- 1 day ago
Riley picks up two banquet tickets discarded by his boss.
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00:00And now, William Bendix, in The Life of Riley, with Marjorie Reynolds as Peg, Tom D'Andrea
00:19as Gillis, Loujean Sanders as Babs, Wesley Morgan as Junior, Pop asked a whistle, I wish you'd
00:41learn a tune. When you live with it as long as I have, you'll get used to it. How do I
00:46look, Mom? Very nice, dear. What do you have to get all frizzed up for just to go to the
00:51picture show? Because George Savage isn't the sort of boy that you go out with in a
00:56sweater. What's the matter with him? I wish you'd go out once in a while, Mom. Must be
01:02pretty boring staying home every night playing cards with an infant. Who's an infant? I blitzed
01:07you four games in a row. Only because you... There he is now. Could you wake up Daddy, Mom,
01:15so George won't hear him? Shake your father, Junior. That won't get us anywhere.
01:31Jamie, follow me! What's the idea? You want to deafen me? Hello, Babs. Come on in, George.
01:39Good evening, Mrs. Riley. Hello, George. Mr. Riley, Junior? You and Babs better hurry up if you
01:43want to catch the first show. Just a minute. Where are they going? To the Tivoli, Daddy.
01:50What's the name of the picture? I don't know. You don't know? Well, that's a fine way to start
01:57out for an evening. Oh, Daddy. I'm not going to have my daughter... I've already told them
02:02they can go, Riley. Well, have a good time, kids. Don't eat too much popcorn. Get her home
02:06early. I will, Mr. Riley. Good night. Good night.
02:09Good night. You know, we haven't been out for a long time. Why don't we do something
02:20tonight? Okay. Call up the Gillises to come over. We'll play some Canesta. Can't you think
02:25of something besides the Gillises? Yeah, we could go down to the Melrose alleys and watch
02:29them bowl. I'm afraid the excitement would be too much for me. I know. Why don't you and
02:36me and Junior play authors? Last time we played, I had Shakespeare and Longfellow back-to-back
02:41when the Morrises came busting in. Mom means take her to the show. What for? I can sleep better
02:46in my own chair than in one of them lodges. That don't cost me nothing. Well, I'm a little fed up
02:51staying home every night listening to you snore. Well, where do you want to go? Out. Other husbands
02:57take their wives out to the theater and dinner every once in a while. Every time I ask you to go to
03:02the theater, you say no. I'm not interested in the bon ton girly burlesque. You've taken
03:09me to a real theater for as long as I can remember. I can't go running around being one of them
03:14playboys. I don't make that kind of money. Well, you'd have enough if you didn't throw
03:18it away on foolish gadgets. Foolish gadgets? What foolish gadgets? Name one. The diver's
03:24helmet that you paid five dollars for. I got petunias planted in that, ain't I? The ski
03:31boots that turned out to be both for the left foot. And the stuffed rattlesnake and the
03:35shrunken head. You keep out of this, Junior. Your mother's thinking of enough. The seven
03:40dollars that you paid for that idiotic chiming watch. This watch is worth 50 bucks. It's a
03:46genuine antique. It belonged to Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar never had a watch. How do you know?
03:53What were you, one of his nights at the bathtub? Well, you two continue this dazzling argument.
03:58I'm going to bed. It's only 7.30. You sleepy already? No. I'm bored. Unutterably bored. I'm bored
04:07stiff. I can't figure her out. She's got a house to clean, meals to cook, you two kids to look
04:19after, dishes to wash, laundry, floors to scrub, and she's bored. What more does she want?
04:26I know just what you mean, Ryle. With honeybeards, the Marambo Club, the Pineapple Grove, theaters,
04:35picture shows every night in a week. How do you afford that? I don't take her. That's my system.
04:42That's a pretty good system. Sure. But I got to take Peg. She deserves it. How about the plant
04:48picnic? Well, that ain't for three months yet. So for three months, you'd describe it to her.
04:57Hey, these rivets are no good, Ryle. We better take them over to old steel puss. Let me see that.
05:03Yeah, they're pretty bad. Sure. Why monkey with the foreman? Let's show these to the big boss.
05:07Are you nuts? He ain't interested in rivets. If we show him to old steel puss, he'll take all the
05:13credit. Come on. I don't think this is the right thing to do, Ryle. And I would appreciate it now,
05:19sir, at your earliest convenience for the matter at hand. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That all
05:25the mail, Miss Bowser? All except these tickets for the dinner. What tickets to what dinner?
05:30The Donor Society. It's a dinner for the rehabilitation of the Choctaw Indians at the
05:35Ritzmore. $25 a plate. I seem to be on every sucker list in the country. Yes, sir, you certainly are.
