00:00when i married daniel i thought i knew him he was steady in a way that quieted my wild edges patient gentle the kind of man whose laugh lived in his chest instead of his mouth he didn't talk much about his childhood
00:14at first i thought that was healthy everyone has corners of their life they don't want to shine a light on but i should have paid attention to the way his hands tightened when certain songs came on the radio or how his eyes flicked away when anyone mentioned the seaside towns he'd once left behind
00:31little things i told myself people have small private storms the first knock came on an ordinary evening dinner was cooling on the table the dishwasher humming its familiar white noise and then three sharp taps at the front door that made the dog skitter daniel stiffened like someone had pressed a cold palm to his back
00:53i opened the door to a man whose face looked carved by weather and regret older than daniel eyes steady and knowing hello danny he said the way the name rolled off his tongue changed the air in the hallway
01:07i felt it in my teeth daniel shut the door so hard the glass rattled when i asked who he was he said it was nothing a drunk asking directions a scammer the lie was thin enough to see through
01:21but thick enough to tell myself it was better not to pry that night he hardly slept he drifted in and out on the edge of our bed as if listening for footsteps on the walk in the morning he was chirpy and normal making coffee like the night had been ordinary but the ordinary didn't fit him anymore there was a tension an old thing trying to unspull
01:45i found the box by accident or maybe i always knew where it was and simply didn't give in to the curiosity until then it was shoved in the back of the closet behind winter blankets a plain shoebox taped shut the tape peeled off with a little too much resistance inside were yellowing clippings and photocopped articles headlines about teenagers found at the edges of old towns stories about investigations that stalled fragments of police reports
02:13the same region the same region the same vague accusations of misfortune in the margins of some clippings a younger daniel leaned against a lamp post or smiled at a camera his jaw softer his eyes younger he was mentioned in nearly every piece not as an accused usually but as a friend a witness someone who had been there the night things went wrong
02:37my hands shook my hands shook as i carried the box into the kitchen he was standing by the window one cup of coffee in his hand the light cutting his face into planes i set the papers down what is this i asked he swallowed and for a long time said nothing the confession came like a small bone they weren't accidents he whispered they weren't meant to be
03:03he said it in a voice that did not ask for forgiveness it simply stated an ugly fact from then on i watched him differently i watched how he flinched at the sound of a slammed door how he watched the street from the porch even in daylight how he avoided certain names friends started asking if we were okay co-workers mentioned he looked tired distracted he took long drives on sundays and came back with coffee stains and stories that seemed to lose words at the edges
03:33he grew more restless as if the quiet were trying to pull something out from him and there were the knocks the first was a memory that loosened like a bruise the second time when the three measured raps came again daniel's face changed in a way that made my stomach hollow he said do not open it he spoke that way you used to stop a child from reaching for a ledge his voice was urgent the syllables clipped i wanted to obey him for a moment i believed his fear was
04:03protection that he was guarding me from someone outside but the sound of his fear had a different timbre it was tired like someone who has learned how to live with monsters curiosity is a subtle animal it eats at you quietly until one morning there's nothing left between it and action i started cataloging the times he left the house the names he flinched at the weeks when he wouldn't answer his phone
04:33the times he left my own life taking notes taking notes in the dark once i found a photograph crammed between cookbook pages a summer scene grainy film kids with two bright smiles on the back someone had written in ink do not forget daniel's handwriting i held that slip of paper like evidence and felt a sickness like cold rain run through me we tried to keep the house ordinary we went to dinner with friends laughed at a bad movie paid bills
05:03we were strung in the past whatever it was threaded through everything a name at a party would make him go quiet a song on the radio would make him stare at nothing he started leaving the windows slightly ajar as if listening for something to come in once i woke to find him in the garage his palms on the hood of his car eyes closed like an old prayer when i asked he said simply
05:33but we have lives jobs jobs a mortgage a dog who howls in strange keys and people do not always run even when they smell smoke then one late tuesday the knocks came again the dog didn't bark the hallway light hummed the first two were polite clean taps between the second and third i watched daniel and saw something younger and angrier flicker across his face a memory that wasn't softened by age he said very softly please don't
06:03i reached for the knob with hands that felt borrowed part of me wanted to freeze to fold into the bed and pretend i had not heard but i had already opened doors inside myself when i picked at the box when i read the clippings there was no closing them now the latch felt heavy under my hand every instinct screamed to stop but something colder than curiosity pushed me i opened the door just a crack and the smell of wet earth and old regret
06:33rolled out rolled out like a tide and i realized then nothing would stay buried any longer not again please the door cracked open just enough for the night air to crawl in daniel lunged forward and slammed it shut his palm pressed hard against the wood like he was holding back a flood his chest heaved his eyes darted to mine wild pleading did you see them he whispered
06:58no i said my voice shaking who was it his silence was worse than any answer he locked the door bolted it then dragged a chair across the floor and wedged it under the knob like we were in a motel hiding from someone armed i stared at him this was my husband the man who once argued about the right way to toast bread now barricading us against something invisible
07:23daniel you have to tell me the truth i said my throat dry what did you mean when you said they weren't accidents who's out there he sat heavily on the chair elbows on his knees head bowed for a moment i thought he wouldn't answer at all
07:39but then slowly his voice came out flat and tired when i was a kid i wasn't alone i had friends too many friends he laughed bitterly
07:51we did everything together we drank we fought we dared each other into stupid stunts but the dares they weren't just stupid they were cruel and every time someone paid the price my blood chilled what do you mean paid the price
08:08he rubbed his temples first it was mark we dared him to go into the old quarry at night he never came out the cops said he fell an accident then katie we told her to spend the night in the woods just a joke we thought
08:25they found her by the creek her neck twisted another accident one by one they kept dying and i-he swallowed i was always there always part of it the room seemed to shrink around me you're saying you killed them
08:41his head snapped up no i didn't touch them none of u s did but the dares they wanted the dares they my voice was barely a whisper the things that come when you invite them
08:54his eyes were hollow we thought it was just fun just a game but they listened they followed and once you let them in they never leave they make you play again and again and if you don't he looked at the door trembling
09:10they take what they're owed i felt sick it was absurd impossible yet something in his tone the utter conviction the terror i'd never seen in him made me believe the knocks came again louder this time not three neat taps but a pounding that rattled the glass the dog whimpered and crawled under the couch my stomach lurched
09:34they won't stop daniel whispered they know i'm here they know i tried to run run where i asked he gestured vaguely toward the box of clippings every time someone died i left changed towns changed names i thought maybe if i started over they wouldn't find me but they always do
09:56you and now you and now you his voice broke now you're caught up too the pounding stopped the silence after was worse i crept toward the window and peered through the curtains at first i saw nothing just the empty street slick with rain street lamps humming
10:14and then movement figures not one man not two but a cluster of shadows standing at the edge of the yard too tall too still their faces indistinct in the dark my chest tightened they're waiting daniel said
10:32they always wait until you agree to play i stumbled back from the window play what the game his voice was raw a dare for a dare they never stopped playing and they don't care if it's me anymore they'll take you if i don't give them something my knees nearly buckled
10:52i thought of the headlines the smiling faces in those clippings the way their names had faded but not disappeared the weight of it pressed on me i wasn't just hearing a story i was inside it
11:05what do we do i asked my voice breaking daniel's hands shook we can refuse we can fight but if we do they'll keep coming they'll wear us down until we slip and then he didn't finish he didn't need to
11:21the shadows outside the shadows outside didn't move they didn't breathe they only waited the hours crawled i sat beside daniel our backs against the door the house silent except for the hum of the fridge i wanted to sleep to close my eyes but fear anchored me every creak of the house made me flinch every brush of wind made me expect the door to burst open
11:47some time past midnight the whispering started faint childlike voices curling through the cracks in the window frames i couldn't make out the words at first but then dare you dare you dare you dare you
12:00the voices rose in unison a haunting chant my skin prickled daniel pressed his palms over his ears and rocked back and forth don't listen he hissed that's how they get in
12:13but the whispers weren't just outside they were inside too slithering into my head coiling around my thoughts images flashed unbidden the woods the creek the quarry places i'd never been yet now remembered in vivid detail as if they'd been mine once
12:31i clutched daniel's arm how do we stop them his eyes were bloodshot his face ashen you don't stop them you survive them the whispering grew louder swelling into a chorus of laughter and screams the shadows outside leaned closer their forms stretching unnaturally long across the yard and then suddenly silence we held our breath
13:01and i thought maybe i thought maybe they were gone then the final knock came deafening shaking the whole house not three taps this time but one enormous blow that cracked the wood daniel's voice was hoarse they've chosen and in that moment i understood whatever game was beginning it wasn't just daniel's anymore it was mine too
13:23so
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