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"The Master of Disguise" (2002) is a lighthearted comedy about an enthusiastic and imaginative character who discovers a unique family talent for creative transformations. As he learns to express his abilities, he embarks on a playful adventure filled with colorful moments, cheerful humor, and quirky surprises. The film blends energetic performances, fun disguises, and lively storytelling, making it an entertaining experience for viewers who enjoy upbeat family comedies. With its bright style, friendly humor, and imaginative approach, this 2002 movie continues to appeal to audiences who appreciate joyful, easygoing entertainment.
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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:29CastingWords
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00:02:29CastingWords
00:02:59CastingWords
00:03:07Many centuries ago, a remarkable family began to practice the magical art of disguise.
00:03:15Down through the ages, they worked in secret, protecting the world from evil.
00:03:23This is their story.
00:03:25This is my son.
00:03:47This is my son.
00:03:51Most people thought he sold vacuum cleaners door to door, but as you can see, there was
00:03:59more to the story.
00:04:00There's more to the story.
00:04:01Hey, where'd you think you're going?
00:04:03Oh!
00:04:04Oh!
00:04:05Oh!
00:04:07Oh!
00:04:08Oh!
00:04:12Oh!
00:04:13What?
00:04:14Oh!
00:04:16Idiot, sir.
00:04:27This is a mistake. That woman is not Bo Derek.
00:04:31That was close.
00:04:33No close.
00:04:45I demand to speak to the American everything!
00:04:50Tapiccio is a time your son is told of his destiny.
00:04:54This is no life for my son.
00:04:57I will never tell him of his true destiny.
00:05:01This. This. This. This.
00:05:12Fabrizio decided to keep the family legacy a secret from his son.
00:05:17The boy never knew the truth about his urge to disguise himself
00:05:21with anything he could find.
00:05:24Stagio, I hope you're not making faces in the mirror
00:05:28with the underwear on the head.
00:05:30That would be crazy, Papa.
00:05:33Unless, of course, I had a shaving cream beard to go along with it.
00:05:38This is my grandson, Pistachio.
00:05:40He has always been a little... different.
00:05:47From the very beginning, he had impulses he could not control.
00:05:51You slap me! I slap you!
00:05:53As Pistachio grew up, he couldn't help mimicking the people around it.
00:05:58Add the copper sulfate.
00:06:01Add the copper sulfate.
00:06:03Add just a little bit of luminol.
00:06:08And just a little bit of luminol.
00:06:18But... he always had a hard time fitting him.
00:06:23You think he got muscles now? Try this.
00:06:26Okay.
00:06:32Why does he have underwear on his head?
00:06:34What he didn't know was that his true adventure was about to begin.
00:06:39There's a young lady out here to see you.
00:06:44For me?
00:06:46Fantastico!
00:06:47Yes, yes.
00:06:49A young lady!
00:06:53Hey, amigo!
00:06:55There's a girl waiting for me.
00:06:58Hey, Mama!
00:06:59Oh!
00:07:00Oh, Pistachio!
00:07:01Why don't you ask your nice young lady friend to come in,
00:07:04and I'll make your corned beef ravioli!
00:07:06What a grand idea, Mama!
00:07:10Oh, my sunny son, handsome son!
00:07:17Naturally, Pistachio wanted to find a girl just like Mama.
00:07:22I'm walking on sunshine
00:07:24Well, I'm walking on sunshine
00:07:28Sofia, what an unexpected surprise, Love Cake.
00:07:33Love Cake?
00:07:34I so enjoyed meeting you last evening.
00:07:37Yeah, listen, Pistachios,
00:07:38I know we had some laughs at the bar last night,
00:07:40but you're not my type.
00:07:42Besides, I have a boyfriend, so don't call me, okay?
00:07:45I gotta go.
00:07:48Yes.
00:07:50Something about her reminds me of my Mama.
00:07:55Oh, yes, she will be a great cook.
00:07:57Hey, hey.
00:07:59Hey, Papa.
00:08:01He's a...
00:08:02I straight...
00:08:04I straightened the menu.
00:08:14Oh!
00:08:15I'm okay. I'm okay.
00:08:16Excuse me, young man.
00:08:18I couldn't help but notice that you became acquainted with the sidewalk a moment ago.
00:08:24I'm not a sports kid.
00:08:26Pistachio, why don't you do one of your funny voices and cheer the kid up?
00:08:30What an excellent idea, Bernardo. Yes, yes.
00:08:33I do for you now a scene from the hit-a-motion picture, Shrek.
00:08:38You ready? Okay.
00:08:40Why don't you get away from me, donkey?
00:08:43What you talk about, get away from you?
00:08:45I'm making waffles.
00:08:46Aw, what a cute little puppy.
00:08:47Hmm.
00:08:48Oh, I see you like my dog.
00:08:49Yes.
00:08:50His name is the cuteness.
00:08:51I never had a dog.
00:08:52Well, perhaps your papa will buy you a dog.
00:08:53I never had a dad.
00:08:54A dad, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, no.
00:08:58The puppet efficient, yes.
00:09:00You can play with the cuteness anytime you want.
00:09:03Allow me to introduce myself.
00:09:05My name is Pistachio Disgust.
00:09:07Oh, I see you like my dog.
00:09:08Yes, his name is the cuteness.
00:09:09I never had a dog.
00:09:11Well, perhaps your papa will buy you a dog.
00:09:13I never had a dad.
00:09:15A dad?
00:09:16Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why.
00:09:17Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Pistachio Disguise.
00:09:22My name is Barney Baker.
00:09:24Pleasure, Barney Baker.
00:09:26And now, hungry patrons.
00:09:29Arrivederci!
00:09:47Hey, moron, use a tray next time. Those are too many plates.
00:09:53Ah, the new waiter Rex.
00:09:56So cute in your inexperience.
00:09:59Watch and learn, my friend.
00:10:09Yes.
00:10:11Yes, I clean. I clean.
00:10:17Good-bye gooey sauce.
00:10:20Ah, yes.
00:10:22Cheese? Yes.
00:10:24I give you cheese down.
00:10:26Yes, a nice cheese.
00:10:28Cheese. You like, huh?
00:10:30Oh, yes.
00:10:32Yes, I like that.
00:10:34Papa.
00:10:37And finally, we have a fresh, bouncing baby shrimp.
00:10:41I'll just take the spaghetti.
00:10:44And do me a favor, buddy.
00:10:46Get me some man-sized meatballs.
00:10:49Meatballs.
00:10:50Meatballs.
00:10:51Meatballs.
00:10:52Meatballs.
00:10:53Meatballs.
00:10:54Am I going too fast for you?
00:10:59Am I going too fast for you?
00:11:03Hmm?
00:11:04Are you mocking my husband?
00:11:05Are you mocking my husband?
00:11:06Are you mocking my husband?
00:11:07Because you better not be.
00:11:08Because you better not be.
00:11:09Agh!
00:11:10Agh!
00:11:11Agh!
00:11:12Pustachio, stop it.
00:11:13No mocking.
00:11:14Pustachio, stop it.
00:11:15No mocking.
00:11:16No, no, no, ma.
00:11:17I don't know why you let that little nutball be a waiter in the first place.
00:11:21Listen, you.
00:11:22You have a problem with my son, didn't you?
00:11:24You have a problem with me.
00:11:25No.
00:11:26You are not welcome here.
00:11:28You and you.
00:11:29Get up!
00:11:30Agh!
00:11:31Oh, Pustachio, what did I tell you, huh?
00:11:34Yes.
00:11:35I know, Papa.
00:11:36I'm sorry.
00:11:37I couldn't help myself.
00:11:38The mocking's getting worse.
00:11:40You're nonsense.
00:11:41Sometimes there's so many voices in my head, I don't know who I am.
00:11:45Listen to me.
00:11:46You are Pustachio Disguise, and you are a great waiter.
00:11:50Yes.
00:11:51That is one of the voices.
00:11:52I'll give you that.
00:11:53Not the loudest one.
00:11:54No, no.
00:11:55You are my son.
00:11:56You understand?
00:11:57And I will always be proud of you.
00:12:00Eh?
00:12:01That's good.
00:12:02You should've gone to Burger King.
00:12:04Perhaps my destiny is somewhere far away.
00:12:07No, no, no, no, my son.
00:12:08Your destiny is here, okay?
00:12:11Yes.
00:12:12Destiny is here.
00:12:14But Papa don't preach.
00:12:15I'm in trouble deep, and I'm keeping my baby.
00:12:20The what?
00:12:21What?
00:12:28Yeah.
00:12:29Excuse the waiter, Rex.
00:12:34What are you doing with your arm around the cake and the tush queen?
00:12:39What are you doing out here with the oversized Rex?
00:12:42Look, Pistachios, the silly voices, the making faces.
