- 3 months ago
By the terms of her late father's will, spoiled London heiress Epifania Ognissanti di Parerga, the richest woman in the world, cannot marry unless her prospective husband is able to turn £500 into £15,000 within a three-month period.
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00:00:40Madam, gentlemen,
00:00:42we are gathered here for the reading of the will of the late Bernardo Onisante de Peroga.
00:00:49I, Bernardo Onisante de Peroga, of Naples, Liberia, London and the world,
00:01:00being of sound mind, which I have proved by making more money than the lot of you,
00:01:06hereby bequeath to my only daughter Epiphania all my worldly goods.
00:01:14The conditions on which she may marry, she knows and has sworn to obey.
00:01:21If she does not, may she be punished.
00:01:26And now that my money has officially passed into somebody else's hands,
00:01:31I can be considered truly dead.
00:01:35The millionaire is dead.
00:01:41Long live the millionaires.
00:01:44Long live the millionaires.
00:01:47Not in any way.
00:01:55Avolleyen
00:01:59elt
00:02:02ORGAN PLAYS
00:02:32ORGAN PLAYS
00:03:02ORGAN PLAYS
00:03:32ORGAN PLAYS
00:03:44ORGAN PLAYS
00:03:46Give that to me!
00:03:51Epifania, you are not to open my letters. I am not a child.
00:03:54Shut up!
00:03:55I am your husband, Epifania, and I will not allow it.
00:03:57What?
00:03:58No, Epifania, please, don't.
00:03:59Don't!
00:04:03Ah!
00:04:04That's him.
00:04:05Force me to use violence.
00:04:06Try, try.
00:04:08Oh, Epifania!
00:04:09That's her.
00:04:10Now get up for it, you rat.
00:04:12No, no, please don't.
00:04:13Don't, Epifania! What are you doing?
00:04:15That's him.
00:04:16Ow!
00:04:17To the worm!
00:04:30Get out of here!
00:04:31Ow!
00:04:32Ow!
00:04:33Ow!
00:04:34Ow!
00:04:35Ow!
00:04:36Ow!
00:04:37Ow!
00:04:38Ow!
00:04:39Ow!
00:04:40Ow!
00:04:41Ow!
00:04:42And that's it.
00:04:45And that's it.
00:05:05Get out!
00:05:06Come on!
00:05:13Oh, Daddy.
00:05:15Daddy!
00:05:16Daddy!
00:05:36Daddy.
00:05:44What troubles you, Epiphania?
00:05:50Nothing, nothing.
00:05:53Epiphania.
00:05:56Epiphania, you are lying to me.
00:06:00No, Papa. Honestly, no.
00:06:02Epiphania, you have disobeyed me.
00:06:06But how, Papa? Why do you say such a thing?
00:06:09Epiphania, why did you marry this man?
00:06:21He looked so exciting, so fascinating.
00:06:26Yes, and he had a wonderful backhand.
00:06:30I can't.
00:06:31But did he pass the test?
00:06:33What did you say?
00:06:34Did he pass the test?
00:06:36I thought that's what you said.
00:06:37That is exactly what I said.
00:06:39The test to which you had sworn to submit your future husband.
00:06:43Hand him 500 pounds and marry him only if he succeeded
00:06:47in turning it into 15,000 pounds within three months.
00:06:50Did you do so?
00:06:51Well, I did as you told me to do. I gave him 500 pounds.
00:06:55You gave him 500 pounds worth of shares and three months later
00:06:59you bought the same shares back for 15,000 pounds.
00:07:02They were worth it, Papa.
00:07:03But what did he do?
00:07:05Hmm?
00:07:06Nothing.
00:07:08Epiphania, you have sworn a solemn oath and you have cheated on it.
00:07:13But I should have known it.
00:07:15We Parergas must always have what we want.
00:07:19And we go to any length to get it.
00:07:22What shall I do? Tell me.
00:07:24What shall I do?
00:07:25Yes.
00:07:42You haven't changed, my daughter.
00:07:44You still over-dramatize everything.
00:07:55No, father. I'm not worthy of so honorable a death.
00:08:25Was there anything else, madam?
00:08:37Varnish?
00:08:38Very good, madam.
00:08:51Good morning.
00:08:52Beautiful day for a swim.
00:08:55I'm not swimming. I'm committing suicide.
00:08:59Do you hear me? I'm killing myself.
00:09:02Charlie, good luck to you.
00:09:22Oh!
00:09:29Assassin!
00:09:33Good morning.
00:09:34Achoo!
00:09:39My lawyer.
00:09:40Oh!
00:09:42Please find enclosed our cheque in full payment of your account
00:09:47for keeping Madame Parergas' husband under observation.
00:09:50Paragraph.
00:09:52I suppose only those who wait have a proper reverence for marriage.
00:09:57Paragraph.
00:09:58Letter continues.
00:09:59We are most grateful for the information that you have been able to place at our disposal,
00:10:04yours faithfully.
