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Australian Story - Season 30 Episode 33 -
Dog Gone
Dog Gone
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06:31As children, all of us, at least for a time, think that our childhood is normal
06:35because that's all we know
06:37Was there a moment where you realized this isn't normal?
06:43Yes and no
06:44I think later on I realized that it wasn't
06:47but at the same time
06:48when you're living with the amount of abuse
06:52that I was going through every single day
06:54and worrying whether you're going to survive that day,
06:57due to the abuse, it does become normal.
07:02And that's the problem for anyone in a domestic violence situation,
07:06family violence, partner violence as well,
07:10especially if it happens from a very young age.
07:12You are so used to it and you're so used to living in that fear
07:17that it becomes normal for you.
07:20But I think for me, I always, in a way, I don't know why even to this day,
07:27it's that fighter in me and that self-belief.
07:29I always wanted to get out of that.
07:31And look, I'm an Aries, maybe that has something to do.
07:34Is anyone an Aries here? I don't know.
07:35Are we, like, really stubborn? Yeah, I don't know.
07:38And I fought on the court and I kind of thought,
07:40you know what, this can't be it.
07:41And I played so hard for a show, I was so proud to win.
07:46In 2000, you achieved a career highlight,
07:48which is you made it to the semi-finals of Wimbledon
07:50and you were defeated by Lindsay Davenport,
07:52one of the all-time great players.
07:55And you were not allowed back into your hotel room
07:58because your father viewed that as a failure.
08:00Was that the first time that you'd realised,
08:02oh, hang on, nothing I can do here is ever going to be good enough?
08:06Absolutely.
08:07I realised that probably even a little bit earlier, I would say.
08:10And that, in a way, for me, cemented things
08:14that left a scar on me emotionally.
08:18That is one of those things that stays with you
08:20when you reach the Wimbledon semi-finals at the age of 17
08:23and your family, your father, doesn't matter,
08:28doesn't allow you to come back home.
08:29That's how much of a disgrace you are for that person.
08:32And I had nowhere to go on top of that as well.
08:36Yeah, that's where you go.
08:37This is something that's going to leave a scar for a very long time.
08:41But at the same time, he was getting more and more violent,
08:43more and more out of control.
08:47Some of those public outbursts also started to happen at that time.
08:52I felt like my father should have been banned a lot earlier.
08:55It took literally 10 incidents for him to be banned for six months.
09:00I don't think that that kind of abuse or violence
09:04should be anywhere near sport.
09:05Like, I'm talking parents of tennis players, for example, or coaches.
09:08I've always said if that happens,
09:09they should never be able to get near a tennis court or a player again.
09:13As a child, no matter how highly you achieved,
09:16you were drilled over and over again by your father
09:18that you were useless, you were worthless,
09:20and, you know, worse things were said to you.
09:22And, of course, children internalise that kind of self-talk.
09:26That stayed with me for a very long time, actually.
09:29It's so drilled in you.
09:30That you are just not worthy of anything
09:33and that you can't do anything right.
09:35Because that's also a massive consequence of domestic violence
09:37and even mental health struggles.
09:39You lose your worth and you don't think like you're enough.
09:42And you're constantly also told that you're not.
09:44And a lot worse things
09:45because even through my biggest achievements on the court,
09:48I didn't have any self-worth.
09:50Would you welcome, from Yugoslavia, Yelena Dokic.
09:57And her opponent, from the United States of America,
10:01Lindsay Davenport.
10:01You write in your memoir, Unbreakable,
10:05that one of the worst moments of your life
10:08was when you came onto the court as a young woman
10:11when your father had removed you from Australia
10:12to play for Yugoslavia and you were booed when you walked out.
10:16It was devastating.
10:17How do you process that as an adult?
10:20That was the worst moment of my life
10:22when he changed allegiances from Australia
10:26to play for Yugoslavia 24 hours
10:29before my first round of the Australian Open
10:31on-road labour arena
10:32against the world number one, Lindsay Davenport.