00:12:46It was fun for like one second, okay?
00:12:48Only one second?
00:12:49I never wanted to go out with you.
00:12:51I'm in love with Rex, okay?
00:12:53Yeah.
00:12:54Got it?
00:12:57I see.
00:12:59I can take a hint.
00:13:00The message is coming through loud and clear.
00:13:06I gotta get back to work, baby.
00:13:08Okay.
00:13:09Goodbye, Pistachios.
00:13:10Hey!
00:13:11Get in the car, huh?
00:13:12Oh, my little cannoli.
00:13:13You'll make my pistachio berry, eh?
00:13:15Make me...
00:13:16Oh, oh!
00:13:17Get in the car, now!
00:13:18Get him in there!
00:13:19Let's go!
00:13:20Oh, my little cannoli.
00:13:21You'll make my pistachio berry, eh?
00:13:22Make me...
00:13:23Oh, oh!
00:13:24Get in the car, now!
00:13:25Get him in there!
00:13:26Oh, my little cannoli.
00:13:27You'll make my pistachio berry, eh?
00:13:29Make me...
00:13:30Oh, oh!
00:13:31Get in the car, now!
00:13:32Get him in there!
00:13:33Let's go!
00:13:34Ransacked!
00:13:35Hello?
00:13:36A police?
00:13:37In my home?
00:13:38It is full of ransackery.
00:13:39Everything different.
00:13:40What?
00:13:41What?
00:13:42What?
00:13:43What?
00:13:44What?
00:13:45What?
00:13:46What?
00:13:47What?
00:13:48What?
00:13:49What?
00:13:50What?
00:13:51What?
00:13:52What?
00:13:53What?
00:13:54And my name is pistachio.
00:13:55And oh, Mama's cannoli is here.
00:13:57Don't call again.
00:14:00Mom?
00:14:01Mama!
00:14:02Mama!
00:14:03Papa!
00:14:04Father, show me a sign.
00:14:05I promise I will never mock you again.
00:14:06My family is missing and I don't know what to do.
00:14:09I don't know what to do.
00:14:10I don't know what to do.
00:14:11I don't know what to do.
00:14:12I don't know what to do.
00:14:13I don't know.
00:14:14I don't know what to do.
00:14:15I don't know what to do.
00:14:17I don't know how to make.
00:14:18Can I help you?
00:14:39I came to help you, Pistachio.
00:14:42Help me what?
00:14:43Find your mother and your father, my son.
00:14:46My father, your son.
00:14:50Holy cannoli, you are my sister.
00:14:53But you don't have a sister, little pea brain.
00:14:56I'm your grandfather.
00:14:58Yes, that was my next choice.
00:15:01It's been 23 years. How did you know that I needed his help?
00:15:04That answer and more will be revealed shortly.
00:15:07But for now, let me in. I hunger.
00:15:11So, I come down from the rooftop, and then I come home,
00:15:15and there's no mama, no papa, just ransackery.
00:15:19Did you ask at Jeeves?
00:15:21Yes, but no such luck.
00:15:22When you were on the roof,
00:15:24did you hear something that sounded like this?
00:15:28Yes, exactly that.
00:15:30But without the pain on my face.
00:15:33We have a clue.
00:15:43Grandpapa?
00:15:48I'm sorry. I'm looking for my grandfather.
00:15:50Grandfather not here.
00:15:53I'm sorry.
00:15:54It's me, you idiot.
00:15:57Amazing.
00:15:58You sound just like grandfather.
00:16:00Fool!
00:16:01I am your grandfather.
00:16:03What?
00:16:04What?
00:16:05What?
00:16:06I don't...
00:16:07What?
00:16:08Oh, yes.
00:16:11Latex rubber.
00:16:14Yes.
00:16:15So soft.
00:16:16Like a soft, fat baby bottom face.
00:16:22This is nothing.
00:16:23I'm rusty.
00:16:24When I'm on the top of my game,
00:16:26my disguise is seamless.
00:16:30Yes, yes.
00:16:31Without the seams.
00:16:34And the place is so incredibly clean.
00:16:37So tidy.
00:16:40Bravo, Grandpa.
00:16:43Put that clamp on your pastry hole.
00:16:45I'm going to give it to you straight.
00:16:48You are a disguise-e.
00:16:50Yes, a pistachio disguise-e.
00:16:52I'm begging you, curb your yammering skull cave.
00:16:56Now, throughout history,
00:16:58the disguise-e's have used their skills as masters of disguise
00:17:02for the betterment of mankind.
00:17:05In Europe, they use their power to catch thieves.
00:17:09Now I've got it.
00:17:10It's mine.
00:17:12The statue is alive!
00:17:15They were among the world's first environmentalists.
00:17:18Sorry, George Washington.
00:17:19No cherry tree for you.
00:17:24Abraham Lincoln was such a boring speaker
00:17:27that the disguise-e's had to help him get elected president.
00:17:31At an extent.
00:17:32It's how dare you.
00:17:33If you'll excuse me, I just need a drink of water.
00:17:36Rough crowd.
00:17:38Woooo, yeah!
00:17:40Let's party!
00:17:41Hit it, boys!
00:17:44?
00:17:45I like to move it!
00:17:47?
00:17:48?
00:17:50?
00:17:51?
00:17:52?
00:17:53?
00:17:56This is your legacy, pistachio.
00:17:57Hey, Pistachio, these are your people, and you are one of them.
00:18:02But my papa just runs a restaurant.
00:18:05Your father was once the world's greatest master of disguise.
00:18:08But my papa just runs a restaurant.
00:18:11This is what you are doing.
00:18:12This is what I want you to do.
00:18:15Any questions?
00:18:16Your parents, despite my objections,
00:18:20insisted on keeping the legacy a secret.
00:18:22That is why we have not spoken in over 20 years.
00:18:25But my papa...
00:18:26It is time for you to find your father and mother.
00:18:35You mean we will find my father and my mother?
00:18:39Impossible. Sorry.
00:18:41But why?
00:18:42This is the sacred book of the disguisey way.
00:18:47Like a Boy Scout handbook, right?
00:18:49You cannot compare this book to anything else known to man.
00:18:56Hey, it's a pop-pop.
00:19:00If a father and mother are missing,
00:19:06only a son who has become a master of disguise
00:19:09can save them without any direct help from the grandfather.
00:19:15That's one of a specific farmer.
00:19:17Now I must find your father's nest.
00:19:21Come again?
00:19:22A nest?
00:19:23Yes.
00:19:24Is there a place your father goes to to spend time by himself
00:19:27that is dark, that is secretive?
00:19:29The attic is dark and secretive?
00:19:32Show me this attic.
00:19:36So, grandpa, this is the attic.
00:19:40This is a very ordinary attic.
00:19:42It's nothing like that.
00:19:43Oh, yeah.
00:19:45Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:19:48What?
00:19:49What?
00:19:49What?
00:19:49What?
00:19:50What?
00:19:50What?
00:19:51What?
00:19:51A magic ball.
00:19:54Oi.
00:19:55Oi.
00:20:11Oi.
00:20:19Oi.
00:20:20Oi.
00:20:21Oi.
00:20:21Oi.
00:20:22Oi.
00:20:22Oi.
00:20:23Oi.
00:20:23Oi.
00:20:23Oi.
00:20:23Oi.
00:20:23Oi.
00:20:24Behold your father's nest.
00:20:40Heavens to Betsy.
00:20:42Yes.
00:20:43I knew he would keep one, just in case.
00:20:46Yes, just in case.
00:20:47Now I can teach you to become a master of disguise.
00:20:50Really?
00:20:51I'm going to be a master of disguise?
00:20:53I'm going to be a master of disguise.
00:20:55I'm going to be a master of disguise.
00:20:57I'm going to be a-
00:20:58Enough!
00:20:59Your mother and father are in grave danger.
00:21:02Your training begins now!
00:21:08Yes!
00:21:09That is brilliant!
00:21:10You are disguised as a fatty!
00:21:14Hey!
00:21:15What is happening?
00:21:16I'm getting bigger!
00:21:17I'm getting bigger!
00:21:18I got so fat!
00:21:19I got so fat!
00:21:20I got so fat!
00:21:21I'm so!
00:21:22I'm so!
00:21:23You are so!
00:21:24I'm so!
00:21:25How is that?
00:21:26I'm so!
00:21:27I'm so!
00:21:28I'm so!
00:21:29I'm so!
00:21:30And I'm so!
00:21:31Yes, that is brilliant. You are disguised as a fatty.
00:21:39What is happening? I'm getting bigger.
00:21:43I got so fat.
00:21:45Sasha!
00:22:01He's the master of this.
00:22:07He's the master of this girl.
00:22:23Remember me?
00:22:27Devlin Bowman?
