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Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Tumbling through an interdimensional vortex, Warren and Lucy discover twisted versions
00:06of their own world, always hoping the next one will be home.
00:18Oh, I hate when it does that.
00:22Where's this?
00:23I don't know, but at least there's no fridges trying to kill us.
00:27Warren and Lucy, you are out of bounds.
00:30You will return immediately or face...
00:33Elimination.
00:34Hey, go! Run!
01:00The game has to run!
01:02Eventually, the game has taken the plan in and the's a chip.
01:08Elimination!
01:10Elimination! Elimination!
01:11Elimination! Elimination! Elimination!
01:15Elimination! Elimination!
01:17In a shock reveal, Warren and Lucy have re-entered the game.
01:38What happened to your tracksuits?
01:42Hey, I'm getting the feeling that we're in some kind of game.
01:46Dad, I hope I inherit your power of perception.
01:52Guys, this is no game.
01:56This is reality.
02:16Contestants from number 23, Hailewa Street.
02:20Welcome to the first challenge.
02:26Ah, we might be in some real trouble, eh?
02:30But at least there are no evil fridges.
02:31I think we'll just play along until we can work out what's going on.
02:36Dad, have you ever seen Squid Game?
02:37What?
02:38Have you ever seen Squid Game?
02:39Is that the fishing one with card game fit in it?
02:40In your teams, you must choose one person to be blindfolded.
02:41The other will direct their partner down a path using only the power of the game.
02:42It's not a game.
02:43It's not a game.
02:44It's not a game.
02:45It's not a game.
02:46It's a game.
02:47The first team to raise their flag at the end wins.
02:50Oh, the other will direct their partner down a path using only the power of their voices.
02:52First team to raise their flag at the end wins.
03:01Oh, and try not to step on.
03:03The polygards of death.
03:15Oh.
03:17And try not to step on the polygons of death.
03:22Um, excuse me.
03:24Can you repeat the first bit, please?
03:26I was miles away.
03:32So we were given these tracksuits to wear and socks and shoes.
03:36And then we were driven to the place where the maze was set up.
03:40That's the game.
03:43There was a sound and we started the game.
03:46Nekaki Maui, Warren.
03:51Maui.
03:52I am going Maui.
03:54Wait, Maui's left, is it?
03:56Maybe you haven't even moved.
03:57You know, I get confused with left and right, do you?
04:00Ah!
04:01Pick up, ma, that's electrified.
04:02Well, that's why I said left.
04:04Warren and Hine are off to a shocking start.
04:07As Warren struggles to understand the complicated notion of left and right.
04:14Left.
04:15Left.
04:15Left, left, like I left you.
04:19Hey.
04:19Yeah, okay.
04:20Now turn 37 degrees nor east and take five half yard strides.
04:24What?
04:25Just use normal instructions.
04:27Not my fault you didn't take nautical training.
04:29Hey, no one has taken nautical training.
04:32Yes, Beau, that's perfect.
04:34Now walk forward for two medium steps.
04:39Beau's heart rate seems to rise every time Lucy speaks.
04:44Ignore that.
04:45Beau's cheeks are flushed red.
04:47Are those the signs of young love?
04:49Shut up.
04:50Shut up.
04:51Zauron.
04:52You massive eyehole.
04:54Eyehole.
04:56Focus.
04:58Hype steps.
04:59Eri mangaki koi.
05:06Stop!
05:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
05:07What?
05:07What?
05:07What?
05:08What?
05:08You're about to step on a polygon.
05:09Poly who?
05:10I don't know anything about reality TV, to be honest.
05:15I accidentally watched Naked Attraction once.
05:18People weren't very attractive, but they were very naked.
05:22I'm tired of being told what to do by you.
05:25For the last 20 years, you keep telling me what to do.
05:28Yeah, and you were blind for those 20 years as well, so nothing's changed.
05:31Oh, ha, ha, ha.
05:32I see what you did there.
05:34You know what?
05:34For 20 years, you tell me, oh, you can't cut your toenails in the kitchen.
05:38For 20 years, you tell me, oh, leave the toilet lid down.
05:42For 20 years, you tell me, we can't do it in the frozen produce section at the supermarket
05:46because it's...
05:47Unhygienic.
05:48Let me finish.
05:49Because it's unhygienic.
05:51Well, you know what?
05:52I can do whatever I want to do, okay?
05:54I don't have to stand right here because I'm going to stand right here.
06:03He's gone!
06:04Uh-oh, Murray is our first contestant to be eliminated.
06:10When Murray and I broke up, I decided he was dead to me.
