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Crowd Control (2025) Season 1 Episode 1
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00:00Welcome to Crowd Control, the improvised stand-up show where the audience is the material.
00:08On tonight's lineup, from RuPaul's Drag Race and The Traitor's, Bob the Drag Queen.
00:15Her new special, Spiraling, is out now on Amazon and Apple TV+.
00:20It's Leah Rudick.
00:22And from Dimension 20 and Worlds Beyond Number, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
00:26And here's your host, Jacquees Neal.
00:36Welcome to Crowd Control.
00:39Tonight, I have three of my favorite comedians who are here to turn your lives into stand-up comedy.
00:47And they're going to do so by doing some good old-fashioned crowd work.
00:50Which means that if the show is a disaster, they are going to blame all of you.
00:54But at the end of tonight's show, you all will be choosing the winner.
01:00Oh, that's right.
01:01It's like voting.
01:02The power's in your hand.
01:05We can do better than we did the last one.
01:08And you are going to choose that winner, one of these three fantastic comedians.
01:13Let's talk to them right now.
01:14What's up, y'all?
01:15How y'all doing tonight?
01:16Looking good.
01:19Bob, you're one of the best performers on the planet.
01:22Also, one of the best drag queens on the planet.
01:27When it's right, it's right, honey.
01:29What is the difference between doing crowd work at a drag show and doing crowd work at a stand-up comedy show?
01:35Well, how many of you have ever been to a gay bar before?
01:37This is L.A.
01:42Well, the drinks are poured a lot heavier at a gay bar.
01:46And also, I will say, too, every gay guy watching you thinks he's funnier than you, better than you, and can wear your dress more fiercely than you can.
01:54You've got to work hard for those laughs.
01:55Meanwhile, nobody here thinks we can wear what you got on.
01:58No, thank you.
01:59You know what I'm saying?
02:00What's up, Leah?
02:01How you doing tonight?
02:02I'm so good.
02:03I'm so happy to be here.
02:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:06Stop that.
02:08Well, I've got to know, do you still get nervous before you do crowd work?
02:11I feel like I get more nervous talking to people in real life.
02:14So this is bad.
02:15This is my nightmare.
02:17But I'm excited for this.
02:20Brennan Lee Mulligan.
02:23You're an OG in the improv world, in the sketch world, in the tabletop world.
02:29So as a seasoned stand-up comedian...
02:31I want to be clear.
02:32I didn't ask me to be here, okay?
02:34I'm excited to have you, my man.
02:37Excited to have all three of you.
02:38Good luck.
02:38Have fun tonight.
02:39That's our comedians!
02:42We met them.
02:45I think it's time for them to meet you all.
02:48Here's what's going to happen.
02:49I'm going to bring a comic up here one by one, and they're going to do their best to make you laugh.
02:54And in each round that we play today, they're going to do that until I give them the red light.
03:00Bam!
03:01I'm colorblind, so that means nothing to me.
03:04And I think it's no better time to start but right now.
03:06So please, welcome to the stage, Bob the Drag Queen!
03:17Well, I have to ask about this hat.
03:20What's your name?
03:21Zandiloquence Bazaar.
03:22No.
03:23No.
03:25Where are you from?
03:26I'm from Chicago area.
03:27I love having an exciting name like Zandiloquence, but like, where are you from?
03:30It's like, Des Moines.
03:32So can you tell me about this hat?
03:34Yeah, it's green.
03:35Because I'm colorblind, wow!
03:40The ableism is crazy!
03:44I don't see color.
03:46Who made this hat?
03:47Do you know who made it?
03:47I made it, yeah.
03:48You made it.
03:49So are you, is it a haberdasher?
03:50A milliner.
03:51A milliner, all right.
03:54That's what it's called!
03:56So do you make hats like, is this your first one you made, or?
03:58I've made a lot of hats like this, but this material is the first.
04:02What is it made of?
04:03It's made out of cucumber.
04:05The whole hat is made of cucumbers?
04:08Yeah, it's made entirely out of dried cucumber.
04:11Can I smell this hat, please?
04:15I'm holding a salad.
04:20There is, there is tinfoil.
04:25This is definitely a hat a conspiracy theorist would wear.
04:30You know what I got with them?
04:31I'm still my great hat ideas.
04:32I got a playtane hat coming up.
04:36I don't want them to take it.
04:39All right, let me, let me hand that back to you.
04:42What's your name?
04:43Zach.
04:43What do you do for a living?
04:44I am a data analyst.
04:46I feel like we picked the most person with the most exciting thing next to the person who was the most boring possible.
