00:00I'm so excited to talk your new book, Bottom of the Pyramid.
00:03Something really interesting to me as a Dance Moms fan myself
00:08was kind of seeing the evolution of the show before it came to fruition.
00:12Like it was pitched to you as a documentary.
00:14Right.
00:14It was originally titled Just Dance.
00:17You were only committed for like six weeks and that turned into seven seasons of Dance Moms.
00:23Was that like quick progression, I guess, ever daunting or like did it ever give you pause?
00:28It never gave me pause because I always just like to perform.
00:31I've always been like that.
00:33Just like as a kid, I loved to dance.
00:35I loved to sing.
00:37I loved to do like I just loved being on stage.
00:39So anything that had to do with like the cameras, costumes, dance, I was just drawn to.
00:45I was drawn to a stage.
00:46So the fact that they kept extending it or I didn't even know what Dance Moms was really going to be.
00:53It ended up being like a pop culture phenomenon, which is pretty insane to be a part of when you have no idea it's going to be that.
01:02So, yeah, I don't know.
01:03It came so fast and everything happened so fast.
01:06But also at the same time, it felt very normal, you know, like it didn't feel like we were on a TV show, even though we were.
01:16It was just our life.
01:17You opened up about being diagnosed with reflex neurovascular dystrophy, which is now called complex regional pain syndrome, shortly before Dance Moms started production.
01:26Right. Yeah.
01:26And you had to learn how to dance again through an animation program.
01:31You were using a wheelchair for a period of time.
01:33But it was mentioned in the show fairly briefly.
01:36Can you take me through this experience for you?
01:38Yeah.
01:38I was eight years old and I got diagnosed with R&D, which is basically like to put in simple terms, pain management disorder.
01:48And it affected both of my legs, which is like very uncommon for it to affect like like two parts of your body, but like on different sides.
01:57It's very like uncommon.
01:58But, yeah, it was a really interesting time for me because I was still so young.
02:03I mean, I was eight years old and didn't really know that much about, you know, how the body works, how powerful your mind is and how to also just process pain and how to handle it.
02:14But that experience honestly taught me a lot about myself.
02:17It taught me how strong I really was and that I could really overcome anything.
02:22And I think it really prepared me, honestly, for the show, which is so crazy.
02:27But it did.
02:28I felt like I could really if I could get through that, I felt like I could get through anything.
02:32And the therapist I work with, they they gave me coping mechanisms to really take care of my body, to take care of my mind, make sure like if I have a pain,
02:45like differentiate between like is this pain a pain that will go away quickly or is this going to be a long lasting pain that you have to treat?
02:53Like, you know, do you have to go to the ER?
02:55Do you just have to ice your knee?
02:56Being really like in tune with their body.
02:58And it really just mentally prepared me as well, just for I feel like just like my whole life for anything, really.
03:05And I know that in the intro to the memoir, you write that Chloe, one of the other your other Dance Moms co-stars, encouraged you to share your story this way.
03:15Was that the first time that you were considering writing a memoir?
03:18Like, how did this come to fruition?
03:20Yeah, I mean, I've always wanted to write a book, a memoir.
03:23I after the show ended, I think I was like 16 when the show like officially ended.
03:28And I was for some reason, I was like, I need to write my book right now.
03:32I'm so happy I didn't.
03:33I would have said things I would definitely regret.
03:37I was definitely too still in it.
03:40But now having like time away, it's given me so much time to reflect on my experiences.
03:45It felt like the right time, especially when I feel like after like the post 2020 world, I feel like everyone's just like more receptive about talking about race.
03:55And a huge part of my story is being the only black girl on the show for a majority of the show and how that's affected me.
04:01And I feel like people can actually understand where I'm coming from now and can will actually sit down and listen and and read and actually want to take something away from it, which I'm grateful for.
04:15I'm grateful for that we can have these conversations and hopefully it helps other people as well.
04:21And I could imagine this book required reliving a lot of past traumas, particularly particularly surrounding Abby's treatment of you.
04:30Yes.
04:31And like watching back these episodes and even from the title alone, how did you manage, I guess, to reflect while not getting stuck in the past?
04:39Yeah.
04:40Well, I feel like enough time has passed where I can I can look at it from like a different point of view as an adult.
04:47I see things differently.
04:49You know, I stayed on the show for so long and I always felt like I had to prove myself, not just like to my teacher and to everyone else.
05:00But like to myself, like I felt like I had a point to prove I also knew that I deserve to be there.
05:07But now looking back at it as an adult, I'm like, you know what, sometimes it's OK to walk away from things and that doesn't make you a quitter.
05:15But at that time, it felt like if I left, it would would make me a quitter.
05:20I have no regrets staying, like genuinely.
05:22I learned so much from the show, good and bad.
05:26I like I've learned so much.
05:28And even with all the negativity that happened on the show, unfortunately, like the bad did outweigh the good.
05:36But hence the book.
05:38But I'm grateful for the experiences I had because it's just made me a stronger person.
05:44And it's made me who I am today.
05:46I loved learning more about your relationship with your mom, Holly, and how strong it was throughout not only your time on the show,
05:52but now and how influential she was in the making of this book.
05:55I guess, did it kind of reinstill for you like the power of that relationship?
06:00Yes.
06:00Well, my mom has been like my day one.
06:03Like she's my person.
06:04Like she's definitely like my best friend.
06:06She genuinely is my whole world.
