How I Met Your Mother: The Truth About Ted, Barney & Marshall (Compilation) (You Missed This)

The Take Film TV Movie

Ted Mosby, Marshall Eriksen and Barney Stinson each encountered (and caused) their own fair share of problems in life and love over the course of How I Met Your Mother's story. They definitely...

Transcript

00:00:00On paper, Marshall Erikson is the perfect man.

00:00:03But is he really?

00:00:04Marshall gets to be the moral center of How I Met Your Mother.

00:00:07Part of his moral superiority stems from the fact that he's been with Lily for his entire adult life

00:00:13and is a doting boyfriend, husband, and father.

00:00:16Lily's a part of who I am.

00:00:17Something that insulates him from the many horrible and manipulative dating decisions made by Barney and Ted.

00:00:23In fact, he calls out his more immature friends for their transgressions.

00:00:26He's committed to being a good husband and father, and he wants to improve the world.

00:00:29And if economic sanctions and trade restrictions aren't enforced,

00:00:33the destruction of the rainforest will continue and over a million species will be wiped out.

00:00:38So you don't want to call?

00:00:39But upon further inspection, Marshall seems to be just as self-serving and morally limited as the rest of the cast.

00:00:45And he displays How I Met Your Mother's inherently limited moral outlook

00:00:48that being a good person basically means being a supportive friend.

00:00:51Here's our take on how How I Met Your Mother's nicest guy, Marshall, reveals the show's underlying philosophy.

00:00:59Of all the characters on How I Met Your Mother, Marshall is consistently depicted as the most ethical

00:01:04and the one most committed to being a good person.

00:01:07Javier, Marcello, Suzanne.

00:01:11Hey, dang, let me help you with that.

00:01:13And on this very relationships-focused show,

00:01:16being a good person is largely determined by who you are as a friend and partner.

00:01:20Most centrally, he's the token good guy of the three male leads.

00:01:24Marshall frequently acts as a moral check on Ted and Barney,

00:01:27reminding them that it is, in fact, possible to go too far in their pursuit of serial conquests.

00:01:33You kissed a married woman, Ted.

00:01:36You committed credit card fraud.

00:01:38You kissed a married woman!

00:01:40Marshall gets a lot of high ground in his group,

00:01:43and like a bloody point from the audience,

00:01:45through his being in a long-term committed monogamous partnership.

00:01:48Lily is also the more dominant person in their relationship,

00:01:51something that gets established in the pilot and that the series frequently uses for comedy.

00:01:56Hit me?

00:01:57Please! This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun.

00:02:00These jokes establish Marshall as being non-threatening,

00:02:03even though Jason Segel is much taller and bigger than Allison Hannigan.

00:02:06Even his brief breakup with Lily makes Marshall seem sympathetic,

00:02:09and like the quote-unquote weaker partner,

00:02:11instead of the cliche of the man avoiding commitment,

00:02:15she is the one who leaves him.

00:02:16Well, she left, and I don't even know if she's coming back.

00:02:20This contrast applies to their respective values, too.

00:02:23While Lily's idea of justice generally involves deciding that she knows what's best for people around her

00:02:28and manipulating them accordingly,

00:02:30Marshall prides himself on believing in people and assuming the best of even those who have hurt him.

00:02:34Marshall, you love everything and everyone.

00:02:37It's what I love about you, but it's also why your stamps are total crap.

00:02:42However, Marshall is consistently faced with choosing between the greater good and his family.

00:02:47Though Marshall generally wants to make the world a better place,

00:02:50Marshall more specifically believes in the family-first mentality,

00:02:53something he got from his own large, tight-knit Minnesota family.

00:02:57My dad was my hero, and he was my teacher, and he was my best friend.

00:03:04This view is so entrenched, he forces it on Lily's relationship with her estranged father, Mickey,

00:03:09despite how poorly Mickey treated his daughter.

00:03:11Lily, he's family, okay?

00:03:13And I'm sorry, but you just don't cut off family.

00:03:16Marshall has a highly traditional idea of family,

00:03:18while Lily is more adventurous and open about being attracted to other people,

00:03:22including other women.

00:03:24Marshall is disgusted by even the idea of sleeping with anyone else.

00:03:27Lily, Jerry needs to learn that other lifestyles are just as fulfilling as monogamy,

00:03:31so now you and Marshall are in an open marriage.

00:03:33Gross!

00:03:35Marshall's love for family above all is presented as a great virtue,

00:03:38but it's also his ethical downfall and the thing that makes him and the show ultimately limited in their morality.

00:03:48Marshall tries to maintain the moral high ground throughout the series,

00:03:51but what defines his ethical standards?

00:03:53And what happens when he is forced to choose between his traditional family values and serving the greater good?

00:03:59Though he is repeatedly depicted as an idealistic crusader who wants to protect the environment,

00:04:03he winds up in a series of corporate law jobs which break his spirit and cause him to work for the exact opposite of his ideals.

00:04:10I became a lawyer to save the environment, and now I'm working for the bad guys instead.

00:04:14Why would Marshall spend years undermining everything he says he believes, you may ask?

00:04:18Well, this is a classic moral dilemma.

00:04:20He wants to make enough money to support his family.

00:04:23This is a job for me, Barney.

00:04:25It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it.

00:04:27Marshall constantly has to pick between his moral obligation to his family and his moral obligation to the world.

00:04:32This causes him a lot of cognitive dissonance,

00:04:35where he feels in order to fulfill his duty in one area of his life, he must compromise the other.

00:04:39Often, Marshall describes his corporate work as being empty.

00:04:42I have to go.

00:04:43I have a big, meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk

00:04:47to make room for tomorrow's big, meaningless stack of paperwork.

00:04:50But it would be one thing for his work to be simply meaningless.

00:04:53Instead, it's actively harmful.

00:04:55He helps the people that work to destroy the environment to make money for himself and his loved ones,

00:05:00which is ultimately very selfish.

00:05:01I know that you would have been okay if we were poor and I was trying to save the world.

00:05:06The real question is, is there truly such a harsh binary as Marshall imagines,

00:05:11where keeping your family alive requires sacrificing your whole belief system?

00:05:16Will you still be okay if I make a lot of money and I spend all of it spoiling you and our kids?

00:05:23Does he actually value the environment as much as he says he does,

00:05:26or was that just something that sounded good when he was young?

00:05:29That was a great dream, but we have a mortgage and we're trying to have kids.

00:05:34We're grownups now, Lily.

00:05:36Even when he's quitting one of his soul-sucking jobs,

00:05:38Marshall's main concern is telling Lily about the threat to their livelihood.

00:05:42How am I supposed to tell the person who I love more than anything in this world

00:05:46that I've just thrown away our future?

00:05:48Though Marshall eventually manages to find work at an environmental law firm,

00:05:51it's for far less time than he spends in corporate law.

00:05:54So at least in his law career before becoming a judge, he has done more damage than good.

00:05:59Over the course of the series, we realize what is really important to Marshall,

00:06:02his own friends and family, at the expense of what he claims to value regarding the greater good.

00:06:08Consider the moment when Ted, struggling personally and professionally,

00:06:11pitches to design a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank,

00:06:14only to have Barney give the job to a rival architectural firm.

00:06:17Marshall tells Barney he's doing the wrong thing by picking a different design.

00:06:20How could you do this to Ted after everything he's been through with Stella?

00:06:24You're just being selfish.

00:06:25To Marshall, picking your friend over a better qualified stranger is the right thing to do.

00:06:29But this is simply nepotism.

00:06:31Before Marshall intervenes, Barney is actually doing his job.

00:06:34He might have bad taste, but he's choosing the design he genuinely thinks is best.

00:06:38Marshall, this isn't about my office.

00:06:40Ted's building was good, Sven's was better.

00:06:43And I am not gonna let the fact that I am Ted's best friend be a factor in business.

00:06:47If we step back, most of us would likely say Barney initially did the right thing,

00:06:51but in Marshall's telling, the right thing is the one that helps the people closest to you,

00:06:55even if it bends or breaks larger moral rules like fairness in the process.

00:06:59There are repercussions to screwing over a friend.

00:07:01And in keeping with the series' overall message,

00:07:04the episode ultimately lands on Barney realizing that moral compass Marshall is right.

00:07:09Look, Ted, your design was the best, and you deserve it.

00:07:12All this raises the question, how moral is Marshall, and by what standards do we judge him?

00:07:21Even when Marshall does take action to do the right thing, it often feels somewhat self-serving.

00:07:25He fantasizes about the glory of having saved the planet again through family,

00:07:29imagining impressing his future son.

00:07:32One good deed leads to another and another.

00:07:37Man, you're wise.

00:07:39Marshall's sentimental need to feel good about doing good things can make him naive and overly trusting,

00:07:43open to be taken advantage of.

00:07:45This is seen in his relationship with his law school friend Brad,

00:07:48who pretends to be down on his luck in order to gain access to Marshall's law office.

00:07:52I heard about the job opening at Honeywell & Cootes,

00:07:55and knew that if I hung out in front of your office and pretended to be down on my luck,

00:08:00you'd take pity on me and get me an interview.

00:08:02Instead of being fired, Marshall is ultimately rewarded for this.

00:08:06He narrowly X out a win in the case,

00:08:09though only for $1,000 more than his firm had originally been offered in a settlement.

00:08:13It's a personal victory for Marshall,

00:08:15but the other lawyers at his firm could have worked on other cases and done much more important work.

00:08:19This disappointment eventually leads to Marshall's decision to become a judge,

00:08:23so he can impose his ideas on environment-related cases.

00:08:26Not only would he have more power in such a position,

00:08:28but he feels the amount of good he can do will outweigh the bad of his previous work-related decisions.

00:08:33There's people like you, people with hope and vision and intake,

00:08:38that should be behind that bench making the calls.

00:08:41And that's when I realized I wanted to be a judge.

00:08:44As a judge, Marshall claims the authority to make decisions on behalf of other people,

00:08:47but as we've seen, his own judgment isn't always the most objective.

00:08:51Marshall routinely puts personal relationships above the greater issues,

00:08:54as we see in this very episode.

00:08:56Though his co-worker Brad lied to Marshall and worked in support of the polluters he supposedly hates,

00:09:01it only takes one brunch invitation for Marshall to accept Brad's apology.

00:09:05Would you object to an $11.15 brunch resi for two tomorrow at the popover pantry?

00:09:11I'll allow it.

00:09:13In this respect, Marshall's appeal for the audience is a lot like Barney's.

00:09:16He might behave badly in his outside life,

00:09:18but as long as he treats his close friends in a generally kind and supportive way,

00:09:22we can forgive him and continue to watch the show.

00:09:24In fact, what Marshall learns from his trial is the same thing Barney learns

00:09:28when he starts working at GMB in the first place.

00:09:30The best way to get what you want is to go where power is.

00:09:33Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals probably polluted that lake,

00:09:36but I'm not going to ruin an important company just because they gave some bird a rash.

00:09:39Overall, Marshall seems to try to do what's right,

00:09:42as long as it doesn't cause any problems for himself, his family, or his friends,

00:09:47which makes him know fundamentally better than any of the other characters.

