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The Braxtons Season 1 Episode 2
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00:01Hi!
00:02Little Kevin is not just Tracy's son.
00:04He's our only child.
00:05I don't want him to go into a downward spiral.
00:08We need to go ahead and go on grief counseling.
00:10Would you want to be a part of that, too?
00:12Tracy loved buttermilk biscuits,
00:15so I'm making her in her honor.
00:17This week is the two-year anniversary of Tracy's passing.
00:20Since everything happened, even with Tracy,
00:22I would have thought that maybe, you know,
00:25it would have brought everybody to a different place
00:27where we're closer.
00:28But that's not what happened here.
00:30I should have had my sisters to lean on
00:32to be those people for me to talk to.
00:34Since you're the person that called,
00:36tell me, what do you feel like you need help with?
00:41Trina was there when Tracy took her last breath.
00:46I have no idea how to feel yet.
00:49When we, as a family, go through therapy sessions,
00:55a lot of things are revealed.
01:09Thank you, Mom.
01:10What I'm really feeling is for Kevin.
01:13Hmm.
01:14What are you feeling for Kevin?
01:16Pain.
01:17Pain.
01:18Pain.
01:19Yeah.
01:20Hurt.
01:21Hmm.
01:22Yeah.
01:24Are you able to feel your own pain?
01:27Oh, I felt that.
01:28Hmm.
01:29Every day.
01:30But I heard you say, I felt that.
01:32Well, I don't think it can ever prepare a person
01:36to lose their child.
01:37Amen.
01:38It's a difference.
01:39I carried Tracy, and she can never be replaced.
01:43Right.
01:44Hmm.
01:45I almost lost Tracy three times when I was carrying her.
01:51Another time when Tracy had this high fever,
01:54but this time I couldn't save her.
01:56And it may hurt what I'm saying, but she was so ill,
02:00I did pray that God would take her.
02:03I didn't want to see my child suffering like that.
02:06It was hard.
02:07But she's always present with me.
02:09Yes.
02:10All the time.
02:12And believe it or not, Tracy comes, she visits me.
02:16And I see her.
02:17Hmm.
02:19Because I know one day, I mean, I got to get up out of here, too.
02:22I don't care how fine I am or what I look like.
02:25It don't matter.
02:26And so I'll see her again.
02:28Amen.
02:29It's okay, man.
02:30It's okay.
02:31The last time we were filming, we were in L.A.
02:34We were there celebrating Tony's birthday.
02:37This is a trick candle.
02:38You know what it is?
02:39Yes, it is.
02:40And Tracy said, it burns.
02:42Like, it hurts when I swallow.
02:44Like, it really burns.
02:45And me and Trina were like, Tracy, you need to go to the doctors as soon as you get home.
02:51And she was like, I am.
02:53I'm a COVID.
02:54It don't feel right.
02:55It just don't feel right.
02:56Once she got home, she went to the doctor.
02:59And that's when they told her she had cancer.
03:02And they said it was esophageal cancer.
03:05And it was stage three at the time.
03:08Tracy said, but I'm going to beat this.
03:11I'm going to be an example for other women to get through this.
03:16I said, I know you will, Trey.
03:21Well, Sister Tracy always tends to make the best out of everything and act as if nothing's wrong.
03:26But I could see past the mask.
03:28We love each other extremely hard.
03:33And when the, when time gets rough, we go running.
03:39This is what it is, Trey.
03:40One, two, three, four.
03:41Tracy's in.
03:42I'm done.
03:43It's called the Tracy.
03:44We just kept flying back and forth to see her.
03:46We took turns with different things and everyone had their own role in being there for her.