00:22:30We both know you were the woman that night in Palermo.
00:22:34And because of you, I spent 20 years in prison.
00:22:42Thanks to a special potion in the caramel corn,
00:22:45she thinks she's still at home preparing dinner.
00:22:48But we know better.
00:22:50Go.
00:22:52Oh, my goodness.
00:22:56Okay, okay, stop.
00:22:59You're right.
00:23:00I was about Eric that night in Palermo.
00:23:04What do you want?
00:23:05I want you to drop your pizza apron,
00:23:07become a master of disguise once again,
00:23:09and help me obtain the world's rarest treasures.
00:23:11You're a sick man, Bowman.
00:23:12You're a sick man, Bowman.
00:23:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:23:18treasures. You're a sick man, Bowman.
00:23:33Other teeth, here.
00:23:35Yes. Good, here.
00:23:37Here. It's a minimal adhesive spillage, so not bad.
00:23:41Yes, good. Now, all I have to do is disguise my voice, right?
00:23:45Open the sesame. Open the sesame.
00:23:51Stop that!
00:23:53Buffoon. Clown.
00:23:55You look like a cheap mimic.
00:23:57Anyone can put on a disguise to change his voice.
00:24:00Anybody, but you said that was the secret power of the disguises.
00:24:03Not exactly.
00:24:05It's time for you to learn about the invisible energy field
00:24:09that bonds all disguises past and present.
00:24:12It is called energy code.
00:24:16Energy code.
00:24:18When you learn to tap into energy code,
00:24:20you will be able to access words, skills, ideas
00:24:23that you never dreamed were possible.
00:24:25You can think like another person.
00:24:27You will be able to act like another person,
00:24:29to feel like another person.
00:24:31You will become another person.
00:24:36Become another person.
00:24:39Yes.
00:24:40But first, you must repeat the mantra.
00:24:42Become another person.
00:24:46Become another person.
00:24:48Nothing's happening.
00:24:49Again.
00:24:50Become another person.
00:24:51Repeat.
00:24:52Become another person.
00:24:53Become another person.
00:24:54Become another person.
00:24:55Become another person.
00:24:57Good.
00:24:59Who are you now?
00:25:01The question is not who I am.
00:25:02The question is who are you.
00:25:03I know who I am.
00:25:04I am Prince Lalejama from the Ringy Dingy Heights,
00:25:07near Bombay, Calcutta, and New Delhi, India.
00:25:09India, India, India.
00:25:11It is time to test that.
00:25:15What is it?
00:25:16Oh, that is a big reptile.
00:25:19Not a problem.
00:25:27Oh, yes.
00:25:35He wouldn't hurt anybody now.
00:25:38I'm going to call him Buttercup.
00:25:41Oh, so cute.
00:25:43Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
00:25:47Oh.
00:25:49Energy code.
00:25:51God help me, I love it.
00:25:53Oh, that one, that one.
00:25:55Great transformation.
00:25:57Goochie, goochie, goo.
00:25:59You like the cheese.
00:26:00Go get the cheese, Buttercup.
00:26:02You know you love it.
00:26:04Oh.
00:26:05Now, Vistachio,
00:26:06sometimes during your travels,
00:26:08you may be required to defend yourself.
00:26:10Yes.
00:26:11Now, the disguises do not believe
00:26:12in hitting with a close fish.
00:26:14You must always hit with an open hand.
00:26:16You make your point,
00:26:18but you give the man his dignity.
00:26:20Dignity.
00:26:21Observe.
00:26:25Eh?
00:26:27Elbows in.
00:26:28Extend.
00:26:29Now you try.
00:26:31Elbow in.
00:26:33Extend.
00:26:36Okay, slapping dummy man.
00:26:38Yeah.
00:26:39Well, I think I've got...
00:26:42Pistachio, no, no.
00:26:44You must learn to empty your mind
00:26:46and allow energy to flow through you.
00:26:48Yes, yes.
00:26:49Well, is there a mantra for the hitting part?
00:26:51No.
00:26:52But it is demoralizing to your opponent
00:26:54to repeat the phrase
00:26:55Who's your daddy?
00:26:56in mid-slap.
00:26:57Okay.
00:26:58Watch.
00:27:00Who's your daddy?
00:27:01Who's your daddy?
00:27:02Who's your daddy?
00:27:03Who's your daddy?
00:27:04Who's your daddy?
00:27:05Who's your daddy?
00:27:06Who's your daddy?
00:27:07Hey, guys.
00:27:08Thanks for letting me borrow the Constitution.
00:27:10Are you kidding?
00:27:12You're Michael Johnson,
00:27:13the fastest man alive.
00:27:14Yeah.
00:27:15You ready?
00:27:16Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson.
00:27:17Go!
00:27:26Thanks, guys!
00:27:27You should read this moment.
00:27:31You might have learned something.
00:27:33I love having a master of disguise do my bidding.
00:27:37That's it.
00:27:38You've forgotten something?
00:27:41My men are ready to pounce on my command.
00:27:46No more to please.
00:27:47Stop.
00:27:48All right.
00:27:49All right.
00:27:50Let's go.
00:27:51So, you want to play games?
00:28:03Okay, so you want to play games?
00:28:19Let's play games.
00:28:23Who is your daddy?
00:28:26I'm your daddy.
00:28:27I'm your daddy.
00:28:28I'm your daddy.
00:28:29I'm your daddy.
00:28:33Oh, she could be a good wife for you.
00:28:51Well, am I truly a master of disguise now?
00:28:56Not exactly.
00:28:56You are a level one apprentice.
00:28:59White belt.
00:29:00Yes, yes, yes.
00:29:01A level one.
00:29:02I like the sound of that one.
00:29:03Yes.
00:29:04How many levels are there?
00:29:06Seven thousand.
00:29:07That's many colored belts.
00:29:11Yes, you're a rookie.
00:29:14Listen, it is a disguising tradition at this point in time that we hire you an assistant.
00:29:20An assistant?
00:29:21Yes, I'm going to get an assistant.
00:29:23Well, I was executive secretary for Jensen and Loeb.
00:29:27Get out!
00:29:28I beg your pardon?
00:29:30Out now!
00:29:31Get out!
00:29:33Get out!
00:29:35What are you doing here?
00:29:37History!
00:29:38Wrong!
00:29:39Take it away!
00:29:40Get out!
00:29:41Idiot!
00:29:41Get out!
00:29:43Free!
00:29:43Get out!
00:29:44Free!
00:29:45Get out!
00:29:45Free!
00:29:46Out!
00:29:46Out!
00:29:46Out!
00:29:4850 applicants.
00:29:5050 losers.
00:29:52Yes.
00:29:53Perhaps my destiny does not come with an assistant.
00:29:57I'm okay.
00:30:01I'm okay.
00:30:02I'm okay.
00:30:04Hey, you're too young for this job.
00:30:06Do yourself a favor.
00:30:06Go home and tell your mommy to change your diaper.
00:30:08Get out!
00:30:09I don't wear a diaper.
00:30:10Hey, Pistachio, you got to see this.
00:30:13There's a talking baby here.
00:30:15I want to see the talking baby.
00:30:16Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.
00:30:18Brave Barney beggar.
00:30:19Good to see you again.
00:30:21You know this baby?
00:30:22Yes, of course.
00:30:22I was potty trained when I was two.
00:30:25Of course.
00:30:26You are the conductor of the potty train.
00:30:30Barney, this is the place.
00:30:33Hi.
00:30:33Oh, I'm sorry.
00:30:34I just came from a yoga class.
00:30:35Hope that's okay.
00:30:36Grandpa, this is Barney and...
00:30:39Oh, I'm his mom, Jennifer.
00:30:41Oh, hi.
00:30:41Jennifer, a pleasure.
00:30:43Um, sweetie, go practice your ollies and I'll see you later, okay?
00:30:49Please, come in.
00:30:51Measurements.
00:30:54Measurements?
00:30:55What for?
00:30:56It's for a uniform.
00:30:57Oh, oh, yeah, okay.
00:30:59Um, it's 35, 24, 34.
00:31:03You said 34?
00:31:05A little bottle.
00:31:08All right.
00:31:10I don't know if I'm right for this.
00:31:12I mean, Barney told me that you were looking, so...
00:31:14I'm sorry, he's only seven.
00:31:16He thinks your name is Pistachio.
00:31:19That is my name.
00:31:22Oh, that's nice.
00:31:24Um, so, okay, what is the job?
00:31:27What exactly do you guys do?
00:31:29I am a master of disguise.
00:31:31He is also a master of disguise.
00:31:33Yeah, well, technically, it's a level one apprentice.
00:31:36Excuse me?
00:31:37I'm sorry.
00:31:37Master of disguise?
00:31:38I don't get it.
