00:00Over the weekend there were rumors flying around on Twitter or X that President Donald Trump was dead.
00:06But unfortunately, he's still alive. Hey God, can you do us a solid and get rid of this dude?
00:11Anyway, Trump is still alive. But even if he was dead, how could we tell? His brain's been dead for about 10 years.
00:18Have you listened to the guy recently? His conversation wanders off course more than my old Ford Focus did when it needed an alignment.
00:24Trump babbles so much he makes Ozzy Osbourne sound like Morgan Freeman.
00:28And Trump is looking awful these days. So bad that even zombies tell him, hey dude, you're not looking too good.
00:35Trump's body is falling apart faster than one of Elon Musk's rockets. And he has cankles. His ankles are fat and swollen.
00:42I haven't seen that much fat since I ordered a bacon cheeseburger at McDonald's.
00:47Trump's hands are so black and bruised. They look like they had a run-in with the LAPD.
00:52And he's taken to wearing makeup to cover up the bruises. But honestly, they're not doing a good job.
00:57I've seen better paint jobs at my local body shop. There are a lot of people waiting for Trump to
01:02die. I mean, how bad do you have to be for both your wife and your daughter to be waiting for you
01:07to croak? But seriously, the only person who hates Trump more than us is Melania. I think Melania has
01:13more affection for her vibrators than she has for Trump. At least those still please her. Trump hasn't
01:19done that for decades. And I'm sure the conversation is better. But as much as we can get mad at Trump,
01:26the real anger has to be saved for the people who voted for this motherfucker. People didn't
01:31like President Joe Biden because they claimed he was too old. So instead, they voted for the guy who
01:37was old and evil.