00:10:06The lady is not going to be very pleased about this.
00:10:09Of course I can go in.
00:10:10Me, Epifania...
00:10:11You're sure she hasn't heard already?
00:10:12I'm going all right.
00:10:13Epifania!
00:10:14I beg your pardon?
00:10:23The water is far too cold.
00:10:26What for, Epifania?
00:10:27Drowning.
00:10:29The question.
00:10:30You must draw up my will immediately.
00:10:32Certainly, Epifania.
00:10:33Say that my husband's infidelity drove me to kill myself.
00:10:36Who you knew then?
00:10:37Read this sickly sentimental drivel from his stupid little mistress.
00:10:41Here.
00:10:45Then the rest of the evidence is corroborated.
00:10:48File proceedings against him.
00:10:50Arrange an infallible way for me to commit suicide.
00:10:58Here it is.
00:10:59What's this?
00:11:01For the suicide.
00:11:02Tell the chemist that the cyanide is for a wasp's nest.
00:11:05Tartaric acid is harmless.
00:11:06Put the two separately in just enough water to dissolve them
00:11:09and you have pure hydrocyanic acid.
00:11:12One sip will kill you like a thunderbolt.
00:11:14It never fails.
00:11:16You take my death very coolly, Julius Hagamore.
00:11:18Oh, I'm used to it, my dear.
00:11:20My practice has always been amongst the wealthiest pillars of society.
00:11:24You mean so many of your clients are driven to despair
00:11:26that you keep a prescription for them?
00:11:28I do, and it's infallible.
00:11:30You're sure they'll die painlessly?
00:11:32And at once?
00:11:33No.
00:11:34They're all alive.
00:11:35What do you mean by giving me a prescription which is a fraud?
00:11:38On the contrary, it's a deadly poison, but they won't take it.
00:11:41I will, and I hope you'll be hanged for giving it to me.
00:11:45Impossible, my dear.
00:11:46Since I'm acting as your solicitor and giving you the advice you ask me for,
00:11:49I'm going to do my best.
00:11:51In fact, I'll charge your executors 20 guineas for this advice.
00:11:56You are disgusting, Sagamore.
00:11:58You make money out of the death of your clients.
00:12:01It is my profession.
00:12:02There'll be a great deal of business arising out of your death, Epiphania.
00:12:05So you expect me to kill myself merely to make money for you?
00:12:09Well, it was you that raised my expectations, my dear.
00:12:11Pig!
00:12:13There, there, there.
00:12:14The prescription will cure everything.
00:12:16Damn your prescription.
00:12:17Look what I do with your prescription.
00:12:19Here.
00:12:20I told you it was imparable.
00:12:22And now that you've blown off steam,
00:12:23suppose my dear Epiphania that you sit down and tell me all about your little problem.
00:12:28My heart is broken and you, you call it blowing off steam.
00:12:32What else would you call it?
00:12:35You're not a man.
00:12:36You're an Englishman.
00:12:37How could my father have entrusted his legal business to such a heartless blackguard?
00:12:42You may have put your finger on the very reason now.
00:12:45Please, please, sit down.
00:12:47Oh, Julius, Julius.
00:12:50How could I ever have done such a thing?
00:12:53Well, after all, Alexandre athlete, first-class tennis player, boxing blue, oh, fine record.
00:12:59Yes.
00:13:00And unlike most handsome men, oh, he stripped so well.
00:13:06Please, Epiphania.
00:13:07Oh, I'm very susceptible to sex appeal.
00:13:09There's no legal bearing on the case.
00:13:12How could I make such a stupid mistake?
00:13:15Imagining this athlete would be an ardent lover.
00:13:18All his passion was in his fists.
00:13:20Our marriage has been a long succession of boxing matches.
00:13:23Oh.
00:13:24And now the final blow.
00:13:25This stupid letter from this stupid woman.
00:13:29Ah!
00:13:30Blast him!
00:13:32Ah.
00:13:33Oh.
00:13:34I want to see.
00:13:35I want to see this little nothing he prefers to me.
00:13:38I want to see her.
00:13:40Oh.
00:13:41Oh.
00:13:42Oh.
00:13:43Oh.
00:13:44Oh.
00:13:45You are strong.
00:13:46I am with you.
00:13:49That's Jane wanting to borrow my home perm outfit again.
00:13:51She's going to be very disappointed.
00:13:53No, that knock anywhere.
00:13:54And it's not your home perm she's after.
00:13:59Yes?
00:14:02Was there something?
00:14:03Very suitable.
00:14:08Yes.
00:14:09A very suitable setting.
00:14:16For your sordid little affair.
00:14:18Now, look here, Epiphania.
00:14:19You can't come in here.
00:14:20That's right.
00:14:21Strike me.
00:14:22Show your little mistress your great knock-up punch.
00:14:25Let her see how you treat women.
00:14:27Coward.
00:14:28May I come in?
00:14:29Oh, dear.