00:31:40You got a problem with the word the master or the word the disguise?
00:31:43Or the word of.
00:31:47Well, what would I have to do?
00:31:49What does she have to do?
00:31:51Adler, not so fast.
00:31:53Answer me this first.
00:31:54Do you fold easily on the pressure?
00:31:57What kind of pressure are you talking about?
00:31:59The kind that makes you cry out in the night like a little baby.
00:32:01Like a little baby in its crib.
00:32:03What's it pay?
00:32:04Pay?
00:32:04What about being paid in honor, dignity, pride?
00:32:07Honor, dignity, pride in its crib.
00:32:09Actually, I need cash.
00:32:13This cat is close.
00:32:16Me like it.
00:32:17Me like it, too.
00:32:19But this cat's got no mama caboose.
00:32:21You guys know I can hear you, right?
00:32:27Un po' magre de culo, eh?
00:32:30Ti dispiace?
00:32:31Yeah, yeah.
00:32:31I capisco.
00:32:33Le un culo piccolo.
00:32:36Un po' magre de culo, eh, je ne sais quoi.
00:32:43Gesundheit.
00:32:44God bless you.
00:32:45It pays $417 a week plus a Delta Dental.
00:32:48I'll take it.
00:32:49It's yours.
00:32:50But hear me true.
00:32:51Assistants commonly fall in love with their disguising masters.
00:32:55Can you resist, pistachio?
00:32:58Yes.
00:32:59Can you resist me?
00:33:01Uh-huh.
00:33:07So, listen to me true, pistachio.
00:33:11You are now a level 1.5 apprentice.
00:33:14But, Master, without your guidance, how will I know what to disguise myself as?
00:33:18You will have to listen to your disguising instincts.
00:33:21Answer these questions for yourself.
00:33:23Who, why, where, how?
00:33:25Would they take your mother, the cuteness, and your father, my son?
00:33:27Yes, yes, yes.
00:33:28Who, why, where, and why?
00:33:30No, wrong.
00:33:32Who, why, where, and how?
00:33:33Oh, yes.
00:33:34Who, why, what, and what, and what, and what, and what?
00:33:39Not wrong.
00:33:40Who, why, where, how?
00:33:42Yes, yes, yes.
00:33:43Who, why, where, how?
00:33:46That's it.
00:33:46You got it.
00:33:47Yes, who, why, where, how?
00:33:50I say, who, why, where, how?
00:33:53I say, who, why, where, how?
00:33:55I say, who, why, where, how?
00:33:58Here, you, employee.
00:34:04My grandson is still raw, is unfocused.
00:34:08When he becomes another person, he may be unpredictable.
00:34:12About the dental, when I get stuff done, or Barney gets stuff done,
00:34:16do I pay it and then you reimburse me, or do I bill Delta Dental directly?
00:34:21I'm just not sure how it works.
00:34:23You're sick of me.
00:34:25Oh, I almost forgot.
00:34:28Here is your nest in a box.
00:34:32Nest in a box?
00:34:34You may need it. It comes with instructions.
00:34:36Oh, and there is something else.
00:34:43The disguised ball of knowledge.
00:34:46When you are in dire straits and you don't know what to do,
00:34:49this will come in handy.
00:34:52I won't let you down, Master.
00:34:55I hope not.
00:34:58This guy's a thing sure comes with a lot of accoutrements.
00:35:02So long, Master.
00:35:05Bye-bye.
00:35:06All right, now, where to begin our search?
00:35:11Well, I guess we could look around at the spot your father was taken.
00:35:15That's your idea?
00:35:17Yeah.
00:35:18That's it?
00:35:19To look around at the spot where my father was taken?
00:35:22That's crazy.
00:35:24So crazy, it just might work.
00:35:28You know, this could be something.
00:35:40Please, assistant, don't play in the trash.
00:35:43Well, I am in full father-finding mode, okay?
00:35:46All I'm saying is I dated a guy who used to smoke these.
00:35:49This is a handmade cigar from the Turtle Club.
00:35:52Look at the label.
00:35:53You want to play games?
00:35:55I'll play games with you.
00:35:57There we go.
00:35:58All I'm saying is I dated a guy who used to smoke these.
00:36:06This is a handmade cigar from the Turtle Club.
00:36:09And Jennifer, do you remember that thing you once said about the guy you used to date from
00:36:17the Turtle Club?
00:36:18Yeah.
00:36:19Yes, my disguised instincts are going crazy.
00:36:23Perhaps we should pay a visit to this Turtle Club.
00:36:26Well, it's impossible to get in there, though.
00:36:28You have to be a member.
00:36:31You make me laugh sometimes.
00:36:33We'll see what is impossible, my ever-doubtful assistant.
00:36:36Now, quickly, to the nest!
00:36:39Yeah, I don't mean to keep harping, but the name of the Turtle Club, you know, it's just
00:36:51a name.
00:36:51I think you're taking me a little bit too literally.
00:36:54Turtle?
00:36:55May I help you?
00:36:56Are you a member of the Turtle Club?
00:36:58Well, not exactly.
00:36:59Not exactly, but am I not turtly enough for the Turtle Club?
00:37:04Is he okay?
00:37:05He's fine.
00:37:06He's fine, Turtle.
00:37:07Um, he's dreamt of this place ever since he was a child.
00:37:14Turtle!
00:37:15Um, do you think we can go in for a moment?
00:37:19We'll be out in five minutes.
00:37:22Please.
00:37:24All right.
00:37:29Turtle!
00:37:33Turtle?
00:37:34Not turtle?
00:37:35No.
00:37:36Turtle?
00:37:37No?
00:37:37Not turtle.
00:37:40Hi.
00:37:42Um, could you tell me, do you recognize this?
00:37:45Turtle.
00:37:46I'd recognize that label anywhere.
00:37:49I made that cigar for the private collection of Devlin Bowman.
00:37:54Devlin Bowman.
00:37:56Turtle!
00:37:56Turtle, turtle.
00:37:57Turtle, turtle.
00:37:58Turtle, turtle.
00:37:59Turtle.
00:38:00Um.
00:38:02Is he okay?
00:38:03Oh, he's fine.
00:38:04I'm fine, Turtle.
00:38:05Do you think you can give me, um, uh, address or phone number for Mr. Bowman?
00:38:11You're crazy.
00:38:13I can't give you that information.
00:38:15Oh.
00:38:15No information.
00:38:16Hmm.
00:38:17What if harm found its way to you?
00:38:20Terrible, terrible, terrible harm.
00:38:22Would that change your mind?
00:38:24Ow!
00:38:25Ow!
00:38:26Perhaps it's time to go into my shell.
00:38:28No.
00:38:28Turtle.
00:38:29No shell.
00:38:30No shell.
00:38:31No shell.
00:38:31No shell.
00:38:32I'm coming in.
00:38:33And name is just fine.
00:38:35Thank you very much.
00:38:36Terrible harm.
00:38:37The kind of harm that makes you cry out in the night like a little baby.
00:38:42Hey, baby.
00:38:43Can I, uh, buy you a drink?
00:38:45Maybe some pond water for your friend?
00:38:51I'm very funny.
00:38:53No.
00:38:55Turtle!
00:38:57Where'd he go?
00:38:58I don't even really know what to say about what went on back there.
00:39:20I know. It was like a dream, but real.
00:39:23Tomorrow we will find out just who this Devlin Bowman is.
00:39:29Then we will find the mama and the papa.
00:39:33Um...
00:39:36Look, if I'm gonna work tomorrow, I'm gonna need a lift because my boyfriend has my car.
00:39:42A boyfriend. He's a boyfriend.
00:39:46It's getting late. I'm gonna go in, okay?
00:39:50Okay. Good night to my love cake.
00:39:53Love cake?
00:39:54What?
00:39:55You said love cake.
00:39:56But why would I call you love cake? Your hindquarters are hideously scrawny.
00:39:59What?
00:40:00What I was trying to say is that I have a present for Barney. Yes.
00:40:07Will you give these to him? From his dad?
00:40:14What?
00:40:15That, that, that, that, that, that Italian guy. Me.
00:40:20Oh, okay. Oh, this is very sweet of you. Kneepads. He can use these.
00:40:26Yes.
00:40:27Oh. Well, thank you.
00:40:28Yes. Nighty-night.
00:40:30Goodnight.
00:40:31Sleepy time, she comes.
00:40:43Thanks for the Liberty Bell, guys. I'll bring it right back.
00:40:46Oh, and, uh, remember, that's an action figure, not a doll.
00:40:53Sure thing, Governor Ventura. Thanks a lot.
00:40:56Who would have thought that Governor Jesse Ventura would be the perfect disguise to abscond with the Liberty Bell?
00:41:03No. Me.
00:41:07My skills were meant for the betterment of mankind, not for greed and evil.
