- 22 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01:32Hey, baby.
00:01:34I'm, like, pretty tall.
00:01:37Damn it.
00:01:38Cut it out.
00:01:39I'm trying to score.
00:01:41No way, Beavos.
00:01:46I fought first.
00:01:49Damn it.
00:01:51You bunghole.
00:01:53Whoa.
00:01:54Hey, how's it going?
00:01:57Hey.
00:01:58No way, Beavos.
00:01:59I fought first.
00:02:00Damn it.
00:02:01I'm gonna kick your ass.
00:02:02Beavos, I fought first.
00:02:04Get out of here.
00:02:05Damn it.
00:02:06Ah!
00:02:07Butt it!
00:02:08Butt it!
00:02:09Hey, Butt it!
00:02:10Oh, no.
00:02:11Butt it!
00:02:12Butt it!
00:02:13Butt it!
00:02:14Wake up!
00:02:15Butt it!
00:02:16Damn it, Beavos.
00:02:18I was about to score.
00:02:20Yeah, but check it out.
00:02:21It's gone.
00:02:23Uh...
00:02:24What?
00:02:25The TV!
00:02:26Uh...
00:02:27Oh, yeah.
00:02:28Well, where is it?
00:02:29I don't know.
00:02:30I just woke up, and it was gone.
00:02:31And look, the window's broken, too.
00:02:32I'll get a hundred bucks for this baby.
00:02:33Oops.
00:02:34No.
00:02:35Hmm.
00:02:36Uh...
00:02:37Uh...
00:02:38Oh, no.
00:02:39Uh...
00:02:40Uh...
00:02:41Uh...
00:02:42Uh...
00:02:43Uh...
00:02:44Uh...
00:02:45Uh...
00:02:46Uh...
00:02:47Uh...
00:02:48Uh...
00:02:49Uh...
00:02:50Uh...
00:02:51Uh...
00:02:52Uh...
00:02:53Uh...
00:02:54Uh...
00:02:56Uh...
00:02:57Uh...
00:02:58Uh...
00:02:59Uh...
00:03:00Uh...
00:03:01Uh...
00:03:02Uh...
00:03:03Uh...
00:03:04Uh...
00:03:05Uh...
00:03:06Whoa!
00:03:07I think I just figured something out, Beavis.
00:03:09Uh...
00:03:10What?
00:03:11Uh...
00:03:12This sucks.
00:03:13Uh...
00:03:14Yeah.
00:03:15Uh...
00:03:16It really sucks.
00:03:17Uh...
00:03:18This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
00:03:21We must find this butthole that took our TV.
00:03:24Uh...
00:03:25Uh...
00:03:26Uh...
00:03:27Uh...
00:03:30A couple of mean guys with fire in their eyes, known by the names of beavis and Utah
00:03:45A couple of mean guys with fire in their eyes. Known by the names of them. Yeah. They'll chew you up and spit you out beyond a doubt. It pays not to mess with them. You got it.
00:04:15If you cross Beavis and Buddyhead, they will throw down and blow your ass away. Know what I'm saying?
00:04:45Ah, yes!
00:04:50Yes!
00:05:11Uh, it's not in here.
00:05:13What are we gonna do, butthead? What if we never find it?
00:05:19Settle down, Beavis.
00:05:25Hey, wait a minute. Where are we going? I don't want to go to school. We gotta find our TV.
00:05:30Shut up, Beavis. I got an idea.
00:05:36Let's just wheel this thing back to the house.
00:05:40Yeah.
00:05:43Uh, hey, excuse me, boys. What's going on here?
00:05:49Uh, someone stole our TV.
00:05:52Yeah, we're just gonna use this one. Get out of the way.
00:05:55I'm afraid that TV belongs to the school. Okay?
00:06:00You know, this could be a really positive experience for you guys.
00:06:04There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover that we don't need TV to entertain us.
00:06:09You thought, ain't us.
00:06:15Entertain us, ain't us. Oh, yeah.
00:06:18Have you guys heard a word I've said?
00:06:21Uh...
00:06:22Yeah. Ain't us.
00:06:23Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I heard it too. I mean...
00:06:28Look, guys. Just take the TV back to the AV room right now.
00:06:33And try to be a little more open to life experiences. Okay?
00:06:37What a dork.
00:06:41Yeah, yeah.
00:06:43Get it over here.
00:06:45Yeah.
00:06:47Oh, wait a minute. No.
00:06:48No!
00:06:50No!
00:06:52That was cool.
00:06:53No, it wasn't!
00:06:55Uh...
00:06:56Oh, yeah.
00:06:57Uh...
00:06:59Uh...
00:07:00What's going on out here?
00:07:01Oh, no!
00:07:03Uh...
00:07:04That belongs to the school.
00:07:05Yeah.
00:07:06It's supposed to be in the AV room.
00:07:08Uh, get back here!
00:07:10Uh...
00:07:11Beavis and Butthead!
00:07:12Uh, you're both expelled!
00:07:14Uh...
00:07:15Cool.
00:07:19Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
00:07:21I don't know Anderson had a camper.
00:07:24Yeah.
00:07:25Maybe I have a TV.
00:07:30Oh, hello.
00:07:31Are you boys here to look at the refrigerator?
00:07:33Uh...
00:07:34No.
00:07:36We're here to look at the TV.
00:07:38Oh, Tom didn't tell me it was broken. Go on in.
00:07:42Cool.
00:07:46Well, that ought to hold her.
00:07:48You know, the most important thing you can have on a camper is a good butane regulator.
00:07:54And this here's the best one they make.
00:07:57I sure hope we can get that fridge fixed.
00:07:59Now, Marcy, we've been planning and saving up for this trip our whole lives.
00:08:03And we're gonna go, come hell or high water.
00:08:06What in the hell is that?
00:08:12Must be them damn buzzard hogs.
00:08:15I've got something to drink.
00:08:16Ah!
00:08:25This crab is warm.
00:08:27Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
00:08:29Ah! No! No!
00:08:31Damn it!
00:08:35Hey, what the hell's going on here?
00:08:37They're here to fix the TV, Tom.
00:08:39What? The TV ain't broken.
00:08:41Uh, yeah it is.
00:08:43Yeah.
00:08:45Hey, wait a minute.
00:08:47You two look kinda familiar.
00:08:49Ain't you them kids that have been whacking off in my tool shed?
00:08:52Hehehehe.
00:08:53Oh!
00:08:54Come on.
00:09:00We still don't have a TV, butthead.
00:09:03I know, Beavis.
00:09:05Dammit! I can't sleep without a TV!
00:09:08Dumbass.
00:09:09What's your problem, Deva?
00:09:19I need TV!
00:09:22I need TV now!
00:09:24Damn it!
00:09:26Whoa!
00:09:28TV?
00:09:30Yeah, yeah!
00:09:31TV!
00:09:33TV!
00:09:35Damn it!
00:09:38Uh, no.
00:09:40Damn it!
00:09:42Uh, no.
00:09:48You sure these guys can pull this off, Earl?
00:09:53It's gotta look like an accident.
00:10:00Oh! Oh, yeah!
00:10:03Oh!
00:10:07Peavis and Butthead!
00:10:08Oh, you little bastards!
00:10:10We watch your TV!
00:10:12No!
00:10:13You're expelled!
00:10:15Now get outta here!
00:10:17Wait a minute!
00:10:18Damn it!
00:10:19I need a TV now!
00:10:21We're missing everything!
00:10:24Yeah, hold on a minute.
00:10:25That must be them now.
00:10:27Yeah, I'll call you back.
