- 2 hours ago
2DTV is a British animated comedy and satire series that originally aired on ITV from 2001 to 2004, gaining popularity for its hilarious political sketches, celebrity parodies, and sharp wit. Using fast-paced animation and clever humor, the show took aim at world leaders, pop stars, and cultural events of the early 2000s.
Season 2 (2002) expanded on the success of the first season, delivering even bolder jokes, more outrageous celebrity caricatures, and unforgettable sketches. Known for its clever political commentary and edgy animated style, 2DTV became a defining satire show for its era.
This full Season 2 compilation includes every episode from 2002, available now in Full HD. If you enjoy shows like Spitting Image, South Park, or Adult Swim-style satire, then 2DTV is perfect for you.
π Watch the complete season in HD now on CartoonLTV:
π https://www.dailymotion.com/CartoonLTV#2DTV #BritishCartoon #CartoonLTV #UKComedy #AnimatedSatire #BritishAnimation #CartoonFans #CartoonSeries #CartoonCommunity #CartoonWorld #CartoonStream #CartoonBuzz #CartoonLegends #CartoonChannel #CartoonAddict #CartoonLife #CartoonTime #CartoonForever #CartoonBlast #CartoonVault #CartoonCulture #CartoonHeroes #CartoonFandom #CartoonRewatch #CartoonKingdom #CartoonClassic #CartoonThrowback #CartoonEra #CartoonArchive #CartoonEntertainment #CartoonAddiction #BritishCartoons #CartoonUniverse #CartoonCommunityUK #CartoonUK #CartoonNostalgia #CartoonMagic #CartoonHistory #CartoonTrend #CartoonLovers #CartoonNation #CartoonJourney #CartoonLegacy #CartoonObsessed #CartoonGold #CartoonLegacyUK #CartoonHeritage #CartoonHumor #CartoonFullSeason #CartoonComplete
Season 2 (2002) expanded on the success of the first season, delivering even bolder jokes, more outrageous celebrity caricatures, and unforgettable sketches. Known for its clever political commentary and edgy animated style, 2DTV became a defining satire show for its era.
This full Season 2 compilation includes every episode from 2002, available now in Full HD. If you enjoy shows like Spitting Image, South Park, or Adult Swim-style satire, then 2DTV is perfect for you.
π Watch the complete season in HD now on CartoonLTV:
π https://www.dailymotion.com/CartoonLTV#2DTV #BritishCartoon #CartoonLTV #UKComedy #AnimatedSatire #BritishAnimation #CartoonFans #CartoonSeries #CartoonCommunity #CartoonWorld #CartoonStream #CartoonBuzz #CartoonLegends #CartoonChannel #CartoonAddict #CartoonLife #CartoonTime #CartoonForever #CartoonBlast #CartoonVault #CartoonCulture #CartoonHeroes #CartoonFandom #CartoonRewatch #CartoonKingdom #CartoonClassic #CartoonThrowback #CartoonEra #CartoonArchive #CartoonEntertainment #CartoonAddiction #BritishCartoons #CartoonUniverse #CartoonCommunityUK #CartoonUK #CartoonNostalgia #CartoonMagic #CartoonHistory #CartoonTrend #CartoonLovers #CartoonNation #CartoonJourney #CartoonLegacy #CartoonObsessed #CartoonGold #CartoonLegacyUK #CartoonHeritage #CartoonHumor #CartoonFullSeason #CartoonComplete
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Short filmTranscript
00:00So, I think that should give you some idea of how delicate the balance of power is in the Middle East.
00:17I see, General.
00:19You didn't understand a word of that, did you, Mr. President?
00:21No, I did not.
00:22Okay. Would you like me to get Professor Liebstrom to explain it?
00:25I think that might help.
00:30Hello again, Mr. President. It's me, Professor Liebstrom.
00:37Quit, General. You're missing the professor.
00:39Oh, Jesus.
00:42Ready to go, Kylie?
00:44Just a minute. I need more blusher on my cheeks.
00:47Do you need some on your face as well, love?
00:49No. No one's looking at that.
00:51I'm warning you, Harry. I'm not going to tolerate any more of this behaviour.
01:01Why is you picking on me? Is it because I is ginger? I?
01:04I'm sorry?
01:05For real. Me and me wins are massive. Reckon you is a batty boy.
01:09I don't know where you get it from.
01:11Now, listen up good, Harry G. You is not going to mess things up for me and me jubilee.
01:16Your respect, bitch.
01:19Booyah, kasha.
01:26Hello. Can David come out to play?
01:30David, Neville's here to see you.
01:33Which one?
01:34The ugly one.
01:37Yeah, but which one?
01:39The crap one.
01:41Yeah, but which one?
01:43Which one are you?
01:46I'm not sure. Hang on, I'll check.
01:57Right, what are we having tonight, then?
01:59The usual. I'll have a blazing row, please.
02:01Not in my bloody pub, you won't, Phil.
02:03Oh, right.
02:04How about a life-changing revelation, then?
02:06Don't look at me. I'm not your real mother.
02:09Can I have an illicit affair with a neighbour?
02:10I think you've had enough already.
02:13Well, I'd like to be clumsily written out, please.
02:17Oh, my heart.
02:19Cheer up, loves.
02:21Let's treat ourselves to an absurd storyline to boost the ratings.
02:25You'll be lucky to get one of them before the comet lands in a laundrette.
02:31What about you, Mark?
02:33Um, one's a cliffhanger, please.
02:34There's no way you can have one of those.
02:36Why not?
02:36Why not? What's going on?
02:37Because I'm...
02:39I'm...
02:40Oh.
02:45Hey, Chris, you should see my speech therapist to cure your speech impediment,
02:50because he cured my stutter.
02:53Are you seriously suggesting that I am the possessor of some sort of speech impediment?
02:59No, Ewan, I cannot come and watch the football.
03:06England are playing, Dad.
03:08I know, but we've got a crucial cabinet meeting,
03:10and I've made it clear that no one is skiving off.
03:13I see.
03:24Well, this seems like a perfect opportunity for a democratic vote.
03:28Hands up all those against the euro.
03:30They're scary and they're leafy.
03:43Mustache is thick and droopy.