05:45Shall I send him a check? Of course not. Drop them in the wastebasket. Yes, sir.
05:53And take a memo to Mr. Coswell.
05:57Will you let it alone, Ryle? It got stuck. You probably added a couple of grand on the payroll
06:03already. What is that? Well, I'll go see Mr. Cunningham.
06:10What are you doing to that adding machine? I was doing a problem for my son, Junior, and it
06:14got stuck. Now, what are you two doing in here anyway? We want to see Mr. Cunningham. What's
06:22the nature of your business? Uh, we got defective rivets. Yeah. Too work for me to see you. They
06:29say they've got rivets. We got what? We got defective rivets! Send them in.
06:39Come on, Gillis.
06:43Good morning, Mr. Cunningham. Well, Ryley, Gillis, what can I do for you? Uh, we came across this
06:48batch of defective rivets, Mr. Cunningham. We, we, we thought you might be interested in them.
06:52Yes, I would like to know about them. I'm glad you brought them to me.
06:55Yeah, why, why, why, sure. Well, one of these rivets could have got into an airplane. Maybe
06:59a general's riding in it. They're flying over a mountain. All of a sudden, crack! The
07:04rivet gives away. Crack! Crack! Crack! Boom!
07:10I'm sorry, Mr. Cunningham. I'll mop it up. Never mind, Winnie! Bring in a towel. Give me those
07:16rivets. What rivets? You throw them in a wastebasket. Huh? Not all. My papers, the water's ruining them.
07:35You want these tickets, Mr. Cunningham? If I'd wanted them, I wouldn't have dropped them in the
07:39wastebasket. Here, mop off this photo. Yeah. And get me a new blotter. Yes, sir.
07:50Here they are, Mr. Cunningham. The whole batch is just like this.
07:54Ah, ah, ah, ah! Hand them to Gillis.
07:57Now, you put them on the desk.
08:07And leave them there.
08:09I'll take care of them.
08:11That'll be all, Riley.
08:14You should have quit when you were ahead.
08:16You see? You almost got us fired.
08:30Yeah, but look what I found.
08:32What are they?
08:33Two tickets to a swell banquet.
08:35Did you take those off the boss's desk?
08:36No, I found them in the wastebasket. He said he didn't want them.
08:39Well, what do you want with them?
08:40I'm going to take my peg and blow her to a swell meal at the Ritz-Moore.
08:47Riley, this is a dinner for the Chonkatoa Indians.
08:50So what? I can eat just as much as they can.
08:53And faster.
09:01Winnie, bring another towel.
09:10Good evening.
09:22They must be Chonkatoas.
09:24Riley, you don't speak to strangers in a place like this.
09:27Why not? We got on as good clothes as they have.
09:29Next time you rent a tux, let me go with you.
09:32Oh, look at that tie.
09:34There.
09:35Ah, thanks, Duffler.
09:36Gee, you look wonderful.
09:38I bet I got the prettiest girl at the banquet.
09:39But I'll bet you tell that to all the girls.
09:42I've had this dress for at least three years.
09:44If I wasn't a married man, I'd propose to you.
09:46You know something?
09:47What?
09:48If I wasn't a married woman, I'd accept you.
09:50Thanks, Duffler.
09:53Oh, here it is.
09:55Banquet room.
09:56Are you sure you got those tickets from Mr. Cunningham?
09:58Oh, yeah, sure. He wasn't going to use them.
09:59Knock on the door, Peg.
10:00Well, you don't knock. You go right in.
10:02It says private.
10:03You have tickets. Open the door.
10:05Some joint, huh, Peg?
10:24That's very nice.
10:26They don't let no bums in here.
10:28When I take you out, I take you out first class.
10:30Good evening.
10:31May I have your ambitacion?
10:34Huh?
10:35What are you saying?
10:36The tickets, Riley.
10:37Oh!
10:39Yeah, bud.
10:45Won't you please be seated just a moment?
10:50Where's he going with them tickets?
10:51Probably to assign us a table.
10:53I want a receipt.
10:54Oh, sit down, Riley.
10:56Everything will be all right.
11:03Oh.
11:04Here we are, Madeline.
11:06Obviously.
11:09Well, I suppose Carl will be back in a minute.
11:13Sit down, Felicity.
11:18Ah, I see we have company.
11:20I'm Cecil Spencer Kendrick, the third.
11:23How do you do?
11:24You mean there's two more of you inside?
11:26Oh, jolly good old Ruth.
11:29Jolly good, Avalice.
11:31Two more will be inside.
11:33Why, Joel?
11:35Yes.
11:36May I present my wife, Mrs. Kendrick?
11:40How do you do?
11:41I'm Mrs. Chester Riley.
11:43I'm Chester A. Riley, the first.
11:46First.
11:47Oh, yes, first.