00:14:30We've only got three cups.
00:14:31Come in, Mr. Sagamore.
00:14:32Come in and see my husband's harem.
00:14:34I'm warning you, Epiphania.
00:14:35I...
00:14:36Aren't you going to introduce me to your wife, Alistair?
00:14:38Well, Epiphania, this is my...
00:14:40Tell her that I have no wish to meet her.
00:14:42I think Alistair had better go.
00:14:44It's not nice for us to fight over him to his face.
00:14:46Besides, he's worn out, poor darling.
00:14:48He hardly slept a wink all night.
00:14:52And how does she know that?
00:15:02You actually left me to spend the night in the arms of this miss...
00:15:05Smith.
00:15:06Polly Smith.
00:15:07Very pleased to meet you.
00:15:08Polly Smith.
00:15:09It was quite innocent.
00:15:10Was he in your arms or was he not?
00:15:12Well, yes, in a way.
00:15:14For a while, that is.
00:15:15But not in the way you mean.
00:15:19I know exactly what she means.
00:15:21He's a sexless fish.
00:15:22Alistair is not a fish.
00:15:23No, a jellyfish.
00:15:24One moment, Epiphania, please.
00:15:29I really must protest that the break-up of a marriage is no light matter.
00:15:36These two inferior people are very well suited to one another.
00:15:39Let us go, Sagamore.
00:15:40Don't be too upset about it.
00:15:42It's not your fault you're so marvellous, no one can live with you.
00:15:46Is this creature insulting me?
00:15:48If a nice, ordinary fellow like Alistair tries to live with someone marvellous,
00:15:51they just get completely eaten up.
00:15:56Are you trying to suggest that you can do something that I cannot do?
00:16:00Well, I can make Alistair happy, can't I?
00:16:02What about the elephant in the mouth, Sally?
00:16:04What about that?
00:16:05I've just been very sick.
00:16:06Yes.
00:16:07Is that the one where they're both taking a drink of water?
00:16:23Yes.
00:16:24Yes.
00:16:26It's a very good one.
00:16:30See you in court.
00:16:37You're well rid of him, my dear.
00:16:41Julius.
00:16:43Why do you think she can make a man happy and I can't?
00:16:46No, but it's quite simple, my dear.
00:16:48You require a very exceptional kind of man.
00:16:56Yes.
00:16:57Do you think I should have my nose cut?
00:17:02Hmm?
00:17:03My nose cut?
00:17:06No, I'm quite certain it's not surgery you need, my dear.
00:17:09Why don't you try Adrian Bland, hmm?
00:17:12Adrian Bland?
00:17:14I really feel I ought to come even more often.
00:17:17Miss Tonks, Miss Tonks, try and work Mrs. Weatherby in a few additional sessions, will you?
00:17:21Well, it's very difficult, Doctor, but I'll do my best.
00:17:27Goodbye.
00:17:28I'll see you out, Mrs. Weatherby.
00:17:30Oh.
00:17:32Hi, Adrian.
00:17:33Oh, I'm delighted to see you all.
00:17:34Don't think you've met Madame Paroga.
00:17:37How do you do?
00:17:38Fracker.
00:17:39Well, this is indeed a privilege.
00:17:40Madame Paroga has one or two trifling problems which it might be possible for you to unravel for her.
00:17:45Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
00:17:48I wish to make a man happy.
00:17:51Ah, yes.
00:17:52The female of our species can aspire to nothing higher.
00:17:55You will come this way.
00:18:04The usual commission.
00:18:05Well, take 20%, old boy.
00:18:07Don't propose to bicker.
00:18:08Oh, well, the usual, then.
00:18:10Excellent.
00:18:11One small suggestion.
00:18:12It is most inadvisable from the point of view of the Praga estate
00:18:15that she should be too concerned with finding a husband.
00:18:20I quite understand.
00:18:25Shall I undress?
00:18:27That will not be immediately necessary, but I would like you to lie down.
00:18:32Indeed.
00:18:33This is a more interesting approach.
00:18:35I want you to tell me first exactly what comes into your mind.
00:18:40Hmm.
00:18:42Elephants?
00:18:44Elephants.
00:18:45Mice.
00:18:47Mice?
00:18:48What about them?
00:18:49Well, they can't live together.
00:18:53Muriel, I don't like this at all.
00:18:56What?
00:18:58These bills from Dr Bland.
00:18:59I thought they were most moderate.
00:19:01That's what worries me.
00:19:02It's not at all like Adrian Bland to miss such a golden opportunity.
00:19:07I went for him with my fists on the first night of our honeymoon.
00:19:11With my fists.
00:19:12Oh, he was so cold.
00:19:14He was obviously quite unable to appreciate you.
00:19:16You're well rid of him.
00:19:17I want to get rid of myself.
00:19:18I want to punish myself.
00:19:20I should be punished for marrying a buck-rabbit.
00:19:23Ah, dear Madame Praga,
00:19:24there's no need to feel guilt because you are sexually susceptible.
