- 2 days ago
S1, Ep 6: A Good Medium is Rare. After returning the dog of Phyllis Diller, Scooby Doo and the gang return with her to her home at the mysterious Magic Mansion, where she plans to hold a seance. But as well as the fellow guests and sitters they discover there is a mysterious phantom who plans on stealing her jewels. But who among the guests could it be?
These are from old video recordings I have when they were shown on ITV in the mid 1990's (complete with adverts). I have only five of these, so I shall try to upload the remaining two tomorrow. Until then, enjoy.
These are from old video recordings I have when they were shown on ITV in the mid 1990's (complete with adverts). I have only five of these, so I shall try to upload the remaining two tomorrow. Until then, enjoy.
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FunTranscript
00:00like I'm gonna see that creepy phantom in my sleep it's a scary out there as it
00:15was in that movie all those shadows are you afraid of shadow I'm not afraid of
00:20anything except things I'm scared of there's nothing out there just a dark
00:25old street come on down it's just a little poodle hey you're cute
00:42Wow dig that crazy collar hey those are real diamonds that collar is worth a
00:50fortune we better try and find his owner who would lose a dog with all those
00:54diamonds on his collar somebody with a lot of diamonds hey
00:57there's something printed on his collar looks like an address it must be where
01:02he lives come on let's go
01:10this is the place an awful big house for such a little dog big and creepy now how
01:17do we get in who's there who's there who's there we found your dog it looks like some old castle
01:35we found this dog downtown is he yours it belongs to the lady who owns the house come in
01:45I'll tell my lady I can't wait to see who lives here I sure hope it's none of his relatives yeah
01:57well hi there it's Phyllis Diller the big star wow what a surprise welcome to my little grass shakie poo
02:09some grass shack oh boy we found him in front of a movie oh it was so nice of you to bring him back
02:19yeah now we used our noodle and returned your poodle thank you thank you thank you I'll see that you
02:27receive a generous reward Lucas you called give him his dinner Lucas and because he was a naughty
02:34dog and ran away no banana cream pie banana cream pie yummy while you're here let me show you around
02:45this hallway is from an ancient castle haunted by the banshee of Glock Mora you hear that banshees
02:56ghosts that was the banshee don't you just love it where'd that whale come from sounded like upstairs
03:12probably just the wind my second husband was crazy about antiques he adored me
03:20hey think that guy in the tin suit he's watching us he was he was Wilbur my first was a big game
03:35hunter he always said I was the only trophy that ever bagged to him
03:39the hat rack look at the hat rack what about it
03:48I've had it with this place let's split somebody's giving us the once-over we're being watched you and
03:57your imagination how could somebody be watching us like right there those eyes on the elephant
04:02what elephant that elephant well where'd he go
04:07we'd better catch up to miss diller she'll think we're lost I'm not getting lost in here
04:16nobody gets lost on purpose getting lost is something that happens when you're not looking
04:21hey look over here
04:22how'd you like to be locked up in that not me I'm not gonna be locked up no place no time no how
04:33listen we better find miss diller she's gonna wonder where we are how about that
04:38nice girl to stay away from let's get out of this spooky place yeah there's only one way out
04:55that's the way we came in hey gang first we have to find miss diller there's nothing to be scared of
05:01we just don't know where we're going like I'd rather know what I'm getting into
05:06this is my living room I don't know why I call it that because none of the people who hang around in
05:25here are living they're all ghosts these are the pictures of my five late husbands they were all tycoons
05:33except Henry my third he looked more like a raccoon they all look real nice yeah nice and rich
05:43of course I didn't marry any of them for their money they took one look at me and it was love at first sight
05:52that's a laugh
05:54scooby-doo where are you who turned out the lights just one of the ghosts I'll get a candle
06:04there we are like what happened to the others they disappeared nobody disappears around here I don't
06:13allow it oh ghosts they're after us sorry miss diller we were trying to find a light switch we got
06:23tangled up in your furniture covers oh you didn't scare me I know all about ghosts who turned off the
06:30electricity it must have been the ghost of Marvin my second husband he was such a cheapskate all right
06:37Marvin you quit fooling around and turn on those lights boy if I was a ghost I sure wouldn't haunt her
06:43house nope Marvin
07:00Mr.. Diller you'd better come to the library what is it Lucas I'll show you oh dear it's always something
07:09what a mess it looks like my kitchen on a good day what happened somebody really
07:18tore it up i'll bet a rubber broke in i think he's still here so do i i'll get him
07:26be careful fred he could be dangerous i got him
07:32nice try freddie well somebody broke in here would you know what they might be looking for
07:40miss diller they were looking for my priceless jewel collection luckily they didn't find it
07:46i have a secret hiding place i wonder who it was i'll show you who it was
07:55here's where the burglar came in i'll bet sure and here's the bag he dropped how do you know maybe it
08:01belongs to miss diller look at the initials m m well who's m m could be a clue i don't think so
08:10velma no thief would leave a bag with his initials on it wasn't a clue eh now i'm going to tell you
08:20who was after my jewels it was him the ghost of my fourth husband rudolph rudolph yes he was in the
08:28sprinkler business they called him rudolph the red-nosed rainmaker he was always after my money
08:36right lucas right milady miss diller's a nice lady but i think she's driving on three wheels well
08:44somebody with the initials mm is after her jewels lucas someone's at the front door
08:52good evening i am from the magic mansion i am a magician
09:00my card the great mister i have an important message for miss diller from the spirit world
09:08i'm phyllis diller oh isn't he handsome
09:20what's the matter love haven't you ever seen a million dollars in diamonds before
09:24a million dollars wow i am from the famous magic mansion i bring you a message from madame zocar who
09:33talks to all the spirits hmm yes i've heard of madame zocar she has a hot line to the other world
09:42ah yes madame zocar has been in touch with the spirit of your first husband wilbur he wishes you
09:48to come to the magic mansion at once you don't say well have madame zocar tell wilbur to keep his shirt
09:55on i'll be right there we shall expect you fair lady what's going on like who was that dude i'm
10:03going to the magic mansion to talk to the spirit of my first husband and i insist that you all come
10:08along i just remembered i got an important date with somebody in pango pango a date with whom me
10:18you've got to come along you'll love wilbur he's really out of this world
10:28i can't wait to talk to the ghost of good old wilbur there was a man lucas he was the one who gave me
10:35all my diamonds i used to call him rocky hey magic mansion mm so what's with mm the burglar's bag we
10:45found in the library had mm on it there could be a connection right let's all keep our eyes open
10:56so this is the magic mansion creepy looking place
11:03well you see one magic mansion you've seen them all i'll wait here in the car yeah in the car
11:08back up scoob uh-uh back up old paul
11:28a tombstone underground parking
11:31well let's go in mustn't keep madame zokar waiting hope she's in good spirits it's okay i'll target
11:44where'd he go where'd he go that was just the old smoke trick
11:53phyllis diller and party open up
11:54oh no oh no i'm not going in oh no come on you'll love it there's spooks in there
12:06yeah smoke smoke and other things
12:13hmm food yeah
12:28i'm phyllis diller miss slagheap of 1953
12:30ah good evening miss diller we're looking for madame zokar the spirit lady
12:39yes indeed madame zokar is in the dreary dungeon that's just below terror terrace
12:47the dreary dungeon terror terror try it you'll like it it's the most awful room in the place
12:54just borrow the ghost
13:04come on you guys what's to be scared of that ghost is real shag you know there's no such thing as a
13:11ghost yeah i know it but does that know it
13:18i wish madame zokar lots of luck with the spirits personally i wouldn't be caught dead in this place
13:24me neither let's split ladies and gentlemen the mystic marvel of the spirit world madame zokar
13:38oh dear oh dear is this dreary dungeon uh that's where i'm supposed to be i i mean i think a dreary
13:44something or was it bleary oh anyway some kind of dungeon come in madame zokar oh i mean i mean i
13:51i was never sure this was the right dungeon i mean i'd never get lost never goodness no oh dear
13:58thank you dear boy
14:02well now where were we oh yes the spirits
14:07um i will look into the crystal ball and
14:11she fell asleep maybe it's a trance madame zokar oh oh yeah what oh yes the spirits ah the vibrations
14:28of the spirit world are coming through the ghosts are arising the ghosts are rising
14:35calling the spirit of this diller's third husband come in third husband
14:43no wrong number operator
14:46i am your third husband like i said honey that's the wrong husband the message was from wilbur he was
14:58number one oh oh dear whoops i'm sorry go back number three go back
15:06calling first husband wilbur come in wilbur i am wilbur your first husband
15:14is that really you wilbur dear yes it is i wilbur dear your first husband it's him all right
15:30isn't that a gas there's something fishy going on how's every little thing wilbur baby i'm worried
15:38about all those jewels i gave you you are yes are you sure they're in a safe place you better believe
15:47they're hidden where no one will find them good where do you keep them you can tell me well they're
15:55in the wall safe behind your picture in the living room and it can be opened only at the stroke of
16:01midnight ah excellent my dear get that fred m m on the burglars bag magic mansion now this no what
16:14now everybody in this room knows where the jewels are you're right we have to get miss diller out of
16:19here and fast miss diller miss diller nice right scooby doo where are you
16:31oh hold it kids hold it where are we running to get out of this creepy place as quickly as we can
16:42because this whole thing was a plot to find out where you keep your jewels my jewels but but it's
16:48after 11 and you said the safe could be opened at midnight i did me and my big mouth how do we get
16:55out of here i don't know there's got to be an outside door along here somewhere come on
17:01no one gets out lock everything
17:21hey this door's marked exit that means out this boy is a genius it's either locked or stuck everybody
17:28push push come on oh boy if i were just strong instead of gorgeous
17:39it's no use it's locked
17:48this one better open give me a hand somebody pull everybody one two three
17:58is it this f-u-u-u-u-n is this what you call putting on weight
18:09really this is no place for a beautiful
18:14will you find anything more alive five alive drink it now that's what i call alive ain't nothing more
18:28alive than five alive
18:34good morning dave morning jason
18:36don't be alarmed it's a non-hostile pet alien only sighted in special packs of kellogg's rice krispies
18:48there's one free in every box there are eight to collect and they've just landed
19:06so
19:11did you notice anything yeah all that fizzing and melting these skips are something else
19:18hey and it got dark with skips snacks with special effects
19:22i'm a big kid look what i can do new huggies pull-ups stop leaks better than any other training band
19:34because they have leak guards pull-ups are ideal for potty training mommy wow i'm a big kid now
19:42what's this mate suck it and see
19:48rather not that'd be taste but traces unlike this slope-tastic offer if you take a lucky stick to a
19:53lines made outlet you get a free lolly there's a million to win it's the law i'd love one of those
19:58made adds up a dobbly bubbly and pilfering pilchard far foiled by nice why not suck it and see if the
20:03next one's free i'm starving how did it go three nil who too smells good what is it
20:12a tasty blend of vegetables and cheese in a crisp crumb who won veg with edge get more food licking a
20:21stamp vegetable quarter pounders from country club cuisine vegetables you can make a man's size meal
20:26of so do i have to beat it out of you what oh yeah the fridge great i do enjoy these little chats
20:33only the tastiest vegetables pass the bird's eye
20:58call me old-fashioned but after sleeping all night i want an exciting breakfast
21:02two words for your pop tarts apple blueberry strawberry and chocolate flavor the choice
21:08alone's an eye-opener charge them up and free the fruit that aroma makes my eyes water in my mouth light
21:15up so wakey wakey party on people it's part of a complete no time wasting great tasting don't say
21:23it with your mouth full breakfast pop start your day with pop tarts
21:32you
21:35we've got to find a way out of this place i have a beauty parlor appointment in the morning
21:39and i'm too young to die
21:42now we're sure somebody wants to be sure miss diller doesn't go home before midnight
21:46when her safe can be opened now look troops the only way we can get out of here is by using our heads
21:51heads you don't mean like no dummy she meant think with our heads oh well that's different yeah hey i
22:04think i know how we can get out of here let's hear it freddie i'm game in fact i'm the gamest shag you and
22:10scooby hide in this box we'll put on those furniture movers outfits and we'll carry you out good idea
22:16they'll think you're a box of old junk great we do the riding scoop and leave the carrying to them
22:22okay you guys get in the box hey look holes in each end neat i can stick my head and feet out
22:33that'll never work but never they'll see your head and feet and they'll know it's a trick
22:38pull in your head and feet shaggy okay but it's going to be crowded with old scooby in here too
22:47quick coming i haven't seen anything so funny since my last wedding
23:00chinkies shaggy and scooby are in the magic act well there's no business like show business you know
23:07i think shaggy and scooby are in trouble now ladies and gentlemen i will perform my famous
23:12sawing a person in half trick uh-oh oh no i would like a volunteer from the audience please hey wait
23:21a minute aha we already have a volunteer i will now saw the gentleman in half hold it like i'm not a cut
23:29up we're getting so divided you take that in and i'll take this in
23:40he's sawing shaggy and scooby oh it's okay daphne it's just a trick now watch
23:48i will now slip these two boards into the box
23:53now will the gentleman in the box please put out his head and feet so the audience can see them
23:59just an optical illusion folks now will the gentleman in the box please put his head and his feet
24:16out
24:35you fellas were great just great get us out of here
24:39keep your heads and feet inside we'll roll you out like a couple of boxes
24:50look if you want to get out of this magic mansion stay in there and keep quiet okay okay but don't
24:56stand me on my head what's on the boxes part of the magic act dearie and i am the magic nespa
25:05okay move it up
25:21step on it lucas we only have 15 minutes before midnight
25:27oh lucas really took off you better keep up with them fred this thing won't go any faster can you find
25:33the way back to the castle sure all we have to do is follow this road there's nothing to stop it
25:46hey the road's blocked i wonder how that tree got there like maybe it grew there somebody put it there
25:54who would do that the same ones who were trying to keep us locked up in that magic mansion so we
26:00couldn't get back to miss dillard's castle before midnight
26:04hey like we're okay there's a detour sign follow the arrow i didn't see that before it could be a
26:11trap i think we should follow the sign yeah maybe it'll get us around the tree
26:16i don't like this spooky forest let's go back well yes which way is that i think we're going around in
26:27circles i think somebody put that sign out there on purpose to get us lost lost in the woods we're not
26:36lost we just don't know where we are
26:38we've got to find our way back to the road but how fred i know we'll ask at the next gas station
26:47what gas station we have to find our direction shaggy you get out and look at a tree
26:54moss always grows on the north side of a tree not me i'm not getting out in that creepy woods
27:01get out shaggy scooby will go with you are you chicken okay i'll get out and take a look for the
27:12moss on the tree be careful fred here's some moss that way must be north now we know the direction back to
27:25the road you sure this is the right direction it's gotta be it's better be we'll never get back to
27:37miss dillard's house before midnight like we're on water where are we we're folding fred you drove right
27:48on to a raft i couldn't see in the dark i'll just back up don't back up why not a lot of like we're
27:57in the middle of a river somebody set us adrift well now what do we do like we get a free boat ride
28:05yeah but where got to get ashore somehow hey we're coming up to a drawbridge fred it's too low
28:11we'll never get under it hey open the bridge we're coming through okay okay one open bridge coming
28:21up now which one is open it's gotta be one of them open the bridge i'm trying i'm trying you make me so
28:28nervous oh no he's blocked the whole river whoops wrong lever i wish i'd never taken this job
28:38we'll never get through if it keeps that up the bridge will sink us like i don't have my swimming
28:43trunks no it'll do stop the bridge
28:52i blew it again
28:59quick fred drive up drive up yeah just like a ramp hey we're back on the road talk about
29:07lucky yeah lucky maybe we can still get back to the stillers before midnight
29:15hurry up red hey i got a great idea what is it shag let's stop and get a hamburger yeah oh
29:23like i can't foil jewel robbers on an empty stomach just imagine you're eating a big hamburger and you'll
29:28be all right yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy oh no what's wrong and they forgot the ketchup
29:42the ketchup
29:57nobody's home there's got to be miss diller's limousine is in the driveway only 10 minutes until midnight
30:04something must have happened to miss diller and lucas you've got to get into that house like how find an
30:10open window chester call the police these are breaking into miss diller's house
30:26this place is creepier than that magic mansion stay close together
30:30boy is it dark i can't see my face in front of my hand thank you what room are we in i don't know
30:44wait a minute there are five of us right fred you and me and scooby and shaggy that's five why
30:51there's six pair of eyes there's somebody in the group besides us scooby are you there yeah all right
31:00nobody move i'll light a match what are you doing here just making a curtain call
31:11well we know he's in the house come on we've got to find miss diller
31:17miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller
31:23miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller miss diller
31:28mhm let's go
31:34now where'd they go
31:35uh oh
31:37yikes
31:46this way
31:46Hey, excuse me, have you seen a guy in two gaga?
31:55You get the kid with the two dolls.
32:02I'll get the other two.
32:08That creep with the mask is right behind us.
32:11Let's lose him.
32:13A bell rope.
32:14Up we go, Scooby.
32:16Oh, we pulled the fast one on old Creepy.
32:25He'll never find us up here.
32:42Are you okay, Scoob?
32:43Up we go.
32:44Let's split, Scoob.
32:53Each one take a basket.
33:03Come on, Scoob.
33:06Come on, Scoob.
33:08Make like a bag of laundry.
33:13You want that mask guy to catch you?
33:15Nope.
33:24Who's that?
33:25Who's that?
33:26Who said who's that?
33:27Is that you, Shaggy?
33:28Yeah.
33:29Is that you, Fred?
33:30Shh.
33:30Here they come.
33:31We can't waste no more time on those kids.
33:38Where'd you put the Dillardame?
33:44If we follow them, we'll find Miss Dillard.
33:47Everybody wrap a sheet around you.
33:49Fast.
33:50Let's go.
33:50Get off me, Scoob.
34:16Uh-oh.
34:17No one.
34:18What was that?
34:19Shh.
34:20Listen.
34:24Stop.
34:25Everybody play something.
34:27Quick.
34:31Hey, look.
34:32The Dillardame's fake ghosts play instruments.
34:35Oh, that's awful.
34:38Let's go.
34:42Come on.
34:43We've got to follow those guys.
34:47We've lost them, Fred.
34:48I'm afraid so.
34:52That's weird.
34:54Would you believe a haunted clock?
34:57Let's look.
35:00Miss Dillard.
35:01And when I walked into the house, some impetuous fool grabbed me.
35:11I swooned as a lady should.
35:13Then I woke up when the clock struck the quarter hour.
35:16On my head.
35:18Oh, wow.
35:19Where's Lucas, Miss Dillard?
35:21Who knows where that shlemiel is?
35:23Well, it's almost time for the showdown.
35:26One minute until midnight.
35:27Midnight.
35:28The witching hour.
35:28For lovely me.
35:30The bewitching hour.
35:32Quiet.
35:33Douse that candle.
35:34Would you like to hear a ghost story?
35:37Oh, please, Miss Dillard.
35:39Well, what do you say to a song dance in some snappy pattern?
35:42Shh.
35:43Quiet.
35:48Hold it right there.
35:50Sorry we interrupted your work, men.
35:52All right.
35:53Let's see who you are.
35:54Alberto, you naughty person.
35:59You are moonlighting from Magic Mansion.
36:02Yes.
36:03It would have been a clean job, too, if those kids hadn't butted in.
36:08But, but, but who called the police?
36:10The lady next door.
36:12Said she saw some kids breaking in the house.
36:14Oh, that old witch is always spying on me.
36:18Bitterly jealous, you know.
36:19Lucas, whatever happened to you?
36:22They locked me in the linen closet till the police let me out.
36:26Well, I guess that wraps up the mystery.
36:29Oh, but one thing.
36:31I want to give you a proper reward.
36:33Thank you, Miss Dillard.
36:34But no thanks.
36:35We just enjoyed spending the evening with you.
36:38Yeah, it was groovy fun.
36:43Well, now.
36:44Something I can do for you, Scooby?
36:46Poor Scoob.
36:47He's expiring.
36:48Oh, good gravy, Lucas.
36:49Call a vet at once.
36:50There isn't time.
36:51Just point us at the kitchen.
36:54Open your mouth, old buddy.
36:56For my sake, try, try.
36:58I think we got him in time.
37:09We'll be able to save him.
37:11Oh, mercy, Bone Dew.
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