Crowd Control (2025) Season 1 Episode 3

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Crowd Control Crowd Control (2025) S01E03 Crowd Control (2025) Season 1 Episode 3

Transcript

00:00Welcome to Crowd Control, the improvised stand-up show where the audience is the material.

00:08On tonight's lineup, from after midnight, it's Ginny Zagrino.

00:14From The Tonight Show and the podcast Sports Bitches, it's Megan Gailey.

00:20And her special, Lovejoy, is streaming on Peacock, Joyelle Nicole Johnson.

00:25And here's your host, Jacquees Neal.

00:33Hello, hello. What's up, everybody?

00:38Welcome to Crowd Control.

00:42Tonight, I have three of my favorite comedians here to turn your lives into stand-up comedy.

00:49And they're going to do so by doing some good old-fashioned crowd work.

00:52And at the end of tonight's show, you will be deciding the winner.

01:00And you will be deciding that winner from one of these three fantastic comedians.

01:05Let's talk to them right now. What is up, y'all? How y'all doing tonight?

01:10Ginny, do you have, like, a memorable time that you were heckled?

01:14I did have to throw someone out at one of my shows recently.

01:17It was a man, of course.

01:19What's up, Megan? How you doing tonight?

01:24Six months pregnant in heels.

01:26Damn!

01:28Have you ever done a crowd work joke that has made it into your actual written material before?

01:33I hate writing material.

01:36It's like, I don't want to sit alone and write. I want to see all these pretty eyebrows.

01:41Joyelle, what's up?

01:43What's the wildest thing that's ever happened to you when you were talking to a crowd?

01:49I recently had a hysterectomy, and yes, thank you so much.

01:54My favorite thing to do is ask Ben what a hysterectomy is.

01:58My favorite answer is a dude was like, that's when they take your coochie out.

02:02I was like, he's not wrong.

02:08I think it's time to meet you all.

02:13Each and every comic is going to come up here one at a time, and they're going to do that

02:17until I give them the red light.

02:21Ooh.

02:22So get your hands warm, get your mouths ready.

02:25It's time to welcome to the stage, Jenny Zagrino!

02:30Hey!

02:32Can we just address how you said, get your mouths ready?

02:36I say it every show.

02:38This is great.

02:39Where are my couples at?

02:41How are y'all doing?

02:42Great.

02:43How'd you meet?

02:44We worked together at the same restaurant.

02:47Why'd you look at him in such like a, what are you going to say?

02:50How long have you been together for?

02:5217 years.

02:53That's so much.

02:57Have you ever opened it?

02:58Why?

02:59Opened what?

03:00Girl, what?

03:02I think I found the straightest couple in here.

03:07We met and the Lord said, here you go.

03:12Does anyone beat them?

03:14Of course not.

03:14All right.

03:16Over here we have a couple, but you're not sitting together.

03:19Are we a poly group?

03:21Well, see, y'all are squares over here just fucking each other for 17 years.

03:26Ew, gross.

03:28They fucked everybody.

03:31We met back in 2014 and then like didn't talk for like several years.

03:34Okay, well how long have your genitals been together?

03:37What, seven years now?

03:38But you're not seated together.

03:40Yeah.

03:41Why is that?

03:42Well, because this is my ex.

03:43This is your ex.

03:45You can be friends with exes.

03:46Yes, that is true.

03:47And then what are you doing?

03:49Oh, my application's in.

03:51Oh, you're going to join the polycule.

03:53That's right.

03:54That's the future.

03:55When are you going to get there?

03:57When are you adding this?

03:59Young lady into the fold.

04:02Anyone seated next to someone you would like to touch.

04:05That's Ginny Zecrino, everybody.

04:08All right, thank you.

04:10Please welcome to the stage the very funny Megan Gailey.

04:17Okay, I'm talking lots of women, lots of non-binary, and very few cis men.

04:24Yes.

04:26This is the safest I've ever felt on a stage.

04:29I'm looking out and I'm like, oh, my God, there's like barely a predator in here.

04:33And then we've got so much plaid.

04:37Did you two coordinate?

04:39No.

04:40Do you know each other?

04:41No.

04:41So, like, what prompts you to come to something like this?