10:35and to, as a 17-year-old, put me in that position
10:40and to get the booing of 15,000 people
10:45and, of course, him watching at home in a hotel
10:50while I'm going through this,
10:52I just wanted to disappear.
10:54And I felt like so much was taken away from me in that moment
11:00from me being Australian
11:01to me absolutely loving my fans
11:04and loving Australia.
11:06So it was one of the most traumatic moments,
11:09I would say, ever.
11:11I would rather take 100 years of beating
11:13than having to ever go through that moment.
11:17And today I look at that as an experience of going,
11:20that was the worst of the worst
11:22and look at where I am today.
11:24With your father's behaviour,
11:26you wrote that he took all your money
11:28from your tennis career
11:30when you left, you left with nothing.
11:33Now that he's died,
11:33are you going to get some of that money back?
11:35It's your money.
11:36No.
11:38And that's okay,
11:39even though it left me in very difficult positions a few times,
11:42including when I left home.
11:43I was literally on the street,
11:45had nowhere to go.
11:46If I didn't have tennis
11:46and the next paycheck coming in a week or two,
11:49I don't know where I would go.
11:51So in a way, I was really fortunate with that.
11:53But no, I never looked at it that way.
11:56For me,
11:58is there finance people here?
12:02They're going to say,
12:03you should have been smarter than that.
12:05I know.
12:05I know.
12:06I've heard it before.
12:07I know.
12:08Trust me, I'm a lot smarter today.
12:10You write in Unbreakable
12:12that you got to a point of thinking,
12:14does he actually love me?
12:16Because I cannot understand
12:18how a father can treat a daughter like this.
12:22Were you ever able to come to a conclusion about that
12:26and an answer to that question?
12:28Or have you been able to accept
12:29that you will never know that?
12:31No, I've come to terms actually to accept
12:35that he doesn't love me
12:37and that he never did.
12:38And I genuinely believe that.
12:40And some people might think it's maybe extreme,
12:42but I'm a firm believer
12:44that you can't do that to someone,
12:46especially a child,
12:47if you love them.
12:49And did I search for answers?
12:52Look, I tried to reconcile with my father
12:53two or three times.
12:55And this was a couple of years after I left home
12:57and I thought,
12:58look, I'm older now.
13:00Maybe he's changed.
13:02We don't even have to kind of talk about tennis
13:05or have this kind of common ground of tennis.
13:08It can just be a parent and child,
13:11father and daughter relationship.
13:13What you always kind of hope for, right?
13:15I tried.
13:16It wasn't possible.
13:17It's hard when someone's not even a little bit sorry
13:20or has any remorse.
13:21And in fact, he said he would do it all again.
13:24So I tried.
13:26And also it was always,
13:28even when I tried to reconcile,
13:29it was other things.
13:30Like it was always financial based and so on.
13:32And that's why.
13:33So you said he would do it all again.
13:34Yeah.
13:35He had no regrets.
13:36Yeah.
13:36Never sought your forgiveness.
13:37No, never.
13:38So I had to make,
13:40it was really,
13:41it was hard for me at the time
13:43because I also still had a lot of trauma.
13:45I battled anxiety, depression,
13:46PTSD and eating disorder
13:48after I almost took my own life at 22.
13:51so it was really hard
13:52but I had to make a choice at one stage
13:54and go,
13:55this is extremely toxic.
13:56It's just not healthy.
13:57There's no point of me even here and there
14:00talking to him.
14:00He's never gonna,
14:01he never picked up the phone to call me.
14:03He never wanted to see me.
14:04So I just made a cut
14:06and we were estranged for 10 years.
14:09He passed away a few months ago
14:11and it just had to be that way.
14:15Many people have difficult parents,
14:19horrible parents,
14:20abusive parents as you did
14:22and many people will have had in this room
14:24even the experience of losing a parent
14:27with whom you had a difficult,
14:28complicated relationship.
14:31What is that kind of grief like?
14:33Every single person
14:35that's had a difficult relationship with a parent,
14:38especially if it was an abusive relationship,
14:40will know it's extremely complicated.
