Film Club Season 1 Episode 1

Reality Realm US

Film Club Season 1 Episode 1  #RealityRealmUS Reality Realm US

Transcript

00:00You

00:30Bloody hell.

00:52Evie?

00:53Sorry, Mum, it's off.

00:55I'm going to hang.

01:00So, could she use that against Domenico?

01:26Yeah. It's a bit of a Kramer versus Kramer situation, actually.

01:32I'm not familiar with that case.

01:38Yeah, I am going to have to get this. Sorry. Hello.

01:41You are my lucky star. My lucky, lucky, lucky.

01:46How can I help?

01:47What I want, Mr Armin, is justice for my family.

01:51You do serve justice, don't you?

01:53Sorry, two minutes, Carla.

01:55Yeah.

01:56Evie, I can't really talk right now.

01:58So, yes, just the one large order of justice, then, please.

02:00One large order of justice coming right up.

02:03How'd the test go?

02:04That smoke machine is a hazard.

02:06Yeah, I got it secondhand.

02:08Listen, can you make sure to air out the garage?

02:10My glands are still swollen and there's definitely a wheeze in my chest.

02:13You're not going to die.

02:15What if I am?

02:16You're not.

02:17What if I am?

02:19OK, so I realised.

02:21You know we watched Alien twice in halls.

02:23Don't touch it. Don't touch it.

02:25Well, Cam talked the whole time we watched it and you were spiralling because there wasn't

02:29enough tinfoil to cover the flat.

02:31Consider this a redo.

02:32This is three times.

02:33Can we watch something three times?

02:35Certainty is underrated.

02:36Sometimes it's nice to know what's going to happen.

02:38Anyway, we watched Groundhog Day three times, so...

02:40Is that true?

02:42Are you being a bit clever?

02:46Carla bought me a red pepper and halloumi focaccia today.

02:49Hello, can I tuck into a red pepper and halloumi focaccia, please?

02:54And she keeps asking me for pens.

02:57I told you.

02:58I don't know if you're right about this one, Eves.

03:01I mean, we work together all day, every day.

03:04The only thing she asks me about is the law.

03:06And pens.

03:07I'm definitely right.

03:08You thought Katie was my twin flame and then she dumps me the day my grandma dies.

03:12That was fun.

03:13Maybe, uh, maybe it's me.

03:15Maybe I'm just numb to all romantic endeavours.

03:19Oh, look at that.

03:20She's smiling at me.

03:23Aw.

03:23It's sweet.

03:25It's, yeah.

03:26It's, yeah.

03:27Do you have a tampon?

03:27Jesuses, can you knock?

03:30Don't touch it.

03:33Tampon, desperate.

03:36Jesus Christ, it's massive.

03:38It's a normal tampon.

03:39That won't go in.

03:40It's a normal tampon.

03:42All right, giant flaps.

03:44Okay, fine, Izzy.

03:46I've got massive, wizened, 28-year-old flaps.

03:48Girls, Jesus Christ, there's a man in the house.

03:51They're your primates, not your poplicks.

03:53All right.

03:54Hey, my little mokka.

04:20Come here.

04:27I'm so sick.

04:29No, stop it, you two.

04:32Tampon's giving me a migraine.

04:33Oh, it's Friday disco, baby.

04:35You've got to get into the groove with it.

04:37Oh, that's an innate sense of rhythm, that.

04:40It's innate.

04:41Get it from my mama.

04:42Oh, babes.

04:43You're full of beans today.

04:45Mm-hmm.

04:46Can I take this teller?

04:47What you want, baby?

04:49What's it for?

04:50Just going to the shop.

04:51Come on, Isabelle.

04:57She might do it this time.

04:59And I don't think it's right.

05:01I'm not giving you my love tonight.

05:03I don't think it's right.

05:24Oi!

05:29Yes, Miss Abisham?

05:31What do you want this time?

05:33I need tinfoil.