04:45Is therapy expensive?

04:49I go to Dr. Barb.

04:50We're on a sliding scale.

04:52I think she likes me and doesn't want to lose me, so she's like, whatever, you can give me.

04:56These two over here are like, they're never going to get to us.

04:59Don't you worry, strawberry sweater.

05:06Because, like, if I could rank normal to least normal, you two are definitely valedictorians.

05:13And then it's sort of like, what the fuck is happening?

05:17Okay, do you hear my heavy breathing?

05:19It is tough.

05:22Someone recently said I sounded pregnant.

05:24And I was like, oh, well, you sound dead.

05:27So, children?

05:29Yeah.

05:29How many?

05:30Two.

05:31Okay, this is my second.

05:32Is it a mistake?

05:33No.

05:35Second one's not as hard of a mistake.

05:36For you?

05:39Has your dick ever torn in half?

05:42Exactly.

05:43So, okay, and you're a beautiful Asian.

05:47I do want to guess my husband has asked me to not do that anymore.

05:51Let's hear it.

05:52Let's hear it.

05:52Well, so my baby inside of me is Filipino.

05:56You got excited.

05:57You're Filipino.

05:57I knew it.

05:58Fucking knew it.

06:01Like, that's the thing.

06:03He's like, don't do it.

06:04And it's like, sorry, when you're batting a thousand, you keep going.

06:08I have a hoppa inside of me.

06:11She knows what that means.

06:11That's not racist.

06:14Okay, and how many siblings are there?

06:16I'm the third.

06:17Both of your parents are Filipino.

06:18I can tell you're full.

06:19Yes.

06:21Listen, when a Filipino is inside of you all the time, I know that's crazy, but there is

06:25a Filipino man inside of me.

06:28So, like, this is my sister.

06:32What is your name?

06:34Chelsea.

06:34Chelsea, they went real white.

06:37They were like, assimilate.

06:39Are both your parents still alive?

06:41No.

06:42What is going on in the spam?

06:45See, Filipinos love spam.

06:47Like, I'm, like, the thing is, I'm killing with her, and you guys are like, what is she

06:52talking about?

06:54And it's like, I'm not even here for you and your white poly.

06:57I'm here for my Filipina sister.

07:00Did you grow up in L.A.?

07:01No, I'm from the Bay Area.

07:02You're from the Bay.

07:03That's where they're all from.

07:04Um, my mother-in-law, she lives in Vegas, where they go.

07:09And so, whenever we go to the Cheesecake Factory in Vegas, I tell my son it's Manila.

07:16Okay, and do you like white guys or Asian guys?

07:19White guys.

07:20Wow.

07:20Isn't that hurt?

07:23Not, not your vagina at all, but, like, does that hurt your, like, mother's spirit?

07:30Yeah.

07:31And what do you do for a living?

07:32I'm an attorney.

07:33You killed it.

07:34That's Megan, everybody.

07:36That's Megan.

07:37Put your hands together for Trayette Nicole Johnson!

07:44All right, give it up for Megan about to start a damn race war in this bitch.

07:49How we doing?

07:50It's real hot in here.

07:51I'm perimenopausal than a motherfucker.

07:53All right.

07:54You know what perimenopause is?

07:56Slightly before menopause.

07:58Okay, okay.

08:00You like it's before menopause.

08:01I like that.

08:02Do you know what a hysterectomy is?

08:03Basically a sterilization procedure.

08:06That is an answer.

08:08A sterilization procedure, meaning?

08:11I'm not 100% on the specifics, and I'd rather say nothing than be wrong.

08:14I like that.

08:16I'd rather say nothing than be wrong.

08:20The first white man in history that has ever...

08:23Let me check your brother.

08:24Rather say nothing than be wrong.

08:27I would vote for you for at least a state senator, god damn.

08:33So I'm not going to be a mother.

08:35Yay.

08:37Could you, though, convince me to have a kid?

08:39You have to be convinced to have a kid.

08:41You shouldn't have a kid.

08:42Okay, I feel you on that.

08:43Yes.

08:44Y'all vetted the hell out of these white men today.

08:46I'll tell you that.

08:48I mean, I feel safe just because y'all two are here, but...