14:43It's unique for everyone
14:44and people ask me if I hate my father
14:47and there are quite a few people
14:50that are surprised when I say I actually don't.
14:52I don't necessarily actually though
14:54forgive him or have to forgive him
14:55but here's the big thing,
14:57I do not hate him.
14:59I did a little bit go into what if,
15:02what if maybe he was different
15:04or what if I had a different parent
15:07but again just for a second
15:08because I don't like to do that,
15:10I don't like to go into the past
15:11and what ifs.
15:12It was the way that it was,
15:14he was the way that he was
15:15and it's in a way,
15:18it's as simple as that.
15:20Even if you've had an abusive parent,
15:22there's so many people
15:23that still feel very sad
15:25when their parent passes away.
15:27Some don't
15:27but for me,
15:30I kind of feel like
15:30that's the end of that chapter.
15:33That kind of felt like for me,
15:34it's the end,
15:35it's done
15:36and
15:37that's kind of it really.
15:42I was starting to feel
15:43really broken inside.
15:46When you look back
15:47and see what she did accomplish,
15:49she does it!
15:51Wow!
15:52Every time you go out there on the court,
15:54you've got to believe
15:54that you can win.
15:56Innovation!
15:56That amazing story!
15:58It's similar in life as well.
16:07That documentary about your life
16:09just won a major award.
16:11So,
16:11when you won
16:13a Logie a few months ago,
16:14you said that
16:15until quite recently,
16:16you were a timid person,
16:18you lacked confidence,
16:19you didn't have a voice.
16:21What has been key
16:22to enabling you
16:23to find your voice?
16:25To be honest with you,
16:29I think I was very fortunate,
16:31in a way lucky, I say,
16:33because for me,
16:33it happened in the form
16:34of getting an opportunity
16:36to write a book
16:37nine years ago,
16:38almost ten years ago,
16:40after I retired from tennis.
16:41If I didn't share my story,
16:43I can be 100% certain to say
16:47that I wouldn't be here today.
16:48There's no doubt about that.
16:50Sharing my story
16:51has given me
16:52the ability to find my voice,
16:54to reclaim my life,
16:55and my power
16:56and to actually from there
16:57really not be silenced
16:59for the very first time
17:00in 35 years.
17:02So,
17:02it actually saved my life
17:03being able to share my story.
17:05Does it come at a cost
17:06to you
17:07sharing it like this?
17:09It was difficult.
17:10It was draining mentally.
17:11I had to relive
17:12a lot of moments.
17:13A lot of things came up
17:14that I really buried down
17:16really deeply.
17:17And then when the book
17:18came out that day,
17:1913th of November 2017,
17:20I will never forget it.
17:22Because,
17:23and I've said it
17:24every single day since,
17:25it's the best day of my life.
17:27That was the best day of my life.
17:28And why was that?
17:30There was this massive freedom
17:32that came with that.
17:33My voice,
17:34my life,
17:35I could reclaim it.
17:37This huge weight
17:38was lifted off my shoulders
17:40that I didn't even know
17:41was there.
17:41I also got professional help
17:43for my mental health
17:44for the very first,
17:45I mean,
17:45two decades.
17:46I didn't get help
17:47before that
17:48because,
17:49again,
17:49I grew up
17:50not just in a family
17:51and culture,
17:53but also in an environment
17:54in general
17:55in the public eye
17:56where if you said
17:57you struggled
17:57with your mental health,
17:58let's be honest,
17:59even as far back
17:59as six,
18:00seven years ago,
18:00you would be labelled
18:01as crazy.
18:02And when I shared my story
18:04for the very first time,
18:05I was like,
18:05this is the time
18:06to get professional help.
18:07I shared it all.
18:08I'm free.
18:09And it saved my life.
18:11How did all of your experiences
18:12not kill
18:13your love of tennis?
18:14Maybe because I really,
18:18really loved it.
18:18I always have.
18:19I've always said it.
