- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:30CastingWords
00:01:59CastingWords
00:02:29The first time I saw him driving up in the back of that turn-up truck,
00:02:34I thought to myself,
00:02:36now there's a geek,
00:02:38but basically he was just a very nice guy.
00:02:43He just had a one-track mind. He was obsessed.
00:02:47I went out with Pando once, and one time only.
00:02:52Never again.
00:02:54I'd heard about him, and everything I heard about him was true.
00:02:58And now he's famous.
00:03:00I don't believe it.
00:03:02No, no, I understand.
00:03:04Pando, Senatra, no!
00:03:07There was something about him.
00:03:11I think it made me want to throw up.
00:03:14He was, what you call in America, a nerd.
00:03:19All this talk is like Pando was turned into this big myth or something.
00:03:23He was just an ordinary guy.
00:03:25He was very horny, yes, but he was an ordinary guy.
00:03:28I heard he was raised on a pig farm. I believe it.
00:03:31He wasn't that bad.
00:03:33I was the first one. It all started with me.
00:03:36I think I'm the one that should be famous, not him. Creep.
00:03:39I tried to introduce him to campus life.
00:03:47There were some amazing-looking girls at this school.
00:03:50I tried to teach him to walk like a stud.
00:03:51I tried to teach him to walk like a stud.
00:03:53I tried to teach him to walk like a stud.
00:03:54I tried to teach him to walk like a stud.
00:03:55I tried to teach him to walk like a stud.
00:03:56It was hopeless. I mean, everyone agreed.
00:03:58I knew Sinatra was going to die a virgin.
00:03:59It was hopeless. I mean, everyone agreed.
00:04:01I knew Sinatra was going to die a virgin.
00:04:02I never dreamed that it would turn out the way it did.
00:04:03It was hopeless. I mean, everyone agreed.
00:04:08I knew Sinatra was going to die a virgin.
00:04:10I never dreamed that it would turn out the way it did.
00:04:12Women hate me.
00:04:13It's ridiculous.
00:04:15You know, I'm a fine girl.
00:04:16I'm a female.
00:04:17I love it.
00:04:18I love it.
00:04:19I'm a lavender.
00:04:20I love it.
00:04:21You know, I love it.
00:04:22It was hopeless. I mean, everyone agreed.
00:04:25Pondo Sinatra was going to die a virgin.
00:04:29I never dreamed that it would turn out the way it did.
00:04:35Women hate me.
00:04:37It's ridiculous.
00:04:38I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass.
00:04:41Don't say that.
00:04:43It's true.
00:04:44Well, I know it might be true, but don't say it out loud.
00:04:46I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass!
00:04:49Give it!
00:04:50I'm sorry!
00:04:51Pondo, no!
00:04:52No!
00:04:53Pondo!
00:04:54Why not?
00:04:55I'm not that kind of a girl!
00:04:57Yes, you are.
00:04:58Pondo, stop it!
00:05:00Why?
00:05:01I don't know you well enough!
00:05:03Please.
00:05:04No.
00:05:05I'm a virgin.
00:05:06Get used to it.
00:05:07Please.
00:05:08I've got to know what it's like.
00:05:09I'm going blind.
00:05:10Pondo, don't beg.
00:05:12Pondo, don't beg.
00:05:14Pondo, don't beg.
00:05:17Pondo, don't beg.
00:05:19Why not?
00:05:22Drive me home.
00:05:24Bend over and I'll drive you home.
00:05:26That's disgusting!
00:05:27Don't go.
00:05:28I'm sorry.
00:05:29Please.
00:05:30Ah!
00:05:31Pondo, Sinatra, everything I've heard about you is true.
00:05:34You're an animal and you're disgusting and you're gross.
00:05:37Can I call you tomorrow?
00:05:40Seduction is an art.
00:05:42You make love, you create art.
00:05:45You, Pondo, you wage war, you understand?
00:05:48Silly, it is a war.
00:05:50It's hell.
00:05:51Old Pondo was 26 years old when he started to college.
00:05:55Now, you've heard of a second-year senior.
00:05:58Well, old Pondo, he was a fifth-year senior.
00:06:02They finally helped an election and booted the boy out.
00:06:06They found him today.
00:06:56Let's go.
00:07:26Let's go.
00:07:56Let's go.
00:08:26Let's go.
00:08:56Let's go.
00:08:58Let's go.
00:09:00Let's go.
00:09:02Let's go.
00:09:04Let's go.
00:09:06Let's go.
00:09:08Let's go.
00:09:10Let's go.
00:09:12Let's go.
00:09:14Let's go.
00:09:22Let's go.
00:09:24Let's go.
00:09:26Let's go.
00:09:30Let's go.
00:09:38Let's go.
00:09:40Let's go.
00:09:48Let's go.
00:09:50Let's go.
00:09:52Let's go.
00:10:02Let's go.
00:10:04Let's go.
00:10:06Yeah.
00:10:08Yeah.
00:10:10Yeah.