03:45They're busy, gotcha-nooky.
03:47It's Adam's family.
03:48Mm, yeah, I really love your summer place in Bermuda, Elton.
03:56I thought we were at Jerry's hideaway in the south of France.
03:59No, this is totally George's bolt hole in Berkshire, isn't it?
04:02We've all got so many houses, it's so confusing.
04:06Well, this is the first time I've ever been here in my life,
04:09so it could well be mine.
04:11Well, there must be some clues around.
04:12Oh, look, there's a gorgeous young man in the bed.
04:17Well, that doesn't narrow it down much.
04:21The fridge is totally empty, so that means it's Jerry's.
04:25Er, or it's Elton's.
04:28OK, let's see.
04:30Lots of Elton's albums, lots of George's albums, lots of my albums.
04:35It's your house.
04:37Thank God that's settled.
04:39What?
04:40Ah!
04:41Ah!
04:42Oh, I remember now.
04:46We were on Jerry's private jet.
04:49Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:50Oh!
04:52What luck!
04:54We've landed in your summer place in Bermuda, Elton.
04:57Isn't this Jerry's hideaway in the south of France?
04:59No, this is totally George's bolt hole in Berkshire, isn't it?
05:02Congratulations to all of you who have made this squad.
05:12As long as nobody gets injured, I'm sure we will do adequately well.
05:17Hooray!
05:18And now let's enjoy some reasonably priced mid-range champagne.
05:23Whoa!
05:24Whoa!
05:28No!
05:30Don't worry, boss.
05:31The great Phil Neville's still available.
05:33No!
05:35What are you saying?
05:37Gordon, last chance.
05:39Do you want to be prime minister?
05:40You don't? Excellent. Moving on.
05:46Mama.
05:48Oh, that's right. Clever boy.
05:51Oh, right. Grandpa.
05:54Uh-huh.
05:56No, dada. Say dada.
05:58Mama's dada.
06:01No, dada.
06:04D-d-d-dirty old git.
06:08Hmm.
06:11Oh.
06:15Bip, man, piper.
06:18Ah!
06:22Bip, bro!
06:26Bip, bip, boop!
06:30Gravity cancelled.
06:33Pepe, cancelled.
06:35Oh!
06:36She can wait to be assessed every day.
06:39G'day. I'm here in South Korea
06:41to present a special World Cup edition of Animal Hospital.
06:45Ah, hospital?
06:46Now, that little doggy we brought in yesterday,
06:49how is the little fella?
06:50Ah, Friday.
06:53Fido!
06:54You'll love this bit. It's the dog's bollocks.
06:57Oh.
06:59Gosh, I'm enjoying this.
07:01So, anyone against bringing Peter Mandelson back into the Cabinet?
07:05No? Good.
07:07Calm down, John.
07:31Take that, you monster's carbuncle.
07:39Yes. Now for Birmingham.
07:43Where is the M6?
07:46Exactly.
07:47Sir, I must protest in the strongest possible terms.
08:09General, I am the President of the United States of America.
08:12When I say jump, you jump.
08:14Oh, Harry Moses.
08:19Mr. President, why the Jimny?
08:21Do we have to have a bouncy White House?
08:23Because all of the terrorist bombs will just bounce right off of it.
08:27Oh, yeah. Silly me.
08:29Look at this.
08:30I can do a star.
08:32Egyptian.
08:34Bruce Forsythe.
08:36Bruce Forsythe?
08:37Okay, I'm bored now. Let's play darts.
08:39No, Mr. President.
08:40No, no, no, no.
08:40Shh.
08:43Well, it's your old fault.
08:47General, I never thought I'd say this.
08:49Blow up the White House.
08:52God.
08:56Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
08:58Kiss my scrawny butt, you halfwits.
09:00Everyone knows I run the government single-handed.
09:03Yeah, actually, Tone, the match is over.
09:05We're back.
09:06I know.
09:07Ah, Peter, welcome back.
09:10Oh, f***.
09:19I can't see any, Guy.
09:21Look, I'm a dare by the trees.
09:27Give us a smile.
09:28Madonna.
09:29Over here.
09:30Peckles, mirror, indicate.
09:35That's what I did.
09:37No, not that way.
09:43No.
09:44Oops.
09:45Sorry, Gran.
09:51It's time to vote off.
09:52Weakerslick.
09:53Peter, why Anne?
09:59Your air of superiority is totally phony, and you always cut people off when they...
10:02Sue, why Anne?
10:03Well, you're not scary, and you mispronounce everything.
10:06Jeremy, why Anne?
10:07You've got the IQ of a squirrel.
10:09And the looks.
10:09I am the weakest link.
10:10Goodbye.
10:15The camera's ready, Prime Minister.
10:17How do you want me for this one?
10:19Well, the press conference is about your weekend.
10:24Weekend.
10:24Ah, it's the weekend, and I'm relaxed.
10:26Downtime, cup of tea, jeans, with a crease, because I'm an ordinary guy.
10:31The weekend with your family.
10:34Ah, family.
10:36Adoring wife, growing brood, babe in arms, family man, just like you.
10:40In Europe.
10:41Ah, Europe.
10:44Controversial issue.
10:45Let's talk it out.
10:45Sit on desk, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, sweaty armpits, man to man, as long as it takes.
10:51No bullshit.
10:52Which may have to be postponed, because of the war on terrorism.
10:59War, sober suit, no smile this time, furrow brow, statesman-like, not like you.
11:05And the tragic loss of life.
11:07Ah, loss of life.
11:09Voice cracks with emotion, manly tear in eye, men cry too, one of you again.
11:15Which, since last weekend...
11:17Ah, weekend, relaxed, downtime, tea, jeans.
11:20Mr. Blair, just be yourself.
11:23Myself?
11:24Um, just remind me.
11:26Hmm.
11:31Working late one night, alone in the lab,
11:34Peter Perker was bitten by a radioactive spider.
11:38Whoa!
11:38He phoned claims direct.
11:41I got Β£732 compensation.
11:45If you've been injured at work, call our hotline now.
11:48The money has been a lifesaver, because as a result of my accident, I am no longer able to climb out of the bath.
11:55It could work for you.
11:56Mmm.
11:58Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
12:03Oh!
12:04Oh!
