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How I Met Your Mother is a sitcom filled with all kinds of drama – miniscule to major – but one big fight that’s stayed a topic of conversation even all of these years later is the blowup...
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00:00How I Met Your Mother is a sitcom filled with all kinds of drama, minuscule to major,
00:05but one big fight that's stayed a topic of conversation even all of these years later
00:09is the blow-up between Lily Aldrin and Ted Mosby.
00:13Oh, fudge.
00:16But I didn't say fudge.
00:17It's not necessarily the most dramatic or consequential fight of the show,
00:21but it is surprisingly important. Taking a second look at their battle after some time
00:26allows us to see it in a new light, and gives us insight into the deeper, more important layer
00:32to their problem. And this also gives us some pretty useful pointers for our own lives, too.
00:38So, what's the truth about Lily and Ted's big fight?
00:42Of course, it being a TV show, there's always going to be some kind of conflict,
00:46because that's what pushes stories along. And Lily and Ted both have strong personalities,
00:51so it's not surprising that they often butt head.
00:54Their relationship is also affected by the way in which it began.
00:57They're tied together by Marshall, who they both met in college,
01:01Ted being his roommate and Lily his girlfriend.
01:03They did end up becoming friends in their own right,
01:06but they were always individually more connected to Marshall.
01:10This also stems from the show being pretty steeped in the gender dynamics of its era,
01:15still questioning whether men and women can really be just friends,
01:19to what degree friendships we're allowed to compete with
01:21or supersede romantic relationships, etc.
01:24And as sitcom characters, both Lily and Ted are fit into type.
01:28Ted being this stereotypical, self-centered nice guy,
01:31Lily the dedicated wife and mother with a short fuse and a bad spending habit.
01:36Fights happen all of the time on sitcoms.
01:38They're usually between two people in a romantic relationship.
01:42To add a punch of humor,
01:43It's my birthday and you're telling me I'm not the one for you?
01:47It's the odds.
01:48It's like you lost the lottery.
01:50Oh, so dating you is like winning the lottery?
01:52Or pull in some drama.
01:54This is so not great!
01:56I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here.
01:59It's called being on assignment.
02:01But friendship fights are a different animal.
02:04In a world where we're told romantic relationships are meant to be the center of our lives,
02:09the source of all of our happiness and pain,
02:12we can often come to assume that our friendships are just static,
02:16that we don't need to put the same love and care into them.
02:20This is Ted, the guy you left stranded by the side of the road.
02:23I just wanted to say good luck with the interview.
02:25Remember to pick up some milk.
02:26Oh, and when I get home, I'm going to kill you.
02:29But that's not the case.
02:32And in fact, it's exactly this kind of thinking
02:34that often leads to major battles between friends.
02:38Lily and Ted had a number of fights over the course of the show,
02:42but their biggest arguably came in the Christmas episode in season two.
02:46Having come to feel like she was lost in life
02:48and like she had given up all of her hopes and dreams,
02:52Lily decided to make some big changes in her life.
02:55This even included breaking up with Marshall and moving across the country.
02:59Marshall, I'm sorry.
03:00I just, I just need to go to San Francisco
03:02and do this art program and figure out who I am outside of us.
03:07She had essentially put all of her own hopes and dreams
03:10on the back burner for years and finally hit a wall.
03:14She felt she had become boxed into a very specific path in life
03:17and that the only way to break free was to totally change up everything.
03:21I know this sucks.
03:24It's just something I'm going through.
03:26I'm not asking you to be happy about it.
03:28I'm not just asking you to support it.
03:31This, of course, left Marshall distraught.
03:33He hadn't realized the degree to which she felt stifled and unhappy
03:37and thought that they had wanted the same things,
03:40that is, for her to always be there to help him pursue his dream.
03:43This isn't the result of some evil on Marshall's part or anything.
03:47That idea just permeated society and he never really questioned it,
03:51especially since Lily never really directly or forcefully made clear
03:56how unhappy she was until she broke.
03:58Though this is likely a result of her not even fully realizing it
04:02until the final straw broke the camel's back.
04:05So where does Ted fit into all of this?
04:07As Marshall's longtime best friend,
04:09Ted unsurprisingly wanted to be there for his friend
04:12and try to help him through this tough time.
04:14But Ted historically isn't necessarily great with relationships of any kind.
04:19Ted quickly pivoted to the idea that the way to fix this situation
04:23was for Marshall to just get over Lily,
04:25to move on and start a new life.
04:27This isn't totally out of left field.
04:29Many friends try to push their own friends
04:31to start putting themselves out there
04:33and finding someone new after a bad breakup.
04:36But Ted might have taken things a little far.
04:39Lily actually did come back after a heart-to-heart with Barney.
04:43And while things didn't immediately go back to normal,
04:45she and Marshall did eventually realize
04:48that they did want to be together and got re-engaged.
04:50But during the time they were apart,
04:53Ted had been really pushing for Marshall to let Lily go and move on.
04:57And Lily finds some pretty harsh evidence of this
05:00when she comes across an old voicemail.
05:03Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily?
05:05Well, stop it.
05:06She's not worth it.
05:07You gotta get over that, Grinch.
05:09But I didn't say Grinch.
05:11The show never confirms what specifically he actually called her.
05:15But since characters say bitch and slut
05:17uncentered on the show plenty of times,
05:20it's generally assumed that he called her the C-word.
05:23Lily is, unsurprisingly, not at all happy about this.
05:26And this is where the rift,
05:28both on the show and among fans, begins.
05:30Lily thinks Ted went over the line.
05:33But Ted feels like he was justified
05:35because he was just trying to support his friend.
05:37In fact, he refuses to apologize.
05:40You apologized, didn't you?
05:42Oh, yeah.
