Laugh along with Peter Sellers in The Battle of the Sexes (1960), a witty British comedy about rivalry, romance, and hilarious misunderstandings between men and women. Watch the full movie now!
π¬ **Get ready for a classic comedy of errors! Watch The Battle of the Sexes (1960) for FREE right here!** π¬
An old-fashioned Scottish accountant, Mr. Martin (Peter Sellers), finds his world turned upside down when a bright, efficient American efficiency expert, Angela Barrows, is sent to modernize his workplace. What follows is a hilarious battle of wits between tradition and progress, set in the heart of swinging sixties London!
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#TheBattleOfTheSexes #petersellers #classiccomedy #1960smovies #britishcomedy #fullmovieonline #vintagecinema #retromovies #cultclassic #comedyfilms #freefullmovies #freemoviesonline #fullmovie #classicmovies
π¬ **Get ready for a classic comedy of errors! Watch The Battle of the Sexes (1960) for FREE right here!** π¬
An old-fashioned Scottish accountant, Mr. Martin (Peter Sellers), finds his world turned upside down when a bright, efficient American efficiency expert, Angela Barrows, is sent to modernize his workplace. What follows is a hilarious battle of wits between tradition and progress, set in the heart of swinging sixties London!
----
#TheBattleOfTheSexes #petersellers #classiccomedy #1960smovies #britishcomedy #fullmovieonline #vintagecinema #retromovies #cultclassic #comedyfilms #freefullmovies #freemoviesonline #fullmovie #classicmovies
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The Battle of the Sexes
00:00:30In this timeless struggle for supremacy between man and woman,
00:00:35man had held his own until that fateful day in 1492
00:00:40when Christopher Columbus discovered America.
00:00:45Out of this new world emerged a new woman
00:00:49destined to turn man the hunter into man the hunted.
00:00:56Mr. James Thurber, America's great chronicler of man's losing battle,
00:01:01has warned us all.
00:01:04We are living at a time when in the moth-proof closet dwells the moth.
00:01:10Well, I think that's all for today, gentlemen.
00:01:14Erwin must look smart, you know.
00:01:18If she does that to me once more, I'm going to kill her.
00:01:22We'd only send her away somewhere to do an export survey,
00:01:25somewhere really wild, really remote.
00:01:28I've got it.
00:01:30We've never had an export survey of Scotland.
00:01:32Scotland?
00:01:34CJ, that's great.
00:01:36Imagine, Scotland!
00:01:40Erwin Hoffman here can go with her.
00:01:43CJ, you can't do that to me.
00:01:46You can't do it.
00:01:47CJ, I'll do anything but...
00:01:49You don't mean it, do you?
00:01:52You wouldn't do a thing like that to me, CJ.
00:01:55We've been pals.
00:01:57So destiny sent Mrs. Barrows to carry the sex war
00:02:09into one of the last bastions of man's supremacy.
00:02:13Scotland.
00:02:18A man's world.
00:02:19A world in which the shortest skirts are worn by man.
00:02:39A world in which even the can-can is danced by man.
00:02:42This was to be the battleground.
00:02:53Now, every war produces its hero.
00:02:56The man with that little extra something that other men haven't got.
00:03:00The Superman.
00:03:01Mr. Martin may not be cast in the heroic mould, but he is a hero just the same.
00:03:15Even buying this packet of cigarettes is an act of heroism.
00:03:19Why?
00:03:21Mr. Martin has never smoked a cigarette in his life.
00:03:26The purchase of this bottle of good Scotch whisky, too, is an act of valour.
00:03:30Because Mr. Martin has been a lifelong abstainer.
00:03:35Strange?
00:03:37Certainly is.
00:03:39But perhaps we'd better begin at the beginning.
00:03:42In Scotland's capital city.
00:03:45Edinburgh.
00:04:00In Scotland.
00:04:01Advanced
00:04:17Written in Scotland.
00:04:20priority
00:04:54Here, in this old family business of fine hand-woven tweed, the first faint rumbling was heard of distant battle.
00:05:24Oh, sorry, Mr. Darling.
00:05:27Do you mean something a little lighter in color, madam?
00:05:43No, I mean a little lighter in weight. This is a bit heavy for California.
00:05:51Have you any wool mixed with nylon or synthetic fiber?
00:05:56Synthetic fiber? We have nothing to do with synthetic fiber here, sir.
00:06:02Sorry.
00:06:02Excuse me.
00:06:05Yes, darling?
00:06:07A message for Mr. Martin from himself.
00:06:10You'll find him upstairs. How is Mr. McPherson?
00:06:13Oh, sinking fast, Mr. Robertson. It can't be long now.
00:06:32Mr. Mickey?
00:06:34Yes, Mr. Martin?
00:06:35Could you try to find a quieter nib, please?
00:06:38Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Martin.
00:06:51Hey, Mr. Martin. Andrew, darling, to see you.
00:06:55What is it, Andrew?
00:07:01It's Mr. McPherson, sir. I have to take you there at once.
00:07:05How is he?
00:07:06Getting very weak, the poor man.
00:07:09Oh, dear, dear, dear.
00:07:13I've heard the call, Martin.
00:07:16The great weaver himself is waiting for me.
00:07:20Oh, there's plenty of life left in you yet, Mr. McPherson.
00:07:24I'm dying, Martin.
00:07:26I shall be gone before my son comes home from America.
00:07:31Will we telegraph him to hurry back?
00:07:33Oh, he's ill himself, poor laddie.
00:07:36In quarantine with the mumps.
00:07:39He never was strong, you know, Martin.
00:07:42It's a pity I sent him to school in England.
00:07:45Too soft.
00:07:48Couriering about Windsor in frock coats.
00:07:51I'm worried about him, Martin.
00:07:55He's not quite ready to take on the responsibilities of a big business.
00:08:01You'll have to help him.
00:08:04I'll do my best, sir.
00:08:06I'm sure you will.
00:08:07You always have.
00:08:10That's why I'm asking you.
00:08:13Give me a drink.
00:08:14Do you think that you should, sir?
00:08:22The doctor was saying...
00:08:23Oh, is that ignorant old fool.
00:08:26Give me a drink.
00:08:28And have a dram yourself with a dying man.
00:08:30If you'll excuse me, Mr. MacPherson, you know I...
00:08:49I never...
00:08:50I nearly had you, Martin.
00:08:53I thought you might have given way to sentiment.
00:08:58But I should have known better.
00:09:00Man is fallible, but Martin is not.
00:09:04Well, put your dram in with mine, and I'll drink for the two of us.
00:09:09I'll drink for the two of us.
00:09:39I'll drink for the two of us.
00:10:09Well, here's to his memory.
00:10:17There'll never be another like him.
00:10:18The old...
00:10:19ginger ale on a day like this.
00:10:25Mr. MacPherson on his deathbed respected my principles.
00:10:29Anyway, it's the same color.
00:10:30He was a great man.
00:10:32Aye.
00:10:34And here's to the new head of the house, Mr. Robert MacPherson.
00:10:37Mr. Robert.
00:10:38Oh, heaven's say, was what a come down.
00:10:41Mr. Robert may never be the man his father was,
00:10:44but he's a MacPherson for all that.
00:10:47It's a pity he couldn't be here today.
00:10:49It was a bonny funeral.
00:10:50It's only bear not there to see his poor father buried.
00:10:56Aye.
00:10:57Cast quite a gloom over the whole proceedings.
00:10:59I say, aren't you my chap?
00:11:14No, not me, mate.
00:11:15I'm promised to another.
00:11:16Cast quite a gloom over the whole thing.
00:11:20First, an internet changed at any time.
00:11:24Oh, for goodness sake.
00:11:26Where's your luggage?
00:11:27Back at the hotel.
00:11:28The hotel that this train leaves in a minute.
00:11:30That's what I figured.
00:11:32You got no time to get your luggage out.
00:11:34You're cooked.
00:11:35Where have you been?
00:11:37I've been brushing up on my Scottish.
00:11:38You've been brushing up on your scotch?
00:11:40This guy Burns has got something.
00:11:43A man's a man for all that.
00:11:45Excuse me.
00:11:47Angie, you're on your own.
00:11:49Do you mean you're walking out on this trip?
00:11:51Honey, I'm running.
00:11:53You wait till CJ hears about this.
00:11:55He knows.
00:11:56I cabled her.
00:11:57Barrows takes the high road stop.
00:11:59I take the low road stop.
00:12:01She'll be in Scotland way, way ahead of me.
00:12:04Great writer, that Rabbi Burns.
00:12:07It's long, Angie.
00:12:11Really, damn it all.
