- 6 weeks ago
First broadcast 24th May 1997.
When Zola Zbzewski publishes her autobiography, her cosmetic surgeon and ex-lover is outraged by what she says about him and threatens to sue her.
Hilary Lyon - Cleo Paterson
Kika Mirylees - Zola Zbzewski
Ralf Beck - Rudi
Philip McGough - Sam Brickman
Ron Berglas - David Churchin
Rebecca Johnson - Victoria
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Nick Maloney - Stage Doorman
Michael Mellinger - Mr Schmitz (as Michael Melinger)
Caroline Quentin - Maddy Magellan
Geoffrey McGivern - Barry Opper
Nigel Planer - Shelford
Leo Dolan - Delivery Man
Shona Morris - Shelford's Wife
When Zola Zbzewski publishes her autobiography, her cosmetic surgeon and ex-lover is outraged by what she says about him and threatens to sue her.
Hilary Lyon - Cleo Paterson
Kika Mirylees - Zola Zbzewski
Ralf Beck - Rudi
Philip McGough - Sam Brickman
Ron Berglas - David Churchin
Rebecca Johnson - Victoria
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Nick Maloney - Stage Doorman
Michael Mellinger - Mr Schmitz (as Michael Melinger)
Caroline Quentin - Maddy Magellan
Geoffrey McGivern - Barry Opper
Nigel Planer - Shelford
Leo Dolan - Delivery Man
Shona Morris - Shelford's Wife
Category
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TVTranscript
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00:38Good evening, and we start with a question for all women watching in their mid-40s.
00:42How would you like to look like this?
00:44In your dreams?
00:45Well, not necessarily.
00:47If this is the kind of beauty you drool over, it's available at a price, right?
00:50Right.
00:51What you see before you is the result of ten years intense cosmetic enhancement.
00:56To redefine myself facially and physically to the point where I feel totally good about myself as a woman.
01:03And if you're a sucker for the gory details, this is the book to buy.
01:09Finding My Form by our guest this evening, Zola Zbezewski, chronicles an often blood-curdling history of facelifts, implants, tucks, bobs, dermabrasions, and liposuctions
01:21that transformed this diffident 35-year-old into a self-confessed plastic beauty in control of her life, her loves, and her career.
01:30Now, Zola, what do you say to those of us who can't see anything wrong with the way you looked before?
01:37For 30 years of my life, I knew what it was to be invisible.
01:42My first boyfriend, when I was 19, got me pregnant and walked away, leaving me emotionally shattered and with a daughter to bring up.
01:49It taught me that to achieve any kind of presence in this world, looks are everything.
01:55So, you saved up the pennies to go to a plastic surgeon, Dr David Kirchner, with whom you struck up a rather bizarre relationship.
02:04You describe him as a sad obsessive who viewed me much as a sculptor views the shapeless piece of clay he will use to fashion something of exquisite beauty.
02:16You know, it was like a fixation with him. We'd be having a romantic supper somewhere and he'd offer to drain off the excess fat from my thighs.
02:24And slowly over the years, he rebuilt me into the fantasy figure he secretly craved.
02:29Until, finally, you left him for a Swedish swimming instructor. I imagine he felt quite bitter about that.
02:37Well, you'd have to ask him that.
02:39Well, why don't we? Because he's kindly agreed to join us here this evening.
02:43Your cosmetic surgeon and former lover...
02:46Dr David Kirchner.
02:49Good evening, Dr Kirchner. Welcome. Please.
02:56What is this?
02:57Yes, first of all, let me say that having ploughed through this so-called record of our relationship, I was somewhat surprised to find it classified as biography.
03:04I'd have thought fantasy fiction came nearer the mark.
03:07Oh, here come the cheap cracks.
03:09The operations I performed were at her insistence, and she knows that.
03:12She was the one who was obsessed with this insane program of total reconstitution.
03:17What was I going to do, huh?
03:19For my sins, I loved her.
03:22You loved the woman you were turning me into.
03:24I didn't recognize the woman you were turning into.
03:26This is a sick mind, Zola.
03:28And my lawyers are going to make damn sure this never reaches any bookshelf.
03:31Okay, that's enough.
03:32My client doesn't need this.
03:34I'm going to slap seven kinds of writ on every last one of you.
03:37For defamation, misrepresentation, I'm going to...
03:39The fear has been joined by Mrs. Bajewski's manager and publicist, Mr. Sam Brinkman.
03:44I said cut it!
03:46Now, you get this scalpel-happy quack out of here.
03:50Start again or this interview is over.
03:52God help me!
03:53As I made you, I'll destroy you at any cost!
03:56And that's a promise!
04:14That god-awful man!
04:21What happened?
04:22I knew this would happen.
04:24What happened?
04:25Didn't I say he'd do everything he could to ruin me?
04:27Kirchin!
04:28Since when did he become part of the interview?
04:30The interview was fine.
04:31We re-ran it.
04:32Your mother was fine.
04:34Go out tonight.
04:35No one will know the difference.
04:37Sally!
