00:00What are your general thoughts on goaltending as a concept?
00:04Tall person, way to show off.
00:06Oh.
00:07That is enough.
00:08We've had enough.
00:09Congratulations.
00:10You didn't even do it properly.
00:12What would your thoughts on goaltending be as a concept if you were able to do it?
00:15I would think that I know my body and I was fine.
00:19You do it just like perfectly.
00:22Yes.
00:22People would be like.
00:23I can see that the ball's all the way down, but I trust her.
00:28Congratulations, Claire.
00:29I'm yet another block.
00:30What are your thoughts on college football as a concept?
00:33As a concept, people seem to really enjoy it.
00:35People do.
00:36I'm not going to mess with success.
00:37Do people enjoy it or are there just too many colleges?
00:41Oh, yeah.
00:43There may be too many colleges.
00:44So there's just a large population.
00:46Like we all didn't go to an NFL school.
00:48Couldn't get in.
00:49Well, today we're talking about those two things combined.
00:51Your admissions process, goaltending and college football.
00:56Okay.
00:56Got it.
00:57Quick shout out to our Patreon.
00:58That's where we first brought Weird Rules back.
01:01Join us over there to get first look at John's projects, get our podcasts, get something new every Monday.
01:07Back to me and Clara.
01:08The act of goaltending in American football is on a field goal attempt, somebody on the defense attempting to swat the ball out of the air before it goes over the crossbar.
01:20Which is truly a shame.
01:22Make college football more like an arcade game.
01:25Yeah.
01:26And I don't know.
01:2817 years ago, we shot an episode of Weird Rules.
01:31That is the NFL's views on goaltending.
01:34They're very simplified.
01:36The only reference in the rule book to goaltending on a field goal is basically don't.
01:42Okay.
01:43Don't do it.
01:44This joke, people say NFL stands for the no fun league.
01:49Why would I laugh if it's not fun?
01:50It stands for the National Football League.
01:53Oh, so there's two.
01:55The NFL doesn't like to have fun.
01:57They ban things that are fun.
01:59Got it.
01:59Okay.
01:59Yeah.
01:59No, I get it.
02:00They had this situation occur that they were like, we need to write a rule for this.
02:03They built a little sandbox for themselves, and then they did not play in it compared to what college football did.
02:10College football, in their rule book, they imagine all these scenarios that I couldn't find having actually happened, but just to be like, in case it does, let's make sure people know what to do here.
02:22That's fun.
02:23One guy one afternoon was like, here's a creative writing exercise for me.
02:27Maybe a writer's room just kicking around concepts.
02:31Step one, what college football does is, like the NFL, if you jump up and you deflect the ball as it's going over the goalpost, penalty.
02:39But if the ball stays in bounds and the kicking team recovers the ball in the end zone, touchdown.
02:47Okay.
02:48They're putting a little fun back in.
02:50So, I mean, now it's risky to do your super jump block?
02:54Well, I suppose it's never not risky, also, if it's either a penalty or a touchdown on that scenario.
02:59But it's riskier.
03:01Sure.
03:01It's like, you could give up an easy touchdown and not be a hero at all.
03:05Additional penalty.
03:07Insult to injury.
03:09But they don't stop there.
03:11They then say, okay, what happens if they deflect?
03:13And then the same team that deflected it recovers it.
03:17Then what happens?
03:18Their ball off to the races?
03:20It's still a penalty because of the initial deflection.
03:23But if the kicking team says we're going to decline the penalty, then it's a safety.
03:29Okay.
03:30I think the penalty would be the ball move advances.
03:33So they could re-kick or they get a first down.
03:36Or the kicking team is just like, eh, girl, we'll take two points.
03:39Why not?
03:40Yeah, why not?
03:40The specific rule that I want to talk about within all of this, which, God bless college football for spelling everything out.
03:48Okay, so this is Rule 9, Section 4, Article 1.6.
03:53If Team A attempts a field goal and a player from Team B in the end zone goes above the crossbar and catches the ball.
04:02Sick, right?
04:04Legal.
04:04Yeah, I like that.
04:06I like the spirit of it.
04:07If you can do it, you can keep it.
04:09Every rule in every rule book should have an asterisk of like, unless this happens in like a really cool way.
04:15And like universal cool, not like, oh, this guy thinks this comedian's cool, but really that comedian is.
04:22Not if you could do like a, well, it's cool in my own way.
04:25Right.
04:26We all know that that's not cool.
04:27It's the worst thing that you could be.
04:29It's cool in your own way.
04:30That doesn't count.
04:31Right.
04:31Hearing that, what logic is there to decide that a catch is different from batting it down, specifically when it's at the goalpost?
04:40It really does feel like it's such a rare thing that it's going to happen.
04:44Do we really just want to pull the rug out from under it?
04:47Let that cool thing shine.
04:48Which then is clearly why the NFL would not adapt this rule into their situation.