18:19From the very first day
18:20I hit that tennis ball,
18:22it was like the love
18:23of my life,
18:23literally.
18:24If my career
18:26wasn't cut short
18:27because of injuries
18:27and my mental health
18:28struggles at 29,
18:29I said,
18:29I would have played
18:30till 50,
18:30I swear.
18:31I would have found a way.
18:32And now I get that
18:33kind of fix
18:33from TV
18:34and commentary
18:35and being able
18:36to analyse
18:36and bring it to people
18:38for four or five months
18:39a year
18:40with all the Grand Slams
18:41and other tournaments.
18:42And I'm actually
18:43really happy
18:44with all these
18:45different fields
18:45that I'm in
18:46because I never thought
18:47I would be in them.
18:48And at first,
18:49actually,
18:49I wasn't good at it.
18:51I got every single door
18:52shut when it came
18:53to commentary
18:53and TV, actually.
18:54Everyone said no.
18:55And to be honest,
18:55I wasn't very good at it.
18:57But I went out there
18:58and I did it all.
19:00I tried it all.
19:01I really believe
19:01in hard work.
19:03That's what gets me through.
19:04So I joke around
19:06a little bit these days
19:07and say I've really
19:08switched my tennis shoes
19:09for heels
19:09because 10 years ago
19:11I wouldn't be able
19:12to do two steps
19:13in these heels.
19:14You've spoken a lot
19:15about body shaming
19:16and what you've experienced
19:18there with constant
19:19public commentary
19:20about your weight
19:21and appearance.
19:22Has calling that out
19:24publicly stopped it?
19:26I don't know whether
19:30we can ever completely
19:31stop that.
19:32That's the thing
19:33with the internet
19:33and social media.
19:34There's billions
19:35of people on it.
19:36And I always say
19:37someone's always
19:40going to be out there
19:40that's going to
19:41unfortunately write
19:42something mean
19:43and something bad.
19:44But it has certainly
19:45absolutely helped.
19:47Not just towards me
19:48but towards others.
19:49And I'm so glad
19:49I did it.
19:50So I kind of felt like
19:51with online trolling
19:52and bullying
19:53so many of us get it
19:54and body shaming as well.
19:55It was similar to abuse
19:57and domestic violence
19:58and mental health
19:58and not talking about it
20:00in our society
20:01for such a long time.
20:02I was like
20:02well that's not right.
20:03That's not the right thing to do.
20:05So I did it.
20:06I called it.
20:07It was amazing
20:07to see the response
20:08from people.
20:10Maybe if I do it
20:11someone else
20:12will then have
20:13the courage to do too.
20:14If there's two of us
20:15doing it
20:16then there'll be four
20:17then there'll be eight
20:18then there'll be 15.
20:19That is how we do it.
20:21The way that you take
20:22power away
20:23from any kind of
20:24I say bad thing
20:25in the world
20:26bullies
20:26trolls
20:27violence
20:28abuse
20:29anything
20:29is by speaking up
20:32not by being quiet.
20:33As soon as we speak up
20:34we take that power
20:36away from them.
20:41On your social media
20:42recently
20:43you've shared
20:44a couple of posts
20:45that you have found
20:46new love.
20:47Is there anything
20:47you can tell us
20:48about that?
20:49Oh you really want
20:50to know everything.
20:52I'm a very big
20:53sticky beak.
20:55Yes.
20:55I think
20:56look I'm an open book
20:57I share everything
20:59and that's the whole
21:00point of me
21:01being who I am.