11:48Charmed, I'm sure.
11:53Quite a good turnout.
11:56A what?
11:57I didn't say nothing.
11:59He asked me a question.
12:01I haven't seen you at any of our meetings before.
12:04Are you one of us?
12:06Well, we ain't pure chocotars, but my grandpa was part siwash.
12:10Ha, ha, ha, ha.
12:12Who is it?
12:14That was old Grandpa Sour Belly.
12:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
12:18Oh, yes.
12:22Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Kendrick's.
12:24A thousand partners.
12:26Ah, car.
12:27Table 17.
12:28Come, Fizzle.
12:29Let's go to our table.
12:31Right-o.
12:33Well, old boy.
12:34See you about.
12:35A what?
12:36About what?
12:37Uh, well, old boy.
12:43Where is our table?
12:44A what?
12:44I'm sorry, sir.
12:46There seems to be some discrepancy about the tickets.
12:50Don't give me that discrepancy, but I gave you the tickets when I came in.
12:54I mean, on checking.
12:56Mrs. Grover discovered that they weren't paid for.
12:59There is no reservation.
13:01Those were Mr. Cunningham's tickets.
13:04I'm sorry, madam.
13:05There's no entry against the numbers.
13:08Riley!
13:08Oh, don't worry.
13:09I got money.
13:10I can pay for them.
13:11How much?
13:12Twenty-five dollars a plate.
13:14We don't want the plates.
13:15Just the food.
13:17Twenty-five dollars per person.
13:19Twenty-five bucks?
13:21It's a donor's dinner, sir.
13:24Well, I'm a donor at the blood bank.
13:26I'll give you a pint of...
13:27Riley!
13:28If you haven't the cash, your check will be satisfactory.
13:32It all goes to the Choctaws.
13:35Will the Choctaws take an I-O-U?
13:37Wait a minute, Peg.
13:40Forget it.
13:41My wife's got a headache.
13:42We can...
13:43Peg!
13:44Excuse me.
13:44I lost my wife.
13:46Peg!
13:52You ain't spoke to me since last night.
13:57Ain't you even going to say goodbye?
14:00Goodbye.
14:03I thought the tickets were paid for, Peg.
14:05You've got to believe me.
14:07I don't want to talk about it.
14:09Just say anything.
14:11Ball me out.
14:13Hit me with something if you want to, but just talk to me.
14:16Very well, Riley.
14:18I was never so humiliated in my life.
14:21Suppose that had happened in the dining room in front of all those people.
14:24Well, I was just trying to take you to a swell dinner.
14:28I don't care about swell dinners.
14:30It's just going out with you once in a while.
14:33Doesn't matter if it's a hamburger stand and a third-run movie.
14:36That would satisfy me.
14:38You deserve the best, Peg.
14:40Nothing's too good for you.
14:41I know that's how you feel, and I appreciate it.
14:44But trying to put on the ritz and cutting corners will get anybody into trouble.
14:50Tell me the truth about things, dear.
14:53Don't try and pretend.
14:54I feel awful, Peg.
14:59Oh, forget it.
15:02I forgive you.
15:06Now, run on to work.
15:08It's okay, Peg.
15:10I don't know what anyone like you ever saw in a big lug like me.
15:14So long.
15:15Hey, Ryle, if you ain't going to eat that sandwich, give it to me, will you?
15:34Honey, but you got soap on this one.
15:39No, you're starving to death just because you and Peg had a fight.
15:42Uh, we made up, but I still feel like a heel.
15:46Well, what do you expect?
15:47Taking your wife to an Indian dinner.
15:49Making out like your Buffalo Bill.
15:52I was just trying to show her a good time.
15:55You got me in a mess, too.
15:57Now, Honey Bee says I gotta take her out tonight.
15:59Did you say no?
16:01You think I'm nuts?
16:02She should be with the government.
16:04All she knows about them flying saucers.
16:07Where are you taking her?
16:08To the Marambo.
16:09To the Marambo that costs a fortune.
16:12Now, if you play it smart the way I'm gonna with Louie.
16:15Who's Louie?
16:16He's a waiter in the joint.
16:18You mean you know a waiter at the Marambo?
16:20I don't know him personal.
16:22But he went to school with a pal of mine, see?
16:24He's got a racket.
16:26What racket?
16:27If you want to go, my pal calls up and makes a reservation at one of Louie's tables, see?
16:32Then you go in and drink champagne, eat Rockefeller's oysters,
16:36broiled peasants under glass, grape Suzettes.
16:39What's grape Suzettes?
16:41That's pancakes soaked in kerosene.
16:44Then they set them on fire.
16:46Ain't they kind of hot?
16:48You don't eat them until they're burned out.
16:51Well, how do you pay for this?
16:53That's where the racket comes in.