04:38Sam Brinkman.
04:39Is he there, sweetheart?
04:40I'll be in the pool.
04:41No, I'll hold.
04:43Look.
04:44Who is he?
04:47He's nobody.
04:49Oh, I know, Perky.
04:52He's just a twisted, jealous nobody.
04:56That one-half the human race.
04:58But we don't let them get to us.
05:01Remember?
05:09Hi.
05:10Adam Klaus's dressing room, please.
05:12Adam Klaus's dressing room, the Fazil Creek.
05:13Isn't he?
05:15No, I just wondered how rehearsals went this morning with the elephant levitation.
05:18Oh, don't.
05:19You're kidding me.
05:20Well, where is it now?
05:21At this moment, under the stage, and sinking.
05:23Where is it now?
05:24At this moment, under the stage and sinking.
05:27The scissor leaf's jammed under the trap,
05:29and they can't shift it, for love, no money!
05:31They're supposed to have checked all the hydraulics
05:33before they even started on a dry run.
05:35I don't know about dry runs.
05:37It's not very dry down there at the moment.
05:40By all accounts, you've got a five-ton elephant
05:43with irritable bowel syndrome,
05:45stuck inside a metal cage,
05:47an audience coming in at seven o'clock.
05:49It's gonna take more than a can of air freshener,
05:52believe me!
05:54Tire not!
05:56And it's dry!
05:58Brilliant.
06:00How's Adam taking it?
06:02Adam's fine, actually.
06:04Walked through here a second to go laughing his head off.
06:06That'll be the drugs.
06:08I'm sorry about that.
06:10I'm sure they're all working on it.
06:12Hopefully it'll all be sorted by the time I get there.
06:14Okay then, Ted.
06:16Bye.
06:22I'm not sure!
06:24I'm sorry.
06:26It's okay!
06:28I'm sorry!
06:30It's okay.
06:32I know it's okay!
06:34I'm sorry!
06:36I'm sorry!
06:38I can't wait!
06:40I just kept an eye on it!
06:42Yeah!
06:43I mean, I'll use the smoke open now.
06:46Just to stop.
07:07Has Rudy gone?
07:10It's Thursday, it's just Tai Chi.
07:12Sounds like he dropped by later.
07:14Talks with the itinerary for next week.
07:16What time does that show go out?
07:1810.35, after the news.
07:21We'll betide them if they use so much as one second of that day.
07:27That is it.
07:28I think he's out there again.
07:30That weirdo with the video camera.
07:32They've had five reports in the last fortnight.
07:35I think I scared him away.
07:37But be careful, please.
07:40Someone could climb up that scaffolding.
07:43Fine, you know.
07:44I never thought he'd have the guts to destroy everything I've been working for.
07:49Things all sort themselves.
07:52They always do.
07:55Have a good time.
07:56Hey, how are things on the packy don't come?
08:09How are things on the packy don't come?
08:24What shouldn't I ask?
08:26Managed to get her out in one piece.
08:27No trumpeting now, anyway.
08:30Must be a good sign.
08:33What?
08:36What?
08:36Good evening, Mr. Kreek.
08:43Good evening, Mr. Kreek.
08:50I can't believe.
08:53Dead.
08:53How can she be dead?
08:55How can she be dead?
08:57Are you sure it wasn't the tranquilizer dart?
08:58Maybe she's just dozing.
09:01I don't think so, Mr. Kreek.
09:03I think it was a coronary.
09:05She was 57.
09:08It could have happened any time.
09:09A coronary?
09:10You're telling me we hired an elephant with a heart condition?
09:13I was in there the other day, feeding her a tray of ice buns.
09:16I won't lie to you, Mr. Kreek.
09:18She was overweight.
09:19You know her biggest problem?
09:23She never got enough exercise.
09:25I was always telling her.
09:28But, you know, she loved the business so much.
09:33I think it's the way she would have wanted to go.
09:37Trapped under a stage, knee-deep in elephant dung.
09:41Bringing a little magic into our lives, Mr. Kreek.
09:47It would have made her very proud.
09:49It would have made her happy.
09:51I don't think so.
10:19and if you're a sucker for the gory details this is the book to buy
10:31finding my form by our guest this evening zola zbozhevsky chronicles an open blood-curdling
10:38history of facelifts implants tucks bulbs dermabrasions and liposuctions that transformed
10:44her from this diffident 35 year old to a self-confessed plastic
11:14well let's just say i'm making up for several years of celibacy
11:27fun but i call the shots my first boyfriend when i was pregnant and walked away leaving me emotionally
11:36shattered and with a daughter to bring it taught me to achieve any kind of presence in this world
11:41looks are everything so you see so what do you think i mean obviously we need more material but
11:51oh great great well tell me all about it tomorrow we're still on for lunch at peshi's brilliant
12:02okay buzz see you there love to jason
12:05bit of beauty then to enhance my mouth he sucked out a little fat from my behind believe me there
12:17was plenty there to choose from and implanted it in my upper lip my new breasts he always teased me
12:24he modeled on the london planetarium
12:36now let's see if it's true and our pop at the pictures season continues next with expresso bongo
12:52it's fine
13:04okay
13:06I mean, no, I don't think any publisher alive, which I am, barely, could say otherwise.