21:02Of course you still
21:03keep some parts
21:05private
21:05but I went through
21:06a 19 year relationship
21:08with my ex-partner
21:09he was
21:10incredible
21:12in being there
21:13for me
21:13we went through
21:14a lot together
21:15at the same time
21:16though it came to
21:17an end
21:17and we kind of
21:18grew apart
21:18and that's life
21:20we were together
21:21since we were
21:2220, 21
21:23so in a way
21:24it was a bit of a test
21:26and I had to deal
21:26with that
21:27and yeah
21:27I was alone
21:28for four years
21:29four years on
21:29accidental meeting
21:30and yeah
21:32someone new
21:33came into my life
21:34it's still new
21:36it's only kind of
21:38been really this year
21:39but it's amazing
21:41because it's someone
21:42that I never thought
21:43someone like that
21:45would walk into
21:45my life again
21:46he's amazing
21:47and I know
21:47might sound
21:48like a cliche
21:48but when you say
21:49someone just comes
21:51into your life
21:52and makes you believe
21:54again
21:54and makes you believe
21:55that there are good
21:56people out there
21:57and makes you believe
21:57in love again
21:58and something maybe
21:59you thought you would
21:59never find again
22:00and pretty much
22:02probably I would say
22:02gave up on
22:03and he showed me
22:05that that's not the case
22:06so
22:07I think you've just
22:08made everyone in the room
22:08so happy
22:09by hearing how happy
22:12you are
22:12let's take some
22:15questions from the room
22:15pop your hand up
22:16if you'd like to ask
22:17Yelena a question
22:18how about
22:18we'll have one over here
22:19and then how about
22:20one here
22:21hi Yelena
22:22thank you for being
22:23here tonight
22:24in your first book
22:25you spoke a little bit
22:27about your relationship
22:28with your brother
22:29and your mother
22:31and your fear
22:34perhaps of leaving
22:35your brother behind
22:36my question is
22:37do you still have
22:38a relationship
22:39with your brother
22:40and your mother
22:40I have a great
22:42relationship with
22:42my brother today
22:43I actually just spoke
22:44to him five minutes
22:45ago before I came on
22:45yes I wasn't in touch
22:48with my brother
22:49for seven years
22:49because my father
22:50stopped that
22:51he's eight years
22:51younger than me
22:52so when I left home
22:53my father used that
22:55to kind of weaponise
22:56that against me
22:57and that relationship
22:58so that was really
22:59hard for me
23:00and later on
23:02we got in touch
23:02and started to develop
23:03that relationship
23:04again
23:05and we've got
23:06a fantastic relationship
23:07today
23:08he's my younger brother
23:09I will
23:11yeah
23:11I would literally
23:12die for him
23:12and mum
23:13yeah
23:14tough relationship
23:15I talk about that
23:16in my books
23:16because she always
23:17supported my father
23:18we've had tough
23:19conversations
23:20obviously
23:21it was really hard
23:22at one stage
23:22with that relationship
23:23with her having
23:24my father's back
23:25but yeah
23:25we talk today
23:26and have a good
23:27relationship
23:28hi Elena
23:29thank you for
23:30sharing our story
23:31did you go to
23:32your dad's funeral
23:33if not
23:34why not
23:34or if so
23:36why so
23:36thanks
23:38no I didn't
23:40I
23:41yeah I didn't feel
23:43like I
23:44needed to go
23:45to be honest
23:46that was a decision
23:46I made
23:47in that moment
23:48and yeah
23:49that was my
23:50just my choice
23:51at the time
23:52and I didn't
23:53feel like I
23:54needed to
23:55and wanted to go
23:56the gentleman
23:56down here
23:57as a primary
23:58school teacher
23:59I'm really
23:59interested to know
24:00if this was an
24:01assembly with
24:02500 or so
24:03primary or high
24:04school kids
24:05what would your
24:05life lesson be
24:06to them
24:07I always wanted
24:09to come out of
24:10everything as a
24:10winner
24:10and as a
24:12success story
24:12I'm not a
24:14victim
24:14I don't want pity
24:15I don't want
24:15anyone to feel
24:16sorry for me
