00:00On the mark, mark, get set, we're riding on the internet, cyberspace, cybersets, interactive
00:13outside the window to the website, searching for reality, get online, get online, take
00:19a spit on the internet.
00:26Hey there, it's a-
00:28This is my brother, Peter.
00:30Mom and Dad, and I'm Shasha.
00:32Today, we're gonna be to the basics of the internet.
00:35It'll be cool.
00:36Now here's a little background.
00:37I got the whole family installed on our computer.
00:40It was a lot of work, but it was really worth it.
00:42Now that I've gotten on the internet, I'd rather be on my computer than doing a homework
00:47assignment.
00:48Which makes me happy, as I would sure like them to go to hell someday.
00:52Makes me happy.
00:53Having the internet in our home has had a great impact in our lives.
00:56Rich keeps up with the stock market, and our stock market, and our stock market, and
01:01our great market, and our Doc Martens market.
01:03And I haven't been able to get rich off ever since.
01:05Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:07So let's get, so let's get underway.
01:10Yeah.
01:11Take a date on the internet.
01:13Yeah.
01:14Come on in.
01:15Dad's just leaving, and Mom said we can have the computer all to ourselves.
01:23Hey Andrew, what's up?
01:28You make sure Dasha and Peter show you how they've done some of their school reports,
01:31and not all that psycho stuff, okay?
01:34See you later, kids.
01:35You're going surfing on the yellow net.
01:43Peter.
01:45Peter.
01:47Peter.
01:48Remember how Dad said we should start with the school reports first?
01:52That's true.
01:56Okay, guys.
01:57Hey, guys.
01:57The first thing that you need to know is that the internet is a maze, and it sounds complicated.
02:02Internet?
02:02What's that?
02:03What's a web page?
02:05And then there's email.
02:07Email?
02:07I heard that's really neat.
02:09Email?
02:10What's that?
02:11I'm not really sure what that is, so you better get an adult to help you with it.
02:15Yahoo, I've heard of that.
02:17So it's a search engine, right?
02:19Can we look at it?
02:20No.
02:20Let's start at the beginning.
02:22To get online, we need to type in our parents' address and credit card information.
02:30It connects you to the net through a high-speed line.
02:32Does your computer have a modem?
02:37I think so.
02:38Yeah, because I remember when Dad installed ours, he up all of our computer data.
02:42And then there was something about fragments or something?
02:44That's right.
02:44Dad had to defragment the disk, too.
02:48It should be pretty easy for you.
02:51And it only takes a few minutes until you're online.
02:54And we can do it ourselves?
02:56Yeah.
03:01Well, to get started, you'll need to get started.
03:03You do that through an internet slider.
03:07And then there was something about fragments or something?
03:09Sauce.
03:10Ha ha, very funny.
03:12Microsoft Radiant Explorer came with our computer.
03:16Or you can download the other crappy browser, Netscape Navigator.
03:20I used the World Wide Web to search the archives of the Smithsonian Museum a few weeks ago.
03:25I also had to pee.
03:28Want to write a letter to President Clinton?
03:31Our friends, Lisa and Andrew, came over today.
03:37Andrew, a penis.
03:39Is this like sending email?
03:41It is sending email.
03:42I'm not really sure what email is.
03:47But how do we even look up the White House?
03:50You type www.com.
03:51Okay.
03:58You're going surfing on the search engine.
04:01Wanna search for clunk clunk clunk clunk?
04:03Can we look at it?
04:04Sure.
04:04We just click on it and the next thing you know.
04:10Free screen savers.
04:13So that's how you get interconnected to the internet.
04:15Yeah.
04:16And the search engines will show us all the millions of pages of websites and chat lines
04:20and web chats and game sites and everything.
04:23Yeah.
04:24It's all right here at your fingertips.
04:27And then there's email.
04:30They got more stuff than you can imagine.
04:39This is one your dad will love.
04:41It's forno.com.
04:42I get wood real easily.
04:53Wood can be so hard.
04:55Yeah.
04:56Now that's amazing.
04:57Their curiosity for learning has skyrocketed.
05:01Is this like sex?
05:02It is sex.
05:03That's right.
05:04First mom had to get under dad.
05:06Dad had to open the hole and get her the dick.
05:09And then he came on her tits.
05:11Cool.
05:11So that's how you get connected to the internet.
05:13Yup.
05:14Yup.
05:14Yup.
05:15Yup.
05:16Don't they have chess games?
05:17Yeah.
05:18No.
05:19Wow, wow, wow.
05:20All the kids enjoy the tits.
05:21Yeah.
05:22You can even talk with people all over the world on chat lines.
05:25Look, I'll show you.
05:35Take Latinos on the internet.
05:38Now we can take this Ferrari and paste it right into Windows White.
05:41Into Windows, right into Windows, right into Windows, right.
05:44Now how much do you think Microsoft Windows is right?
05:46Don't answer.
05:48So where else can we go?
05:50There it is, Egypt.
05:55Amazing.
05:55It looks just like it does in our history books.
05:58Only it seems more real.
06:00Like we're there, there, there.
06:17Internet, internet, internet, internet, internet.
06:22Wow, wow, wow.
06:29How do our kids do as cyber teachers?
06:31We looked up school stuff.
06:33I can't go another day without the internet.
06:36Don't tell about the gay stuff.
06:40It's not just for boys.
06:41Anju, we can play interactive intercourse games on the net together.
06:45Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
06:50You're going surfing on the-
06:54Let's start with some important facts on Bons.
06:57But where did you get that?
07:01It's all right here at your fingertips.
07:03Look, I'll show you.
07:04One, two, three, two, one.
07:31But honey, did you know you could die on the internet?
07:33It's all right here.
07:34Ooh.