13:32The crimes themselves are colourful, consuming, with a great crusading curve to the writing.
13:38Plus, I adore this magic character you've started roping in, for consultative purposes only, obviously.
13:44I've got this theory that Jonathan Creek is himself an illusion.
13:49Just when you think you've found him, he'd drift through your fingers like smoke.
13:53It's no good, Barry. I've got to have that wardrobe. I'll just be two seconds.
14:02Barry Hopper.
14:14Well, she was. She just popped over the road to...
14:16Give me that again.
14:21Uh-huh.
14:22No, I will the minute she gets back.
14:24Yeah, for sure.
14:25Bye.
14:26Three months I've been looking for that exact wardrobe for the spare room. It's incredible.
14:31Have you heard of a woman named Zola Zborzewski?
14:34Have I? I nearly threw up watching her on the box last night, having bits of her bottom sewn into her mouth.
14:39What about her?
14:39SOS from her daughter. She's just been arrested for murder.
14:46By some miracle, we got bailed till next Friday.
14:49The rest of it's just like a complete nightmare.
14:51I mean, you're good at this, right? Finding another side to the evidence.
14:56Why pretend I had no motive to kill him?
14:59If he'd lived, he'd have sabotaged my book, wrecked all my plans for my new cosmetic surgery.
15:04More than anyone else alive, I wanted him out of the way.
15:07Yes, I wouldn't necessarily dwell on that aspect in the witness box, Miss Zborzewski.
15:12Juries are funny things.
15:14Um, you've got a bit of tissue on your bottom lip.
15:17Top lip, sorry. Top lip. I don't know why I called it that.
15:21So...
15:22Um, we're looking at two problems here, aren't we?
15:25Kirchheim was killed at 10.37.
15:28That's when the neighbour heard a gunshot, for which time, basically, you have no alibi.
15:31I was here in this house on my own.
15:35I worked through till quite late.
15:37Then I started getting ready for bed.
15:4010.30, just after.
15:42I suddenly remembered the interview I'd recorded was going out.
15:45So I watched that.
15:47Then I had a bath and I went to sleep.
15:49Mmm.
15:51Problem number two.
15:53The police found one of your earrings on Kirchheim's doorstep.
15:57They found someone's earring. It wasn't one of mine. I've never owned an earring like that.
16:02I've never seen Zola wearing that earring.
16:05Bless him, and he would know.
16:07I like to lick around them with my tongue.
16:11Er, what's rather tricky?
16:13There were skin cells containing your DNA on the pin.
16:17Sort of suggested it have been through your ear.
16:19Well, I have no explanation for that. I'm sorry.
16:23She's innocent, for God's sake!
16:24You believe that, don't you?
16:26I mean, this is just like something seriously weird's going on here.
16:31Unless...
16:31Of course.
16:35I'm supposed to be meeting someone in town.
16:38Listen, um, leave this with me. I'll put my thinking cap on.
16:45Tell me there's a way out of all this.
16:47Somehow.
16:49It's probably a mad idea, but...
16:52What?
16:53Dr. Kirchheim performed how many operations on your mother over the years?
16:56I mean, he'd have all manner of skin tissue and cell samples filed away at that clinic of his, right?
17:02I don't know.
17:04Just maybe someone who was very clever could have used that to their advantage.
17:09To set her up for murder.
17:14I'll be in touch.
17:14I'll be in touch.
17:44I'll be involved, aren't you?
17:45Hi.
17:45Hi.
17:46Hi.
17:47What are you doing here?
17:49We're right next door with the show.
17:51Of course you are.
17:53Of course.
17:54How's it going?
17:56Oh, er, we've had a few hiccups this week.
17:57Right. One or two. That's all the news.
17:58Anyway, I was just about to...
17:59I'm shocked.
18:00Sorry, erm, this is...
18:01Pleased to meet you. Jonathan Creek.
18:02Madeline's a little shy because, er, shall I tell him? The two of us are on a blind date. Get out of here. I placed an advertisement in one of those contact columns. Madeline replied. And here we are. Testing the water out of here.
18:15To see if we want to get into bed together. Not literally, I hasten to add. That's just a term we use in corporate management. Though, speaking for myself, I have to say, one of Cupid's arrows has definitely found its mark.
18:30So... Anyway, I expect I'll be seeing you around. Unless you guys fancy a bite to eat. I'm starving.
18:37Not really. I'd rather just be going to sleep.
18:38Oh, I say? What a great idea.
18:41Think I'm going to risk the home a day?
18:43To see if we want to get into bed together?
18:45To see if you want to get into bed together?
18:47Not literally, I hasten to add. That's just a term we use in corporate management.
18:50Though, speaking for myself, I have to say, one of Cupid's arrows has definitely found its mark.
18:54So...
