girl's only 30 years of age.
46:28You haven't seen it.
46:29Four, definitely four.
46:30She's not the mother, no.
46:31OK, let's get her too tall.
46:32Hey, Karen, what do you like?
46:33They're the image, that too.
46:34They look alike, yeah.
46:35Yeah, the height.
46:36No, three.
46:37Oh, oh, three or four.
46:39Three is very tall.
46:41Audience.
46:42Right, Karen, we'll give you a better look.
46:46Let's get them dancing, lads.
46:48I am.
46:51Both lads are pants in the pockets.
46:53Five.
46:54Five.
46:55Five.
46:56Five.
46:57Five.
46:58He's breaking the note.
46:59Five.
47:00All right, cut the music, lads.
47:03Five.
47:04Five.
47:05Five.
47:06Five.
47:07Five.
47:08Five.
47:09Five.
47:10Five.
47:11Five.
47:12Five.
47:13Five.
47:14Five.
47:15Five.
47:16Five.
47:17Five.
47:18Five.
47:19Oh my God.
47:20I thought she looked so like number one.
47:22Number two, what's your name?
47:23And do you know this family?
47:24Have you ever met them?
47:25No, my name's Lauren and I'm the decoy.
47:28Or I'm not part of this family.
47:30Well, you are now, Lauren.
47:31Go back and meet your family.
47:36Give it up for Lauren and the O'Neills in Norway.
47:39Now, unfortunately, that's all we have time for.
47:40Give it up for all our guests, for Karen Byrne, for Roddy Collins and for Andrew Ryan.
47:52And now, to pay us out all the way from County Ufalia, it's Jason Abbey!
47:57The O'Neills and Abbey.
47:58The O'Neills and the O'Neills and the O'Neills and Center
48:00of the Honestly Humanç¹”
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