00:19:31You are so sympathetic, Dr Bland.
00:19:34So understanding.
00:19:36Normally, my dear Madame, it is my profession to be,
00:19:38but with you it is a pleasure.
00:19:42You find it interesting to hear me talk about myself?
00:19:45To me, Madame, you are the most interesting woman in the world.
00:19:48Tell me more.
00:19:51Have I told you about my father?
00:19:54Tell me again.
00:19:56My father made me feel I was a princess,
00:19:59offering any man my hand and fortune.
00:20:02If...
00:20:03If what?
00:20:05If he could only pass a simple test.
00:20:08Then I spoiled it all by falling in love.
00:20:12You must never blame yourself for that.
00:20:15Just because his tennis was outstanding.
00:20:18And I was so excited by physical contact with him.
00:20:23After all, Adrian, I am made of flesh and blood.
00:20:26Yes, you are.
00:20:29You certainly are.
00:20:31You don't know what it feels like to be in the arms of a man
00:20:35and know that you could buy him up twenty times over
00:20:38and never miss the price.
00:20:41If the man is in trial, what difference does it make?
00:20:44Splendid, splendid.
00:20:50I am certainly very glad to hear that you are getting on so well with the lady.
00:20:54I think you may have to congratulate me.
00:20:56Congratulate you?
00:20:58Yes, congratulate me and that pretty soon.
00:21:00What?
00:21:02You mean to say that you have already got rid of her Oedipus complex,
00:21:05her father fixation, may we call it?
00:21:06Oh, no, no, not really, not yet, no.
00:21:09You haven't got a chance.
00:21:11Not until you've replaced her father's image with your own, surely, am I right?
00:21:15Yes, yes, of course you are.
00:21:17Perfectly Freudian.
00:21:19Perfectly Freudian, Sangamore.
00:21:21I must break down her dependency upon this nostalgia
00:21:24for a deceased miserly old billionaire.
00:21:27I should have thought that would be easy for you.
00:21:28From now on, no holds barred, eh, Aidan?
00:21:32No holds barred? You can fly on me.
00:21:34Good luck.
00:21:38Well, I hope that's put him out of the running.
00:21:40You left your nose drops behind last night, Julius.
00:21:43Did I?
00:21:45You make me forget almost everything, Muriel.
00:21:47Come here back, Tina.
00:21:49Come here back, Tina.
00:21:51Come here back, Tina.
00:21:57Money's power.
00:21:59Money's security.
00:22:02Money's freedom.
00:22:04Money, my dear Epifania, is nothing but a vulgar bore.
00:22:07Delicious.
00:22:08Have a few more, lady. You know you love my works.
00:22:10No, thank you. Pay for my works, will you, Adrian?
00:22:12My father never spent more than ten shillings a day on himself.
00:22:14I think it's high time, Epifania, that you realise there was something just a little wrong with your sense of values.
00:22:22Now, listen.
00:22:23Oh!
00:22:24Throughout your analysis...
00:22:25You like it?
00:22:29Throughout your analysis...
00:22:31Epifania?
00:22:32Yes?
00:22:33You must listen to me.
00:22:34Now, throughout your analysis, you've harped on nothing but your money and your father.
00:22:38Well, what else have I in my life? Nothing.
00:22:40You have nothing else because money and your father bulk so large they leave no room.
00:22:44I'm glad. I wish for nothing else.
00:22:47But that's not true. When you first came to me, you asked me a simple question.
00:22:50Why am I unable to make a man happy?
00:22:52Yes?
00:22:54You still have not answered me.
00:22:56Well, now I'm going to.
00:22:57You'll never be happy, you'll never be able to love until you realise what a crushing, dreary, money-grubbing old bore your father was.
00:23:04Oh!
00:23:07What did you say?
00:23:09I'll repeat it.
00:23:11You are suffering from a most acute father fixation upon a man who must have been, without any doubt at all, the most appalling bore who ever plagued humanity.
00:23:19I'm sorry to spoil your illusions, but I'm afraid it's necessary.
00:23:28Adrian?
00:23:31Yes?
00:23:33Come here, Adrian.
00:23:34Come here, Adrian.
00:23:42Come closer, Adrian.
00:23:47That's for calling my father a bore!
00:23:49Epiphania! What on earth do you think you're doing?
00:23:53And that's...
00:23:54Ah!
00:24:00For saying my father was dreary!
00:24:03Help!
00:24:05Help!
00:24:07Help!
00:24:09Help!
00:24:11Help!
00:24:15Good afternoon. I am a doctor.
00:24:16Hello.
00:24:17Oh, it's you again. The man who lets people drown.
00:24:19I hear a great disturbance. I hasten to ascertain the cause. You appear to be in agitated condition. Can I help you?
00:24:25Yes, you can.
00:24:26Help!
00:24:28Where are you going?
00:24:29There is a man drowning down there.
00:24:30Yes, where is he?