04:00her we laughed a lot with her we cried a lot with her there were times we had pajama jammy jams
04:11oh no i don't know what she don't know
04:17and we did karaoke sessions we watched a lot of judge judy
04:23we had conversations about her turkey wings i'm the only person she gave the recipe to
04:37and we talked about her motorcycles and what that meant to her um i never knew this that her
04:43favorite movie was what's the disney movie the only black disney movie princess in the frog
04:50yes what's her name tijuana tijuana tiana she love that i don't
05:07when we stayed together at her house in the bed and we talking she said mommy i love you
05:16you were the best mother and we just embraced all night long
05:27i will always remember that
05:31why don't you organize your cards why are you in my car because you're showing them to me i don't want to
05:37i don't cheat to beat you i want to rip your butt parents like what you don't have no books
05:44tony braxton has a gangster i remember so many days that the doctor's office would call us and say
05:51she has 48 hours it's 24 hours she has eight hours and then it would be the next month they would say
05:58the same thing again tracy tony's in death we're watching movies together we know
06:11tracy was a fighter she was a fighter to the very very end for the good days for the bad days
06:18that was one of the hardest things i've ever done in my life in my life
06:37but i do it again absolutely where are you in your process
06:48i can't help you if you guys aren't clear on what you actually want to talk about as real problems
06:58so that we can get right to the root of it to heal it
07:03what do you mean by getting to the root of it grief is connected to everything else right and
07:09unfortunately when you're in processes like this where there are things that you don't want to talk
07:13about things that can't be said you're not free in what you say and it is not actually really therapeutic
07:20well i'm not free at all
07:22what's wrong
07:27from
07:29come on from what tracy
07:30anything
07:32you don't know about it
07:34and tawanda was right tawanda said trina you're not strong enough
07:40to watch tracy take her last breath and i was like tawanda yes i am you can't tell me what i'm strong
07:47enough to do i know how sensitive trina is and i knew that that wouldn't be good for her
08:06those are the things that will scar you for the rest of your life
08:18i almost like feel all the trace energy just go and as you see literally it almost went inch by inch
08:27by inch by inch by inch and i see it almost empty i'm sorry
08:41we understand you may have an active warrant is that kevin's mic that's not like the police
08:47what's going on y'all got so many secrets so irritating wait a minute what every time you call
08:53i answer so i'm a lion no you said that you act like you guys are enemies don't you know how short
09:03life is can't you see
09:10almost it's like feel all of trace energy just go as you see literally it almost went inch by inch by
09:19inch by inch i see it almost empty i'm sorry and i can't lose this weight because i just feel just
09:28i just got to eat all my emotions i eat yours i eat yours i eat yours i eat mine too and if somebody
09:36said trina drinks too much well i'm sorry that's what trina needs right now if trina gets fat that is what
09:44trina needs right now i need to eat all the grease and all the fried foods and all the okra and all the
09:53seafood that's in the world right now because that is what helps me right now yeah what does it do for
10:01you it satisfies something in my body and if i have a martini or 12 it allows me to escape to separate
10:12myself from the reality of going to bed
10:18because i'm up to wanda will tell you i'm up mommy will tell you i'm up to six and seven o'clock in
10:24the morning i don't sleep i don't go to bed the sun comes up before i go to bed every night for two years
10:33every night because i don't want the darkness on me when i close my eyes because i see her i see her in
10:42that green kimono every day every day
10:50and i don't know what to do with it honestly god i don't know what to do with what do i do
10:55it what do i do with it she's here for it too i'm sorry what do i do with it i'm so sorry
11:04what do i do with it can i touch you don't touch me no she don't like people to touch you yeah make
11:09a crime this is what the process looks like beautiful this is it
11:16i don't know what to do with the noise in my head that's why when i go to sleep the television is on
11:26something has to be on so i'm not left alone with my thought process and it's a lot
11:37yes it is because trina you're not just dealing with grief you're dealing with post-traumatic stress