05:34Oh, right you are, Miss Abisham.

05:36Yep.

05:37Mum?

05:39No.

05:40You're still owe me my change from last week.

05:42Well, I told you it was interest.

05:44Mum.

05:50Whee!

05:51You've got a gullible written on your fod, love.

05:53Come on, Z.

05:55Sorry.

06:01Fucking hell.

06:05Oh, God.

06:20We just heard about the Bristol job now, eh?

06:22Congratulations.

06:24Yeah.

06:25Really good.

06:26Really great news.

06:27How come you didn't mention anything earlier?

06:29Uh, I guess I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed, a bit anxious.

06:35Telling people, you know.

06:37Oh.

06:38Yeah.

06:39Who?

06:40They'll be dead happy for you?

06:41My friend.

06:42Later.

06:43Yeah.

06:44Well, bring him to the pub.

06:45Um, she can't.

06:46We can't.

06:47It's...

06:48It's our...

06:49thing.

06:50Oh.

06:51Go on then.

06:52What is that?

06:53It's your film club.

06:54Yeah, we've all got our theories and I want mine to be right.

06:59Oh, no, it is actually just a film club.

07:02Yeah, when you say it out loud, it sounds less fun than it actually is.

07:05It's really fun.

07:06It's really fun.

07:07That is fun.

07:08You and your friend, watching films and having fun.

07:12Hello?

07:13Sometimes others join, but not so much anymore.

07:17Kinky?

07:18I knew her.

07:19She has got a boyfriend.

07:20That's what, yeah.

07:21Yeah.

07:22Insinuating.

07:23No, it's a ritual.

07:24Like, we haven't missed one in eight years, so...

07:26Maybe Simon was right.

07:27What does Simon think?

07:28Nothing, no.

07:29Carry on, so there's, um, rituals.

07:32We, yeah, we dress up as the characters.

07:35We play games.

07:36We...

07:37Do quizzes.

07:38We dress up as the characters.

07:44Oh!

07:45Oh, that, that is actually it, isn't it?

07:47Yeah.

07:48That's the thing that you're desperate to get to on a Friday.

07:50Not desperate, Carla.

07:52We just really love films.

07:57Babe.

07:58Mm?

07:59You know that fella at number 68?

08:00He's ordered discreet packaging again.

08:02I just have to know what's inside.

08:05Maybe whatever's in your imagination is so much more interesting than the reality.

08:09I promise you.

08:11God, you're so wise.

08:15I love you.

08:16Oh, I was thinking that I might just hang about tonight and help Sue's around the house while

08:31you do your thing.

08:33Of course, baby.

08:34Because then I can stay over tonight and we can smooch.

08:37Absolutely.

08:38Because I tell you, this mechanic thing you've got going on is...

08:42Ripley, baby.

08:43Hmm.

08:48Oh, here he is.

08:49The man of the hour.

08:51The unknowable prince.

08:54Never acknowledges the snacks.

08:56Not so much as a thank you for having me.

08:58You see what happens every Friday?

09:01Hmm?

09:02She gets like this.

09:03And we want her like this.

09:04But he winds her up.

09:06She's up and down like a bride's nightie.

09:08What the hell do they get up to in there?

09:11Feels...culty.

09:13Don't you think, babe?

09:15Stop watching that documentary.

09:17What the hell do they get up to, Isabelle?

09:19They're not gonna call mum.

09:20They're just losers.

09:21Never fucking comes in to say hello.

09:43Phew.

09:44Phew.

09:49Wow.

09:51You missed a spot.

09:53Yeah, I'm fully aware.

09:56This, however, is excellente.

09:58J'adore.

10:00We'll move in pairs.

10:01And we'll cut off every bulk and every vent

10:04until we have this thing cornered.

10:06And then we'll blow it the fuck out into space.

10:08Does that sound acceptable to you?

10:12Hmm.

10:14The accent wasn't perfect.