00:24:31Help!
00:24:32But no one has ever disobeyed me.
00:24:34Wait! You must attend to me. This is the second time you have left me to die.
00:24:38On neither occasion was there a serious possibility of it, madam.
00:24:41But... but you don't seem to understand. I'm ill and a very rich woman.
00:24:47Well, in that case, you will have no difficulty in finding an English doctor to send you bills.
00:24:51But... but I'm liable to die at any moment.
00:24:54Oh, indeed, we all are, madam. It is our common destiny. Good afternoon to you. Good afternoon.
00:25:03Help me, somebody.
00:25:04My love for you is ever true.
00:25:11Im bim bom bim bom bittle boo.
00:25:17And when I see...
00:25:20Oh, hello. You've been having a little swim with your friend, have you?
00:25:24Well, not exactly, no. This lady is somewhat wet.
00:25:27And we are wondering if it is possible to use the amenities of your excellent establishment.
00:25:32Yeah, well, go on, then.
00:25:34Oh, I tell you, I'm dying, doctor.
00:25:36You have a natural affinity for water, but you're still not dying.
00:25:39No, no. Please, go forward in here.
00:25:41A little privacy here.
00:25:42Yes, move me a little.
00:25:44We're over there?
00:25:45Yes, here will do beautifully.
00:25:46All right.
00:25:47Yes.
00:25:49Yeah, go and help yourselves.
00:25:51Here, go.
00:25:52Put it... put it on.
00:25:54It so happens, you've come at the most interesting point you have.
00:25:57Now, I think you'll be very interested in this.
00:25:59Listen, I've prepared today with a smoky mixture
00:26:02that'll give them kippers, as my experiments are successful,
00:26:05the quality and flavour of the best-made salmon.
00:26:08Most interesting.
00:26:09Oh, thank you.
00:26:10After all.
00:26:11Yes.
00:26:12Why shouldn't the workers enjoy from the humble kipper with the bleeding snobs?
00:26:15Pay premium prices for it, but some boy and brits.
00:26:17But you're absolutely right, my dear fellow.
00:26:19Absolutely right.
00:26:20I could not agree more.
00:26:22Uh...
00:26:23Wait.
00:26:24Have a smell.
00:26:25Go on.
00:26:26Beautiful smell.
00:26:27Eh?
00:26:28Beautiful smell.
00:26:29What about it?
00:26:30Beautiful smell.
00:26:31Now, here's the crafty pick-up.
00:26:32Yes.
00:26:33Listen.
00:26:34One more.
00:26:35One part cherry wood sawdust.
00:26:36I had two parts oak.
00:26:37Yes.
00:26:38One helm.
00:26:40And half a plum.
00:26:41Just half a plum.
00:26:42No more.
00:26:43No more than half a plum.
00:26:45Ah!
00:26:47Oh.
00:26:48Are you in great pain, madam?
00:26:49Yes.
00:26:50Oh.
00:26:55Well, I think I will make an examination.
00:26:56Oh, you're welcome, mate.
00:26:57You're welcome.
00:26:58There's no secrets between men of science.
00:27:00I'll show you the whole process.
00:27:04Stand up, please.
00:27:05Huh?
00:27:06Stand up, please.
00:27:07Yes.
00:27:09I can't.
00:27:10Where is the pen?
00:27:11Here, doctor.
00:27:12My shoulder.
00:27:13Hmm?
00:27:14If they had to put more wood on the fire now,
00:27:16they would have smoked.
00:27:17They'd go up to the kitchen.
00:27:18They'd be dancing, they will.
00:27:19Smoked salmon, they'll be.
00:27:20Here, smoked salmon.
00:27:24Nothing whatever the matter with it.
00:27:25Nothing whatever at all.
00:27:26Well, it's my shoulder, not yours.
00:27:28Why, no, but I am not disputing the ownership of the shoulder.
00:27:31All I am saying is that you know nothing about the machine that your soul inhabits,
00:27:34whereas I am a skilled mechanic, and I understand.
00:27:37Oh.
00:27:38Maybe it's my back.
00:27:39Yes, I'm sure it's my back.
00:27:40Maybe it is, yes.
00:27:41Yes.
00:27:42Lie down, please.
00:27:43Lie down.
00:27:44Lie down.
00:27:45Here.
00:27:48Oh, here.
00:27:49Here.
00:27:50Ah.
00:27:51This is where it is hurting.
00:27:52Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, everywhere.
00:27:54Yes, I see, yes.
00:27:56Yes.
00:27:57Oh, this is quite, quite beautiful.
00:28:00Hmm.
00:28:01What an entirely perfect trapezius you have here.
00:28:04Quite gratifying, quite gratifying.
00:28:06I'm glad you approve something about me.
00:28:09I don't think I have seen such perfection as this since I performed last February an autopsy on a drowned navvy.
00:28:16Navvy?
00:28:17Yes, six feet four in height.
00:28:18He was a fine, fine fellow of a man.