06:14And now he actually is dead.
06:18Sorry, does anybody have, like, one to three bottles of wine handy?
06:21I smell a conspiracy there because if you think...
06:29My body's disappeared.
06:31What, you've taken my body?
06:32As if zapping us with lasers wasn't enough.
06:34I know you're taking...
06:35It's the green tracksuit on the green screen.
06:39We're going to have to win this game type in the Vortex, aren't we?
06:46Why did it have to be reality TV?
06:48I'd rather walk barefoot across Lego than watch reality TV.
06:51Let alone be in one.
06:54What the heck happened to you guys in the Vortex, hmm?
06:57Oh, wait.
06:59You're a different Warren and Lucy, aren't you?
07:04Now, we're THE Warren and Lucy.
07:06Yeah, the best Warren and Lucy.
07:08Five stars.
07:09We'll not disappoint.
07:10Whatever.
07:11So, can you be Basil's exposition for us?
07:14We don't have time for this.
07:15Hey, all you need to know is that Aotearoa got taken off of a play a big corporation
07:19and turned it into one big ugly reality TV show.
07:22Right now, they're probably subtitling every single word we say.
07:25Okay.
07:25So, this is happening in every backyard?
07:32It's my wrinkly butt-wrink rubber.
07:35Not Mrs. Schrodinger.
07:39Oh, now the cat's using her ashes at the litter tree.
07:46Bad cat!
07:48Some sneaky players have emerged.
07:50It seems an alliance is forming between Hine, Warren and Lucy.
07:56It's not an alliance.
07:57We're whanau.
07:58Yeah.
07:59Yeah, you tell them alternate anymore.
08:01Thanks alternate, babe.
08:02Contestants who are still alive, make your way to tribal council.
08:09Here's some shots you've already seen, but have probably already forgotten.
08:14Right!
08:15Yeah!
08:15And then it was the air break.
08:22Contestants, you must vote for someone to be eliminated.
08:27Um, can I vote for people who say, hashtag, not all men?
08:30Let the voting begin.
08:31Let the voting begin.
08:31The votes have been counted.
08:49The first person voted out of the game at number 23, Haidewa Street.
08:54And the second person to be eliminated is...
08:59Moral.
09:01Oh, my God!
09:10I've got a few things to say.
09:12First of all, R.I.P. Murray.
09:15He may have been a wet fart of a husband, but he was a good man.
09:19Second of all, Beau, you will always be my baby boy.
09:23And I would like to say that I am extremely proud of how I conducted myself in this game.
09:28I stayed true to myself.
09:30I was honest.
09:31I was respectful to my fellow contestants.
09:35So you can all suck my big fat.
09:37The game has spoken.
09:45It's room makeover time.
09:47Contestants must makeover their rooms, but they'll only have 60 seconds.
09:53We have to makeover this entire room in 60 seconds.
09:59It takes me longer just to put my jeans on.
10:01I could help.
10:02Oh, shut up, alternate, Beau.
10:05I have been to every design class for real estate beginners my work had to offer.
10:11I know how to mix patterns and create a feature wall.
10:13How can a wall be a feature, yeah?
10:16It is a structural necessity invented by the Bavarian Illuminati in the 18th century.
10:21What do you think of these bad boys?
10:22So this challenge seems way less dangerous than the last one.
10:26Don't joke that.
10:28And there's just one more thing.
10:30While you're carrying out the challenge, the rooms will be slowly filling up with poisonous gas.
10:37Fire up, there it is.
10:42Good luck, teams.
10:43Your time starts now.
10:54What are you doing?
10:55It's the best way to get the ideal hang.
10:57Now, I'm just going to find out where the studs are.
11:00We have 60 seconds.
11:01Just put it on the wall.
11:02Well, it's going to be all over the place.
11:04I'm just saying, Bav, where did I put that hammer?
11:06Oh, yep.
11:07Come here, the chair.
11:09Yeah.
11:11Get on it.
11:21I'm coming.
11:25Babe, is there a pencil over there?
11:27All right.
11:28It's just a light cushion chop in the middle with the side of your hand.
11:31Hi-ya.
11:32Here we go.
11:33Give it a go.
11:35Darren!
11:36It's a pillow.
11:36Be a masseuse, not a chiropractor.
11:39Go paint that wall apricot right now.
11:43Don't forget the paint.
11:47I'm so angry, Darren.
11:49Honestly.
11:49I don't think it can go wrong.
12:04I think this could be it, Warren.
12:07Honey, shut your mouth.
12:10Excuse me?
12:10I mean, cover your mouth and hold your breath.