05:43I'm sorry were the first words out of my mouth.
05:45I'm sorry, but I'm not apologizing.
05:47They have a first attempt at a conversation
05:49when Ted goes to Lily's apartment.
05:51They don't work things out,
05:53but a new layer to the conflict is revealed.
05:56Ted wasn't just upset that she hurt his best friend,
05:59but also that she hurt him by leaving.
06:01Marshall's not the only one you walked out on.
06:03You leave for three months.
06:04You don't even call.
06:06Come on, Lily, we're supposed to be friends.
06:07After another blow-up, things are finally resolved
06:11when Marshall reveals that he knew the perfect gift
06:14to get Lily for Christmas
06:15because Ted had remembered her saying
06:17she wanted an Easy Bake Oven years ago.
06:20When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven.
06:25Easy Bake Oven?
06:26That's what I'm gonna call my van.
06:27They finally both come to realize
06:29how important they are to each other,
06:31apologize, and make up for real.
06:34While the big studio audience gasp part of their fight
06:37is that Ted called Lily a very bad word,
06:40the actual takeaway is how feeling unheard or forgotten about
06:44can lead to building resentment.
06:47And if the issue is never communicated,
06:49it can cause huge problems.
06:52This is what ended up causing Lily
06:53to feel like she had to pick up her life and leave.
06:56But it's also why she didn't even think about
06:58how it might affect her other friends.
07:00She just assumed she was second fiddle in everyone's life
07:04and that her absence wouldn't even really matter to them.
07:07And while Ted is often very open about his feelings
07:10in his romantic relationships...
07:12Look, obviously, you can't tell a woman
07:13you just met you love her.
07:15But it sucks that you can't.
07:18He's not to the same degree in his friendship.
07:21In the end, they both learn how important it is
07:23to speak up about how you're feeling,
07:25but also about how much you care about those around you.
07:29You can't just assume your friends know
07:31how much you cherish them.
07:32You have to let them know.
07:34Lily Aldrin is special.
07:36You hold on to that girl.
07:37Ted, oh my god.
07:40The fact that they have a whole ritual
07:41specifically around apologizing to each other...
07:44Are you sure this is gonna work?
07:46Yeah, this is our thing.
07:47In college, whenever I wanted to make up with her,
07:49I'd buy her a beer.
07:49Cute, right?
07:50...makes clear both how often they come head to head,
07:53but also how deep down they realize
07:55how important it is to be able to put their own egos aside
07:59for the sake of their friendship.
08:01Their tenacious natures can cause problems
08:03in their relationships, both romantic and platonic,
08:06but it's also what pushes them to keep trying.
08:09They could have just decided to give up
08:11on their friendship for good.
08:13Ted when she left,
08:14or Lily when she heard the voicemail,
08:16or either of them after any of their many spat,
08:18and just settled into being distant acquaintances
08:21tethered together only by their connection to Marshall.
08:24But they are real friends,
08:26and realized that they were willing to fight
08:29for their friendship,
08:30even if it meant having to admit that they were wrong.
08:33While Lily and Ted's personalities
08:35caused them to fight quite a lot,
08:37their differences are also actually important
08:39because they're able to see things
08:41from different perspectives,
08:42and importantly aren't afraid to confront each other.
08:45Yeah, I am not a kindergartner.
08:47Exactly!
08:48You know what that word means.
08:49You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful.
08:53Assface.
08:53They're able to open each other's eyes
08:55to perspectives that they wouldn't have on their own.
08:58And the fact that they're actually both a little over the top
09:01in a similar way means that they can understand
09:04each other's more intense reactions and choices
09:06in a way that the others around them can't always.
09:10Think about how much we all mean to each other.
09:13So when I picture the future,
09:14I picture us all together.
09:16As the loneliness epidemic continues to grow,
09:19and people feel more distant and alone,
09:22on top of all of the seemingly never-ceasing flood
09:25of stressors hounding us from all sides,
09:27building and maintaining strong friendships
09:30has never been more important.
09:32According to a 2024 survey by Harvard's Making Care in Common,
09:36people between 30 to 44 years of age
09:38were the loneliest group.
09:4029% of people in this age range
09:42said that they were frequently or always lonely.
09:45Among 18 to 29-year-olds,
09:47the rate was 24%.
09:49And loneliness isn't just a bummer.
09:52It can have very real, long-term impacts.
09:54In his 2023 report on the topic,
09:57Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy wrote,
09:59Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling.
10:01It harms both individual and societal health.
10:05It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease,
10:08dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.
10:12And the harmful consequences of a society
10:14that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools,
10:18workplaces, and civic organizations,
10:20where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.
10:23Community and caring for one another
10:25is the only way we'll be able to make it through the darkest days.
10:28And creating those kinds of connections does take a lot of upkeep.
10:32Real, lifelong friendship isn't about being perfect all of the time
10:36or always getting along,
10:38but instead being able and willing
10:40to work through problems when they arise
10:42and often being able to accept
10:45that you're both a little bit wrong and a little bit right.
10:48That isn't to say that every friendship has to be forever
10:51or that moving on from a friendship is automatically a failure.
10:55Sometimes realizing that a friendship or friend group
10:57isn't working out for you anymore is just a part of life
11:00and removing yourself from that negative situation
11:03can have a very positive impact on your life and happiness.
11:06I have come to realize how exhausting and narcissistic
11:10and ultimately boring this whole dynamic is.
11:12And I finally feel brave enough
11:14to create some distance for myself.
11:16But when you know that someone does add positively to your life,
11:20even if you don't always see eye to eye,
11:22it can be worth it to take a step back
11:24and see if you can find common ground.
11:26Because good friends are worth fighting with and for.
11:30To everyone at this table,
11:32I love you guys so much, I can't even.
11:37That's the take.
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