10:16Fucking hell, you do demand excellence, don't you?

10:18You try saying cornered.

10:20Cornered.

10:21It's hard.

10:22Cornered.

10:23Ugh.

10:24Just saying, it's not quite your Buffalo Bill, is it?

10:26It puts the lotion in the basket.

10:28That's the ticket.

10:29Right.

10:31Salty.

10:32Mm-hmm.

10:33Sweet.

10:34Mm-hmm.

10:35Sweet and salty.

10:36Mm-hmm.

10:37Toffee.

10:38Ew.

10:39Just a hunch.

10:42Did you go past the pitch, Al?

10:47Yeah.

10:48And?

10:49You're right, let's start it with Carrie.

10:50Why doesn't you read my emails?

10:52You don't start a sissy SpaceX season with Carrie.

10:55You end it with Carrie.

10:56You end it with Carrie.

10:57Yes.

10:58The sixth time you said that.

11:00Why are you keeping count?

11:02I don't count all the times you ask me if you're dying.

11:06Hey.

11:07Sorry.

11:08Okay, game time.

11:09What was the original running time of the movie?

11:12Three hours, twelve minutes.

11:13Mm-hmm.

11:14The blue flashing lights.

11:15Which band did they borrow those from?

11:16The who?

11:17Uh-huh.

11:18And what material was used to make the tendons of the alien?

11:24Polyurethane?

11:27No, shredded condoms.

11:31Speaking of which, Katie's pregnant.

11:35What?

11:36Tom's put a bun in the oven.

11:38You threw that in there late?

11:39How do you feel?

11:41I feel nothing about it.

11:43Come on.

11:44Nothing.

11:45Eve, we broke up three years ago.

11:47She's a year younger than me.

11:49Yep.

11:51Mm.

11:52So they're having it out of wedlock?

11:54Out of wedlock?

11:55What are you, from the 1800s?

11:56Would I do the speech at your wedding?

11:58To Carla, Queen of Stationery?

12:00I'm not getting married to Carla, Queen of Stationery.

12:03Why not?

12:04You should consider her.

12:07It's what you love.

12:08She tongs her hair at 6am, carries around a clipboard,

12:10has five pens on her desk.

12:11OK, she does not carry around a clipboard.

12:13Budgets.

12:14Doesn't like you too much.

12:15Crucial.

12:16Yeah, none of that pesky love and care.

12:17No, no, nice hair.

12:18Only free on Sundays.

12:19Mm-hmm.

12:20No higher than number five on her to-do list.

12:22No, not like our Joshy.

12:23So would I do the speech?

12:28You'd be your best man.

12:30Best lady.

12:31You're not a lady.

12:32What am I then?

12:38Just...just feel that.

12:40Yep.

12:41It's a glance.

12:42You're fine.

12:43Protuberant.

12:44You're fine.

12:45Yeah?

12:46OK.

12:49Eves, I have something to tell you.

12:53Go on then.

12:57I'm getting all nervous now.

12:58What?

12:59Jesus, now I'm nervous.

13:00Why don't you be nervous?

13:01I'm the one saying it.

13:02Saying what?

13:03Oh, wait.

13:22Look, even if you'd killed someone, I know you would have done it for good reason.

13:26If you haven't killed anyone.

13:28Will you be Louise Harvey Thelma?

13:31Let's keep going.

13:33I'm moving.

13:41What?

13:42I'm moving away.

13:46When?

13:47Four weeks.

13:51Four weeks?

13:53Yep.

13:55Bristol.

13:56Got a job.

13:58New one.

13:59Good one.

14:01Family law?

14:03Well done.

14:05Yeah.

14:06That's what I've always wanted.

14:07I know.

14:08That's what I've been aiming for.

14:09I know.

14:10I'd be remiss to turn it down.

14:13Remiss?

14:15Sorry.

14:16Sorry, I get...

14:17Four more, whatever.