12:06Oh!
12:06Oh!
12:08Welcome back, Agent 3095.
12:11Oh!
12:11Who are you?
12:12What do you want?
12:13Your mission on Earth is complete.
12:16It is time for you to return to the mothership.
12:19Oh, what are you talking about?
12:20I'm Sophie Ellis Baxter, top drawer totty and singer of popular tunes.
12:24Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
12:26You are very convincing, 3095.
12:29Listen, you big-eyed, wide-faced weirdos.
12:31For the last time, I'm not an alien.
12:34Oh.
12:35In that case, where is Agent 3095?
12:39Ha ha ha, Agent 2649, your disguise is fooling no one.
12:43Ow!
12:51Well, that's me, Mr. December's done.
12:54This naked royal calendar business has turned out to be a bit of a laugh.
12:58Wouldn't you say so, Miss January?
13:00Oh, rather.
13:01I knew a naked calendar was a good idea.
13:04Eat your heart out, the Women's Institute.
13:08Weedy.
13:09Yes, yes, we're going to make a fortune for charity.
13:12Charity?
13:14Mind my Prince Albert.
13:16It's my favourite antique.
13:19I was a bit embarrassed about my bikini line.
13:23But in fact, it was fine.
13:26I was just glad it was a warm room.
13:31Know what I'm saying?
13:32Yeah, me too, bro.
13:34Hi, everyone.
13:40Oh, Fergie.
13:41You're too late for the naked calendar shoot.
13:43What naked calendar?
13:45Ha ha ha!
13:49Bloody Kate Moss, where is she?
13:57Hello.
13:58Sorry I'm late.
13:59Overslept.
13:59Ah, 295 already.
14:10I wonder how many more novels I'll finish while I'm in here.
14:13Chapter one.
14:14Please stop writing or I'll kill myself, said the entirely fictional cellmate.
14:20Will!
14:21Will!
14:22Over here!
14:23Over here!
14:27Kylie!
14:28Over there!
14:29Over there!
14:31You've dropped something, love.
14:32All right.
14:33There it is!
14:35Hooray!
14:36Bang!
14:38June, darling, I can't wait any longer.
14:41I want you now.
14:43Let's go upstairs.
14:44Oh, yes, darling, let's.
14:46Oh.
14:47Heh, heh.
14:49Heh.
14:50Heh.
14:51Heh.
14:51Finally, I have solved England's injury problems by assembling the working parts of
15:03my injured players.
15:04I have created one super player.
15:07Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.
15:08He has Steven Gerrard's good leg, Dyer's good knee, Nicky's butt.
15:13Now, what he needs is a terrifying, monstrous head.
15:16All right, boss.
15:19Amazing play!
15:21And Art and Tina are being annihilated by England's new star player, Frankie Stein.
15:26He lives!
15:27And he plays adequately well.
15:30I am good!
15:31He!
15:33And I am hand of good!
15:37Adios!
15:39Oh, me nuts!
15:40Here come the Taliban-ies.
15:49Where are the Taliban-ies?
15:52And where's Bin-La-La?
15:54Are you coming out to play today, Bin-La-La?
15:58Uh-oh.
16:04Uh-oh.
16:05Uh-oh.
16:35This space tourism's great, isn't it, Elton?
16:51Yeah.
16:52It's not bad for a cheap package deal.
16:54And I love your space suit.
16:56What space suit?
16:57These are my pyjamas.
16:59Totally.
16:59This weightlessness is amazing.
17:01Um, but I haven't turned the gravity off yet.
17:04Oh!
17:09Wow, look.
17:10You can see the Great Wall of China.
17:12No, no.
17:12That's just a fence around my garden.
17:15Oh, my God!
17:16We've been hit by a meteor!
17:19Ah!
17:25Hang on, Elton!
17:26I can't!
17:27Does Mum-Pum look big in this?
17:37Hmm, let's see, greasy hair.
17:39Normal hair.
17:41Ah, stupid hair.
17:43That's the one.
17:44Evening, Sharon.
18:06Evening?
18:07What are you having?
18:08The Gaza Strip and a half of Jerusalem, please.
18:11You've had quite enough already.
18:16Nice to get a bit of peace and quiet away from Walford.
18:20Huh.
18:23I think you've done an awfully good job.
18:28Well, well, well, well, well.
18:30It was a little tricky, but, but, but...
18:33I'm confident in the message just finally got through.
18:37What do you think, Harry?
18:38Eh?
18:39You're never going to take drugs again, are you?
18:42Uh, no way, daddy-o.
18:44Ha-ha.
18:47Poo-ro!
18:47Well, guys, welcome to the most high-tech home in the world, House 2001.
19:03But I just got used to our old place, House 2000.
19:07That thing's completely obsolete.
19:09Check out these new features.
19:11It looks exactly like the other one.
19:15Not at all.
19:15It's a lot more expensive.
19:18Eh?
19:18Eh?
19:19And get a load of this multi-funic cyber-cinemore.
19:26Why has it done that?
19:28Try double-clicking it.
19:30It seems to have frozen.
19:32It's fine.
19:33We probably just need to go out and come back in again.
19:38Where's it all gone?
19:41Um, it should be, uh...
19:42Did you remember to save it?
19:44I thought I did.
19:45Um, uh, don't panic.
19:46Try escape!
19:47No, Control-O!
19:48Don't let me have a go!
19:49Get off!
19:50Don't you press that!
19:51Don't shift and F-let me just try something!
19:55Psst.
19:57It says the House has performed an illegal operation and will...
20:01Don't worry, guys, I'm already working on House 2001.1.
20:08Mr. President, in view of the terrorist situation, we need to test the Star Wars missile system.
20:16All you have to do is press the button.
20:19Okay.
20:20Uh...
20:21No, no, sir.
20:23The button-marked Star Wars missile defense system.
20:26Okay.
20:27Uh-huh.
20:28N-no, no, sir.
20:31The red one?
20:32Huh?
20:33Okay.
20:33Oh.
20:34No, no, sir.
20:36May I?
20:37Huh?
20:38Uh...
20:42Oh.
20:49Retinal scan approved.
20:53Oh, I get it.
20:54And this launches the missiles.
20:56Well, no.