00:28:19Fine fellow.
00:28:20Fine.
00:28:21Yes, he was.
00:28:22Well, I don't think that this back of yours would be injured by anything, madam.
00:28:26It is an excellent back.
00:28:27Quite excellent.
00:28:28I am ill.
00:28:29Here, here, Alcuff.
00:28:30It's beginning to go now.
00:28:31All right, I will.
00:28:32Watch out and look at my tongue.
00:28:33My tongue.
00:28:34All right.
00:28:35Yes.
00:28:36Show me your tongue.
00:28:41Nothing wrong with it?
00:28:42Hmm?
00:28:43Hmm?
00:28:44Put it away, please.
00:28:47All felt my pulse.
00:28:49Well, I will, but it will prove only what is already obvious, that you are alive and well.
00:28:54However, I will.
00:29:05I will.
00:29:19Will I live?
00:29:22Oh, yes, you will live.
00:29:23Yes.
00:29:24Yes.
00:29:25Most probably forever.
00:29:28Then what's the matter with me?
00:29:30Oh, absolutely nothing.
00:29:32Nothing.
00:29:33No.
00:29:34Except, of course, that you are simulating.
00:29:35Why?
00:29:36Do you wish to make yourself interesting?
00:29:38Hmm.
00:29:39I am interesting.
00:29:41Anatomically, you are beyond question.
00:29:43And the pulse is the most moving and unusual phenomenon.
00:29:47But are you interesting in any other way?
00:29:49I'm the most interesting woman in the world.
00:29:52For I'm the richest.
00:29:56Epifania Ogni Santi di Parerga.
00:29:58Aristocrat of Italy, I presume.
00:30:00Even more aristocratic.
00:30:01I am of the aristocracy of money.
00:30:04Ah, well, that is a disease for which I do not prescribe.
00:30:08The only known cure is a revolution.
00:30:10A revolution in Kypren, that's what it is.
00:30:12That is what it is.
00:30:14But the mortality rate is high.
00:30:16And sometimes, if it is the wrong sort of revolution, it intensifies the disease.
00:30:20Will you not try to cure me?
00:30:22Madam, your sickness is beyond the reach of my skin.
00:30:25Besides, this is my day for spiritual exercise, and I do know where...
00:30:28Oh!
00:30:31Please reconsider.
00:30:33No, no, no, definitely not, no.
00:30:35You see, at such times, I try to forget who I am and where I am.
00:30:39And I sink down deep into my soul.
00:30:42Carry me down with you.
00:30:44It is, as the wise men put it, an intermediary stage between being and non-being.
00:30:51Teach me not to be.
00:30:53Madam, you know that you have seriously interrupted my thoughts.
00:31:01And you're mine.
00:31:03And now I will have to begin afresh.
00:31:07Goodbye, madam.
00:31:08But you must do something for me.
00:31:10Madam, I cannot...
00:31:12No, no, no, no.
00:31:14I am only Dr. Ahmed al-Kabir.
00:31:16That is all I am.
00:31:18And I can do nothing for you, madam.
00:31:20Please.
00:31:21Goodbye.
00:31:22Oh, wait.
00:31:23Wait.
00:31:24Wait.
00:31:25Wait.
00:31:26Wait.
00:31:35Oh, never mind, love.
00:31:36Here.
00:31:37Have a smell of this.
00:31:45He is the same color.
00:31:50The purchase will be difficult, madam, because much of the property is mortgaged.
00:32:02Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:04Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:06Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:08Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:12All mortgages bought up, madam?
00:32:14For clothes wherever possible.
00:32:15Clothes wherever possible.
00:32:16All mortgages foreclosed, madam.
00:32:18Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:24Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:26Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:28Take over and liquidate.
00:32:30Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:34All trading companies taken over and liquidate, madam.
00:32:36Will there be any difficulty with Lighterman and other workers using the walls in the district?
00:32:40There is some suggestion that their unions may object.
00:32:42Arrange meetings with the leaders of the unions in question.
00:32:44Call Jack Spindle Lighterman.
00:32:46Show me the grand plan of the area.
00:32:49What's that?
00:32:50That is what I wanted to explain, madam.
00:32:52Well, explain.
00:32:53That is Dr Kabir's clinic.
00:32:55Is that not ours?
00:32:57Dr Kabir is the sole representative of the Calcutta Trust, which owns and supports the clinic.
00:33:01The wretched man is unapproachable on the subject of the sale.
00:33:04I see.
00:33:05Call Calcutta immediately.
00:33:07Call Calcutta immediately.
00:33:08Calcutta.
00:33:09Call Calcutta.
00:33:10Let me. Let me. It's my turn.
00:33:13I'll let go.
00:33:14I'll let go.
00:33:23Oh, no, it's her.
00:33:24I'll pick two.
00:33:25Oh, no, it's hard.
00:33:33I'll pick two.
00:33:35Your little boy is next, Mrs. Fancher, dear.
00:33:51Undress, please, Sonny.