11:44yeah that too and you need treatment yep and the food and the alcohol is just self-medicating the pain
12:04i went to tamar's concert and she did a dedication to tracy
12:08and i turned into mush into nothingness and i didn't want to make it a bad moment for tamar
12:17so i tried to you know keep my composure as much as i could but tamar came and checked on me
12:22i don't even know how you continued on i just i don't know because that's my way of grieving
12:32i got a lot of tools when i went to grief therapy you know
12:41okay to wanda what about you how are you dealing with your um i look at death and grief differently
12:50for me i believe that energy and spirit and your soul never dies i believe that even though tracy's not
12:58here physically that tracy's still here just not in a physical form so there's a different kind of
13:05piece about oh god yes i mean i have moments of damn but then i you know i i know that i can still
13:14talk to her i know that i can still have moments with her and maybe nobody else could physically see
13:19it with their physical eyes but i can experience it with my energy what are you all feeling about where
13:26you guys are it's bothersome for me that we're in a place as far as sisters are concerned
13:42just to where it's like before tracy passed it was like we have our whole familial unit but it seems
13:49like everybody just went to their own ecosystem of the world everybody went to their own corner
13:54we're not connected like we were we should be able to talk on the phone for hours yes table
14:00calls swanna swanna calls tony tony calls me and we just sell the phone we laugh that same feeling that same
14:08closeness
14:12we don't even have that anymore
14:14i miss my friend yeah
14:22i miss what she brought to all of us yes something she said was just like off the wall and nobody
14:29understood me but her well pluck my chicken a thousand times
14:33my nerves is shot to shingle i'm sorry i stepped on the road down i have nothing else to say
14:43i beat you i beat you to your buttery did she say which one she was at did she give you a name
14:49i am still attracted all right i still got a beautiful hiney the gluteus maximus i am devastated
15:06i mean what do i have to do to get some pincherization what is tracy's secret
15:11it that's what made her tracy you know what i mean tracy was a 24-hour pot of coffee
15:33right here no no no it's one
15:35i always remember tracy every day no just that fun loving i was going just special
15:45person that she was i'm so excited i'm so excited i can't wait to do this again
15:53wear the crown be the crown
15:59i just want to be valued
16:01you're a messy crowd you're a messy crowd
16:06and you are valued
16:09give it up for tracy
16:14tracy i love you so much i love you too
16:17i'm so happy to be your mother thank you mom
16:23oh my baby
16:24i love you too i love you so so much don't tell your sisters that i love you
16:32i'm about to start some crap
16:36i love you okay boys we're supposed to kiss with this
16:38covid and everything
16:39why you got to see the gv work you cannot damn god god is not pleased with that
16:42god was like to get 2020
16:46i always i told mommy this and mikey this i think tracy was the glue and we never realized she was the
16:51double stick clue
16:58i have to call y'all back okay are you okay you good no baby what happened are you serious
17:06even outside of all i don't know nobody has called me to tell me nothing but this is not the forum
17:11this is not the forum
17:13i just lost a child
17:16i can't take it it's too much
17:19but tony i'm wondering what is it like to see your sister falling apart in her grief
17:32cut your fresh tissue mommy please i'm getting it now tell me where are you in your own process
17:37um i am probably in the angry stage i'm definitely not at acceptance yet
17:47do you know any part of what you need that is missing in order to help you get to a deeper sense
17:54of peace you just know that it's missing so i just keep it all suppressed because that's what i'm
18:02supposed to do according to who i guess the role i was given in life
18:11you're welcome what exactly does that mean i just think it's the role i'm supposed to have so i just
18:17wear it being the oldest and the oldest sister is really hard for me to ask my family
18:25for support but not in the way you think because we always support each other just wanting to talk to
18:30them about things because i feel like i always have to be the strong one and i'm invincible and i'm
18:34always right not really but they think i think i'm always right and i don't know how to feel vulnerable
18:42and let them know that i'm human too i'm super sister
18:49hmm so then what is that like to be you who can't express
18:53the anger that you feel in losing your sister um before tracy passed that was
19:00kind of angry at god why would god take her i thought it was unfair it's unfair that tracy's
19:09the one that's sick the one that's dying and i have lupus i feel guilt because i felt like i was the one
19:18that was going to die first and i was angry because it was like tracy's has so many obstacles and why would
19:24god take her i thought it was unfair i just felt i'm the oldest i've been here the longest i have lupus
19:35i'm trying to figure out because you'll never not be the oldest right and you want to work on your
19:42grief i'm trying to figure out how do you imagine that you'll be able to if you believe that you should
19:49just always keep it together um i use my music to try to help me soothe or self-medicate that way
19:58music helps me a lot i'll try to go back to how i felt years ago just before my career happened
20:06that innocence in it and it soothes me it gives me inner peace because i was hungry and i was it was
20:12innocent i'm so beyond grateful for what i have but going back to a time in my life before i made it
20:21makes me feel at peace i had less responsibilities so much hope for the future i know i still need to
20:28process my pain and anger but i also have to be gentle with myself too you have your sisters here
20:34you have your mother here what can they do in the now to help it get better my parents did a fantastic
20:40job of teaching us the core family and being together but they didn't do the best job of
20:45letting us live our lives individually you know feel guilt and feel responsible for each other
20:54almost like you do for your children
20:59it's almost like you put your sisters ahead of your kids sometimes i had to work really hard
21:03to put my kids first because i was taught it was always about family
21:07just immediate family and that part is difficult and challenging for me to try to navigate
21:15but one of the things that's important and i heard you guys both mentioned i'm sorry spirit can
21:19you ask daddy and kevin how they're feeling absolutely forward daddy the question is how are you feeling
21:25about therapy i'm just here to uh try to learn and understand uh what my family is going through also so i can be a
21:36part of part of their healing process and what about kevin jr kevin what are you feeling tonight
21:44um every day i'm hurt no one in my family right now knows how how it feels to lose a mother
21:53it's like i'm losing a part of me and um it's hard i got a lot going on on my on my behalf so not only
22:04about grieving my mother i'm also leaving me losing my my wife so it's always a hard thing to adjust to
22:12especially when you have someone that had conversations with you know your mother saying
22:19that they have your back saying that no matter how hard it's going to get they're going to be by your
22:26side and then it came to a point where
22:33she served me papers a couple of months before my mother's you know two year anniversary of her passing
22:41i would be curious about whether or not kevin is working with anybody in individual therapy as well
23:02but the power of family can be equally powerful because you all are bouncing off of each other
23:09constantly and sometimes that's positively okay okay well we understand you make is that kevin's
23:14might you have to get a secondhand confirmation if you can hang tight that's not like the police
23:19you have a warning we're gonna have to book you into jail that's the police don't shh don't go trust me let
23:25him handle this just hang out i ain't got the police what's going on you're gonna have to tell
23:32we're assuming that it's the police telling what i said he's gonna have to tell you i'm about i don't
23:36want this on his are we assuming that this is the police so you know hey guys uh i have to call
23:43y'all back okay are you okay no you good no okay we'll call you go check on him to wanda
23:52sorry yeah check on him
23:58what is happening we don't know we don't know baby looks like we lost daddy on the call too
24:05hey baby what happened take a deep breath nephew take a deep breath
24:08what's going on y'all got so many secrets wait a minute what sure like trina's going tapping and
24:24it's like yeah i'm having because like even outside of all this nobody has called you to tell me nothing
24:29but this is not the forum this is not the forum this is not the forum this is not the forum this is no
24:33kevin's business and it's not the forum you can get upset if you want to okay but what about the
24:36outside for him anybody call me i don't know what's going on either did he call you and tell
24:39you that's not my business to tell you what just happened like seriously what just happened
24:50for i was here before well who friend of mine
24:53a lot of us a pimp let me find out i got girlfriends and i got boyfriends
25:00did you call me yesterday i did did i answer it well because we're taping now no no no
25:06no ma'am no ma'am
25:13who did that are you serious let's just take a deep breath okay i'm on the phone with you i got you
25:21tell me what you need me to do what is happening
25:25what's that really the police what is that like to me are you serious
25:33what just happened like really my frustration is is that it's a bunch of secrets and i'm just like
25:39what's going on even outside of all of this i don't know anything i don't either i'm not there to
25:45even tell you what's going on wait hold on one second for me if you guys don't mind i think maybe
25:50what happened now this is not the first time that something like this has happened for you guys i
25:55assume this is just what family looks like right everybody has a personality everybody has a boundary
26:00a belief how are you guys feeling about where you guys are now kevin is abruptly pulled away where
26:09does this leave you guys in the process i wish i could give you some answers energy is just weird
26:16what are the what is it what is the charges what are the charges put me put them on speaker i want to
26:22know the charges our energy got really weird and everybody's energy got defensive and i don't know
26:27why we all went there i'm gonna say everybody i'm not gonna i think all of us got defensive i don't
26:33think this is all just about well kevin jr is a symptom of a deeper issue in our family i think
26:41taymar being the youngest sometimes she thinks maybe we don't want to worry her i think people tend to do
26:46that with the youngest and that's not okay that part's not okay i don't know what's going on i just know
26:51he's going through a divorce i have no idea why cops would be at his house if that's indeed what
26:56happened that is what happened i asked the police i said so what's going on they said well someone
27:04anonymously called and said that he has a warrant so he has a warrant so he doesn't know so he just
27:13went to jail right so he's going to go before commissioner to figure out what the the warrant is
27:20actually about we can assume anything anything because we don't know i think that someone close
27:30to kevin called and set him up the timing of it all you know the timing of the grief counseling the
27:38timing of the call of the cops showing up at his house is is too coincidental it's like really who would
27:45know that he's there that's not a coincidence well what would tracy do you be down there right now be
27:54right there i can't begin to imagine what little kevin is feeling right now he's just lost his mom
27:59he's an only child from his parents he probably feels alone and as his aunties we try to be there for
28:05him but i don't i think there's a void we could never feel so obviously we're going to have to meet with
28:10you again oh that's what i was going to ask that's the question do you all have to focus to do the
28:16work or do we need to reconvene at another probably reconvene for what why you say that because i think
28:22the energy is i don't think we're open to receiving anything right now because i'm worried about tracy's
28:27son i mean but maybe she could talk to you individually i i went to grief counseling
28:32and listen listen i'm all here for advocating for a healthy mental health because you never know
28:40who you're going to reach who needs to be touched i move in a space of
28:48what's best for my health and what is going to um allow me to remain
28:54physically and mentally here for not just myself but for my child and the people who love me and i
29:03have no shame about that my boundaries is very serious and you know i don't waver my boundaries
29:13for anybody or anything and um and i don't know how to respectfully convey that to a stranger that
29:23doesn't know everything that we have been through or what i have personally been through um but you
29:28know i i put my foot down and it stays down it no longer serves me to beg i have no desire can i ask
29:38what do you mean beg when you say i don't want to beg oh beg for uh sisterhood beg for a friendship
29:46beg for time beg for none of that
29:55this is a prepaid call from kevin an inmate in the county correctional facility are you okay
30:01it's my mom i guess not we don't know what's really going on can we find out why he's there
30:09i'm fed up you deal with it because i'm tired do what you want to do
30:17what do you mean beg beg beg for uh sisterhood beg for a friendship beg for time
30:26beg for none of that i'm sorry if i made you feel like you were begging that was never my intention
30:31and i would never want you to feel like you were begging
30:35for sisterhood or time like for real for my heart i would never want you to feel that way
30:40it's something we're doing wrong as sisters and we're not getting it because tamar has felt this
30:47before i call all of my siblings i've damn near begged them to come hang out with me and the answer is
30:54always no or there is no answer and i wish she could explain it to us or she felt she could trust us
31:02enough to be vulnerable and honest there are times that i don't understand my sister i don't get her
31:09but i'm trying so hard to i want to see things from her perspective
31:15i can't speak for anyone but me and you and our relationship when you say when you call me you say
31:21trina will you come over nine times out of ten nine times out of ten where do i go no you come i
31:28come nine times out of ten i appreciate that and it's not about appreciation it's because i want to be
31:34there i want to foster a relationship with you individually and collectively with the rest of
31:38our sisterhood and our sistership i think that's one of the things that our sisterhood we have
31:43problems with we always put everything into a bundle just be honest to the person that you're
31:48having the problem with because it obviously is not me say how you feel but say it to the person that
31:53you feel about period how does it impact you guys as sisters not to be able to have at least one
32:00of you guys that will plug in in that space there's a real firm boundary there that says you do
32:07not get access to me anymore for whatever the reason is for me you have to respect where a person
32:12is that's just it and until that person or whoever is is willing to move forward in that way then you
32:18just have to respect where they are well the respect is a behavior but i want to know how it feels
32:24to not have access to your sister but be honest it's not it's not it's not it's not connected to a
32:30feeling though oh it's not it's not it's not it's not connected to a feeling okay it's not connected to
32:37a feeling though how does your sister say you don't have access to me and you don't care that you don't
32:45have access to me and it doesn't cause you to feel anything it's just i guess the feeling is numb
32:51because it's not positive and it's not negative and I will tell you that numb is a feeling it's
32:58a very important it is right numb is a feeling that we go to our body shuts down when what we
33:04actually feel is so overwhelming that to feel that would hurt too much so then we just learned
33:10how to channel and block it out well no because it's not blocked or it's the feeling mutual
33:15keep it gangsta dog like why we gotta sit up and act like it's not it's like I said it's a matter
33:21of respect I respect where people are that's just is that why it's I respect where people are I don't
33:28engage I don't pour into certain types of energy I make different choices in my life and that's
33:36just where I am now this is TV Josh outside outside of yesterday and today when is the last time you
33:50talked to me um I don't recall it wasn't my birthday because you didn't call me
33:55your birthday September here we are in March I am in a space I am in a space of
34:03I'm just focusing on my relationship and whoever's in my household I'm focusing on my children I'm
34:12focusing on my relationship Trina in your household Tony's in your household they call me I talk to
34:18them every day girl you don't answer the fuck that's not true let's be specific did you call
34:22me yesterday I did did I answer it well because we're taping now no no no no ma'am no ma'am no ma'am
34:29when you called me every time you call that is not every time you called I answered every time you
34:37text I answer that's a fact okay that's a fact so I'm a liar no you said that I didn't call you that
34:47that's the word that you're using everyone knows that I always have receipts but what's the point
34:55of showing it my word should be my word facts are facts and words can't change it what she will do is
35:01she'll give you the carrot and move forward okay this is how we okay that now forget it okay this is
35:06how I feel okay yeah forget it so either you're gonna go here or you're not I just did no you did
35:12not you know you did not what's happening between you and her right now if a person gives me something
35:20and tells me this is how I'm feeling I respect where they are that's it completely but the reason
35:26why is but you can't speak for me is what I'm saying sure you said because you said you just said
35:32no she's not I'm listening to every word that you're saying to me you said no she's not and then
35:38you took it back and said I'm not speaking for you but you in fact did that's all I'm saying okay
35:45you know I am just so sick and tired
35:54you act like you guys are enemies I am tired of it
36:04you can't sit down and have a decent darn conversation without all of this
36:12foolishness all I care about is in you guys
36:19I just lost a child
36:23suppose something happened
36:26Gina I'm like you don't check me
36:28yeah don't get it on my call
36:30you don't take a glass that's all
36:31suppose some you walk out that door tonight
36:34one of you guys are killed
36:37don't you know how short life is
36:41don't you know
36:46can't you see
36:48I can't take it
36:52it's too much
36:53don't you know
37:02can't you see
37:04I can't take it
37:07it's too much
37:09simple things
37:12you want to argue over that
37:15tell me
37:16what is
37:18wrong
37:19what's wrong
37:22it's too much
37:26it's too much
37:29Tracy even talked to you guys
37:34don't you remember
37:35she said if y'all continue to argue
37:38I'm gonna haunt you
37:40she said
37:41because it's not necessary
37:44that's what she said
37:48life is too short
37:58I promise you
37:59I promise you that
38:02so go ahead
38:04knock a fool
38:05I'm tired of going to God
38:08for the same thing
38:09Lord please
38:10bless my kids
38:12please help them
38:13to have forgiveness
38:15please show them the way
38:17please help them
38:18to show their children
38:20what the devil y'all
38:21is showing them
38:22how to be against one another
38:25stop it
38:31I'm fed up
38:32you deal with it
38:35because I'm tired
38:35do what you want to do
38:37these are grown behind people
38:41I'm not going to be in the middle of this
38:44they have issues that I can't fix
38:48and it's not my place to fix it
38:51you know I'm not a fixer
38:53I'm a mother
38:54and you're not going to kill me
38:57how about that
38:58you said a lot to your girls
39:02and I think it matters
39:04to each of them
39:05they were affected
39:07you don't believe that they were though
39:12no that's not
39:13that's not it that I don't believe it
39:17I'm just disappointed in them
39:18because you know enough is enough
39:21yeah
39:21but I would say hold out the hope
39:23because maybe this is the beginning
39:25right
39:26oh child please
39:28yeah
39:28I know it feels like that
39:29how long do you think I've been talking to my children
39:31forever
39:31since they were in the womb
39:33well one of the things that I am hoping
39:36for this family
39:37I'm hoping what your mom is hoping
39:39is that you all
39:41will find your way to change
39:43but you have to be motivated for it
39:47you have to be willing to do the work for it
39:49and you have to be willing to take accountability
39:51for the parts that you are willing to do
39:54and the parts that you're not
39:55obviously we need to have a couple of these sessions
39:58to get to the core
39:59but we appreciate you coming here
40:01and taking the time
40:01and hoping that we can do it again
40:04and get a deeper dive
40:05absolute pleasure
40:06and anytime that you guys want to do the work
40:10give me a call
40:11and we are going to get you a referral
40:14for some treatment
40:15okay
40:16because the suffering will not end
40:19just because you got a little bit of relief
40:21and I don't want you to stop there
40:23I receive that
40:23okay
40:24okay
40:25let's get you guys some rest
40:27thank you so much
40:28my pleasure
40:28thank you so much
40:30mm-hmm
40:31I hope somebody stirred my oxtail
40:33so it didn't burn
40:34I don't burn food
40:35grief takes a long time to build up
40:38it's going to take a long time to dissipate
40:39I'm just so full of emotion
40:41I'm so full of feeling
40:42I'm so full of hurt
40:43I'm so full of grief
40:44I'm so full of passion
40:46and it's just
40:47just
40:47an outpouring
40:49like rain
40:50and girl
40:51you don't have to be suffering
40:53like how you are
40:54this really is
40:56a lot
40:56when you speak with a grief counselor
40:58I can say this
40:59now
40:59it gives you the freedom
41:01to
41:01not move
41:03past the situation
41:04but to move forward
41:05from the situation
41:05and that's what I'm working on doing now
41:07do we have to turn it up baby
41:12there it is
41:13mmm
41:14ooh Tony it tastes like beach cobbler
41:17you want to taste it
41:18I feel like grief management
41:19is what Tracy wanted us to do
41:21I think she knew it was going to be
41:22we were going to put space there
41:24and this was her way of
41:25pulling us back together
41:26we're not there yet
41:28I don't think we're
41:29to it
41:30I think we're just beginning
41:31but what I know for sure
41:33is we love each other
41:34no matter what
41:35and there's still a lot of pain
41:37and a lot of triggers
41:37we can't work through
41:38in one night
41:39but I'm optimistic
41:40that we'll get there
41:41oh the food ain't ready
41:44the rice is ready
41:45but the rice is waiting
41:46go eat
41:48go eat baby
41:49look at God
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