12:17Lucy!
12:18Cover your mouth or something and hold your breath.
12:20Yeah, it's all about how you control the roller to give a smooth and structured finish.
12:31Of course, you don't want to leave a wet edge.
12:33And no one cares if you painted a wall, Mr. Mansplainer.
12:37I'm the one that made this room come alive.
12:39Warren and Hine went the shabby chic route, but only got as far as the shabby.
12:54Lucy and Beau have gone for the car crash aesthetic.
12:59Unfortunately, they've nailed it.
13:01And they're our worst performing team.
13:04They're our frontrunners for elimination.
13:07Ian and Darren have pulled off a stunner.
13:10Beautiful use of colour really ties in this contemporary look.
13:15These are clearly our frontrunners.
13:18But hang on.
13:19Oh no, it looks like they've been overcome by the toxic gas.
13:24Their room took our breath away.
13:26Looks like theirs as well.
13:28Lucy and Beau are safe.
13:33Dad, we need to be on the same team.
13:36If I stay with puppy boy over there, I'll be ash in minutes.
13:39I say we ditch our partners and form our own team.
13:42What about your mum?
13:43She's not my mum, and she's not your wife.
13:45Yeah, but she looks really good in that tracksuit, though.
13:50Dad, focus.
13:52I'll go tell Beau, you go tell mum.
13:54Fake mum.
13:59Oh no, Beau has left the gaming area and will be eliminated.
14:03No, I was just chasing a butterfly.
14:05Eliminate!
14:06Ah!
14:12At least you don't have to tell him you're dumping him.
14:15Contestants, there are now no more teams.
14:19We've moved on to individual challenges to find one single winner.
14:24Well, I don't have to break up with anyone anymore.
14:27Dad, one single winner.
14:32You two.
14:33How do I?
14:34Ooh.
14:35It's time for the Feed Your Fear Challenge.
14:40Yum.
14:41Oh no, we're going to have to eat gross animal parts, aren't we?
14:44Oh.
14:45Oh well, we can cope with that, Luce.
14:46We can cope with any vile, disgusting thing that they put in front of us.
14:50In a shock twist, we're bringing in a wild card entry to the game.
14:54The winner of the game at number 21, Haidewa Street, Officer Phil Doyle.
15:03G'day.
15:04G'day.
15:05Bon appetites, eh?
15:06Bon appetites.
15:08Ooh, something smells good and it ain't my aftershave.
15:11Contestants, prepare to face your culinary fears.
15:19Remove your lids.
15:24Hinamua must eat three-week-old raw fish from tail to head.
15:28Oh no.
15:29Lucy must eat sheep droppings.
15:33Oh, what are the odds?
15:34Warren has to eat pig sphincters.
15:37What a bummer, mate.
15:39That didn't look so bad.
15:41Wait, what's the specter again?
15:42Bumhole.
15:44You monsters.
15:46While our wild card Phil has to eat a delicious jam scone.
15:53Oh no.
15:53Oh, come on.
15:55I've got to eat a bumhole.
15:56Bottoms up, Harrison.
15:57Oh wait, there's no cream here.
16:00Ooh, thank you very much.
16:01You'll have 60 seconds to eat everything on your plates.
16:06Are you ready, contestants?
16:08Ready.
16:11These are way chewier than I expected and no flavor.
16:17Wait, my steak is to eat hot sauce.
16:24Dad, I can't do this.
16:26Want some hot sauce?
16:27No.
16:31Babe, what are you doing?
16:32I'm not eating one.
16:33Lucy, if you eat one of those, then I'll be eliminated and not you.
16:36But, um, Lucy, koha, Harrison, you do as you're told and you eat that poo.
16:42I can't, it's poo.
16:46Eat the poo, Papa.
16:48I'll be okay.
16:49Time's up.
16:59It looks like Hina hasn't even touched her fish, so she'll be eliminated.
17:04What's wrong with him?
17:13I don't know.
17:15But wait.
17:16It seems Phil has an undisclosed jam allergy.
17:20Oh no.
17:22Poor guy's dying.
17:25Yep.
17:26At least I got to watch you eat butt moles, Harrison.
17:29Yep.
17:30And it was glory.
17:31And gone.
17:39Sadly, Hina will still need to be eliminated.
17:42Eh?
17:43What?
17:43That's not fair.
17:45Oh, my takutou.
17:48Aw.
17:51I hate it when your wife, who's not really your wife, gets, uh, blasted off the face of the earth.
17:56It really dampens the mood.
17:57Just two players remain.
18:01One will win.