08:51I was like, y'all look secure than a motherfucker.

08:55Three of us look like a damn lacrosse team.

08:58How old are y'all's kids?

09:00Eight and four.

09:01Eight and four?

09:01Oh, that's really adorable.

09:04Which one you like better?

09:07Boy, girl, or...

09:08Boy, girl.

09:09Boy and girl, which one's the oldest?

09:10The boys.

09:11What's your favorite thing that he does,

09:12or what's your least favorite thing that he does?

09:14He makes his own comic books.

09:16He does...

09:16Oh, he's so weird.

09:17Yerd.

09:22Let's talk to you two here.

09:24What's up?

09:24Are you friends?

09:25Yeah, now.

09:25Yeah, now we're friends.

09:26Okay, after talking?

09:27Yeah.

09:28Okay, what you like about?

09:29So far, she's really genuine.

09:31Oh!

09:31Oh, y'all been in here for three days?

09:34What is happening?

09:35You ever hurt people's feelings?

09:36I hope not, but if I do, I guess...

09:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.

09:40That's how I feel.

09:42Like, if I do...

09:44Come on, Mr. Earl, everybody!

09:48Comics, I gotta know.

09:49Do you ever wish there were, like,

09:51prompts, written on shirts,

09:53writing in front of you

09:54that could help speed up the process

09:56to being funny?

09:57Of course not.

09:59Well, let's do it anyway.

10:00Audience, remove your top layers.

10:03Comics, your job is simple.

10:05Pick a shirt and make it content.

10:07It's as simple as that, y'all.

10:10Please welcome to the stage,

10:12Joyelle!

10:16Oh, my God!

10:17What is a fanthropologist?

10:20I'm a doctoral student

10:21studying fandom and fanfiction community.

10:23You gonna get a PhD in that?

10:28Who has, like, the craziest fans,

10:30in your opinion?

10:31There's a lot of vitriol

10:32in, like, old animated shows,

10:35so, like, the Voltron fandom

10:37is insane.

10:38Who said boo?

10:41You said boo to Voltron?

10:43I'm a victim of Voltron.

10:45What does that mean?

10:47We got two victims of Voltron?

10:49Is there more than there's

10:50a third victim of Voltron?

10:53What consists of a victim of Voltron?

10:56We watched it.

10:57And...

10:58I...

10:58Just watching it was traumatic.

11:01It was rough.

11:02In what way?

11:02It went downhill.

11:04The queer painting,

11:05there was the people dying,

11:06the writing was terrible.

11:08So, I have a paper coming out about this.

11:10Oh, my goodness.

11:17Wait, how long is this paper?

11:18Oh, like, 30 pages?

11:20That's a dissertation.

11:22No.

11:22How long is a dissertation?

11:24160.

11:25Oh, okay.

11:25I'm sorry.

11:26I have a bachelor's degree.

11:27I don't know.

11:2960, that's like a...

11:30Is that a Perry dissertation?

11:32That's Jayelle, everybody.

11:36Are you ready to take a crack at it?

11:38I'm ready.

11:39Get on, out there, Jenna.

11:40Yay!

11:43All right, what's the deal,

11:44hot repair man?

11:45I fix kilns.

11:46So, you're not actually a hot repair man.

11:48You repair hot things.

11:49I like to think it's both.

11:50All right, whatever.

11:53Yeah, you're very attractive.

11:54We can fuck after this.

11:55It's fine.

11:57Lay me over that kiln, buddy.

11:59I'll get your glass blown.

12:01Okay, anyways, thank you.

12:03Boom, bam, bam, all right, thank you.

12:04High five.

12:06Don't let go.

12:07Aw.

12:08We're not, we're not gonna.

12:12Fuck, I'm too scared.

12:14Okay, um, and then you're a barter boat captain.

12:18Like cheap boats?

12:19No, uh, so I run a collaborative art project about bartering.

12:23It looks like a carnival stand, and we travel from city to city,

12:26and whatever we get from you, we then retrade with the next place.

12:29And is that in Southern California?

12:31Ironically, wherever we get paid to go, we will come do non-money bartering.

12:36And then you get paid money to take people's stuff to give to other people.