04:52My name is Quintilius Zachary, Zachary Booncow.
04:56My name is Zach, and I'm a data analyst.
04:59Like, what do you have hobbies, though, yeah?
05:01I crochet, I play the piano.
05:03Are you one of those, like, I see a piano and I just start playing it?
05:06Yeah.
05:07Because a piano is one of the only instruments you can really do.
05:09You can't pick up someone's flute, you know what I mean?
05:12And just put your mouth all over it.
05:14It is socially acceptable to see a piano and just slide your fingers across it, you know what I mean?
05:20What would you say on a scale of one to ten?
05:22Ten being, like, Johann Sebastian Bach and zero being, like, a Looney Tune.
05:27I guess, like, an eight?
05:29Bring out the piano!
05:32That's it for Bob the Track, please!
05:36I can honestly say that's the first time anybody's ever smelled a hat on stage.
05:41We're breaking ground here at Crowd Control.
05:44Please welcome to the stage, Leah Rudick, everybody!
05:49Oh, my goodness, what fun this is.
05:53Why is there just one weird fucking hat guy?
05:56Where are the other weird hats?
05:58I feel like I want to talk to the most normal-looking person in the room because I feel like you're going to be the biggest freak.
06:04You, sir.
06:07Do you know this guy?
06:08Did you just meet?
06:09We're together.
06:10You're here together.
06:10Are you a couple?
06:11Yes.
06:12Mm.
06:13Mm.
06:14Found them.
06:16What are your names?
06:18Chris.
06:19Chris.
06:19I'm Christian.
06:20Did you meet on a Christian dating site?
06:24Quite the opposite.
06:25Quite the opposite.
06:26A Satan dating site.
06:30What was the site?
06:31Uh, Growler.
06:32Growler.
06:33I think I know what that is.
06:35It's exactly what you think it is.
06:38Help me out here.
06:39Christian just gave an across-the-room look to Bob.
06:43We all, I think we all did.
06:45So, Growler is, um, what?
06:48Now tell us what you think it is, Leah.
06:53Well, I know a Growler is a jug for beer.
06:57It's a sort of a receptacle of sorts.
07:02Would you say this is a site full of receptacles?
07:05Absolutely.
07:06Absolutely.
07:06Absolutely.
07:07Yeah?
07:08Who sent the first line to whom?
07:11I think it was me.
07:12Yeah.
07:13You were like, your name is like mine, but missing three letters.
07:17That's what I would do if I was trying to pick up someone.
07:20Leave me alone.
07:23Leave me alone.
07:25I think it kind of, it started as a hookup.
07:28Ooh.
07:30Oh, you, we live different lives.
07:33So you invited him over to your place, or did you do it in like a bathroom, or?
07:39I invited him over.
07:41And did you have drinks?
07:42No.
07:42No Growlers.
07:45Did you just get to it?
07:46Did you kiss a little bit?
07:47Did you do tongue stuff?
07:52You did?
07:53Do you do tongue stuff, sir?
07:56Yes.
07:57You guys are a bunch of perverts.
07:59I love it.
08:00What's your name?
08:01Andrew.
08:02You've got a little, a cute little wallet there.
08:04What's in that?
08:04Just a little bag.
08:06It's cute.
08:07Yeah.
08:07It's full of tissues.
08:09Oh, it's a bag in a bag.
08:11Yeah.
08:11I'm going to go back to talking to Christian.
08:14That's it for Liam.
08:15Broding, everybody.
08:17Please, put your hands together for Brynn and Lee Mulligan!
08:27How we doing?
08:29Your name is Sheer.
08:31We have a pre-existing relationship.
08:33The integrity of the audience is contaminated.
08:36Sheer, how you doing?
08:37I'm doing good.
08:38How are you?
08:38Sheer was a former improv student of mine.
08:41Nepo, baby.
08:44Sheer, how you doing?
08:45How have you been?
08:45Pretty good.
08:46There have been some rough years in the middle, I think, for everyone.
08:49What specifically?
08:51What were you doing during those years for work?
08:54Like, medical stuff.
08:57Is it secret?
08:58Or?
08:59It's kind of like an escape room.
09:02Now, you've said something insane, Sheer.
09:04You work in a medical escape room?
09:06That's a nightmare.
09:06I mean, you could be referring to the American healthcare system, which is sort of like a medical escape room.
09:13Hi, what's your name?
09:15Myesha.
09:15I noticed you clapping quite socialistically over in the corner.
09:18I'm trying to think of a sort of more clever way, but is there something crazy about you that would be, is there something absolutely wild about you that would be cool to know?
09:28I'm a tour guide at Universal Studios.
09:31What's the spot on the tour that, like, gets people the most hype?
09:34What's the area that you're, like, the most into?
09:35Hill Valley, Back to the Future.
09:36Do they see the spot where a guy almost fucks his mom, or does that take me straight to the part where he almost fucks his mom?
09:43I don't need to see the DeLorean, just right to the mom fucking.
09:48We were told backstage to kind of move through the crowd to, like, cover as many people as possible.
09:54I am going to left curve on that and go back to Zandiloquence.
10:00So your name is Zandiloquence Bazaar.
10:02Oh, yeah, it's a pseudonym.
10:03I assumed.
10:06For the making of the cucumber hats, I thought that I needed a name.
10:09You need it to protect your real identity?
10:11If people know I'm making these sick hats, they'll hurt my family.
10:16Is that your profession?
10:18Yeah, a little bit.
10:19What's the main hustle?
10:20I edit videos.
10:21That's probably, like, 99% of the hustle.
10:24I'm not your accountant, but if I'm looking at the pie chart, I feel like cucumber hat.
10:28Very skinny slice.
10:29Brendan, I feel like you should smell this hat, too.
10:31Brendan got to smell this hat.
10:38Completely odorless.
10:40And that's it for Brendan Lievon again, everybody.
10:46You know, a wise man once told me, it's getting hot in here.
10:50So.
10:51It can't fall on your clothes.
10:53Audience, please remove your top layer.
10:57Comics, what you are about to see are folks in front of you who are here for a fascinating
11:02reason.
11:03And that reason is written right on their shirts.
11:05Your job is simple.
11:07Pick a shirt.
11:08Make us laugh.
11:09And I feel like there's no better person to do that than Brennan Lee Mulligan.
11:19Immediately drawn to nothing but an elf thang.
11:23I see prosthetic woodland ears, and I know I am with my people.
11:27What's your name?
11:29Zakiya.
11:30Zakiya.
11:30In what ways do you embrace elvendom in your life?
11:34I'm really attached to the elvish language.
11:36Ooh.
11:37Quenya or Sindarin?
11:38Sindarin.
11:39Sindarin.
11:39Beautiful.
11:40I've alienated everyone.
11:42This show is about me and Zakiya now.
11:44You can all, frankly, go home.
11:47Sindarin and Quenya are two of the elven languages depicted in the Silmarillion by Tolkien.
11:51Fucking read a book, okay?
11:57What drew you to that?
11:57So I had a Lark character that needed to learn some phrases, and then the PDF was opened.
12:03You had an elven character, and you were like, I'm going to open up a doc just to get some
12:06phrases, and then you're like, oh, Morgoth who is Melkor.
12:10Tell me more.
12:12I just saw the actual Lord of the Rings this year.
12:15Sorry, Zakiya, you learned elven before you read Lord of the Rings?
12:18Absolutely astounding.
12:22I see a shirt over here that says, uh, wardrobe.
12:27I have a large enough kink collection that it required an entire wardrobe, so it's called
12:33a wardrobe.
12:34It may seem like a segue to move from a LARPer to a kinkster.
12:37I'm going to tell you this right now.
12:39When you go to the Ren Faire and you see someone in period clothing, they own anywhere from
12:4510 to 40 dildos.
12:46What is that overlap?
12:48I feel like dragons are neat, and like, you know.
12:52How did your kink closet come together?
12:56Just over the years collecting stuff, but unfortunately she died in a move, so now it's just all in
13:01my couch.
13:02What do you mean in your couch?
13:03I come over to your house and I'm like, oh, it's so great to see you.
13:08Something's wrong with the sofa.
13:10I'm going to go ahead and actually move back to Chris and Christian over here.
13:13What separates Growler from Grindr?
13:16Growler is for bigger, hairier men.
13:19Bears.
13:20So you're saying there's a company with a new staff of people and a new chief executive
13:25suite being like, our business model is totally different.
13:29Our guys are hairy.
13:30So in other words, that couldn't be a toggled-on setting on Grindr.
13:36That has to be its whole separate own service.
13:39It is a toggle setting on Grindr, and not a lot of people use it.
13:42Shame on you, Brennan.
13:44Me?
13:45Shame on you.
13:46What pull do I have at Grindr to make decisions happen?
13:49That's it for Brennan Lee Mulligan, everybody.
13:51Let's keep the energy up for Bob the Drag Queen!