00:33:55I'll pick one.
00:34:15Doctor?
00:34:18Hello.
00:34:21She's not my patient. Get dressed, please.
00:34:24You're rude and insufferable.
00:34:27But you inspire confidence as a doctor.
00:34:31Exam me thoroughly.
00:34:33Madam, if I examined all the ladies in whom I inspire confidence, I should be exhausted within one week.
00:34:38Oh, then reserve yourself exclusively for me?
00:34:40I have to reserve myself for the poor and useful people.
00:34:43Now, will you kindly get dressed?
00:34:45Why can't I be your patient?
00:34:46Because there is a great deal to be done in this world without attending any rich imaginary invalid.
00:34:52I'm not any rich imaginary invalid.
00:34:56I am a landlord.
00:34:58Then you indeed have a grave sickness.
00:35:00Really?
00:35:01Oh, what is it then?
00:35:03Tell me all about it.
00:35:04What is it then?
00:35:05Yes.
00:35:06What is it then?
00:35:07What the devil do you mean?
00:35:08What is it then?
00:35:09You come stalking in here as if you are God's gift of hospitals, telling me to reserve myself entirely for you?
00:35:14I can't disregard for the meaning of anything but property.
00:35:17Oh!
00:35:18What is it then?
00:35:19What is it then?
00:35:20What is it then?
00:35:21What is it then?
00:35:22What is it then?
00:35:23Come here!
00:35:24Come here!
00:35:25Come here!
00:35:26Come here!
00:35:27Come here!
00:35:28Not you, I'm sorry.
00:35:29Here, here.
00:35:30Put this on.
00:35:31Now, please.
00:35:33I think you are a pig.
00:35:35You think I'm a pig, do you?
00:35:36Yes.
00:35:37Well, may I tell you, madam, there is not one particle of that particular animal in my constitution.
00:35:40Not one particle?
00:35:41Not one little particle.
00:35:42I'll make this.
00:35:43Please understand.
00:35:44What am I doing?
00:35:46Get this lady's car, please.
00:35:47No, no, no.
00:35:48It has gone around the block.
00:35:49It will have returned already.
00:35:50This is a very small block.
00:35:51Understand that, please.
00:35:52I happen to own it.
00:35:54Yes, doctor.
00:35:57All of it.
00:35:59Including your clinic.
00:36:01I am the owner of all this.
00:36:06Are you indeed, madam?
00:36:11Of all this?
00:36:13Not one.
00:36:14I'm not going to have you.
00:36:15Most of all this?
00:36:16No.
00:36:17No.
00:36:18But can you cure it?
00:36:20I can.
00:36:22And I will.
00:36:23I can.
00:36:28And I will.
00:37:08Your work will be seriously reduced, Doctor.
00:37:12It will. It will.
00:37:15You may become obsolete.
00:37:17Well, I hope so.
00:37:19It would mean the world was healthy.
00:37:24Will you go back to India?
00:37:27Perhaps.
00:37:29India resists organisation.
00:37:32So I hope you'll come to our opening tomorrow.
00:37:35Thank you, but I think not.
00:37:38Oh, but you must see my machines.
00:37:40My equipment is superb.
00:37:45At least you will come and look. Come now.
00:37:47No, no, I think not.
00:37:49I must try to stifle my envy with sleep.
00:37:53Oh, but there are...
00:37:55There are still a few points on local conditions.
00:37:59And I need your advice.
00:38:01I am a little tired, you know, madam.
00:38:04Surely you wouldn't refuse to give us the benefit of your knowledge.
00:38:10All right.
00:38:15Let's go.
00:38:45Die per erga.
00:38:53It is an amazing irony
00:38:55that he who made the people sick for the sake of money
00:39:00should have his memory perpetuated
00:39:03by having his money spent making them well again.
00:39:12You see, Doctor,
00:39:13we can deal with 1,000 outpatients per day
00:39:16and we have 500 beds.
00:39:18Come.
00:39:19It will be of great benefit to the people.
00:39:21I'm most glad, most glad.
00:39:23People must be planned into health, Doctor.
00:39:26Yes, yes.
00:39:27That is certainly better than planning them into sickness,
00:39:29though I would prefer they were left unplanned.
00:39:31Nevertheless, it is good, good.
00:39:32Each patient is filed and electronically coded.
00:39:38Try also to remember their names.
00:39:43Excellent equipment, isn't it, Doctor?
00:39:55Yes, yes.
00:39:56Yes, excellent, excellent.
00:39:58I trust you of no objection if I...
00:40:02Oh, not at all, please.
00:40:04Fiddle with a few things.
00:40:07Such a well-equipped hospital.
00:40:09I'm glad you find it so.
00:40:11Yes.
00:40:12Really, everything is fine, very fine.
00:40:15I must congratulate you.
00:40:17I hear we have all that you could ever need for your work.
00:40:21And, uh, we will do more good here than you will in that howl of yours.