18:55Anyway, I expect I'll be seeing you around.
18:56Unless you guys fancy a bite to eat.
18:57I'm starving.
18:58I think I'm going to risk the homemade vegetable as hell, aren't you?
19:02Sounds good to me, Jonathan. I'm on for that.
19:06First of all, I need to pay a visit to the little boys' room.
19:12Eh?
19:20You are really enjoying this, aren't you, watching me squirm?
19:25To a large extent.
19:26Where is it, then?
19:29What?
19:30The ten-year-old photo they sent you, before he ballooned up to 15 stone and started molting.
19:36You've really got a love.
19:39Do you think I'm so shallow?
19:40I'd only agree to meet someone if I had proof that they were young and good-looking.
19:45I find that amazingly offensive.
19:48Can I see it?
19:54Frightening.
19:54You know, this could be unique.
19:57A rare example of the passport syndrome in reverse.
20:01Oh, um, two lasagnos, please.
20:04I don't know what I want.
20:07I'm not even hungry.
20:10A drop of chilli will do me with some rice.
20:13A spot of salad.
20:15Some garlic bread.
20:16A jacket potato.
20:17Oh, and some crisps.
20:21Anyway, what's the SP on Zola Zbyshevsky?
20:24Think she did it?
20:25Oh, what is this now?
20:28I'm not mind-reading.
20:29I can't cope with it.
20:32The case is in the papers.
20:33Her book's in your bag.
20:34I wasn't trying to be clever.
20:35It's early days, but it doesn't look good.
20:42Police found an earring outside the victim's door, in which they found traces of Zola's skin cell tissue.
20:48She swears blind is not one of her collection.
20:50Someone could have doctored it.
20:52Using genetic material courage and had on fire.
20:54Yes, I had managed to work that out for myself.
20:59Any obvious candidates?
21:01Daughter seems devoted enough.
21:03Boyfriends like Judas Iscariot with highlights.
21:05I don't know what planet he's on.
21:07I haven't met our manager yet, Mr Brickman.
21:10He'd be glad to see the back of Kirchheim, certainly, but he'd hardly want to frame his own client for murder.
21:14Tricky.
21:16Yes, but I'll get there, so don't go worrying yourself.
21:20It's not my fault, all this.
21:21Come on.
21:22What?
21:22But this plan of yours to make me insanely jealous by turning up here tonight with some stunning hunk
21:27has all gone horribly wrong, thanks to the bastard son of Forrest Gump in there.
21:32You must have known it was a risk.
21:34It's the most unbelievably arrogant, egotistical thing I've...
21:37That was unfortunate.
21:39I completely misjudged the water pressure on those taps, and of course it went everywhere.
21:45Fortunately, it's not urine, so it won't stain.
21:48Excuse me.
21:52Forgive the mess.
22:04I'm just having a new front put on.
22:06Old habits die hard.
22:07Sam and I were just talking things through.
22:09Did you have any breakfast yet?
22:10Um, no, I haven't yet.
22:14Intriguing theory.
22:15Is it possible?
22:17Somebody could have broken into his clinic to get hold of this, uh, what do you call it,
22:21cell tissue of Zola's.
22:23Somehow applied it to the pin on the earring.
22:26It's a bit lumpy as an explanation, I'll admit, but...
22:29Who would go to all that trouble?
22:31Someone we can only assume who wants you put away for murder.
22:34One or two of the more militant feminists have been in touch over the past few weeks.
22:39They weren't very nice people.
22:42But why not go straight for Zola?
22:45Why kill Kircheng?
22:46I don't see the logic.
22:50I'll have to be elsewhere.
22:51Keep me posted on any developments, okay?
22:56Don't let's hope we'll get there.
23:02Is Victoria around this morning?
23:04A couple more things I wanted to ask about what she saw that night.
23:07She's around?
23:09I'm not sure that she's up yet.
23:11Let me just check.
23:21Sweetheart?
23:34Nothing shocks you, does it?
23:36My daughter and I have a policy of share and share alike.
23:40Frankly, it's no different to lending her my car for the weekend.
23:42How do you know it's not serious?
23:44I mean, there could be a motive here for your Swedish swimming instru...
23:46Swedish swim...
23:48Couldn't you have picked a Danish one? It's easier to say.
23:51Rudy's talents extend to two things.
23:54Fornication and the backstroke.
23:56It's inconceivable to me that he...
23:58What?
24:00What is it?
24:01That pervert who's been around here making home movies the past couple of weeks.
24:06The police have never managed to grab him.
24:08Look, careful, there may be prints.
24:10I said he was out there before I left for the party.
24:22This is Thursday, look.
24:24The date on your desk, the 6th.
24:25Well, he's certainly got his money's worth, didn't he?
24:49You're right. That's where I realised the show started.
25:00Can you believe some sad specimen goes out at night taking these pictures?
25:04He wants his whammer shutting in a door.
25:06Actually, I'd give him a medal.
25:33Forget the floor show.
25:39Look at the TV.
25:40The programmes that were on each channel.