00:09:50While they may be frustrating at times, Marshall's inconsistencies make him human,

00:09:55and a flawed character that we love to watch.

00:09:57He operates on a plane of hope that all will be well as long as you have faith.

00:10:01Faith is what gives life shape and meaning.

00:10:03I mean, if there aren't yetis and leprechauns,

00:10:05what's the point of even getting up in the morning?

00:10:07Perhaps what leads everyone around him and the viewers to see him as a moral center

00:10:11is that Marshall believes he's doing the right thing at any given moment.

00:10:14Marshall has to believe in his pebble theory,

00:10:16that one win or small victory can cause other good outcomes

00:10:19and maybe somehow make up for the rest of what he's done with his life.

00:10:23And the series frame narrative of Ted talking to his kids in the future

00:10:25proves Marshall right,

00:10:27even saying that his law firm somehow reversed climate change.

00:10:30We're going to save the planet.

00:10:32And kids, as we now know, they did.

00:10:36By the end of the series, we've spent enough time with Marshall

00:10:38and are sufficiently invested in his relationships

00:10:41that we want him to overcome any obstacle by simply being a nice guy.

00:10:45And it's through Marshall's character

00:10:47that we get How I Met Your Mother's ethical map.

00:10:49For better or worse, ultimately the show tells us

00:10:51that being good to your loved ones

00:10:53is the most concrete and realistic route

00:10:55to being a relatively moral person

00:10:57and living a fulfilled life.

00:10:59How I Met Your Mother's Barney Stinson

00:11:02is nothing without his suit.

00:11:05Nothing suits me like a suit!

00:11:07It's the uniform that makes him feel like a superhero,

00:11:11whether he's at work, hanging out with his friends, or wooing women.

00:11:14Do you remember why we suit up, James?

00:11:17The suit shows that we are a force to be reckoned with.

00:11:19Barney's suits are such a vital part of his identity

00:11:22that even the origin story we get for this confident ladies' man

00:11:26culminates in him putting on the suit.

00:11:29That was the night I was born.

00:11:31I rose like a phoenix, Armani clad and fully awesome.

00:11:36So what's the deeper symbolism

00:11:38of the Barnacle's fashion item of choice?

00:11:41I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family.

00:11:43By dressing the way he does,

00:11:45Barney invokes centuries of associations with the suit,

00:11:49a long-held signifier of masculinity, success, and power.

00:11:53How do you sleep at night?

00:11:54A bed made of money.

00:11:55This unapologetic bro, who begins as a fragile, sensitive,

00:12:00and damaged individual, uses his everyday costume

00:12:03to project an idea of himself,

00:12:06which is the foundation of his whole worldview.

00:12:08Take the money.

00:12:10Money's good.

00:12:11Money is happiness.

00:12:12But there's also a darker, controversial side

00:12:15to the suit identity,

00:12:16which plants it at the center of a culture war

00:12:18that's been quietly raging for decades.

00:12:21My last three boyfriends were Wall Street guys.

00:12:24Bastards.

00:12:25So I've had never again to date a guy who wears suits.

00:12:29And in the years since the end of How I Met Your Mother

00:12:31and the simultaneously airing Mad Men,

00:12:34the suit's traditional connotations of strength and status

00:12:37have increasingly faded,

00:12:38giving way to new wardrobes of power.

00:12:41Here's our take on why, when it comes to Barney Stinson,

00:12:44the suit truly makes the man,

00:12:46and what kind of man lies underneath it.

00:12:48Wait, those are your pajamas?

00:12:52You sleep in a pajama suit?

00:12:53Of course.

00:12:55What do you think I sleep in?

00:13:02Shall I walk you through the history?

00:13:04I'm going to explicitly say no.

00:13:06Barney comes into his friends' lives fully formed,

00:13:08impeccably suited up,

00:13:10and preaching the gospel of doing likewise.

00:13:12Get a suit.

00:13:13Suits are cool.

00:13:14Exhibit A.

00:13:15But he was once a tie-dye-wearing hippie,

00:13:17with dreams of making the world better.

00:13:19Joining the Peace Corps with you is going to be legendary.

00:13:22I know.

00:13:23Only five short weeks till we're down in Nicaragua.

00:13:26Who viewed suit types with disdain.

00:13:29Ha, suits.

00:13:30Barney only became the materialistic ladies' man we know

00:13:33when a businessman stole his girlfriend

00:13:35after giving him some harsh words of advice.

00:13:37Forget all that touchy-feely crap.

00:13:39You get money, you get laid.

00:13:40End of discussion.

00:13:41It was then that Barney reinvented himself,

00:13:44beginning with suiting up in the uniform of the man who bested him

00:13:48in a sequence that channels the feeling of a warrior

00:13:50getting ready for battle.

00:14:01To understand why the suit holds such totemic power for Barney,

00:14:05we have to look back to the early 19th century

00:14:08and a British dandy named Beau Brummel.

00:14:11Brummel was a London socialite who rejected the ornate powdered wigs

00:14:15and stockings favored by noblemen,

00:14:17dressing instead in more streamlined tailored coats,

00:14:20full-length pants, crisply pressed shirts,

00:14:23and knotted cravats.

00:14:24Brummel, who said he spent five hours a day getting dressed

00:14:27and polished his boots with champagne,

00:14:30inspired the rest of the upper crust

00:14:32to adopt his fashion and his attitudes

00:14:34toward appearance and hygiene.

00:14:36Broadly speaking, the man's suit has continued

00:14:38to connote wealth and status ever since.

00:14:41Diamond suited up.

00:14:44By the 1940s, though,

00:14:45suits could be produced in a quick generic fashion,

00:14:48leading to the first era in which suits were worn

00:14:50by virtually every man.

00:14:52The muted colors and standardized design

00:14:54of the gray flannel suit reflected a society

00:14:57that sought order and stability

00:14:59after decades of war and depression.

00:15:01All I want's a good job,

00:15:04a mild future,

00:15:05a little house big enough for me and my wife.

00:15:07It was a uniform that proclaimed your willingness

00:15:09to fit in and play your part as a cog in the machine

00:15:12rather than pursue an individual identity.

00:15:15But I don't know anything about public relations.

00:15:17Who does?

00:15:19You got a clean shirt,

00:15:20you bathe every day,

00:15:21and that's all there's to it.

00:15:22Barney also implicitly links himself

00:15:24to the world of the 40s and 50s.

00:15:27Thanks, doll.

00:15:27He has a fondness for old-fashioned,

00:15:30patriarchal ideals of living

00:15:31that allows him to thrive

00:15:33in a hyper-masculine business world

00:15:35where conforming to macho social norms

00:15:37is key to getting ahead.

00:15:39Nice tie, steak sauce.

00:15:40Oh, steak sauce.

00:15:42Where? I don't see...

00:15:43Marshall, sidebar.

00:15:45Your tie is steak sauce.

00:15:46It means A1, A1, get it?

00:15:49In Barney's professional world,

00:15:50success is still about assimilation into the machine.

00:15:53Conformity.

00:15:55It's the one who's different

00:15:56that gets left out in the cold.

00:15:58And standing out in the wrong way

00:16:00can be a fatal error.

00:16:01Hey, Erickson, when did you join ACDC?

00:16:05This focus on fitting in

00:16:07is underlined by the running joke

00:16:08that Barney won't reveal

00:16:10what his specific job actually is.

00:16:13What do you do?

00:16:14Please.

00:16:15Hey, so now that I'm working here,

00:16:17are you finally going to tell me

00:16:17exactly what your job is?

00:16:19Please.

00:16:19And in his often brutal corporate culture,

00:16:23What do you got there, Erickson?

00:16:24Mommy, pack your lunch?

00:16:25the suit is the armor he wears into daily battle.

00:16:29This is corporate America, Marshall.

00:16:31Screaming is a motivational tool,

00:16:33like Christmas bonuses or sexual harassment.

00:16:35Much of the groundwork for Barney

00:16:36and his fellow business bros' attitude

00:16:38was laid in the 1980s

00:16:40with the rise of the power suit.

00:16:43Green, for lack of a better word,

00:16:46is good.

00:16:47Characters like Wall Street's Gordon Gekko

00:16:49represented a generation of suit-wearing men

00:16:52who'd turned the pursuit of money into a religion.

00:16:55I create nothing.

00:16:57I own.

00:16:59We make the rules, pal.

00:17:01Making no apologies for treating the world

00:17:03as something to be conquered.

00:17:05Whoever has the most when he dies wins.

00:17:08Look, it's the American way.

00:17:10Their suits advertised their zealous embrace

00:17:13of work, greed, and capitalism

00:17:15as a 24-hour way of life.

00:17:17This is your game.

00:17:21Winner takes all.

00:17:22Barney's own philosophy may be relatively less cutthroat,

00:17:26yet he's no less competitive,

00:17:28whether it comes to laser tag

00:17:29or taking on wacky challenges.

00:17:34If you did everything on that list,

00:17:36you would die.

00:17:37That wasn't a challenge.

00:17:38He approaches every woman he pursues

00:17:41like a hostile takeover.

00:17:42And like Gordon Gekko,

00:17:44he's completely shameless about getting

00:17:46exactly what he wants.

00:17:48In my body, where the shame gland should be,

00:17:51there's a second awesome gland.

00:17:53While Barney takes obvious comfort

00:17:55in surrendering his individualism

00:17:57in pursuit of status,

00:17:58his friends Ted and Marshall,

00:18:00like many people who have been forced

00:18:02to wear a suit for work,

00:18:03associate it with servitude.

00:18:05You are sad.

00:18:07You are beaten down.

00:18:09Barney's friends represent the other side

00:18:11of a debate that's raged

00:18:12ever since the suit became

00:18:14THE workplace uniform.

00:18:16Should we find our place in the machine

00:18:17and reap the rewards,

00:18:19or rage against it

00:18:20and carve out our own path?

00:18:22Now, I suppose you could learn

00:18:23to love yourself

00:18:24with a unique little snowflake that you are,

00:18:26or you could change your entire personality,

00:18:28which is just so much easier.

00:18:29Suits are full of joy.

00:18:37They're the sartorial equivalent

00:18:39of a baby smile.

00:18:40While Barney subscribes to suits

00:18:41as a projection of success and happiness,

00:18:44they're also about protection

00:18:45and camouflage,

00:18:47an outer layer that covers up

00:18:49emotional damage inside.

00:18:51Give them some spiel

00:18:51about your deep-seated insecurities,

00:18:53which don't really exist

00:18:53because, let's face it,

00:18:54you're awesome.

00:18:55The last time he allowed himself

00:18:56to be vulnerable,

00:18:57Barney got so wounded

00:18:58that he adopted a whole new identity

00:19:00designed to make him invincible,

00:19:03Darth Vader style.

00:19:04He embraces superficiality

00:19:06because if he doesn't have deeper feelings,

00:19:08nobody can hurt them.

00:19:10When I get sad,

00:19:10I stop being sad

00:19:11and be awesome instead.