00:10:12Let's go.
00:10:14We got a live one, Pondo.
00:10:16Happy blue.
00:10:18Oh, God, I love nature.
00:10:23I love the sun and its hydrogen licking my burning skin.
00:10:29Test testing.
00:10:30I love the grass roaring up out of the ground.
00:10:34Protoplasm come to get me.
00:10:37I love the wind whirling.
00:10:40What's that?
00:10:42Um, a hearing aid.
00:10:44Oh, I talk louder.
00:10:45That's okay. That's fine. It's fine.
00:10:47Don't panic.
00:10:48Give her the champagne.
00:10:51Do you want some champagne?
00:10:53I can do without the sham.
00:10:55Just give me the pen.
00:10:58Don't whine.
00:11:00Don't whine.
00:11:03Oh, it's pun, yes?
00:11:06Are you a poet? Are you a wit?
00:11:10I'm a nitwit.
00:11:11I'm a nitwit.
00:11:13I'm a halfwit.
00:11:14I'm a halfwit.
00:11:15I'm a moron.
00:11:17Really.
00:11:18Goddamn you, Stanley.
00:11:19Really.
00:11:20Will you just trust me on this, okay?
00:11:24Before you.
00:11:25Before you.
00:11:26I am wordless and brainless.
00:11:28I am wordless and brainless.
00:11:30Druck dumb.
00:11:31Druck dumb.
00:11:31And left mindless.
00:11:32And left mindless.
00:11:34Before the ferocious intelligence of your beauty.
00:11:37Before the ferocious intelligence of your beauty.
00:11:41You silver-tongued little devil.
00:11:49No devil.
00:11:51No devil.
00:11:52You are certainly no saint.
00:11:54I am a pilgrim.
00:11:56I am a pilgrim.
00:11:58Come to worship.
00:12:01Come to worship.
00:12:03Worship what, pilgrim?
00:12:05My headphones are out.
00:12:14That's okay.
00:12:16I can hear you.
00:12:19Worship what, pilgrim?
00:12:20Uh, no.
00:12:21Worship what?
00:12:22Tell me and I'm yours.
00:12:24You tell me.
00:12:26Make up something.
00:12:27Uh, the holy spot.
00:12:30No.
00:12:31The fertile delta?
00:12:32No.
00:12:33The bearded clam?
00:12:35Wondo!
00:12:35I thought you were a boy.
00:12:37I am, I am.
00:12:38Well then make love to me in verse.
00:12:41Go, do it.
00:12:44Do it.
00:12:45But I'm leaving.
00:12:47Roses are red.
00:12:49Violets are blue.
00:12:51You got big tits, I want to suck on them too.
00:12:54I'm leaving.
00:12:55Wait, Natasha!
00:12:56Good evening, I'm just going to get off.
00:13:00I can get down.
00:13:03Oh yeah, I'm a party animal.
00:13:06I can get down, but honestly, how do you expect me to party with no tools?
00:13:12I'm a party animal now.
00:13:14You're a party animal.
00:13:15I'm a party animal.
00:13:17You're a party animal.
00:13:18I'm a party animal.
00:13:20You're a party animal.
00:13:22Party animal.
00:13:24You're a party animal.
00:13:25Oh, basically, it was a great super-minded majesty
00:13:30Kept tuning on alpha, kept getting put down
00:13:34Never knew, never knew, never knew
00:13:37I never knew
00:13:39Go ahead and do it, get down
00:13:41I'm a party animal
00:13:43I'm a party animal
00:13:45I'm a party animal
00:13:49I'm a party animal
00:13:51I'm a party animal
00:13:53I'm a party animal
00:13:55So I go out
00:13:57I'm a party animal
00:14:05Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:14:07Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:14:09Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:14:11Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:14:13Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:14:15Ponder, you've gotta learn to knock
00:14:17You got enough knockers in here
00:14:19What you want?
00:14:21I'm gonna kill myself
00:14:23I don't, don't get up
00:14:27All right, all right
00:14:29I'll help you
00:14:31Your will?
00:14:32Sure
00:14:33How?
00:14:34You ever seen the school nurse?
00:14:35She's beautiful
00:14:37She's yours
00:14:38What?
00:14:39What are they asking?
00:14:40How? What do I say to her?
00:14:41You get her to examine you
00:14:43What did I say?
00:14:45Tell her you got a problem with your pecker
00:14:47I got a problem with my pecker?
00:14:49Your what?
00:14:51My hooter
00:14:53How long have you had it?
00:14:57When I had my hooter all my life
00:14:59What's the problem with your member?
00:15:01My what?
00:15:03Your member
00:15:05Well I never thought of him as a member
00:15:07I kinda always thought of him as a loner
00:15:09Take off your pants
00:15:15Underwear too?