20:57No.
20:57This is as far as we got before we ran out of money.
21:00Well, missiles will cost another 20 billion.
21:02Drop in the ocean.
21:04Many will, sir.
21:04Sir, it is time to test our new improved missile defense system.
21:16All you have to do is press the button.
21:19I know.
21:25Jalal!
21:26Stop making stupid noises.
21:28Sorry.
21:29Last one.
21:30So these rocks represent our entire craft missiles?
21:33No.
21:33These rocks are our anti-aircraft missiles.
21:37Oh.
21:37Oh.
21:38Oh.
21:39Oh.
21:39Whoa!
21:42Phew.
21:43It was a dud.
21:45Oh, darling.
21:51At last.
21:52Sweetie, I'm yours.
21:54Ah!
21:55Oh!
21:56Ah!
21:56Ah!
21:56Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:57Ah!
21:58Ah!
21:58Ah!
21:58Ah!
21:58Ah!
21:58Ah!
21:59Ah!
21:59Ah!
22:00Ah!
22:00Ah!
22:00Ah!
22:00Ah!
22:01Ah!
22:01Ah!
22:02Ah!
22:02Ah!
22:03Ah!
22:04And you join us for the closing stages of this Grand Prix with Michael Schumacher out
22:09in front yet again.
22:10And if Coulthard is ever going to beat him, he's going to have to do something quite extraordinary.
22:15Oh, hello.
22:15What's this?
22:16Looks like some kind of missile-based manoeuvre.
22:18Yep.
22:18The heat-seeking missile is new for McLaren.
22:20Schumacher's too good.
22:21What's Coulthard going to try?
22:22Oh, the stilt.
22:23Oh, yes.
22:24They've been refining the new stilt system all season.
22:27Oh, but Coulthard has forgotten the bridge.
22:29Schumacher back in front.
22:30Whatever next.
22:31The miniaturising laser.
22:33Oh, and he's got him.
22:34Surely Coulthard must win now.
22:36Oh, but he's forgot the heat-seeking missile.
22:38Oh!
22:40So close.
22:41David Coulthard beaten again by Michael Schumacher.
22:44And his brother, Ralph.
22:47And their parents, Mr and Mrs Schumacher.
22:49And Granny Schumacher.
22:51And her pet tortoise, Gunther.
22:58And I'm pleased to say that the Labour government's crackdown on crime in inner-city areas like this
23:04is really beginning to produce results.
23:08Come on, Lucy.
23:09Come on, girl.
23:13So, let's have a look at this little fella.
23:15If you remember, he was in a dreadful state when this nice gentleman brought him in.
23:20So, what exactly happened?
23:22Well, I was out for a...
23:24Oh, just a quiet ride with 20 of my friends.
23:27Well, suddenly all our dogs tripped over and slidded to first into this little chap again.
23:35Well, the good news is he'll soon be back on his feet and running around.
23:40Fast?
23:41I suppose.
23:42But not too fast.
23:43No, not really.
23:44Perfect!
23:45Now, let's find out what happened to Booth's little fella.
23:56OK, I've got a confession, Mike.
23:59What?
24:00I've been having an affair with your sister.
24:02You what?
24:04You what, Shane?
24:07Well, up and I've been having two affairs with your sister and your brother because I'm gay.
24:13I say I'm gay.
24:14What?
24:15You gay.
24:17What's that?
24:17I bet you can do.
24:19Yeah, because I've been having an affair with the whole of Albert Square and some of my bisexual triplet brothers.
24:26Yeah, he's right.
24:26Yeah, he is right, actually.
24:29You call that a storyline?
24:32This is a storyline.
24:34Luke, oh, he's got a knife and he's going to kill me.
24:37Oh, by heck.
24:38So what?
24:40I've got a gun.
24:42And I'm going to kill you all.
24:44Nice one, Doc.
24:45Right.
24:46Well, in that case, I'm going to destroy to all world with thermonuclear device, leading to a terrifying post-apocalyptic world where I'm thrilled to earth.
24:57Oh, a terror.
24:58Hey, hey, come, Ed.
25:00We did that on Brookie years ago.
25:02Oh.
25:03Can I have 16 times my own waiting beer, please?
25:07Me too.
25:07I'm free.
25:08I'm free.
25:19Now, as leader of the opposition, it's my job to make sure that this party has a more visible presence in politics.
25:27Yes, here's B.C.
25:28Get noticed.
25:30Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:31So, team, any ideas?
25:35All right, any questions then?
25:38Yes, Rupert.
25:39Why are we all naked?
25:41Oh, my word.
25:43Ah, Norris.
25:45Sorry I'm late, everyone.
25:46I overslept.
25:48Morning, Ann.
25:49Oh, Christ.
25:50Oh.
25:50You join us here for England's crucial World Cup opener against Sweden.
26:06And after a build-up plate with fitness problems, Sven's taking every possible precaution to keep Owen free from injury.
26:14And here he comes now.
26:20And so begins England's World Cup beat.
26:25Owen's off like a rocket.
26:27And he scores!
26:29England are on their way.
26:34Back home.
26:38Hey, Mr. Popey Poops.
26:40There's one question I've been asked a lot, and I've never known the answer.
26:44Yes, my son.
26:45Are you a Catholic?
26:46Yes, I am.
26:48Well, I'll be darned.
26:49One other thing.
26:51Do bears...
26:51Yes, they do.
27:03Abticate now.
27:05Your son must be king.
27:07Come on.
27:13It's got to be his turn now.
27:17Ooh.
27:20Thanks.
27:21Harry?
27:22Um.
27:23Woo-hoo-hoo.
27:24Again.
27:25Hey, just a minute.
27:27Dad!
27:28Oh, Charles, it was you all along.
27:31Yes, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you pesky kids.
27:36Oh, coggy-do-biddle!
27:37Oh!
27:41Thing is, Kate, everyone says I'm thin, but I think I've got loads of weight to lose.
27:46Yeah, me too, Vic.
27:47It all depends how you see things, doesn't it?
27:49Oh, you're so right, Kate.
27:52Yeah, ain't I?
27:53Your usual, madame.
27:55Oh, I can't eat all that!
27:58The portions are so huge, aren't they, Vic?