14:02I'm afraid, and you know I'm talking to you, but there's someone even scarier standing behind
14:09you, and your shirt says, failed assassin.
14:12I almost accidentally hit Tucker Carlson with my car.
14:15The Fox News guy?
14:19Hold on, Bob.
14:25So this is...
14:29I must ask, what is your name?
14:32My name is Regan.
14:32Regan was like, I almost accidentally hit him, and then put the car in reverse, and then
14:37put it in drive, and then parked on top of him, and then got out of the car, and then
14:41slammed his head in the door five times.
14:43And then he ran into my knife.
14:44He ran into my knife.
14:46Nine times.
14:47If you said that, you're gay.
14:51Now, I know what a May December is.
14:53May December is when you're in a relationship with someone older than you.
14:55And to be fair, even if you didn't have the shirts on, I could...
14:58So how old are you?
14:5929.
15:00Thank God.
15:01And how old are you, December?
15:02Guess.
15:04Honestly?
15:05Okay, I'm happy to guess.
15:06What's your favorite Madonna song?
15:08I can't even think of one.
15:09You can't even think of one?
15:10Really old.
15:11The brain...
15:12The brain is cooked.
15:14What's the first record you ever bought, like, with your own money?
15:17Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees.
15:19Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees.
15:22He was like, my first album I ever purchased was a Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin.
15:27That was a real suck-hoppin' number back then.
15:34So I'm gonna say you're probably, uh, 62.
15:3761.
15:38Very good.
15:38What?
15:39So you have a daddy thing.
15:47I do have a daddy.
15:48Are you intimidated by that big baby sittin' over there in the corner?
15:52I don't know.
15:53Are you gay, big baby?
15:55Bi.
15:55Everyone's bi today.
15:56There's no one...
15:57No, there's no...
15:57There's no straight people left in Hollywood.
15:59We got rid of them.
15:59Well, she tried to run one over last time she saw one.
16:02She was like, how dare you be straight?
16:06How long have you been together?
16:08It was five years this year.
16:09Oh, my God.
16:12So people probably think, like, you're all together for the money, honey.
16:16Do people say that a lot?
16:17Once, uh, at Disney Springs over in Orlando, I had bought my own things.
16:23I had bags of Legos.
16:24Nothing says I'm the adult.
16:26Like, I bought my own Legos.
16:28I'll have you know, Daddy didn't buy these Legos.
16:35Now, okay, DM.
16:37Direct messages?
16:38No.
16:38Dungeon Master?
16:40Close.
16:40Oh!
16:42It stands for Dungeon Monitor.
16:44I know what that is.
16:45So you're a kinkster?
16:46Mm-hmm.
16:47Do you engage in kink or do you just watch the kink?
16:49Yep, yep, that's kinky.
16:51All of the above.
16:52What kink are you into?
16:53Um, I do a lot of various kinds of edge play.
16:56You gay, bro?
16:58So you like to be edge, you like to edge?
17:00Yes.
17:02Can you have him tell us what edge is?
17:04Oh, my God, I forgot we have Leah here who doesn't know what edging is.
17:07She's like, and that's when you walk on the very edge with your growler.
17:11It sounds dangerous, don't do that.
17:14So edging is when you get someone really, really, really close to the coming and you're like,
17:17psych.
17:18Edge play specifically refers to more extreme kinks, so things that fall under, like, blood
17:25or knife play.
17:28For edge play, you have to negotiate and be very clear.
17:31So you're an administrator at the dungeon?
17:33Yes.
17:34I know everyone's like, whatever you do, that's the craziest thing you've seen.
17:37But I want to hear about you back at the office trying to get this fiscal year closed up.
17:42You know what I mean?
17:42I want to see you close the dungeon, walk into just a room with just cinder blocks.
17:46One time you're like, man, these numbers are not adding up.
17:49That's Bob!
17:51Yay!
17:51I also love Bob's face.
17:54Once you explain edge play, you're like, damn, that's not what I was thinking.
17:58You also made Leah blush.
18:01You almost made me faint.
18:03You almost made me faint.
18:05So before she faints, let's get her on stage.
18:07Welcome back to the stage, Leah Rooney.
18:13Oh my God.
18:15I love that this room is just full of kinky LARPers.
18:18Wait, okay, we have to address big baby right in the middle here.
18:23Do you do adult baby stuff?
18:26No.
18:27Oh, okay.
18:28Why would you say that?
18:31Leah!
18:32Can you just define what adult baby stuff is?
18:35I think it's edging.
18:37I don't know.
18:40What's your name?
18:41Rory.
18:42Rory, tell me about being a big baby.
18:44Well, I broke the record for the biggest baby ever born at my hospital.
18:48Wow.
18:49What were you coming in at?
18:5011 pounds, 7 ounces.
18:52Have you met any other world champions?
18:57Give it up for Rory.
18:59Oh, where to even go?
19:04Mannequin criminal.
19:05Specifically mannequin hands.
19:07You guys are wild.
19:08What?
19:08This is like...
19:10And baby arms.
19:12Watch out, big baby.
19:12I don't know.
19:15We just thought it would be really funny to take a bunch of mannequin hands.
19:18Did you get arrested?
19:19Yeah.
19:19Really?
19:20Yeah.
19:20How long were you in for?
19:23I didn't go to jail.
19:24I got 90 hours community service.
19:26What did you do?
19:26Fix mannequins?
19:29Horse lover?
19:29I like them.
19:31Oh, cool.
19:31That's...
19:32I was on a walk at a ranch with my work crush, and we saw a horse.
19:39And I accidentally gave the horse an erection.
19:42What were you wearing?
19:46That's Leah Rudick, everybody.
19:49I think it's time for us to call our mom's favorite yacht rocker, because our comics are
19:54about to enter into the danger zone.
19:58Will the remaining members of our audience please remove your top layer?
20:04Comics, what you are seeing in front of you are our red flags.
20:08These are people in our crowd who have more challenging or more dangerous subjects to touch
20:15on their shirts.
20:17Are you guys ready to get this round started?
20:21Then please, welcome back to the stage, Brennan Lee Mulligan!
20:32I've had my eye on you the entire show.
20:36And you opened your shirt, and it says, top secret.
20:41And baby, if you don't think that I am going to dedicate the rest of this episode...
20:46I know my people.
20:48I know there's a lot of people that have chain mail, and they're putting knives in their
20:52butts, and they're running around, doing crazy sex fantasy shit, speaking cinder in and
20:57fucking each other.
20:58I looked at you, and I said, this guy's got something.
21:01What's your name, man?
21:02I'm Brian.
21:02It's too normal.
21:04Way too fucking normal.
21:06It doesn't feel safe here.
21:07It does not feel safe.
21:09What about your life is top secret?
21:12Well, I'm actually under an NDA, so I can't really say.
21:15For those that don't know, what is an NDA?
21:17Well, an NDA is a non-disclosure agreement, so basically, if you say certain things, that
21:21could get you fired.
21:22So this is a dead end, and I've ruined the show.
21:27What's your name, my friend?
21:28Erin.
21:28Why are you dad's accomplice?
21:31My family was strung into a line of bank robberies, because they were blackmailed.
21:37Sorry.
21:39So literally, your dad was like, I don't want to rob a bank.
21:43My hands are tied.
21:45Yes.
21:46The blackmail that they had on you, was it of a lascivious or embarrassing nature?
21:50He owned a construction company, and he would hire ex-cons and whatnot.
21:54Delightful and anti-carceral.
21:55I'm going to tell the whole world that you believe in the power of redemption.
22:03That was sufficient to blackmail your family into robbing banks?
22:06No, he was surprised when one of them, like, wanted to rob a bank.
22:09He got to ask what he went to jail for.
22:11So one of your dad's employees was like, thank you so much for this construction job.
22:16I notice I'm not making that much money.
22:19When was your dad like, all right, we got to rob the bank?
22:21He was like, hey, we want to rob a bank.
22:23Do you want to help us?
22:24And my dad said, no.
22:25And they said, well, now you know that we're going to do it.
22:28Hold on.
22:30So this guy said, I'm just going to lie and tell people you helped even when you didn't?
22:33Yes.
22:33I have bad news.
22:36Your dad kind of wanted to rob a bank.
22:39You don't understand.
22:40He was going to say I helped.
22:42Would he have proof?
22:44Not really.
22:46But he might have said it.
22:48You know how courts love to believe ex-cons.
22:53Since you have a famous family member, is it going to be like a cool, chill famous?
22:57Because you made a sad face.
22:58I wish it was cool and chill.
23:00Who's your famous family member?
23:01Tucker Carlson.
23:03No, it's a famous serial killer.
23:09I suspect it.
23:10I suspect that's tough.
23:11I mean, we know them all.
23:12Which one?
23:13Guess.
23:13You want me to say which serial killer I think you look like?
23:17I'll just take a wild stat if we're in L.A. and I'll say Charles Manson.
23:20No.
23:21Ted Bundy?
23:21No.
23:21Jeffrey Dahmer?
23:22No.
23:22Ed Gein?
23:22No.
23:23Are you guys getting sad that I know so many serial killers?
23:26Who was it?
23:27Robert Durst.
23:28Robert Durst!
23:30How many people did old Robbie?
23:32The minimum to be a serial killer is three, and he killed three people.
23:37We got to bump those numbers up.
23:39I don't think three.
23:40I think we got to go like, God, does this suck?
23:43Seven.
23:43I think it's seven.
23:44Regan almost killed one person by accident.
23:46Like, that's 33% of the weight of a serial killer.
23:50That's fucking crazy.
23:52I want to leave some red shirts for my pals, too.
23:54I just want to say, Sheer, it says Crisis Actor on your shirt.
23:58I read that from the seat over there, and my first honest response was, one of my students
24:02is getting work.
24:03Let's go.
24:05It's been a Lee Mulligan, everybody.
24:07Please welcome Lee Mulligan to the stage.
24:16Oh, boy.
24:17It's time for the red zone.
24:21Dangerous hot chocolate.
24:22Yummy.
24:23What's your name, sir?
24:25My name's Jack.
24:26What's scary about hot chocolate?
24:28Uh, I accidentally circumcised myself with a hot chocolate.
24:33Wait, I thought these were supposed to be, like, sad and dark.
24:36That's hilarious.
24:39What the fuck are you talking about?
24:41Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.
24:44DM, what do you think?
24:46Yeah, I know.
24:47It was not consensual.
24:49Between your dick and your hand.
24:51Yeah.
24:52That's not consensual.
24:53How old were you?
24:54I was, unfortunately, like, kind of young.
24:56Give me a number.
24:57You were almost 13.
24:5813.
24:58That's a fully grown child.
25:00Yeah.
25:01A fully grown child is crazy.
25:06I'd been ice fishing with a friend.
25:08I stopped for hot chocolate after, like, in the car.
25:10Was, like, a Dunkin' or what?
25:12Am I allowed to say?
25:13I don't know.
25:16Please, Jack.
25:17Tim Hortons.
25:17Canadian.
25:18Oh.
25:19Very hot?
25:21Yeah, too hot, honestly.
25:22It burned your dick off!
25:25Yeah, man, that's too hot!
25:26Okay, please, go on.
25:28We hit a bump on the way out, and I kind of jumbled the cup.
25:31It went...
25:31Were your pants down?
25:32What?
25:34It went through my snow pants, through my pajamas, and left a second-degree burn and took
25:40a little off the top.
25:41No!
25:42Can you show us the scream that you screamed?
25:45I could try.
25:46You can stand up if you want.
25:47This is a theater exercise now.
25:49Trying to put myself there.
25:50Get your, get your cup, get your cup.
25:53Pour it into your pajamas.
25:57Pull over!
26:04Thank you, thank you so much.
26:05Okay, distant incest.
26:08Getting genetic counseling with my dad recently.
26:10The geneticist, uh, asked...
26:12Any relatives you fuck?
26:14And my dad said, uh, well, your great-grandparents were a brother and sister.
26:20Oh, shit.
26:23And I didn't ask for permission to say that on our show.
26:29Great-grandparents?
26:30Yes.
26:31Were they hot?
26:35I'm done with that.
26:36Brian, Vegas.
26:41Yeah.
26:41Card shark?
26:42No.
26:43Dancer?
26:46Fuck you, Brian.
26:48I'm gonna...
26:49That's Leah Rudick, everybody!
26:52Let's give it up for Bob the Drag Queen!
26:59I'm so sorry to do this, Jack.
27:01Can you describe what your dick looks like right now?
27:03Um, no, yeah, it's gotten mixed reviews.
27:08Has there ever been a register we haven't gotten to yet?
27:10I was looking at you.
27:11Are you related?
27:12No, not at all.
27:13Just our stories line up.
27:15Uh, because as a child, I was dead for the first five minutes of my life.
27:18You were dead for five minutes?
27:20Yeah, so I was originally due out April 4th.
27:23Uh, February 16th was my mom's C-section surgery.
27:26So you were really early?
27:27Almost two months.
27:28You can't show up at someone's house unannounced.
27:30You really...
27:31You're both C-section babies.
27:33Mm-hmm.
27:33Are you gay or bi or straight or...?
27:35Bi.
27:35The bi table.
27:37Gay guys have this little phrase that they use.
27:39It's called, um, a gold star gay.
27:41And a gold star gay means you have never, ever been with a woman, ever.
27:47And then a platinum gay means you've never been with a woman and you were born by C-section.
27:54And gay guys are like, I've never, ha, ha, ha!
27:56They're so proud of it.
27:57But a C-section is a really intense operation.
28:00Has anyone here ever had a C-section?
28:02Anyone here?
28:03No C-sections here?
28:03Are there any parents here at all?
28:06That's how I'm gonna get you.
28:08That's how I'm gonna get you.
28:10That's how I'm gonna get you.
28:11Now I know.
28:11All right.
28:12So, I'm gonna give you a quick description of what a C-section is, okay?
28:15First of all, you're awake during a C-section.
28:17They cut you open from hip to hip to open you up, right?
28:21And then they pull your abs apart like beef jerky.
28:24And then they take your kidneys, clamp it to your vagina, open up the placenta, and then pull this little baby out.
28:32And then, after that, 30 years later, some fucking gay boy walks around and goes, I never touched a pussy, ha, ha, ha!
28:40Give it up, Obama!
28:42They are doing fantastic.
28:50But this is a competition, which means we are coming to the time of the show where we will be choosing the winner.
28:57However, we've been making it look too easy, so I want to ratchet it up a little bit.
29:03And I want to play a little game that I like to call Torture the Comic.
29:09I'm gonna bring each and every one of you on stage one at a time.
29:12And I'm gonna give you something that is gonna make your set infinitely harder specifically for you.
29:19And like any good Torture at a stand-up show, I'm gonna do so from right in the audience.
29:24Right there.
29:26Like a plain old heckler.
29:29Everybody is on the table.
29:31But I think the person to get us started, Bob the Dragway, get all up here!
29:35All right, Bob, I want you to do this set to me and my friends here in the audience like you're in a library.
29:47You have to be low, monotone, inside voice, and you cannot use your hands at all.
29:55That is your Torture.
29:57Take it away, Bob!
29:59I've taken a lot of shots at your dick, and I want you to know that I feel bad about that.
30:03And if you would like to ask me a question about my penis.
30:08My partner actually designs sweaters for penises.
30:12Hasn't your penis been warm enough?
30:19I'm sorry.
30:20I can't help myself.
30:24I guess my question would be, if your penis could have a sweater, what would you like?
30:29What's like the longest sweater?
30:33Thank you for asking that question.
30:46That's a very good question.
30:53Now, tell me about the fake Pounding Father.
30:56I portrayed Button Gwinnett.
30:58Are you going to say Button Gwinnett like we just all know that?
31:03Like, you said it as a matter of fact.
31:05Can I ask you a question that you don't have to answer, and it seems a little, what is your ethnicity?
31:11I'm Hispanic.
31:12Was Button Gwinnett Hispanic?
31:14He was a very white man.
31:16Was Button rapping?
31:17I did perform Button Gwinnett for a rapper.
31:21Do you want to guess?
31:22I really wanted to be Kendrick Lamar.
31:24I love the idea of Kendrick Lamar watching you do the icon, Button Gwinnett.
31:30It was Will Smith.
31:32You said rapper.
31:35That's it for Bob the Track Week, everybody.
31:39Who knew being quiet was so hard?
31:41You know who I want to torture next.
31:44Give it up for Leah Rudin!
31:51Just kidding.
31:53Leah, you're such a nice person.
31:56Oh my God, thank you.
31:56I want you to do this set as if you were just publicly canceled.
32:05Give it up for Leah, everybody!
32:10Hey guys.
32:11I'm figuring out my character, Brennan.
32:20Relax.
32:22I like to do a lot of jokes about my, uh...
32:27private parts.
32:30But that got me into some trouble.
32:33Hello.
32:35What are your names?
32:37I'm Luke.
32:38I'm Javi.
32:39Javi?
32:40What's that from?
32:43Um...
32:43Am I not allowed to say that?
32:48Sorry!
32:56It's just short for Javiera.
32:58What's the...
33:00Uno do?
33:00We met playing Uno online?
33:03Boo!
33:06Sorry, sorry, sorry.
33:08Cool.
33:11I'm doing good.
33:14I'm divorced.
33:16What'd you get divorced for?
33:17I threw hot chocolate all over my husband's dick.
33:19Wait, why, what, why are you booing me for that, though?
33:28Actually, that's the most inoffensive thing I've said so much.
33:33What's your shirt say, Andrew?
33:35200 words per minute.
33:37That's how fast you type?
33:38Yes.
33:39Nice!
33:40How do you feel about that?
33:51Oh, it was very exciting.
33:53That's my kind of boy!
33:56Give it up for Leah Ruddick, everybody!
33:58Yay!
34:00And keep it going for Brennan!
34:03Yay!
34:03Yay!
34:04Yay!
34:04Yay!
34:05Yay!
34:05Yay!
34:06Yay!
34:06Yay!
34:07Yay!
34:07Yay!
34:08Brennan, you're a smart guy.
34:10You cannot use a single big word whatsoever.
34:15You can't use an historical reference.
34:18If it came from a literary anything, I don't want to hear it.
34:23And all of us here are going to decide what big words are, all right?
34:26Woo!
34:27Woo!
34:27Woo!
34:27Woo!
34:28Woo!
34:28Woo!
34:29Woo!
34:29Woo!
34:29Woo!
34:29Woo!
34:29Woo!
34:29Woo!
34:30Woo!
34:30Woo!
34:31I can't say the word on your shirt.
34:33Woo!
34:34Woo!
34:34Woo!
34:35Woo!
34:35Woo!
34:36Woo!
34:36Woo!
34:37Woo!
34:37Woo!
34:38Woo!
34:38Woo!
34:38Woo!
34:39Woo!
34:40Woo!
34:41Woo!
34:42Woo!
34:43Woo!
34:44Woo!
34:45Woo!
34:46Woo!
34:47Woo!
34:48Woo!
34:49Woo!
34:50Woo!
34:51Woo!
34:52Woo!
34:53Woo!
34:54Woo!
34:55Woo!
34:56Woo!
34:57Woo!
34:58Woo!
34:59Woo!
35:00Woo!
35:01Woo!
35:02Woo!
35:03Woo!
35:04Woo!
35:05Woo!
35:06Woo!
35:07Woo!
35:08Do show, let me do show, you do your job.
35:15Why so much sound?
35:17I work as a composer and I write music
35:19for movies, TV shows, games.
35:20Good.
35:23Too many letter on a shirt.
35:25I built a medieval tavern in my basement.
35:28Strange.
35:31Strange, too big.
35:32Me no like.
35:36For money?
35:37To play D&D with my friends.
35:39Tight.
35:42Cool guy.
35:45Your shirt say.
35:46A rocket launcher.
35:48More.
35:50I work for NASA.
35:51Sick.
35:52That is too big.
35:54Too big.
35:55Me like boom.
36:00You work come from us, not Elon Musk.
36:07Boo Elon Musk.
36:09Boo Elon Musk.
36:10Boo Elon Musk.
36:12We love spaceship from everybody.
36:17Who else not go?
36:19You.
36:20I do a lot of post-apocalyptic like theme sports.
36:23For fun, or maybe you think world not goes so good soon.
36:30How would you know that?
36:32Don't need to be that smart to see shit fucked up.
36:37Brennan, you can now use every big word you know, every literary word you know, and direct
36:46an all-tour's top secret right there.
36:53Since the beginning of time, man has wondered why.
36:58Why do we exist?
37:00What meaning do we find in a cosmos where we seem to be the only sentient life?
37:04What does this guy do for a fucking living?
37:06What does this guy do for a fucking living?
37:07That's better than we probably killed everybody!
37:08That's better than we probably killed everybody!
37:09Why did we have to know what Brian does?
37:11Do it!
37:12Do it!
37:13Do it!
37:14I'm a video game developer.
37:15Motherfucker!
37:16I thought you killed people!
37:21And now it's time for you all to pick a winner of tonight's episode.
37:26And that winner is going to receive our golden drink ticket.
37:32Ooh!
37:33Ooh!
37:34And you guys are going to pick that winner by a simple round of applause.
37:38Do we think our winner tonight is Bob the Drag Queen?
37:42Okay.
37:47Or do we feel the winner of tonight's episode is Leah Rudin?
37:55Josh Rudin?
38:02Or is it Brendan Lee Mulligan!
38:06The winner of tonight's episode, who has all his self worth in the world, Bob the Drag queen!
38:18Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
38:25You are the winner of our golden drink ticket to the bar,
38:29which we are now closing, everybody.
38:31That is last call for us here at Crowd Control.
38:35I'm your man and your host, Jacky Sneal.
38:37Good night, everybody.
38:39Good night.
38:41Good night.
38:44Statistically, ten of you are my former improv students.
38:51I told you exactly what I did, I probably wouldn't get it.
38:54That motherfucker, what you've done?
38:58Watch this actually get me canceled. This is fucked.
39:04Da-da-da-da-da-da.
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