12:40Okay, so that's one way of describing it.

12:42That is the correct way to describe it.

12:46Do you want to do a barter now?

12:48No.

12:48Come on.

12:51You're a cursed child?

12:52When I was a child, my dad took me to the pier, and an old woman put a curse on me.

12:56Oh, wow.

12:58He got into an argument with this old lady, and she turns to look at me and my sister and goes,

13:02a curse, a curse upon you, a curse on your bloodline.

13:05You got cursed by a witch.

13:06I see witch family over here.

13:08You're from a witch family.

13:10Yeah.

13:10So today, we're lifting the curse, okay?

13:13We're lifting the curse.

13:15What's your name?

13:17Lisette.

13:18What a fucking witch name.

13:19Oh, my God.

13:21Today's the day we're getting rid of the curse.

13:24On the cursed child, with the help of Lisette, as a witch, okay, what would you do to lift

13:33the curse?

13:34Imagine the curse like a ball of energy.

13:36Let's all imagine.

13:38Using the power of manifestation, okay?

13:41Get your crystals out, people.

13:42I know this whole fucking row has them.

13:44Get your crystals out, okay?

13:47So you guide us.

13:48It's a ball of energy, and you are just going to throw it away.

13:53Not near us.

13:54That way.

13:55Like that.

13:57Now you're free.

13:59You're free from the curse.

14:00We did it.

14:02Dropout TV.

14:03We did it.

14:04We lifted the curse.

14:06Oh, my God.

14:06That's Jenny Zagrino.

14:07We did it.

14:10Let's welcome Meg and Gabby back up to the stage.

14:15Okay.

14:16First things first.

14:17There's a curse on you.

14:18No, I'm kidding.

14:23White women can't be witches.

14:27You love big drums, and you cannot lie?

14:30I played traditional Japanese drums or taiko drums for 11 years.

14:34Everyone in here just got so horny.

14:38Okay, so how big are they?

14:39They can get as big as like a small car.

14:41Wow.

14:42I will say, like, as a sibling of a drummer, it's one of the worst things that can happen

14:48to you.

14:49Do you have siblings?

14:50I have one sister.

14:51And she's pretty upset about it.

14:52She's gone now, so.

14:54I mean, not dead.

14:54She left us a lot earlier than me, so.

15:00She moved out because the drumming, she couldn't take the drumming.

15:04Oh, my God.

15:05I didn't even see your shirt.

15:07What is baby magnet?

15:08I am a leap day baby.

15:10So you're February 29th?

15:11Yes.

15:12Amazing.

15:13I've met more leap day babies than the average person.

15:17And so how old are you, like, in actual years?

15:20I turned six and a quarter this year.

15:24I love that.

15:31I love that.

15:32Six and a quarter.

15:33Okay, so when do you usually celebrate?

15:3628th or first?

15:37I like 28th.

15:38You like 28th because it's like.

15:40Because it's still February.

15:41So you're a Pisces.

15:42Does that make it different for you?

15:46What's wrong with Pisces?

15:47Someone let me know.

15:48Polly, you seem to have an opinion.

15:50As also a Pisces man, a lot of Pisces men are known to be very manipulative.

15:54So a lot of people don't like Pisces men.

15:57But I'm also one.

15:58So the hate's coming from inside the house.

15:59Okay.

16:01That is a very Pisces man vibe you have.

16:04Okay.

16:05Very.

16:05I used to be a Pisces woman.

16:07I chose this.

16:08Yeah.

16:10Yeah.

16:10That is true.

16:12Now, when you stepped into your Pisces manhood, were you like, it's time to manipulate?

16:16I mean, I did cheat on my ex.

16:20So that really is what solidified it.

16:22And then you go, I'm ready to be a man.

16:26Poisoned by apples.

16:27I ate 60 apples in two days.

16:31And that's what put me in the hospital.

16:35Did you set out to do this?

16:37Kind of.

16:38My friend dared me that I wouldn't.

16:40I was in middle school, so that's it.

16:44How even in middle school did you have access to 60 apples?

16:47I was at a camp with a 24-hour fruit bowl.

16:52Can I ask something?

16:55I'd like to tag in my colleague.

16:57I just have a question.