00:41:12Oh, please.
00:41:18You should see your hair.
00:41:21You've got serious mask head.
00:41:23Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:41:39Hey, pistachio, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Trent.
00:41:41Hey, there he is. Heard a lot about you, pistachio.
00:41:44How are you?
00:41:48Oh, I forgot my voice. I'll be right there.
00:41:50I'll be right there.
00:41:53Lay off my lady, you freak.
00:41:56My, you are a touchy-feely guy, Trent.
00:42:01Saved by the uncoordinated little brat.
00:42:04Hey, Bon, grind that curve, buddy.
00:42:07Yeah!
00:42:10I'm okay, I'm okay.
00:42:12What a loser.
00:42:14Thanks for the pad pistachio. They really help.
00:42:16You will learn with practice, brave Bonnie, Becca.
00:42:19I'll keep trying.
00:42:20What kind of crap are you putting in his head?
00:42:24What, Dad?
00:42:25A niceness?
00:42:27Niceness?
00:42:27What are you, his dad?
00:42:30You are trying to horn in on my action, aren't you?
00:42:33You are trying to horn in on my action, aren't you?
00:42:37What?
00:42:38What?
00:42:39Are you mocking me?
00:42:41You mocking me?
00:42:44Oh, okay.
00:42:45Okay, okay.
00:42:47But I warn you, Trent.
00:42:48My slap-practice stomach is going to work out lately, okay?
00:42:52You want to fight?
00:42:53See what awaits you, huh?
00:42:55First, you watch the key.
00:42:56Oh, so fast.
00:42:57Look at me.
00:42:58Yes.
00:43:00Oh, too fast.
00:43:01Yes.
00:43:02Yes.
00:43:03Yes.
00:43:03Yes.
00:43:03Yes.
00:43:04Yes.
00:43:04Yes.
00:43:05Yes.
00:43:05Yes.
00:43:05Yes.
00:43:05Yes.
00:43:06Yes.
00:43:06Yes.
00:43:06Yes.
00:43:06Yes.
00:43:06Yes.
00:43:07Yes.
00:43:07Yes.
00:43:08Yes.
00:43:08Yes.
00:43:09Yes.
00:43:09Yes.
00:43:10Yes.
00:43:10Yes.
00:43:11Yes.
00:43:11Yes.
00:43:12Yes.
00:43:12Yes.
00:43:13Yes.
00:43:13Yes.
00:43:14Yes.
00:43:14Hey, barn.
00:43:16Don't worry.
00:43:16Just keep practicing.
00:43:17You'll just be fine, okay?
00:43:19I'm ready.
00:43:27How come I can't do it and you can't?
00:43:32Baby, I'll see you after work, okay?
00:43:34Oh, he is so good with children, huh?
00:43:43I'm never gonna find anything about this Devlin Bowman guy.
00:43:51Ooh!
00:43:52Who's your daddy?
00:43:53Ooh!
00:43:54Ooh!
00:43:55Listen.
00:43:56Glassmates.com thing.
00:43:57Ooh, to become the world's greatest black marketeer
00:44:00and possess the rarest treasures on earth,
00:44:03then store them in a secret underground lair.
00:44:06What?
00:44:07This guy is crazy.
00:44:08Do you hear this?
00:44:09I'm out.
00:44:10I'm out.
00:44:11I'm out.
00:44:12Something like this.
00:44:13Freaky, freaky guy.
00:44:15Yes, yes.
00:44:17We now know the who and the why,
00:44:20but where do we find a man obsessed with such a rarity?
00:44:25Well, there's this memorabilious fair that I know about tomorrow
00:44:29with rare toys and stuff.
00:44:31Maybe Bowman will be there.
00:44:32I'm gonna be there.
00:44:33So you think that Bowman would go up to see these rare items?
00:44:41That's crazy.
00:44:42So crazy.
00:44:43It just might work.
00:44:48Pistachio and Jennifer went to the antique show hoping to find this devil and Bowman.
00:44:57My grandson decided to disguise himself as a lady.
00:45:00Praise death.
00:45:01What are you doing?
00:45:02That's the nest in a box.
00:45:03It appears to be of Tuscan design.
00:45:08I would say early 12th century.
00:45:10I knew it was old, you fool.
00:45:12Let me praise you.
00:45:13You're an idiot.
00:45:14A complete and total idiot.
00:45:16How does it feel?
00:45:17What is this?
00:45:1812th century Tuscan?
00:45:19Nice.
00:45:20I think that's him.
00:45:21That's Bowman.
00:45:22Oh.
00:45:23Well, you're a tall drink of water and I just love moisture.
00:45:32What?
00:45:33Allow me to introduce myself.
00:45:35My name is Gammy.
00:45:38Gammy Num-Num.
00:45:39Devlin Bowman.
00:45:40Don't be ashamed of your feelings.
00:45:43Your desires are perfectly normal, I assure you.
00:45:48What desires?
00:45:50Well, guess what, Backstreet Boy?
00:45:53This is one girl scout that isn't content to be the Malcolm in your middle.
00:45:58Run along, Gammy.
00:46:01Hmm.
00:46:02Touching me.
00:46:03Gammy, run along.
00:46:04Pushing me.
00:46:05There's pressure.
00:46:06Pressure.
00:46:07Moving me back.
00:46:08Touching.
00:46:09Okay.
00:46:10What's your name?
00:46:11I'm Barbara.
00:46:12Nice to meet you.
00:46:14Barb Z.
00:46:15We're never going to make babies.
00:46:18I'm having some South American art dealers to my house on Sunday.
00:46:22We don't want to go anywhere with you, Melon Head.
00:46:25I'd love it if you joined us.
00:46:27And I'd love it if you'd shut up.
00:46:29No need to bring anything.
00:46:31Except that beautiful smile.
00:46:33Ciao.
00:46:34Ciao!
00:46:35Did you hear that Italian?
00:46:37Look out for the Italian man!
00:46:39Fetch!
00:46:40Come on.
00:46:41Fetch!
00:46:42I'm just not comfortable with the new plan.
00:46:48It's very easy.
00:46:50Listen.
00:46:51If you will distract Bowman at the party, I will disguise myself as...
00:46:55No!
00:46:56I will disguise.
00:46:57I'm master of disguise.
00:46:58What?
00:46:59I'm sorry.
00:47:00What are you sorry?
00:47:01In the job description, it didn't say anything about dating weird old guys.
00:47:05Dating weird old guy.
00:47:06What?
00:47:07Yes.
00:47:08Yes.
00:47:09Yes.
00:47:10Yes.
00:47:11What?
00:47:12Look.
00:47:13Look what the cuteness found.
00:47:15On page 52.
00:47:17The scary monsters say, from time to time assistance to level 1.5 apprentice masters of disguise may be required to date weird old guys.
00:47:30Well, there you have it.
00:47:35Their plan was simple.
00:47:37Jennifer would sneak into the mansion and look for clues about Mama and Papa, while Pistachio would distract Bowman.
00:47:44Gentlemen, sorry to keep you waiting.
00:47:47My dear, I'm delighted you came.
00:47:50Excuse me, but where is the ladies room?
00:47:52Oh.
00:47:53In the main house, down the hall, first door on your left.
00:47:57Would you like me to shoot me?
00:47:58Oh, no, no, no.
00:47:59No, it's okay.
00:48:00It's okay.
00:48:01Hurry back.
00:48:02Thanks.
00:48:07Lovely woman.
00:48:08Will you gentlemen excuse me, please?
00:48:10Oh, yeah.
00:48:11We're going to party all night long.
00:48:13That's right.
00:48:14Having fun.
00:48:15Yes.
00:48:16That's great.
00:48:17You have fun.
00:48:18I've got to speak to someone.
00:48:19Say love to my little friend.
00:48:21What did you say?
00:48:22Don't touch.
00:48:23See that, my friend?
00:48:24There's a rare shrunken head right there.
00:48:26A rare of a tribal chieftain from the village of Constopenlacurus.
00:48:30Holy hallavasas.
00:48:31Holha-hada.
00:48:33Shhhh.
00:48:34Hangel.
00:48:35Hangel.
00:48:37Hangel.
00:48:38Hangel.
00:48:39Hangel.
00:48:42Hangel.
00:48:43Um.
00:48:47I'm telling you, man, Scooby-Doo is computer-generated.
00:48:49No way.
00:48:51You look so real.
00:48:52I'm very interested in this.
00:48:54But I have to check on something first.
00:48:57Choking?
00:48:58Heimlich Mando!
00:48:59Heimlich!
00:48:59Heimlich!
00:49:00Heimlich!
00:49:02I'm not choking!
00:49:03Are you choking or not choking?
00:49:05I gotta know.
00:49:05I'm not choking.
00:49:06Not choking.
00:49:07My mistake.
00:49:08That's important.
00:49:09He was not choking.
00:49:10And I was doing the Heimlich maneuver.
00:49:11That could be dangerous.
00:49:12I'm sorry.
00:49:13That's my fault.
00:49:14Someone's not choking.
00:49:16No Mando!
00:49:19No Mando!
00:49:23Robin, Ricky, I better take these.
00:49:28Chicken saute?
00:49:29I get a little stick stuck in my...
00:49:31So I guess...
00:49:33Not a chance.
00:49:34What else you got?
00:49:35Crab cakes.
00:49:36With your attitude, they should be called crabby cakes.
00:49:39Okay.
00:49:40Now I'm going to ask you.
00:49:42Have you got a little winner and some tiny nuts?
00:49:44Sorry?
00:49:45You know, I could tell just by looking at you.
00:49:47You had a little winner and some tiny nuts.
00:49:51Oh, yeah.
00:49:55Oh, hi.
00:49:56Hi.
00:49:57I was just looking for the bathroom.
00:49:59In the living room?
00:50:01Oh, well, you had lovely furniture and I just thought I...
00:50:05I'll show you.
00:50:08After you freshen up, why don't you join me on the terrace for an aperitif?
00:50:12It's lovely out there.
00:50:13Oh.
00:50:15Oh, yeah!
00:50:16Gotta dance.
00:50:17What?
00:50:18Yes.
00:50:20Come on.
00:50:21Shake your body, baby.
00:50:22Holy h Councillor.
00:50:23I know you can't control yourself any longer.
00:50:25Feel the rhythm and the music getting stronger.
00:50:27Don't you fight it till you try to do that strong?
00:50:29I don't.
00:50:29Shake your body, baby.
00:50:30Holy hicks.
00:50:31I know you can't control yourself any longer.
00:50:33Feel the rhythm and the music getting stronger.
00:50:35Don't you fight it till you try to do that strong?
00:50:37Be.
00:50:41Hola!
00:50:42Hola!
00:50:43Who is this guy?
00:50:43This idiot is ruining my party, bring him to me.
00:51:08Hey, did you see a dark-haired guy run by here?
00:51:13Dark-haired guy run by chief, dark-haired guy go in the water, shark in the water.
00:51:25Farewell and adieu, my wee Spanish ladies.
00:51:30What are you talking about?
00:51:32I'm talking about him, Ray.
00:51:34What?
00:51:37What?
00:51:38I'm talking about a great white chief.
00:51:42Two-ton of him.
00:51:44Twenty.
00:51:45Maybe twenty-five footer.
00:51:47There's no shark here.
00:51:49You sure about that, chief?
00:51:52Ever seen a shark's eyes, chief?
00:51:55Kinda like doll's eyes, all black and lifeless-like.
00:52:00Twenty-nine kids go in the water.
00:52:03Twenty-two kids come out of the water.
00:52:06The ice cream man, he'd take the rest.
00:52:09April the 9th, half past four for him.
00:52:14Why?
00:52:15Show me your arm.
00:52:17You wanna see my arm, chief?
00:52:18That's my arm right there, chiefie.
00:52:20Stop becoming another person.
00:52:22Stop becoming another person.
00:52:23Stop becoming another person.
00:52:24Stop becoming another person.
00:52:25Stop becoming another person.
00:52:26Stop becoming another person.
00:52:27Stop becoming another person.
00:52:28Stop becoming another person.
00:52:29Stop becoming another person.
00:52:30Stop becoming another person.
00:52:31Stop becoming another person.
00:52:32Stop becoming another person.
00:52:33I ran away from the big blue henchies.
00:52:35From the big blue henchies.
00:52:42Oh, man.
00:52:43I just stepped on a cow pie.
00:52:45Forget about it, all right?
00:52:45I told you he wasn't here.
00:52:46Let's go back.
00:52:57Fresh air.
00:53:02I told you.
00:53:03There he is.
00:53:05He's the master of disguise.
00:53:09And you may never recognize.
00:53:11He's the master of disguise.
00:53:15And you may never recognize.
00:53:17He's the master of disguise.
00:53:20Yes, he is.
00:53:21Yes, he is.
00:53:21And you may never recognize.
00:53:23He's the master of disguise.
00:53:31Hello.
00:53:31Hello. My name's Constable Mueller from the Bavarian Tax Authority.
00:53:36Hello.
00:53:39And I'm here looking for Ms. Jennifer Baker.
00:53:42She owes a substantial amount of back taxes
00:53:45from her time as an exchange student at the University of Heidelstrudel.
00:53:50I just need to ask her a couple questions, little questions.
00:53:53I'm not going to bite her.
00:53:55Could I just speak with her just one moment?
00:53:59I'm not going to bite.
00:54:04Hey.
00:54:05Brink.
00:54:06Yes?
00:54:07Don't move.
00:54:08Uh-oh.
00:54:09Wait right here.
00:54:10Yes, of course.
00:54:11Wait right here.
00:54:13Doesn't sound too promising.
00:54:16It's time to go to Plan B.
00:54:18You need to relax.
00:54:19Yes, you do.
00:54:20Yes, you do.
00:54:21No, I just... I don't really like being touched.
00:54:25Oh.
00:54:26You dropped your purse.
00:54:27Yeah, thank you.
00:54:28I got it.
00:54:29I got it.
00:54:30Okay.
00:54:31Um...
00:54:32Let's see what's in here, shall we?
00:54:33Well, it's just... there's nothing inside.
00:54:35It's just I had a little cold, so there's some kind of medicine for that.
00:54:38So it's just... it's really gross in there.
00:54:40Why don't you come with me, my dear?
00:54:41All right.
00:54:42This way.
00:54:43Yes.
00:54:46Hey, where'd you come from?
00:54:47Where's the other guy?
00:54:48Suave.
00:54:49Terry Suave's the name.
00:54:50London.
00:54:51Scotland Yard.
00:54:52That sort of thing.
00:54:53What do you want?
00:54:54It's not what I want that matters.
00:54:55It's what the British government wants.
00:54:57And that's a Miss Jennifer Baker at her service.
00:55:01Oh.
00:55:02In regards to Operation Minty Hippo.
00:55:06Minty Hippo?
00:55:07What is that?
00:55:08Well, I could tell you, but it'd be real ding-dong-dingity-ding-wad.
00:55:12Hut one, hut two.
00:55:13I need a Charleston Chu.
00:55:14Get it.
00:55:15Got it.
00:55:16Doubt it.
00:55:17I think it's time for you to go.
00:55:18And I think it's time for you to put a squeeze on your chat box.
00:55:21What?
00:55:22This is what you're doing.
00:55:23This is what I want you to do.
00:55:25Any questions?
00:55:26Did you just tell me to shut up?
00:55:28Yes.
00:55:29You catch on straight away.
00:55:31Oh, the muscle.
00:55:32Yes.
00:55:33Of course.
00:55:34Familiar scenario.
00:55:35You want to get physical, physical.
00:55:37Well, a sharp blow to the dewy gumbel would get the festivities started.
00:55:40And finally, a smack to the bitchy dodge.
00:55:42Did someone yell timber?
00:55:44Oh, listen.
00:55:46It is okay.
00:55:47I, I, uh, I did receive a letter.
00:55:51She received a letter.
00:55:53Get it?
00:55:54Got it?
00:55:55Doubt it.
00:55:56Good day to you, sir.
00:56:02Follow them.
00:56:07I believe that Devlin Bowman has forced my papa to become a master of disguise once more in order to steal rare treasures from around the world.
00:56:24Yes.
00:56:25My disguise instincts tell me that they are in the mansion somewhere.
00:56:29Oh!
00:56:31A tight blue sweater!
00:56:33Sorry, Trent.
00:56:34Trent?
00:56:35Who, who, who is this?
00:56:37Hey, baby.
00:56:38We were just, uh...
00:56:39Sophia, you here now with Trent?
00:56:41What are the odds?
00:56:42Shut up, clown.
00:56:44Leave him alone, you bully!
00:56:46Don't worry, Jennifer.
00:56:48The slapping time she comes.
00:56:51Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this.
00:56:53Mustachio!
00:56:54It is demoralizing to your opponent to repeat the phrase,
00:56:57Who's your daddy?
00:56:59Yes.
00:57:00Who is your daddy, Trent?
00:57:06Who is your daddy?
00:57:12Having fun now, Trent?
00:57:14Oh!
00:57:15How do you do?
00:57:16How do you do?
00:57:29Uhh...
00:57:30Oh!
00:57:31Yes.
00:57:32Can you do?
00:57:33Oh, Visagio?
00:57:36Yeah!
00:57:38Thank you for saving me from that horrible person!
00:57:41You can't touch this.
00:57:42Let's go, Jennifer.
