- 4 months ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a doctor that removed a Yankee Candle from a patients backdoor. Then, want to know what are the things listeners have had stuck inside them.
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00:00What are you doing now, Chuck?
00:01Well, with 17 flavors of 5-Hour Energy, it's kind of hard to decide, so I'm playing Spin the Bottle.
00:07What? Are you 12?
00:10Look, it's pointed right at you.
00:13Get away from me. Get away from me!
00:23Here's a question for you.
00:25Have you ever had anything stuck in you?
00:28Mm-hmm.
00:30That was a pretty quick joke.
00:31Have you ever had anything stuck in you?
00:33We'll tell you what an ER doctor just had to deal with as he reveals it in this new TikTok.
00:39But what about you?
00:40What have you had stuck in you, you or your partner?
00:44And it doesn't have to be a sex toy, of course.
00:46You can call us, 1-855-954-6969.
00:50That's the Dave and Chuck lines, 1-855-954-6969.
00:54What have you had stuck in you?
00:55Or you can text us on the 5-Hour Energy text line at 4-6969.
01:01This ER doctor has gone viral for revealing the most outrageous object he's ever removed from a patient's ass.
01:10Oh, wow.
01:11This is what he says here.
01:12I don't know what it is, but whenever I tell people I'm an emergency room doctor, they always ask me two things.
01:18What is the sickest thing you've ever seen?
01:20And what's the weirdest thing you've ever pulled out of someone's butt?
01:23Yep.
01:23I see a lot of it.
01:26People come in with stuff up their butt.
01:28I see one of the most memorable ones was a guy came in whose complaint was personal problems,
01:35which I always know is going to be usually butt stuff.
01:38I go in to see him, and he says that he and his girlfriend got a little crazy last night,
01:44or maybe two days ago, put something up there, and he can't get it out.
01:48I said, you know what?
01:49No judgment.
01:50I get it.
01:50This was a Yankee candle.
01:52A Yankee candle?
01:53And I'm not talking about just the little baby one.
01:54I'm talking about the desktop jar.
01:57What?
01:57And not just the top, but the whole damn thing.
02:00It's possible.
02:01So I stopped asking questions like, how'd you get it up there?
02:05Or what were you thinking?
02:06Because it's not important.
02:08The question now becomes, how do you get it out?
02:10And really, for things that are really big, you can't just reach up there and grab them and pull them out
02:15because the suction causes a vacuum to pull it back in.
02:19So really, the treatment is to paralyze them in the operating room with anesthesia,
02:24like you would for an operation, although you don't operate on them.
02:28But it requires critical care, anesthesia, intubation, putting them on a ventilator.
02:32You give them medication that relaxes every muscle in their body so you can go up and grab it.
02:37And in ER, we always like to guess things like hemoglobin levels and alcohol levels and things like that.
02:42But this time, I won the bet.
02:47Pumpkin spice.
02:49It was October.
02:50It was easy.
02:51Delicious.
02:52Quite a smell.
02:53Pumpkin spice candle up your ass.
02:55I've just, I've seen stuff that, you know, there are ladies just putting on cam shows
03:00that are putting things in places that are just so gigantic.
03:04It's like Yankee candles, nothing.
03:07So it's shocking, but I just, I know the human body can handle it.
03:14It's just makes no sense.
03:16You can't handle it because you can't get out.
03:18You're just saying the size of it.
03:20I'm just saying you can get it in there.
03:21Right.
03:21You can get it in there.
03:23That's crazy.
03:23You don't, you want to keep it out a bit, you know, but you can get it in there.
03:29Let's head to the Dave and Chuck lines here.
03:32Dave is with us in Boston.
03:34Dave, we're talking about something you've had stuck inside of you.
03:38So my wife and I went out to eat.
03:41We had spent some time at the hospital in Boston for our child, but we were there and we were
03:46depressed.
03:47We were stressed out and she's very picky eater.
03:50Her burger came out and it was wrong.
03:53She is a very picky eater.
03:55So there's nothing, she wanted nothing on it, but it came with everything on it.
03:58She slammed her hand down on the burger and the skewer went right through her hand and
04:02my jaw like hit the table.
04:05It was, it was wild.
04:06She ended up having surgery after and there was like a piece of cellophane from the skewer
04:11in her hand.
04:12Oh, yeah.
04:14You got to, you know, just get that burger.
04:16Right.
04:16Yeah.