24:16this was always
24:17about coming
24:18out the other
24:18end and maybe
24:19someone will see
24:20it and go
24:20you know what
24:20she did it
24:21maybe I can
24:22do it too
24:23but if there's
24:23any lesson
24:24I can give
24:24them never
24:25allow anyone
24:26to take your
24:26worth away
24:27to tell you
24:28you're not
24:28enough
24:28never allow
24:29anyone to
24:30take your
24:30smile and
24:31your happiness
24:32away and I
24:33would also
24:33tell them
24:34you will fall
24:35you will fail
24:35you will make
24:36mistakes
24:36you will do
24:37it a million
24:37times as long
24:39as you get
24:39back up
24:40a million and
24:41one
24:41Yelena you
24:43have been so
24:44generous with
24:45your time
24:45and your
24:46insights
24:46thank you so
24:47much for
24:48sharing your
24:48vulnerability
24:49and your
24:49story and for
24:50all of what
24:51you're doing to
24:52try to make
24:52things better for
24:53us as a whole
24:54would you please
24:55thank the
24:55amazing
24:56Yelena Jordan
24:57thank you
24:57do you want me in or just Yelena
25:21thank you
25:23thanks
25:24nice to meet you
25:24you're welcome
25:25thank you
25:25it's not mandatory
25:26to own them
25:27it's fine
25:28one two three
25:38thank you very much
25:40you're welcome
25:40thank you for coming
25:41thank you
25:42do you want to come
25:44in the middle
25:44okay
25:45yeah
25:45before we go
25:52we wanted to pass
25:53on some sad news
25:54relating to one
25:55of the most loved
25:56episodes in
25:57Australian stories
25:58history
25:5825 years ago
26:04we brought you
26:04the story of
26:05Sam Bailey
26:06an extraordinarily
26:07inspiring man
26:08I was born on the
26:10family farm
26:11in a little place
26:12called Cropper Creek
26:12which is about 80
26:13kilometres northeast
26:14of Moree
26:15in northern New South
26:16Wales
26:16at age 19
26:19I set off to the
26:21Northern Territory
26:21and had this car
26:23accident
26:23Sam became a
26:26quadriplegic
26:26but he was determined
26:28to return to a life
26:29on the land
26:30I'd always wanted to
26:33fly
26:33I thought well
26:34perhaps now I've got
26:35an opportunity
26:35maybe to fly
26:37to see that boy
26:40take off
26:41into the sunset
26:42oh gee
26:43unbelievable
26:45and that gave him
26:47the feeling
26:48that nothing
26:48was impossible
26:49the hurdles
26:50were lower
26:50and he could climb
26:52now I could
26:54drive a tractor
26:55I could drive a header
26:56at harvest time
26:57there I was
26:59I was a quadriplegic
26:59and I was farming
27:00Sam always longed
27:03for a companion
27:03and one day
27:04he heard
27:05Jenny Black
27:06reporting on
27:07ABC Radio
27:08she wanted to come up
27:09and do a story on me
27:10I remember thinking
27:11gee she sounds alright
27:12what a great girl
27:13hi Jenny
27:14hi Dan
27:15great to meet you finally
27:17I mean he's the nicest
27:19guy I've ever met
27:20I mean why
27:20why would you turn
27:21your back on that
27:22just because
27:23you can't walk
27:24and do a few things
27:25I mean you'd never do
27:27I could never do that
27:28hello Jenny Black
27:30hello
27:30I see the question is
27:33Jenny will you marry me
27:34and spend the rest
27:35of your life
27:35by my side
27:36I don't believe this
27:38Sam
27:38yes I will
27:41I'm so happy
27:45it's as though
27:46I'm at the top
27:47of the hill
27:47just looking out
27:48Jenny's just been
27:49the best thing
27:50it's ever happened to me
27:51together there's nothing
27:53we can't do
27:54for the last 20 odd years
27:58Jenny and I now
27:59have been crisscrossing
28:00the country
28:00just giving inspiration
28:02and hope to other people
28:04that have been a bit down
28:05on their luck as well
28:06live your dreams
28:09and nothing is impossible
28:10sadly Sam died in an accident
28:15a few weeks ago
28:16Jenny says
28:18Sam Bailey had the biggest heart
28:20I know
28:20and I'll be forever grateful
28:22that he shared it with me
28:23for 26 amazing years
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