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00:00It's the Gold Show!
00:09And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's your host and the star of our show, Mr. Chuck Barrett!
00:30Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
00:47Here comes the Baza'i Land Quince Pets.
00:51Do it!
00:55Yes, I would.
00:56I'm going every day.
00:58Every day.
00:59There's something all around them loaves on the ground.
01:02Luba-duba-duba, just loaves on the ground.
01:04Any tune I found?
01:05God's symbols on his fingers made the noise.
01:07Guess what these are?
01:08What?
01:09Beautiful.
01:10Magical.
01:11Beautiful.
01:12You can't like it too right through the knees, a random pair of DVDs at Coney Island,
01:14we'll spread around the lane.
01:15Let's hear it, Ralph!
01:16What?
01:32What?!
01:32Oh, oh, oh, oh.
04:02We'll be appearing in a controversial film about a sexy crockpot called Deep Dish, Juicy
04:08J.P. Morgan.
04:10What do I think?
04:20Anybody who plays banjo and doubles hand, it's a 10.
04:2430, way to go, way to go, way to go, 30 points, good, cry-by, good, good, good, good old cry-by winner.
04:34Ladies and gentlemen, here it comes, here it comes, good group.
04:42Here comes Kyle Sittard.
04:44Hey, free of mine, hey, free of mine, wish for the sky.
05:01Hey, free of mine.
05:03Hey, free of mine.
05:07Hey, free of mine.
05:08Hey, free of mine.
05:09Hey, free of mine.
05:13Check out your mind.
05:15Hey, free of mine.
05:27Hey, free of mine.
05:31Check out your mind.
05:52Hey, free of mine.
06:22Oh, you watched it yet.
06:27Made.
06:28They are double O-S.
06:30All right.
06:3130 points.
06:32Way to go.
06:33Thank you very much.
06:35Good to go.
06:36Good to go.
06:38Ladies and gentlemen, this next girl may not be the most exciting act you've ever seen,
06:43but she does have something no one will ever take away from her.
06:48Short teeth.
06:50Ladies and gentlemen.
06:51Hey, Maeve.
06:53I love Mabel King.
06:55I'm kind of fond of juice.
06:57Right through a mean old thing.
06:59Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Barbara Mauer.
07:02The wind blows, as free as the breeze goes.
07:15One way to follow in your heart
07:21This wind is around you
07:29The wind will start you
07:34Each time in the wind will fall
07:45No, no, no, I'm sorry, that's not enough time
07:51You weren't given a fair chance
07:53You must sing more of this lilting music
07:55Where were we?
07:57Take it right from there
07:59No, right in the middle, where were you?
08:01And...
08:15How did you do that, Mabel, twice?
08:21Because I'm the Wicked Witch of the West
08:23And I can do what I want
08:25You're right, I mean, you speak the truth, mate
08:35Folks moving right along, our next performers are an Indian lounge act
08:39They used to sing little old songs like...
08:41Walking my Papoose back home
08:47Here's...
08:49Oh...
08:50Oh, this is a class act
08:51Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Jay Longco
08:55Hiya!
09:01Hiya, hiya, hiya, hiya, hiya
09:07My heart soles like hulk, you know
09:11Right now I'm gonna do a little dance
09:13I'm gonna make a little love
09:14I'm gonna get down tonight
09:16Ladies and gentlemen, on the Talking Tom Toms
09:20My old boss, the moccasins on the other foot now
09:23Mr. Whitey Walker
09:29Ready?
09:30Get it!
09:31Let's hope I don't really make it rain
09:35Soon it's gonna rain, I can see it
09:37Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell
09:39Soon it's gonna rain, what are we gonna do?
09:44Soon it's gonna rain, I can see it
09:47Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell
09:49Soon it's gonna rain, what are we gonna do with you?
10:06Then we'll let it rain, we'll not feel it
10:09Then we'll let it rain, rain tell me
10:12And we'll not complain, if it never stops at all
10:16Yeah!
10:17Thank you!
10:18Good singing, good singing, Jay Longfell
10:19Good singing, Jay Longfell
10:20Good singing, Jay Longfell
10:21Come on, down here, great, great act!
10:22Juice, what do you think of Jay Longfell?
10:23Just sensational, right off the streets of New York
10:24There you go!
10:25Ten, ten, Jay!
10:26Nable King?
10:27Hey, that was fine, I gave him a nine
10:29All right!
10:30Good, Rex Reed!
10:31I think this is a great, great act for cigar stores
10:34Oh my, that gives you a fascinating
10:36Good acting!
10:37Good acting!
10:38Good acting!
10:39Good acting!
10:40Good acting!
10:41Good acting!
10:42Good acting!
10:43Good acting!
10:44Good acting!
10:45Good acting!
10:46I think this is a great, great act for cigar stores
10:49Good acting!
10:50Good acting!
10:51Good acting!
10:52Good acting!
10:53Good acting!
10:54Good acting!
10:55Good acting!
10:56We'll be back for a workshop!
10:59Right after this country, this is my job!
11:03Good acting!
11:05Yes!
11:06Good acting!
11:07Good acting!
11:08Nice!
11:09Is that great to hear you?
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11:40One, use one in the kitchen, one in the bag.
11:42Now back to Chuck Ferris and the Gong Show.
11:53Don't stop the old Gong Show, folks.
11:56Here comes an act.
11:58Here comes an act, and if Motown doesn't sign this act up,
12:01they're missing something real special.
12:04Here comes a hairdresser plus arms.
12:07Yeah, good.
12:12Here comes an act.
12:14Here comes an act.
12:15Here comes an act.
12:19Here comes an act.
12:24Oh, he's gone.