16:58Yeah.

16:58Are you a horse girl?

17:00I'm getting very...

17:01Horse-wise.

17:02Yes.

17:02Very valid.

17:05He's actually working at a horse camp.

17:07Yes!

17:10Amazing.

17:12Amazing.

17:14Oh, my God.

17:15And then what did the camp say afterwards?

17:18They didn't really say anything about it.

17:19I just went back.

17:23I asked my mom.

17:24I was like, do you remember this?

17:25And she was like, oh, yeah, I guess.

17:27Wow.

17:29Yeah, how many siblings do you have?

17:30I have two brothers that both have type 1 diabetes.

17:34And so you were like, that looks fun.

17:37One second, everybody.

17:41Now, I'm looking in the back, and I see we kind of burned yours before we took your shirts off.

17:45The bride, the groom, the ex.

17:46But you said something.

17:48You cheated on your ex.

17:49I did.

17:49Is this the ex you cheated on?

17:51Yeah.

17:53It wasn't his fault.

17:55It was me.

17:55Yeah, of course it was your fault.

17:57I'm feeling like this show has been a little too safe.

18:05It's time for the danger zone.

18:07Bam!

18:09Want the remaining members of the audience, please remove your top layers?

18:14Comics!

18:15We have revealed our red flags.

18:18These are members of our audience who have things on their shirts that are more challenging

18:24or more dangerous subjects.

18:27And your job is to talk to them.

18:30And somehow find a way to make us laugh.

18:36Tell them what it is!

18:37And please welcome back to the stage, Jimmy Zagrino!

18:45Okay, let's get to radioactive.

18:48Because most, I'm just concerned for their safety.

18:51So I had childhood cancer.

18:53Keeping it light, okay.

18:55It poses a problem when TSA is like, you're radioactive.

19:01They can tell you're radioactive?

19:02Yeah.

19:03I have to carry a doctor's note that says, this person is radioactive because of chemo.

19:07And because I'm brown, they've always been like, that's a fake doctor's note.

19:10Whoa!

19:12Get pre-check.

19:14I don't know what to say.

19:15I do have pre-check.

19:16What about clear?

19:17No, that didn't exist when I had childhood cancer.

19:21They are still here.

19:23Everyone, okay, relax.

19:24I have to go get checkups every six months to be like, okay, you have to watch out.

19:29So you live on the edge of death at all times.

19:31It's kind of fun.

19:33All right, you're radioactive.

19:37You also, how did you almost die?

19:40So I used to work for cruise ships.

19:41I've worked a cruise ship.

19:42Everybody wants to die on them.

19:45During my first contract on my very first cruise ship, there was one death per week on board for the first seven weeks of my contract.

19:52What?

19:53So every week someone died?

19:55Yes.

19:55The Friday before I flew in, one of the principal singers for the production cast that was on board was found dead the morning of rehearsal in their stateroom.

20:05Yeah, it's so rude.

20:06I'm like, show up my time, okay?

20:10Come on, we got places to be.

20:11One of the worst things that happened, there was a safety equipment failure and the safety officer fell from deck six and broke his leg and his back and like...

20:23Wait, but he's alive though.

20:24I was very fortunate he didn't pass.

20:26All right, then who gives a shit?

20:27He's fine.

20:28We're talking about death with the water here.

20:30We're talking about death.

20:31And you're out here being like, oh, he's okay.

20:34Hey, it was gonna get dark, okay?

20:37Sorry, big drums.

20:42There was a lot of crazy stuff that happened to the point where the cruise director called like a priest and a native shaman and another form of spiritual leader.

20:52And we did like a whole like cleanse.

20:54There probably was a weird demon on the ship.

20:57I believe it, right, witch?

20:59Well, I can testify that the spirit of the deceased cast member lives on that ship.

21:04If you don't talk to him, he does things like he makes the lights flicker or he'll slam the door on you.

21:10If you die at work, what a terrible thing.

21:12You're just stuck at the Genius Bar forever.

21:20Bad with stairs.

21:21So when I was six, I fell down the stairs and I bruised my brainstem.

21:26What?

21:28It's so deep in there.

21:29Yeah.

21:30Okay.

21:31There is a plus side to this.