25:44Don't you see what this is?
25:47This is proof.
25:49You were at home Thursday night.
25:53Zola.
25:55This is your alibi.
25:56Goodbye.
25:58Thank you, God, madam.
25:59We'll be in touch as soon as we hear anything.
26:03Well, that should give him something to think about.
26:05And just for when it accidentally gets raffled off at the police ball,
26:08we've got our own copies as backup.
26:10I think that covers every eventuality.
26:13Yeah.
26:13Don't go without yours.
26:14Thank you for everything.
26:20It's all part of the service.
26:24Of course, this still doesn't tell us who killed David.
26:27Anne tried to put Mum inside.
26:30No.
26:33But it's a start.
26:34Jonathan Crete.
26:53Oh, sorry.
26:55Sorry.
26:56I'm looking at the wrong number here.
26:59What am I like?
27:00I wanted creative hairstyling.
27:03You were probably in the middle of something really important.
27:06Killing an elephant or something.
27:08Yes, thank you.
27:09I'm getting enough grief from Adam, so don't you start.
27:12She was just very old.
27:13It wasn't my fault.
27:14What was I supposed to do?
27:15I asked to see her bus pass.
27:17Check whether she puts her tusks in a glass of water at night.
27:20Anyway, how are you getting on with a human Barbie doll?
27:23I had a couple of thoughts, actually.
27:25I don't know if you want to meet up at all, maybe toss a few things away.
27:27You're talking about Zoe Spaszewski?
27:29That it's all tied up, actually, with the big ribbon.
27:34Yeah, I've managed to establish a watertight alibi,
27:37which we're expecting to lead to a complete retraction of charges.
27:40But thanks anyway.
27:41I know you meant well.
27:43Got to dash.
27:44Bye.
27:44I'm not in.
27:59I'm not in.
28:00I'm not in.
28:00Yeah?
28:16Got a wardrobe for Magellan.
28:17Oh, great.
28:18I'll be right down.
28:19Thanks.
28:20Hi.
28:22I'll just, er, give it the quick once-over before we start.
28:26All right.
28:28Yes.
28:29Brilliant.
28:30I love it.
28:32Okay.
28:32Just sign there, please, love.
28:33Mm-hmm.
28:34I'm afraid I, er, live on the top floor and it won't fit in the lift, which is a bit unfortunate.
28:39Unfortunate is a right word.
28:44Erm, can you hang on for us a sec, darling?
28:46Mm-hmm.
28:59You bastards!
29:00You complete bastards!
29:01I can't believe you did that!
29:05Morning!
29:06Is this a coincidence?
29:10One of our biggest clients is just round the corner.
29:14Can I be of any help at all?
29:25No problem.
29:28Very little.
29:36Oh, thank you very much.
29:51Thank you very much.
29:55Thank you very much.
30:21Right.
30:23In here, then, would be lovely.
30:25Yeah, erm, just try not to scratch it, if you can help.
30:34Ow!
30:43That's it.
30:44And I think, probably, uh-huh, just against this war, for now.
30:56Oh.
30:57What can I say?
30:59You're a trooper.
31:00I've got, uh, an appointment at 12.
31:11Have you?
31:12You look lively, then.
31:14Yes.
31:16So, you'll, uh, give me a ring, maybe?
31:22Hmm?
31:22Yes.
31:25Definitely.
31:27Thanks ever so much.
31:31Sorry.
31:33Bye, Maddie.
31:36Bye.
31:36Bye.
31:36I don't care if he is arranging an elephant's funeral.
32:04I'll just find him and tell him to get his arse round here now.
32:14So, let's run through this from the top.
32:17The wardrobe is empty.
32:19You close the door.
32:22Brought it upstairs.
32:25Through this door.
32:26Along here.
32:42Around here.
32:49And into this room.
32:51Okay, it's that wall.
32:56By which time, somehow or other, the cupboard has acquired a body.
33:03Brutally battered to death across the back of her head.
33:08Hmm.
33:12It's a good one, isn't it?
33:13A good one.
33:17Is that all you can say?
33:19Somewhere between here and the ground, someone's planted a corpse in my cupboard,
33:23and I didn't even see it happen.
33:24What is going on?
33:26The coppers think I'm mental.
33:27They're probably right.
33:28The whole thing's seriously impossible.
33:36What, a foreigner?
33:38Fourth.
33:38And there are eight flights of stairs.
33:40Anyone else come near you at any point on the way?
33:47Mrs Barnstable, next floor down.
33:50Brought out a couple of glasses of lemonade.
33:52Otherwise...
33:53Not Mrs Barnstable, the celebrated lemonade doper.
33:57With her well-known ploy of switching cabinets under the victim of mine.
34:01Zola Spaziewski is dead.
34:04First someone tries to frame her for murder, and when that fails,
34:07they make sure of the job with a blunt instrument
34:08and dump the body on my doorstep, presumably to try and rattle me.
34:12And if the best you can do is make glib remarks,
34:15you can just go home now!
34:16Now!
34:33Jonathan?