04:53What if you, I guess you can't bat it and then catch it unless it all happens in the air.
04:58Did they get there or do I have?
05:00Look at me.
05:00I'm going on and on about how much fun college football had and visiting everything.
05:06That would be a deflection.
05:07Yeah.
05:08And then possession versus just a clean catch.
05:12I think they would see batting the ball into somebody else's hands to catch it as just the batting the ball that's a penalty.
05:20Yeah.
05:20So I think in order to legally do it, you have to just cleanly get up high enough to get your whole palms right on that.
05:30I like that the guy at his computer doing creative writing was like, I'm going to include this.
05:35My theory for why it's in there is differentiation between, because it's legal if the field goal is short and you, as a defender, catch it.
05:45Yeah.
05:46And then it's a live ball.
05:47Yeah.
05:47Would have to be, right?
05:48Yeah.
05:49Maybe you're just so tall you don't even have to jump and you're able to pluck it out of the air, but you're on your two feet and in the end zone.
05:55They don't want to further burden such a person by having to play with a different set of rules that limits their physical ability.
06:06Right, because that's discrimination.
06:06That's discrimination.
06:08But yeah, so that is the one way that you can legally goaltend, which I guess means it's not goaltending.
06:16No better way to say it, really.
06:18Right.
06:18It's a legal goaltend.
06:19So in the NFL, that means if you catch it, congratulations, asshole.
06:25Penalty.
06:26Really cool jumping.
06:28Great.
06:28It has me thinking about ways in which you could, because it's physically impossible to catch it.
06:33I mean, I know that they're very talented, but ways in which you could do it.
06:36So the batting way we ruled out.
06:38What about some sort of shoulder carry?
06:42Maybe you still need to sort of launch your buddy.
06:45Let's say you have figured out the correct costume.
06:47At this point, it's not a uniform, it's a costume.
06:49The right costume that masks two players to look like one single player.
06:54Very long jersey.
06:55Okay, so let's say the bottom guy jumps six inches.
06:58Yeah.
06:59These are incredible athletes.
06:59These are professional athletes.
07:00Yeah.
07:02Let's say his shoulders are six feet off the ground.
07:05Another guy is sitting on top of him.
07:07Oh, God.
07:08How tall is a butt to fingertips?
07:11How much space am I taking up?
07:13Four feet?
07:14Ten.
07:15And then the six, if the bottom guy can give us six inch jump.
07:18Then we're getting there.
07:19Yeah.
07:19Do we just need to go ahead and explore three?
07:22Mm-hmm.
07:23A three stack.
07:24Option A for how this scenario could play out.
07:26Yes.
07:27Single normal person.
07:29I wouldn't call them normal.
07:30Sure.
07:30Fair, fair, fair.
07:32Based on.
07:32Freaks.
07:34Based on his individual freakish abilities.
07:36Yes.
07:37He's capable of jumping the required distance.
07:40Option two is three men in a costume.
07:45Don't need to jump.
07:46Don't need to jump.
07:47Just need to balance.
07:48In order to pull this off, it really does need to be the act of an individual.
07:52When they were in the writer's room to figure out batting and kicking, they started with like,
07:57all right, if you bat the ball down, that's a penalty.
07:59What happens next?
08:00What if the kicking team recovers it?
08:02Oh, touchdown.
08:03What if the same team recovers it?
08:05Oh, no, no, no.
08:06Extra penalty and maybe a safety.
08:08And then at that point, somebody is like, what if they catch it?
08:11And everyone's eyes sort of lit up around the table.
08:14It's like, now we're really thinking.
08:15Now we're vibing.
08:16This is sick.
08:17Get a whiteboard marker.
08:18Can you imagine?
08:21My buddy Keith just like getting up there.
08:24I could do it, I bet.
08:25Oh, I bet.
08:26Actually, that is probably accurate.
08:28The person who thought it up was like, I bet I could go do this thing.
08:32Yeah, not going to, but I bet.
08:34If you could, we'd allow it.
08:36I think they came up with this early on in the process.
08:38So then some of the other ones are kind of retconning in order to try to prevent people
08:43from attempting to do it by still being like, but OK, we need to spell out all these bad
08:49outcomes.
08:50Yeah, right.
08:51Because it would change the game too much if it's too enticing.
08:55Every field goal is just people jumping.
08:58It's just a high jump contest.
09:00And that's a different sport.
09:03Do you really not get the no fun league thing?
09:06No, I do.
09:09Sold it though, huh?
09:11Yeah.
09:11It's sort of easy to sell people on you being dumb.
09:23Thanks for encouraging us to bring Weird Rules back.
09:26And thanks to all of our top secret agents whose names you're seeing on screen right now.
09:31My dad's somewhere in there.
09:33Hi, dad.
09:34If you want even more Secret Base, first look at John's work, podcasts, so many different
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