00:10:28Come in!
00:10:29Come in!
00:10:34You're late!
00:10:36Really?
00:10:37Did we miss Baywatch?
00:10:44Man, Earl said you guys were young, but...
00:10:47Jeez!
00:10:49Oh, well.
00:10:50As long as you can get the job done.
00:10:51What are your names?
00:10:52Uh...
00:10:53Butt-Head?
00:10:56Oh, I mean Beavis?
00:10:59Well, that's alright.
00:11:00I'd rather not know your real names anyway.
00:11:02Mine's muddy.
00:11:03Now look.
00:11:04I'm gonna get right to the point.
00:11:05I'll pay you ten grand plus expenses, all payable, after you do her.
00:11:09Uh...
00:11:10Do her?
00:11:11Uh...
00:11:12That's right.
00:11:13Do her!
00:11:14I'm offering you ten thousand dollars, plus expenses to do my wife.
00:11:17We got a deal?
00:11:19Um...
00:11:20Actually, we just wanna watch TV.
00:11:21Shut up, Beavis.
00:11:23Uh...
00:11:24Yeah.
00:11:25We'll do your wife.
00:11:27No!
00:11:28I wanna watch TV!
00:11:30Damn it, Beavis.
00:11:31You butt-munch.
00:11:32This guy wants us to score with his wife.
00:11:35And he's gonna pay us.
00:11:38We can buy a new TV.
00:11:41Really?
00:11:43Cool.
00:11:45Uh...
00:11:46We'll do it, sir.
00:11:48Well, alright then.
00:11:49Let's get down to business.
00:11:51Here she is, boys.
00:11:53Her name's Dallas.
00:11:54She ain't as sweet as she looks.
00:11:57She stole everything from me.
00:11:58You gotta watch out, cause she'll do you twice as fast as you do her.
00:12:02Whoa.
00:12:04Cool.
00:12:06Yeah.
00:12:07She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas.
00:12:09I got your room right next to hers.
00:12:12Your flight leaves in an hour.
00:12:13Come on.
00:12:14I'll drive you to the airport.
00:12:16Hold up.
00:12:20Hold.
00:12:22Can we watch some TV first?
00:12:26No.
00:12:30Hey, listen to me.
00:12:32And this is real important.
00:12:33My wife's got this leather...
00:12:35Satchel.
00:12:36It's a black bag.
00:12:37About this big.
00:12:38I need you to bring it back, boys.
00:12:41Sentimental value, you know what I mean?
00:12:43Any questions so far?
00:12:45Uh...
00:12:46Does she have big hooters?
00:12:49Yeah, she sure does.
00:12:53This is gonna be cold.
00:13:01Yeah, you guys are funny.
00:13:02Let's have a drink on it, eh?
00:13:13Now, don't let me down.
00:13:18We're gonna get paid to score.
00:13:20Then we're gonna get a big screen TV.
00:13:25With two remotes.
00:13:27Beavis.
00:13:28This is the greatest day of our lives.
00:13:39Here you are.
00:13:42Hey, Beavis.
00:13:44She touched my butt.
00:13:48Hello there.
00:13:50Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
00:13:53Yeah.
00:13:54We're gonna score.
00:13:56Well, I hope to score big there myself.
00:13:59I'm mostly gonna be doing the sluts.
00:14:02Yeah, I'm hoping to do some sluts, too.
00:14:05Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
00:14:08There's so many sluts who won't know where to begin.
00:14:11Whoa.
00:14:12Hey, buddy.
00:14:13This chick is pretty cool.
00:14:14She said there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
00:14:17Cool.
00:14:19It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
00:14:24Yeah.
00:14:26They come and have money and a big screen TV,
00:14:28and there's gonna be sluts everywhere.
00:14:30It's gonna roll.
00:14:32Oh, that's nice.
00:14:34We ask that you turn your attention at this time
00:14:35to the front of the cabin for pre-flight safety instructions.
00:14:37To fasten your seat belt, insert the free end into the coupling.
00:14:41If you are seated in the-
00:14:42In the third.
00:14:46Uh...
00:14:48Uh...
00:14:50Damn it.
00:14:52Uh...
00:14:54Hi. Can I help you with that?
00:14:55There you go. All set.
00:14:59I love you.
00:15:01Hey, cut it out! I want her to do it.
00:15:03Come to Butthead.
00:15:05Flight Attendance, please prepare for take-off.
00:15:07Damn it.
00:15:08Hey, wait a minute. Hey. What's going on? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
00:15:12Come to Butthead.
00:15:14Flight Attendance, please prepare for take-off.
00:15:17Damn it.
00:15:19Hey, wait a minute. Hey. Hey. What's going on? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
00:15:25Ah! We're gonna die!
00:15:28Ah! We're all gonna die!
00:15:31Come to Butthead.
00:15:32Uh, could you like, do that thing with my belt again?
00:15:44Uh...
00:15:50Uh. Yeah. This is her.
00:15:52Oh, she looks lovely.
00:15:55I'm probably gonna make out with her first before we uh, you know, get down. You know what I'm saying?
00:16:01I'm sorry you have to speak up son I have this ringing in my ears my doctor
00:16:07says it could be related to my heart palpitations really I poop too much
00:16:15maybe you're lactose intolerant I mean no no I poop too much and then I get
00:16:23tired oh well I know all about tired here I have just a thing for you take a
00:16:33couple of these they've hurt me right up
00:16:38oh
00:16:41it's like crap
00:16:43oh
00:16:45go right ahead help yourself
00:16:49oh
00:16:53going to Las Vegas
00:16:58hi we're serving dinner now our selections tonight are chicken piccata
00:17:21or seafood gumbo
00:17:23oh excuse me does the gumbo have corn in it I am Cornholio I need piccata for my
00:17:28bunghole you'll have to wait your turn sir are you threatening me my bunghole will
00:17:33not wait
00:17:40hey I got a beer
00:17:43want fun
00:17:46I am Cornholio
00:17:53oh
00:17:55get the hell out of the cockpit
00:17:57you said
00:17:58no
00:18:00welcome to Las Vegas
00:18:07shuttle service
00:18:08this is Las Vegas
00:18:11yeah
00:18:12yeah
00:18:13I thought there'd be like casinos and lights and stuff
00:18:16this isn't very good
00:18:18attention please
00:18:20like seven
00:18:21hey butted
00:18:22why's that guy holding a sign
00:18:23uh
00:18:24maybe he's blind
00:18:26check this out
00:18:28he'll
00:18:31he'll
00:18:33uh
00:18:35uh
00:18:36excuse me
00:18:37huh
00:18:38you guys wouldn't know where I could find these guys would you
00:18:41uh
00:18:45B A B A B B B
00:18:47I'm Bob. Boo. Boot. Someone named Boot.
00:18:53This says Beavis.
00:18:55And Boothead.
00:18:58That's Butthead.
00:19:00Don't you get it, Beavis? These dudes have the same name as us.
00:19:04Whoa, really? We should party.
00:19:07This way, sirs.
00:19:10Where are those guys?
00:19:13Where the hell is he?
00:19:15Are you sure this is the right place?
00:19:23You muddy?
00:19:25What are you, the cops?
00:19:27Uh, no. Earl sent us. You know, to take care of your wife.
00:19:31What? Take care of me?
00:19:33What the hell are you talking about? Who are those other two clowns?
00:19:37Huh?
00:19:38God damn it! You did it to me again!
00:19:42I'm gonna go to Vegas, and I'm gonna kill all three of them!
00:19:44Hey, I noticed your TV was broken. You want to buy a new one?
00:19:53Just leave it. Worthless piece of crap.
00:19:56Yeah, really, man. We gotta start stealing from rich people.
00:19:59You give me that bunny feeling in my tummy.
00:20:08Oh, shit! Yeah, that's right!
00:20:15A rollercoaster of love.
00:20:20Number one, rollercoaster.
00:20:22Yeah!
00:20:23$4!
00:20:26$4!
00:20:31$4!
00:20:32$4!
00:20:33Your love is like a rollercoaster, baby, baby
00:20:38I wanna ride
00:20:39Your love is like a rollercoaster, baby, baby
00:20:46I wanna ride
00:20:47Move on with that, cause I'm a double-dipper
00:20:52Upside down on the lips, it's simple
00:20:54One, two, one, two, three
00:20:56Oh, I gotta take it so right with me
00:20:58Marry go down on the merry-go-round
00:21:00All is fair, all deep at sound
00:21:02Let's go slow, let's go fast
00:21:04Look at it, we're going with you
00:21:06Rollercoaster of love
00:21:09Say what?
00:21:10Rollercoaster
00:21:11Oh, yeah, it's a long rollercoaster
00:21:14Rollercoaster
00:21:15Rollercoaster
00:21:20Can you get a rollercoaster, rollercoaster, love
00:21:23Your love is like a rollercoaster, baby, baby
00:21:27I wanna ride
00:21:29I wanna ride
00:21:32Yeah, it's a long rollercoaster, baby, baby
00:21:35I wanna ride
00:21:37Your love is like a rollercoaster, baby, baby
00:21:44I wanna ride
00:21:45Your love is like a rollercoaster, baby, baby
00:21:52I want to ride
00:21:54You love is life
00:21:58I want to do so, baby, baby
00:22:00I want to ride
00:22:02I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen
00:22:12We didn't realize you were registered guests
00:22:15If there's anything we can do, too
00:22:17Dammit, this thing is stuck
00:22:21Sir, it's attached to the...
00:22:23You dumbass, let me try
00:22:24Hey, check it out, that guy's still standing there
00:22:30Could you, like, not stand there and stuff?
00:22:38Some people are dumb
00:22:39Yeah, really
00:22:41Check it out, Beavis
00:22:46I wonder where this goes
00:22:51Woah, I think I hear a chick
00:22:55Really? Cool
00:22:57Alright, who are you?
00:23:03CIA? FBI? ATF?
00:23:05Hey, Butter, it's her
00:23:07Woah
00:23:08Hey, baby
00:23:11Are we, like, gonna do it?
00:23:15You got two seconds
00:23:16Uh, is that gonna be enough time?
00:23:20Who sent you?
00:23:22Uh, this drunk dude
00:23:23He thought he was gonna pay us to do you
00:23:26Muddy son of a bitch
00:23:29Wait, what's he paying you?
00:23:32Uh, ten, uh...
00:23:35Ten grand?
00:23:36Oh, that cheap ass
00:23:38Alright, I got a better deal for you
00:23:40I'll double it, I'll pay you twenty if you go back there and do him
00:23:43Uh, you want us to do a guy?
00:23:47No way
00:23:48I don't know, but that is a lot of money
00:23:51Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick
00:23:54Ah!
00:24:01Damn
00:24:01You two wait right there
00:24:04I'm ready for love
00:24:08Yeah, I... I don't believe her
00:24:11Yeah, Las Vegas?
00:24:23Give me the number for Dream America Tours
00:24:25Right
00:24:27Yeah, you got a bus leaving today?
00:24:32Where's it going?
00:24:34Washington, D.C.
00:24:36Five minutes?
00:24:37Perfect
00:24:38Give me two tickets
00:24:39No way, butthead
00:24:41You always go first
00:24:42Damn it, Beavis
00:24:42We've never done this before
00:24:44Ah!
00:24:45Hey
00:24:45So, uh...
00:24:48Uh...
00:24:49Wanna, uh...
00:24:50You know...
00:24:51Do it!
00:24:53We're finally gonna score!
00:24:55Do it!
00:24:56Ow!
00:24:57You guys want to see it?
00:24:58Come on!
00:25:00Oh!
00:25:01Damn it!
00:25:02Ow!
00:25:03Get out!
00:25:05You wait here
00:25:05Bunghole
00:25:07Damn it!
00:25:07Ow!
00:25:08No!
00:25:16I mocking it!
00:25:18Hassan
00:25:19EDITORY
00:25:32Oh...
00:25:33Add it!
00:25:33No!
00:25:33No!
00:25:42Don't wear yourselves out, boys.
00:25:44Save some energy for me.
00:25:51This is it, Beavis.
00:25:52We're finally gonna score.
00:25:55Thank God.
00:25:57Oh, yeah, we're gonna do it all right.
00:26:03Boys.
00:26:05Boys.
00:26:07Boys!
00:26:10First, you have to do a little job for me.
00:26:13Would you like to do a little job for me?
00:26:16Here's what it is.
00:26:18I want you to take the bus to Washington, D.C.
00:26:21That's all.
00:26:23And when you get there, I'll be waiting.
00:26:26You're gonna make a whole lot of money,
00:26:29and I'm gonna give you everything.
00:26:34Until then, keep your pants on.
00:26:40Now your bus is downstairs waiting, so get going.
00:26:56This is gonna be cool.
00:26:58Oh, yeah.
00:26:59Get out of there, Beavis. I want the window.
00:27:10Ow!
00:27:12Why don't you take turns?
00:27:14Hey, buddy, check it out.
00:27:16It's that slut from the plane.
00:27:18Oh, Wyatt, you two.
00:27:21How'd you do in Las Vegas?
00:27:23Um, we didn't score yet.
00:27:24Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:27:28Me, I took a beating.
00:27:31Cool.
00:27:33That's why I'm bussin' across America.
00:27:37I'm so glad you're here.
00:27:39Jim, Jim, I want you to meet two nice boys.
00:27:43This is Travis and Bob.
00:27:46And what's your last name, dear?
00:27:48Uh, Head.
00:27:49Uh, my first name's Butt.
00:27:59Agent Fleming, ATF.
00:28:01So, are you gonna tell us where it is,
00:28:03or am I gonna have to have Agent Hurley over there
00:28:04give you another cavity search?
00:28:07Hmm. Is that a promise?
00:28:09Look, Mrs. Scum, we know who you are.
00:28:12Tell her, Bork.
00:28:13Dallas Grimes.
00:28:14Married to Muddy Grimes.
00:28:15You run a mom-and-pop arm smuggling ring.
00:28:20Mm.
00:28:21You got my bad side.
00:28:23Three days ago, you pulled a job
00:28:24at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada,
00:28:27where you stole the X-5 unit.
00:28:30Now, we happen to know you had the unit with you
00:28:32when you checked in here,
00:28:33so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
00:28:36You gonna charge me with anything?
00:28:39I didn't think so.
00:28:40You wanna let me go now,
00:28:42or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
00:28:45We got nothing, Chief.
00:28:46We tore the place apart.
00:28:47We can only legally hold her for another couple of hours.
00:28:50Damn it. Cut her loose.
00:28:53Where's that damn unit?
00:28:58We're in Washington.
00:28:59Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna score now.
00:29:01Actually, son, we're at the Hoover Dam.
00:29:05Um, no, no.
00:29:06We're in Washington!
00:29:08Yeah.
00:29:09We're gonna score now!
00:29:14Over 40,000 tons of concrete were used in the construction of the Hoover Dam.
00:29:18Huh.
00:29:19From top to bottom, the dam is 51 stories.
00:29:22It has a maximum capacity for generating 2.074 megawatts of electricity.
00:29:26Wow.
00:29:27Really?
00:29:28But on the average, it generates about 25% of that.
00:29:30I'll be damned.
00:29:31Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas?
00:29:34Um, yeah, I just have a question.
00:29:36Um, hey.
00:29:37Is this a goddamn...
00:29:39You know...
00:29:43Goddamn, you know...
00:29:45If you'll follow me this way.
00:29:47This is dumb.
00:29:48Let's go find that chick.
00:29:50Yeah, enough of this crap.
00:29:52Whoa!
00:29:53Check it out, Butt-Head TV!
00:29:55Cool.
00:29:59I gotta hit the head.
00:30:00Can you get me some coffee?
00:30:01Alright.
00:30:06Talk to me, Bork.
00:30:07Chief, we found a witness that says he saw two teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived.
00:30:12Did you give him a full cavity search?
00:30:15Uh...
00:30:16The witness?
00:30:17Yes.
00:30:18You can never be too careful, Bork.
00:30:20Well, sir, I didn't really think it was necessary.
00:30:22You see, we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam.
00:30:25Here.
00:30:26Have a look.
00:30:27What the hell?
00:30:28They look like a couple of kids, Chief.
00:30:31Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of?
00:30:33Don't you read the papers?
00:30:35What the...
00:30:36Dammit.
00:30:37All they have is these shows about water.
00:30:42Yeah, really.
00:30:43They need some shows about fire.
00:30:46Uh...
00:30:47What are you doing, Beavis?
00:30:49Something's wrong with my butt.
00:30:52Your butt sucks.
00:30:54Hey, how come there's no sound?
00:30:57Uh...
00:30:58I'll fix it.
00:31:02Uh...
00:31:07Yeah, yeah, there you go.
00:31:08Louder, Beavis!
00:31:09Louder!
00:31:15Uh...
00:31:16Ma...
00:31:17Tur...
00:31:19A...
00:31:20Masturbation?
00:31:21You know, I'll tell you what.
00:31:35It doesn't get any better than this.
00:31:37This here is God's country.
00:31:40Un-spoiled and...
00:31:43Uh...
00:31:45I think I found the remote.
00:31:46What the hell's going on?
00:31:47I swear!
00:31:48That's all I know.
00:31:50They got on the tour bus.
00:31:51It was probably heading west.
00:31:53Please!
00:31:54I'm gonna kill him!
00:31:55That was boring.
00:31:56Yeah, yeah.
00:31:57Just the same thing over and over again.
00:31:58Uh...
00:31:59Wait a minute.
00:32:00We can't leave Washington until we find that chick.
00:32:01Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob.
00:32:02This is the Hoover Dam.
00:32:03Damn.
00:32:04Damn.
00:32:05Only that.
00:32:06Hehehehe.
00:32:07Hehehehe.
00:32:08Hehehehe.
00:32:09Hehehehe.
00:32:10Hehehehe.
00:32:11Hehehehe.
00:32:12Hehehehe.
00:32:13Hehehehe.
00:32:14Hehehehe.
00:32:15Hehehehe.
00:32:16Hehehehe.
00:32:17Hehehehe.
00:32:18Hehehehe.
00:32:19Uh...
00:32:21Wait a minute.
00:32:22We can't leave Washington until we find that chick.
00:32:23Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob.
00:32:25This is the Hoover Dam.
00:32:27Damn?
00:32:29Hehehehe.
00:32:30Hehehehe.
00:32:31You boys better show up.
00:32:44You see what I see, Bork?
00:32:46I see it, I just don't get it.
00:32:48You got half the state looking for you.
00:32:50How do you get away?
00:32:51Cut the power.
00:32:53Damn right.
00:32:54Bork, we're dealing with real pros here.
00:32:56My opinion, terrorists.
00:32:58What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
00:33:00Well, sir, it's not good.
00:33:02Roll the tape.
00:33:04The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon,
00:33:07a man-made virus,
00:33:09the deadliest known to man.
00:33:11Could wipe out five states in five days.
00:33:14Here's what happened when it was tested
00:33:15on a group of Army recruits.
00:33:18Look at these guys, Chief.
00:33:20This thing is a veritable doomsday device.
00:33:24Jesus jumped up, Christ.
00:33:26If this were to fall into the wrong hands...
00:33:28It gets worse.
00:33:30The unit wasn't finished.
00:33:31It has a flaw.
00:33:32The casing.
00:33:33If hit hard enough, it could break open,
00:33:35releasing the virus.
00:33:36Okay, people.
00:33:37As of right now,
00:33:38these are the most dangerous men in America.
00:33:40I want these faces in front of every fed
00:33:42and two-bit sheriff within a thousand miles.
00:33:45The orders are dead or alive.
00:33:47Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.
00:33:51Ow!
00:33:51Ow!
00:33:52Cut it out, butthead!
00:33:53Get out of the way, Weavis.
00:33:54I want to sit by the window.
00:33:55Ow!
00:33:56Okay, people.
00:33:58Next stop, Grand Canyon.
00:33:59Get out of the way, man.
00:34:07I'm so tired.
00:34:20I'm so tired.
00:34:20I want you.
00:34:21Oh, my God.
00:34:21It's like a...
00:34:21It's like a...
00:34:22There's no one, man.
00:34:23Oh, man.
00:34:23...
00:34:25it's like it's coming out of his ass but then it's like also coming out of the ass of the ass
00:34:34it's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass
00:34:55there are over
00:35:25200 active geysers in yellowstone park old faithful here is one of the largest during an
00:35:33eruption the water can reach as high as 200 feet so the geyser shoots out over 12 000 gallons of
00:35:45water in a single eruption that's not that much really yeah really let's get out of here
00:35:50if you'll just step over here the geyser is seconds away
00:35:55oh it's incredible oh oh yeah that's amazing that's incredible
00:36:07that's amazing
00:36:11can't wait forever
00:36:29damn kids no respect don't appreciate anything oh my god wait stop darn it
00:36:43get me the police
00:36:46this is the coolest thing i have ever seen
00:36:51chief we got them they're on a senior citizens tour bus going south on highway 89
00:36:59uh is this the right bus
00:37:12hey beavis we're on a bus with chicks
00:37:22they're not on the bus these people know something i want full cavity searches everyone
00:37:36go deep on them agent hurley i tell you pork these guys are smart damn smart they're probably a hundred
00:37:44miles away by now
00:37:55hey buddy this book kicks ass there's a talking snake and a naked chick and then this dude puts a leaf on his schlong
00:38:02cool
00:38:09oh
00:38:11oh
00:38:13oh
00:38:17oh
00:38:19oh
00:38:21oh
00:38:23oh
00:38:25oh
00:38:27oh
00:38:29oh
00:38:30oh
00:38:37oh
00:38:39oh
00:38:40a
00:38:43oh
00:38:46oh
00:38:49oh
00:38:51oh
00:38:53oh
00:38:55oh
00:38:57oh
00:38:59a
00:39:00me father i've sinned i uh i slept with a woman and uh really was she naked well yes father
00:39:10please forgive me i cool could you like see her boobs
00:39:15uh i'm sorry uh how many hail marys a thousand and i want you to hit yourself right now
00:39:24uh now yeah do it oh yeah harder do it again
00:39:31welcome to the petrified forest the world's largest site of petrified wood
00:39:48you may wonder how can wood get so hard
00:39:57well the wood became hard over two million years ago
00:40:03wood
00:40:23hey where'd those chicks go
00:40:28i think you scared them off
00:40:31this sucks what are we doing here
00:40:34uh i don't know
00:40:37uh do you know where washington is
00:40:42uh yeah about two thousand miles that way
00:40:46cool thanks
00:40:48didn't see which way they went
00:40:55didn't see their vehicle
00:40:57i don't suppose you tried to stop them
00:40:59the most dangerous guys in america
00:41:01no thank you i make nine dollars an hour
00:41:03national security is a responsibility of every american
00:41:07bork
00:41:08cavity search
00:41:09deep and hard
00:41:11agent hurley
00:41:12they're not gonna get away this time
00:41:13i want roadblocks every road out of here for 200 miles
00:41:16this sucks
00:41:31it's all hot and stuff
00:41:32this desert is stupid
00:41:35they need to put a drinking fountain out here
00:41:37yeah yeah or like a 7-eleven or something
00:41:40something wrong officer
00:41:49sir we're looking for these two fugitives
00:41:51well i'll be dang
00:41:53that's them two kids that have been whacking in my camper
00:41:57you saw these two
00:41:58i sure did
00:41:59boy i never seen two kids do so much damn whacking
00:42:03blue den this is post nine i have positive id
00:42:05boy they're just like a couple little old spider monkeys
00:42:08sir i'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle
00:42:10well now wait a minute
00:42:12me and the missus here are on our way to washington d.c
00:42:15now
00:42:15now wait right there
00:42:20you're dealing with the veterans of two foreign wars
00:42:23they're the ones that have been whacking
00:42:24if i find anything broken in there
00:42:27you and i are gonna tangle
00:42:28master beating in a man's camper
00:42:33we're dealing with two sick individuals
00:42:35i want that camper torn apart full cavity searches all around
00:42:39you can't do this
00:42:40something tells me he could be involved
00:42:42what in the hell
00:42:43now wait just a minute
00:42:45chief just came in
00:42:46two days ago express airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself
00:42:50cornholio
00:42:52guess who matches the description
00:42:54finally a real break
00:42:57get me that flight's point of origin
00:42:59we're gonna kick some ass
00:43:06hey one of you bastards got a match
00:43:16uh yeah my butt and your butt
00:43:22and here's a song that might help you cope with some of those feelings
00:43:39okay it's called lesbian seagull
00:43:42she flies so gracefully over rocks trees and sand
00:43:50soaring over cliffs and gently floating down to land
00:43:57she proudly lifts her voice to sound the mating call
00:44:04and soon her mate responds by singing
00:44:08call call call
00:44:11come with me lesbian seagull
00:44:16settle down and rest with me
00:44:22fly high lesbian seagull
00:44:28that's him
00:44:31he's their teacher
00:44:33uh yeah
00:44:34uh what's going on here
00:44:36i'll ask the questions
00:44:38are these your students
00:44:40i assume you're a government agent
00:44:42i would think you would know there's something in this country called due process
00:44:47mkay
00:44:48that's about the kind of talk i'd expect from the guy who taught these two
00:44:51take this scum away
00:44:53i believe i'm supposed to be read my miranda rights
00:44:56now if
00:44:57i always knew they were no good
00:45:00i hate them
00:45:02shut up
00:45:03you've been harboring two criminal masterminds
00:45:06chief
00:45:08you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in
00:45:10bork
00:45:11you are a federal agent
00:45:13you represent the united states government
00:45:15never end a sentence with a preposition
00:45:17oh uh
00:45:19you know that guy in whose camper they
00:45:23i mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking
00:45:27that's better
00:45:28yes
00:45:29we've run a sample through the national criminal sperm bank
00:45:31and come up with two possible genetic matches for a father
00:45:34former motley crew roadies turned drifters
00:45:40you are a roadie for motley crew
00:45:42crew here's another true story about 15 years ago we stopped in this toilet
00:45:56called Highland really that's where we're from well then you know what I'm
00:46:02talking about anyway here's a story I scored with these two chicks true story
00:46:10you didn't score I scored with both of them do you think these two slots still
00:46:28Leaven Highland that would be cool
00:46:58are we almost there yet probably like another five minutes or something
00:47:28the fun fuck cut it out what he put it in me and then they're supposed to be like water and
00:47:48cactus of well no I can't say that I've seen him officer I sure hope it's safe to drive around
00:48:14here don't worry sir just stick to the main roads if they're around they're probably hiding out in
00:48:18the desert well that's good to know officer yeah hey but head are we gonna die probably
00:48:37whoa I think my life is like flashing in front of my eyes
00:48:44whoa my life was cool
00:49:01wait a minute I think I'm seeing something too it's like a really long time ago
00:49:12yeah I'm starting to feel weird I think I'm freaking out okay
00:49:39whoa this is cool it's like it's like everything looks all weird
00:49:44like there's all these weird shapes and it's sort of like it's like um it's like a music video
00:49:53what are you doing what is
00:49:56what's going on
00:50:01I think there's a problem here
00:50:14fire fire fire fire
00:50:26fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire
00:51:56What?
00:51:57Cheeks?
00:51:58Yeah, yeah.
00:51:59And boobs.
00:52:00I just want to say that again.
00:52:02Boobs.
00:52:03I'm going to blow you both to hell.
00:52:04That's what I'm going to do.
00:52:06Cool.
00:52:07Whoa.
00:52:08Hey, Beavis, that's that dude that's paying us to do his wife.
00:52:12Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:52:13Um, can you just take us to Washington?
00:52:17We're going to meet her there and, you know...
00:52:19Washington?
00:52:20That's where she's going to meet up with you?
00:52:23You know, I just might need you boys after all.
00:52:26All right, get in the trunk.
00:52:27Both of you.
00:52:28Now!
00:52:29Boy, it sure is hard to score.
00:52:35Yeah, really.
00:52:36Hey, what?
00:52:37Check it out.
00:52:38The Jack.
00:52:40I met a magic man who had a daughter.
00:52:41She learned her lessons well, but still I taught her.
00:52:48I met a magic man who had a daughter.
00:52:51She learned her lessons well, but still I taught her.
00:52:56I met a magic man who had a daughter.
00:53:06She learned her lessons well, but still I taught her.
00:53:11Check.
00:53:24Hey, Beavis.
00:53:25Check it out.
00:53:26I'm jacking off.
00:53:37Uh, let's get out of here.
00:53:44You go first, Beavis.
00:53:47I don't know, Butt-Head.
00:53:48That road's, like, moving pretty fast and stuff.
00:53:50Come on, Beavis.
00:53:51Just start running really fast as soon as you hit the ground.
00:53:54It'll work.
00:53:55No way.
00:53:56You go.
00:53:57Don't be a woof, Beavis.
00:54:00No!
00:54:01No way.
00:54:02No way.
00:54:04No way.
00:54:05No way.
00:54:06No way.
00:54:07No way.
00:54:08We are in a row here.
00:54:09No way.
00:54:11No way.
00:54:13No way.
00:54:14You're a whore.
00:54:24Boy, what I wouldn't give for five minutes alone with them two little bastards.
00:54:44Well, Bob, the news out here is not good. Authorities are calling this the worst highway disaster in the nation's history.
00:54:58Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck.
00:55:02Chief, look.
00:55:04Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
00:55:07Where did these guys come from?
00:55:09The question is, where are they going?
00:55:12In other news, GPAC is set to begin at 2 p.m. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
00:55:18What the hell?
00:55:20Bork, that bus we picked up, where was it heading?
00:55:23Uh, D.C., Chief.
00:55:25Jesus, jumped up!
00:55:26Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our nation's capital?
00:55:30Or even worse, if they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference?
00:55:34Well, it's not gonna happen.
00:55:36Oh, that was the best, huh?
00:55:37Yeah, oh, that was a good one.
00:55:39I'm good at that.
00:55:40I'm good at that.
00:55:41Hey, buddy, it's that chick.
00:55:42Uh, oh yeah.
00:55:43Cool.
00:55:44Maybe they can take us to Washington and we can finally score.
00:55:45Yeah.
00:55:46Um, isn't Seattle and Washington?
00:55:51Oh yeah, cool.
00:55:53Maybe they can take us to Washington
00:55:55and we can finally score.
00:55:56Yeah, um, isn't Seattle in Washington?
00:56:01Uh, yep, it sure is.
00:56:04Cool, cause I'm thinking after we score,
00:56:06maybe we can go see holes.
00:56:10Hole.
00:56:21Hole!
00:56:28Hole!
00:56:30Hole in the hole!
00:56:34Hole in it!
00:56:36Hole in it!
00:56:38Hole in it!
00:56:51I'm expecting somebody.
00:56:55Well, well.
00:56:56Look at this.
00:56:57The love of my life.
00:57:01Where have you been?
00:57:03Honey, I was going to split it with you after I sold it.
00:57:06Right down the middle.
00:57:06I swear, I just...
00:57:07Sure you were.
00:57:08But now you don't have to go to all that bother, do you?
00:57:11Come on, Muddy.
00:57:13What do you say we just forget about it and go get a room like old times?
00:57:16I don't think so.
00:57:18Where is it?
00:57:19All senators are requested for a vote.
00:57:23All senators are requested for a vote.
00:57:25Can I help you?
00:57:27Uh, we're looking for Washington.
00:57:29Yeah, yeah.
00:57:30We're going to meet this chick with really big hooters.
00:57:33Sirs, you are in Washington.
00:57:35Really?
00:57:36Well, where is she?
00:57:37Uh, could you, like, make an announcement that we're ready to score?
00:57:42No.
00:57:43Just a moment.
00:57:45Hello.
00:57:46Can I help you?
00:57:49Uh, attention.
00:57:53Attention.
00:57:55We're looking for the chick with big boobs.
00:57:57Yeah, yeah.
00:57:58We are ready to do you now.
00:58:00I guess you forget who you're dealing with, honey.
00:58:11You see, I got your mules right here in my trunk and...
00:58:14Hey!
00:58:15Oh, I hit him.
00:58:17Damn!
00:58:17I am going to kill him!
00:58:20No, honey.
00:58:21We are going to kill him.
00:58:25Next stop, White House.
00:58:26Um, hey, wait a minute.
00:58:34What's going on?
00:58:35Why are we getting back on the bus?
00:58:36It's time to go, son.
00:58:38We can't leave.
00:58:40We never met that chick.
00:58:41Damn it.
00:58:42We were supposed to get some.
00:58:44Settle down, Beavis.
00:58:45No, I won't settle down.
00:58:47Not this time.
00:58:49Damn it.
00:58:49This always happens.
00:58:51I think I'm going to score and then I never score.
00:58:53It's not fair.
00:58:54We've traveled a hundred miles because we thought we were going to score.
00:58:59But now it's not going to happen.
00:59:00Damn it.
00:59:01Hey, buddy.
00:59:01Sit down.
00:59:02Shut up, asswipe.
00:59:03I'm sick and tired of this.
00:59:05We're never going to score.
00:59:06It's just not going to happen.
00:59:08We're just going to get old like these people.
00:59:10But they've probably scored.
00:59:11Hey, I'm warning you.
00:59:13Sit down.
00:59:13It's like this chick's a slut.
00:59:15And look at this guy.
00:59:16He's old.
00:59:17But he's probably scored a million times.
00:59:19Oh, yeah.
00:59:20But not us.
00:59:20We're never going to score.
00:59:22We're never going to score.
00:59:23We're never going to score.
00:59:24All right.
00:59:25That's it, nut nuts.
00:59:28What's wrong?
00:59:29I can't kick your ass.
00:59:35Well, look what we have here.
00:59:37You two make me sick.
00:59:39Bork, I'm Bork.
00:59:40You don't have anything on us and you know it.
00:59:42Oh, I don't, huh?
00:59:43How about lewd conduct?
00:59:45Maybe indecent exposure.
00:59:47Here's what's going to happen.
00:59:48One of you is going to make a deal and get me the unit.
00:59:51The other can spend the next 60 years in jail.
00:59:53Heh.
00:59:54That's where you're wrong, boy.
00:59:56Me and my wife are back together and you will never...
00:59:58He stole the unit.
00:59:59Said he put it in some kid's pants.
01:00:01What?
01:00:01You damn little four-legged...
01:00:04Hey, take it easy.
01:00:06I'm going to rip your...
01:00:07Now, Travis, it doesn't do a body good to get all worked up.
01:00:15Here.
01:00:16This should help you relax.
01:00:19Does that say Xanax?
01:00:22Um, yeah.
01:00:25Um, yeah, probably.
01:00:26I don't know.
01:00:34Well, yeah.
01:00:35Okay, boys and girls, our suspects are on a tour bus we believe to be heading for...
01:00:50Oh, White House?
01:00:52Trump and Jesus.
01:00:54I want everyone there.
01:00:55Our people, locals, orders are shoot to kill.
01:00:58Repeat, shoot to kill.
01:01:00Oh, my God.
01:01:30I'll be your tour guide.
01:01:37In case you don't know, you've come on a very special day.
01:01:41Gathered at the White House today for an historic global conference called Give Peace a Chance or GPAC
01:01:46are representatives from around the world.
01:01:51This is the East Room.
01:01:53Many of the portraits you see were saved from the fire set by the British in 1814.
01:02:00What's your problem, Beavis?
01:02:03The site for the White House was chosen by President Washington and Pierre L'Enfant.
01:02:12Sir? Sir, are you okay?
01:02:15Are you threatening me? I am Cornholio.
01:02:20Okay. Ah, sir, maybe you should wait out in the lobby?
01:02:24In this lobby, will there be tipi for my mungu?
01:02:33The room was originally designed.
01:02:41Boy, where are you when we need you, Ike?
01:02:45I'll tell you what, honey, even with all we've been through, it don't change a thing.
01:02:49I said it before and I'll say it again, this is the greatest country on Earth.
01:02:54And I say, that looks kind of like...
01:02:58No, it couldn't be.
01:03:03Are you threatening me?
01:03:10I am Cornholio.
01:03:11Ah, yes, the President does plan to speak today at the GPAC conference.
01:03:17Mr. Secretary, Mr. Secretary.
01:03:19What about the rumors that a biological weapon has been stolen and smuggled out of the country during this conference?
01:03:25Those rumors are entirely unfounded.
01:03:32Unfounded.
01:03:33I am the great Cornholio.
01:03:35I am a gringo.
01:03:37I have no bunghole.
01:03:39Bunghole.
01:03:40Bunghole.
01:03:41Mr. Secretary.
01:03:50This is the state dining room, where the most powerful world leaders are entertained.
01:03:55Hey.
01:03:56Uh, where's the TV?
01:03:59Uh, there are no TVs in the dining room.
01:04:02This house sucks.
01:04:04Oh, please follow me.
01:04:06Evacuation?
01:04:07It's probably just another bomb threat or something.
01:04:10Okay.
01:04:16Is this the lobby?
01:04:18I am Cornholio.
01:04:21I need TV for my bunghole.
01:04:29Yes, Mr. President.
01:04:30I am Cornholio.
01:04:32My bunghole.
01:04:33It goes...
01:04:34Mr. President.
01:04:37Mr. President, I can't make out what you're saying.
01:04:42Sir, the President sounds strange.
01:04:44Something's going on.
01:04:44I don't think it's a drill.
01:04:46Washington may be under attack.
01:04:47Go to DEFCON 4.
01:04:48Move it along, folks.
01:05:02Move it along.
01:05:06Whoa.
01:05:08Hey, baby.
01:05:09I noticed you have braces.
01:05:13I have braces, too.
01:05:25That was cool.
01:05:29Whoa.
01:05:31This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
01:05:33All right.
01:05:35Where's the unit?
01:05:36Uh, my unit?
01:05:39And my pants?
01:05:44Not on him, Chief.
01:05:45Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search.
01:05:49I'm talking Roto-Rooter.
01:05:51Don't stop till you reach the back of his teeth.
01:05:53Mr. President, in the name of all that's holy, I must have those launch codes.
01:06:11I am Cornholio.
01:06:13You will cooperate with my bunghole.
01:06:16For there is but one bunghole.
01:06:18The almighty bunghole.
01:06:20He's clean, Chief.
01:06:25Uh, did I just score?
01:06:30The other guy must have it.
01:06:32He's got to be in here somewhere.
01:06:34Who is that Cornholio?
01:06:36Do you know where he comes?
01:06:37Cornholio, sir.
01:06:38He's got to be in here somewhere.
01:06:42But tell me, do you know what a bunghole is?
01:06:47Huh?
01:06:47Uh, excuse me.
01:06:51I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, gentlemen.
01:06:53But, uh, we're going to have to wait outside for a moment.
01:06:56Follow me, please.
01:06:59Teepee for my bunghole.
01:07:01Yeah, yeah.
01:07:02Teepee for my bunghole.
01:07:03Pretty good.
01:07:06Let these gentlemen through, please.
01:07:08They're with the conference.
01:07:09It's okay.
01:07:10He's back.
01:07:10What?
01:07:11What?
01:07:11What's the cornhole, you?
01:07:12You said they were right on me?
01:07:13You're going to run from your own bunghole.
01:07:20Bunghole, bunghole, bunghole.
01:07:23Ah-ha.
01:07:24Ah-ha.
01:07:24you know it
01:07:26boy, I tell you what, it really makes you proud
01:07:51I could stay in here all day
01:07:53sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave
01:07:55now, wait just a minute
01:07:56now
01:07:57hey, now, that's enough
01:07:58I've been planning this trip my whole life
01:08:00and, hey, hey, what do you think you're
01:08:02something about a cornhole
01:08:03now, we haven't even seen the Lincoln Room yet
01:08:05dammit, now let go of me
01:08:08uh, say, chief
01:08:10isn't that the guy whose camper they were whacking
01:08:13I mean, off in whose whacking camper
01:08:16not now, Bork
01:08:17I'll tell you what, honey
01:08:20this country's going to hell in a handbasket
01:08:22I'm gonna go over right now and talk to my congressman about this
01:08:26what the hell
01:08:29wait here a minute
01:08:30what in the hell is that damn noise?
01:08:39ah, ah, what?
01:08:42hey, how's it going?
01:08:42pull your damn pants up, boy
01:08:44I don't wanna see that
01:08:46dammit, get out of here
01:08:48and if I ever catch you whacking in here again
01:08:51I'm gonna hogtie you
01:08:53ah, dammit
01:08:54now I gotta straighten up in here
01:08:56we just cleared all four floors
01:08:59no sign of him
01:09:00damn, where the hell is he?
01:09:03say, chief
01:09:04isn't that the camper...
01:09:06Bork, not now
01:09:07chief, look
01:09:08well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle
01:09:12attention all units
01:09:14we've got him
01:09:14he's in front of a white camper on Pennsylvania Avenue
01:09:17I am Gorolio
01:09:19I will lay way to your bunghole
01:09:22bunghole
01:09:24bunghole
01:09:29bunghole
01:09:30bunghole
01:09:31okay, nobody shoot
01:09:32he can still have the unit on him
01:09:34keep your distance
01:09:36we don't want to take a chance on hitting it
01:09:39where are his pants?
01:09:41who knows
01:09:41bunghole
01:09:42bunghole
01:09:43bunghole
01:09:44this is Asian Fleming ATF
01:09:46we won't hurt you
01:09:47we just want the unit
01:09:57tell us where the unit is
01:09:59do you have teepee?
01:10:00teepee for my bunghole?
01:10:02we'll get you whatever you want
01:10:04get better than kid
01:10:05we might need
01:10:06do you have any olio?
01:10:07uh, yeah, this is Bork
01:10:09listen, we need some teepee
01:10:11and some
01:10:12what did he say?
01:10:16whoa
01:10:17this rules
01:10:19can I have a gun too?
01:10:21you must bow down to the almighty bunghole
01:10:25this is your last chance
01:10:29this is your last chance
01:10:31give us the unit now
01:10:32why does everybody want to say my swan?
01:10:35he's jerking us off
01:10:39I think we're gonna have to take him out
01:10:43get ready to fire on my orders
01:10:45I am the one and only almighty one and only bunghole
01:10:48this is your last chance
01:10:50I'm gonna give you three seconds
01:10:52I have no bunghole
01:10:53okay boys
01:10:56get ready to fire on the count of three
01:10:59one
01:11:00would you like to see my bunghole?
01:11:04i will show you my bunghole
01:11:06two
01:11:07i have no bunghole
01:11:11what's going on?
01:11:15what's going on?
01:11:16what is it?
01:11:18three
01:11:19take your damn pants with you
01:11:21hold your fire
01:11:22what in the hell?
01:11:23the pants
01:11:24he's got the unit
01:11:26drop the pants
01:11:27now
01:11:28now wait a minute
01:11:29i ain't the one but
01:11:30one
01:11:31one
01:11:32one
01:11:33one
01:11:34one
01:11:35one
01:11:36one
01:11:37one
01:11:38one
01:11:39one
01:11:40one
01:11:41one
01:11:42one
01:11:43one
01:11:44uh
01:11:46there you go
01:12:05ow
01:12:06now wait just a minute mister
01:12:07take a look at this
01:12:08how do you explain this?
01:12:10what in the hell are you talking about?
01:12:13So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh?
01:12:18Look, I already told you I don't know what in the hell this is about.
01:12:21Take them away.
01:12:22Hey, get your damn hands off me!
01:12:24Ah, ah, now, dammit!
01:12:26Hey! Ah!
01:12:32You don't know who you're dealing with here.
01:12:34I'm a veteran of two foreign wars.
01:12:38I ain't the one that...
01:12:40I always thought there was something wrong with him.
01:12:44Yeah.
01:12:45He had a lot of problems.
01:12:48He used to hit me, too.
01:12:51Uh, hey.
01:12:53Does anyone want to see my unit?
01:12:59I gotta admit it.
01:13:00I had you boys figured wrong.
01:13:02I thought you were scum.
01:13:04But you saved more lives today than you'll ever know.
01:13:07You led us to one of the sickest criminals in our history.
01:13:10This country owes you a debt.
01:13:12Uh, does that mean we're gonna get, like, money and stuff?
01:13:16And, I mean, and chicks.
01:13:18We were supposed to score.
01:13:20For security reasons, your actions will have to remain top secret.
01:13:23Yeah.
01:13:24But someone very special wants to give us thanks.
01:13:27Beavish and Butthead, on behalf of your fellow Americans, I extend my deepest thanks.
01:13:37You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
01:13:45He said extend.
01:13:47Oh, yeah.
01:13:48In recognition for your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.
01:13:57Whoa.
01:13:58Alcohol and tobacco?
01:14:01Yeah.
01:14:02And firearms.
01:14:04Cool, huh?
01:14:05Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
01:14:07Yeah, yeah.
01:14:08We're in the Bureau of Beer and Fire.
01:14:11And cigarettes.
01:14:12And maybe some chicks, too.
01:14:14This is gonna be cool.
01:14:16You know what sucks?
01:14:28We never scored, and we never got any money.
01:14:31Yeah, really.
01:14:33And my butt's still sore, and that chick with the braces...
01:14:37Butt-head!
01:14:38Butt-head, look!
01:14:40Yes!
01:14:41Yes!
01:14:42Yes!
01:14:43Yes!
01:14:44Yes!
01:14:45Yes!
01:14:46Yes!
01:14:47Yes!
01:14:48Yes!
01:14:49Yes!
01:14:50Yes!
01:14:51Yes!
01:14:52Yes!
01:14:53Yes!
01:14:54Hey, Butt-head.
01:14:55Do you think we're ever gonna score?
01:14:57Eh, I probably will, but not you.
01:15:00You're too much of a butt monkey.
01:15:03Shut up!
01:15:04Dill-hole.
01:15:05Butt-dumpling.
01:15:06Turd-burglar.
01:15:07Uh, ass-goblin.
01:15:08Shut up, Butt-head.
01:15:09Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on the street?
01:15:10Uh...
01:15:11Yeah?
01:15:12Cause, um...
01:15:13I just need to stop by his tool shed for a couple of minutes.
01:15:14You know what I'm saying?
01:15:15Tool...
01:15:16He...
01:15:17He...
01:15:18He...
01:15:19He...
01:15:20He...
01:15:21He...
01:15:22He...
01:15:23He...
01:15:24He...
01:15:25He...
01:15:26He...
01:15:27You know what I'm saying?
01:15:28Tool...
01:15:29He...
01:15:30He...
01:15:31He...
01:15:32He...
01:15:33He...
01:15:34He...
01:15:35He...
01:15:36He...
01:15:37He...
01:15:38He...
01:15:39He...
01:15:40He...
01:15:41He...
01:15:42He...
01:15:43He...
01:15:44He...
01:15:45He...
01:15:46He...
01:15:47He...
01:15:48He...
01:15:49He...
01:15:50He...
01:15:51He...
01:15:52He...
01:15:53He...
01:15:54He...
01:15:55He...
01:15:56He...
01:15:57He...
01:15:58He...
01:15:59He...
01:16:00He...
01:16:01Come with me, lesbian senior, settle down and rest with me
01:16:28Oh, fly with me, lesbian senior, to my little nest by the sea
01:16:41You're with me, that's where you belong with me
01:16:46I know I can be strong when you're, you're with me
01:16:58I got issues, baby, or not, I got issues
01:17:08Oh my god
01:17:12I'm the best when it comes to making love all night
01:17:23Throw your brother Scott's body beneath the red light
01:17:25Blaze it up, girl, I'ma lace it real tight
01:17:28Go deep till the full moon turn to sunlight
01:17:30Till the darkness is gone, love remains strong like the barn
01:17:33Tween mother and child, you're so warm to the touch
01:17:36Passionate interludes and such, when you're gone
01:17:38Your body's what I yearn to clutch
01:17:40Just imagine, ecstasy floating in the cloud
01:17:42Animal attraction burning through the crowd
01:17:45Heaven on earth, paradise for a price
01:17:47It's cool though, I pay it for the rest of my life
01:17:49You know why?
01:17:50Ain't nobody, nobody
01:17:52Don't be back time
01:17:54Say what?
01:17:55Makes me happy
01:17:56Uh-huh
01:17:57You feel, you feel right
01:17:59Ain't nobody
01:18:01Uh-huh
01:18:02Don't be back time
01:18:03Uh-huh
01:18:04You can take it, girl
01:18:05Stop running
01:18:06Uh-huh
01:18:07You can take it, girl
01:18:08Stop running
01:18:09Uh-huh
01:18:10You can take it, girl
01:18:11Stop running
01:18:12Uh-huh
01:18:13You can take it, girl
01:18:14Stop running
01:18:15Uh-huh
01:18:16I'm exploring your body in your erogenous zones
01:18:17Like a black tiger caged up till you come home
01:18:18Lovely
01:18:19You make a man swoon like a boy
01:18:21The love is so sore, forgets hard to enjoy
01:18:23Cause the mind flies
01:18:24And sometimes the sex flies
01:18:26Smooth little girls fall in love with rough guys
01:18:28But you can chop a big heart down the pipe size
01:18:30I guess that's what it sounds like when a dove cries
01:18:32Uh-huh
01:18:33The whole world is trapped up in a maze
01:18:35But you save this real good loving for rainy days
01:18:37Uh-huh
01:18:38The Lord works in mysterious ways
01:18:39He must have put you on this earth for all men to praise
01:18:42Ain't nobody
01:18:43Ain't nobody
01:18:44Nobody
01:18:45That's me better
01:18:46Uh-huh
01:18:47It makes me happy
01:18:49Yeah
01:18:50It makes me feel better
01:18:51Say what?
01:18:52Say what?
01:18:53Uh-huh
01:18:54That's right
01:18:55Don't be back time
01:18:56You can take it, girl
01:18:57Stop running
01:18:58Uh-huh
01:18:59You can take it, girl
01:19:00Stop running
01:19:01Uh-huh
01:19:02You can take it, girl
01:19:03Stop running
01:19:04Uh-huh
01:19:05You can take it, girl
01:19:06Stop running
01:19:07Uh-huh
01:19:08Become one
01:19:09Indivisible
01:19:10Uh-huh
01:19:11It's getting critical, son
01:19:12I'm on the run from love
01:19:13And chase me out the bed
01:19:14Get the point, boo
01:19:15You hit it right on the head
01:19:16It's an endless adventure
01:19:17Two bodies collide
01:19:18King fulfilling dreams
01:19:19With a queen by his side
01:19:21Forever
01:19:22In the end of time
01:19:23We intertwine
01:19:24We intertwine
01:19:25Destiny
01:19:26We fall in love
01:19:27By design
01:19:28What's yours is mine
01:19:29And what's mine is yours
01:19:30The road less traveled
01:19:31Desires to explore
01:19:32I adore you
01:19:33Heavenly angels shine light
01:19:34Hold my hand
01:19:35If you're out
01:19:36You can take it, girl
01:19:38So what, say what?
01:19:42That's right.
01:19:44Come on.
01:19:45Come on.
01:19:47Come on.
01:19:48Come on.
01:20:08Come on now
01:20:11A man don't choose a woman
01:20:12A woman chooses a man
01:20:14I'll give you half for a second
01:20:17Then I'll give you the full plunge
01:20:18Once you on, once you off
01:20:22Iced out, ain't gonna break stuff for scenery
01:20:23Know what I mean?
01:20:26It's bananas, ain't it?
01:20:28I know
01:20:29Ain't nobody a body
01:20:31That's what that makes me happy
01:20:35That's right
01:20:36That makes me feel this way
01:20:39Ain't nobody a body
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