34:34Nope.
34:41All seems pucker.
34:45No panels, no breakaways, no fangent joints.
34:50Just a wardrobe, really.
34:54So...
34:54Do you want to know how it was done?
34:58Yes.
35:00That makes two of us.
35:01Do you want to know how it was done?
35:02Yes.
35:03Yes.
35:04Do you want to know how it was done?
35:05Yes.
35:06Do you want to know how it was done?
35:07Do you want to know how it was done?
35:08Do you want to know how it was done?
35:09Do you want to know how it was done?
35:10Do you want to know how it was done?
35:11Do you want to know how it was done?
35:12Do you want to know how it was done?
35:13Do you want to know how it was done?
35:14Do you want to know how it was done?
35:15Do you want to know how it was done?
35:16Do you want to know how it was done?
35:17Do you want to know how it was done?
35:18Do you want to know how it was done?
35:19Do you want to know how it was done?
35:20Do you want to know how it was done?
35:21Oh, uh-huh.
35:52Was this window open? Can you remember?
35:56I... I don't know. Sorry.
36:21I don't know.
36:22I don't know.
36:23I don't know.
36:24I don't know.
36:25I don't know.
36:26I don't know.
36:27I don't know.
36:28I don't know.
36:29I don't know.
36:30I don't know.
36:31I don't know.
36:32I don't know.
36:33I don't know.
36:34I don't know.
36:35I don't know.
36:36I don't know.
36:37I don't know.
36:38I don't know.
36:39I don't know.
36:40I don't know.
36:41I don't know.
36:42I don't know.
36:43I don't know.
36:44I don't know.
36:45I don't know.
36:46I don't know.
36:47I don't know.
36:48I don't know.
36:49I don't know.
36:50I don't know.
36:51I don't know.
36:52So you think it all happened on the third floor landing.
36:55During the lemonade, they pushed the body in through the back of the cupboard while it
36:59was standing in front of the window.
37:01Mm-hmm.
37:02Forty feet above the ground, someone's shinned up a sheer brick wall with a body over their
37:07shoulder.
37:08All right.
37:09Then what are you saying?
37:10It's totally impossible.
37:11It can't be impossible because you saw it.
37:12I can see you.
37:13You're still impossible.
37:14What's that?
37:15Well, it's two things.
37:17Firstly, it's the head of one of Mrs. Barnstable's geraniums from her window box, which I've
37:21had lying on the ground at the back.
37:24And secondly, more importantly, it's a point on the graph.
37:30Another one.
37:33I don't know.
37:36What?
37:38It was that overflow pipe above the downstairs kitchen window, which has very recently been
37:43scratched and bent.
37:44With a few more coordinates, we can start to join them together and see where all this
37:48is...
37:49leading.
37:50I get nervous.
37:51I have to eat.
37:52It's a good combo.
37:53You never put them together as ice cream flavours.
37:56Did anything else out of the ordinary happen today?
37:57Any strange sounds or visitors?
37:58Phone calls?
37:59Suspicious people with rope ladders and large sacks on their back?
38:02Phone calls.
38:03There was a message, or rather there wasn't, on my machine, but no-one spoke.
38:04I suppose someone got a wrong number or something, possibly.
38:05Have you had any incoming calls since?
38:06No.
38:07Not incoming.
38:08No.
38:09No.
38:10No.
38:11No.
38:12No.
38:13No.
38:14No.
38:15No.
38:16No.
38:17No.
38:18No.
38:19No.
38:20No.
38:21No.
38:22No.
38:23No.
38:24No.
38:25No.
38:26So the caller's number should still be logged.
38:29If we dial 1471...
38:35No number recorded.
38:38Could have been blocked.
38:39More likely to be a mobile.
38:41Is this remotely relevant?
38:45Probably not.
38:47BELL RINGS
38:48Madeleine McGellan?
38:50Yes.
38:53What?
38:55And they're absolutely sure of the...
39:00Right. No. Thanks, Jim. I appreciate it.
39:07Police. They found a piece of iron piping outside Zola's house with her blood on it.
39:12They've also matched the pipe to some iron filings found in her head wound.
39:17That means that either someone deliberately went back there to dump the murder weapon.
39:21Or she was killed at home and then brought five miles across town here to my flat.
39:51The End
39:53The End
39:54The End
39:55The End
39:56The End
39:57The End
39:58The End
39:59The End
40:00The End
40:01The End
40:02The End
40:03The End
40:04The End
40:05The End
40:06The End
40:07The End
40:08The End
40:09The End
40:10The End
40:11The End
40:12The End
40:13The End
40:14The End
40:15Jonathan!
40:16Hmm?
40:17It's called Respect for the Dead. How many more times?
40:22Do you know, this could be another point on her graph.
40:25What's that?
40:27Do you know the difference between a tracking shot and a pan?
40:32Beg pardon?
40:33That fence in her garden all this was filmed over. How high was it?
40:38Around six foot.
40:40That tells us how tall our snooper was.
40:44Well over six feet, I suppose it'd have to be.