18:02One will be eliminated.
18:06Okay.
18:06Honey, listen.
18:09Your mum, who's not your mum, sacrificed herself for you.
18:13So now it's my turn.
18:15Okay?
18:15No, no.
18:16You have to win and you have to make it home.
18:19So I'm going to make damn sure that I fail.
18:21No matter what the next challenge is, I'm going to be the worst in the world at it.
18:25Okay?
18:25I'm going to fail like no one's ever failed before.
18:29Welcome to the final backyard barbecue challenge.
18:32Oh, no.
18:35Contestants, you're required to cook the perfect medium rare steak.
18:39Of course.
18:40Who will judge the perfect barbecue steak?
18:42Who?
18:46Stanky Steve, creator of Stanky Steve's world-famous hot sauce.
18:51Stanky Steve's hot sauce is stanktastic.
18:53May cause explosive diarrhea.
18:55Oh, no.
18:56If it don't stank, it ain't in the bank.
18:59Tēnā koe, te rakatira.
19:02Who is that?
19:03He's only the greatest barbecue who ever lived next to Liam Neeson's personal chef.
19:09Please welcome your second judge, Liam Neeson's personal chef, Mike O'Shaughnessy.
19:16I feel like I'm being ripped apart by joy and sadness.
19:21Grillas ready?
19:22Ready.
19:24Yep.
19:24And grill.
19:26Ah.
19:36What a big matter.
19:38Matter?
19:40Have you got a good seer on one side?
19:45I think so.
19:46Good.
19:47Another two minutes and then take it off.
19:49What are you going to do?
19:52I'm going to burn my steak.
19:54But you, you have to watch that like a hawk.
19:58And in approximately 35 seconds, you're going to take it off the grill.
20:01Do you understand?
20:02I understand.
20:03It's been a pleasure grilling with you, Lucy Harrison.
20:14Oh.
20:16Oh.
20:17Oh.
20:17Thank you, darling.
20:30Warren's steak is more eye-watering than mouth-watering.
20:35It sucks.
20:37Lucy must bring her plate up to the judges.
20:40The following week.
20:58Do you think it's been a wasteful day?
21:01Have a good day.
21:02I know we've got this.
21:03I know we've got a good day.
21:06I know you've got this.
21:06I know you've got this.
21:07I know you've got this.
21:08I know you've got this.
21:08Stank-tastic.
21:17Oh my god, you actually liked it.
21:20You know, I'm quite taken with this.
21:31Well done.
21:38And finally, Warren must bring his plate forward for judgement.
22:08I have tasted roadkill after a forest fire and tasted better than this.
22:25I'm not eating that.
22:27No way.
22:29And so salty.
22:32This is quite literally the saddest day of my entire life.
22:43The winner of the barbecue challenge is...
22:52Lucy.
22:54Hey.
22:56Thank you for burning your steak for me, Dad.
22:58I know it was really hard for you.
23:01It's one of the hardest things I've had to do in my entire life, but I'd do it all again.
23:06Because for you, sweetheart, I'd do anything.
23:09Warren, it's elimination time.
23:12Whoa.
23:13How did that happen?
23:14This?
23:15Up supporting each other must be the key to opening the vortex.
23:18Alright, hun.
23:19They're bloody joined along with it.
23:21Just run astray.
23:22He's been taken.
23:23We're not back.
23:24I'm pretty sure this is not our home.
23:34Three-bedroom, two-bathroom.
23:35Central, very reluctant cell.
23:36What war can you ask for?
23:37It's a picket fence habit.
23:38Is this a clown world?
23:39They're robots.
23:40Cheese it!
23:41And we still can't afford to have a roof over our heads.
23:42We live in boxes.
23:43You live in what?
23:44Oh, we didn't save the day at all, did we?
23:48Oh, we didn't save the day at all, did we?
24:01Oh, man.
24:01This is a giant phone, though.
24:02He goes to a pen for a salad.
24:03This is a little bit easier to get right on.
24:05I would say, I'm going to go upstairs.
24:07It's fine by you.
24:08Well, let's try next.
24:09We'll see you later.
24:11We'll see you later.
24:12We'll see you later.
24:12We're going to make you next time.
24:13Let's play some more funny numbers on your friends.
24:14We'll see you later.
24:15Let's play a play.
24:16We'll see you later.
24:17We'll see you later.
24:19Going back to you later.
24:20You later, we'll see you later.
24:21I'm going back to you later.
24:22You'll see you later.
24:23You'll see your second one.
24:25Go off and say you later.
24:28This sort of dogs shit.
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