14:18You're nervous, yeah.

14:24I'm so happy for you.

14:26You're welcome.

14:27I know.

14:28You're nervous.

14:29Four more, huh?

14:30C'mon.

14:31Two more, lovely.

14:36Well to see.

14:37Yeah.

14:38Good.

14:39So I should take it then.

14:41So I should take it then?

14:46Of course you should.

14:49You'd be remiss.

15:02Phew.

15:10Come on.

15:16We could have been anything that we wanted to be.

15:20Come here.

15:22Oh, I'm glad you could make it this time.

15:25How are you getting on with your big grown-up life?

15:27Yeah, good.

15:29Do you remember when you used to come round here when you were little?

15:32Make up them dance routines.

15:33Only our Evie wasn't very good at it, but we won't tell her that.

15:36No, shh.

15:37Can never get the rhythm in a body like me, do you know what I mean?

15:40Shirley Ballas level you, even at ten.

15:42Oh, I don't know why you didn't pursue that.

15:44But I suppose running a charity is honourable.

15:46Yeah, yeah.

15:47People need me.

15:48People need me.

15:49Why have you brought your own?

15:51I remembered to do vegan this time.

15:53Oh, no, no, no.

15:54They're nappies.

15:55We've got Matt's nephew staying, trying it out.

15:58I wish you were my uncle.

16:00Guncle.

16:02Guncle!

16:04I think I'd be a much happier person if you were my uncle.

16:07Okay.

16:08I'm gonna...

16:14What's this?

16:15It's a fig.

16:16Why?

16:17His mum says it kind of looks like the alien when you open it up.

16:19Agh!

16:29How far is?

16:31Oh.

16:33This son of a bitch is huge.

16:35It's like a man.

16:37It's...

16:38Big.

16:40Hello, mate.

16:41Oh, my God, no.

16:42Your chest is harrowing.

16:44Yeah, nice to see you, too.

16:46Deeply unsettling, actually.

16:47Yeah.

16:49Hey, where's your costume?

16:51No.

16:52No, I'm sorry.

16:53You can't just wear a T-shirt with the name of the film on it.

16:55All right.

16:56Captain Von Trapp.

16:57Come on, I've got Matt's nephew staying and they're absolutely feral,

16:59so I really don't have long.

17:01Well, why come if you need to rush off?

17:03Calm down, Empress.

17:04I'm here, aren't I?

17:05Yeah.

17:14Er...

17:15He has a job.

17:16I know.

17:17No, a new one.

17:18In Bristol.

17:19He's...

17:20He's moving soon.

17:22Oh.

17:23Oh.

17:25That's why you both have funeral face.

17:28No, it's actually a really great job and happy.

17:30Yeah, everyone's happy.

17:32Really happy.

17:33Yeah.

17:34Good?

17:35Yeah.

17:36Yeah.

17:39So what, he's here?

17:40He's going back down south, yeah?

17:41Yeah, he is, actually.

17:42Yeah, he's going back down south.

17:44Right, yeah.

17:45Actually, it's...

17:46south-west, but...

17:47I think you'll find, looking at a compass, it is in actuality the south-west of the country.

17:53I rate me lever.

17:54I rate my lever.

17:55I'm a lever, not a fighter.

17:56I'm a lawyer, not a fighter.

17:57I'm a lawyer, not a fighter.

17:58I'm a lawyer, not a lover.

18:02What?

18:03I don't know.

18:04That's weird.

18:05I need the lavatory.

18:06Uh, Evie, help me pick some colours for the kitchen.

18:16Mm-hmm.

18:17Here's a plethora to choose from, or we're going for earthy.

18:20Earthy, yeah.

18:21Mm-hmm.

18:23Ah, he deigns to enter the house.

18:26Oh.

18:28I'm joking.

18:30You look nice, Suzanne.

18:32Oh.

18:34No, I think that's a bit...

18:35No, I just meant...