00:15:17I'll take off mine if you take off yours
00:15:19Get off on the table
00:15:21No, no, no
00:15:23No, no, no
00:15:27I'll take off mine if you take off yours
00:15:29Get off on the table
00:15:35No, no, no
00:15:43She came at you with a face like a flower
00:15:45Her mini skirt, short boots and a whiskey sour
00:15:49Don't know why they won't grow up so fast
00:15:51And lose precious hours
00:15:53She's just a girl, just a girl
00:15:56You make them up and set them up
00:15:58And give them some lines
00:16:00That 14 year old's acting like she's 29
00:16:03She thinks she's got it made
00:16:05But loses every time
00:16:07Cause she's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:10She's just a girl
00:16:13And you welcome her with open arms
00:16:15You could be her father
00:16:18She's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:20Say that what she wants
00:16:22And I'll give you her
00:16:24Don't you see?
00:16:25She's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:27She's just a girl
00:16:28She's only a girl
00:16:30Oh
00:16:32She's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:34She's just a girl
00:16:35She's only a girl
00:16:37Don't you see?
00:16:39She's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:41She's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:44She's just a girl, just a girl
00:16:47She's just a girl, just a...
00:16:51Pondo, you've got to quit giving up.
00:16:58You just need some training.
00:17:00Training? What do you need to do?
00:17:02You need to know what to do.
00:17:05I know what to do.
00:17:06But you don't know how to do it.
00:17:08You need a teacher.
00:17:09Yes, I do want my teacher.
00:17:12What?
00:17:13You say you want my sister.
00:17:17I want to take you to see my teacher.
00:17:20Elba.
00:17:21Elba?
00:17:22Elba.
00:17:26Okay.
00:17:31Oh, shit, Studley, I'm sorry.
00:17:33Hey, it's all right, man.
00:17:39So you come to Ol' Elba for some advice, huh?
00:17:50Yes, sir.
00:17:52You ain't getting no pussy, is you?
00:17:57No, sir.
00:17:58Why do you think we call pussy pussy?
00:18:05Well, I don't know, sir.
00:18:07Because it's furry?
00:18:09Nah.
00:18:10Because it's warm?
00:18:13Uh-uh.
00:18:15Because it's scratch when it gets angry.
00:18:18Nah.
00:18:19Well, what then?
00:18:22Nah, it don't fur.
00:18:23Ain't it don't meow?
00:18:28Then why do we call it pussy?
00:18:33I don't know, sir.
00:18:34Because that old hound dog gonna eat it up.
00:18:37You've got to be the hound dog.
00:18:39You've got to let that pussy know you're the hound dog.
00:18:43Put it in your mind.
00:18:46Be it in your body.
00:18:48Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
00:18:51Let me hear you say that, boy.
00:18:54Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:18:58No, no, no.
00:18:59Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:03Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:06Hound dog.
00:19:08Hound dog.
00:19:09One more.
00:19:10Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:16Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:21MUSIC CONTINUES
00:19:51MUSIC CONTINUES
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00:20:42Listen, take note and look,
00:20:46because the Hound Dog, he done written a book.
00:20:49I'm a man.
00:20:51I'm a brother.
00:20:53I'm a soul brother.
00:20:55I'm a...
00:21:01Honky.
00:21:12What are you kidding me?
00:21:15Let's go.
00:22:15Hi, girls.
00:22:21My name's Lulabelle.
00:22:23Let's play some cards.
00:22:25What kind of cards do you want to play?
00:22:27Strip poker?
00:22:29Fine.
00:22:31All right, now, does everybody understand how to play?
00:22:33I don't understand.
00:22:35You mean, if I lose, I lose my clothes?
00:22:38Absolutely.
00:22:39Lillie's card loses.
00:22:41Oh, so.
00:22:43If I lose, I lose big, no?
00:22:45Take one.
00:22:46Let's see how you like you.
00:22:47There you go.
00:22:48One for you.
00:22:51Okay, show your cards.
00:22:53Seven.
00:22:53Seven.
00:22:54Nine.
00:22:54Nine?
00:22:55Seven.
00:22:55Nine.
00:22:56What did you get?
00:22:58I got two.
00:23:00Oh, you should get.
00:23:02Well, you gotta play by the rules.
00:23:04Off it comes.
00:23:04I'm embarrassed.
00:23:05Oh.
00:23:06Don't be.
00:23:07It's just us.
00:23:08Come on.
00:23:09Show the boobie.
00:23:10Take off your goddamn shirt.
00:23:15Come on.
00:23:16Come on.
00:23:18Come on.
00:23:19Come on.
00:23:19Come on.
00:23:21Oh, beautiful.
00:23:23Come on.
00:23:23There you go.
00:23:24No more?
00:23:24For everybody.
00:23:28I hope you lose.
00:23:29I win.
00:23:30Bye.
00:23:32I lose.
00:23:34Sure does.
00:23:35We lost the war.
00:23:39Yeah, I know.
00:23:41But, I mean, that was years ago.
00:23:43A defeat like that kills all the romance in a woman's heart.
00:23:48I really find that hard to believe.
00:23:51I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass.
00:23:54Don't say that.
00:23:56It's true.
00:23:57Well, I know it might be true, but don't say it out loud.
00:23:59I'd sell myself for a piece of ass!
00:24:02I'm incredibly sorry.
00:24:03Don't say that.
00:24:06I think you need some new clothes.
00:24:08Clothes make the man.
00:24:10Now, I want you to go to Willinger's.
00:24:13You got that?
00:24:14Willinger's.
00:24:14It's a clothing store.
00:24:16You tell them to give you the works.
00:24:18Willinger's.
00:24:19You tell them to give you the works.
00:24:34You tell them to give you the works.
00:24:34Tell them to give you the works.
00:24:40Tell them to give you the fuck right here.
00:24:44Damn you, stuffy!
00:25:15Hi, Studley.
00:25:19Oh, no, no!
00:25:44Would you shut up?
00:25:54Would you shut up?
00:26:00I am not an animal.
00:26:10Bullshit! That's an animal!
00:26:12Whoa!
00:26:19Condo, don't worry about it,
00:26:20because I got it all figured out.
00:26:22This is absolutely guaranteed to get you laid.
00:26:27I have never seen this fail.
00:26:30Fine.
00:26:42One blue job, $22.50.
00:26:59One hand job, $11.50.
00:27:02One hemorrhoid massage, $12.95.
00:27:11Hi, girls.
00:27:13Ponder, come on.
00:27:15No, don't go away.
00:27:17Come on, don't be embarrassed.
00:27:19Attaboy.
00:27:20Hi, girls.
00:27:26What the hell?
00:27:28Ew.
00:27:30Oh, my God.
00:27:32Face only a cockroach.
00:27:34I got money.
00:27:36Oh, you had to fuck my father.
00:27:39Get away from me!
00:27:40Studley.
00:27:42Studley.
00:27:44Studley.
00:27:47Damn.
00:27:48All dressed up and no place to go.
00:27:50Man air up in his fire.
00:27:51Now I'm over here.
00:27:52And I'm out of now.
00:27:53And I'm out of here.
00:27:55That's all.
00:27:56You need to find him now.
00:27:58You need to find a way to go.
00:27:59All right.
00:28:01And I'll be with you today.
00:28:02Let's go.
00:28:03Man, everything is fine
00:28:19Now I'm always here to have a good time
00:28:22Never wondering why I've been fine
00:28:26Now I'm on the right side to stay
00:28:28Hey!
00:28:31I've been waiting so long
00:28:33For something like this
00:28:35Elbow, you gotta help me with Pondo.
00:28:39Can't do it.
00:28:39Talk to him.
00:28:41I talked to him. It didn't help.
00:28:43He keeps trying to kill himself.
00:28:45That's because he can't get no tail, Studley.
00:28:48But I tell you something.
00:28:49The more tail you get, the more tail you get.
00:28:53Now you ought to know that, Studley.
00:28:55Yes, sir.
00:28:56Well, the less tail you get, the less you get.
00:29:00Now that's true, too.
00:29:01Amen.
00:29:01Now Pondo is going downhill, and he's picking up speed by the minute.
00:29:06The best just to get out of the way.
00:29:08I can't do that. He's my best friend.
00:29:10This is bigger than friendship.
00:29:12This is what you call, uh, cosmic.
00:29:15Really?
00:29:15Yeah. Uh, the Buddhists call it, let me see, uh, reincarnation.
00:29:21I thought you were a Baptist.
00:29:25I figure Pondo is paying for some past lifetime.
00:29:29He'd be bad back there.
00:29:32Maybe a pharaoh.
00:29:35Maybe he had a harem of a thousand wives.
00:29:38A thousand wives?
00:29:39You know, maybe he was a jackrabbit.
00:29:43A jackrabbit?
00:29:44Yeah.
00:29:45Now that explains it.
00:29:46In past life, Pondo was a horny little jackrabbit.
00:29:50And he got so much rabbit pussy, the good Lord said,
00:29:53you can't have him no more.
00:29:55That explains it all.
00:29:56I don't know.
00:29:58I have never seen anybody try so hard.
00:30:01Me neither.
00:30:02But you know what?
00:30:04That's nature.
00:30:05And Mother Nature's a beautiful woman.
00:30:08You know, she'd be the final piece of ass.
00:30:10Understand?
00:30:12Yes, sir.
00:30:13Leave it be.
00:30:15That's what you call karma.
00:30:17Karma?
00:30:19Karma.
00:30:26I just want to be there.
00:30:46I just want to be there.
00:30:46I just want to be there.
00:30:48I do what I do wrong.
00:30:52I'm going to be a party here.
00:30:53I'm going to be a little feld.
00:30:54I don't want to be exactly a little feld.
00:31:02Napoleon was sure.
00:31:05Did he and Elaine?
00:31:07I'm all the time.
00:31:08I'm all the time.
00:31:09I'm all the time.
00:31:11I'm all the time.
00:31:12What am I doing?
00:31:16Everything.
00:31:17Everything.
00:31:17Tell me what to do.
00:31:21Please.
00:31:21I don't piece of ass.
00:31:23Oh, please.
00:31:24Not that you were the last man to be a person.
00:31:27Please, forget it.
00:31:29No, no, no.
00:31:31No.
00:31:32I'm not a virgin.
00:31:33I'm not a virgin.
00:31:35I'm not a virgin.
00:31:35No, no.
00:31:36I'm not a virgin.
00:31:37No, no, no, no.
00:31:38I'm not a virgin.
00:31:39No, no, no, no, no.
00:31:40No, no, no, no.
00:31:42Oh, my God.
00:32:12Who was that?
00:32:22Trouble.
00:32:24She's that girl everywhere I go.
00:32:26I even started dreaming about her.
00:32:29Hey, you forget her.
00:32:31Forget hell.
00:32:32Now that's a woman.
00:32:42How the hell am I going to get laid?
00:32:48Drugs.
00:32:50Women love drugs.
00:32:51I've been flat, broke, had to run my knees, but it's going all right now.
00:33:06Now I'm ready.
00:33:08No one.
00:33:12I'm disguised poverty, kept my chin up and lashed like that.
00:33:16Now I'm ready.
00:33:17No one.
00:33:22Water from the nation.
00:33:25Money in the nation.
00:33:28The drugs is here.
00:33:30I've got drugs.
00:33:31I've got a person.
00:33:32Hey, ladies.
00:33:33Drugs.
00:33:34Women love drugs.
00:33:35Night's unreal, because the people were thousands.
00:33:41Something's wrong somewhere now and I'm made.
00:33:45No one.
00:33:49Hope for a day when justice would come for.
00:33:52Chance would be a fine thing now and I'm made.
00:33:55No one.
00:33:57See, we better get a lighter.
00:34:17It's going all right now.
00:34:19You little shit.
00:34:24Why don't we do some pills?
00:34:25corticals.
00:34:26It's going all right.
00:34:28Take out the lights like that.
00:34:29You know what I mean again.
00:34:38Oh, I'm moving cold.
00:34:42I'm moving.
00:34:43Back in.
00:34:44Back in.
00:34:48White.
00:34:50Look good.
00:34:53Oh, my God.
00:35:23Oh, my God.
00:35:28Acid.
00:35:41I'm not going to purple.
00:35:50Mirror.
00:35:53I'm going to slide them out of here with me.
00:35:59I'm going to lay this in the oven.
00:36:01Yes.
00:36:02I'm going to do a lot of two ears.
00:36:15I'm going to do a lot of three ears.
00:36:21Oh, my God.
00:36:23Let's go.
00:36:53Let's go.
00:37:23Let's go.
00:37:53Find him!
00:37:54Find him!
00:37:55Find him!
00:37:56Find him!
00:37:57Find him!
00:37:58Find him!
00:37:59Find him!
00:38:00Find him!
00:38:01Find him!
00:38:02Find him!
00:38:03Find him!
00:38:04Find him!
00:38:05Find him!
00:38:06Find him!
00:38:07Find him!
00:38:08Who's he you don't want to know
00:38:38Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:39:08Oh, yeah, yeah
00:39:38All right, what's this for?
00:39:46Twins
00:39:58Do you know how unhappy this one paragraph makes me?
00:40:02You know what this is about?
00:40:06This is about the salt talks
00:40:09You know what the salt talks are?
00:40:11Yeah, sure boss, strategic arms limitation treaty
00:40:14That's right, that's very good
00:40:16So what they do, they say, well listen, we'll get some more missiles
00:40:19Moscow has more missiles, we need more missiles
00:40:22So they come up with a new program
00:40:24They call it the START
00:40:26You know what START is?
00:40:28Strategic arms reduction talks
00:40:32That's very good too, but you see
00:40:34What it really means is
00:40:36It's the start of the end
00:40:38It's the start of nuclear destruction in this world as we know it today
00:40:43Wait a minute, I can give you a little audio visual aids here
00:40:47Let's see
00:40:48Let me take this missile here, okay?
00:40:51This will represent a missile in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
00:40:54Okay?
00:40:55This will be the death count four in Colorado
00:40:57All right?
00:40:58Those are yours
00:40:59And we'll set up some missiles in Moscow
00:41:01I got this one and this one over here, okay?
00:41:03Red square, right there
00:41:05Now let's say
00:41:07This is the president
00:41:08Okay?
00:41:10So
00:41:11One day
00:41:12He comes in the office after having a bad night
00:41:14Hasn't been so good for him, right?
00:41:16So this prick comes into his office
00:41:18Scratches his head
00:41:20And says
00:41:21I think I'll blow up the world today
00:41:23Leans over
00:41:24Presses the button
00:41:25What's that do?
00:41:26That launches your missile from Pittsburgh, right?
00:41:29Go ahead, launch it
00:41:31Go
00:41:35So Moscow sees it coming
00:41:36It says
00:41:37Oh, Matakonski is sending a missile
00:41:38We have to take care of this
00:41:45Russia's really pissed off now, right?
00:41:47So what they do is they decide to send a missile of their own, right?
00:41:56Okay
00:41:57Okay
00:41:58We've got a mess here
00:41:59A total mess
00:42:00But one more thing
00:42:01Russia's got a missile they've been keeping up their sleeve
00:42:04They roll it into position
00:42:06They launch it
00:42:07And
00:42:10We're fucked
00:42:15Scary shit, boss
00:42:16Yeah
00:42:17It's a shame
00:42:18Because you know
00:42:19I love America
00:42:21America could have been somebody
00:42:23America could have been a contender
00:42:27I need something to help me with women
00:42:30You came to the right place
00:42:32Well, sell me something
00:42:34I got just the thing here for beginners
00:42:37Got a little starter model right here
00:42:40What is it?
00:42:41It's a vibrator
00:42:48I'll take it
00:42:49What size do you want?
00:42:50I want the biggest one you got
00:42:51The M5, boss?
00:42:52The M5
00:42:53Yeah
00:42:54You don't want that one
00:42:55He wants it
00:42:57You don't want that one, kid
00:43:00I want it
00:43:01The M5 sexual device?
00:43:02You don't want that one, kid
00:43:03Yes, he does
00:43:04He wants the M5
00:43:05Because he wants the M5
00:43:06The M5's the greatest sexual device ever devised
00:43:08You don't want that one
00:43:09I want the M5
00:43:16Oh, no, come on
00:43:17It's coal out here
00:43:18Um, hmm
00:43:32Well, it seems so real
00:43:35I can't see it
00:43:38Well, Norah
00:43:39Don't go away
00:43:40I'll be right back
00:43:43This will be worth it
00:43:44If you're doing it
00:43:45I can't taste it
00:43:48No, Bo!
00:43:49Let her rip
00:43:51I can't hear it
00:43:54So long
00:43:56I cannot touch it
00:44:15I can't hear it
00:44:45So long
00:44:47I cannot touch it
00:44:53So long
00:44:59I cannot touch it
00:45:03May I help you?
00:45:16I'm here to see the dean
00:45:17Really?
00:45:25Name?
00:45:27Ponder Sinatra
00:45:28Mr. Sinatra is here to see you
00:45:33Yes, ma'am
00:45:36You can go right in
00:45:38Thanks, ma'am
00:45:40This thing blocked out the entire campus last night, Mr. Sinatra
00:45:52We have rules at this college, Mr. Libido
00:45:56And if you do not abide by those rules, you'll be out on your ass
00:46:00Is that clear?
00:46:01Yes, ma'am
00:46:02You may go
00:46:04Absolutely anything is possible
00:46:08Anything is possible
00:46:12From interstellar communications
00:46:16To the development of a functioning aphrodisiac
00:46:24Now, let us first look
00:46:27Uh, Professor Schmidt
00:46:29Yes, Mr. Sinatra
00:46:33What is an aphrodisiac?
00:46:35The word aphrodisiac comes from the African root
00:46:43Afro
00:46:45meaning
00:46:48Large penis
00:46:51Und
00:46:53The Greek
00:46:55Desiac
00:46:59Which means
00:47:01Want it bad
00:47:05Now, class, please
00:47:07Repeat after me
00:47:09Aphrodisiac
00:47:11and large penis want it back.
00:47:17You got it.
00:47:19Professor?
00:47:21If one wanted to make an aphrodisiac, what would one do?
00:47:26One would have to find, you see,
00:47:31that element which most stimulates the female libido.
00:47:41Ha, ha, ha.
00:48:11And it's fine now.
00:48:13Please, Louise.
00:48:14No, I want to go home.
00:48:15I've got something for you.
00:48:17I'll bet you do.
00:48:18No, it's not what you think.
00:48:20What is it?
00:48:21You will never guess.
00:48:23A hot beef injection?
00:48:25No.
00:48:26A trouser worm?
00:48:27Uh-uh.
00:48:28What is it?
00:48:31What's that?
00:48:32Well, this is, uh...
00:48:34It's, uh...
00:48:36No.
00:48:37Ah!
00:48:40Oh, shit.
00:49:07I like it this way.
00:49:09This temperament crazy.
00:49:31Hey.
00:49:34Hey.
00:50:04Do you know what these are?
00:50:13No.
00:50:14Gas pills.
00:50:15What?
00:50:16They make you fart.
00:50:17Make you fart?
00:50:18Shh.
00:50:19Come on.
00:50:27Oh, that's been it.
00:50:2922 years of blue balls, and now it's over.
00:50:32No, it's over.
00:50:34Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia.
00:50:40Sophie!
00:50:41Studley, mamma mia!
00:50:42Just go out with him. He's my best friend.
00:50:45I can't get anyone else on campus to go out with him.
00:50:48Si, Studley.
00:50:50Now, he does not speak Italian.
00:50:52Italiano, bueno, bueno!
00:50:54No, no, no, no. No Italiano.
00:50:57No, maledizione.
00:51:00Capiscio.
00:51:02Uh, he's gonna be here at 6 o'clock.
00:51:04Buongiorno, Studley.
00:51:06Bye. Uh, yeah. Bye.
00:51:24Oh, bello.
00:51:26Buongiorno.
00:51:37Swallow.
00:51:38Just swallow.
00:51:40Swallow.
00:51:42Ooh.
00:51:44That's good.
00:51:46Amore mio.
00:51:48Let's take your car.
00:51:50Well, that's really cool, Reilly.
00:51:51Yeah.
00:51:52I don't know.
00:52:22Oh!
00:52:23Ah!
00:52:24Oh!
00:52:25Ah!
00:52:26Ah!
00:52:27Ah!
00:52:28Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:32Ah!
00:52:46Ah!
00:52:49Ah!
00:52:50Scusi!
00:53:06Mamma mia!
00:53:10Non capisco.
00:53:12Non mi era mai capitato, saranno stati quelli spaghetti americani di ieri sera.
00:53:17Are you kidding me?
00:53:47Don't write a match!
00:54:09Huh?
00:54:10Don't write a match!
00:54:13Huh?
00:54:17Mr. Sinatra, you leave me no choice.
00:54:38Your presence at this university can no longer be tolerated.
00:54:44God knows what I'm going to tell the parents of these poor children.
00:54:51Oh, shit.
00:54:56Not a pretty sight, is it, Pondo?
00:54:58Are you pleased with yourself?
00:55:05Pack your things and get out.
00:55:07Hey, Pondo.
00:55:08I heard you got thrown out of school.
00:55:09Yes, sir.
00:55:10I'm sorry.
00:55:11I'm sorry.
00:55:12I'm sorry.
00:55:13I'm sorry.
00:55:14I'm sorry.
00:55:15I'm sorry.
00:55:16I'm sorry.
00:55:17I'm sorry.
00:55:18I'm sorry.
00:55:19I'm sorry.
00:55:20I'm sorry.
00:55:21I'm sorry.
00:55:22I'm sorry.
00:55:23Hey, Pondo.
00:55:24I heard you got thrown out of school.
00:55:27Yes, sir.
00:55:28Well, you don't have to clean up that mess.
00:55:30I'll clean it up.
00:55:31Don't worry about it.
00:55:32I made a mess.
00:55:33Clean it up.
00:55:34You got it.
00:55:39Hi, Holly.
00:55:53What?
00:55:54I know.
00:56:22What?
00:56:24Shut up and kiss me.
00:56:28Ow!
00:56:30Oh?
00:56:31Holly?
00:56:32You okay?
00:56:33Why are you?
00:56:34What are you?
00:56:35Oh.
00:56:42Don't go.
00:56:43Easy, baby.
00:56:45Now I'm gonna show you the eighth wonder of the world.
00:56:57Don't you touch me.
00:56:59Holly?
00:57:00Oh.
00:57:02Holly?
00:57:03Um, can I...
00:57:04What is this shit?
00:57:18What is this shit?
00:57:27Elbow?
00:57:31Elbow!
00:57:33Elbow!
00:57:34Elbow, wait!
00:57:35I'll clean it up.
00:57:36I'll clean it up.
00:57:37I'll do it.
00:57:38Go have a bourbon in the boiler room.
00:57:39All right.
00:57:40Bye, Elbow.
00:57:41Go on.
00:57:42Go on.
00:57:43You it?
00:57:44Talk to me.
00:57:45Not that much.
00:57:46Do what I've been looking for.
00:57:50I got it.
00:57:51I got it.
00:57:52I got it.
00:57:53I got it.
00:57:54Elbow!
00:57:55studied.
00:57:56I got it!
00:57:57Elbow!
00:57:58Studley!
00:57:59I got it!
00:58:00I got it!
00:58:09I got it!
00:58:14Elbow!
00:58:15Stunley!
00:58:17I got it!
00:58:54on the doorstep listening alone and all I hear is rain falling from my eyes
00:59:10these kinds of days I really miss you now
00:59:17the seasons will change again I really miss you now
00:59:23I said your name I wonder where you are
00:59:30what's in the rain and it makes me remember
00:59:35things I tried to say
00:59:38No, not the whipped cream, not the whipped cream
00:59:43I'm home, I'm home, I'm home, I'm home
00:59:48Hi girls
00:59:57Out of the way
00:59:58Out of the way
00:59:59Whoa
01:00:07Oh
01:00:08What happened?
01:00:13I found it
01:00:14You found what?
01:00:15I'm a party animal
01:00:17Yeah, I can see that
01:00:19Up, up, up, up
01:00:31Up, up, up, up, up
01:00:34A baseball face
01:00:36Again in the night
01:00:37Standing straight
01:00:38And give me trouble
01:00:40Check it out
01:00:41Up, up, up
01:00:42Oh, man.
01:00:43Oh, man.
01:00:44Oh, man.
01:00:45Oh, man.
01:00:46Oh, man.
01:00:47Oh, man.
01:00:48Now in this, and you get it right.
01:00:50Today's the first time you're gonna learn how to fight.
01:00:53Forget about those sentiments you always feel.
01:00:56From now on, all you think about a skidding pill.
01:00:59I know.
01:01:00Yes!
01:01:01Now I mean what I say, cause I'm your general.
01:01:05Say all your night and day, cause I'm your general.
01:01:08I'm the one in charge, I'm a general.
01:01:11I'm the one in charge, I'm the one in charge.
01:01:14Sex weights, I'm a woman killer.
01:01:16Sex weights?
01:01:17Yeah, fiends.
01:01:18Women.
01:01:19Girls.
01:01:20Girls.
01:01:21Girls.
01:01:22Girls.
01:01:23Girls.
01:01:24Girls.
01:01:25Good morning.
01:01:27Ponder, the girl is a half a mile away.
01:01:30Oh, pretty.
01:01:32Hey!
01:01:34Girlie!
01:01:37Over here.
01:01:39Hey.
01:01:45Ah!
01:01:46ha!
01:01:47Ah!
01:01:48Oh!
01:01:49Ah!
01:01:50Oh!
01:01:51Oh!
01:01:52Oh!
01:01:53Ah!
01:01:54Ah!
01:01:55There you go, Oh!
01:01:56No, we don't been,ã‚li!
01:01:57So I'm your general, yeah, I think what I say, cause I'm your general.
01:02:00I'm a general rule of the one that is yours
01:02:03Yes, I'm a general, I'm much bigger than stars
01:02:06This is the Mount Everest of womanhood.
01:02:11No sweat.
01:02:12These girls live behind steel doors.
01:02:14No sweat!
01:02:15No man has ever made it to the third floor of this building.
01:02:18Suddenly, no sweat!
01:02:20All right.
01:02:30I need a beer.
01:02:48Get me!
01:02:49Get me!
01:02:50Get me!
01:02:51Get me!
01:02:52Get me!
01:02:53Oh!
01:02:54Oh!
01:02:55Oh!
01:02:56Oh!
01:02:57Oh!
01:02:58Oh!
01:02:59Oh!
01:03:00Au contraire, Pando.
01:03:02Look.
01:03:04Pando!
01:03:05Pando!
01:03:06Pando!
01:03:07Go!
01:03:29I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm lost without a clue, so how come I don't through the tangled of whose words? I keep grieving, I don't know if I should be believing, be sent to the ceiling.
01:03:45That's my time though.
01:04:15And stop.
01:04:25Pondo, I am so proud of you.
01:04:29We gotta get you back in school.
01:04:31I gotta see the dean.
01:04:32She's busy.
01:04:38But I'm not.
01:04:41New in town, sailor.
01:04:44I've got a headache.
01:04:47You need to relax.
01:04:49Oh, you need to relax.
01:04:52Be calm.
01:04:54Take a deep breath.
01:04:56See these fingers?
01:04:58They work wonders.
01:05:00This won't hurt a bit.
01:05:02I promise.
01:05:04Oh, no, no, no, you don't.
01:05:06Oh, wait.
01:05:08Oh, my God.
01:05:09I think I'm in love.
01:05:11Dean Fox?
01:05:13You are not Dean Fox.
01:05:18No, honey.
01:05:19I'm the new dean.
01:05:21Ooh-wee!
01:05:23What?
01:05:24Look what the gods done sent me.
01:05:301925, Dr. Bob Stern discovered this.
01:05:38He believed that this was some sort of symbol for, oh, people who would go into the cave and tell them how to get out.
01:05:45Because he himself had gotten lost at this point at one time, telling people to travel to Lord's Word.
01:05:51Would you knock it off?
01:05:53It was a map of some sort.
01:05:57The Stern map.
01:05:58We call this the Stern map.
01:06:00They used this at NASA to get the spaceships from Earth to the moon and back without this, uh...
01:06:07Hondo, take me!
01:06:09I don't know if I like this anymore.
01:06:30Hondo, this is every man's dream.
01:06:33I'm scared and I'm tired.
01:06:34Go away!
01:06:36Scared of what?
01:06:37Every woman I see wants me!
01:06:39That's wonderful!
01:06:40No, it's terrible, Stubly.
01:06:42I am greedy.
01:06:44I'm like King Midas.
01:06:46Everything I touch turns to poontang.
01:06:59What?
01:07:00What is this?
01:07:01All this fuss, this commotion?
01:07:03Over who?
01:07:04Over pando?
01:07:06Of course, in the total scope of things, he wasn't asking for very much.
01:07:11He just wanted to get himself a little, that's all.
01:07:13Hell, that's all.
01:07:43Oh, my God.
01:08:13Oh, my God.
01:08:43Oh, Pando.
01:08:58For white boy, he did all right.
01:09:13Fonda?
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