00:19:13We've seen this idea of the suit

00:19:15as a kind of disguise

00:19:16throughout pop culture.

00:19:18I need a new suit.

00:19:20Yeah, three buttons is

00:19:21a little 90s, Mr. Wayne.

00:19:22I'm not talking fashion,

00:19:24Mr. Fox, so much is functioning.

00:19:25Like Barney,

00:19:27Mad Men's Don Draper

00:19:28is introduced as a self-assured

00:19:29ladies' man who knows

00:19:31exactly what he wants

00:19:32and he usually gets it.

00:19:33By golly,

00:19:34you are an indecently lucky man.

00:19:37However, we soon learn

00:19:38that it's all a lie.

00:19:39Don has assumed

00:19:40someone else's identity

00:19:42and he uses his crisp suits,

00:19:44good looks,

00:19:45and knack for crafting ad copy

00:19:46to sell a false idea of himself.

00:19:49Of course, someone like you,

00:19:50you don't need to see yourself

00:19:52in a Cadillac,

00:19:52you're walking about in one every day.

00:19:54Yet despite dressing the part

00:19:56well enough to fool everyone else,

00:19:57he never succeeds at feeling

00:19:59like that man inside.

00:20:01I took another man's name

00:20:03and made nothing of it.

00:20:10American Psycho's Patrick Bateman

00:20:12has sculpted himself

00:20:13into the image of 80s success,

00:20:16a well-groomed yuppie

00:20:17who boasts the cool,

00:20:18ruthless confidence

00:20:19and ability to blend in

00:20:21that is so valued

00:20:22in the business world.

00:20:23I hate that job anyway.

00:20:25See why you just don't quit?

00:20:27Because I want to fit in.

00:20:31But Bateman, in fact,

00:20:33leads a deeply insecure,

00:20:34skin-deep existence

00:20:35where principles are replaced

00:20:37by choosing the right brands

00:20:38and someone else having

00:20:40a better business card

00:20:41can send him spiraling

00:20:42into an existential crisis.

00:20:44Look at that subtle

00:20:45off-white coloring.

00:20:47The tasteful thickness of it.

00:20:49Oh my god.

00:20:51It even has a watermark.

00:20:52His society's lack of regard

00:20:54for individualism

00:20:55has made him lose

00:20:56all sense of who he is.

00:20:58Alan has mistaken me

00:21:00for this dickhead,

00:21:00Marcus Halberstram.

00:21:02It seems logical

00:21:02because Marcus also works at PNP

00:21:04and in fact does the same

00:21:05exact thing I do.

00:21:07Marcus and I even

00:21:07go to the same barber.

00:21:08And driven insane,

00:21:10Bateman resorts to

00:21:11killing people

00:21:12in a desperate bid

00:21:13to somehow regain

00:21:14a sense of identity

00:21:15or even the feeling

00:21:17that he exists.

00:21:18There is an idea

00:21:19of a Patrick Bateman.

00:21:21Some kind of abstraction.

00:21:24But there is no real me.

00:21:26I simply am not there.

00:21:29Barney does not have

00:21:30Patrick Bateman's

00:21:31amoral detachment,

00:21:32although he does share

00:21:34his love of pop music.

00:21:35And not even the good

00:21:36Backstreet Boys,

00:21:37the older, lame dance move

00:21:38comeback tour Backstreet Boys.

00:21:40The good Backstreet Boys?

00:21:41And his reliance

00:21:42on consumption

00:21:43to fill a void.

00:21:44I want to feel better, Marshall.

00:21:46I can't keep buying things.

00:21:48And while Barney's backstory

00:21:50is perhaps not as tragic

00:21:51as Don Draper's,

00:21:52the more we learn

00:21:53about his troubled past,

00:21:54the more we see

00:21:55how his reinvention

00:21:56was born of a similar desire

00:21:58to bury his true self

00:21:59beneath a perfectly cut Armani.

00:22:02You were abandoned,

00:22:02you never dealt with it,

00:22:03and so now you never allow

00:22:05yourself to feel anything,

00:22:06and that's how you survive

00:22:07in this corporate world.

00:22:08At times in the series,

00:22:10we witness Barney grow

00:22:11as a person,

00:22:12as he periodically

00:22:13lets himself be vulnerable

00:22:14and opens up

00:22:15to serious connections.

00:22:16I'm searching.

00:22:19Searching for what

00:22:19I really want in life,

00:22:21and you know what?

00:22:22I have absolutely

00:22:23no idea what that is.

00:22:25Metaphorically de-suiting,

00:22:27if you will.

00:22:27It's weird not seeing you

00:22:28in a suit.

00:22:29What's going on?

00:22:30My entire sexual history

00:22:31was built on a rotting

00:22:33foundation of lies.

00:22:34Whole identity is lost

00:22:35in a pit of menthol ashes.

00:22:37In Robin,

00:22:38the dude-like cool girl

00:22:39who seems the perfect match

00:22:41to his classic bro personality,

00:22:43To my femininity.

00:22:44No, you're more of a bro.

00:22:47You're a dude.

00:22:48You're a man.

00:22:49He thinks for a while

00:22:50that he's met the exception

00:22:51who can actually make him

00:22:53change his ways.

00:22:54The emotional stuff?

00:22:56It's not your thing.

00:22:57I thought I'd save you the trouble.

00:22:59Maybe I don't want to be

00:23:00saved the trouble.

00:23:01Yet sooner or later,

00:23:02he inevitably backtracks.

00:23:03I know there was a time

00:23:04when it seemed like

00:23:05I was capable of going

00:23:06the distance,

00:23:07but if it wasn't going

00:23:09to happen with Robin,

00:23:11then it's just not going

00:23:12to happen with anyone.

00:23:13And closes up again

00:23:14behind his shallow suit identity.

00:23:17I found out I'll never

00:23:18trust someone enough

00:23:18to get married.

00:23:19My single life is

00:23:21and always will be

00:23:23legend.

00:23:25Wait for it.

00:23:30Handcrafted by

00:23:31Pietro Della Camara,

00:23:33Milan's famous 101-year-old tailor

00:23:37who, upon completing

00:23:38the very last stitch

00:23:39in this suit,

00:23:40dropped dead.

00:23:41Despite the traumatic

00:23:42backstories that created

00:23:43both Barney Stinson's

00:23:45and Don Draper's

00:23:46trademark styles,

00:23:47the popularity of both

00:23:49their shows helped

00:23:50to usher in a resurgence

00:23:51of the suit

00:23:52as a symbol

00:23:53of masculine glamour.

00:23:55Nothing sexier

00:23:55than a man

00:23:56in a fine cravat.

00:23:57During the late 2000s

00:23:59and early 2010s,

00:24:00brands like J.Crew

00:24:01flourished by providing

00:24:03men with affordable,

00:24:04approachable suits,

00:24:05while Banana Republic

00:24:06even debuted

00:24:07a Mad Men-inspired

00:24:09menswear collection.

00:24:10We're basically

00:24:11Mad Men.

00:24:12We are!

00:24:13We're such Mad Men!

00:24:15Meanwhile,

00:24:15Barney became such an icon

00:24:17that the Oxford English

00:24:18Dictionary recognized him

00:24:20as the quintessence

00:24:21of a certain iteration

00:24:22of the contemporary bro.

00:24:24Oh yeah,

00:24:25you just know

00:24:26she likes it dirty.

00:24:27However,

00:24:28as billionaire tech moguls

00:24:29like Mark Zuckerberg,

00:24:30Jack Dorsey,

00:24:31and Elon Musk

00:24:32became the new icons of power,

00:24:34they also created

00:24:35a new image of success.

00:24:37These guys were so important,

00:24:39they didn't need

00:24:40to dress like it.

00:24:41My colleagues and I

00:24:41are doing things

00:24:42that no one in this room,

00:24:43including and especially

00:24:44your clients,

00:24:45are intellectually

00:24:45or creatively capable of doing.

00:24:47They could run the world

00:24:48in a t-shirt and hoodie

00:24:49or even a bathrobe.

00:24:50I think we were going to

00:24:51let you parade around

00:24:52in your ridiculous suits

00:24:53pretending you were running

00:24:53The suit can even now

00:24:58project the opposite

00:24:59of its previous connotations.

00:25:01As Vox pointed out in 2019,

00:25:03the suit has become a uniform

00:25:05for the powerless,

00:25:06increasingly worn by people

00:25:08at a disadvantage,

00:25:09like when they're applying

00:25:10for a job

00:25:11or appearing in court.

00:25:12Even old school firms

00:25:14like Goldman Sachs

00:25:15and J.P. Morgan,

00:25:16once emblematic of everything

00:25:18the suit stood for,

00:25:19have shifted to more

00:25:20casual dress codes.

00:25:21And as the COVID-19 pandemic

00:25:23set in and more people

00:25:24began working from home,

00:25:26the clothing companies

00:25:27that rode the Mad Men wave

00:25:28have found themselves

00:25:29struggling to survive.

00:25:31Men, in short,

00:25:32are no longer suiting up.

00:25:34Making a point

00:25:34dressing like that?

00:25:36So you dress for me?

00:25:38By the time

00:25:39How I Met Your Mother

00:25:40ended in 2014,

00:25:41there were already

00:25:42a few other things

00:25:43about Barney

00:25:44that were beginning

00:25:45to seem a tad out of step

00:25:47with the times.

00:25:48Sexual harassment charges,

00:25:49nine for nine.

00:25:50His treatment of women.

00:25:52I'm pretty sure

00:25:53I sold a woman.

00:25:54I didn't speak the language,

00:25:56but I shook a guy's hand,

00:25:58he gave me the keys

00:25:59to a Mercedes

00:25:59and I left her there.

00:26:00His elitism.

00:26:01Barney, can you grab me

00:26:02a screwdriver?

00:26:03Sure thing.

00:26:04Louise, Barney Stinson, 12H.

00:26:06I got a hundred bucks

00:26:06if you can be here in five.

00:26:07Thanks.

00:26:08His casual racism.

00:26:09Hey, so you know

00:26:10how I've always had a thing

00:26:11for half-Asian girls?

00:26:13Well, now I've got

00:26:14a new favorite.

00:26:16Lebanese girls.

00:26:17Today, his increasingly

00:26:18regressive-feeling,

00:26:20misogynistic,

00:26:21and materialistic attitudes

00:26:22hardly make him appear

00:26:24the role model

00:26:24that the majority

00:26:25of modern men want

00:26:26to ape

00:26:27in their wardrobes

00:26:28or otherwise.

00:26:29I drink every day,

00:26:31I sleep three hours

00:26:32every night,

00:26:32and I have multiple

00:26:33sex partners.

00:26:34I'm doing everything right.

00:26:35Meanwhile,

00:26:36the 80s greed-is-good

00:26:37philosophy Barney's suit

00:26:39evokes is at the root

00:26:40of much of today's

00:26:41crippling wealth inequality.

00:26:43The richest 1% of this country

00:26:45owns half our country's wealth.