00:57:44You can't touch this.
00:57:48Hey! My little waiter friend, Mr. Stargrip!
00:58:00Thanks for letting me borrow the Apollo Lunar Module for my tour aid license.
00:58:03No problem, Ms. Simpson. Thanks for the CDs.
00:58:06I hope you like them.
00:58:07Oh, thanks.
00:58:17Jessica Simpson.
00:58:22You seem tired, Fabrizio.
00:58:25Don't worry. It's almost over.
00:58:28You're insane!
00:58:33Thruly insane.
00:58:35Am I?
00:58:36Ha-ha-ha!
00:58:39Ha-ha-ha!
00:58:42Ha-ha-ha!
00:58:43Oh.
00:58:50Ha.
00:58:51He's okay. He's asleep with the cuteness.
00:58:54I wanna get something off my chest.
00:58:56today when when when I saw you dressed up like that the crazy hairy guy at that
00:59:04moment I really thought you were this this this pathetic insane absurd spastic
00:59:12little man and now I believe that you can do anything
00:59:19that's very nice but not exactly true I can't turn mud into oatmeal for example
00:59:26I can't build a spaceship that would travel to Pluto no but you can find a
00:59:32way to rescue your mama and your papa yes yes I believe now too your pep talk is
00:59:40transforming my tiny butter bottom I mean Jennifer you said tiny butter bottom
00:59:45did I the future mother of my babies I mean Jennifer you said future mother of
00:59:52my babies did I fat cat mama with a red dress on I mean I know I don't know why
01:00:00I said that it just was the emotion you just my first kiss I must apologize I was a
01:00:11little forward but perhaps you enjoyed a little bit you know what time it is
01:00:19time to make a plan ah yes yes yes yes back to business the planning time she comes okay
01:00:38the cuteness was on God but of course he would be no match against Bowman's henchman who had orders to
01:01:08kidnap Jennifer time was running out for Fabrizio as Bowman put the final
01:01:13touches on his evil scheme grandfather please I need your help I am out to write
01:01:22these
01:01:24grandfather you are a big floating head I'm a pre-recorded hologram what is your question I fear
01:01:38I have not mastered enough energy go to overcome our enemies pistachio I was hoping you'd be here
01:01:44what are you doing here my mom's missing but I found this Bowman's cigar is my mom okay
01:01:51she's probably she's probably just out to buying cigars right now we have a work to do here yes
01:01:56pray Barney Baker I need a disguise to get into the Bowman mansion how about if you just
01:02:00grandpa why don't we give him a chance sometimes out of the mouth of babies all right but quietly
01:02:09you never know who might be listening that's a crazy so crazy it just might work
01:02:19feast your eyes some of the world's greatest treasures like the Liberty Bell there's Mona Lisa
01:02:29the ruby slippers a Fatsy Ross original how about that David we got Bruce Willis's hairpiece from
01:02:36die-hard 2 one of my prized possessions here the Apollo 11 lunar module yep one small step for man
01:02:45we at black mark eBay have a policy of not asking how items are obtained but in your case I I am
01:02:52curious Italy's own Fabrizio disguise II okay okay so it so it is the master of disguise okay want to see him
01:03:00okay so you can auction him off too easy
01:03:11it's you right I'm going to crazy glue this to Fabrizio's head then tomorrow I'm going to push him
01:03:24over a cliff everyone will think I'm dead it's called the perfect crime ever heard of it let me show
01:03:31you the rest of the items mr. Bowman no cherry pie later Palmer I don't even know where this terrified came
01:03:43from don't think
01:04:01oh these cherries are so ticklish and the slippery
01:04:07cuteness this is dangerous go home
01:04:15oh
01:04:46Jennifer was forced to become the Black Mark eBay spokesmodel
01:04:50as our nation's treasures were being auctioned off.
01:04:54The famous We the People.
01:04:56Your nerd, check this out.
01:04:58Someone had made a offer.
01:05:00That's right, I'll move on to you.
01:05:03Did it ever occur to you that this cherry pie thing was Fabrizio's son?
01:05:09No matter.
01:05:11Oh, by the way, Steve, your wife called?
01:05:14Oh, that's great. Thank you, sir.
01:05:17Sure.
01:05:19You're not married!
01:05:25Pistachio?
01:05:27Now we got you.
01:05:29How did you know it was me?
01:05:40Whoa, whoa.
01:05:44Who's your daddy?
01:05:48Who's your daddy?
01:05:52Who's sick gonna be one who can become another?
01:05:57Who's sick gonna be one?
01:05:59With a sample sliver, he didn't know my name and face.
01:06:02He can't live the world into a better place.
01:06:06Who's sick gonna be one who can become another?
01:06:09Who's sick gonna be one who can become another?
01:06:10Could be your sister or your mother.
01:06:13Who's sick gonna be one who's sick to the wise?
01:06:16Better not make with the Master of Disguise.
01:06:20Now this little dude is slapping these ninja guys, Sisley.
01:06:23The Master of Disguise.
01:06:26Oh, please.
01:06:28Jennifer, I set you free.
01:06:29That's my belt.
01:06:31Wait, wait, ninjas.
01:06:33Oh, wait, oh, wait.
01:06:37Anyone who stays gets a raise.
01:06:39You may want to see this.
01:06:46Smorgasbord.
01:06:48Mama, look out!
01:07:02No more caramel corn for me.
01:07:05Pistachio.
01:07:10Grandpapa.
01:07:11I wanted to be here to witness your first Disguisee victory.
01:07:15Hey, Disguisees, it's not over yet.
01:07:17First you will see who is your daddy.
01:07:23I was going to throw him off a cliff.
01:07:25Instead, I think I'll have him kill you.
01:07:35Hey, Papa, Papa.
01:07:38I'm not your Papa.
01:07:39In his weakened state,
01:07:40he must have been pulled over to the dark side of Energy Coon.
01:07:43There's a dark side?
01:07:44Exactly like Star Wars?
01:07:45I am Devlin Bowman!
01:07:46No, Papa, you are not Bowman.
01:07:48Take off your mask.
01:07:49Let's all go grab a bite to eat at the Olive Garden.
01:07:52I am Devlin Bowman!
01:07:54I have a secret underground lair filled with rare objects!
01:08:11Because of you Disguisees, I spent 20 years in the Palermo State Penitentiary.
01:08:17I hate you!
01:08:18Ah!
01:08:19Give me Papa!
01:08:20Pistachio!
01:08:21No, no, no.
01:08:22This is between fathers.
01:08:23I am not your Papa!
01:08:24Pistachio, be careful!
01:08:25You are!
01:08:26You are my Papa!
01:08:27No!
01:08:28I swear to God!
01:08:29I am not!
01:08:30Ah!
01:08:31Oh!
01:08:32Oh!
01:08:33Oh!
01:08:34Oh!
01:08:35Oh!
01:08:36Oh!
01:08:37Oh!
01:08:38Oh!
01:08:39Oh!
01:08:40Oh!
01:08:41Oh!
01:08:42Oh!
01:08:43Oh!
01:08:44Oh!
01:08:45Oh!
01:08:46Oh!
01:08:47Oh!
01:08:48Oh!
01:08:49Hey!
01:08:50Use the energy, could be Sacio!
01:08:52Yes!
01:08:53But Papa Bowman, please, don't you remember?
01:08:56I would put the underwear on my head and you would take it off.
01:08:59Oh, those were the days, right?
01:09:01What are you talking about?
01:09:04Underwear coming stuck in butt crack.
01:09:09Yes.
01:09:10No.
01:09:11No.
01:09:12Oh!
01:09:13Yes.
01:09:14Yes.
01:09:15Oh!
01:09:16Oh!
01:09:17Oh!
01:09:18Oh!
01:09:19Oh!
01:09:20Take that mask off your face
01:09:29Papa
01:09:33Mustache Papa
01:09:36The nose
01:09:38Yes
01:09:40The eye
01:09:42Oh, yes
01:09:50My son
01:09:52It's a great deal
01:09:54Yes
01:09:56Pull him up
01:09:58Oh, Papa
01:10:00The Disguisey tradition
01:10:02Papa free!
01:10:03So we freed Mama
01:10:05Jennifer became Mrs. Disguisey
01:10:07And Barney got a Papa
01:10:09Finally, Pistachio became
01:10:12The Master of Disguise
01:10:15But there was one thing left to do
01:10:18We had to get the Constitution back from woman
01:10:21Hola, señor
01:10:22Mmm
01:10:23Hola, muchachita
01:10:25Can I get you anything?
01:10:26Well, what do you get a man who has everything?
01:10:29I can't believe it
01:10:31This President Bush
01:10:33What?
01:10:34Let's see
01:10:36Let me get you
01:10:37Mr. President
01:10:38Folks around here call me W
01:10:40But you can call me King George
01:10:43That was a joke, son
01:10:48Would you mind if we had a picture together?
01:10:51I'll take your time
01:10:52Now I'm ready
01:10:53Say
01:10:54It's an honor
01:10:55Who's your daddy?
01:10:56Sir?
01:10:57This is what you're doing
01:10:58This is what I want you to do
01:11:00Any questions?
01:11:01It's you!
01:11:02Yes, yes
01:11:04It is me
01:11:05The Master of Disguise
01:11:07Get him
01:11:10You're surrounded by disguises
01:11:11I think I stepped in the cowpire
01:11:13Forget about it
01:11:15Bring on the heat
01:11:16I came to get the Constitution back
01:11:20Hoo-yah!
01:11:21And this one's part of you, Chiefy
01:11:23Is he dead?
01:11:33The Bowman, he make this stinky
01:11:40Who's your daddy?
01:11:45Yeah
01:11:46It's an M-A-S-T-E-R of disguise
01:11:49Watch you get in front of your eyes
01:11:50A master
01:11:52A master
01:11:54It's an M-A-S-T-E-R of disguise
01:11:57Watch you get in front of your eyes
01:11:59A master
01:12:00A master
01:12:02A master
01:12:03Now, who's that?
01:12:04Who's back?
01:12:05It's a master that's got some like this and like that
01:12:07Let me tell you a little story about the guy behind the mask
01:12:09He used to get clumped so he had to change faster
01:12:11Learn time going through a couple of jabs
01:12:13You know that can change in the blink of an ah
01:12:15Turn from a turtle to a nerdy guy
01:12:17Now tell me one stupid girl that's this boy
01:12:19He's a happy
01:12:21Zello to my little friend, eh?
01:12:25Hoo-yah!
01:12:31By the authority vested in me by the disguisey tradition
01:12:34Page 73 of the pop-up book
01:12:36I hereby pronounce you
01:12:38Wife
01:12:39Son
01:12:40And
01:12:41Master
01:12:42Of disguise
01:12:44Bravo, Mr. Marlowe
01:12:45Bravo, eh?
01:12:52Once I shot an elephant in my pyjamas
01:12:54How I got in my pyjamas, I'll never know
01:12:56I'd like to spin you on your spinely spobbly spibbly spibbly
01:12:59Oh, baby's gonna cry?
01:13:01Is mommy caught?
01:13:09And cut!
01:13:12Oh, rum, Jennifer, rum!
01:13:15Pistachio!
01:13:16Oh!
01:13:17Action!
01:13:18Oh!
01:13:19Oh!
01:13:20Oh!
01:13:24Death!
01:13:29Death!
01:13:30God
01:13:31I like the juice
01:13:34You like the juice
01:13:36Sometimes that master of disguise go away, sometimes he don't go away.
01:13:43Now, the master of disguise, can he change into, say, Barbra Streisand?
01:13:52Of course.
01:13:54Britney Spears?
01:13:56You're a sick man.
01:13:59The Olsen twins?
01:14:06Stop!
01:14:13There's a nice, cool river mustache there.
01:14:17On the big, bald, mean guy's face.
01:14:19Ooh.
01:14:21That's refreshing.
01:14:22Hold.
01:14:24Hold.
01:14:25Hold.
01:14:27Unleash hell.
01:14:29Yeah.
01:14:31Y'all ready to do this one?
01:14:34All right then.
01:14:35Let's go.
01:14:36Whoo!
01:14:37Come on!
01:14:41Ooh, yeah!
01:14:45Don't stop doing anything with you.
01:14:48Oh, your sweet love is making me high, yeah.
01:14:53Don't stop giving me all your love.
01:14:57I never knew if I'd see Jenny again.
01:15:00Yes, I've seen your type before.
01:15:03What are you doing?
01:15:04Yes, I'm gammy num nums and take a gammy of my nummy nums.
01:15:08We don't want to go anywhere with you, melon heads.
01:15:10What?
01:15:11You filthy thief!
01:15:12Take that!
01:15:13And that!
01:15:14And that!
01:15:17Buttercup says you're a bad man.
01:15:20I'm not the dummy, he's the dummy.
01:15:21Can you believe how stiff he is?
01:15:22And I'm the one made of wood.
01:15:27I don't want to throw bubbles.
01:15:28Woo hoo hoo!
01:15:29Woo hoo hoo!
01:15:30Woo hoo hoo!
01:15:31Woo hoo hoo!
01:15:32Buttercup says you're a bad man.
01:15:34I'm not the dummy, he's the dummy.
01:15:36Can you believe how stiff he is?
01:15:37And I'm the one made of wood.
01:15:40I don't want to throw bubbles.
01:15:55Woo hoo hoo!
01:15:56Woo hoo hoo!
01:15:57Have you got a little wiener or something?
01:15:59Well, get the bee out of there.
01:16:00I'm not going to play games.
01:16:02Have you got a little wiener or some little...
01:16:04Get out of here.
01:16:05I got a little bee.
01:16:06There's no wiener.
01:16:07And there's just a bee.
01:16:09I got a f***ing shot.
01:16:13I still have the greatest anti-disguisey weapon of all.
01:16:21There's a dark side exactly like Star Wars?
01:16:25I'm not going to fall with you.
01:16:28Ah, are you?
01:16:29Hey.
01:16:30What's going on?
01:16:31Pistachios!
01:16:32Engraved danger!
01:16:33Pistachio, come back!
01:16:34Come back!
01:16:35Come back!
01:16:36Come back!
01:16:37A button.
01:16:38A button!
01:16:39A button!
01:16:40A button!
01:16:41A button!
01:16:42A button!
01:16:43A button!
01:16:44A button!
01:16:45A button!
01:16:46A button!
01:16:47A button!
01:16:48Yes, I see now, love is thicker than your behinds.
01:16:57Look what daddy made for you, a little sweater.
01:17:00I knit it last night for you, little buttercup.
01:17:03My name is Gluteus Maximus, are you not entertained?
01:17:07Why are your arms around the tushku?
01:17:10Wait, I screwed it up.
01:17:12She's the cake, you're the queen.
01:17:14Whatever, all right, here we go.
01:17:15And remember, Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall.
01:17:20No one really had a clue what he was doing up there in the first place.
01:17:38Now show me some toys.
01:17:39Toys, yes, of course, toys.
01:17:41Yeah, how about this?
01:17:42This is the world's first giant yo-yo.
01:17:45Oh, oh.
01:17:46Whoopsie-cadabra.
01:17:47Looks more like a no-yo.
01:17:49Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:17:51Look at this, I'm gonna be like that.
01:17:53Oh!
01:17:54Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:18:05Hello?
01:18:07What?
01:18:15Hello?
01:18:17Hello?
01:18:18What?
01:18:19Who are you?
01:18:33What were you doing in the slapping tummy?
01:18:36Come back here, slapping tummy man.
01:18:40It was you all along, all the time.
01:18:44You were the one.
01:18:45I'm going to get you.
01:18:47Now, all right, all right, let's not fight.
01:18:52I just want to talk, OK?
01:18:54Now, listen, I just want to talk to you, all right?
01:18:58Slappy!
01:18:59Yeah!
01:19:00Oh, I hate it.
01:19:03Come back here.
01:19:06Come back here, slapping tummy man.
01:19:12Please.
01:19:13I'll get you pistachio.
01:19:14Please slapping, dummy man.
01:19:16I'll get you pistachio.
01:19:18I didn't mean a slapping dummy man.
01:19:20I'll get you pistachio.
01:19:21I did not mean a slapping dummy man.
01:19:23I'll get you pistachio.
01:19:26So we find the nest, which was amazing.
01:19:28And then we start the training.
01:19:30And then we go to the slapping dummy.
01:19:32No offense.
01:19:33But you gave me quite a workout a couple of times.
01:19:37I'm telling you must really love to slap.
01:19:39I love to slap.
01:19:40Yes, you love to slap, yes.
01:19:42What do you people still do in here?
01:19:44You just saw the movie, OK?
01:19:46I'm trying to talk.
01:19:47All right?
01:19:48Goodbye.
01:19:49All right.
01:19:50So anyway, pistachio, I'm sad.
01:19:54What is the matter?
01:19:55I want to say goodbye.
01:19:56All right, we fade up.
01:19:58Goodbye.
01:19:59Goodbye.
01:20:00들려.
01:20:02We'll see you soon.
01:20:06No more dog food
01:20:08All right.
01:20:16Bye.
01:20:18Bye.
01:20:20Bye.
01:20:25Bye.
01:20:27Bye.
01:20:27Bye.
01:20:29Bye.
01:20:29Bye.
01:20:29Bye.
01:20:30Bye.
01:20:30Bye.
01:20:30Bye.
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