Elin Review | Taxation Not Optional™ - video Dailymotion

SsethTzeentach

3 months of my mental decline condensed into a single video.   Cheapest addiction you'll ever buy. It's magical.  $19.99 on Steam. https://store.steampowered.com/app/2135150/Elin/  ----------------------- Send Sseth Shekels: https://www.paypal.me/SsethTzeentachGB Send Sseth Shekels per video:  https://www.patreon.com/Sseth Send Sseth Shekels / crypto: https://www.subscribestar.com/ssethtzeentach  Website: https://www.ssethtzeentach.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/SsethTzeentach FB: https://www.facebook.com/sseth672/

Transcript

00:00Hey hey people, Seth here. I broke my microphone again. These lines come directly from a $10 webcam.

00:06Ellen has reached early access. This is the equivalent of the CIA putting crack in black

00:11neighborhoods, but for the neurodivergent community. Ellen is a game where I imprison

00:15the elderly, turn them into livestock, and have them lay eggs to make a new generation of senior

00:20citizen. Naturally, every grandpa starts off as a baby, needs to be breastfed by other grandpas

00:25until they come of age, and fed a staple diet of pastured hay to grow old and brittle. At which

00:30point, I mount them to a wheel of pain to generate electricity, so I can power my lights and watch

00:35Sailor Moon. I have a lack of beds, so there's a tower of pensioners stacked on top of each other

00:40every night. Each day, my population explodes, as a hot spring incubates faster than an actual womb,

00:46and each day it contracts, as I put a for sale sticker on grandpa's forehead. Legally, I have a

00:51license. Morally, I pay the church. In the same fashion as Bill Gates tortures his body double

00:56every day to evade karma, as long as I buy a letter of indulgence, I can sell 20 pensioners and still

01:02work off my karmic debt. I'm an upstanding citizen. They are untouchables, and I will not

01:07reincarnate into a water bug. But first, a message from our sponsor. At Raytheon, we don't just build

01:13missiles. We build memories. At Raytheon, we don't just neutralize civilians. We vaporize them.

01:24Raytheon. Because it's not just a forever war. It's a forever family. As the successor to Elota,

01:32which I reviewed over seven years ago, Ellen is a sandbox adventure like no other. Build a base.

01:37Open your mailbox. Receive spam in the form of a suicide bomber. Cultivate 3 billion crop strains

01:43for testosterone. Open a tourist trap and scam them for terrible prices. Deliver vomit and feces

01:49for children's birthdays. Poison unsuspecting townsfolk. Get engaged to your child bride.

01:55Send her to be stoned at the gallows. Pickpocket her engagement ring. Marry a slime instead.

01:59Play music. Get shot dead because they didn't like your performance. Bake bread by nuking raw flour.

02:05Wish for a Glock 17. Receive a railgun. Read goblin smut to learn their weakness.

02:10Throw your smut in the trash can and make the trash pregnant. Punch a hermit crab for so long

02:15it levels up. Enjoy hallucinations. Get cursed. Realize the cursed item you're wearing is made of

02:22food and eat it directly from your body. Get jumped by a pack of cows. Comply with their demands and

02:27brush their fur. Capture a bomb rock and host it as a parasite. Use its suicide attack to strip mine

02:32dungeons. Buy a tent. Use a paper material hammer to turn it into a portable pocket plane.

02:38Worship every god. Receive their apostles and artifacts. Abandon every single one of them.

02:43Roll a succubus and prostitution max your way to insane stats. Murder someone's son in cold blood.

02:49Bake their meat into a rotisserie chicken. Shit out a dream larva and blend it into the food.

02:54Feed it to their parent and make them fall in love with you. Make everyone love you so hard

02:58you recruit the entire city. Turn the king into a broomstick and ride him as he calls me a fat

03:03ass and tells me to lose weight. Whip him until he turns to prostitution. Some may describe Ellen as a

03:08bizarre Japanese fantasy where you enact outlandish policies such as human rights or a mandate for

03:14everyone to wear panties. But that's not fully accurate. It's about paying tax. The karmic weight

03:20of missing my monthly tax deadline is 40 times more serious than unloading an assault rifle on a

03:25homeless beggar. This is a fantasy. Funded by the IRS and TurboTax. On being asked his intentions for

03:31the game, Noah, the developer, had this to say. I simulate Tokyo Sari-man. You make no money

03:38because everybody live to 110 year old. And then you take your own life. Game costs 20 buck. Real good.

03:46Game costs 20 buck. Real good.

03:48You could be a chaos gene stealer with more hands than limbs. We don't care. Pay the state or suffer

03:55the consequences. This game's entire premise is about you getting suckered into owning land by two

04:00contract killers. Then sucker someone else into 20 million in debt for that same property. There's

04:06intrigue, politics, and lore. Which you can ignore entirely as you read everyone's death log. Which

04:11moves very quickly and contains a lot of slurs. Most of them from me. But I prefer this multiplayer.

04:16As taking the Moongate to visit a random Japanese base will instantly depress me. As I see his

04:21beautiful creation. And compare it to my own Oblock Ghetto Favela. You can even put custom sprites.

04:27Half the time, this is animated smut. This is preferable to getting one shot by a death trap

04:32the instant you spawn in. Or seeing a Boeing 767 approaching two skyscrapers. Or loading into

04:38Outer Epstein. Which has a one tile entrance that takes off your clothes. Players will see their

04:43options for a pet. And most will pick the little girl. But if I throw a hormone drug in her face,

04:48she becomes a little boy. This presents the duality of a player base. Pedophile or pederast. Look,

04:54this is a setting where the surface went extinct and got repopulated by a cosmic mushroom. Whose

04:59only reference point for how biology works is Japanese Daujins. That's why everyone lays eggs.

05:05Because he didn't know any better. Everything is an opaque, esoteric mechanism with poor documentation.

05:11Which the community abuses and exploits until Noah figures out a hotfix or workaround for their

05:17shenanigans. This is ignoring the fact that half the game is designed to troll you. Tick an innocent

05:22menu option to auto-pick up fish. Die instantly because you picked up a whale. Drink from a water

05:27source. Mutate horrifically. Play on permadeath. Slip on a banana peel in the Village of Atonement

05:32and lose everything. Get AIDS. Catching ether disease is a natural part of gameplay and progresses

05:38if left untreated. How do you do that? By playing basketball. To cure your magically inflicted AIDS,

05:45you must become Michael Jordan. The casino chips you earn can then be used for higher stakes gambling.

05:50This game is a constant gaslight. I came into this expecting fun. Now I'm paying tax and addicted to

05:56slot machines. I hope you didn't take an oath before starting your character. Because the blackjack table

06:02rigged. Save scum your way to the cure and live life as normal. There are alternatives. But that

06:07requires kidnapping little girls. Memes aside, what is this? It's single-player runescape with no level

06:12cap and a crafting system that lets you recreate nearly everything you see. Towns. Winter hot springs.

06:19Beach resorts. You can even walk off ashore and build underwater. Everything builds into something,

06:24which can be dismantled to make everything else. Material alchemy is an art form, which lets us

06:29mine out entire dungeons and turn copper to cocaine. Nothing I say is an embellishment. I throw alcohol

06:35at my blue-eyes white dragon, have sex with it, and end my turn. Understanding esoteric systems by

06:40absorbing every wiki article is the bulk of your experience. You don't have to know Japanese,

06:45but they're more informative than the porn-sick groomers that make up this game's English community,

06:50which is why they're partitioned away in an apartheid state. First starting off,

06:54any race or class is viable, and the possibilities are endless. You're a fat, ugly, Polish whore.

07:00Or you're, I don't know, Jewish person. You're a black person. You're a rapist.

07:07A Wraith Executioner can use mana as a second health bar. Combine this with worshipping Itzpalt

07:12or Haromi and you have an infinite health bar. Chaos Shape Inquisitor lets you save scum for hours

07:17and ask if it's truly worth it, as you enter the void and get soundballed repeatedly. Or,

07:22if you're a masochist, you can pick Snail Tourist and put on permadeath. Everything now costs twice

07:27as much, but the trade-off is that salt kills you. My Jewry Warrior isn't meta. Her perk is garbage,

07:34and ultimately, it doesn't matter, because I bring a small army wherever I go. Do not feel limited by

07:40your choices. With enough investment, you can make anything work. Your objective is always the same.

07:45Get stronger by getting richer, so you can get even stronger to get even richer. Material capital

07:51will fuel your physical sociopathy. There's an infinite number of ways to do this,

07:56and these are simply suggestions. Invite residents to work your land and perform jobs and hobbies,

08:01such as gaming, gambling, gotcha, prostitution, and self-harm. Set up delegated farming and automate

08:08crop rotations for passive income. Grow honey. Turn it into wine. Grow mushrooms. Turn it into wine.

08:14Catch fish. Turn it into wine. Get paid a salary because people want to visit. Not for my impressive

08:19displays, but because I've stolen incredibly expensive panties from different NPCs. The main

08:24way of getting stats is eating food. Thus, our only obstacle is our stomach. So, we apply the secret

08:30teenage girl technique of vomit maxing. We eat, we throw up, and then we eat even more,

08:36as we watch our maid pick up vomit like the peasant she is. It's hard to gauge these values. Luckily,

08:41there's a variety of graphical and gameplay mods to augment your experience, automate tasks,

08:46and replace sprites with the horniest coomb bait you've ever seen. Ampreg Scott the Waas milking

08:52machine? Sign me up. On top of this, the game itself has a lot of quality of life convenience.

08:57You can auto-dump your entire inventory, configure resource distributions, and even just Ctrl-F to

09:03search for anything on the map. Everything is completely customizable. In my case, I've gone off

09:08a deep end and could no longer see what I'm doing. This is a game with problems and solutions,

09:12and dealing with the problems you cause along the way. Mass monsters are a special creature

09:17that multiply upon taking damage. There's a spawn limit of 20 monsters entering your base at any

09:23time. Taming a mass monster, putting it on the gallows, and sealing its offspring on a set of tiles

09:2810 Z levels higher seemed like a great idea. Until I visited my base again, only to find out

09:34everyone is dead. It turns out two of my NPCs are coded to teleport directly to enemies, causing them to

09:40split and spill into the base, where everyone is too weak to one-shot them. So they infinitely

09:45replicate until they fill the entire screen. Conversely, the final boss is too hard for me

09:50to kill. By pure chance, I loaded into some Japanese guy's base, which had residents who

09:55were level 250,000. They're so high level, they take 30 steps for each of mine, which they spent

10:02on gambling, drinking, vomiting, and passing out at high velocity. I fed them aphrodisiacs,

10:07and one of them laid an egg. Microwaving an egg has a chance of exploding, which is incredibly

10:12funny in the middle of an orphanage. Explosion strength is tied to quality, and this one is

10:172,773. I heat the egg, and one-shot Inos, my party, and myself. This might seem ridiculous,

10:25but the Japanese have already killed him with a beach ball and a banana peel. NPCs hold beach balls

10:30in their inventory when thrown at, and this one was modified by several thousand cursed scrolls of

10:35flying to weigh 10,000. So when Ino spawns in and charges, he slips in a banana peel and is crushed

10:42to death. The world is your autism playground. Join all the guilds, learn all the skills, whip

10:48pensioners on your cotton plantation. It's your fantasy. Now back to work, cracker. I'm not here

10:53to tell you that unless you've got insanely high taming and throw love potions at a spiral king deep

10:58in the void so you can feed that breast milk to a chicken, so you can genetically engineer him into

11:03the strongest creature in the game that you haven't played the game. There's no win condition, only your

11:09creativity. So choose a goal, a direction, or a hyperfixation, and the rest is up to you. For as many

11:15turbo-level Japanese hypersweats that level 3 billion in the void, there's just as many who haven't even

11:20left their own base. So rest assured that no matter where you're at, there's some guy who spent his entire

11:26playthrough cultivating mushrooms. Who has more money than the entire economy? In short, I love Ellen.

11:31It's a very sweet, beautiful, and calming game that I can't help coming back to. The developer doesn't

11:37sleep. He pushes a new unstable build every night, and I wish him the very best. There's enough content

11:42for several hundred hours, and it just keeps getting better. I thoroughly recommend it. As always,

11:48more content to come, so stay tuned. This video is dedicated to my ops, because I had a script ready

11:53after 50 hours, until I saw someone write a critical thesis about my Elona video, took it to heart,

11:59and played another free 50. It was only later brought to my attention that the man who affected

12:05me so is a barely literate weeaboo who paid thousands of dollars for his cringe OC to be put into the game.

12:11He did all this so I could turn his waifu into a burger. A warm thanks to the many members of the

12:18Merchants Guild, generously funding and bankrolling these videos. You're all truly wonderful. Have a good one.

12:54Bye.

12:56Bye.

Elin Review | Taxation Not Optional™

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