16:55When it's time for the check, you slip Louie an IOU, he pays the cashier out of his own pocket.
17:02Then you pay him a buck a week plus 10% interest.
17:05That way the cafe gets theirs and everybody's happy.
17:08Oh, well, ain't that kind of dishonest?
17:12No, it's just usury.
17:15Oh, Ryle, you got to know the ropes in town.
17:19You got to play it smart like I do.
17:21Now, maybe I could fix it for you and Peg, you know, to come with us.
17:25Uh, well, thanks, but I don't think...
17:30What I mean is I ain't never going to take Peg no place again I can't pay for.
17:35Okay, Ryle, I'm just trying to learn you to be smart, that's all.
17:41What's peasants?
17:42Your name, sir, your address and number in family.
18:04What did I do?
18:05I didn't do nothing.
18:06Oh, yes, yes, you did.
18:07You most certainly did.
18:08I just came in to buy some flowers.
18:10I didn't know the joint was closed.
18:11My congratulations, sir.
18:13You are the 1,000th customer of Forley's local branch.
18:17You have a family.
18:18Oh, yeah, I got a wonderful wife and a son and a daughter.
18:20Your name, sir?
18:21Chester A. Ratty.
18:22I just came in to get some daisies for my wife.
18:24They're her favorites.
18:25Two orchid corsages and all the pyrethium rosium in the shop.
18:29Well, I just want to get some daisies.
18:31I only got two bucks.
18:32Oh, sir, your money is no good and the flowers are complimentary.
18:36And you and your family are to dine tonight at the famous Marumbo
18:40as guests of Forley's Incorporated.
18:47Peg!
18:49Peg!
18:51Oh, I smoke, Pop.
18:53You been to a funeral?
18:54I got some posies for your mother.
18:55Where is she?
18:56She didn't...
18:56Oh, Peg.
18:57Peg, I got great news.
18:59Oh, I brought you some pyre...
19:00A pint of...
19:01Some daisies.
19:02Hey, uh...
19:03Oh, that's very sweet of you.
19:05What's your wonderful news?
19:06You and me and the kids are having dinner tonight at the famous Marumbo Club.
19:11Oh, boy!
19:12I suppose you're paying for it with a pint of blood.
19:15Oh, no, no.
19:16This is all free.
19:17No chocotors, no zulus, no nothing mixed up in it.
19:20We're going to be interviewed.
19:21We're going to have our pictures taken.
19:22Calm down, Roddy.
19:23Now, sit down.
19:25Tell me all about it.
19:26Now, I want the absolute truth this time, point by point.
19:30Yeah, well, I ran into this fellow, see, if the floor is shut.
19:36What's up, Jory, huh, Peg?
19:37Oh, Daddy, I'm so thrilled.
19:39Oh, it's very nice, dear.
19:40When do we eat?
19:41Right now.
19:42Step over the room, Peg.
19:45Good evening.
19:45You have a reservation, sir?
19:46Oh, the name is Chester A. Riley.
19:48Oh, yes, madame.
19:49You're the guest support is incorporated.
19:52This way, please.
19:54Right, kids?
19:55Your table is ready.
19:57Oh, just a minute.
19:58You ain't got no sale on plates.
20:00It's $25 a crack, have you?
20:02I beg your pardon, sir?
20:03Mr. Riley means that the check has been taken care of.
20:07Oh, but surely, madame, everything has been settled by poorly.
20:10Table 8 for Mr. Riley and family?
20:13Yes, sir.
20:19What up, Mom?
20:21He pulled the chair out.
20:22Oh, Junior, he's supposed to.
20:26Junior, that's high class.
20:28Now, pull the chair out for your sister.
20:30What's the fun if she knows I'm doing it?
20:33Do what I tell you.
20:34Oh, heck.
20:41Huh?
20:42This is the life, huh, Peg?
20:44What's for dinner?
20:45It's all been arranged, sir.
20:46Shall I serve cocktails?
20:48Oh, I'll have tomato juice, please.
20:50Oh, I think I'll have that, too.
20:52I'll have a cocktail.
20:54You'll have tomato juice.
20:56Make it four.
20:57And we'd like some rolls and butter.
20:59Yes, sir.
21:00Bus boy.
21:02Look, Pop.
21:03Here comes Mr. Gillis.
21:09Hello, Riley.
21:10Gillis.
21:11I didn't know you worked nights.
21:13Nights, Saturday, Sunday, holidays.
21:16What happened, Gillis?
21:18Louie fell down on me.
21:19Where's Honeybee?
21:24Cigars.
21:27Cigars.
21:28Cigarettes.
21:29Hello, folks.
21:31If you're dependent on Louie,
21:32I got another tray for Peg.
21:34Honeybee, what does it mean?
21:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
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