40:47To get these pictures and then drop the camera over the side.
40:50What's all this got to do with a body and a wardrobe?
40:55You think he was over six feet, do you? Interesting.
41:00What's that supposed to mean?
41:05Sometimes it's useful to look beyond the obvious.
41:09What rubbish are you talking now?
41:13Rubbish.
41:16Rubbish, you could have a point.
41:19Where are you off to?
41:22To investigate the clue of Mrs Barnstaple's geranium.
41:25What do you mean?
41:26A CRIME
41:35Blink
41:38US
41:49Morning.
41:58It's the bad penny again.
42:01Actually, it's my day off, so I don't know how you're fixed.
42:07Oh, I bought you some underwear.
42:10Oh, Shelford.
42:13I think you'd better come in for a sec.
42:19Look, it's not that I don't find you attractive.
42:26Oh, good.
42:26No, that's not true. It is that I don't find you attractive.
42:30With no reflection on you as a person, you're very warm and kind and generous.
42:36It's just that I can't find it in myself to want to spend another second of my life in your company.
42:41Do you understand?
42:43It could never work, not even as science fiction.
42:46You and me are a total no-no.
42:53Still, it's early days, isn't it?
42:55And from little acorns, mighty oaks do grow.
42:59Oh, God.
43:02And the other thing is, I'm already sleeping with Jonathan.
43:06Where have you been?
43:09You love rocket, come here and give me your tongue.
43:13I'll, then, see myself out, then, shall I?
43:28What in hell do you smell of?
43:49Two-week-old halibut.
43:55Rotting chop suey.
43:59I had to do that.
44:01It was the only way I was going to get through to him.
44:04Well, it seems work.
44:05God, I need a bath.
44:18What were you rummaging around down there for?
44:20Well, it seems like it was the only way I could tell you.
44:39Go ahead.
44:39At least we now know who murdered David Kirchhen.
44:46And I think it goes a long way to explaining the miracle on the stairs.
45:09Is there anything at all I can...
45:24Sam!
45:39I... I hope you don't mind. My friend, Jonathan, has been helping me with this story.
45:57In fact, it's down to him that we've finally got to the truth.
46:01You mean you know?
46:03Victoria, I don't think we should be talking to reporters about something as sensitive as...
46:07You've brought her in on all this to try and help Mum, which she did.
46:10So we can just listen to what she's got to say, OK?
46:14What are they?
46:17Two videos which, between them, tell the whole story.
46:22Although, before we look at them, Mr Brickman,
46:24I wonder if you could tell us what the number is on your mobile phone?
46:28What's that got to do with anything?
46:30It's a simple enough question.
46:320850 078 674.
46:38Interesting.
46:39What is this?
46:40Why did you ring my flat yesterday without leaving a message?
46:43I never rang your flat. Why would I want to ring your flat?
46:46So how come when we dialed 1471 to see if any calls had been logged,
46:51it was your number we wrote down?
46:53You rang me at 11.45, the same moment the wardrobe arrived,
46:56because you wanted to make sure there was no one at home.
47:02You...
47:04...kills my mother.
47:07You killed her!
47:08You killed her!
47:09You killed her!
47:10I loved her!
47:11You killed her!
47:12I loved her!
47:16I loved her.
47:20Like every other man who ever met her.
47:24God save us all.
47:28You loved her.
47:30And that's why you filmed her, isn't it, Mr Brickman?
47:34On this tape.
47:35May I?
47:55This isn't real!
47:57We talked about the fence being six feet high.
48:00You saw a very tall man looking over the top.
48:04Well, I saw a short man standing on a box.
48:08It's all to do with the movement of the camera.
48:12A tall man standing on the ground would have walked along the fence at this point
48:16to follow her from room to room.
48:19While a man standing on a box just swivels the camera to keep her in frame.
48:25A subtle distinction, fairly meaningless in itself.
48:28Until we come to this.
48:32Until we come to this.
48:33It taught me that if you were to achieve any kind of presence in this world...
48:34It's the same thing we just saw on there.
48:35On the TV's all I was watching.
48:36Not half a day.
48:37It's the same thing we just saw on there.
48:38On the TV's all I was watching.
48:39Not half a day.
48:40It's the same thing we just saw on there.
48:41On the TV's all I was watching.
48:42Not hard, was it?
48:43To whack it all together.
48:44Porridge and summer holiday both available at the local video shop.
48:45And the news night time.
48:46It's the same thing we just saw on there.
48:47It's the same thing we just saw on there.
48:49On the TV's all I was watching.
48:50Not hard, was it?
48:51To whack it all together.
48:52Porridge and summer holiday both available at the local video shop.
48:57And the news night titles you just taped the following night.
49:00Of course, Zola's interview.
49:01You recorded off air.
49:02It's the same thing we just saw on there.
49:03It's the same thing we just saw on there.
49:04It's the same thing we just saw on there.
49:05It's the same thing we just saw on there.
49:06On the TV's all I was watching.
49:07Of course, Zola's interview, you recorded off air anyway.