28:01Oh, I know!
28:03Oh, look!
28:05Isn't that the girl from Ally McBeal?
28:07Oh, she's too thin, isn't she?
28:10Makes you sick!
28:12Hope so.
28:15Beijing 2008.
28:17Beloved People's Government of China invite you to...
28:20Orympeg Games!
28:22At our beloved People's Stadium, security has been greatly...
28:26relaxed!
28:27So come enjoy the games featuring the spectacular opening ceremony with lighting of...
28:31Tibetan monk!
28:33The heart-stabbing action of relay race!
28:36Beijing style!
28:37A nail-biting tension of the triathlon!
28:41Watch them run, cycle, and swim, but still not quite make it to Taiwanese boulder!
28:48Ha-ha!
28:49Beijing 2008, available on pay-per-view.
28:52If you don't view, you will pay!
29:05Billy, Billy, I don't feel right.
29:07Nor do I!
29:08My head, it's not throbbing!
29:09The room's not spinning!
29:11There's no puke on these sheets!
29:13Oh, my God!
29:13Last night, we didn't get pissed!
29:15Oh, no!
29:17Hang on!
29:18You're just a spotty teenager bimbo!
29:20You're a sad old ginger has-been!
29:22I love you!
29:23I love you!
29:24I love you!
29:26I love you, too!
29:28Here's the story of a smiley Tony, and the extra smiley-smiley Mrs. Blair!
29:40Then there was Robin, and there wasn't Robin, and there was John, although Tony rather wished
29:47he wasn't there.
29:49Then there was Gordon, and the Muslim, yes, ma'am.
29:53If they didn't stay in line, they'd get a punch.
29:56They knew the shambles must somehow form a government.
30:00And that's how we all became the Blarry Bunch.
30:03The Blarry Bunch!
30:05The Useless Bunch!
30:07And it's back to the crappy Labour government of the 70s!
30:19Fred and Ashley, bar scene take one.
30:21You ready, loves?
30:22Yes, I'm ready, I say.
30:23Yes, I'm ready.
30:25How about you, Ashley?
30:26Just hold on one second.
30:30That's better.
30:31Let's go for a take.
30:33Quickly, before it wears off.
30:35Let's go.
31:03Let's go.
31:05Jerry!
31:15Don't you Jerry me.
31:17My dog happens to be 100% pedigree, fluffy ball of fur.
31:21And look!
31:22Your nasty little wig has been at her again!
31:25Oh?
31:26Don't be ridiculous.
31:27There's no way.
31:28Oh, eh?
31:30Oh, my God!
31:31It's doing it again!
31:32Oh, my God!
31:33My wig's straight!
31:40So, the next wave will begin at 2100 hours.
31:45Sir, is this the precision bombing meeting?
31:47It sure is.
31:48Great!
31:49Come on, pilot, take a seat.
31:52Yes, sir!
31:55That's close enough.
31:56Anywho, your target is between the hospital, the school, and the international aid centre.
32:03No problem.
32:04No, what's up?
32:05Give me five, sir!
32:07Let's go!
32:08Oh!
32:08Yeah, I've, uh, I've loved you, Annabelle, since the moment I first saw you at the freshers' ball, about half an hour ago.
32:21Oh, me too.
32:22Oh, yeah.
32:26Maybe it's, you know, time for you to meet little Wills.
32:28It's OK, but only if you've got some protection.
32:34OK, spread them!
32:36Oh, right.
32:37Well, I was going to say that.
32:38Oh, nearly.
32:41Damn.
32:42Ah!
32:43Oh!
32:44Lost your keys, mate.
32:46Ah, gotcha.
32:47All right, Victoria.
32:50Oh, thanks, David.
32:52Must look where I'm going.
32:57Just time for one more question.
32:58Yes, you, madam, there, next to the gentleman with the astonishing, um, um, tie.
33:05Does the panel think that the BBC is dumbing down?
33:09Dale Winton.
33:10Oh, such me, sweetheart.
33:12Uh-oh!
33:14Let me put it another way.
33:15Telly get more stupid for demos, yes?
33:19John Prescott.
33:20Oh!
33:21No, I don't understand the question.
33:23Good night.
33:24Yeah, John, it's a bit hot in these big padded costumes, isn't it?
33:27Yeah, all right.
33:28Bug off, Cranky.
33:32Roar!
33:36Roar!
33:38Roar!
33:39Roar!
33:41Roar!
33:42Roar!
33:44Roar!
33:45Roar!
33:46Roar!
33:54Roar!
33:58So, Tim Henman now leads by two sets to love.
34:01Come on, Tim!
34:02Five games to love.
34:03Come on, Tim!
34:0440 love.
34:04Come on, Tim!
34:05Match point.
34:06Quad, please!
34:07If he can just hold his nerve.