12:25Before my eyes was the promise of paradise
12:30Is he here, can't he miss, is he a dream?
12:34If you know what I mean, cause he would feel that enough
12:38Like that, doing good stuff like that
12:43I can't tell you what I saw
12:48Made you wonder what the kids along
12:51Made you wonder what the kids along
12:57Made you feel like you would feel like that
13:01Made you feel like you would feel like that
13:05I'm one captain
13:08While they're hitting up the magic room
13:12Pulling that magic room
13:15To change up a bridge to school
13:19Although I'm still in my knees
13:22I did not want to be
13:25I...
13:27I...
13:29Is that a group?
13:33Is that a group?
13:35Come on down here girls, bask in the limelight of your success
13:40Mabel, what do you think of this wonderful group?
13:43Well now, I gave them the seven
13:45This is a European seven right here
13:46And they should go to France for that
13:49All right at seven, how about that?
13:51You are overjoyed
13:52Wait, you haven't been rexed yet
13:54Wait a second, rex
13:55What do you think of the hairdressers?
13:57They should go to France anyway
13:59Oh, you're flipping
14:01Five
14:02He flips
14:03He flips
14:04Juice
14:05All right
14:06Yes
14:08All right
14:09There you go
14:10Seven
14:11Eight or seven
14:12All right
14:13Oh, 19 points
14:15A quasi good score
14:17Oh
14:18They're good old hairdressers
14:19They look good
14:20Ladies and gentlemen
14:21Here comes an act that has some social conscience to it
14:25Oh, I'm so excited
14:27Ladies and gentlemen, here comes the inspectors
14:30A film by the United States Department of Agriculture
14:43Beef
14:44It's a long way from the great western grazing plains to the Chicago slaughterhouses
14:51Every year, tens of thousands of these animals are thoroughly inspected under the auspices of the United States Department of Agriculture
15:01Good meat begins with good breeding
15:05Careful mating is no easy task
15:08The animals must be carefully separated according to sex and breed
15:13Here, under the watchful eyes of a government inspector, a black angus and a guernsey bull are mated
15:19Newly arrived turds are then carefully checked for tuberculosis, hypoglycemia, schizophrenia and psoriasis
15:34Once passing inspections, the animals are gently coaxed into the slaughterhouse proper
15:40Beef
15:44You know your family's safe
15:46Because your United States Department of Agriculture cares
15:59Hear them yelling bravo
16:01It's so wonderful
16:02Rex, what do you think of the inspectors?
16:04Arthur!
16:05Rex?
16:06Oh, what do I think?
16:07I think what they just did is outlawed in 33 states
16:14I say if you can please a crowd, you can please me
16:22You bet
16:23Another age
16:24Solid age
16:25Maeve
16:26I wish I knew what all that was about, darling
16:28I got five
16:30Oh, that gives you a total of 21
16:32Good
16:33Not bad at all
16:39Alright, oh, see that?
16:41That was great
16:42Alright, now
16:43Here comes artistry folks
16:45Because here comes a musician
16:47A musician's musician
16:48Here comes Mary Kay Kirshner
16:50Thank you
16:51Thank you
17:20When those stage hands don't like an act, there's really nothing you can do about it
17:43Okay, ladies and gentlemen
17:45Here they are
17:46Diana and Ross
17:48I've got to go
17:50Water blow
17:51I've got to go
17:52Water blow
17:53I've got to go
17:54Water blow
17:55I've got to go
17:56Water blow
17:57I've got to go
17:58I've got to go
17:59I've got to go
18:00I've got to go
18:01I've got to go
18:02Water blow
18:03I've got to go
18:04I've got to go
18:05I've got to go
18:06I've got to go
18:07I've got to go
18:08I've got to go
18:09I've got to go
18:10I've got to go
18:11I've got to go
18:12I've got to go
18:13I've got to go
18:14Water blow
18:15I've got to go
18:16Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
18:46Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
19:16Oh, man, good score.
19:18Made.
19:19Hey, they're out of sight.
19:20Another nine, there's a nine.
19:21That's the roof.
19:22Anybody who makes it on this show who's ever even heard of Count Basie's jumping at the
19:27woodside gets a ten from me.
19:29Hang on for it.
19:32All right.
19:35Yeah.
19:36All right, now let's see who's next.
19:38Oh, that's my face.
19:44There's Gene, Gene, the dancing machine.
19:48Runners-up receive Rub-It, the dynamic sculpture code.
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20:40Here's Chuck and the Gong Show.
20:46Oh, hello.
20:48Ah, this is the moment we've been waiting for.
20:51We have a tie.
20:5230 points for Tows to tie and 30 points for the Quasiland Quintet.
20:57The celebrities decided the winner, and the winner is the Quasiland Quintet.
21:06And there we go.
21:07This is Sophie.
21:09Hey, a check for 716-32.
21:12That was a heck of a show.
21:14And thank you all.
21:16It was a pleasure to have you on the show.
21:18Thank you, Bill, for love, the mail, and a thumb.
21:20Thank you, Jimmy Alper.
21:22Naval King, Rick Green, and J.P. Marcon.
21:27It's been a pleasure to have business with you, folks.
21:30By the old Nuremberg Jewelry.
21:32Della Bella, where we are.
21:34And Redhead.
21:36And Redrow and Wendy.
21:38Goodbye, y'all.
21:42To audition for the Gong Show, call area code 213-466-9153.
21:51All right, you cartoon crazies.
21:53We're fueled up and ready to go.
21:55And we're saving a seat just for you on USA's Cartoon Express.
21:59It's coming up next.
22:00All aboard.
22:01All aboard.
22:01All aboard.
22:02All aboard.
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