49:22In other words, everything we just saw was a fake.
49:26She knew you were filming her with a camcorder
49:29because that's exactly what you'd arranged.
49:32When she pointed the remote at the set,
49:35she wasn't watching live television at all she was switching on the video to
49:41play this tape no because when you filmed her it wasn't Thursday night it
49:46was Friday night because she wasn't even here on Thursday night this is all lies
49:49that's the night she went out to murder David Kirchheim
49:55she rang me soon afterwards when she realized about the earring she had no
50:10alibi she started to panic I had the idea of the peeping Tom if we could make it
50:20look as if someone had caught her on camera that night it might see her in
50:26the clear so I was brought here as an impartial witness to be present when the
50:31tape was accidentally found in the garden and for a few hours that put the lid on
50:38it till we realized you've gone away with the wrong cassette yes I think to leave
50:42your specially edited tape lying about the house was pretty careless wasn't it so
50:47Victoria could give it to me by mistake to take home
50:55we knew you'd realize soon as you saw it it's made to get it back fast next
51:02morning I picked her up we drove over to your place
51:04I rang to make sure there was no one in there yes got the machine so we assumed we were safe
51:15Zola went round the back to look for a way and he told me to sit tight in the calm way
51:22the next day
51:25over to your door
51:26that uh
51:28my
51:29white
51:31blue
51:32blue
51:35blue
51:36blue
51:38blue
51:40blue
51:40blue
51:41Come on.
52:11That was it.
52:24God knows how long I sat there.
52:28Then I heard sirens.
52:31So I knew something was wrong.
52:33But I didn't know what.
52:35In the end...
52:37I panicked and drove away.
52:44But I think we can make an educated guess about what happened.
52:50Once Olin's inside, it doesn't take her long to dig out the VHS.
52:54But she switches for the one you were meant to have taken.
52:56But then, just as she's about to leave, it all goes wrong.
53:07Instinctively, she hides in the spare bedroom and gets rid of the evidence.
53:10On its way to the dustbin to decapitate the geranium from the next floor's window box.
53:17She probably thinks she's in the room you're least likely to go into.
53:21But by a cruel twist of fate, it's the one you do go into.
53:25Reflex action, she gets behind the door.
53:27What's she going to do?
53:28She's cornered and she's frightened.
53:29But something else is happening to her as well.
53:33When they found her body,
53:34with a heavy dent in the back of her head,
53:38it was natural to assume she'd been deliberately bludgeoned to death.
53:43None of us considered the real explanation.
53:46When I first arrived to pick her up,
53:49she's coming out of the house.
53:50Yes.
53:59Why?
54:12It knocked her for six.
54:15I sat her down.
54:17I asked her if she wanted a doctor, an ambulance.
54:21But after ten minutes, she just seemed to snap out of it.
54:27Said she was fine.
54:27And we weren't to lose any time getting this tape back.
54:33Of course, she wasn't fine.
54:36The concussion was already fatal.
54:39Her burst blood vessel in the brain
54:40that didn't start to kick in until she got to the flat.
54:45She was feeling groggy.
54:47She was about to be found out.
54:49What were her options?
54:51There was still an outside chance that wardrobe might be pushed into place
54:54and not immediately opened.
54:55But she could lie low and slip out later on when no-one was about.
55:04That's it.
55:05Well done.
55:06Seconds after she's inside,
55:08she suffers a fatal hemorrhage.
55:10Just against us.
55:11So when Maddie opened the doors...
55:13All she found was a dead body.
55:17I suppose some people might call that justice.
55:31But I...
55:33Hang on a minute.
55:38That 1471 number doesn't store mobiles.
55:47You couldn't possibly have got my number that way.
55:51I didn't.
55:52I wrote it down when she read it out.
55:56A little bit of graphite under the thumbnail.
56:00It's as old as the hills.
56:03Sorry about that.
56:04You okay?
56:21I shouldn't have gone.
56:23I'm not good at funerals at the best of times.
56:27It's so upsetting.
56:28My God.
56:31I couldn't believe it when they dropped the coffin right outside the church.
56:35No.
56:36When it broke open and her trunk fell out.
56:39It's just so undignified.
56:43I thought they were never going to get the cables repaired on that crane.
56:46You know, Adam, you never does anything by halves.
56:49I think we could have done without the ten circus elephants trumpeting the last post at the crematorium.
56:53Oh, no.
56:54It's certainly more like a traffic jam.
57:06Oh!
57:08I'm not a violent lady, Miss Magellan.
57:11But I'm also not so pig ignorant that I can't see how you've been trying to steal my husband.
57:17So I'm giving you fair warning.
57:18Keep your lecherous claws off him and your nose out of our marriage, or next time you won't have a nose left.
57:33You know, it's funny.
57:37But the humour of this completely escapes me.
57:40Actually, I had noticed a pale line around his finger as if he normally wore a wedding ring.
57:49I'm just going to stick my head down a toilet, shall I?
57:52Make sure you flush it.
57:53Make sure you're out.
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