00:12:12I mean, where is my compartment?
00:12:14You can't remember to reserve this
00:12:15because it's at the last of the first class.
00:12:17Of course I reserve it.
00:12:18I've got to go, sir.
00:12:19The train's due to leave.
00:12:19Where am I going to sleep?
00:12:21There's a begging compartment here if you want it.
00:12:23I reserve two, but I only need one now.
00:12:26Oh, I see.
00:12:26Are you sure?
00:12:27Oh, what a bit of luck for me.
00:12:30Oh, frightfully kind of you.
00:12:31No, not at all.
00:12:33My name is Angela Barrows.
00:12:35Oh, yes.
00:12:36My name's Robert McPherson.
00:12:37The house of McPherson tweeds.
00:12:49Well, of course I've heard of them.
00:12:50Do sit down.
00:12:51Oh, thank you.
00:12:52So you're the Robert McPherson,
00:12:55and you must have quite a business.
00:12:56Oh, it really does no family firm.
00:12:58Oh, I love that British understatement.
00:13:01I'm very interested in all businesses.
00:13:03I'm the personal advisor to the president
00:13:05of a very big American corporation.
00:13:08I'm a business consultant.
00:13:09You mean a sort of efficiency expert?
00:13:11Well, it's a little more than that.
00:13:13We try to apply psychology to business.
00:13:16Apply psychology to business?
00:13:18My goodness, what will they think of next?
00:13:20Well, you're certainly efficient.
00:13:21I mean, first my sleeper,
00:13:23and now the brandy.
00:13:23I don't know what I should have done without you.
00:13:25Your staff certainly should have reserved you a compartment.
00:13:28You ought to give them hell.
00:13:29Well, that is, you ought to put somebody
00:13:31on that little old carpet.
00:13:32No, I'll do that.
00:13:34Perhaps when you've finished with your American,
00:13:36you'll come and put my house in order.
00:13:39Well, I should certainly like to look over your business.
00:13:42You would? It's the date.
00:13:44I look forward to that.
00:13:45My goodness, so shall I.
00:13:47Well, I'll be saying good night,
00:13:49and thank you again.
00:13:50Good night, Mr. McPherson.
00:13:52I say, have you got anybody meeting you in Edinburgh?
00:13:56No.
00:13:57Oh, good.
00:13:57Then tomorrow morning,
00:13:58you must let me be your business efficiency expert.
00:14:02Well, you're very kind.
00:14:05Sweet dreams.
00:14:06Darling's been with us for ages.
00:14:14You're used to drive me to kindergarten.
00:14:23darling's been with us for ages you know you used to drive me to kindergarten didn't you darling
00:14:32my when was that built she was built in 1925 lady she's a beauty
00:14:39aha beat you to it the george hotel and then the office
00:14:46wait wait wait
00:14:51oh that was for me oh mr mcpherson thank you my goodness aren't they beautiful
00:15:04here's himself now
00:15:11well well how do you folks
00:15:24well well how do you folks
00:15:36welcome home thank you thank you as they say in texas it's sure good to be back i've had a wonderful trip yes indeed a really wonderful trip most stimulating i've had a wonderful trip
00:15:48i'll have a little talk with you all later
00:15:53he seems in wonderful spirits
00:16:00yes aye what's wrong with him he's a changed man right enough do you know what he's brought back with him from america a lady
00:16:09a lady
00:16:12aye arm and arm they were mincing up the waverly steps like like two turtle doves
00:16:18wait he said to me and he dashes off and buys all the flowers old annie had with her and just throws them over this lady
00:16:25the poor man he doesn't know what he doesn't know what he's doing in his grief
00:16:31well i i i couldn't wish for anything better a man in business needs a woman in the home
00:16:38first a funeral then a wedding and then who knows
00:16:42that'll be himself
00:16:46what like is she andro
00:16:49an american
00:16:53oh well thanks to the old scottish settlers there are still some good families left in america
00:17:02jeannie must we have that clapper
00:17:09sorry sir it's the tree the cats danced about on it as if they were doing a reel
00:17:14i'll try to keep them quiet
00:17:16we thought the heads of departments might open the list for the wedding present
00:17:20it might encourage the others
00:17:22he didn't actually say they were getting married
00:17:26but he was quite poetic about her
00:17:28he said she was like a breath of the new
00:17:32will that be herself
00:17:42oh this is marvelous it's like something out of dickens
00:17:47oh do you think perhaps i ought to do it up a bit i mean i could get myself a new desk
00:17:51oh no no it would be a shame to touch it
00:17:54it's a museum piece
00:17:57but if we are going to do it over will you just relax and leave everything to me
00:18:00you're right mr robertson you look as if you've had a shock
00:18:04that's mind we've only Andrew Darling's word for it they were like petal doves
00:18:23you're right mr. Robertson you look as if you've had a shock nonsense and this
00:18:31is mr. Martin Martin's been with the firm for 35 years that's right isn't it Martin
00:18:36next Michael was sir how do you do next Michael was how quaint Martin I'm very
00:18:41happy to tell you that I have persuaded this is bad I already knew it sir we
00:18:45were already ahead of you may offer you both my heartiest congratulations I was
00:18:50never married myself I understand it's a great institution well you wouldn't
00:18:54think that if you've been married to my ex-husband he thinks we're going to be
00:18:58married isn't that dreamy don't pull yourself together Martin what do you
00:19:01think I said mr. McPherson has invited me to join the firm join the firm that's
00:19:08right as an industrial consultant well will you look at his face haven't you
00:19:13ever seen a woman industrial consultant before don't you have women in your
00:19:16business well there's a Ginny McDougal oh she makes the tea and cleans the
00:19:24offices oh quite a job yes a woman's work mr. Martin you must join the 20th
00:19:31century a woman's work yes well I knew you two would get on Martin in the
00:19:37morning I want you to take Mrs. Barrow under your wing show her the ropes
00:19:40nobody understands working in the departments better than Martin here he
00:19:43holds all the purse strings oh I see well you are on the catbird seat baseball
00:19:48term means sitting pretty oh don't be such a square Martin
00:19:55ah so this is the accounts department oh don't get up gentlemen please my my
00:20:09well this is quite a change from any filing system that I know yes well I don't
00:20:14suppose you'd really call it a system but we do find what we want to and it's
00:20:19needed this I have to see certainly yes mr. Mickey would you ask for
00:20:24something ask for something hey anything can I have a cup of tea please no no mr.
00:20:30Mickey ask me for an account a statement of the accounts as to the end of July last
00:20:37year hey that should be a good one to demonstrate with mr. McDonald would you
00:20:50mind just helping me across you don't usually keep these over there mrs. Barrow
00:20:54so I can undo it you'd never think this was a chair it's not it's a pair of steps hold my legs mr.
00:21:05Mickey yeah let me see now yeah hi here it is ask me another mr. Mickey a letter from the
00:21:22Scottish Weavers Association asking us to participate in their exhibition last October
00:21:28yes yes there were two letters this one thank us for our cooperation yes well this makes a nice
00:21:46parlor game but we can't run a business this way can we must look smart and how you can work in
00:21:54this atmosphere don't you have air conditioners no well at least we can use nature's air conditioner
00:22:01mrs. Barrow's we never open the windows
00:22:03mrs. Barrow's look at you've done I'll tell you what I've done I've got you a new fighting system oh for
00:22:26peace sake shut it great balls of fire is that how you tackle the whole market I don't understand mrs.