00:26:47And as the world has fallen

00:26:49into cycles of global

00:26:50economic crisis,

00:26:51movies like The Big Short,

00:26:53The Wolf of Wall Street,

00:26:54and Hustlers have placed

00:26:55blame squarely on the suits.

00:26:57Those spawn of Gordon Gekko

00:26:59who exist only to rig the game

00:27:01in their favor.

00:27:02You see what they did

00:27:03to this country?

00:27:04They stole from everybody.

00:27:06Jokes about a sharply-dressed rogue

00:27:08doing whatever it takes

00:27:09to make a buck

00:27:10no longer play as lovable

00:27:11or charming.

00:27:12Our company just bought them out

00:27:14in a ruthless takeover.

00:27:15Took two months.

00:27:17Cost 2,000 jobs.

00:27:19It was brutal.

00:27:21Who wants a t-shirt?

00:27:22These days,

00:27:23suits are symbols

00:27:24of a generation of men

00:27:25whose selfishness and vanity

00:27:26have caused more harm

00:27:28than good.

00:27:29CEOs,

00:27:30CFOs,

00:27:31investment bankers,

00:27:32corporate raiders,

00:27:34hedge funders,

00:27:35axe murderers,

00:27:36coming straight from the crime

00:27:37scene into the club.

00:27:38The suit,

00:27:39as an indicator of

00:27:40backward attitudes,

00:27:41has even been taken

00:27:42to nasty extremes

00:27:44by a group of neo-fascists

00:27:46and white nationalists

00:27:47who have suited up

00:27:48as a way of asserting

00:27:49alpha male dominance

00:27:50and adding a protective

00:27:52veneer of legitimacy

00:27:53to some truly abhorrent beliefs.

00:27:56Like all things fashion-related,

00:27:58the suit has gone in and out of style

00:28:00and probably will continue

00:28:01to do so in years to come.

00:28:03In Don Draper's 60s,

00:28:04it was caught in the middle

00:28:05of a culture war

00:28:06between old-school family values

00:28:08and edgy bohemian ideals.

00:28:10This symbol of hard work

00:28:11and success to some,

00:28:13becoming the thumbprint

00:28:14of the man to others.

00:28:16You know what it's like

00:28:16to watch all you ants

00:28:18go into your hive?

00:28:19My God.

00:28:20Stop talking.

00:28:23Make something of yourself.

00:28:25And despite all the ways

00:28:26American culture has morphed

00:28:28and mutated since then,

00:28:29the accusation made by the beatniks

00:28:31has essentially stuck.

00:28:33To be a suit today

00:28:34is widely seen as having

00:28:35given up on your sense of self

00:28:37to serve a broken system.

00:28:39It's something you are

00:28:40if you haven't bothered

00:28:41to preserve any integrity

00:28:42or soul that makes you

00:28:43more than a walking clothes hanger.

00:28:45Because that's who

00:28:46corporate America wants.

00:28:47People who seem like

00:28:48bold risk-takers

00:28:49but never actually do anything.

00:28:52For better or worse,

00:28:53Barney Stinson personifies

00:28:55the suit identity.

00:28:56He's an appearance-obsessed man's man

00:28:58who's built his life

00:28:59around the material trappings

00:29:01of success.

00:29:02What do I have?

00:29:04My whole life,

00:29:05some money in the bank,

00:29:06some suits in my closet,

00:29:07and a string of one-night stands.

00:29:10And doesn't see anything

00:29:11wrong with that.

00:29:12My life rocks!

00:29:14Money, suits, and sex?

00:29:15These are tears of joy!

00:29:16So ultimately,

00:29:18looking back on Barney Stinson today

00:29:19is a lot like looking at

00:29:21the suit itself.

00:29:22It's undeniably stylish

00:29:24and appealing,

00:29:25but also outdated

00:29:26in many situations,

00:29:28often used to lend

00:29:29the appearance of sophistication

00:29:31to something awful

00:29:32and ultimately rooted

00:29:34in a set of values

00:29:35that are mostly best left

00:29:37in the past.

00:29:38At this point,

00:29:39it's no secret

00:29:40that How I Met Your Mother's

00:29:41Ted Mosby

00:29:42has a pretty delusional

00:29:43outlook on life.

00:29:44He's the definition

00:29:45of a toxic nice guy

00:29:46and also not a great friend.

00:29:48But what is it specifically

00:29:50about his way of looking

00:29:51at the world

00:29:51and the people in it

00:29:53that was so wrong?

00:29:54And what can we learn from it,

00:29:56even if he didn't?

00:29:57Let's take a closer look

00:29:59at what Ted got wrong

00:30:00about life, love,

00:30:01and finding happiness.

00:30:02Ted had pretty intense

00:30:04main character syndrome.

00:30:05In his mind,

00:30:06everyone else on Earth

00:30:07was only there

00:30:08in service of his story.

00:30:10The show itself

00:30:11adds to this mindset

00:30:12since it is literally framed

00:30:14as him telling

00:30:14a very, very, very long story

00:30:17about himself

00:30:18where everyone else

00:30:19just features as side characters.

00:30:20Kids, never underestimate

00:30:22the power of destiny

00:30:23because when you least expect it,

00:30:25the limitless thing

00:30:26can cause a ripple effect

00:30:27that changes your life.

00:30:28Because of this mindset,

00:30:30he feels that everyone around him

00:30:31should bend to his will.

00:30:33While he doesn't have

00:30:34to be a great friend,

00:30:35he expects his friends

00:30:36to constantly be there

00:30:37to support him,

00:30:38to help heal his bruised ego,

00:30:40to go along with his wacky schemes,

00:30:42to derail their own lives

00:30:44in service of helping him with his.

00:30:46I'm jeopardizing my law career

00:30:48so you can throw

00:30:48not one, not two,

00:30:51but three parties

00:30:52for some girl

00:30:52that you just met

00:30:53who's probably not even

00:30:54going to show up!

00:30:55Even his family isn't immune.

00:30:57He throws a tantrum

00:30:58and refuses to give

00:30:58his planned speech

00:30:59at his own mother's wedding

00:31:01just because he's upset

00:31:02that she's getting married

00:31:03for a second time

00:31:04before he's even been able

00:31:06to do it once.

00:31:07I have to leave.

00:31:08Wait, Ted,

00:31:09what about your toast?

00:31:10Make up some emergency

00:31:11or something.

00:31:11I just, I can't handle this.

00:31:13Ted, Ted, where are you going?

00:31:14It's your mother's wedding!

00:31:15He believes that the entire world

00:31:17should revolve around him

00:31:18and his problems

00:31:19and that he shouldn't actually

00:31:20have to do anything to fix them

00:31:22but that instead

00:31:23the universe itself

00:31:25should just intervene

00:31:26and give him what he wants

00:31:27whenever he wants it.

00:31:28And most of the time

00:31:29that thing he wants

00:31:30is a woman he can't have.

00:31:31It's like,

00:31:32okay, I'm ready.

00:31:34Where is she?

00:31:35While he fashions himself

00:31:36as a hopeless romantic,

00:31:37he really only sees women

00:31:39as objects for him to acquire.

00:31:41More like a big game hunter

00:31:42than someone really looking for love.

00:31:44He is not at all interested

00:31:46in these women

00:31:46as their own individual beings

00:31:48but instead just as more side characters

00:31:50to slot into his story

00:31:52whether she likes it or not.

00:31:54This is gonna happen.

00:31:55She can't say it's not meant to be.

00:31:57It is meant to be.

00:31:58And you know why?

00:31:59Because I mean it to be.

00:32:00He likes the chase,

00:32:02hunting down some woman

00:32:03who isn't into him

00:32:04and bothering her

00:32:04until she changes her mind

00:32:06more than he actually cares

00:32:07about finding love

00:32:08or even being in an actual relationship.

00:32:11See, for all your big talk

00:32:12about being ready for a relationship,

00:32:14deep down you're single.

00:32:16It's your default setting.

00:32:17He's obsessed with whatever

00:32:19and whoever he can't have

00:32:20and will go to some pretty concerning

00:32:22and controlling lengths

00:32:24to get what he wants.

00:32:25And now a very single

00:32:27and available Maggie Wilkes

00:32:28is on her way to this very spot.

00:32:30I sent a cab with a female driver

00:32:33so she'd have no other interaction

00:32:34with a man until she got to me.

00:32:35But once the chase is over

00:32:37and he gets what he wants,

00:32:38that doesn't make him happy either.

00:32:40He gets bored quickly

00:32:41and is on to the next chase.

00:32:4324 hours ago,

00:32:44you were begging me

00:32:46to bring some other girl

00:32:47to my wedding

00:32:48and now you're over her?

00:32:50I've moved on.

00:32:51A major problem

00:32:52that stems from Ted's

00:32:53main character syndrome

00:32:54is his belief that nothing he does

00:32:57can really be that bad

00:32:58because he sees himself

00:32:59as a nice, good person.

00:33:01You apologized, didn't you?

00:33:03Oh, yeah.

00:33:04I'm sorry were the first words

00:33:05out of my mouth.

00:33:06I'm sorry, but I'm not apologizing.

00:33:09He thinks all of his misdeeds,

00:33:10no matter how bad,

00:33:11are totally justified

00:33:12because they're things

00:33:13he wanted to do

00:33:14and he's a good person

00:33:16so they must be good choices.

00:33:18What the hell is wrong with you, dude?

00:33:20I don't know, I lose things.

00:33:22You kissed a married woman, Ted.

00:33:24You committed credit card fraud.

00:33:26This mindset allows him

00:33:28to brush off other people's choices

00:33:29anytime any of his poor choices hurt them.

00:33:32If they don't see

00:33:33how he's actually good and right,

00:33:35they just don't get it.

00:33:37And if they're a woman,

00:33:38they're probably crazy, of course.

00:33:40It's my birthday

00:33:41and you're telling me

00:33:42I'm not the one for you?

00:33:44It's really not such a big deal.

00:33:45I mean, it's the odds.

00:33:47It's like you lost the lottery.

00:33:49Oh, so dating you

00:33:49is like winning the lottery?

00:33:51Though, of course,

00:33:51if someone hurts him at all,

00:33:53no one will ever hear the end of it.

00:33:55Because as far as Ted's concerned,

00:33:56while his bad choices

00:33:57are just little oopsies

00:33:59on his way to his happily ever after,

00:34:01everyone else's mistakes

00:34:02are proof of their innate failings

00:34:04as human beings.

00:34:05His selfish nature leads him

00:34:06to having this kind of black and white thinking

00:34:08about everything.

00:34:09What Ted wants to do is always good,

00:34:11and anything that goes against

00:34:13what Ted wants is always bad.

00:34:15And when you love someone,

00:34:16you just, you,

00:34:16you don't stop.

00:34:18Ever.

00:34:19Even when people roll their eyes

00:34:20or call you crazy,

00:34:21even then,

00:34:22especially then.

00:34:22When he hurts other people,

00:34:24he doesn't get why everyone

00:34:25gets so worked up about it.

00:34:27Because, hey,

00:34:27he's just a sweet little guy

00:34:28looking for love.