04:18You get upset.
04:19You know, you do.
04:20You get upset.
04:20Sometimes they put, so sometimes it's like a little like wooden skewer, but sometimes it's
04:24like metal.
04:25Yeah.
04:26I'm, I don't slam, but just because it has all the stuff on it, I'm not going to squish
04:30it with my hands, but I mean.
04:32One time, thank God it didn't get stuck in me.
04:34I did something like that with a clubhouse sandwich.
04:36I didn't realize there was a like toothpick in it.
04:40You took a big ass bite?
04:40I took a bite and it got stuck like in here.
04:43Oh.
04:43Oh, not good.
04:44Oh, the worst pain.
04:45Not good.
04:46Son of a bitch.
04:48Be careful.
04:49That's why they put those little frilly things on the top.
04:51I think so.
04:51Yeah.
04:52They give you a warning.
04:53There ain't no frills on this one.
04:54Mm.
04:55Um, someone said I had a, had a condom stuck in me two times.
05:01Sorry about that.
05:03They're a little big.
05:04They're a little bit big.
05:05He never should have went with the Magnos.
05:07No, I didn't.
05:08It doesn't matter what I go.
05:10You even went with the Juniors.
05:11Yeah.
05:12It doesn't matter.
05:13It doesn't matter.
05:13It doesn't matter.
05:13It doesn't matter.
05:13I don't like Juniors.
05:14I hope not, because that is a disturbing name.
05:16Oh, my God.
05:16That is a disturbing name.
05:19That is a disturbing.
05:21Well, what would you call it if you were ever going to call it smaller, but you didn't
05:23want to call it small?
05:25Um, I don't know.
05:28Tight.
05:29Tight.
05:30I would call, yeah, right?
05:32It's probably a better.
05:33Slim fit.
05:33Better description.
05:34I don't know about slim fit.
05:37Snug.
05:40But Juniors, you don't think?
05:41No, you can't call it that.
05:44You can't call it that.
05:45Junior condoms.
05:46You know.
05:48I think slim fit.
05:51Slim fit.
05:52And it feels like a jean to me, but I don't, I don't know.
05:56But it's kind of like it's tinier, but you don't say tiny.
05:59Yeah.
05:59I mean, that's a tough one because no one wants to buy that.
06:04But you know, you have to sometimes.
06:05Right.
06:06You have to.
06:07What do they call it?
06:08Just small?
06:08I don't even know if they have them, to be totally honest.
06:11I really don't know.
06:13Honestly, I've never thought of that before right now.
06:15Like, we always joke.
06:16They have to.
06:17They have to have it.
06:18Oh, they snug is a thing.
06:20Snug.
06:21How did you know that?
06:21How did you get the word right?
06:27I don't know.
06:28You guys dismissed it so quickly, too.
06:31We did.
06:32I figured you're packing heat.
06:35Snug.
06:35Regular or standard.
06:37Large and extra large.
06:38Oh, man.
06:40Oh, that's embarrassing.
06:43They're called Snug.
06:45The smallest one?
06:46Snug would be a great name.
06:48That's what I've heard.
06:49I made up Snug.
06:50That's what I've heard.
06:51No.
06:51He nailed it like right away.
06:53Yeah.
06:53Snug.
06:54I mean.
06:54I don't know.
06:55You guys are wrong.
06:56Snug.
06:57Then you thought it was all a joke.
06:59I did.
07:00I did.
07:01Oh, no.
07:01Don't show me this.
07:02Don't show me the picture of the sizes.
07:05Oh, no.
07:06Oh, let's see.
07:07Oh, my God.
07:08Look at that little guy.
07:09You hate to know you should be in a Snug.
07:13You hate to know exactly what my penis looks like.
07:17All right.
07:17Oh, man.
07:18I'm not too far.
07:19Let's go on here.
07:21Anthony is with us.
07:22Anthony, we're talking about something you got stuck inside you or someone else.
07:26It's actually something that got stuck inside of someone else.
07:29It's the condom thing you guys are talking about.
07:31Even if you have something that's curved, there's nothing that you can put.
07:37Like, no condom will be able to fit that won't get stuck inside somebody.
07:41It's happened multiple times.
07:42Oh, wow.
07:43So, like, the curve really messes with the flow.
07:45Like, you've got the gonzo dong?
07:47Yeah, a little bit.
07:49A little bit.
07:49Okay.
07:50All right.
07:51Yeah.
07:51And so that happens a lot.
07:52It gets hung up.
07:53It starts pulling on the side, you know?
07:55Like, it pulls the edge.
07:56Yeah, it pulls the edge right off.
07:58So, it's happened, like, three or four times.
08:00So, I just go bare.
08:02Yeah, well, that's dangerous stuff.
08:03Wow, that is dangerous.
08:04That is.
08:05That's what you got to do.
08:06Yeah, I know.
08:06Walker told me I had to.
08:07Be careful, man.
08:10Be careful, dude.
08:12Just saying.
08:13Yeah.
08:13Just saying.
08:14You got to do what you got to do.
08:16Someone said I had a needle break off in my right foot.
08:19You don't want to step on a needle by mistake, you know?
08:24Were you shooting?
08:25No, I mean, I think I've stepped on a needle in my house before that one of my kids was
08:31going through a closet and knocked over, like, a little tiny plastic thing that was full
08:36of just needles and then didn't really tell anybody.
08:40Yeah, like sewing.
08:41I don't know what you do with them.
08:43You pin fabric together with it or whatever, and one went right into my foot.
08:49And then I was like, what happened here?
08:51Oh, I dropped a hundred needles.
08:53Oh, great.
08:54My buddy had a bottle of shampoo up there.
08:56Said he slipped on it in the shower.
08:58He had to embarrassingly ask me to take him to the ER.
09:01That's what everybody says, huh?
09:03They always slip.
09:04It's a classic one, right?
09:06Chuck, if you ever slip on a shampoo bottle, please don't call me.
09:10You're the first person I'm calling now.
09:12Please do not call me.
09:13If you see my number from now on, I want you to know that there is a really high chance
09:19there's a shampoo bottle in my back.
09:22Oh, someone's inside a chuck again.
09:25I need you.
09:26Get over here.
09:27Like, why would you?
09:28To me, it's embarrassing.
09:31No doubt.
09:31I can't imagine.
09:32Yes.
09:33Just call an ambulance.
09:35Yeah, I don't get anyone else involved.
09:37You can.
09:37Oh, that's embarrassing, too.
09:39But that's embarrassing.
09:39I guess maybe only if, but an ambulance is expensive, too.
09:44So I guess if you had a roommate and times are tough, I could understand you being like.
09:48Yeah, they're expensive.
09:49Yeah, they're expensive.
09:50It's a scene and then they wheel you out and you've got to be on your stomach.
09:54And my legs are up.
09:54You've got to be on your stomach, right?
09:55I don't know.
09:56Your ass up.
09:57And then like, what is it?
09:58You see like Selsun Blue or whatever sticking out on the sheet.
10:02And he's got dandruff.
10:03Oh, my God.
10:05So embarrassing.
10:05It's so embarrassing.
10:10Oh, man.
10:11I just, what's nuts to me is that there are guys out there that are buying shampoo.
10:16They're looking at the bottle.
10:18They're looking at the bottle.
10:18They can just put it up their ass.
10:20You know?
10:21They're looking at the bottle.
10:23I was an OR nurse and had to remove ThixaFlat from a rectum that had expanded and got stuck
10:31and blew up their entire intestines.
10:33No, that's just, I don't know what you're doing.
10:35Yeah.
10:37I lost a rock ring in my wife.
10:40You know what I mean?
10:40Mm-hmm.
10:41We didn't know until a week later when it came out of her.
10:44It was completely deformed.
10:46Her vag had started to digest it.
10:48It looked like melted rubber.
10:50I don't know if they died.
10:50I don't have the girth for those things.
10:53You don't know when you, how did he not realize it wasn't on him still?
10:58It's like a condom.
10:58You would know.
10:59I think, um, you know, they come in different sizes, you know, they come in different sizes.
11:05And if you misjudge, if you misjudge, if you got the snug.
11:09Yeah.
11:10You know, if you, if you went big and you shouldn't have, and maybe some people don't realize like
11:16they need to be on there so that they don't move, you know, like there can't be, no, it
11:23can't be flying around wiggle room in the, with that thing.
11:28I don't know.
11:29Be careful with your rock rings.
11:31Yeah.
11:31Um, George is with us.
11:33George, what have you had stuck inside you?
11:34Uh, my wife had the tip of a no name Q-tip stuck in her ear.
11:41It's the damn no name ones.
11:43It's cheap.
11:44Don't go cheap.
11:45You don't.
11:46Yeah.
11:46So she was, you're not supposed to put them inside your ear.
11:49But everyone does.
11:51Yeah.
11:51But everyone does.
11:52Everybody.
11:53That was on her.
11:54Hmm.
11:55Yeah.
11:56I mean.
11:56I told her not to use those ones.
11:57Those are the ones I use for like modeling and 3D prints.
12:01Yes, exactly.
12:02There are like, uh, cleaning ones for like, yeah.
12:06Oh yeah.
12:06Stuff you use.
12:07We used to have to use them in radio all the time.
12:10But, uh, I do.
12:13I would never go cheap with those.
12:14That's one of those products I would never go cheap with.
12:17You get the brand that you get.
12:19Trust tip.
12:21That's what you get.
12:22Um, someone emailed us saying my dad just had to have a fish hook removed from his finger
12:26and they sent a video.
12:28Oh yeah.
12:29Can you handle that stuff?
12:30Yeah.
12:30Yeah.
12:30Fish hooks.
12:31No big deal.
12:32Well, this is it here.
12:34Let's see.
12:34Let's hope he doesn't swear.
12:35I might just keep the volume down.
12:38Ooh.
12:39Oh yeah.
12:39Ooh, ow.
12:41Just sucks fish hooks.
12:42They got the barb on it and makes it difficult.
12:45Oh yeah.
12:47Um, Al is with us in Windsor.
12:49Al, what have you had stuck inside of you?
12:51Uh, I had some shards of glass, shards of glass stuck inside of me.
12:55I ran through two plate glass windows.
12:57How'd you do that, Al?
12:59Escaping.
12:59Uh, running from a buddy, running from a taxi cab, running, we were kind of trying to dodge
13:05a taxi pair and, uh, there were, there was, uh, we were running towards the bar and I
13:10didn't see the plate glass windows ran through one, ran through the other.
13:15Oh my God.
13:16And I literally had hundreds of shards of glass in my body.
13:20I had part of my nose shaved off.
13:22And maybe next time just pay for the taxi, man.
13:24Yeah.
13:24Uh, yeah, it was actually the taxi driver that drove me to the hospital.
13:29Oh, that's very nice.
13:30That's the nicest Canadian taxi driver ever.
13:33Yeah.
13:33You just skipped out of your tab and he drove you to the hospital still?
13:37That's amazing.
13:38That's only in Canada.
13:40Full of blood.
13:40My brother, I go to my buddy.
13:41I'm like, Hey, but I can't see.
13:43I can't see.
13:44There was blood in my eyes.
13:45I think I'm blind.
13:46And my buddy says, yeah, I think you're blind too.
13:49And then that didn't make things any, uh, any better.
13:53And then the taxi cop driver was screaming about who was going to clean up, pay for the
13:57blood in the back of his car.
13:58But he was nice enough to drive me to the hospital.
14:01And they did a little work on me.
14:02They must've pulled probably over a hundred shards of glass out of my face, my chest, my
14:08my nose.
14:09I was lucky I didn't get blinded.
14:11Yeah.
14:11You're lucky to be alive.
14:12Yeah, you are, man.
14:13For sure.
14:13Thanks for calling in.
14:14Yeah.
14:15The world's nicest taxi driver is the guy that you run from.
14:18So you don't pay the fare and then he still takes you to the hospital.
14:20I mean, you're bleeding all over his cab.
14:22You got to pay him then though, right?
14:24Yeah.
14:25You got to pay him.
14:26A hundred percent.
14:26Yeah.
14:27You got to pay him.
14:27Hopefully a great, great tip.
14:28Yeah.
14:29Yeah.
14:30One more thing.
14:30Someone had a Virgin Mary statue up their backside.
14:34That's not right.
14:35Holy night.
14:35That's not right.
14:37You shouldn't do that.
14:39I mean, if it's all real, that is going to, you're going to, they're going to be waiting
14:44with that one right at the gate.
14:46Yeah.
14:46You know what I mean?
14:47You're not getting it.
14:47Like if it's real, they're going to be like, wow.
14:51Wow.
14:52Look at that.
14:53They're going to show you a picture of it and all that.
14:55It's not great.
14:56You're going to show you a picture of it and all that.
14:57You're going to show you a picture of it.
15:00It's not good.
15:01I've got it.
15:01It's beautiful.
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