00:22:40Barrow's you're selling to 20th century customers your display figures must look
00:22:45like 20th century people that's psychology mr. Robertson I mean who would want to
00:22:51identify themselves with a couple of scarecrows like that now mrs. Barrow's this is the most
00:23:04important piece of furniture on the whole building will you take a wee snifter no thank you it's too
00:23:10early for me but you do keep a cozy little pub here will you see mrs. Barrow's our main export being
00:23:16to the Americas mr. McLeod does have to be hospitable to the buyer and naturally no buyer likes to drink
00:23:22alone aye you've said it you change your mind let's put it this way mr. McLeod liquor and efficiency
00:23:28don't mix oh yes but they do mrs. you see there's such a demand on our stuff that your buyers queue up
00:23:37for their quota really in that case they should be buying you drinks you know mrs. Barrow's mr. McLeod
00:23:43does sell every bit of tweed that we can produce for the your loyalty is very touching mr. Martin some
00:23:48chief accountants would say there's no need for an export manager not when the stuff sells itself
00:23:54however don't you worry your little head about that mr. Martin I've got mr. McLeod's problem solved
00:24:00we'll simply step up production increase production by a thousand percent
00:24:05I'm afraid mrs. Barrow you're afraid but I'm not but there's a limit to how much handmade tweed we
00:24:14can get from the weavers that comes up to our high standard I've heard that kind of talk before
00:24:19mr. Graham where's your factory factory yes where the tweed is woven and you see mrs. Barrow's it's not
00:24:28exactly a factory oh come gentlemen let's not mince words I don't care what you call it over here
00:24:33where's the stuff made that's what I want to see it's made in the hebrides the what well never mind
00:24:39that's where we're going in the hebrides um well I'm off there next week to pay the weavers their
00:24:47advance money advance money yes you see they have to have the three months pay in advance
00:24:51in advance well no wonder you don't get productivity how do other factory workers manage
00:24:58but these are not factory workers I have news for you from now on they are and they clock in just
00:25:03like any other factory workers do you have time clocks no I thought as much well you must order
00:25:09them pronto for each of them mrs. Barrow for every man jack of them yes three months in advance well it
00:25:17looks like I got here just in time
00:25:47what a location for a factory couldn't you have found someplace near a home it wouldn't be easy to
00:26:00move the weavers they've been making tweed here for hundreds of years they still make it in much the
00:26:05same way mr. Martin you don't surprise me it's less primitive nowadays you understand how primitive can
00:26:13you get oh just get that picture isn't that something oh don't bother to stop on my account
00:26:32I've got no time to be a tourist let's press on to the tweed business yeah this is it what is it well
00:26:38Jock and Chrissy McNeil here are two of our best weavers you mean that's all there is to it no no
00:26:44we've about 700 of them scattered all over the island are they all that old oh we've got some
00:26:50that well I suppose there's no production that can't be rationalized I beg your pardon you've heard
00:26:56of time and motion study of course though how that could be applied here I don't quite see we've
00:27:01plenty of time here mrs. Barrow's but there is not a great deal of motion oh come now Rip Van Winkle
00:27:07don't tell me you've never heard of mechanization well I suppose it doesn't matter as long as Mr.
00:27:11McPherson has just wait till I hit him with my plan for centralizing the weaving well you go must look
00:27:19smart you know now you go off and do whatever it is you have to do and then let's get the hell out of
00:27:24here I say the windows are they real glass prospects I could get a torch bulb and run it off the battery
00:27:40at the back they'd light up they'd look wonderful in a dark room yes I'm sure they would Robert but
00:27:45what do you think of my project well it's bold of course isn't it it's very bold I'll give you that
00:27:50mind you it's a break it's the biggest break you've ever had in your life and the best I mean
00:27:54it's a break with tradition and how you're the head of this house now Robert you must create tradition
00:28:00as your father and grandfather did yes I must say it's beautifully made in years to come people
00:28:06will say Robert McPherson began it encyclopedias of the future will talk about the McPherson method for
00:28:12the manufacture of tweeds I say I mean you don't think encyclopedias well I have to talk it over with
00:28:18the boys I mean try it out you know talk it over with Martin that's the one try it on the dog well
00:28:23don't you let them talk you out of it remember your top dog oh this is a big step Robert but we'll take
00:28:29it together Robert I wish you wouldn't think of me as a woman what I'm your business partner now I've got
00:28:37a lot to do and so have you
00:28:38sacropedias
00:28:52what I want you to do
00:28:59what I want you to do
00:29:04what I want you to do
00:29:18Hello, this is Mr. Martin here.
00:29:41Is that you, Martin?
00:29:43Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:29:45Martin, what's that damn noise?
00:29:47I'm sorry, Mr. MacPherson, excuse me, sir.
00:29:50Martin, what I wanted to say is Mr. MacPherson.
00:29:52Martin, have we been cut off?
00:29:53Yes, it's your offer, sir.
00:29:54Yes, Mr. MacPherson.
00:29:55Are you there, Martin?
00:29:56I'm sorry, excuse me, Mr. MacPherson.
00:30:00It's your retreat, please.
00:30:03It's Jeremy.
00:30:04Switch it off, Mr. MacPherson.
00:30:06Hello?
00:30:07Come in to my office straight away, will you?
00:30:11I'll come over right away, Mr. MacPherson.
00:30:13There's no reason to shout!
00:30:15I'm not deaf!
00:30:16I'm very sorry, sir.
00:30:32Just a minute.
00:30:33Don't come in till I say!
00:30:41Come in now!
00:30:47Martin, over here.
00:30:48What do you think of it?
00:30:58Good effect, eh?
00:30:59Yes, it's very nice, sir.
00:31:03Is it for an advertisement?
00:31:07You'd be surprised.
00:31:08This is a model of the new factory Mrs. Barrows wants me to build for the house of MacPherson.
00:31:13Centralise all the weaving.
00:31:15What do you think of that, eh?
00:31:19You can't mean it, Mr. MacPherson.
00:31:21Well, I don't know.
00:31:22I mean, what do you think?
00:31:23Do I like it or don't I?
00:31:25Hmm?
00:31:26Well, it's not for me to say so.
00:31:28I mean, what would your father have said?
00:31:30Well, I don't know.
00:31:31Father said such a lot, didn't he?
00:31:32But we can't dwell in the past.
00:31:34We've got to move into the 20th century.
00:31:37Encyclopedias of the future may talk of the MacPherson new method of tweed manufacture.
00:31:42I rarely will get one or two of those miniature cars put outside the front entrance.
00:31:46They look absolutely marvellous.
00:31:48Well, if there's anything else, sir.
00:31:51No, I don't think so.
00:31:53Think it over.
00:31:54Some of Mrs. Barrows' ideas need seasoning, you know.
00:31:58Like timber.
00:31:59How do you like the way she's done up my office?
00:32:02Quite unusual, sir.
00:32:05I'm very keen on my cork box.
00:32:07That's what they call them in the States.
00:32:09Do you know how old this is?
00:32:11Before Columbus discovered America.
00:32:14They didn't wear tweeds in those days.
00:32:19And there was Mrs. Barrows complaining that your father's ornaments were old-fashioned, sir.
00:32:27MacPherson speaking.
00:32:28Robert, it's me.
00:32:29I've been thinking about my project.
00:32:31Now, maybe you shouldn't mention it to those old fossils you've got working for.
00:32:34I'm in a meeting, Mrs. Barrows.
00:32:36I'll call you back.
00:32:37Don't bother.
00:32:38That's all I wanted to say.
00:32:39They just wouldn't dig in.
00:32:41Very amusing the way she puts things.
00:32:43Very American.
00:32:44She wasn't referring to you, of course.
00:32:48Well, think it over, Martin.
00:32:51Yes, sir.
00:32:52Yes.
00:33:13Look at that.
00:33:14Down.
00:33:15I'm terribly sorry, Mr. MacPherson, only the wire is not usually there.
00:33:20Yes, but Mrs. Barrows thought very highly of this.
00:33:22Yes, well, I'll tell her that I did it, sir.
00:33:24No, no, no.
00:33:25I'll say it was my fault that it was an accident.
00:33:27Perhaps she shouldn't mention it at all.
00:33:29Maybe she won't notice.
00:33:30Yes, yes.
00:33:31Martin.
00:33:32That'll be all.
00:33:34Oh, I was just putting it in.
00:33:40Come here.
00:33:41I'm very sorry, Mr. MacPherson.
00:34:02Good night, Angus.
00:34:03Why, good night to you, Mr. Martin.
00:34:04Oh, Angus.
00:34:05We'd better have a look at the upstairs windows.
00:34:07Mrs. Burrows is inclined to leave them open.
00:34:08I'll see to it right away.
00:34:09The insurance company don't share her enthusiasm for fresh air.
00:34:12Hi,ehe.
00:34:14Wow.
00:34:15Have a look at the upstairs windows.
00:34:16Mrs. Burrows is inclined to leave them open.
00:34:17I'll see to it right away.
00:34:22The insurance company don't share her enthusiasm for fresh air.
00:34:24sure.
00:35:42Stop where you are.
00:35:57Come on, get those hands up.
00:36:00Better come quietly.
00:36:01Come on, get those hands up.
00:36:31Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:01Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:03Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:05Come on.
00:37:07Come on.
00:37:09Come on.
00:37:11Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:17Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:19Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:23Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:25Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:27Come on.
00:37:29Come on.
00:37:31Come on.
00:37:33Come on.
00:37:35Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:37Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:39Come on.
00:37:41Come on.
00:37:43Come on.
00:37:45Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:47Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:49Come on, get those hands up.
00:37:51Oh, my God.
00:38:21Oh, my God.
00:38:51Oh, my God.
00:39:21Oh, my God.
00:39:23Oh, my God.
00:39:25Oh, my God.
00:39:27Oh, my God.
00:39:29I mean, how do you get these figures?
00:39:31Has your department gone quite mad?
00:39:33Yes, I would just like to point out, Mr. MacPherson, that these are the figures that I gave to Mr. Mickey,
00:39:37and he arrived at these totals on the new electric adding machine.
00:39:42Mickey, come into my office, please.
00:39:44This is MacLeod here, sir.
00:39:45I want to talk to Mickey.
00:39:47I expect he's in his own office, sir.
00:39:49I am talking to his office.
00:39:52This is my office, sir.
00:39:54No, it's not.
00:39:55Are you sure?
00:39:57Positive.
00:39:57Oh, nonsense.
00:39:59The man's a perfect fool.
00:40:00He's in Mickey's office.
00:40:01He doesn't realize it.
00:40:02Never mind.
00:40:02I'll see if he's in with Mr. Graham.
00:40:04Yes, sir.
00:40:05Is that you, Graham?
00:40:06Oh, no, sir.
00:40:08This is Jock Monroe at the front.
00:40:11Well, is Mr. Graham with you?
00:40:12No, sir.
00:40:14There's only myself and Jock MacDonald.
00:40:17Who is Jock MacDonald?
00:40:18The new lorry driver, sir.
00:40:20Well, what is Jock MacDonald doing in Mr. Graham's?
00:40:22No, no, never mind.
00:40:23I don't want to talk to him.
00:40:25I think you'll find that Mr. Graham is in the showroom, sir.
00:40:28Just allow me to press that button there.
00:40:31Graham speaking.
00:40:32Oh, well, there you are.
00:40:33I've been looking for you.
00:40:34Well, what are you doing in the showroom?
00:40:36I'm not in the showroom, sir.
00:40:37I'm with Mr. Mickey.
00:40:39Mickey?
00:40:39Well, that's the man I'm looking for.
00:40:40Well, where are you?
00:40:41Are you in Mr. MacDonald's office?
00:40:43No, sir.
00:40:43I'm in Mr. Martin's office.
00:40:45Well, you better stay where you are and I'll come and find you.
00:40:47I really don't know what's the matter with the staff today.
00:40:49None of them seem to know where they are.
00:40:51Yes, it's just so that the boys are finding these a little bit difficult to get used to.
00:40:56But once they understand the working of them, it'll be all right.
00:40:59Don't be such a stick in the mud, Martin.
00:41:02Perfectly simple.
00:41:03A child could use it.
00:41:04Ah!
00:41:07Jeannie, you're a faithless old witch.
00:41:09Where's my tea?
00:41:11I had a bit of a rough night last night and I've got a tongue you could roast chestnuts on.
00:41:15McLeod, will you spare us your symptoms and take an aspirin?
00:41:19Where was I?
00:41:20I've been thinking, Mr. MacDonald, it's no use you're nagging me.
00:41:26I've only got the one pair of hands and I'm not supposed to bring tea around until 11.
00:41:30And if you were to ask me, you'd be better off with a purge.
00:41:33Mrs. MacDougall, will you try and show a little more respect for the heads of the departments?
00:41:40Mr. MacPherson!
00:41:41That's me!
00:41:42Now come along.
00:41:43Let's get out of here before there's any more of this.
00:41:46Ah!
00:41:46Ah!
00:41:47Don't be absurd, Martin.
00:41:54Adding machines don't make mistakes.
00:41:55That's the whole point of adding.
00:41:57What's happening in here?
00:41:58They're having a picnic or something?
00:42:00We got them trying to sort out last month's figures for you, sir, to compare them.
00:42:04We've been at it since 10 o'clock.
00:42:05Now, sir, this new filing system takes a wee bit of a getting used to, but, as you said yourself, Mrs. Barrows' ideas do need seasoning.
00:42:12Quite right.
00:42:13Where's the adding machine?
00:42:14It's over here, sir.
00:42:15Yeah?
00:42:16Oh, I say, it's jolly compact, isn't it?
00:42:18Now, how does it work?
00:42:19Well, just add anything you like together, sir, say, two and two.
00:42:25Now you press that.
00:42:28Oh, I say, that's jolly good, isn't it?
00:42:30Yes, sir, but it says 22.
00:42:33Well, two and two do make 22 in a way, don't there?
00:42:35I mean, it's got a sort of logic of its own, hasn't it?
00:42:37You might say that, but it doesn't help with the salaries and wages total for the money.
00:42:42You've got a point there.
00:42:43Perhaps that was a bit too simple for it.
00:42:45Let's give it something it can really get its teeth into.
00:42:47Now then, give me a number.
00:42:49142 pounds, 15 and 9.
00:42:52Divided by 3 pounds, 7 and 6 pence.
00:42:55There we go.
00:42:58Somebody's been tampering with it.
00:42:59Well, there's none of us in this office, sir, have anything to do with machinery.
00:43:03Well, you'd better find somebody who does and tell Mrs. Barrows.
00:43:05In the meantime, you can go back to your old system.
00:43:07Just as you see, Mr. Macbeth.
00:43:13Yes?
00:43:14Not you, Robbie, old man.
00:43:16Just testing this in final box.
00:43:19Every time I try to get Ginny, I get puffing billions.
00:43:22Get that machine out of here!
00:43:23And tell MacLeod to come and see me in my office right away!
00:43:26You can get him by buzzing the back gate.
00:43:34Mr. Martin, we can't seem to find last month's figures anywhere.
00:43:39Oh, well, don't worry.
00:43:40No doubt they'll turn up later.
00:43:42The Mr. Macpherson seemed a wee bit upset.
00:43:44Aye.
00:43:45Martin!
00:43:46Martin!
00:43:52Martin!
00:43:52Oh, but don't shout or burns the blood vessel.
00:43:54Use the intercal.
00:43:55It's no damn good!
00:43:56Martin!
00:43:59Martin!
00:44:00Who are you calling me, sir?
00:44:02What is the meaning of all this?
00:44:07Never done talk about blood.
00:44:08I see that they've arrived, sir.
00:44:12I didn't tell them to unpack the whole lot, sir.
00:44:14I thought that maybe you'd like to see just the one.
00:44:18But how many of these are there?
00:44:19There's, uh, 307, sir.
00:44:22I took the liberty of cutting the order down.
00:44:25Cutting it down?
00:44:26Yes, you see, sir,
00:44:26Mrs. Burrows' instructions were for 607,
00:44:31one for each weaver.
00:44:32I thought we'd save money and just get one for each cross.
00:44:35Mrs. Burrows, I wonder if you'd mind holding that there for a moment
00:44:37so that Mr. McPherson can view it.
00:44:39That's the utility model.
00:44:41Oh, I suppose I should have, uh, consulted you,
00:44:43but I'm sure you wouldn't mind.
00:44:45After all, it is, uh, quite deceiving.
00:44:47Mrs. Burrows, did you instruct Mr. Martin
00:44:49to order these infernal machines?
00:44:51No!
00:44:52Well, yes, in a way, I suppose I did.
00:44:54I meant one o'clock, Mr. Martin, one.
00:44:57Really, Mr. Martin, I don't dig how you can see it.
00:44:59Mrs. Burrows, if we go on like this,
00:45:00the only thing we'll dig will be our own graves, really.
00:45:02I'm not a bottomless well, Martin.
00:45:04You must realise we haven't got all this money to throw around.
00:45:06What am I expecting to do with all these?
00:45:08I shouldn't worry yourself, sir.
00:45:09I'm sure that something can be arranged.
00:45:11Are you, Martin?
00:45:11Yes, I think, yes.
00:45:12Oh, well, that's settled, then.
00:45:14Those are my instructions.
00:45:17I want everybody to get this perfectly clear in my mind.
00:45:20I mean, in your minds.
00:45:21Mr. Martin will see what can be arranged.
00:45:23I want all these clocks removed.
00:45:25I'm not going to pay for them even if they sue me.
00:45:28They can't sue me, can they?
00:45:30Won't come to that.
00:45:31You won't let it come to that.
00:45:32I don't think you're going to need to worry about that.
00:45:33I think I want an aspirin.
00:45:37Oh, do I?
00:45:38Yes, I'm sure I do.
00:45:41This is all your faults.
00:45:45Weave yourself something out of that.
00:45:50You're a county man, Mr. Martin, right enough.
00:45:53Aye.
00:45:55All right, boys, back to the warehouse.
00:45:56No, it's no use making excuses for me, Robert.
00:46:12I've flopped.
00:46:14I know when to quit.
00:46:16I'll go back home.
00:46:17I guess you could say I've met my Waterloo.
00:46:20Waterloo, you mustn't think of going back to America.
00:46:22Well, I mean, it's only business.
00:46:23After all, we all make mistakes in business.
00:46:25I wish you wouldn't think of me as just a business partner.
00:46:29I am a woman, too.
00:46:31Do you want to know something?
00:46:32Oh, yes.
00:46:33No, no, no.
00:46:34I'd better not say it.
00:46:35No, come on.
00:46:36Come on out with it.
00:46:37Well, it's nothing.
00:46:39I just was going to say...
00:46:41Yes, yes.
00:46:41The only thing I'll miss in this dump is you.
00:46:45Oh, no, no, no.
00:46:46You mustn't think of missing me.
00:46:47Well, I mean, you mustn't think of going back to America.
00:46:50I'm not a rich woman, Robert, but if I could pay you just something against the loss, the costs...
00:46:56What costs?
00:46:58Well, all the money you're losing on my account, those squawk boxes, I haven't dared to tell you what they cost.
00:47:04Now they're all going back.
00:47:06Who said they were going back?
00:47:07Did I say so?
00:47:08Oh, but I didn't mean it, did I?
00:47:09And the adding machines?
00:47:10Oh, that's not going back.
00:47:11No, I would stop that at once.
00:47:12I'm very fond of the adding machines.
00:47:14Then you don't think I am a flop?
00:47:16Oh, my dear.
00:47:17Oh, Robert.
00:47:19Oh, no, don't look at me.
00:47:20I'll be all right.
00:47:21It's just...
00:47:21It's just that I'm so happy.
00:47:23No, no, no, you mustn't upset yourself.
00:47:24No, what you need is a good rest.
00:47:26Look, I'll tell you what, I'll drive you home in my car.
00:47:28No, no, I insist.
00:47:30Now then, I don't care who you are or where you are.
00:47:33I want you to find Andrew Darling and tell him to bring my car round to the front door at once.
00:47:38Andrew Darling speaking, sir.
00:47:39Very well, then, get him.
00:47:45Robert, you're quite sure you don't mind me going on talking about this.
00:47:49I mean, I'm not interfering, am I?
00:47:52My dear, it's your job to interfere.
00:47:55All right, Robert.
00:47:57Then I'm going to give it to you straight from the shoulder.
00:47:59Now, honestly, there is nothing wrong with my improvements.
00:48:03It's those old gremlins you've got working them.
00:48:05And if you're as smart as I think you are, you'll get rid of them.
00:48:08Get rid of them?
00:48:09Every man, Jack.
00:48:10You can't have them and progress.
00:48:13And as for those weavers, well, I mean, they could just draw their pensions and take to the caves.
00:48:17That's how much you need them.
00:48:18But who'd make the cloth?
00:48:20Join the 20th century, Robert.
00:48:22Stop making cloth for the privileged few.
00:48:24Make cloth for the millions.
00:48:26Build a factory of today to make the cloth of today.
00:48:29Synthetic fiber.
00:48:38Are you all right, darling?
00:48:39Yes, sir.
00:48:40Not you, you great...
00:48:41Oh, it's time you got rid of him, too.
00:48:45And this old crate.
00:48:50Oh, Robert, you could have the whole industry by its ears.
00:48:53I've got the slogan for you, too.
00:48:55McPherson's fiber's what you need.
00:48:57Better far than handmade tweed.
00:49:00May I trouble you for your name, sir?
00:49:02McPherson.
00:49:02Robert McPherson.
00:49:04Would that be McPherson's tweeds now?
00:49:07Synthetic fiber.
00:49:10Synthetic fiber?
00:49:11What do you think you're doing, eh?
00:49:40How about one for the road, Mr. McClough?
00:49:42Better go and put your head under a cold tap.
00:49:44Mr. McPherson sees you like that.
00:49:45You'll get fired, man.
00:49:48I have been fired.
00:49:49Eh?
00:49:50Aye.
00:49:50And you'd better look out for yourself.
00:49:53You're a gremlin.
00:49:54That's what she said.
00:49:55Who says?
00:49:56Mrs. Bluttering Barris.
00:49:58And you should hear what she's going to do
00:50:00with the house of McPherson.
00:50:02Aye.
00:50:04Here.
00:50:07What's a gremlin?
00:50:08You'd better go and see Mr. Robertson.
00:50:11Oh, Robbie.
00:50:11Come on.
00:50:13He's a very old gremlin.
00:50:15Will you please stop calling me a gremlin?
00:50:17Can you be sure Mr. McPherson agreed with Mistress Barris?
00:50:20Aye.
00:50:21Wasn't he agreeing with everything she said?
00:50:24Even to building a new factory?
00:50:27New factory?
00:50:29Does Mr. Martin know about this?
00:50:31No.
00:50:31He doesn't even know he's a gremlin.
00:50:36Yes.
00:50:36There was some talk of a factory.
00:50:39Aye.
00:50:40And there's more than just talk.
00:50:42The weavers are going to be evicted from their crops.
00:50:45You're talking nonsense, Andrew.
00:50:46Why should they be?
00:50:47Why?
00:50:48I'll tell you why.
00:50:51So as they can get their old-aged pensions and live in the caves.
00:50:54You're drunk, Andrew, darling.
00:50:57He's only just discovered it.
00:50:58But what could it mean?
00:51:01They're surely not going to stop the weaving.
00:51:03Stop the weaving.
00:51:04They're going to make class for the million.
00:51:06Her and Mr. McPherson.
00:51:09McPherson's fibres, what you need.
00:51:12Fibres?
00:51:13Aye.
00:51:13Synthetic fibre.
00:51:16Mr. Graham.
00:51:17Who's drunk now?
00:51:19Let's go to the chair.
00:51:21You'll be all right.
00:51:22It's the same.
00:51:26McPherson's fibres, what you need.
00:51:28There goes, darling.
00:51:31Aye, well, he's better off lying, don't you?
00:51:33It's all this stupid talk about the synthetic fibres.
00:51:37I think I'll shut down.
00:51:40Oh, Mrs. Barrow should never have been allowed near this house.
00:51:43It was a terrible error.
00:51:45Oh, a terrible error.
00:51:47No good speaking about her as if she were just an entry in one of Martin's ledgers.
00:51:52I mean, an entry can be rubbed out, can't it, Martin?
00:51:55Hmm?
00:51:57Oh, aye, aye.
00:51:58Aye.
00:51:59Yes, you could rub out an error.
00:52:03Regarding the matter of...
00:52:04The matter of...
00:52:05Yes, yes.
00:52:06Well, the matter of what?
00:52:08Of synthetic fibre.
00:52:10We were thinking that, perhaps, it might be an error.
00:52:14You could always rub out an error.
00:52:16What was that, Martin?
00:52:18Oh, nothing, sir.
00:52:20I was just thinking.
00:52:21Quite right, Martin.
00:52:23Mrs. Barrow says we must all put our thinking caps on.
00:52:26She regards herself in this organisation as a sort of baffle or sounding board
00:52:31against which members of the staff must be free to bounce as often as they please.
00:52:56The matter of all, with other Simple
00:53:19quid
00:53:21Why do wood
00:53:25You are surprised, my friend, but the killer was not.
00:53:50He had studied his victim.
00:53:52He knew she was a drug addict.
00:53:55He had calculated that by the time he entered her house,
00:53:57she would be what our American cousins would call coat to the gills.
00:54:02Coat to the gills?
00:54:04But where does that lead us?
00:54:06There were no fingerprints in the house other than those of the dead woman.
00:54:10For an obvious reason, the killer never removed his gloves.
00:54:13Gloves?
00:54:14The fingerprints on the knife?
00:54:16Those too were the prints of the unfortunate victim?
00:54:20Naturally.
00:54:20Anyway, the killer would not risk the purchase of so obvious a weapon.
00:54:24The knife which dealt the mortal blow belonged to the woman herself.
00:54:28Amazing.
00:54:29How can we ever hope to catch such a calculating rascal?
00:54:32My dear friend, can you not see for yourself
00:54:36the presence of the whiskey glasses and the pipe
00:54:39points to the unknown intruder being none other than Elias Lindstrom?
00:54:44Tobias Lindstrom?
00:54:45It's impossible.
00:54:46You said yourself that Elias Lindstrom neither smoked nor drank.
00:54:50It is quite elementary, my dear friend.
00:54:53Neither smoked nor drank.
00:54:54Lindstrom had brought a pipe into that poor woman's house
00:54:57and had poured himself out a drink.
00:54:59Oh, perfect.
00:55:01Perfect.
00:55:02Perfect.
00:55:03Excuse me.
00:55:05Yes.
00:55:06He was secure in the knowledge
00:55:08that he would be the last person to be suspected.
00:55:11Well done.
00:55:12Well done.
00:55:14Yes.
00:55:15Oh, very well done, that's it.
00:55:18Very well done.
00:55:19Yes.
00:55:19Yes.
00:55:20Yes.
00:55:20Yes.
00:55:27Yes, sir.
00:55:44Serve your customers first.
00:55:45Oh, we're just having a crack.
00:55:47What would you like, sir?
00:55:48Some cigarettes, please.
00:55:51What kind?
00:55:52Any kind.
00:55:53Those red ones, I always have those, yes.
00:55:58Filter tips.
00:55:58No, just a cigarette, please.
00:56:00How much is that?
00:56:02You'd better try these, then.
00:56:03They're three and eleven, sir.
00:56:04Yes.
00:56:05Three and eleven.
00:56:07Cheap at half the price.
00:56:13But which brand of whisky, sir?
00:56:15We have them all.
00:56:16I'd better have a flat bottle.
00:56:19Flat bottle?
00:56:20Yes, I always have a flat bottle, you see.
00:56:22Because it goes in my pocket here.
00:56:25Oh.
00:56:26It'll fit in there, you see.
00:56:27Uh-huh.
00:56:28Yes, sir.
00:56:29That could be the right size.
00:56:31Aye, well.
00:56:33Will you try this one for size, sir?
00:56:35It's quite a new brand.
00:56:37Kill Willie.
00:56:38Aye.
00:56:39Kill Willie?
00:56:39Aye.
00:56:40No, no, I don't like the name.
00:56:41Oh, but it's a good fit and a very good blend.
00:56:44No, I don't like the name.
00:56:45You know.
00:56:46I'd like a different name with another bottle.
00:56:48Well, now, how about this?
00:56:50Old acquaintance.
00:56:51Aye, that'll do.
00:56:52Fine, I'll have that.
00:56:54Will I help fit?
00:56:55Try it in there.
00:56:56Yes.
00:56:57How much do I owe you?
00:56:58Eight.
00:56:58Ninety and nine, sir.
00:57:00Oh, well, keep the change and have a drink on me.
00:57:03And how are you today, Mrs. Barrows?
00:57:25And how are you today?
00:57:28And how are you today, Mrs. Barrows?
00:57:34Oh, it's Mrs. Barrows.
00:57:37Yes.
00:57:38And how are you today?
00:57:40Well, I'm just fine.
00:57:42How are you, Mr. Martin?
00:57:43Oh, well, I can't complain.
00:57:46Have you noticed the evenings are getting longer?
00:57:50That generally happens about this time of the year.
00:57:53It's a problem to know what to do with them.
00:57:56I usually stay at home of an evening.
00:57:58Well, I can't say I blame you.
00:57:59If there is any nightlife in this dump, I haven't found it yet.
00:58:03Still, it's nice to stay at home and entertain your friends.
00:58:06I suppose you have a lot of people to see you of an evening?
00:58:09Yes, sometimes.
00:58:10But you must excuse me.
00:58:11I must get on.
00:58:12Do you ever spend an evening by yourself at home sometimes?
00:58:16Yes, sometimes.
00:58:17I'll be seeing you.
00:58:25Have a look at your planet.
00:58:29How are you today, Mrs. Barrows?
00:58:31I'm fine.
00:58:32How are you?
00:58:33Oh, not bad.
00:58:34Fine.
00:58:42Will I see you later in my apartment?
00:58:45Well, I was thinking perhaps I'd better spend the evening at home
00:58:47and try and kill my wretched cold.
00:58:50What?
00:58:50That may be wise.
00:58:52If you change your mind, just give three rings.
00:58:54I won't come down to answer the door unless I know it's you.
00:59:03Good night, Robert.
00:59:04Oh.
00:59:12Good night, Mr. Meekie.
00:59:31Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. MacPherson.
00:59:34I didn't realise I would anybody still hear.
00:59:36I hear a sound and I thought they'd all gone.
00:59:39It's the MacTeeth file.
00:59:42I thought I'd leave it on your table for the morning.
00:59:43Thank you, Martin.
00:59:45Everything under control?
00:59:46Yes, thank you very much, sir.
00:59:47Are you feeling all right?
00:59:50Why'd you ask that?
00:59:51Well, I don't know.
00:59:52It's probably the light, sir,
00:59:54but it did seem to have a strange colour.
00:59:58I think it's the light, though.
00:59:59Good night, Mr.
01:00:00Martin, as a matter of fact, I wasn't feeling very well.
01:00:03Do you think I ought to see a doctor?
01:00:05Oh, I wouldn't do that, sir.
01:00:07The poor men have got their hands full with this diphtheria epidemic.
01:00:11Diphtheria epidemic?
01:00:12Yes, sir.
01:00:13There's a lot of it about, you know.
01:00:14Well, good night.
01:00:16Oh, just a moment.
01:00:16Martin, please.
01:00:17What are the symptoms?
01:00:20Well, sir, I do understand from some people
01:00:23that those who have it seem to complain
01:00:26of a dryness of the throat
01:00:27and the emulsion of the legs.
01:00:31Of course, the trouble is the poor deers
01:00:33don't know they've got it
01:00:33and will insist on gadding about.
01:00:35And if they only knew the truth of it,
01:00:37they're a few hours from their grave.
01:00:40Well, good night to you, sir.
01:00:42Yes, sir.
01:00:42Good night.
01:00:52Good night.
01:01:05I don't know.
01:01:35I don't know.
01:02:05Are you feeling any better?
01:02:07Well, for Pete's sake, what are you doing here?
01:02:10I want to talk to you.
01:02:13I've got a message.
01:02:14From whom?
01:02:16From somebody you were expecting.
01:02:20Can we go up?
01:02:28Hi there.
01:02:29Good evening, Mrs. Barrows.
01:02:30How are you?
01:02:31Just fine.
01:02:32How is yourself?
01:02:33Fine, thanks.
01:02:34Just letting Sally take me for a walk.
01:02:35Good night.
01:02:36Good night.
01:02:37Well, have a nice walk.
01:02:38Oh, this is Mr.
01:02:39Good night.
01:02:43What are you up to?
01:02:48I didn't want you to mention my name.
01:02:51Why not?
01:02:52What's the matter with it?
01:02:53Oh, no.
01:02:54I was thinking of your reputation.
01:02:55I mean, what would you think, inviting men into your flat?
01:02:59Well, nobody's invited you.
01:03:01However, now that you're here, what's the message?
01:03:03Uh, Mr. MacPherson, he asked me to tell you something, but I can't quite remember what it was.
01:03:12Well, I'll be...
01:03:15Hey...
01:03:17Is something wrong with you?
01:03:19Uh, yes.
01:03:21I've got a bit of a chill.
01:03:22I'll be all right presently.
01:03:24Oh, well, I'll get you something for that.
01:03:27And please, try to remember what the message was.
01:03:42A little nip would do you good, but I forgot you don't...
01:04:06Oh, you do drink.
01:04:08Yes, I...
01:04:09I never go anywhere without a bottle.
01:04:12Well, what do you know?
01:04:14Uh, would you like to have a cigarette?
01:04:18Uh, no thanks.
01:04:19I smoke only filter tips.
01:04:21Oh, that's handy.
01:04:23Look, Mr. Martin, I don't quite get this.
01:04:26What is the message you had for me?
01:04:29Uh, well, it was, uh, Mr. MacPherson.
01:04:32Uh, he said that, uh, he was feeling poorly,
01:04:35and, uh, that he wouldn't be around to see you,
01:04:38but that he would go straight home to bed.
01:04:41And Mr. MacPherson sent you around here to tell me that.
01:04:45Oh, come off it, Mr. Martin, now what is this?
01:04:48You live by yourself, don't you?
01:04:54Gets pretty lonely sometimes, I expect.
01:04:58I believe you came around here just to see me.
01:05:03Isn't that it?
01:05:04Yes, uh, that is just how it was.
01:05:10That's why you asked me the other day what I did with my evenings.
01:05:13Oh, well, I think that's real cute.
01:05:17Well, now that you're here, you might as well have a drink.
01:05:20Oh, no, can't have you drinking your liquor in my house.
01:05:23You must drink mine.
01:05:25You must drink mine.
01:05:27Why? What's so special about yours?
01:05:29Is it poisoned?
01:05:30Oh, no, no.
01:05:32That was just a little joke.
01:05:34Well, make yourself comfortable. Take your hat off.
01:05:36I never take my hat off in the house.
01:05:39Uh, well, all right, you just sit there and I'll bring you a drink.
01:06:00What are you doing out there, Samson? Breaking up the house?
01:06:06Come in and help me.
01:06:08Coming.
01:06:15Samson!
01:06:19Oh, come here.
01:06:20Look, will you get that bottle of whiskey down from up there?
01:06:22Yes.
01:06:24I put it up there out of reach for the cleaners.
01:06:26You know what they are.
01:06:27I don't think they really mean to steal,
01:06:29but when they see it in front of them, the temptation's too great.
01:06:33Now, let me see.
01:06:37Ah, there we are. Thank you.
01:06:38Now, would you like to get some ice out of the fridge for me?
01:06:41Yes. Yes.
01:06:46Here, you'll need this.
01:06:48Those trays get stuck.
01:06:49Just stab that underneath the trays and they'll come loose all right.
01:06:52Well, what are you waiting for? Start stabbing!
01:07:00How are you getting on?
01:07:01Coming out?
01:07:02Ah, there's my little boy scout.
01:07:06Oh, and this.
01:07:11That's right.
01:07:12That goes in here.
01:07:14That's right.
01:07:15So, you're a secret drinker, eh?
01:07:18Well, well.
01:07:20Stillwaters, that's your name from now on.
01:07:23Say when.
01:07:28Don't you ever say when.
01:07:30No.
01:07:33Say, you weren't kidding when you said that about drinking.
01:07:37Come on, Stillwaters.
01:07:41Come on, Stillwaters.
01:07:46Come on, Stillwaters.
01:07:48No secret drinking in this house.
01:07:49Bring it in here.
01:07:50I was trying to.
01:07:52I'll just get my drink and follow you right in.
01:07:56All right.
01:08:00Now, sit down.
01:08:02And relax.
01:08:03And take that coat off.
01:08:04You must be hot.
01:08:05Well, I'll be right back.
01:08:08Well, Robert, if the thermometer says you're normal, I expect you are normal.
01:08:10Are you coming around to see me?
01:08:11Well, Robert, if the thermometer says you're normal, I expect you are normal.
01:08:15Are you coming around to see me?
01:08:16Well, as I say, I don't like to risk it.
01:08:17I mean, the doctor's just been.
01:08:18He didn't seem to know much about it.
01:08:19He didn't think it was diphtheria, but...
01:08:20Diphtheria?
01:08:21Diphtheria?
01:08:22Oh, Robert, now you are imagining things.
01:08:23Oh, Robert, now you are imagining things.
01:08:24Get into that little old car of yours and come on around.
01:08:26Well, I don't really like to, dear.
01:08:27It's been rather a shock.
01:08:28Well, yes, of course it was a shock.
01:08:29I'm just sorry you can't come, that's all.
01:08:30Well, I'm sorry.
01:08:31I'm sorry.
01:08:32Well, I'm sorry.
01:08:33If the thermometer says you're normal, I expect you are normal.
01:08:36Are you coming around to see me?
01:08:37Well, as I say, I don't like to risk it.
01:08:39I mean, the doctor's just been.
01:08:40He didn't seem to know much about it.
01:08:42He didn't think it was diphtheria, but...
01:08:44Diphtheria?
01:08:45Oh, Robert, now you are imagining things.
01:08:47Get into that little old car of yours and come on around.
01:08:50Well, I don't really like to, dear. It's been rather a shock, you know.
01:08:53Well, yes, of course it was a shock. I'm just sorry you can't come, that's all.
01:08:57I had a surprise for you. A visitor. A gentleman visitor.
01:09:01However, you just stay where you are if you're feeling groggy.
01:09:05I expect you've been working too hard.
01:09:11He's a bit late, isn't he?
01:09:20Still waters, now what are you doing?
01:09:39Teddy, boy, don't go falling out.
01:09:44Well, now, come and sit down and tell me all your problems.
01:09:48There's a poor wee cat stranded on the ledge out here.
01:09:51Yes, well, that's his worry, not yours.
01:09:54Pussy, pussy. Come on, pussy.
01:09:58Oh, for heaven's sake. Where is the silly animal? I'll get rid of it.
01:10:04Just stranded on the ledge down there.
01:10:07Where? I don't see any cat.
01:10:09On the left. You'll need to get up onto the ledge to see it.
01:10:13Oh, there's nothing down there.
01:10:15Now, hold onto your legs, don't worry.
01:10:17Well, where? Where's the cat? Pussy?
01:10:19You see it, Mrs. Butler.
01:10:20No, I can't see any cat.
01:10:24Well, you will do now.
01:10:26You must have had a few before you came. There's no cat down there.
01:10:33Hey, where are you going?
01:10:34I'm very sorry, Mrs. Barrows. I've made the most terrible mistake.
01:10:40You see, when I came here tonight, I meant...
01:10:41Well, I know what you meant, you silly boy. I'm not offended.
01:10:45Come on, here, here, come on.
01:10:46I can finish your drink.
01:10:47Well, I know what you meant, you silly boy. I'm not offended.
01:10:48Come on, here, here, come on.
01:10:49Back and finish your drink.
01:10:50Well, well.
01:10:51Mr. Martin, drinking, smoking, and being a lady.
01:10:55What would they think at the office if I told them?
01:10:56I don't think they'd believe you.
01:10:57What would they think at the office if I told them?
01:10:58I don't think they'd believe you.
01:10:59Well, Mr. Martin, drinking, smoking, and being a lady killer.
01:11:00What would they think at the office if I told them?
01:11:01I don't think they'd believe you.
01:11:02You're darn right they wouldn't believe me.
01:11:03They think I was imagining things, like you seeing that cat that wasn't there.
01:11:04You see, when I came here tonight, I meant...
01:11:05I know what you meant, you silly boy. I'm not offended.
01:11:10Come on, here, here, come on. Back and finish your drink.
01:11:14Well, well. Mr. Martin, drinking, smoking, and being a lady killer, what would they think at the office if I told them?
01:11:23I don't think they'd believe you.
01:11:24You're darn right they wouldn't believe me.
01:11:27They'd think I was imagining things, like you seeing that cat that wasn't there.
01:11:31They'd think I was out of my mind.
01:11:34Yes.
01:11:36They would think that you were out of your mind.
01:11:39Little men in white coats would come for me. I'd be put away.
01:11:47Oh, you never fooled me for a minute, Mr. Martin.
01:11:50There's no such thing as a man with no vices.
01:11:54Oh, do take off your gloves.
01:11:56No, no.
01:11:57Well, really, you are.
01:12:02I'm going to drink a toast, Mrs. Barrows.
01:12:04A toast?
01:12:05Aye, a toast.
01:12:08Damnation to that fat, overfed buzzard, Puffing Billy Bunter.
01:12:14Who?
01:12:16We, MacPherson.
01:12:17Are you speaking of poor Robert? Really, Mr. Martin?
01:12:21I'm preparing a bomb that'll blow that fat fool sky high.
01:12:26Mr. Martin, you are drunk. You'd better go. If Mr. MacPherson could hear you...
01:12:30There are ways of shutting a man's mouth, Mrs. Barrows.
01:12:33Have you gone mad?
01:12:34No, not mad.
01:12:35Doped.
01:12:36Doped?
01:12:37Aye, I'm a drug addict.
01:12:39I'm...
01:12:40I'm gonna murder that fellow.
01:12:41And when I do, I'll be...
01:12:43Doped to the girls with coke.
01:12:45And then we'll have the house of MacPherson, you and I together.
01:12:48We'll have each other.
01:12:49You, come here, you little naughty darling.
01:12:53My God, you're crazy!
01:12:57Robert!
01:12:58Who is it?
01:12:59Help!
01:13:00Robert!
01:13:01Quick!
01:13:02Quick, Robert, hurry!
01:13:03Robert!
01:13:05Well, I rang the right bell that time.
01:13:07Oh, Robert, I'm so glad you've come.
01:13:08He's upstairs.
01:13:09He's drunk.
01:13:10He's going to kill you.
01:13:11Who's gonna kill me?
01:13:12Mr. Martin.
01:13:13Martin?
01:13:14No, no, no.
01:13:15He's drunk!
01:13:18Sorry, there's no time to move.
01:13:20Don't push me out.
01:13:26Where?
01:13:27He's hiding.
01:13:28The car's rushing out.
01:13:30Must have imagined it.
01:13:31Imagined nothing.
01:13:32He was normal and then suddenly...
01:13:34And I even trusted him with a carving knife.
01:13:36In the bedroom.
01:13:37What was he doing with a carving knife?
01:13:39He'd say forget the knife and help me find him.
01:13:41He must be here.
01:13:42He's behind me.
01:13:43Mr. Martin!
01:13:44He's in the cupboard.
01:13:45That's where he is.
01:13:46I don't understand, Angela.
01:13:47If he wants to kill me, what's he doing in your cupboard?
01:13:48Never mind what he's doing.
01:13:49He's there.
01:13:50The little rat on his mouth.
01:13:51This.
01:13:52This.
01:13:53Angela!
01:13:54What?
01:13:55What?
01:13:56The bed.
01:13:57She's under the bed.
01:13:58Angela, where is it?
01:13:59She's so undignified.
01:14:00Are you afraid?
01:14:01No, certainly not.
01:14:02No, certainly not.
01:14:03Conceive yourself in absolutely nothing there.
01:14:04Come back.
01:14:05Come back.
01:14:06The cupboard.
01:14:07Now, come out, you son of a...
01:14:08Oh dear.
01:14:24Oh, the cupboard.
01:14:33Now, come out, you son of a...
01:14:37Oh, dear.
01:14:44Oh, but you're so helpless.
01:14:46If only there were a man here.
01:14:48Quite right, dear. Quite right.
01:14:54Oh, my God.
01:15:24Yes, yes, I quite understand.
01:15:32I hope you didn't mind my ringing you, Dr. Fitch.
01:15:35Oh, yes, most distressing.
01:15:37We employers have a personal responsibility for our staff.
01:15:51This is Mr. Martin speaking.
01:15:54Martin, old chap.
01:15:55Step into my office right away, will you?
01:15:58Yes, Mr. MacPherson.
01:15:59I'll come over straight away.
01:16:00Well, have you fired him yet?
01:16:13Now, please, Angie, Martin's on his way over here.
01:16:15Is he?
01:16:15Well, have you notified the police?
01:16:16The police?
01:16:17We don't want to get involved with the police, do we?
01:16:19Well, then, we must send for a doctor.
01:16:20No, I've talked to the doctor.
01:16:22He's standing by.
01:16:23Oh, he is.
01:16:23That'll be Martin now.
01:16:24Stay where you are, Martin.
01:16:25He mustn't see you.
01:16:26Come out this way.
01:16:27Well, I shall be listening.
01:16:30Don't you let that zombie fool you.
01:16:32Remember, he must be put away.
01:16:33Oh, it's you, Martin.
01:16:36Won't you come in?
01:16:37Good morning, sir.
01:16:38Good morning, Martin.
01:16:43Won't you sit down, Martin, over here?
01:16:45Feeling better this morning, Mr. MacPherson?
01:16:48Yes.
01:16:48Oh, yes, thank you.
01:16:49I'm, uh, I'm quite recovered.
01:16:59Oh, uh, you know that I never smoke, Mr. MacPherson.
01:17:03Oh, how stupid of me.
01:17:04After all these years with the firm, I ought to have remembered that.
01:17:07How many years is it, Martin?
01:17:09It's 35, sir, next Michaelmas day.
01:17:12And during all that time, you've never smoked a cigarette or had a drink, eh?
01:17:16Your late father, sir, on his deathbed, offered me a drum, but I had to refuse it.
01:17:24So last night, if you had had a drink and taken a cigarette, that would have been for the first time?
01:17:30It would have been, sir, yes.
01:17:34Martin, last night when you went to Mrs. Barrow's apartment, it was simply to deliver my message, wasn't it?
01:17:42Your message, sir?
01:17:43What, my cold?
01:17:46I'm afraid I don't understand you, sir.
01:17:49No, I didn't suppose you would.
01:17:52All right, Martin, you can go.
01:17:54Oh, no, you can't.
01:17:56You're going to tell Mr. MacPherson...
01:17:57No, no, please, leave this to me.
01:17:58Please, Mrs. Barrow's has been working rather too hard lately, and she's got it into my head that she went to her apartment last night and behaved in a rather disgraceful manner.
01:18:05It's quite ridiculous.
01:18:06Sure, sir, if there's something I could...
01:18:07No, no, thank you so much, Martin, you may go.
01:18:09Oh, you lying rat, you tell him what you did last night.
01:18:13He was drinking, he had his own bottle, he was drinking and smoking his own cigarette.
01:18:18Quite impossible, dear.
01:18:19All the cigarette ends had lipstick on them.
01:18:21There was only one glass and that had lipstick on it, too.
01:18:23Let's thank you so much, Martin.
01:18:24Oh, for heaven's sake, ask Mr. White.
01:18:27Mr. White saw him.
01:18:28Who's Mr. White?
01:18:29The blind man.
01:18:30What?
01:18:30Well, I mean, he would have seen him.
01:18:32His dog sniffed at his trousers.
01:18:33I have no dog.
01:18:34I mean, Mr. White's dog.
01:18:35Don't listen to him, Robert.
01:18:37You mean, Martin was seen by a blind dog?
01:18:39No.
01:18:41Listen to me, Robert.
01:18:43Last night, he was drinking some scotch called Old Acquaintance.
01:18:47He had his gloves on, and when you came in, he was making a pass at me.
01:18:52Making a pass at you with his gloves on?
01:18:54Oh, how can you be so, gosh darn stupid?
01:18:57He's going to murder you.
01:18:59He's going to take over the house of McPherson.
01:19:01He's going to get caught to the gills and kill you.
01:19:05Listen, Graham, we're proud.
01:19:06He had at once help.
01:19:07Don't believe me.
01:19:08How stupid can you be?
01:19:10As for you, if you weren't such a drab, ordinary little man, I think you'd planned this all.
01:19:16How can you believe him?
01:19:17You're mad.
01:19:19You're crazy.
01:19:20Crazy.
01:19:20You, you, you, bagpipes.
01:19:25Mrs. Berthos, I beg you to control yourself.
01:19:27You're overwrought.
01:19:28I've discussed your condition with Dr. Fitch.
01:19:31He tells me such breakdowns are perfectly common with women who undertake the, the burden of business life.
01:19:36Oh, I'll give you business life.
01:19:41I'll give you your...
01:19:42Come, come, come, I should defend myself.
01:19:44Well done, well done, everybody.
01:19:45Will you see your...
01:19:46Oh, put me down.
01:19:51I've never been treated like this before in my life.
01:19:53You'll regret this, Robert.
01:19:55Wait till I get my lawyer onto this.
01:19:58Help!
01:19:59Will somebody please help?
01:20:01Oh, I'm sorry this had to happen, Martin.
01:20:08Most distressing.
01:20:09Most distressing for all concerned.
01:20:12I'm afraid Mrs. Barrow's usefulness in this office is at an end.
01:20:17I hope you'll dismiss the whole thing from your mind.
01:20:20I will, thank you very much.
01:20:24Answer it, will you?
01:20:25I don't feel at all well.
01:20:26Hello, this is Mr. Macpherson's office speaking.
01:20:32Who is that, please?
01:20:35Oh, would you mind remaining connected for a moment, sir?
01:20:40Mr. Macpherson, he's the editor of the Scottish Daily Chronicle.
01:20:44He'd like to have a few words with him.
01:20:46I suppose we must carry on.
01:20:48Men must work while women must weep.
01:20:50Hello, Macpherson here.
01:20:52Sir, who said I was going in for synthetic fibre?
01:20:58Why should I?
01:20:59Just answer me that.
01:21:01Nothing but a damn silly rumour.
01:21:04You can take the facts from me, sir.
01:21:06I am in the...
01:21:07Where am I?
01:21:11The catbird seat, sir.
01:21:13I'm in the catbird seat.
01:21:15No, I don't know where it is either, but that's what I'm in.
01:21:19Thank you, Martin.
01:21:21That'll be all.
01:21:22Thank you, sir.
01:21:46Oh, it's you.
01:21:47Oh, it's you.
01:21:52Oh, it's you.
01:21:55Here.
01:21:56There is no need to use violence.
01:21:59There is many a battle been won without even striking a blow.
01:22:04What deck are you?
01:22:06Sure, right.
01:22:07The battle of the sexes can never a ceasefire.
01:22:32You see, Mr. Martin hasn't reckoned with man's greatest hazard, a woman's tears.
01:22:52Put it another way.
01:22:54Mr. Martin has won a battle, but has he won the war?
01:22:59Ah, well, that's the way it goes.
01:23:04That's life.
01:23:06Happy days, Mr. Martin.
01:23:10But watch out.
01:23:11Oh, my God.
01:23:25Let's go.
01:23:25μ΄μ¦Γ , going.
01:23:26I don't know.
01:23:29Let's go.
01:23:29γγ§
01:23:32ΒΆΒΆ
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