00:34:29You lied and said

00:34:30you were broken up with Victoria

00:34:31before you actually were

00:34:32so you could try to nail Robin

00:34:33and you wound up losing

00:34:34both girls in one night?

00:34:35And he also uses this line of thinking

00:34:37to justify his creepier behavior, too.

00:34:39Like when,

00:34:40after not getting matched with anyone

00:34:42in a matchmaking service,

00:34:43can't imagine why,

00:34:44he sneaks into the office,

00:34:46steals the file of the only woman

00:34:48who did remotely match with him,

00:34:50and then learns everything she likes

00:34:52so he can stalk her

00:34:53and con her

00:34:54into falling in love with him

00:34:55by pretending to be her ideal guy,

00:34:57even though she's already engaged

00:35:00to someone else.

00:35:01And this also highlights

00:35:02another issue that arises

00:35:03from his self-centered thinking.

00:35:05While he consistently freaks out

00:35:07if a woman he's even slightly interested in

00:35:09doesn't immediately commit herself

00:35:11wholly and forever to him

00:35:12from the second they meet,

00:35:14he doesn't actually respect relationships

00:35:16at all.

00:35:17He treats the woman he dates like garbage,

00:35:19and he also sees any other relationship

00:35:21as fair game to break up

00:35:23if he thinks the woman in it

00:35:24might possibly be the one for him.

00:35:26Because Ted sees himself

00:35:28as the center of the story of the universe,

00:35:30that also means that he thinks

00:35:32that he knows what's best

00:35:33for everyone else, too.

00:35:35He thinks that he really knows

00:35:36the way that things should be,

00:35:38and if everyone would just listen to him,

00:35:40all of the problems of the world

00:35:41would be solved.

00:35:42He can't comprehend

00:35:43when someone goes off narrative

00:35:45and does something that's out of line

00:35:47with how he thinks they should behave.

00:35:48That is, the way that would be

00:35:49most advantageous to him.

00:35:51What could she mean

00:35:53when she says no?

00:35:55I don't know.

00:35:56It is totally cryptic.

00:35:58This is far from over.

00:36:00Take the engaged woman

00:36:01whose life he tried to ruin

00:36:02because he was convinced

00:36:03she was the one for a whole week

00:36:05before he moved on to someone else.

00:36:07His proposition to her

00:36:08was that she couldn't possibly

00:36:09really be in love with a guy

00:36:11that she had only known

00:36:12for a few months

00:36:13because, really,

00:36:14she should be in love with him,

00:36:16a guy she literally just met

00:36:17and who is, again,

00:36:19stalking her

00:36:19and lying to her about who he is.

00:36:21Don't you think you're being

00:36:22a little impulsive

00:36:22marrying a guy

00:36:23you just met a few months ago?

00:36:24Don't you think it's a little impulsive

00:36:26for you to proposition

00:36:27an engaged woman

00:36:28you don't even know?

00:36:29See, we're both impulsive.

00:36:32We're perfect for each other.

00:36:33Ted's grand romantic delusions

00:36:35about love lead him to believe

00:36:37that it should be instant,

00:36:38an immediate spark

00:36:39that ignites a love

00:36:40that burns forever

00:36:41and never dies out.

00:36:43It was like something

00:36:43from an old movie

00:36:44where the sailor sees the girl

00:36:46across the crowded dance floor,

00:36:48turns to his buddy

00:36:49and says,

00:36:50see that girl?

00:36:51I'm gonna marry her someday.

00:36:53This leads to him

00:36:53constantly love-bombing

00:36:55the women he's interested in,

00:36:56desperately trying to rush

00:36:57the relationship past

00:36:58the getting-to-know-each-other steps

00:37:00and directly into

00:37:01the committed-for-life stage.

00:37:03Look, obviously,

00:37:04you can't tell a woman

00:37:05you just met you love her,

00:37:07but it sucks that you can't.

00:37:09But unfortunately for Ted,

00:37:10the women he dates

00:37:11aren't the unquestioning,

00:37:13uncomplicated cardboard cutouts

00:37:15of his dreams,

00:37:16but instead real women

00:37:17with thoughts and feelings

00:37:19of their own.

00:37:20The second he's confronted

00:37:21with his partner

00:37:21actually being a full human being,

00:37:23he becomes disappointed

00:37:24and starts losing interest.

00:37:26Yeah, you gotta go.

00:37:28While he always lamented

00:37:29that he wanted a deep, caring love,

00:37:31he was also always chasing

00:37:32relationships that didn't work,

00:37:34because deep down,

00:37:35he believes that real love

00:37:36means hardship and pain.

00:37:38If you're looking for the word,

00:37:39that means caring about someone

00:37:41beyond all rationality

00:37:42and wanting them to have

00:37:43everything they want,

00:37:44no matter how much it destroys you,

00:37:45it's love.

00:37:46He simultaneously believes

00:37:47that love should be instant

00:37:48and unquestionable,

00:37:50but also something

00:37:50that you're constantly

00:37:51having to struggle through.

00:37:53This is a big part

00:37:54of why he's never happy.

00:37:55When he's out of a relationship,

00:37:56he's lonely and obsessive.

00:37:57When he's in a relationship,

00:37:59either he's bored and runs,

00:38:00or feels the need

00:38:01to cause problems

00:38:02so that he can feel something.

00:38:04He spends years

00:38:05in an on-off relationship

00:38:06with Robin,

00:38:07constantly upset

00:38:08that she isn't ready

00:38:09to commit as quickly

00:38:10or intensely as he wants to,

00:38:12even though she was very clear

00:38:14up front about what kind

00:38:15of relationship she was looking for.

00:38:16It's a great look,

00:38:18but you're looking at

00:38:19the wrong girl.

00:38:20No, I'm not.

00:38:20Yes, you are.

00:38:21But Ted doesn't see this

00:38:22as an obvious sign

00:38:23that they're incompatible

00:38:24and want different things.

00:38:26He sees it as a challenge.

00:38:28He just keeps pushing

00:38:28past her boundaries

00:38:29until he wears her down,

00:38:30and then counts that as a win,

00:38:32and somehow love.

00:38:34They continue to not work out

00:38:35because he can't handle

00:38:36that this object of his obsession

00:38:38won't just mold herself

00:38:40into who he wants her to be.

00:38:41I need an answer.

00:38:44If you want me to say yes right now,

00:38:47I can't do that.

00:38:49Well, if it's not yes,

00:38:50then it's a no.

00:38:52She doesn't want his ideal future

00:38:53of settling down

00:38:54and having kids.

00:38:55She wants to excel at her job

00:38:57and travel the world.

00:38:58When she won't give up

00:38:59all of her dreams

00:38:59to give him what he wants,

00:39:01he breaks up with her.

00:39:02And in the end,

00:39:03the show seems to agree with Ted

00:39:05that she should have just

00:39:06changed her life

00:39:06to do what Ted wanted.

00:39:08She ends up miserable and alone,

00:39:10all because she had the audacity

00:39:11to want to do her job

00:39:12that she enjoys.

00:39:13The gang is my ex-husband

00:39:15hitting on slutty cops

00:39:17right in front of me,

00:39:18and it's the guy

00:39:19I probably should have ended up with

00:39:22with the beautiful mother

00:39:23of his child.

00:39:24Usually over the course

00:39:25of the series,

00:39:26a main character has lots of time

00:39:27to learn from their mistakes

00:39:29and grow as a person,

00:39:30changing into a happier,

00:39:31better version

00:39:32of their younger self.

00:39:33But Ted doesn't really change

00:39:35or learn anything at all.

00:39:37Okay, it's official.

00:39:38Do bad things,

00:39:39good things happen.

00:39:40He does seem to be experiencing

00:39:41personal growth

00:39:42near the end of the show

00:39:43at first,

00:39:44as he meets and falls in love

00:39:45with the mother.

00:39:46But then at the very end,

00:39:47the show pulls the rug out

00:39:48from under everything,

00:39:49seemingly just to say,

00:39:50no, actually,

00:39:51being really weird about Robin

00:39:53forever was the right move,

00:39:54actually.

00:39:54You were right to begin with, buddy.

00:39:55This is a story about how

00:39:57you're totally in love

00:39:58with Aunt Robin.

00:39:59We've discussed at length

00:40:00why this ending didn't work at all,

00:40:02but the biggest issue

00:40:03is that it sends the message

00:40:04that never changing

00:40:05or taking anyone else

00:40:06into consideration

00:40:07is actually how you get

00:40:09the life you think you deserve.

00:40:10Not by growing as a person

00:40:11and working to build

00:40:12a better life

00:40:13with those close to you,

00:40:14but just by wearing down

00:40:15the world until it's forced

00:40:17to give you what you want.

00:40:18I just, just call her up

00:40:19on the phone

00:40:20and ask her out on a date.

00:40:22Yes!

00:40:23And that, that's something

00:40:26you guys would want?

00:40:26Yes!

00:40:27Ted's story was a great opportunity

00:40:29to unpack how his kind

00:40:31of one-track toxic thinking

00:40:32hurts not only you,

00:40:34but also those around you

00:40:35and how much better your life is

00:40:37once you're able to grow

00:40:38out of that mindset.

00:40:39Let her go.

00:40:40No, this is destiny.

00:40:41No, Ted, this is forcing it.

00:40:43But they had already recorded

00:40:44the finale reveal years earlier,

00:40:46and so we're just like,

00:40:47ah, well, who needs character growth?

00:40:49At the end of the day,

00:40:50How I Met Your Mother

00:40:51is a comedy show.

00:40:53The characters are going

00:40:53to be a bit ridiculous

00:40:54and over the top,

00:40:55and it isn't meant to be used

00:40:57as a guidebook

00:40:58on how to live our lives.

00:40:59But many people in real life

00:41:01do get trapped

00:41:01in some of Ted's

00:41:02more troubling mindsets,

00:41:03and they don't have

00:41:04a writer's room there

00:41:05to constantly bail them out

00:41:07and make sure

00:41:07they get their happy ending.

00:41:08So it's useful

00:41:09to look a bit more deeply

00:41:10at where Ted went wrong

00:41:12and how it actually kept him

00:41:13from getting the life

00:41:14he wanted for so long

00:41:16and left a wake

00:41:17of sad, hurt people

00:41:18behind him in the process.

00:41:20He's a great example

00:41:21of how not to look for love,

00:41:23no matter how bad you want it,

00:41:24and of the kind of person

00:41:26to not let yourself become

00:41:27or get trapped

00:41:29in a relationship with.

00:41:30Good night, psycho.

00:41:32Should dating rules

00:41:33ever be followed?

00:41:34How I Met Your Mother

00:41:35was full of a lot

00:41:36of dating rules,

00:41:37often voiced by Barney Stinson,

00:41:39who lived and preached

00:41:40The Bro Code,

00:41:41his infamous framework

00:41:42of do's and don'ts

00:41:43in all things related

00:41:44to women, dating,

00:41:45and hooking up.