34:08title is headman's just so long as he doesn't go to pieces again
34:38do you think you are kidding mr. blair if you think bin laden's done
34:45we're doomed
34:47at last we have nuclear bomb good work binnie me excellent
34:57initiate launch sequence
35:06fire
35:13I thought we had two birds
35:21sorry
35:23it's a frightening situation sir it would seem he's got access to nuclear weapons
35:28I can press the button I can press oh hi there mr. Tony hey I'd like you to meet
35:34the guy who has been my most trusted advisor throughout this whole crisis
35:37general pull get professor Liebstrom
35:41oh god no no don't make me do that not now
35:45general are you trying to humiliate me in front of the prime minister
35:48oh no sir
35:51it's professor Liebstrom
35:54hello
35:55now Tony let me explain I'm the only person that can make the president understand complicated
36:02things
36:03things
36:04oh well um you know this is most uh irregular and isn't it Robert
36:08oh
36:09absolutely prime minister
36:10oh
36:12hey you got one too
36:13you know
36:14but yours is stupid
36:17oh
36:19oh
36:20oh
36:21oh
36:22oh
36:23oh my god son what are you doing
36:25nothing dad
36:26nothing dad
36:27you're reading pornography
36:28no
36:29I'm very disappointed with you
36:31oh sorry dad
36:33you should be using my new program Microsoft porn for windows
36:37great bazookas huh
36:38yeah
36:39yeah
36:40oh what a coincidence
36:46yeah yeah all the TV chefs together on the same floor
36:49it's almost as if someone had planned it
36:51this is your captain speaking
36:53goodbye
36:58and good riddance
37:01we're alive
37:02hmm that's pucker
37:03hey I was gonna say that
37:04but there's nothing to eat
37:06oh
37:09like I said there's nothing to eat
37:11yeah yeah yeah yeah
37:13nothing
37:14you know what we're going to have to do don't you
37:15yeah
37:16we'll have to eat somebody
37:17me me me eat me flesh from a liver with caramelised onions
37:20no no I'd be toaster hang me upside down till I'm nice and gamey
37:24no do me rub olive oil into my breasts and thighs
37:28you could just boil me in water
37:31boring
37:32but I've already written a book about it
37:36oh no no me me me me me me
37:38oh what do you like
37:40now think about it
37:41whoever we eat will never be able to cook or be on TV ever again
37:46it's a very good point actually
37:47yeah yeah that's right isn't it yeah
37:48yeah yeah
37:49finally it is then
37:50no no I beg you
37:51no for god's sake
37:52not like this
37:53tenderise me first
37:54yeah okay
37:55oh
37:56oh
37:57oh
37:58oh
37:59oh
38:00oh
38:01oh
38:02oh
38:03oh
38:04what was I like
38:05oh
38:06overrated
38:07oh
38:09oh
38:10more sleaze
38:11people will start thinking we're the same as the last government
38:14that is a ridiculous outrageous reprehensible suggestion
38:18it's absolutely ludicrous
38:20meow
38:21we're completely different
38:23we need to get back to basics
38:25I want to set up a sleaze hotline
38:27oh no
38:28what we need is a change of leadership
38:30shhhh
38:31shhhhh
38:32shhhh
38:33shhhh
38:34shhhhhh
38:35That looks stupid
38:46Clown, clown
38:50David, the clown hasn't turned up, do something
38:55Alright, kids, watch this
38:57And how about this
39:03Now, I'll sing happy birthday
39:09Happy
39:11Good drive, car crash, take one
39:28And cut, great stunt, Benny, that was wonderful, top of
39:31Sweet, Cushty, yeah, yeah
39:33Last time I take a short cut
39:37Uh, Benny, we've got trained experts to do that
39:40Can we bring in the acting double, please?
39:42Last time I take a short cut
39:44Lovely
39:45Right, Benny, get in that shark tank
39:47The target should be coming up any minute now
39:57Oh, face it, Elmer, we're completely lost
40:00Now, that's nonsense, Mabel, I know exactly where we are
40:03We passed that rock half an hour ago
40:05This is Bosnia all over again
40:07Oh, well, alright already
40:08We'll stop and ask someone
40:10Excuse me, sir, we're looking for Ben Layden's secret cave
40:16No problem, 7,000 miles west, big white building, American flag on top, can't miss it
40:23Well, I wouldn't bet on that
40:25What the hell?
40:38Well, did you see that little bloke?
40:40I'm Steve Irwin, here to meet the apex predator of the universe
40:45We can hold them off with these
40:47Flamethrower, pump action cluster gun, thermo grenade launchers
40:51And I've got a bamboo pole, a little bit of string
40:54Help me, Ripley, they're everywhere
40:56Oh, we're doomed, man
40:57If we're quiet, with a bit of luck
41:00We should see one of those beautiful critters
41:03Just look at those chompers
41:06Did you see the power?
41:08Those choices go right through them
41:10Just see what I mean
41:13Oh, take that, you bitch
41:16Take a look at that blood, that's pure acid
41:22Right
41:23Yes, this bloke's just chasing me for a host
41:28Oh, what an honour
41:30I'm going to be an alien mummy
41:32Beauty
41:33And as you join us for the culmination of these jubilee celebrations
41:42The crowds eagerly await the arrival of the monarch
41:46Who should be here any second now
41:51And here she is
41:52Queen now for 100 years
41:55And here's her husband
41:57Exterminate, exterminate
42:00My loyal subjects, I have been queen for an entire century
42:05Tell me about it
42:06And today on my zirconium jubilee
42:09I have decided to abdicate
42:12From this day forth, Charles will be king
42:16At last, the day has finally come
42:20I'm king
42:22I'm sorry, I'll stay on for another 50
42:27I am telling you it is just a legend
42:33No, my friend, mosquito paradise does exist
42:36Look, there it is
42:38Oh, the promised land
42:40Geronimo
42:41Paradise, let's get stuck in
42:48Ow, bloody mozzies
42:50What a way to go
42:52I die happy
42:54I'm going to need some cream rubbed on that
42:57Allow me
42:59Let me hit back, it's going to hurt
43:05Let me hit back, it's going to hurt
43:06Because Taliban soldiers don't desert
43:08Guys, wait for me
43:12Isn't he lovely, Andre?
43:18Yes, Steffi, he looks just like you
43:20He's got your knees
43:23And he's got your big wonky navel
43:28Oh dear, poor baby
43:31Look at that huge bulging nappy
43:35Yeah, I bet he can smell it too
43:39With a massive hooter like that
43:40Oh, no, no, sorry
43:43Come on
43:44It's Llewellyn Bowie
44:02Get in
44:03You were in my land
44:04Paint me Venetian turquoise, would you?
44:07I'll give you a stapling
44:08The cocoa my ass
44:09Stapling
44:10This is for the end
44:12A day
44:12Alan, help
44:15I can't stop now, mate
44:18Come here, teach-mars, you bastard
44:21I'll gazebo you
44:22Stick this up, you Walter Feature
44:24I'm going to bury you alive, chap
44:26Oh, Tony, not again
44:34Shh, I'm sure Gordon's plotting against me
44:37I knew it, Tony's plotting against me
44:40I heard him say the word plotting
44:41He said the word plotting
44:42For God's sake, isn't it good enough being Chancellor?
44:45He's saying I'm not good enough to be Chancellor
44:47Right
44:48That's it
44:49Look, stop being so paranoid
44:51Aye, you're right
44:53I guess we're just all tired
44:54I knew it
44:56They're saying we're all fired
44:57Robin, I hope that's your finger
45:04Evening, this is the 10 o'clock news with me, Peter Sisson
45:09A headline story tonight in the Middle East
45:14Today, that faraway place where two angry men do lots of fighty, fighty, fight
45:19Bang, boom
45:20Ooh, very naughty
45:22Ooh
45:22What a sensational party
45:31Yeah, whose party is it?