18:36...inappropriate.

18:37Nice.

18:38You know, you can call me Suze.

18:40Are you all right?

18:41You look a bit...

18:42Mm-hmm.

18:43Are you hungry?

18:44Do you have low blood sugar?

18:46No.

18:47It was a weird day.

18:48I got offered a job.

18:49I, er...

18:50I accepted a job.

18:51Oh.

18:52Well, I'll get you, mister.

18:54Mr. Man.

18:55In Bristol.

18:58It's in Bristol, yeah.

18:59Have you told Evie?

19:00Of course.

19:02Right.

19:06I've just got to use the facilities.

19:08Uh-huh.

19:15Fucking hell.

19:16Poor man of mystery.

19:18He is fucking off.

19:19Where?

19:20Yeah.

19:21Oh, he's got some snazzy job somewhere.

19:22Of course he has.

19:23But he can't go now.

19:24And she's...

19:26She needs this thing.

19:27What happened to Briar's nightie?

19:29I thought you said he wound her up.

19:30Yes.

19:31Well, I'd rather her up and down than just down, for God's sake.

19:35Have you forgotten what happened on her birthday?

19:37What?

19:38When she...

19:39Yes.

19:40Isabel, we don't have to go over it.

19:42Maybe change is good.

19:43Maybe everything happens for a reason.

19:46Yeah, keep talking.

19:49When life gives you lemons, live, laugh, love...

19:52I don't know, or that shite you love.

19:56I think you're spot on, babe.

19:58Come and get me fancy glasses.

20:00Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't.

20:02We can't have a feeling.

20:03When I went in to say hi to Suze, she sang Bugsy Malone at me again.

20:14Honest question, did I peak at ten?

20:17Don't answer that.

20:21My life's great.

20:25Your boyfriend is obsessed with me.

20:27Then I guess we've...

20:29We've both got that.

20:34Yeah.

20:36Evie?

20:37Court green or mask grey?

20:39Court green.

20:42Really?

20:47Right, you lot!

20:49Out here now!

20:54Come on, grab yourself a glass of fizz.

20:57What's going on, Mum?

20:59Well, Josh, do you want something more manly, like a little beer skit?

21:02No, no, no, Suze.

21:03Secco will do me fine.

21:04OK.

21:05What is the occasion?

21:06Oh, here he is.

21:08The man of the hour.

21:09Man of the what?

21:11So, Noah.

21:13Look, I know we haven't always connected.

21:15Mum, what's going on?

21:17But it's not that we haven't connected.

21:19It's just, well, you're a man of few words, aren't you?

21:22You know, hard to read.

21:24Actually, if he's...

21:25One second, Evie.

21:27Look, I know I'm not an official member of the club, but...

21:31Well, believe it or not, there is no snack fairy.

21:34You know, they don't just magically appear.

21:37But that's my way of saying, you know, I get it, guys.

21:42And so this is a toast and a congratulations.

21:46Oh, congratulations, Noah.

21:48Right.

21:49To the end of an era.

21:50Cheers.

21:54Evie.

21:55We're going to whack this film on when Cam's got left loose.

21:57Actually, come, I'm just...

22:00OK.

22:01Just trying to say something.

22:03So...

22:05Well, I've been thinking a lot about life.

22:08What?

22:09What? What is it?

22:11Is it...

22:12Actually sad or...

22:14Is it just what it is?

22:16Is it just bloody well what it is, guys?

22:19Everything happens for a reason.

22:21Que sera sera.

22:22Sorry, what is going on?

22:24Noah's got a job in Bristol, babe.

22:26Oh.

22:28Well done, mate.

22:31Yeah, to Noah.

22:33God, don't you do yourself down, Cameron.

22:35I wasn't, Cease.

22:36You are incredible.

22:37Blew me away as Bugsy.

22:39When is it happening, Noah?

22:40God, Isabel.

22:41Look, things change.

22:43And change is good.

22:45It doesn't have to be...

22:47sad or...

22:48or scary.

22:49It doesn't have to be.

22:50It's just part of God's plan.

22:51God.

22:52Yes, Isabel.

22:53Or the universe.

22:54Fuck's sake.

22:55Yeah, I mean, you're right, Cease.

22:56Yes, thank you, Josh.

22:57Jesus.

22:59Everyone's on the right path.

23:01God's path.

23:02No one's on the wrong track.

23:03Mum, this film's quite long.

23:04Nobody.

23:05Nobody.

23:07Josh?

23:08Go and get me that poem on the fridge.

23:09Oh, no, no.

23:10No one wants it.

23:11Yes.

23:12This is important, Evie.

23:13It's important.

23:17Cos she's got a good job waiting for her in town.

23:21When she...

23:23wants to go back to it.

23:24She's got a great future ahead of her, too.

23:26First class degree.

23:27First class in English literature from the University of Manchester, which was inevitable, given that she was capable of this, when she was eight.

23:37That's me, the one you see floating in the air.

23:38It's cold and I'm scared.

23:39I have knits in my hair.

23:40I'm the one you see floating there.

23:41So next time you're on your comfy sofa, watching TV, think of me.

23:44Next time you have a hot chocolate or tea, think of me.

23:45The one you see.

23:46Lost up in the air.

23:47Yeah, yeah.

23:48I'm just gonna go for a wee.

23:49Lost up in the air.

23:50Lost up in the air.

23:51Yeah, yeah.

23:52I'm just gonna go for a wee.

23:53Lost up in the air.

23:54So...

23:55To С градуси уроки啊!

23:56Tot сбора

23:57&

23:58If you're all of yourlement together, watching TV, think of me.

24:00Next time you have a hot chocolate or tea, think of me.

24:04The one you see.

24:05Lost up in the air.

24:07Yeah, yeah.

24:08I'm just gonna go for a wee...

24:09Lost up in the air.

24:24Come on.

24:54Come on.

25:24Come on.

25:54What is wrong with you, love?

26:05What is wrong with you, love?

26:35What is wrong with you, love?

26:36What is wrong with you, love?

26:38What is wrong with you, love?

26:40What is wrong with you, love?

26:48What is wrong with you, love?

26:50What is wrong with you, love?

26:54What is wrong with you, love?

26:56What is wrong with you, love?

26:58What is wrong with you, love?

27:00What is wrong with you, love?

27:02What is wrong with you, love?

27:06What is wrong with you, love?

27:08What is wrong with you, love?

27:12I will, by the way.

27:20Will what?

27:22Next time I'm on a comfy sofa,

27:25watching TV,

27:28we'll think of you.

27:34Even without a hot chocolate or a tea?

27:38No, but really...

27:42At least she's tried twice today.

27:53Maybe that speech did something.

27:55Maybe, you know, actually talking to her about it would help?

27:58Yeah, I am helping, your help. We're all helping.

28:02I'm reading the books, I'm listening to the podcasts.

28:04She came home six months ago and hasn't left since.

28:07It's getting a bit...

28:08Barbara Streisand didn't leave her house for years and she's Babby.

28:10Hey, you want to read my name is Barbara? Educate yourself.

28:13That cult was the only thing she had going on.

28:16Like, I wonder what's going to happen now?

28:18Well, it can't get any worse, can it?

28:20She's 28 years old, she can't get past the bleeding bin.

28:22What about Babby?

28:23Yes, Babby, but now you freak me out.

28:28It can't get any worse, can it, Isabel?

28:30It's not that far.

28:45It's not that far.

28:46It's not that far.

28:48It's not that far.

28:49It's not that far.

28:50It's not that far.

28:51191 miles.

28:52It's not that far.

28:53It's not that far until we find out what to put on.

28:54Yes, Babby I saw her towards.

28:55Fay,

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended