Might and Magic VII (Re)Review | Archaic Fossil Edition™ - video Dailymotion

SsethTzeentach

Might and Magic VII on GOG: https://www.gog.com/en/game/might_and_magic_7_for_blood_and_honor $3 until October 7th  Greyface patch for MM7: https://grayface.github.io/mm/ Download 'Patch for English version of the game' for the MM7 section. Fourth link for optional mouselook settings and configuration.  ----------------------- Send Sseth Shekels: https://www.paypal.me/SsethTzeentachGB Send Sseth Shekels per video:  https://www.patreon.com/Sseth Send Sseth Shekels / crypto: https://www.subscribestar.com/ssethtzeentach  Website: https://www.ssethtzeentach.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/SsethTzeentach FB: https://www.facebook.com/sseth672/

Transcript

00:00Hey hey people, Seth here. Pilgrimage. For some, this means visiting the Vatican or Mecca.

00:05For me, it's replaying my favorite game and subjecting my audience to a series of moldy pixels.

00:10Might and Magic 7, for blood and honor. What it lacks in length and fidelity, it makes up for

00:15by the fact that it's better than any psychological skitter's box released today.

00:20There's a lot of party compositions, and technically, you could finish the game with anything,

00:23but it would be extremely painful. Coincidentally, the default is probably also the most complete

00:28experience. Behold, my party. We pick Goblin Knight for the smoker's voice. You have to choose me.

00:35A sorcerer and a cleric so we can actually have fun, and my thief is simply a product of

00:39socio-economic condition. Emerald Island is the tutorial zone which you can never return to,

00:44which is a shame because it has one of my favorite tracks.

00:47I use the GOG copy of Might and Magic 7. By pure muscle memory, I start torrenting before

01:00remembering that I own it legally and in real life. We use Greyface's patch for Might and Magic 7 to

01:06stretch for widescreen resolution, rearrange the UI, and give us mouse look. Convenience for me is a

01:12necessity for you. You're not going to survive the arrow keys. Lord Markham's treasure hunt is the

01:16basis of our adventure. He wants to pawn off a shitty town of Harmondale in the middle of contested

01:21territory between Arafia and Tularia, which both sides believe rightfully belongs to them. We'll need

01:27several items. A red potion. A perfect mix. A seashell, which you can find stashed to the north.

01:33It's tradition for me to do none of the fighting, as I lure dragonflies to kill half the town. This time,

01:38I keep Mr. Malwick alive. His associates will have a favor to collect on in the future. It's a lot more

01:43fun this way. As for rigging the contest, we don't really need the wand, but it's useful later on.

01:48A hat, which you can trade for a red potion from Brent. A mentally challenged adventurer who can't

01:53make his own. A floor tile, which you get from the Temple of the Moon, along with getting ambushed by

01:58another adventurer for your hat, who is also mentally challenged because there's one in the drawer right

02:03behind him. A longbow, which you find on the floor of the dragon's cave, along with the missing

02:08contestants. And possibly, a dead party member, if you're not fast enough.

02:12Let's get out of here.

02:13And a musical instrument. Wait, what? 500 gold? We'd love to pay you, but I have a different

02:19idea. Originally, I was going to lure her out of town with Alex Jones screaming, and take

02:23it by force. But it turns out, you can pickpocket by pressing control. I killed her anyway.

02:28Locating the missing contestants and completing the treasure hunt gets us a lot of experience,

02:32but we need just a little more. We've been on this island for so long, my party is starting

02:38to go insane. For a normal player, this is when you leave, or you can sequence break your entire

02:49experience. Buff yourself with the Day of the Gods and Fire Resistance Shrine, and go back into the

02:54cave. Then, we spend the next 20 minutes kiting a red dragon, as we chip away at its health bar.

02:59Fun fact, endgame monsters such as dragons and titans have a chance of multi-looting. You click

03:04the body, you get items, and it doesn't disappear. And if it does, you just reload. After save-scumming

03:09for several minutes, I have enough artifacts and equipment to completely spoil my enjoyment of the

03:14game. So, we throw them into the ocean. Tykesha becomes a victim of racial profiling, and is banned

03:21from every store. We train to level 5, and set off to Harmandale.

03:25But first, I have obligations to a client that pays invoices three months late, because I'm not

03:32a bug chaser. I'm a bag chaser, and I'm addicted to the jingle of coin. Warning, under 18s may

03:38currently be watching this video. To verify that you're above 18, please open your mouth in front

03:44of your webcam. Good. Now, move closer and smile for the camera, Goyim. Thanks to new online regulations,

03:50scenes like these are happening all over the world. You could be next. That is, unless you

03:55make the most important decision of your life. Prove to yourself that you have the strength

04:00and courage to be free. Download ExpressVPN.

04:05What's a VPN? Well, let's check Wikipedia.

04:07Okay, let me just enter my driver's license, social security number, and Costco membership.

04:16Just need to submit these and submit my entire identity on a silver platter to every single

04:22website I log into. Because nothing says protecting the kids like forcing them to build their own

04:28perfect database to train AI deepfakes. What could possibly go wrong? So how about we just

04:33don't do that? Ah, there we go. ExpressVPN works by routing all of your online traffic through a

04:39secure encrypted tunnel. Any identifying information, most importantly, your location,

04:43will now come from the endpoint of this tunnel. So if your connection doesn't allow you to see

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04:53you can. Find out that you can get four months free by scanning the QR code on screen, clicking the

04:58link in the description box below or by going to expressvpn.com slash seph. Despite being the

05:04newly made Lords of Harmondale, our own people treat us like dirt. Need a new weapon? Thanks for

05:09nothing, moneybags. The nerve. It's worth visiting every house in town. Everyone has something to say,

05:15a quest to give, or skills to train. Additionally, you can hire NPCs. These can enhance your abilities

05:20or compensate for a lack of them. Officer, he's reaching! That was a close one. Generally,

05:27if they have a name, they can be interacted with. Unless they're called peasant. This is a default name,

05:32like a fantasy version of Muhammad. Say it in public, and 20 people turn around. First order of business,

05:37we need to talk to our geriatric butler. It doesn't look too bad in here. It seems our castle is overrun

05:43with goblins, and it's time to evict them. And now, we draw straws for who gets to pick through

05:49the garbage. I think I'm getting sick. The castle is still a dump. We're too incompetent to fix it,

05:59so we have to ask the dwarves for help. Along the way, we find out Darren's brother Elrond has

06:04disappeared. They were planning to trade Magic the Gathering cards, but as his brother plays a blue

06:09control deck, he is a social pariah, and has taken up residence with a troglodytes in a cave to the

06:15south. We find no trace of him, only a deck of cards and his dead body. I guess we'll never truly

06:21know. Nearby, we can find the Arbiter, who acts as diplomatic mediator between the factions. More

06:26importantly, he can replace quest items without asking what I did to the last one. Before we

06:31proceed, we need promotions. Any skill in white can be trained. Any skill in yellow needs a promotion

06:36to attain, and those in red are restricted by your class. We could pursue anything, but personally,

06:41I hate walking. I want to fly and defecate openly on people's heads. To this end, we have to go to

06:46the worst area in the game, Bracada Desert. Nothing is reachable except by teleporter. Everything is a

06:52platforming nightmare, and there's a wishing well in town that only grants a single wish. Death.

06:58I am so dead. For the sorcerer promotion, we need to build a golem. Unfortunately, the eBay seller has

07:04misdelivered all the parts and offers no refund. We have to track them all down from the bill of sale.

07:09Naturally, none of this is explained to you. Also, the chest contains a faulty head, which will cause

07:14the golem to go berserk. So, let's go get the real one. Next stop is Barrow Downs, another area that

07:20sucks. Ghosts cause artificial aging, gogs explode on death, and I fail to disarm the next chest.

07:28Oops. Good thing I have insurance. Next is Tattalia. I meant to have water walking to reach this island,

07:33but that's skill points I don't want to spend.

07:39Though you have been defeated, death is not your fate today.

07:45I'm starting to think. Disarm trap expert might not be enough. Okay, I got humbled. Water walking

07:51is a necessity for the Avli shipment. I got murked by the water elemental several times and had to

07:56reload. But it's all worth it, because the last two shipments are in Deja.

08:00Whoa. We trail around town to avoid a restraining order, slaughter some harpies,

08:06and get our remaining parts. We assemble our golem and turn our sorcerer into a wizard. Now,

08:11we're traversing in style. You don't have to do it in this order, but it makes our other

08:15promotions easier. For knight to cavalier, we have to clear out a haunted house in Barrow Downs,

08:20during which Rogan develops a fluoride stare. Unfortunately, the only person who can cure

08:24paralysis is currently paralyzed. So I have to reload for a thief into rogue. To even be able

08:30to talk to our quest giver, we need to fight past British teenagers. Inside, the rankest septic tank

08:36sewer gutter. And then, we need to pay Lord Markham a visit and dash out with his antique vase. This is

08:41widely considered to be one of the hardest first promotions, which can also be completed in under 12

08:47seconds. And finally, for cleric to priest, we need to find the navigational map to Evermourne Islands.

08:56With everyone promoted, now's a good time to visit the warlocks and learn master water magic.

09:01Unfortunately, they're only accessible through a set of shitty tunnels under Stone City. Beholders put

09:06you to sleep and make you insane. And minotaur lords have a chance to cause instant death. We're not

09:11even going to try fighting them right now. Instead, we go invisible and sneak past them. Mind the hitboxes.

09:17Even a light brush against the frenulum is game over for us. Town Portal is a major convenience for

09:23getting around, which is why the trainer has to be located in the most inconvenient location in the

09:29game. As our party is geared and skilled up, we can proceed with the story. Oh, what a waste of time.

09:35Unfortunately, Taikisha is arrested for an unpaid parking ticket and we go to prison. A year later,

09:40we've served our sentence and can finally talk to the king. It seems his dwarves went off to romance the

09:46Medusas, who didn't take kindly to the advances of our short kings, turning them into stone. Everyone we need to

09:52rescue is on the top level and we never actually have to interact with a single Medusa. However, sabotaging the

09:58elevator suspension is still free XP. We return our manlets to the king. He sends out his engineers and advises us to

10:05watch our backs. As the first lords of Harmondale that aren't completely incompetent, we're forced

10:10into politics. The castle may be fully repaired, but now it's occupied by vultures. Arafia and

10:16Avli are at war, and they've sent their ambassadors to try and forge an alliance. Humans currently hold

10:22the border, which the elves claim was stolen during the Timber Wars. Neither of them recognize my

10:27legitimate claim to the land. As collector of several knickknacks on a remote island, because of

10:31this, we're going to play both sides. Queen Catherine wants us to extract her spy before he's executed,

10:36while King Parson wants the floor plans to Fort Riverstride. Budget cuts and austerity have hit the

10:42military, as you'll be hacking through elves armed with branches and women armored from head to toe,

10:47but nothing in between. As the war is ongoing, these quests are timed. In a month's time,

10:51they'll call for a ceasefire. Both will go prey at the Wailing Wall in Bracotta, and everything goes back

10:57to usual. You can choose to screw over each side by asking the king for a lookalike, and the queen for a

11:02fake set of blueprints. However, this grants less experience, and prior to the patch, none at all.

11:07Bizarrely, you can also choose to screw someone over, feel bad about it, confess to their leader,

11:12and get executed. Which has no impact on your ability to make small talk with the king. And now,

11:17we wait around, gawking at the caked-up elven peasants. Hate to see him go. Love to watch him leave.

11:24I don't want to go back to jail. So, our next best option to advance the story is spend a few months

11:29training. When we get back, Judge Gray has a heart attack. As Lords of Harmondale,

11:34we reserve a right to choose his successor. This is where the game branches off, so I recommend

11:39saving beforehand. Judge Fairweather represents the Wizards of Bracotta, and successfully negotiates

11:44a peace treaty between Arafi and Avli. Judge Sleen represents the Necromancers of Deja,

11:50and lets our sorcerer do all the talking. I don't want to see him kissing goblins,

11:54or if you catch him in bed with a goblin. If you're going to have babies with a goblin,

11:57you're going to marry a goblin. Understandably, this leads to all-out war,

12:01but a lot of fresh bodies for our new allies. Welcome to the Path of Dark. The Pit is a fire

12:07hazard of winding corridors. Homeowners Association would have a word about this.

12:11Goblin grub, good. But hey, we have much more charming residents. Uncle Ba's looking rough since

12:17he sprained that ankle. Good thing we've got the NHS. We need to see Archibald, which is more

12:22difficult than it sounds, because if I follow the guard's instructions, I'll accidentally enter a

12:26restricted area and get torn to pieces. For our initiation, we have to reach the end of a

12:32shithole. I can't decide what's worse, kiting two dozen Bayomoths in a corridor, or getting jump-scared

12:37by a trap that's 20 decibels louder than anything else in a game. Colloquially known as the Waffle

12:44House that Never Sleeps, you have to complete the Breeding Zone in a single try, as leaving will

12:49reset the area. It's worth the suffering, because we get access to dark magic. Or so I thought.

12:54Members only. Time for our second promotions. For Cavalier to Black Knight, we have to rob the

13:00elven treasury. For Priest into Priest of Dark, we have to deface the altar in the Temple of the Sun.

13:05Both completely trivial. For Rogue to Assassin, we have to assassinate Lady Carmine, a diplomat who

13:10defected to the wizard's court. There's a horde of angels between her, so we have to go invisible.

13:15On the way there, I get distracted. As Tykesha goes for the throat, I realize she's a friendly NPC,

13:32and accidentally talk to her instead. Oops. It's time to leave, but as Celeste is in the sky,

13:37all we have to do is jump. All that's left is the main reason for going dark, transforming our wizard

13:48into a lich. The ritual requires a soul jar as our phylactery, and we're all out. But there's a stolen

13:54shipment stashed inside the walls of mist. We get no experience from fighting here, so it's best to go

13:59invisible. This gives us a narrow time window between puzzle solving and staring at the backsides of

14:04genies. Pain is temporary. Lichdom is forever. And if you become a girl lich, you get pretty pink

14:10princess eyes instead. The forbidden pickle jar must never be consumed or thrown away. Attempt to do so,

14:16and you'll quickly find out why. Just as we finish our promotions, we get a letter from an old friend.

14:21Niles Stanley, Mr. Malwick's employer, has come to collect on his favor. He wants us to steal a tapestry

14:27from Castle Gloaming. Doing this is a horrible idea, as it locks me out of story progression for at least a

14:32year of game time. But if I don't comply in a month's time, he's going to send starving adventurers

14:38and malnourished goblins to attack Harmandale. This isn't even a threat. It's an invitation to a good

14:43time. So we let the timer tick down, and watch as my golem solos the entire raid. We celebrate by

14:49giving our goblin so many BBLs. She becomes the living ship of Theseus, with no original parts. Is she

14:56still Nicki Minaj? Or simply an automaton animated by Cellulite? It's worth doing the other promotions.

15:03If not for the experience alone, then to see what kind of bullshit you have to survive for the other

15:07classes. Which include basic cryptography, for which you have to bust out the pen and paper. The hardest

15:13promotion in the game, which forces you to visit the endgame land of the giants to steal a dragon egg.

15:18And of course, kidnapping a child for Bill Gates. What can I say? I walked, so Epstein could run.

15:24All that's left is to finish the story. After deactivating the teleporter shielding from

15:29Clanker's laboratory, retrieving a new shipment of Souljars, and rejoining the two altarpieces from

15:34the Temple of Light and Dark, Archibald's advisors stage a coup and overthrow him. Time for some quick

15:40lore. These are the adventurers from Might and Magic 3, Isles of Terra, whose starship was thrown off

15:45course and crash-landed on Enroth. At which point, the group had a schism. Resurrectra, Sir Canahem,

15:51and Craghack left for the court of Gavin Magnus. While Castor, Darkshade, and Sir Maximus joined the

15:56Necromancers in Deja. Both have very different plans, but the same objective. The Oscillation

16:02Overfruster aboard the Lincoln. But we need a control cube to get in. Which only they possess.

16:08Every character listed is someone's precious OC. So, for the upcoming assassination, we have to act

16:13like Robert the Wise and Tolberti. We're just there all along. Avoiding this boss fight is the single

16:19solitary reason for having a thief, as we may simply pinch the control cube from his pocket.

16:24But I want his blicky, which is more complicated, as he can eradicate two people at once with a

16:29single attack. However, Grandmaster Protection for Magic is completely busted and required for this

16:34encounter. Like an ancestral memory from the drive-bys of my forefathers, simply touching the

16:40Glock awakens primordial knowledge of how to use it. Visions of 7-Eleven stores and Indian gas station

16:46attendants swim across my psyche. The barrel cries out to me. It says,

16:51Point me at a pregnant mother. Afterwards, Castor sends us to kill Xenifex and destroy the local

16:56devil cluster. Along the way, with the help of his brother, we rescue Roland Ironfist, but not before

17:02enjoying the view. As thanks for saving her husband, Queen Catherine pardons Archibald and exiles him to

17:08Clanker's Laboratory. DoorDash arrives twice a week, and if he doesn't eat his greens, he doesn't get

17:13pudding. Finally, we have to board the Lincoln. Luckily, the environmental wetsuits come in child

17:17size for our dwarf. Unluckily, this area sucks, and a ship filled with one-shotting Terminators

17:22is even worse. Castor restores the Heavenly Forge, which he uses to 3D print a billion guns

17:41and chimp out. Originally, this was the canonical ending, which would explain the appearance of a

17:46Forge faction in the upcoming expansion to Heroes 3. People didn't like it because it's sci-fi. I

17:51didn't like it because it looked shit. The canon ending is we reactivate the gate system to reach

17:56Webstation 5, and access other worlds seeded by the ancients in the spinward rim, many of which are

18:01isolated and unknown to the devils. So, that's Might and Magic 7. 26 years old, and still as good as the

18:08day it released, there's a myriad of guides and resources, which is partially why I never explained

18:12very much. The other reason being that I got tired, and I didn't feel like doing it. Each time I feel

18:17anxious about a video, I look at this picture of a divorced mother of three and immediately feel

18:22better, because whatever I'm going through, she's got it ten times worse. As always, more content to

18:28come, so stay tuned. Your gold is safe with us. A warm thanks to the many members of the Merchants Guild,

18:35generously funding and bankrolling these videos. To play you out, here is Paul Anthony Romero,

18:39the game's composer.

19:09The game's composer, and I'm very proud of the new members of the ihnen. So I'm a

19:11fan of the new members of the

19:11group's

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