45:33I thought it was yours
45:34No, it's not mine
45:35Well, it's not my party either
45:37We're certainly celebrating something
45:39Yeah
45:40Yeah
45:40Totally, maybe I've got a new album out
45:42Or maybe you haven't
45:45Yeah
45:45Came Judy
45:47Oh, it's an award ceremony
45:50Theatrical gasp, I thought I was at a wedding
45:53Point dramatically at Big Cake
45:54Hey, that's my hat
45:56I thought it was a funeral
46:01So did I
46:02So whose party is it?
46:05Oh, what, everyone
46:06Thanks for coming to my party
46:07Anyone fad should dip?
46:10Uh, what did I say?
46:12Huh?
46:13Hmm
46:13Look at me, David
46:15I'm huge
46:16I had to buy a size 8
46:17I don't know how it could have happened
46:18Yeah
46:19We were using contraception
46:21Hmm
46:22Oh!
46:27Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:29Oh!
46:29Oh!
46:29Oh!
46:29Oh!
46:30Oh!
46:30Oh!
46:30Oh!
46:30Oh!
46:31Oh!
46:31Oh!
46:32Oh!
46:32Oh!
46:33Oh!
46:34Oh!
46:34Oh!
46:34Oh!
46:35Oh!
46:35Oh!
46:35Oh!
46:49Oh!
46:50Oh!
46:50Oh!
46:50Oh!
46:50Oh!
46:50All leave is cancelled
46:51And finally tonight, Harry Potter mania sweeps the nation
46:58Although personally, I thought the film was a right line for you to do it, but it's still
47:00Right, load of old.
47:04News just in. I am a frog.
47:08The next transport minister will be arriving shortly.
47:12Right, everyone. I just want to say a few words before I go.
47:16Oh, hang on a sec, Stephen.
47:20No, no, it's all right.
47:22My days as liar, liar, pants on fire are over.
47:26Oh, well, um, goodbye then.
47:29And may I say, we'll be very sorry to see you go.
47:32Oh, aye.
47:38I'm burning me chipolata.
47:40The sausage is fine, though.
47:42Do you get it?
47:49Hi, Daddy's home.
47:52Hi, boy.
47:55Wow, son, what's this gizmo you've got here?
47:58It's just a book, Dad.
48:00Light? Compact? How long does the battery last?
48:02It doesn't need a battery.
48:04Oh.
48:05You just open it and there's stuff in it.
48:08Amazing technology.
48:10No, wait. Oh, my God, you didn't save it.
48:13You don't have to, Dad.
48:14You just write and it stays there.
48:18Oh, no, it's frozen.
48:20Ring the support line.
48:21Well, son, this is the future.
48:26Yeah.
48:27Ladies and gentlemen, I present...
48:31Book and Pen version 2002.1.
48:35You can, um, download something that'll fix that.
48:39Hello, everyone.
48:45If you're watching this,
48:47then I've probably gone to the great bookies in the sky.
48:50This is my last will and testament.
48:54Come on.
48:55Where you'll find out
48:57which of you inherits everything.
49:01Honestly.
49:02Oh, come on.
49:03It's what you would have wanted.
49:05And so, I've decided to leave all my worldly possessions to...
49:12Hi, I'm Ed.
49:13And this is my big brother audition tape.
49:16I'm crazy, wacky, popular.
49:18You great tit.
49:20Uh...
49:20Edward's will.
49:22Take one.
49:25Uh, sir, people are saying
49:26that you were warned about September the 11th.
49:29We have to convince them that you didn't know anything.
49:35I think we're going to be OK.
49:49Oh!
49:50Disaster!
49:52Look, there's a moth in my wardrobe.
49:55A moth?
49:57Oh, yeah.
49:57It's totally ruined your vest.
49:59It hasn't touched a vest.
50:01But look at my trousers.
50:03Oh.
50:03Oh, no.
50:06OK, OK.
50:07Hey, don't panic, superstars.
50:08We know the drill.
50:09Jerry.
50:10It's raining!
50:13Hallelujah.
50:15Oh.
50:16Right, this shouldn't take long.
50:18Long.
50:19Long.
50:20Oh.
50:20Oh.
50:21Oh, your wardrobe's a bit bigger than I expected.
50:25Mmm.
50:26My lovely clothes.
50:28Moth's eaten everything.
50:30It must be huge.
50:31Oh!
50:48Disaster!
50:49Again!
50:52My wig!
50:53Oh.
50:55Ew!
50:57Oh.
50:57Actually, I like it.
51:04Hello? Big Brother?
51:06Oh, you like the audition tape? Fantastic!
51:09Oh, the old lady in the hat.
51:12Right, er, I'll just get her.
51:16Hello?
51:20Yes, Richard Desmond is a pornographer,
51:22but a humongous donation is a humongous donation.
51:26Oh, Tony, have you seen the appalling filth that he publishes?
51:29The Daily Express isn't so bad.
51:31I'm talking about Asian babes. Big ones bi-monthly.
51:34New reader's wives.
51:36I mean, what's he going to expect for his money?
51:39Hey, Tony!
51:41Just give in Dirty Desmond his money's worth.
51:44Call me two jokes, Prescott.
51:47Right, time for the money shot.
51:50I'll have that.
51:52Mind if I keep the receipt?
51:54Ha-ha, good idea.
52:05F***ing photographers!
52:07Leave him, Liam, he's not worth it!
52:09They've got to learn, aren't they?
52:17F***ing photographers!
52:19Leave him, Liam, he's not worth it!
52:21They've got to learn, aren't they?
52:22David! David!
52:26Come in here, you're missing Brooklyn's first words.
52:32All right, Victoria.
52:34Go on, Brooklyn, do it again.
52:36Aww.
52:37Proud.
52:38Well, now, Tom Cruise.
52:39Fawn, fawn, hands on knee.
52:41Now, you're here on my show. It's truly remarkable.
52:42I know all the other chat shows are after you, but we've got you.
52:47Whoa!
52:48Whoa!
52:49Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tom Cruise.
52:50Hi.
52:51Tom, thanks for coming on the show, mate.
52:52Now, let's find out a little bit about, er, well, my...
52:54Don't tell me I bicker on this show.
52:55But, no, you do.
52:56I mean, you're always bickering, aren't you?
52:57Really?
52:58Well, you bicker in front of the guests.
52:59No, I don't, no.
53:00You do bicker.
53:01No, no, no, no, no.
53:02Fantastic.
53:03Uh, Tom, Mr Cruise, I'm the big cruiser.
53:05Let me just pointlessly empty.
53:07I don't know.
53:08I don't know.
53:09I don't know.
53:10I don't know.
53:11I don't know.
53:12I don't know.
53:13I don't know.
53:14I don't know.
53:15I don't know.
53:16I don't know.
53:17I don't know.
53:18I don't know.
53:19I don't know.
53:20I don't know.
53:21I don't know.
53:22Let me just pointlessly emphasize some words.
53:34Now, come on, Thomas.
53:35Come on.
53:36Let's both say something incredibly rude.
53:46Tom Cruise.
53:52Oh, look, Mummy and Daddy.
54:02Loads of Harry Potter stuff.
54:04Huh?
54:05Huh?
54:06Huh?
54:07Oh!
54:08Oh!
54:09Huh?
54:10Magic!
54:11How much does that one cost?
54:13Baby needs feeding, Jamie.
54:14Yeah, yeah.
54:15Right, babe.
54:16Let's just knock out one of my specials.
54:17Just bang a couple of chicken legs in there.
54:18Okay.
54:19Whoa, whoa, whoa.
54:20What are you doing, girl?
54:21Chicken leg?
54:22Egg?
54:23It's ramen slang, innit?
54:24Keep up, girl.
54:25That's it.
54:26Happy days.
54:27Now a nice spoon for the sponge and custard.
54:28Hold on.
54:29What are you playing at?
54:30Sponge and custard?
54:31Mustard?
54:32Right, now add some bread and jam.
54:33Ham?
54:34Easy.
54:35Got the hang of it yet, George?
54:36Yeah, I think I have, actually.
54:37Bloke says pucker.
54:38Stupid.
54:39Pucker.
54:40Hi.
54:41May I just say, Prime Minister, the country couldn't be in safer hands.
54:43Oh, thank you, your majesty.
54:44And may I just say that you're the best king ever.
54:45And I think you're the best prime minister ever.
54:46Oh, you're too kind and-
54:47right, we've finished discussing this next time here.
54:48You've been CHANNEL 3 and I have a uni-
54:49He says pucker, stupid.
54:53Pucker.
54:53Hi.
54:55May I just say, Prime Minister, the country couldn't be in safer hands.
54:59Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.
55:01And may I just say that you're the best king ever.
55:03And I think you're the best Prime Minister ever.
55:06Oh, you're too kind and...
55:08Right, we've finished discussing important matters of state.
55:12Come on, Gordon, drive me home.
55:14Yes, Prime Minister.
55:15Charles, you know you're not allowed on the best chairs.
55:18Sorry, Your Majesty.
55:19Can we see the menu, please?
55:27Mm-hm.
55:28Mm, that was nice.
55:30See you tomorrow.
55:31Actually, I might have...
55:33A chive.
55:35Oh, dear.
55:36Well, I am eating for two.
55:39Oh, you mean...
55:40Yes, I've got a tapeworm.
55:43Oh, that's wonderful news.
55:46Oh, I'm so jealous.
55:47I've been trying for one of them for ages.
55:51Oh, bless.
55:52I think I'm feeling wriggling.
55:54Oh, not another chive.
56:00You eat it.
56:01I couldn't possibly.
56:02Look at the size of me.
56:03I'm fat, fat, fat.
56:05Me, too.
56:05I'm enormous.
56:06Oh, there's just too much food here.
56:08Let's go.
56:09Wahey!
56:10Wahey!
56:11Do I look big in this bum?
56:16Sir, with the threat of terrorist assassination, we've decided you need a look-alike.
56:21Huh?
56:22Okay, perhaps Professor Liebstrom better explain.
56:26Hello!
56:27Ha, ha, ha, ha.
56:28Professor Liebstrom!
56:30Yeah, you see, a look-alike looks alike you.
56:34See?
56:35Wow.
56:36Now your look-alike will sit in the Oval Office.
56:39Uh-huh.
56:40Take your place at public appearances.
56:42Gotcha.
56:43And make all the important presidential decisions.
56:46Great idea, guys.
56:48Let's meet him.
56:48Mr. President?
56:51Eh?
56:52But he doesn't look much like me.
56:54In fact, he looks a little bit like Vice President Cheney.
56:58Exactly!
56:59They sure won't be expecting that, sir!
57:01Excellent.
57:02Now you go and hide in a nice, safe place.
57:06How about over there, by that window?
57:08Hokey pokey.
57:09Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
57:15Good night, Harry.
57:16Good night, Gran.
57:18Harry?
57:26Oh, yes?
57:28Was that you?
57:29No, I'm asleep.
57:31Oh, well, um, good night.
57:33Good night.
57:33Oh, my head.
57:48What did I do last night?
57:51Oh, no.
57:53Oh, no.
57:55Huh?
57:55Great party.
58:00How do you like your eggs?
58:05Well, as I begin, you're trying to listen to what I'm going to say, but already other thoughts
58:09are sweeping in.
58:11And as I move up here, you're not paying any attention at all.
58:14Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
58:15One last effort to listen.
58:17Too late, I've finished.
58:18Good night.
58:19Ow, f*** it.
58:25All right, Neville.
58:26Yes, I'm sorry, everyone.
58:28I'll go again.
58:30Let me get Professor Liebstrom, sir.
58:35God, I can't get my f***ing shoe off.
58:38Cut!
58:42It's time to vote off the leakest wink.
58:45Oh, God, sorry.
58:46The winkest link.
58:49Oh, the weakest link.
58:50Oh, come on, Anne.
58:51Sober up.
58:53And the weakest link.
58:53Hello.
58:54Oh, bollocks!
58:55Well, it's time to vote off the leakest.
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