21:34You have superpowers.

21:35Yes.

21:36When the barometric pressure shifts, I can physically feel it so I know when it's going to rain.

21:41All right, so basically, you feel it, your titties get hard.

21:46All right.

21:48That's Jenny Zagrino, everybody.

21:52Then please welcome to the stage, Joanne.

21:55Oh my goodness, college mule.

22:00Is this something to do with drugs?

22:02Maybe.

22:02Okay.

22:03After a particularly sketchy drug deal, I've talked to the cops completely forgetting that I have three plus ounces of weed.

22:10You could afford three ounces of weed in college?

22:12Listen, listen, the prices were different.

22:19You look like you're 24 years old.

22:21How old are you?

22:2226.

22:23The prices were different seven years ago?

22:27The prices were low when we was young.

22:29We didn't have tax on weed then.

22:32Okay.

22:33This bush loves bush.

22:34It ain't the bush we're thinking about, though.

22:36Is it?

22:36So, I am a member of the bush family.

22:43You could afford three and a half ounces of weed in college.

22:50Come on, legacy.

22:51I'm a trans member of the bush family.

22:54Give it up!

22:56Hell yeah!

23:00So, I don't got that kind of money anymore.

23:02Oh!

23:04What you like, his cousin?

23:05H.W. was my great uncle.

23:08Yeah.

23:08And so, W. is like a cousin uncle.

23:10A concle.

23:13Okay.

23:14But I'm like a nibbling cousin.

23:15A nibbling!

23:16Okay, we're hitting these N words kind of hard.

23:20What's the family reunion like?

23:22It's hard to date, because, like, bringing someone back, bringing the queer person back to Thanksgiving,

23:28your creepy uncle is like W.

23:31Yeah.

23:32Okay, but you also love bush.

23:34I'm imagining that's...

23:36Yeah, yeah.

23:36Okay.

23:37So, you're bringing the bushes back to the bush family.

23:39Exactly.

23:39There you go!

23:40Give it up!

23:44You're a medical anomaly!

23:46I broke my arm.

23:47I went to the ER the next day.

23:49The doctor's like, fuck, I don't know.

23:51I think you might be pregnant.

23:52Why did they think you were pregnant?

23:53He was like, I think you're hysterical.

23:55Because I was crying.

23:56I take offense.

23:57Yeah, you take offense.

23:58I haven't cried once today.

24:03No more male doctors.

24:04No more male doctors.

24:06No more male doctors.

24:08No more male doctors.

24:10Fuck them.

24:10Yes.

24:11Okay, I thought you were going to end it there.

24:14That's true!

24:15We've got an evangelical hussy.

24:25Now, bitch, I'm from Indiana.

24:26I want to hear it.

24:28My parents are both ordained ministers in a very...

24:32What's a word that's not cult?

24:35A sect of evangelicalism.

24:38Which state are we talking?

24:39Ohio.

24:40Like, Indiana's a very easy...

24:42I said country.

24:45Which just, like, illustrates their public school system.

24:48It's a very easy state to shit on.

24:51But then it's like, Ohio sucks.

24:52Illinois sucks.

24:53Like, you ever meet someone from St. Louis?

24:57Yeah!

25:00Fried ravioli.

25:01What a fucking idiotic thing.

25:03Okay, so...

25:04I was kicked out because they thought I was having sex.

25:07And ironically, at the time, I was not.

25:09This is why religion is failing.

25:11Keep the girl who's fucking and going to college.

25:14That's, like, that's your number one draft pick.

25:19What?

25:22Yes!

25:23Get out in the world!

25:25Did you go to regular school?

25:26No, I was homeschooled.

25:27Are you vaccinated?

25:29I am now.

25:29Yeah.

25:32Good.

25:33Well, I'm so glad you got out and that you got educated.

25:36And then, like, I mean, your Thanksgiving is weird.

25:39You should send your parents to your Thanksgiving.

25:42They would love it.

25:43They would die of happiness.

25:45They would...

25:45Have you seen the paintings?

25:47They are expressive.

25:49Yeah.

25:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:50Are you from Texas?

25:51I'm from St. Louis, actually.

25:53Okay, cliff diver.