00:41:46Of course,

00:41:46Barney's formula

00:41:47pursues a specific set

00:41:49of questionable goals

00:41:50money, suits, and sex

00:41:52without consideration

00:41:53of his impact

00:41:54on other people.

00:41:55But he fervently believes

00:41:56there are proven,

00:41:57almost scientific principles

00:41:59you have to respect

00:42:00if you want to succeed romantically.

00:42:01You never make plans

00:42:02with a girl

00:42:02further in the future

00:42:04than the amount of time

00:42:04you've been going out.

00:42:05And in this,

00:42:06he's far from alone.

00:42:07The show's focus on rules

00:42:09reflects that,

00:42:10for as long as people

00:42:10have dated,

00:42:11they've had to navigate

00:42:12a host of perceived laws

00:42:13about how to act,

00:42:14who's an acceptable match,

00:42:16and how a potential partner's

00:42:17behavior should be interpreted.

00:42:19If a guy doesn't call you,

00:42:20he doesn't want to call you.

00:42:22And while today,

00:42:22many of How I Met Your Mother's

00:42:24rules are cringe-worthy

00:42:25and dated,

00:42:26displaying a retrograde

00:42:27understanding of gender,

00:42:28they still get at

00:42:29a deeper, ongoing desire

00:42:30to codify dating

00:42:31and relationships

00:42:32into a clear set of laws.

00:42:34Maybe that's because

00:42:35making our romantic

00:42:35and sexual lives

00:42:36into safe, predictable ventures

00:42:38would take away

00:42:39a lot of the fear,

00:42:41anxiety, and guesswork

00:42:42that actually characterized

00:42:43the search for romance.

00:42:44Hey, what's up?

00:42:46Nothing.

00:42:47Am I dreaming?

00:42:49I'll leave you alone

00:42:50forever now.

00:42:51Thanks.

00:42:52So does How I Met Your Mother

00:42:53really believe it's necessary

00:42:55to follow the rules of dating?

00:42:57The show ultimately

00:42:58underlines that love

00:42:59can't be contained

00:43:00by any rules

00:43:01or rational constraints.

00:43:02This woman has a hold

00:43:04on my heart

00:43:04that I could not break

00:43:05if I wanted to.

00:43:06But at the same time,

00:43:07as much as Ted and the gang

00:43:09frequently dismiss Barney's rules

00:43:11and don't want to abide by them,

00:43:12I'm sick of all the rules!

00:43:14There's too many of them!

00:43:15in some plots,

00:43:16they do end up

00:43:17proving the rules right.

00:43:18How I Met Your Mother

00:43:19seems to understand

00:43:20the absurdity of dating rules

00:43:22in balance with people's

00:43:23urgent need to make

00:43:24and follow them.

00:43:25Here's our take

00:43:26on whether any of

00:43:27How I Met Your Mother's rules

00:43:28were onto anything

00:43:29and why real love

00:43:30demands throwing out

00:43:31the rulebook.

00:43:32As obnoxious as Barney's

00:43:40dating rules can be,

00:43:42the need to have

00:43:42some rules and structures

00:43:43in place around romance

00:43:45is universal.

00:43:46Since medieval chivalry,

00:43:47there have been largely

00:43:48agreed upon rituals

00:43:49and etiquette for courtship.

00:43:51In past eras,

00:43:52this revolved a lot

00:43:53around the social

00:43:53suitability of matches,

00:43:55as well as measures

00:43:56to prevent young couples

00:43:57from being sexually intimate

00:43:58before marriage,

00:43:59whether through physical means

00:44:00or supervised visits.

00:44:02He took her out

00:44:03buggy riding

00:44:04in the late afternoon

00:44:05without a chaperone

00:44:06and then he refused

00:44:08to marry her.

00:44:09In our modern

00:44:10post-sexual revolution era,

00:44:12where daters are less

00:44:13concerned with chastity

00:44:14and more with choice,

00:44:15the rules are a lot

00:44:16more psychological

00:44:17and up for debate.

00:44:19So it makes sense

00:44:19that deciphering

00:44:20nebulous dating expectations

00:44:22and trying to lay down

00:44:23romantic best practices

00:44:24is a common pastime

00:44:26in romantic comedies

00:44:27and sitcoms.

00:44:28Not dinner,

00:44:28not necessarily

00:44:29on the first date

00:44:30because halfway through dinner

00:44:31you could be really sorry

00:44:32you asked them to dinner,

00:44:33whereas if it's just a drink,

00:44:35if you like them,

00:44:36you can always ask them to dinner.

00:44:37The central premise

00:44:38of classic 1989 rom-com

00:44:40When Harry Met Sally

00:44:41is basically to question

00:44:43and eventually affirm

00:44:44a dating rule at its center.

00:44:46Men and women can't be friends

00:44:47because the sex part

00:44:48always gets in the way.

00:44:49And many beloved TV shows

00:44:51feature characters

00:44:52discussing rules

00:44:53in an attempt to determine

00:44:54the appropriate etiquette

00:44:56of a romantic scenario.

00:44:57If a couple breaks up

00:44:58and they had plans

00:44:58to go to a neutral place,

00:45:00who withdraws?

00:45:01What's the etiquette?

00:45:01Episodes of Sex and the City

00:45:03are often structured

00:45:04around the women

00:45:04debating or dissecting

00:45:06a particular dating rule

00:45:07or inquiry

00:45:08in the context

00:45:08of 1990s and 2000s Manhattan.

00:45:10Are we simply

00:45:11romantically challenged

00:45:12or are we sluts?

00:45:14Even if you look back

00:45:15to Shakespeare,

00:45:16As You Like It

00:45:17is centered on

00:45:18Rosalind's playful tests

00:45:19of Orlando's love for her

00:45:20through a series of evaluations

00:45:22and rules

00:45:22she secretly imposes on him.

00:45:24How I Met Your Mother's Rules

00:45:25feel undeniably dated today,

00:45:27but that's because

00:45:28they're a manifestation

00:45:29of this universal impulse

00:45:30reflecting their specific era.

00:45:33In the same month

00:45:33the show premiered in 2005,

00:45:35The Game,

00:45:36a memoir of Neil Strauss' time

00:45:37in the pickup artist community,

00:45:39became a bestseller

00:45:40by teaching men

00:45:41often sinister techniques

00:45:42for seducing women.

00:45:44The playbook contains

00:45:45every scam,

00:45:46con,

00:45:47hustle,

00:45:48hoodwink,

00:45:49gambit,

00:45:49flim-flam,

00:45:50stratagem,

00:45:51and bamboozle

00:45:52I've ever used.

00:45:53Barney is the embodiment

00:45:54of many of these

00:45:55shameless practices,

00:45:56including peacocking,

00:45:57where a man wears a loud,

00:45:59standout piece of clothing

00:46:00to call attention to himself,

00:46:02or the infamous negging,

00:46:03where a man insults a woman

00:46:05to damage her self-esteem

00:46:06and make her vulnerable

00:46:07to come-ons.

00:46:08Amazing eyes.

00:46:10You wearing color contacts.

00:46:11Negging?

00:46:12That's hilarious.

00:46:13Saying something negative

00:46:14to a pretty girl

00:46:15in order to undermine

00:46:16her social value.

00:46:17It's supposed to make you

00:46:17want to win his approval.

00:46:19While men were being taught

00:46:20how to trick women

00:46:21into sleeping with them,

00:46:23women in this era

00:46:24were being told

00:46:24to get wiser

00:46:25about reading the signs

00:46:26of men who were

00:46:27wasting their time.

00:46:28Released a decade

00:46:29before the game in 1995,

00:46:31The Rules,

00:46:31time-tested secrets

00:46:32for capturing

00:46:33the heart of Mr. Right,

00:46:34sold millions of copies

00:46:35by educating women

00:46:37on how to be withholding

00:46:38with men

00:46:38and play hard to get.

00:46:40I thought you were

00:46:40serious about this guy.

00:46:41You can't sleep with them

00:46:43on the first date.

00:46:43Oh, God.

00:46:44Here she goes again

00:46:45with The Rules.

00:46:462004 saw the self-help

00:46:48bestseller

00:46:48He's Just Not That Into You

00:46:50made into a 2009 film

00:46:51which urged women

00:46:52to stop making excuses

00:46:53for a man who acts

00:46:54non-committal

00:46:55and recognize

00:46:56that he's not interested.

00:46:58If a guy is treating you

00:46:59like he doesn't give a shit,

00:47:01he genuinely doesn't

00:47:02give a shit.

00:47:03Together,

00:47:04these male-oriented

00:47:05and female-oriented guys

00:47:07added up to a pretty

00:47:08hostile view of dating

00:47:09as essentially

00:47:10a battle of the sexes,

00:47:12where it's assumed

00:47:13all men want casual sex

00:47:14and women should deny

00:47:16that sex

00:47:16if they want to be respected

00:47:17or to hook a man.

00:47:19As Strauss admits in his book,

00:47:20a side effect of sarging

00:47:22or using these techniques

00:47:23to pick up women

00:47:24is that it can lower

00:47:25one's opinion

00:47:26of the opposite sex.

00:47:27While Stephen Poole

00:47:28wrote in a Guardian review

00:47:29at the time,

00:47:30and yet,

00:47:30as Strauss has described it,

00:47:32the inverse is true.

00:47:33A low opinion

00:47:34of the opposite sex

00:47:35is a prerequisite

00:47:35for sarging.

00:47:36But while much of our culture

00:47:38has thankfully moved on

00:47:39from this warlike

00:47:40mainstream dating narrative

00:47:41and books like

00:47:42The Rules and The Game

00:47:43are no longer

00:47:44in their peaks of popularity,

00:47:45dating rules are still

00:47:46very present

00:47:47and have shifted

00:47:48to fit the times.

00:47:49You're wearing glasses,

00:47:50it obstructs your eyes,

00:47:51which provide us

00:47:52with a very strong signal

00:47:53of whether or not

00:47:54you're trustworthy

00:47:54as an individual.

00:47:55Dating apps have arguably

00:47:57just created more rules

00:47:58and material to interpret,

00:48:00as one has to decipher

00:48:01whether a user

00:48:01is on a particular app

00:48:03for hookups

00:48:03or a serious relationship,

00:48:05who the real person

00:48:06is behind a profile,

00:48:07how to translate oneself

00:48:08into a witty,

00:48:09sexy profile,

00:48:10how long to message

00:48:11before a date,

00:48:12and how long to give a date

00:48:13before cutting your losses

00:48:14if there's no chemistry.

00:48:16A lemon law.

00:48:17From the moment

00:48:18the date begins,

00:48:18you have five minutes

00:48:19to decide whether

00:48:20you're going to commit

00:48:21to an entire evening.

00:48:22Some studies have shown

00:48:23that swipe-based dating apps

00:48:24can lower self-esteem

00:48:25or even increase

00:48:26depression and anxiety.

00:48:28More rules just makes

00:48:29dating feel like

00:48:30more of a minefield.

00:48:31So what's the point

00:48:32of all these rules anyways?

00:48:37It's no accident that,

00:48:39in a show that includes

00:48:40a lawyer in its cast

00:48:42and a lot of privileged people,

00:48:43How I Met Your Mother's Rules

00:48:44take on a legalistic tone.

00:48:46You do realize

00:48:47that one out of every

00:48:48eight adult women in America

00:48:50is a prostitute.

00:48:51You just made that up.

00:48:52Withdrawn.

00:48:52It's as if they're laws

00:48:54that can be used

00:48:54to protect guys like Barney

00:48:56and legitimize behaviors

00:48:57that are clearly creepy

00:48:58when they're not predatory.

00:49:00Since Barney's rules

00:49:01primarily apply

00:49:02to men dating women,

00:49:03they tend to spend

00:49:04a lot of time

00:49:05dissecting and evaluating women,

00:49:07inflating the male ego

00:49:08and abdicating responsibility

00:49:10for actions.

00:49:11The rules for girls

00:49:12are the same as the rules

00:49:13for gremlins.

00:49:14Many are rooted

00:49:14in male insecurity

00:49:15and the desire

00:49:16to exert power over women,

00:49:18but their allegedly

00:49:19objective perspective

00:49:20on dating creates

00:49:21an environment

00:49:22where mistreating women

00:49:23is simply science

00:49:24rather than a self-serving

00:49:25and cruel decision.

00:49:27This is why Barney

00:49:28articulates his bro code

00:49:29as having a basis

00:49:30and authority

00:49:30that is either historical,

00:49:32There should be a set

00:49:33of rules that govern

00:49:33the way bros comport themselves

00:49:35among other bros.

00:49:36Or Biblical.

00:49:38Article 1, bros before hoes.

00:49:43His other dating rules

00:49:44are also occasionally made

00:49:45to sound like they're taken

00:49:47from literal scripture.

00:49:48We wait three days

00:49:49to call a woman

00:49:50because that's how long

00:49:52Jesus wants us to wait.

00:49:54One category of the

00:49:55How I Met Your Mother rules

00:49:56is about criteria

00:49:57for what kind of women

00:49:58men find desirable

00:49:59to sleep with or date.

00:50:00Some of these are hilariously

00:50:02baseless.

00:50:03Girls whose names

00:50:04end in L-Y

00:50:05are always dirty.

00:50:07Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily.

00:50:10Oh yeah, I know it's true.

00:50:11Others, like Barney's

00:50:12hot crazy rule.

00:50:13A girl is allowed

00:50:14to be crazy

00:50:15as long as she is equally

00:50:16hot.

00:50:19Thus, if she's this crazy,

00:50:20she has to be this hot.

00:50:22Sees on something

00:50:23a little more pernicious.

00:50:24The way that women's

00:50:25behavior in dating

00:50:26is scrutinized

00:50:27and deemed crazy

00:50:28if it in any way

00:50:29diverges from whatever

00:50:30a man wants her to act like.

00:50:32Meanwhile,

00:50:33the hot crazy rule

00:50:34implicitly assumes

00:50:35men are more logical

00:50:36but can't help

00:50:37but be overwhelmed

00:50:38by the beauty

00:50:39of the women

00:50:39they're attracted to.

00:50:40And this leads us

00:50:41to another category

00:50:42of the rules,

00:50:43ones that help Barney

00:50:44and other men

00:50:44evade accountability.

00:50:46Consider the mermaid rule.

00:50:47Every woman,

00:50:49no matter how

00:50:49initially repugnant,

00:50:51has a mermaid clock.

00:50:53The time it takes

00:50:54for you to realize

00:50:55you want to bone her.

00:50:56The idea that men

00:50:57must inevitably

00:50:58want to sleep

00:50:59with every woman

00:51:00they get to know

00:51:01suggest that their behavior

00:51:02is, on some level,

00:51:03out of their control

00:51:04and therefore,

00:51:05they can't be blamed for it.

00:51:07Even rules created

00:51:08by women

00:51:08reinforce this assumption

00:51:10that certain things

00:51:10are just out of the control

00:51:12of helpless men,

00:51:13like Ted's mother's rule.

00:51:14Nothing good happens

00:51:15after 2 a.m.

00:51:16When Ted violates it

00:51:17by going to hook up

00:51:18with Robin

00:51:19before breaking up

00:51:19with Victoria,

00:51:20his choice implodes

00:51:21his relationships

00:51:22with both women.

00:51:23Still,

00:51:24the 2 a.m. rule

00:51:25that he ends the episode

00:51:26by saying that he proved

00:51:27positions Ted's double betrayal

00:51:29as just an unavoidable

00:51:31side effect

00:51:31of it being late

00:51:32in the evening.

00:51:33I managed to hurt

00:51:33two people I cared about.

00:51:35There's a lesson

00:51:35to be learned here.

00:51:36It's this.

00:51:38When it's after 2 a.m.,

00:51:39just go to sleep.

00:51:42There are occasional rules

00:51:43on How I Met Your Mother

00:51:44for women to determine

00:51:46which men they should date.

00:51:47You never want to date

00:51:48a guy with perfect fingernails?

00:51:49Jerknails, exactly.

00:51:51But these don't receive

00:51:52nearly the same amount

00:51:53of attention.

00:51:54And when we look

00:51:54to other shows

00:51:55or movies that center women,

00:51:57we see that women's rules

00:51:58focus a lot

00:51:59on cultivating desirability,

00:52:01being the kind of woman

00:52:02men think they should date.

00:52:03In Charlotte's introduction

00:52:04on Sex and the City,

00:52:05she's talking about

00:52:06hiding a key aspect

00:52:07of herself

00:52:08to avoid turning off a mate.

00:52:10Most men are threatened

00:52:11by successful women.

00:52:14If you want to get these guys,

00:52:15you have to keep your mouth shut

00:52:17and play by the rules.

00:52:19Cher from Clueless's

00:52:20Rules of Seduction

00:52:21focus on how to make oneself

00:52:22appear desired by others

00:52:24and sexy.

00:52:25I sent myself love letters

00:52:26and flowers and candy

00:52:28just so he'd see

00:52:30how desired I was.

00:52:31Sometimes you have to

00:52:32show a little skin.

00:52:34This reminds guys

00:52:35of being naked

00:52:36and then they think of sex.

00:52:37Beyond that,

00:52:38many of the books

00:52:39aimed at women

00:52:40like The Rules

00:52:41and He's Just Not That Into You

00:52:42come across like self-defense,

00:52:44protecting women

00:52:45from getting taken in

00:52:46and treated as prey

00:52:47by the Barneys of the world.

00:52:49They teach women

00:52:49and a set of parallel rules

00:52:51that invert the male chase.

00:52:52You've got to make him chase you,

00:52:54okay?

00:52:54If it's easy,

00:52:56he'll move on.

00:52:57So much so

00:52:57that you can see

00:52:58The Rules' emphasis

00:52:59on being hard to get

00:53:00as a reversal

00:53:01of the aloofness men

00:53:02were supposed to display

00:53:04through things

00:53:04like the three-day rule.

00:53:06That's why the book says

00:53:07never sleep with a guy

00:53:07on the first date.

00:53:08Totally.

00:53:09Or the second date.

00:53:09Just tell me how many dates?

00:53:1217.

00:53:13In season 5,

00:53:14How I Met Your Mother

00:53:14explores this philosophy

00:53:16through Jennifer Lopez's

00:53:17guest-starring role

00:53:17as Anita,

00:53:18a rules-type author

00:53:19who tries to teach women

00:53:20to tame the Barneys of the world.

00:53:22Of course you're still single.

00:53:23Take a look at yourself,

00:53:24you dumb slut.

00:53:24It's a brilliant book.

00:53:26And it scares away guys

00:53:28who are only interested

00:53:29in getting laid.

00:53:29Anita uses the power of no

00:53:31to control most men

00:53:32and seems to have a chance

00:53:34of breaking Barney.

00:53:35This girl that Barney's going after,

00:53:37she kind of sounds

00:53:38like the anti-Barney.

00:53:39Until in the end,

00:53:40Barney ends up using

00:53:41her own no strategy

00:53:43on her to win.

00:53:44Maybe you might get lucky

00:53:48after the 12th date.

00:53:51No.

00:53:51The 11th date?

00:53:52No.

00:53:52Tonight before dinner.

00:53:58The show uses its most

00:54:00cartoonish character,

00:54:01Barney,

00:54:01to voice all these rules

00:54:02with an air of silliness

00:54:04and give the series deniability.

00:54:06But Ted,

00:54:06the show's protagonist,

00:54:08goes back and forth

00:54:09over how much

00:54:09to believe in them.

00:54:11As Ted tries to figure out

00:54:12some kind of cheat code

00:54:13to find his soulmate,

00:54:14the show's narration is,

00:54:15in a sense,

00:54:16Ted crafting his own set of rules.

00:54:18Not designed,

00:54:19like Barney's,

00:54:20to pursue lots of meaningless sex,

00:54:22but to find true love

00:54:23and understand the dynamics

00:54:24of long-term commitment.

00:54:26At times,

00:54:26Ted follows Barney's rules.

00:54:28It's not cheating

00:54:29if you're not the one

00:54:30who's married.

00:54:31It's not cheating

00:54:31if her name has

00:54:32two adjacent vowels.

00:54:34And it's not cheating

00:54:35if she's from

00:54:35a different area code.

00:54:37Often to regret it.

00:54:38Other times,

00:54:38he pushes back against the rules

00:54:40and defies them.

00:54:41You have to wait three days

00:54:42to call a woman.

00:54:43That rule is completely played out.

00:54:45I got a new rule.

00:54:47It's kind of crazy,

00:54:48but I call it.

00:54:49You like her,

00:54:50you call her.

00:54:51He texts women early,

00:54:53tells them he loves them

00:54:54far too soon

00:54:54for conventional wisdom,

00:54:56and dates people

00:54:56in his immediate personal orbit.

00:54:58But sometimes this blows up on him

00:55:00and he comes around

00:55:01to thinking the rule

00:55:02was right after all.

00:55:03After Barney tries to convince Ted

00:55:05not to go out with his doctor,

00:55:06Stella,

00:55:07because she violates

00:55:08the platinum rule

00:55:09of not dating people

00:55:09you can't avoid

00:55:10like co-workers,

00:55:11or in this case,

00:55:12your doctor.

00:55:13The platinum rule.

00:55:15Never, ever, ever, ever

00:55:17love thy neighbor.

00:55:20Ted rejects the entire premise

00:55:21of Barney's rules.

00:55:22Chances are,

00:55:23Stella and I

00:55:24are not going to live

00:55:25happily ever after.

00:55:26That doesn't mean

00:55:26I'm not going to try.

00:55:28And when it does fail,

00:55:29so help me God,

00:55:30it's not going to be

00:55:31because of some rule.

00:55:32But while Ted sounds right here,

00:55:34the ensuing plot

00:55:35doesn't prove Barney wrong.

00:55:37Stella refuses to go out

00:55:39with Ted until after

00:55:40their doctor-patient relationship

00:55:41is over,

00:55:42thus avoiding the platinum rule problem.

00:55:44And eventually their relationship

00:55:45ends because of the violation

00:55:47of another rule.

00:55:48At least,

00:55:48that's how Ted frames

00:55:50their breakup in his narration.

00:55:51Don't ever,

00:55:52ever invite an ex

00:55:53to your wedding.

00:55:54If someone had given me

00:55:55that advice,

00:55:56well,

00:55:56it would have changed everything.

00:55:58And while Ted ignored this rule

00:55:59because, as usual,

00:56:01he was putting Robin first

00:56:02and wanted her at the wedding,

00:56:03it's a case where

00:56:04all the other members of the gang

00:56:05including Robin

00:56:06agree no exes at a wedding

00:56:08is just a sensible rule of thumb.

00:56:10I kind of get the no exes thing.

00:56:12Why ask a failed romance

00:56:13to come and watch

00:56:14your successful one?

00:56:15Other rules on the show

00:56:16do seem to come true too,

00:56:18like the mermaid rule,

00:56:19which can be interpreted

00:56:20in a positive light.

00:56:21Some of the best relationships

00:56:22come from people in proximity

00:56:24getting to know each other well

00:56:25as friends

00:56:26and liking each other's

00:56:27deeper personalities.

00:56:28Think of Chandler and Monica,

00:56:30Harry and Sally,

00:56:31or a couple most people

00:56:32thought should have stayed together

00:56:33on How I Met Your Mother,

00:56:34Robin and Barney,

00:56:36who develop a romance

00:56:37after spending enough time together

00:56:38to appreciate just how much

00:56:39they enjoy and fit each other.

00:56:41What seems to be the trend

00:56:43on How I Met Your Mother

00:56:44in other stories

00:56:45and in real life

00:56:46is that dating rules

00:56:47often do hold true for a while,

00:56:49only to fail in the face

00:56:51of a real connection

00:56:52because love doesn't

00:56:53really obey the rules.

00:56:55Charlotte has to let go

00:56:56of her meticulous checklist

00:56:57of ideal qualities in a man

00:56:58when she finds herself

00:56:59drawn to her divorce lawyer,

00:57:01Harry,

00:57:01who is almost the opposite

00:57:03of her theoretical Prince Charming

00:57:04and picture-perfect

00:57:06first husband Trey.

00:57:07Harry was bald

00:57:08and he talked with his mouth full.

00:57:11But I loved him anyway.

00:57:12But eventually,

00:57:13she does have the type

00:57:15of fairy tale romance

00:57:16she always wanted.

00:57:17It's just with a bald,

00:57:18hairy, non-wasp man

00:57:19she slept with

00:57:20before they actually

00:57:21went on a date.

00:57:22In Clueless,

00:57:23when Cher realizes

00:57:23she likes Josh,

00:57:25she doesn't know how to act

00:57:26because she'd feel weird

00:57:27putting on some

00:57:28artificial show for him.

00:57:29Ordinarily,

00:57:30I'd strut around him

00:57:31in my cutest little outfits

00:57:32and send myself flowers

00:57:33and candy,

00:57:34but I couldn't do

00:57:36that stuff with Josh.

00:57:37But this is precisely

00:57:38why they belong together,

00:57:40because he knows

00:57:41and loves her

00:57:41as she really is.

00:57:43The main characters

00:57:43of How I Met Your Mother

00:57:44are convinced by the rules

00:57:46in a number of plots

00:57:47with love interests

00:57:48who aren't the one,

00:57:49but go on to frequently

00:57:50break them

00:57:51when it comes to

00:57:51their true love.

00:57:52This is what Ted articulates

00:57:53in the Three Days Rule episode.

00:57:55His love plot with Holly

00:57:56basically proves Barney's rule right

00:57:58in an inverted way.

00:58:00We should get married.

00:58:01That's it.

00:58:02We're totally going

00:58:02to Brazil together.

00:58:03In the end,

00:58:04I didn't need to wait three days,

00:58:06but Holly really, really did.

00:58:08But Ted adds that

00:58:09when it comes to his soulmate,

00:58:11he did throw out the rule.

00:58:12When I got your mother's number,

00:58:14I called her right away.

00:58:16We see the same thing happen

00:58:17when Lily returns to Marshall

00:58:18in Season 2, Episode 7.

00:58:20The episode where Barney

00:58:21puts forward the crazy eyes

00:58:23as grounds for Marshall

00:58:24to reject his date, Chloe.

00:58:25Ted says she has the crazy eyes.

00:58:28What's that?

00:58:29Apparently a thing women have

00:58:30that guys can see

00:58:31and it tells them

00:58:32that the girl's crazy.

00:58:33By the end of the episode,

00:58:34Lily displays full crazy eyes,

00:58:37but it doesn't matter

00:58:38because the power of love

00:58:39is greater than any rule.

00:58:41You have crazier eyes

00:58:43than anybody that I have ever met.

00:58:46I've missed you so much.

00:58:47Moreover,

00:58:48the central rule Ted believes in

00:58:50about the friend group's

00:58:51ideal couple,

00:58:52the Olive Theory.

00:58:52The Olive Theory

00:58:53is based on my friends

00:58:54Marshall and Lily.

00:58:56He hates olives,

00:58:56she loves them.

00:58:57In a weird way,

00:58:58that's what makes them

00:58:58such a great couple.

00:58:59Perfect balance.

00:59:01Turns out to be inaccurate.

00:59:02Lily, I like olives.

00:59:05We'll make it work.

00:59:07So there's no good reason

00:59:08why Lily and Marshall

00:59:09are perfect for each other.

00:59:10They just want to be together

00:59:12and don't reliably follow any rules

00:59:14besides ones they make up

00:59:15for themselves,

00:59:16which they might even break too.

00:59:18Similarly,

00:59:19when Ted inadvertently

00:59:20gets Stella back together with Tony,

00:59:22if you look at it

00:59:23from Stella's and Tony's perspective,

00:59:25the deeper story is,

00:59:26again,

00:59:27that they were following love

00:59:28and no rule following

00:59:29could have really stopped this

00:59:31in the long run.

00:59:32And that, kids,

00:59:33was the perfect ending

00:59:34to a perfect love story.

00:59:36It just wasn't mine.

00:59:37This fallibility of the rules

00:59:39also applies

00:59:40when it comes to deal breakers

00:59:41or the personal laws

00:59:42people think they can't give up

00:59:44for a partner.

00:59:45Ted has specific things

00:59:46he wants in a woman

00:59:47and believes he's unwilling

00:59:48to compromise on.

00:59:49Maybe there are some girls

00:59:50who wouldn't like it

00:59:51that I called them right away

00:59:52or said things too soon,

00:59:54but guess what?

00:59:55Those aren't the right girls for me.

00:59:57But he time and time again

00:59:58puts Robin first,

01:00:00even though she doesn't want kids

01:00:01like he wants most of all.

01:00:03Even Barney gives up

01:00:04his player's life,

01:00:05first for Robin

01:00:06and then permanently

01:00:07for his daughter.

01:00:08In fact,

01:00:09the reason Barney says no to Anita

01:00:11is that he's made a promise

01:00:12to Robin,

01:00:13who on some level

01:00:14he still loves,

01:00:15which is why he means no

01:00:17and is able to break Anita's will.

01:00:19And the plot ends up

01:00:20proving that any rule,

01:00:21however on the money it is,

01:00:23just can't compete

01:00:23with the power of love.

01:00:25For most people,

01:00:26following any dating rules

01:00:27religiously doesn't lead

01:00:28to love or happiness.

01:00:30This is the moral

01:00:31of the movie Don John,

01:00:32where player John relishes

01:00:34his routine of picking up girls

01:00:35until his match on the female side

01:00:37of this game,

01:00:38Barbara,

01:00:39succeeds in hooking John

01:00:40into a serious relationship

01:00:41by intentionally withholding

01:00:43sex from him.

01:00:44All these rules

01:00:44on both John's

01:00:45and Barbara's side

01:00:46don't nurture

01:00:47an authentic two-sided connection.

01:00:49John only starts to think

01:00:50more deeply and intentionally

01:00:52when he goes to night school

01:00:53and is influenced by Esther,

01:00:55a more experienced woman

01:00:56who doesn't care about any rules.

01:00:58What do you get from porn

01:00:59that you don't get from sex

01:01:00with an actual person?

01:01:02I'll lose myself.

01:01:04Undeniably,

01:01:05observing common patterns

01:01:06and rules of thumb

01:01:07can be useful

01:01:08in evaluating

01:01:09another person's interest

01:01:10or developing good instincts

01:01:12about whether a potential partner

01:01:13is right for you.

01:01:14Yet any adherence

01:01:15to rules and expectations

01:01:16has to be fluid.

01:01:18Like a lot of rules,

01:01:19there are times to follow them

01:01:20and times to not.

01:01:21Taking into account context

01:01:23and re-examining the rules

01:01:24as life changes,

01:01:25just as relationships

01:01:26and people are dynamic

01:01:27and multifaceted.

01:01:29When Marshall and Lily

01:01:30notice they've broken

01:01:30the majority of their wedding vows,

01:01:32they make new ones.

01:01:33Then I vow to keep updating them

01:01:35as we go

01:01:35because one set of vows

01:01:38it can't cover a lifetime

01:01:40of growing

01:01:41and changing with you.

01:01:43Any practice of adhering to rules

01:01:45is essentially controlling

01:01:46and hiding one's feelings

01:01:48to retain a certain image

01:01:49instead of truly following

01:01:51where a love connection takes you.

01:01:52Yet the birth of real love

01:01:54depends on a level of abandon,

01:01:56being willing to go to a place

01:01:57that may be humbling,

01:01:58scary,

01:01:59and out of your control.

01:02:00It also needs to be nurtured

01:02:02by a feeling of warmth

01:02:03and openness in communications.

01:02:05When we instinctively sense

01:02:06a person is playing games,

01:02:08that coldness can actually kill

01:02:09the organic developing attraction.

01:02:11As a culture,

01:02:12we're obsessed with the rules

01:02:14of attraction

01:02:14because these interactions

01:02:15involving people's feelings

01:02:17are specifically not governed

01:02:19by the kinds of rules

01:02:19that theoretically structure

01:02:21other aspects of life,

01:02:22where it's much easier

01:02:23to follow a correct path

01:02:24to get the outcome you desire.

01:02:26Men don't want a woman

01:02:27who's too self-sufficient.

01:02:28Ultimately,

01:02:29the majority of dating rules

01:02:30have been about trying

01:02:31to get another person to like you.

01:02:33But when artifice and etiquette

01:02:35are stripped away,

01:02:36after rules have been followed

01:02:37or broken,

01:02:38the truth boils down to one thing

01:02:40that you can't control.

01:02:41They either like you

01:02:42or they don't.

01:02:44That's the take.

01:02:45Click here to watch a video

01:02:46we think you'll love

01:02:47or here to check out

01:02:48a whole playlist of awesome content.

01:02:50Don't forget to subscribe

01:02:51and turn on notifications.

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended