- 6 weeks ago
In which Steve gives us a wry viewpoint on the ins and outs of modern day life.
Category
🎵
MusicTranscript
00:00There is delicious cake for sale this afternoon. We've got coffee and walnut, what looks like a beautiful chocolate fudge cake and chocolate brownies over there. Just ask the lovely people behind the bar, that's Scott and Jessie over there. We're friendly and lovely Scott and Jessie. And there's toasties available I think, aren't there guys as well. So they've got you sorted. They've got you absolutely sorted for the day.
00:24And thank you so much to Guy for that set. That was really cool. Thank you for playing We Are Not Washington. These are guitars, they are cars. Yeah, We Are Not Washington.
00:39I could be our understudy. Next up we've got Steve aka Pilot Scheme and I've been working with Steve as vocal coach and artist development for a few years. How old do you reckon we've been working together?
00:55Decades. Decades, I'm not even that old, it can't possibly be. And yeah, and Steve's gone from singing cover versions to writing his own material and now having his own fully fledged act which he goes out and throughout Bristol and he's even got his own fans and videographer here. It's a sky with his video camera which is pretty cool isn't it? I want a videographer to follow me around.
01:22Welcome video chum.
01:25So yeah, Steve is Pilot Scheme, this is his act. It's funny, it's political, it's at times, it's thought provoking. Sort of.
01:38Yeah. And I've done a few interviews with Steve which is always a lot of fun. Do you think you're ready to go, my friend?
01:46I think so.
01:48Yeah.
01:49Okay, can we give a really warm welcome to Pilot Scheme?
01:52Hello, this first song is about bedroom talk so if you have a delicate disposition close your ears or chop them off or just open them. Anyway, here goes.
02:12Let's do this.
02:14Let's do this.
02:40Let's do this.
02:44Yeah.
02:45You lick your lip a bit, your animal sigh and let you moan it bed.
02:56I can't stand tea dates, your boss is a prick. Sometimes I think you're really thin.
03:05You used to be much nicer than most of the world. I'm the gutter. I hate what you've done to British butter.
03:22At my pride, my pride in place, you moan it bed and you sigh.
03:28You hate what they've done, however you want to look criminal.
03:35You hate those in charge, their actions are so cynical.
03:47You need a house in Stratford, just to watch Macbeth.
03:52You need a lab-a-doodle and cheese to death.
03:56Your bucket, this is what's bigger than mine.
04:00And all you do is reach and you're mine.
04:04And why can't you be like the man in the garage?
04:09And why can't you be like Nigel Farage of Kitterfield?
04:15And I'm feeling the dream of me.
04:21And it could just make me mind that we should be kissing.
04:26Don't moan it bed.
04:30Your face is boiling, bright red and good-crisp.
04:34Don't moan it bed.
04:38You blow up your nose.
04:41Time to sleep.
04:43Close your eyes, breathe deep.
04:48But you choose the moan in bed instead.
04:50And this is how it sang.
04:56My boss, if you think this is so fucking clever, he said.
04:59My one's so smart, she's got three degrees.
05:02And I said to him, yeah, I've got them all there.
05:04Old ones too, mate.
05:06Morning bed
05:14In good-crisp, every morning bed, we should be kissing.
05:19Oh, morning bed
05:22Your face is boiling, bright red and good-crisp,
05:27oh, morning bed
05:31Pub of the palace
05:33Directory Street
05:35Close your eyes, breathe in
05:39Come up the billows, hide to sleep
05:44Close your eyes, breathe in
05:47The morning bed, my love
05:50The morning bed
05:53Let's take a chance, we'll learn to dance
05:57We'll hold your hand, we'll make a stand
06:02The morning bed, my love
06:06Never settle down
06:30Cause the pain will shimmer through
06:36Never settle down
06:42Pain will shimmer through
06:48Pain is always there
06:52So take them, my room, who lights up
06:58Shine those love beams
07:04A legend
07:22A legend
07:24Rates in front, he says he is wild
07:28The small print
07:32Getting too close his mindset
07:36Gotta be mild
07:38Daybreak
07:40Should he dazzle
07:42Should he hide
07:44Strategic
07:46He'll never show you
07:50What's inside
07:52Daybreak
07:54Daybreak
07:56Nice new party
07:58Nice huge party
08:00Donning
08:02Play the game of
08:06What's my body
08:08Boy, girl
08:10Play the game of
08:12Play the part
08:14Strategic
08:16Strategic
08:18Greatest
08:21Greatest
08:22Fine
08:23But
08:24Never meet his heart
08:26Mr. Moonlight
08:27Never settle down
08:28Because
08:30The pain will shimmer through
08:32So take the money
08:36Moonlight
08:37To
08:38Shine
08:39Those
08:40Love
08:41Beats
08:42Moonlight
08:43When you dance
08:44Moonlight
08:45When you dance
08:46You're always in disguise
08:48You're always in disguise
08:49You're always
08:52You're always
08:53You're never quite that time
08:54But
08:56Look
08:56The many eyes
08:58Moonlight
09:00See how it goes
09:02Shining
09:04Light
09:05Your twinkle
09:06toes
09:07See them
09:08Dressed
09:09In leather
09:10Place
09:11And
09:12Your beige
09:13Lurks
09:14Out
09:15Of
09:16Place
09:17Eyes
09:18Down
09:19To
09:20The
09:21Last
09:22Dance
09:23Fixed
09:24In
09:25Inner
09:26Trance
09:27Keep your
09:28Dark side
09:29Of
09:30The
09:31Moon
09:32Wrap
09:33In
09:34Your own
09:35Tagoon
09:36Never settle down
09:37Because
09:38The pain
09:39Is
09:40A
09:41Friend
09:42So take the money
09:43Moonlight
09:44To
09:45Shine
09:46Those
09:47Love
09:48Beats
09:49Moonlight
09:50When you dance
09:52You're always in disguise
09:54You're always in disguise
09:56You're always filled
09:59You're never quite that tight
10:01Don't
10:03They
10:04Eyes
10:05Moonlight
10:06Moonlight
10:20When you put a bandless stars
10:23Moonlight
10:24Look up and the stars
10:25Moonlight
10:26Moonlight
10:27Moonlight
10:28Oh
10:28Moonlight
10:29Look up on the stars
10:30Moonlight
10:31Moonlight
10:32Look up at the stars, moonlight
10:36Look up at the stars, be kind
10:42Sunrise, moonlight fades
10:46Sunrise, moonlight fades
10:50Sunrise, moonlight fades, be kind
10:56Look up, meet their gaze
11:02Sunrise, moonlight fades
11:06Sunrise, moonlight fades, be kind
11:14Mr. Moonlight, it's time to shine
11:18A little kindness on yourself
11:26Look up, meet their gaze
11:34Sunrise, moonlight fades
11:38Sunrise, moonlight fades, be kind
11:44Mr. Moonlight, it's time to shine a little kindness on yourself
11:54Look up, meet their gaze
11:58Sunrise, moonlight fades, be kind
12:00Moonlight, it's time to shine a little kindness on yourself
12:06Look up, meet their gaze
12:10Sunrise, moonlight fades, be kind
12:16Oh, be kind
12:22Thank you very much
12:24Hey Will
12:26Welcome Mindy Musicers
12:28And non-Mindy Musicers
12:30Now, including some very talented musicians
12:34David here
12:36Greetings
12:38I mean, Bram here
12:40Greetings
12:42Would you mind if I tell them about
12:44Your royalty
12:46Yeah
12:48Biomed, well I have basically
12:50Anyway, yeah
12:52So we did a bus yesterday
12:54Bram has a fantastic singing voice by the way
12:56And we went to Tesco
12:58On the Harbourside
13:00Gave a snack in between
13:02Doing a sponsor bus
13:04And he's a royal
13:06And then he had a meal ago
13:08They gave him a sandwich made from swan
13:10Basically, that's how
13:12Did they? No? Okay, alright
13:14Anyway, right
13:16It's the world keeping over number
13:18Right, so
13:20Yeah, Pilot Scheme
13:22It's the name of Matt
13:23It's the name of my song
13:24And it's co-written with Gerry
13:25Here
13:26Oh I know, this is named
13:27Gerard
13:28On the um
13:30On the antenna
13:31Who knows what
13:32Can't be you
13:34Anyway
13:35So this song is called
13:36Pilot Scheme
13:38Life has dealt me
13:43The strangest hand
13:45I'm gonna bury my head
13:47In a box of sand
13:49I don't wanna face it
13:51I don't wanna fax
13:53I need to find me
13:55A mental cody sack
13:57I know how it is
13:59When the cage bird sings
14:01Gonna commune
14:02With that tiny lid
14:04Simple truth
14:06Not several wonders
14:08Weather overcast
14:09And not the thunder
14:11I'm thinking about my life
14:13I'm thinking about the place I'm in
14:17I'm thinking about my safety
14:20I'm drawing out my pilot scheme
14:23Out of my news
14:25I've got a small scale
14:27My 24-7
14:28It's all hell
14:30In my behaviour
14:31All in life
14:32Experiment
14:33Tying
14:34Ain't so quite
14:36Do less
14:37To succeed
14:38Simplicity
14:40Is all I need
14:42Doggone
14:43It's remarkable
14:44No complication
14:46That's my style
14:48No rubber dress
14:49With tall comparer
14:50And one thing rule
14:51Not your hot clam chowder
14:53No master chef
14:55With spoof-a-loody
14:56No Michelin star
14:58Tootie-frutie
14:59Cut the nukes
15:00Cut connection
15:02I wanna stand
15:03In your damn election
15:05I'm happy with my bunker
15:06And I'm here with my clan
15:08I like my porn addiction
15:09And my dishpan
15:10What do you want?
15:13I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:16How do you want it?
15:18I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:20How do you want it?
15:21I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:22How do you want it?
15:23I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:25Well, what do you want it?
15:26I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:27Well, what do you want it?
15:29I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:30I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:31I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:32I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:33I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:34I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:35I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:36I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:37I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:38I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:39I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:40I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:41I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:42I'm drawing up my pilot scheme
15:43My father's Eve is just a dream.
15:50Thank you very much.
15:51Anyone here been reincarnated?
15:54Yeah.
15:54Yeah, fantastic.
15:55What were you in the previous life?
15:57I'm a Tory, Alex and Rick's guy like everyone else.
15:59A what?
16:00Some Rick's dude like everyone.
16:02Yes.
16:02You're reincarnated, yeah.
16:04You're reincarnated, right.
16:05Nothing, you know, nothing grand like a great,
16:08the builder of a great pyramid of kiosks.
16:10My birthday, I did something cool.
16:11Yes, sir.
16:12People who have reincarnated,
16:13they will never have reincarnated
16:14loss of justice or anything like that.
16:17Oh, it's something glamorous, isn't it?
16:19What time is a goat?
16:21A goat?
16:22A goat?
16:23Oh, that's fantastic.
16:25Goats are lovely animals.
16:27Anyway, so you'll find if you reincarnate,
16:30it just certainly screws up your bucket list
16:32because you get the end of your bucket list
16:34and it will never be satisfied, basically.
16:37Me, however, I have got a huge bucket list.
16:40In fact, my bucket list
16:43is bigger than yours.
16:52Twiddle amongst yourselves.
16:53Oh, peace, give me Elgin,
17:10off of booze, back to Greece.
17:15Make toilet, dollies for my niece.
17:18Find a cure for all this and metal,
17:24pardon for all this.
17:28Walk on hard calls, squash chores.
17:34Dance like Fred is dead
17:36and act without care.
17:39My bucket list is bigger than yours.
17:43My bucket list is bigger than yours.
17:46Start a business selling tie-dye,
17:50all other jeans.
17:53For me, I'll make men who want to
17:56act like teens.
17:59My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:01My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:03My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:04My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:05Kiss the hand of Van Halen,
18:07buy a coffee shop in Salem.
18:10Start a pipe in movie films.
18:14Act just like a hero.
18:16I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:18I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:20I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:21I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:22I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:23I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:24I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:25I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:26I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:27I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:28I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:29I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:30I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:31I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:32I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:33I put my hand in my leather jeans.
18:34My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:35My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:36My bucket list is bigger than yours.
18:37My bucket list, my bucket list,
18:38my bucket list,
18:46I list up my fridge in every corner of the house I live
18:50No matter how to turn and twist
18:53I gotta fill up my bucket list
18:57You, I bet your bucket list is tiny
19:01Yeah, yeah, it's small
19:04Mine's huge, yeah
19:10Swimney I gotta look
19:12I love Barrier Week
19:14All the way back
19:16Keep all your grief
19:18And comb your teeth
19:19All the way back
19:22Do something kinky
19:24And another bar
19:26In Helsinki
19:28My bucket list is bigger than yours
19:31My bucket list is bigger than yours
19:34My bucket list is my bucket list is my bucket list
19:38My bucket list is bigger than yours
19:41I've got a list of my phone
19:43A list of my fridge in every corner of the house I live
19:47No matter how to turn and twist
19:50I gotta fill up my bucket list
19:54Swim every ocean
19:56Walk on the zip line
19:58Drive a really fancy Aston Martin
20:02Sing at the South Bank Club
20:04Yeah
20:05With lovely people remind your music
20:08My bucket list is bigger than yours
20:12Anyone else got a bit of an item?
20:13I've got a list of my bucket list
20:14I've been working for the song
20:15I've probably had about 15 seconds later
20:17What was yours get?
20:18I've got a list of my phone
20:20I've got a list of my phone
20:21I've got a list of my phone
20:22I've got a list of my fridge in every corner of the house I live
20:26No matter how to turn and twist
20:28I've got a fill up
20:30I've got a fill up
20:32My bucket list is bigger than yours
20:34How it's huge
20:36Enormous
20:38But the answer is
20:40Too big
20:42I've got a box
20:43You'll see
20:44I've got a list of my phone
20:45I've got a list of my fridge in every corner of the house I live
20:46No matter how to turn and twist
20:47I got a fill up
20:48I got a fill up
20:49My bucket list is bigger than yours
20:51My bucket list
20:52My bucket list
20:53My bucket list
20:54My bucket list
20:55My bucket list
20:56Oh, it's huge, enormous, like the answer of this song, the budget list, yeah, fantastic.
21:07Fantastic, so I've got a few songs on the go, I'm starting to write, so I've got some
21:15song titles, so I want you to tell me, maybe give me some advice on what I should write
21:19next, so I'm going to bring out a few song titles, see what you think.
21:23Tango of decline, tickle to my toes, you Frankenstein, insect of love, insect of love, okay, complicate
21:36me, yeah, humans take your fingers from your bone, all right, okay, hi there, well that one
21:44I'm insect of love, I think basically, so I'm going to do a little, I'll finish with a little
21:49sort of trilogy of things, and the, there's two songs and there's a spoken section in
21:58the middle, and the spoken section was, I thought it was in one of these two books, it was intended
22:07for one of these, but it was slightly too long. These books are books of poetry and short stories,
22:15which were published by Mindy Music and Stepping Out, which is like a sort of companion
22:21organisation to Mindy Music, and they are available here, and they're on sale, give what you want.
22:30Yeah, give what you want. Yeah, so basically, so if you want a copy of this, let's say I know.
22:38And during kind of like lockdown, when we couldn't get together, there were lots of things which
22:45were run by Stepping Out, which is a truly fantastic organisation, and it kind of sort of helped us
22:50through lockdown, we had Zoom meetings, we couldn't meet, we took to doing some spoken word, and the
23:00poetry books were one of those initiatives, so there's a kind of magic, I think, kind of in
23:06music, which helps a hill, and kind of helps make things feel that they're kind of alright, and
23:18anyone who's a member of Mindy Music knows about this, basically. I know the people who
23:25run it, the Serenalia, they're like alchemists. They're like, they channel us,
23:30bass metal, and kind of spew us out with gold notes.
23:36Thank you, Steve. Anyway.
23:38They're spewing you up to gold metal.
23:41I'm sorry, my mum.
23:54Through the airlock
24:16But you'll never have to breathe
24:19And your gear is zero G
24:21Through the airlock
24:24Undone down through outer space
24:26Through the airlock
24:29Where you do not feel the heat
24:32And your gear is zero G
24:34The dark sky is going to be your fuse
24:395, 4, 3, 2, 1
24:45Through the airlock
24:51Where you'll gear is zero G
24:52And you'll come to planet B
24:55Undone down through outer space
25:00Make my planet great again
25:05Make my planet great again
25:08Make my planet great again
25:105, 4, 3, 2, 1
25:15Sotia Pavlinov
25:185, 4, 3, 2, 1
25:20Sotia Pavlinov
25:23And I will build a great big force field
25:26From Mars to Venus
25:27And I'll make sure the Mars can pay for that force field
25:30And then I will add it to Uranus
25:32And then I will do a deal with that weekly captive curve from the Starship Federation
25:49And then I will do an even better deal with the King of the Klingons and his levitating gold paddies
25:57And then I will do an even better deal with the King of the Klingons and his levitating gold paddies
26:09And then I will do an even better deal with the King of the Klingons and his levitating gold paddies
26:17And then I will do an even better deal with the King of the Klingons and his levitating gold paddies
26:19From Park
26:30Antarctica
26:31January
26:32Cloud cover
26:33At 8.30 they swooped from the skies
26:36The ice creams that refused to melt
26:38First to parachute with the old guy
26:41Strawberries
26:42Bananas
26:43Raspberry Ripple
26:45The ones who bore flakes
26:46The second wave of ices
26:48with the hardened nut flavours, pecan, borna, pistachio, and then the special forces, salted
26:56caramel, lemon hibiscus, sarsaparillas and waffle cans, a few brave sorbets. They landed
27:04on frozen ground, unfurled their banners which read, time to chill, not to die, and I never
27:11felt I was born to melt. Throw the chutes into the ravines, said Gregory, no one will
27:17find them. Odette looked at Gregory, he was a classic magnum, masculine, chocolatey, a
27:25touch vanilla on the inside, a typical British wannabe general. She got close to him and saw
27:31her reflection in his dark brown chocolate coating. All we have to do, Gregory would say,
27:37is seize land, hunker down, and refrigerate ourselves on the ice pack. Even the simplest frozen
27:44yoghurt on a stick should recognise that. Odette was a frozen yoghurt on a stick, and she thought
27:50he was a patronising bastard. Why did he do this? They were meant to be without hierarchy,
27:57an international gathering of ice creams and sorbets, fleeing a warming planet, seeking
28:02sub-zero temperature solidarity. They didn't need a choc ice from walls with aspirations to
28:08office for class. For two years they made camp on the edge of the ravine, watching the humans
28:14mine through the ice. Twenty workers, and then two thousand, and then two hundred thousand,
28:20they created a town, extracted coal, mineral, oils, rare earths, and drove them away with
28:26trucks, sprayed with the slogan, drill, baby drill. They spoke in American, they spoke in Russian,
28:33they spoke in Chinese. Then one morning before dawn, the humans left, smashing equipment,
28:41discarding food and shredding documents. To the west, fires in the sky ranged the colour
28:47of tangerine. To the east, the flames rose in shapes like barbecued candied mushrooms, flavoured
28:54with ignition. They'd gone to war with each other, said Odette. I just pray they see sense.
29:00Gregory adjusted his wrapper and drew himself to full lolly stick height. We'll see. Let's
29:08hunker down. They hunkered and they bunkered. The Ben's in the Jerry's, the Nestle's and
29:13the Dairy Queen. All flavours in all nationalities, in sweet unity. Little cow from Karnovka, Dimshaws
29:20coffee, coconut ice from Ho Chi Minh City, and deep south hokey pokey pieces from New Zealand.
29:26The wind burned, the ice groaned and melted. A Twister Max was the first to die. And then
29:34a double 99 became a 45 and the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate melted. The frozen little
29:41children's lollies shook as the hairline cracks in the ice they lay on green. That sound, every
29:48night, creak, creak, creak, creak. Of the ice cream task force, only a few scraps of wrappers
29:57remained. The pearl of Calippo, the rib of Ribena Lolly, the um of Gregory Magnum. And then
30:04the trail of paper sank low water. And on the mainland, under flaming sky, techno monarchies
30:11rose with a new peasantry toiling on feudal strips of digital turf, which they manured with
30:20sanctimony and disinformation. And the techno monarchs ordained to lie about whomever you
30:26hate is not a lie. It is the truth. Antarctica. November. The ice had gone. The earth exposed.
30:34And then the prospectors returned and planted flags of nation renewed. And now, they drew
30:42deeper. And in the evenings, they laughed at the ridiculous, made-up tells of the ice cream
30:48warriors. Hokey pokey, ridiculous, wokey crap, they jeered. Just the stupid myth and a few scraps
30:55of wrapping paper and logos created by candy makers. Too weak. Too stupidly global. And too
31:03corrupt, to feast as men should. A fake news of ice cream wrappers left to perpetuate the
31:10idea that all had been lost when in fact everything had been made great again. Lest we forget.
31:33Captain Gregory of the 1st Battalion of Magnums. For your dedication, bravery and
31:55leadership when others would have crumbled, we salute you.
32:07Ben, Jerry, Twister, Max and the Calipo Kid. The cheeky rascals of the battalion. For the ultimate sacrifice you have made on this wasteland, we honour your memory and we give you.
32:14Our gratitude.
32:16Bratis and Rollies, before they fold your eyes for this.
32:17For your dedication, bravery and gratitude. For your dedication, bravery and leadership.
32:22For your dedication, bravery and leadership when others would have crumbled, we salute you.
32:27Ben, Jerry, Twister, Max and the Calipo Kid. The cheeky rascals of the battalion. For the ultimate sacrifice you have made on this wasteland, we honour your memory and we give our gratitude.
32:38gratitude. Rodina Mollis, before they told, your children rose on the steps of the Senate
32:47and declared, our mother and our father stand in our hearts, in our memories, and in the
32:54society of all that is good. We will never forget you.
32:59They laid the stand on this frozen land, of the drill, and the gun, and the flag.
33:23They laid the stand on the frozen land, of the drill, and the gun, and the flag.
33:53Final piece. The king of the techno-monarchs returned to the planet, stepped through the
34:02airlock, looked to this dominion, and thought it great. And those who had dared melted the
34:09realms of myth and conspiracy. The lollies that never were, the moon landing faked by Hollywood,
34:16the hurricanes created in a test tube, and the tom they lead, who is a fish. Thank you.
34:30Can we please hear it for Steve James, Pilot Scheme. The wonderful Pilot Scheme.
Recommended
1:00
|
Up next
1:02:14
16:13
57:08
22:19
1:28:53
15:24
13:49
17:59
Be the first to comment