25:59We're cliff diving.

25:59It was my first time ever camping alone.

26:01See, when I hear men say this shit, it's like, what?

26:06If I stood up here and was like, it was my first time camping alone, I'd be a ghost.

26:10I would be a dead, pregnant ghost.

26:14Women can't even camp with other people and survive.

26:18When I see a man running at night, I'm like, I'm going to hit him.

26:23That's Megan Gailey, everybody!

26:28Y'all know what I want to do right now.

26:30I have a beach ball, and I am going to throw this beach ball into the crowd.

26:41You all are going to throw it around, and when I say stop, that is who our comic must

26:46talk to at that moment.

26:49Are we ready to get this thing going?

26:53Then please welcome to the stage, Joyelle Nicole Johnson!

27:00Chaotic!

27:03I almost killed the bush!

27:06Oh no!

27:09All right.

27:11What's your name, Skull Mulder?

27:13Johnny.

27:13Hi, Johnny.

27:14What the fuck?

27:17I own a small business where I dress as a skeleton man, and I sell skull replicas out of a creepy

27:23baby carriage.

27:26I don't even have any more questions.

27:28Like you told us what we needed to know.

27:33I'm going to throw another ball in the crowd.

27:35Ball again.

27:36Oh, I'm up in the ball, I'm up in the ball, I'm up in the ball, I'm up in the ball, and...

27:38Stop!

27:39Oh, okay.

27:43Okay, rocket man, what's up?

27:45I am a rocket scientist.

27:47Okay, all right.

27:48Fuck your PhD.

27:49All right.

27:50You're a rocket scientist, so you study rockets.

27:56Yeah, I work for Blue Origin.

27:58Do you have a favorite space shuttle?

28:00No, I kind of stumbled into it, honestly.

28:03How you stumble into rocket science?

28:05I knew I wanted to do engineering, I was applying for school, I hit the drop-down list and aerospace

28:09was the first one, and I was like, all right, that's cool.

28:11That's some white guy shit.

28:14I'm glad you said it, because I was like, I've said it enough today.

28:16Come on, come on.

28:17Come on, come on.

28:18Turn it up.

28:19Stop!

28:20Saw the musical.

28:22Like, play the musical song.

28:24You play the musical song?

28:26Yes, like, ee, ee, ee, song.

28:29Okay, and what made you pick up a song for the first time?

28:32I was living in Brooklyn.

28:33For sure.

28:33It was Williamsburg, wasn't it?

28:35Uh, yes, but...

28:36Give it up for Cheyenne, everybody, and welcome to the stage, Jenny Cicrino!

28:47This is the most unathletic crowd I've ever seen.

28:52You guys are like, oh, no!

28:54Jenny, you got a few options.

28:57Take your pick.

28:58Okay, I think it's teenage PI.

29:00My first job when I was 17, I worked at a private detective agency.

29:03What?

29:04Wow, you were a narc, is what you're saying!

29:06Oh, my God!

29:08What does a teenage PI do?

29:10I did, like, surveillance.

29:12So you were, like, a teenage novel.

29:15Oh, a girl on the beat.

29:16Do-do-do.

29:18Like, I'm a teenage PI.

29:20Look out, I'm in a fucking airplane.

29:22What?

29:23I was driving by people's houses, looking for, like, bikes and, like, toys in the garage

29:29to make sure that they had, like, kid stuff.

29:32So you were in planes looking for a deadbeat dance as a 17-year-old girl?

29:37Like, 100%.

29:38That's literally what I was doing.

29:42Really?

29:42I'm going to throw another ball in.

29:45Let's get it going.

29:46Okay.

29:47And stop.

29:48And, uh, we've got to talk to Jungle Squatter.

29:50I was training to be an expedition leader, which meant learning how to just survive in

29:55the jungle as though you'd, like, fallen out of a plane.

29:57All right, so how old were you?

29:58I had just turned 18.

29:59Oh, God.

30:00What are they doing to teenagers?

30:02I don't...

30:03The context for this is I had just creeped out of college, and I was like, ah, what do?

30:08You sound like a boxcar child.

30:09Oh, what do?

30:13I shall go to the jungle, for my parents have died years ago.

30:17I am but an orphan.

30:19A city's a greener, everybody.

30:21At the risk of throwing another ball into a crowd with very low hand-eye coordination,

30:29please welcome to the stage, Megan Gailey, one last time!

30:37Stop!

30:38No one's talked to she-E-O.

30:40This is a national title I won when I was 12.

30:43So I had an American girl doll business.

30:48Exactly, yeah.

30:49So I designed and sold American girl doll clothes, and I entered, uh, like, a young female entrepreneurial contribution.

30:55As you should.

30:57And I won.

30:58Oh, come on.

31:02Wow.

31:03Okay, give us, like, your favorite outfit you ever made.

31:06Okay, so I made, like, a denim jacket with, like, the collar was cheetah print, and it had little cheetah print here,

31:13and then there was a matching, like, pleated skirt.

31:15And would you sew these yourself?

31:17Yes, I would make them so each thing was, like, one-of-a-kind, and I only used, like, recycled materials.

31:22Let's get one more ball going, everybody.

31:29Fun.

31:30And stop it.

31:32Found in China!

31:36I can't believe we've waited this long to talk to you.

31:39I was found in the streets of China.

31:41How old?

31:42I don't know.

31:43I don't know anything.

31:44You don't know anything?

31:45Like, nothing.

31:45I don't even know if I'm Chinese.

31:48I actually have an opinion on that.

31:57I don't think you are.

31:59Like, what am I?

32:00Help.

32:01Well.

32:03She's Filipino.

32:04Yeah, she's Filipino.

32:04You think she's Filipino?

32:06I've locked it.

32:06You're Filipino.

32:07A lot of Filipino people tell me I don't look Filipino, so I don't know.

32:10But Filipinos run a gamut.

32:12Like, it's even in my husband's own family.

32:15You're like, they do.

32:17I'm Filipino.

32:17You're Filipino?

32:18You're half?

32:19Yeah.

32:19You're my baby.

32:22Oh, my God.

32:23It's so funny, because I was like, oh, he's so hot.

32:31And it's like, of course I thought that.

32:33That's it for Megan.

32:37And that is it.

32:38Follow me on stage.

32:40That is it.

32:41Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:45All right.

32:47Everybody, throw your beach balls back to me in three, two, get the fucking no.

32:51Stop.

32:52Stop.

32:53It is time for you to choose the winner of tonight's episode of Crowd Control.

32:59And that winner is going to win our golden drink ticket.

33:05Ooh.

33:08To our bartenderless bar.

33:12And the way you're going to choose that winner is by a round of applause.

33:16The loudest applause, the loudest screams, the loudest hollers.

33:20That's who's going to win.

33:21Do we think that person?

33:23And that winner is Ginny Zagrino.

33:31How about Joyelle Nicole Johnson?

33:39Or do we think the winner is Megan Gailey?

33:42The winner of tonight's episode of Crowd Control is Megan Gailey.

33:52That's last call here at Crowd Control.

34:00I'm your host, Jackie Zneal.

34:03Reminding you, tip your bartender.

34:06Drive home safe.

34:07And remember, two's company.

34:1043's the crowd control.

34:12Good night, everybody.

34:13Do you ever think doing stand-up you would get shoe shots?

34:20I actually did.

34:23She's pregnant.

34:23Stop it.

34:24Stop it.

34:25Doing like Pajama Sam and like Zoom beanies on the computer.

34:28It's like you're speaking French to me right now.

34:33In the place where a lot of people were dying.

34:35Well, that's called America.

34:37Anyways, hey, buh-buh-buh-buh.

34:39Okay, Luigi.

34:40It hurts.

34:43It hurts.

34:44It hurts.

34:45It hurts.

34:46It hurts.

34:47It hurts.

34:48It hurts.

34:49It hurts.

34:50It hurts.

34:51It hurts.

34:52It hurts.

34:53It hurts.

34:54It hurts.

34:55It hurts.

34:56It hurts.

34:57It hurts.

34:58It hurts.

34:59It hurts.

35:00It hurts.

35:01It hurts.

35:02It hurts.

35:03It hurts.

35:04It hurts.

35:05It hurts.

35:06It hurts.

35:07It hurts.

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