00:00I think one of the greats is knowing that that peace and that happiness is probably
00:08not even going to come from getting all the things that you wanted to achieve, it's probably
00:13going to come from somewhere else.
00:22I was writing this on the Dance Viva tour and I was thinking, it was just a long poem
00:28I think about the cost of greatness, the sort of violence and brutality of it.
00:34Why do I even want it?
00:35Why am I never satisfied?
00:37There's this fear that even trying to get there somehow you'll still never be taken
00:41seriously or it'll never be good enough.
00:43It was a kind of outpouring of frustration really.
00:58So, you could sing along, oh, and with each bedraggled breath I knew I came back from the dead.
01:09To show you how it's done, to show you what it takes to conquer and to crucify, to become
01:21one of the greats, one of the greats.
01:28The first one was actually based on season six of Buffy, when she comes back from the
01:36dead.
01:37So when she's resurrected and about how when she comes back from the dead, she's kind
01:41of mad.
01:42She's like, why did you, I was in heaven like, spoilers, I'm so sorry, I was in heaven like,
01:47why did you bring me back to earth like this is hell.
01:49There's always some high spiritual concept about resurrection and the creative sacrifice
01:55and then there's a television show, that's usually how my work works.
01:59I was thinking about the cost of what I put my body through every time I tour, every time
02:04I make work, it always takes a little piece out of me, time away from family, time away
02:10from having any other life that I could have had.
02:14I just keep giving more and more to this thing I created.
02:19I kept a scream inside my chest, killed everyone I'd ever kissed, hung them on the wall like
02:25trophies.
02:26Each name a stain upon my lips, I told the truth but could never see it through.
02:32You see yourself hung on the wall, but that song is not about you.
02:36Again, it's sort of a song about sacrifice and the like, selfishness that you have to have
02:44as a songwriter or like the like, everyone is kind of like, this fuel for it, you know,
02:50you keep feeding pieces of your life and of your interactions to this thing.
02:55You know, it's like, everyone that you fall in love with kind of becomes part of this thing,
03:00everyone you have a crush on becomes part of this thing.
03:04But also the thing is, if they asked me, I'd be like, no, it's not about you.
03:08When I won the best album at the Brit Awards in 2010, I think, Lungs had come out in 2009.
03:27The next morning, I hid in a hotel closet and just wept and just like, cried and like, had the door shut.
03:34I was just like, I can't, the pressure of that moment, and then I do feel like that's given to you
03:40and then I think you spend the next 15 years trying to prove that you deserved it.
03:44You know that you deserved that one moment, like, was I good enough for that huge moment of attention?
03:57I wrestle with this kind of like, huge part of me that needs to perform, you know, that
04:06needs to kind of be out there, that it's a huge part of catharsis and how I process things
04:10and it's so like, natural for me to do.
04:13But it comes with so many other stressful things, you know?
04:17So yeah, I think that line is like, it's almost like, I'm going to show you, you know?
04:21Do you regret it?
04:22Do you regret that I'm back?
04:27So this, I kind of instantly knew was the chorus, I think, and like the melody kind of came immediately.
04:46I guess it was about this like, feminine fury and just kind of imagining like, this like,
04:53almost like horror film scene of like, an apparition, kind of like, just walking down a street
04:59in the middle of the night.
05:00My songs are incredibly visual, so I'm often seeing, I'm often just describing an image
05:05that I'm seeing.
05:06I guess in some sense, what I felt like was when you are thrust into the public gaze young,
05:27people kind of want you to lose your mind, because that's profitable for them.
05:31Like, they are waiting for you to be completely destroyed by it, I think.
05:37There is a sense that fame is something that you have to survive.
05:41I was only beautiful under the lights, only powerful there, burned out at 36, why did
05:52you dig me up for this?
05:56It's funny again with the songs, often have these prescient things.
05:59Like I did like, have a near death experience on stage and you know, was kind of brought back
06:05to life in a sense, but the songs are always like, three steps ahead of me, so I had written
06:10this already.
06:11It's interesting now, like, listening back and like, even before any of that stuff went
06:17down, I was like, oh, I was like, burned out already at 36.
06:20Like, I was already so tired.
06:22And now I'm back doing this again, like, what's wrong with me?
06:38When I first started putting records out, like the music critic sphere was so male and you
06:44sort of worry that like, that somehow even in all this work and striving, that like somehow
06:52it won't be remembered or you won't like, they've already picked their five women, you
06:57know?
06:58Like, they've already got them.
06:59In all the effort and all the amount of your life that it took, because it is feminine,
07:04because it is big and emotional, that like, it will not be taken seriously, you know?
07:14One of the greats, one of the greats, but I've really done it this time, this one is
07:21all mine, I'll be up there with the men in the tent, now the women in the hundred greatest
07:25records of all time, it must be nice to be a man, and make boring music, just because
07:32you can, no don't get me wrong, I'm a fan, you're my second favorite front man.
07:41This is the most feisty I've ever been in a song.
07:43I'm really, I'm the most unargumentative person in the world, I cannot watch an argument
07:47on television, I have to fast forward it, because I'm not a fighter, no, no.
07:53But that's the thing I like about songs and the kind of character of this song, it did
07:57allow me to say a lot of things that I hadn't said before, like, I don't know, it did give
08:01me this kind of power and fury that in my life, like, I don't know how to access, you know?
08:06And you could have me if you weren't so afraid of me, it's funny how men don't find power
08:14very sexy, so this one's for the ladies, do I drive you crazy?
08:24I wanted women to feel just, like, how grateful I am for them, and, like, thank God for them
08:30at my shows, you know, I think they will really, like, get into it with you, you know, like,
08:37they will dress up, they will dance with you, like, it made me feel so kind of safe, I think,
08:43as a performer, to explore different ways of performing.
08:46So, yeah, it was just, like, yeah, I just wanted it to be like, thank you so much.
09:04I think the nuances of femininity, people get really wrong, and that it, like, contains
09:09so much fury and rage, and, like, again, it was, like, if something is outwardly, like,
09:17feminine, and will it not be taken seriously, you know?
09:20But it's, like, I think people miss so many of the nuances of what that means, you know,
09:26of femininity.
09:39I love the outro so much, because I think it took so long to make.
09:53Yeah, I just never thought we would finish this song, or get it to a level where I was,
09:57as it says, happy, or thought it was perfect, and I actually think that we did it, so, and
10:03I, what I always want from songs is a sense of, that I am, like, I don't know, that something
10:08has opened up in me, or suddenly the world is expanding because of it, and I think we
10:12kind of achieved that feeling.
10:16It's interesting, it's, like, there's success, but there's also, like, trying to think about,
10:21like, being at peace, as well, and how you get there, you know?
10:24And I think that's kind of what I'm coming to see as, like, as greatness, you know, rather
10:30than the achievements and everything, it's, like, where can I find peace?
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