06:10Like I dedicated the book to her.
06:12And even in the acknowledgements, I'm like this book is as much hers as it is mine.
06:17Like our stories are like they're one in the same, you know, like we we went through so much together.
06:24And she just fought for me every single day.
06:27And she still fights for me every single day.
06:29And I'm so grateful that I have that relationship with my mom because I realize, especially as an adult now, that's not always the case.
06:37Not even just like from the show.
06:39I just know that having that kind of bond with your mom is like not always common.
06:45And I feel so blessed that I have that relationship with her.
06:48And I cannot believe how she kept herself together the whole entire time.
06:54She never cursed once, which is crazy for reality TV to like never curse.
06:59But she really was such a like a great role model to look up to for me.
07:06I still like look up to her so much.
07:08She's a great role model.
07:10I'm so grateful that she was with me every step of the way and just kind of guided me through things.
07:15Even though she had never been on reality TV, she still low key knew how to how to handle certain situations.
07:23And I just I love that she wasn't a doormat and she always stood up for me.
07:28Your resilience is kind of this overarching theme throughout this book as you brought up, but also your reflections.
07:35One line that really struck me was that you were excited to kind of rediscover the person that you'd lost as you're pursuing these other projects,
07:41as you were finding dance again and kind of making new meaning in it for yourself after the show.
07:47Um, how like cathartic was it to write this book and kind of like rethink all these experiences and also frame it in a way that was like guiding your progress for sure I this book has been really helpful for me.
08:02I think that having the space to actually write down all my thoughts, actually taking the time to process the things that I went through.
08:13And there were some things that I mentioned in the book where I was like, I hadn't I hadn't really even thought about it, you know, and I went back to those places.
08:22And I'm like, oh, my gosh, wait, that's it doesn't make me feel great.
08:25And I think that's the beautiful part about writing a book is that people get to see me for like who I truly am.
08:31And, um, you know, I show the good, the bad parts, like the pretty and the ugly.
08:38And, um, sometimes it does get really sad.
08:42I'm not going to lie.
08:43Like some parts, like every time I go back and I read the book and I make my edits, it genuinely like every time I went back to read it, it made me feel something every time still to this day.
08:54I read it literally last week and I was like, oh, my gosh, like I do start to tear up.
08:59And it's not even just because it's parts are sad.
09:02It's more just because like, wow, I like I got through all of that.
09:06And to see it on paper, to see it in front of you, to see your whole life story kind of like right there, like tangible, it's pretty surreal.
09:14Um, and it just, it truly shows how much I have really just gone through.
09:21I've lived so many lives and being able to take time to kind of honor like that nine year old little girl.
09:28Um, it just, it brings me so much joy and it brings me so much peace.
09:32And you mentioned that Dance Moms or Surgeons kind of took place during the pandemic, which I also saw online, obviously, like TikTok sounds, people rewatching the show again, either binge rewatching or watching it again for the first time.
09:47Um, I guess, did this stir up any feelings for you, like seeing it kind of come up or become, it's always been a part of the zeitgeist, becoming like kind of reemerging again?
09:56Right. Um, it's been interesting.
09:58Um, I feel like Dance Moms is even bigger now than it was back when it was airing, which is kind of weird.
10:06I don't know if that's true or not, but that's kind of how I feel.
10:08Maybe it's just because more people are on social media.
10:11I don't know.
10:12But that's also been very interesting to see video clips pop up.
10:18And I'm just like, wow, I forgot that even happened.
10:21And people are using funny sounds.
10:22People are bringing stuff up from the past.
10:24I'm like, oh, that was an interesting decision I made at 10 years old, but here we are.
10:29And we all get to laugh about it now.
10:31I don't mind it.
10:31I think it's funny.
10:32Um, I got a kick kick out of, um, how creative people can be online, especially with the sounds.
10:40Dance Moms fans are actually hilarious and they're so great.
10:44They find so many different ways to use different sounds.
10:48And I love a Dr. Holly compilation, like they're so funny.
10:53Like all of her quotes, amazing, amazing.
10:56And I didn't even know all of them until like I was, I'll be on TikTok and I'll watch all these videos.
11:01And anytime there's a, there's a Dance Moms Holly edit, I have to watch.
11:05I have to watch.
11:06Cause it's always, it's always a banger.
11:08Social media.
11:09Um, it's become a platform for you to express yourself.
11:11You talk about using it for good in this book, which is great.
11:13Um, and to share more about your life and successes on there, but you also talk about some of the harms of it, obviously, and people's comments and reliving some of these past traumas from the show.
11:23I guess, how do you balance kind of the good with the bad or how do you like keep out the bad while pursuing the good?
11:30Right.
11:30Of course.
11:31Um, I try to limit some of the, the things that I see online.
11:36Uh, I always love, I, I, I, I deep dive all the time and I always know sometimes I'm like, okay, you're going to go a little too far.
11:43But sometimes I can't help it, you know?
11:45Um, but I always try to, to remember that if I see negative comments, like I know people don't know the full story, which is why it's so important that I wrote my books that hopefully they can read it and see where I came from.
11:59But also, um, I, I recognize that like for every like negative comment, whatever, there's so many positive ones.
12:10And there's so many people that I have in my corner rooting for me.
12:13And that's honestly what matters the most.
12:16It's the people that actually support me and actually like care what I have to say and, and see me for who I really am.
Be the first to comment