00:40:29Hmm, Doctor?
00:40:31Yes, well, it is undeniable that my means are most inadequate.
00:40:38Put it away, please.
00:40:39Uh, through here, I have a few, uh, little novelties.
00:40:44Huh?
00:40:45Where? Where is that?
00:40:46Where is that?
00:40:47Uh, would you mind if I...
00:41:05Oh, no.
00:41:06Do you think you could stand here?
00:41:14Me?
00:41:15Yes.
00:41:16Uh, where?
00:41:17Here.
00:41:18Oh, there?
00:41:20Yes. Behind there.
00:41:20Yes.
00:41:21There.
00:41:22It's all right. I am a doctor, madam.
00:41:38Of course.
00:41:40You are a psychological curiosity, madam.
00:41:44So, I am of some interest to you.
00:41:50Of some medical interest, yes.
00:41:56Wait.
00:42:01I have a proposition for you.
00:42:05I want you to take over the Parerga clinic.
00:42:10Me?
00:42:11Yes.
00:42:12My father always maintained that socialists made perfect employees.
00:42:16Madam, I cannot.
00:42:23Why not?
00:42:24Here is the power you long for.
00:42:26Why will you not accept it?
00:42:28Because, you see, power.
00:42:33Power must come from within.
00:42:36Otherwise, it destroys, you see.
00:42:38It merely destroys.
00:42:40The power I offer you is the power to make people well.
00:42:47So, if I accept, all this here will belong to me?
00:42:53It will.
00:42:57Or will I belong to it?
00:42:59Oh, you care only for yourself.
00:43:01Madam.
00:43:04If I do not care for myself, how will I be able to care for others?
00:43:14If I am not free myself, how can I make others free?
00:43:18Dr. Kabir!
00:43:19Dr. Kabir!
00:43:23Dr. Kabir!
00:43:25Dr. Kabir!
00:43:34This boy's mother is very ill. I must go to her at once. You will excuse me.
00:43:38I quite understand.
00:43:39Yes.
00:43:54What do you want? What do you want? What is it, hmm?
00:44:10Oh, my mistress is very ill. You must come at once.
00:44:13Oh, all right. All right.
00:44:17Wait there. Wait there.
00:44:24You see, your mistress speaks very little English.
00:44:28Very little. I see. Tell me, when did...
00:44:54My name is Dr. Kibir.
00:45:00What do you want to say, your wife?
00:45:03What do you want to say, your wife?
00:45:08You are very little, my wife.
00:45:11You are very little, my wife.
00:45:14Ah, ah, ah.
00:45:18That sound, I know. It reminds me of Kipper's.
00:45:29What is the meaning of this trick, please?
00:45:31When I want something, I will use any trick to get it.
00:45:34This applies to anything you want?
00:45:36Everything, anything.
00:45:37Everything and anything is nothing.
00:45:39Then you, too, are nothing.
00:45:40Thank you. You want the sun, the moon, the stars.
00:45:43You cannot get them.
00:45:44No, no, no, no, no. I want only what I can get.
00:45:48I see.
00:45:49Well, I am glad to find that you are fit,
00:45:52and therefore not in need of my assistance.
00:45:55Good evening. I should say good morning.
00:45:57It must be nearly 4.30 a.m.
00:45:59Good morning.
00:46:00Good morning.
00:46:01Wait!
00:46:03What is it?
00:46:06Shall we dance?
00:46:07Shall we dance?
00:46:08Yes.
00:46:09What on earth are you talking about?
00:46:10Shall we dance?
00:46:11Dance in my pajamas?
00:46:13It's much cosier. Let's dance.
00:46:15Yes, but we have no music.
00:46:17Who needs music?
00:46:18Yes, but look, really, I've never had anything like this.
00:46:20Now, be quiet and listen to me.
00:46:21Shh!
00:46:23Tell me something.
00:46:25What do you want to be told?
00:46:27Is there nothing one can get with money except more money?
00:46:32Well, one can get most men, yes.
00:46:36But I don't want the men I can buy.
00:46:38Yet it does not occur to you that those you cannot buy may not want you.
00:46:41Yes, I think that you've got enormous self-confidence, madam.
00:46:46Yes.
00:46:47Yes.
00:46:48And what is more, I'm standing on your dress.
00:46:49What is more, I think you are apparently sexless.
00:46:52How dare you?
00:46:53How dare you say that I am sexless?
00:46:56Really?
00:46:57Well, I mean, there is no mystery, no separateness,
00:47:00no secretness about men to you.
00:47:02You talk as if you're a man.
00:47:05A man?
00:47:06Yes.
00:47:12Are you married?
00:47:15To science.
00:47:17Science is impotent without money.
00:47:20Take another wife.
00:47:21Science is my bride.
00:47:25I wouldn't be jealous of her.
00:47:30Does the question of competition arise?
00:47:32It does.
00:47:34I want to marry you.
00:47:39I see.
00:47:41Well, answer me.
00:47:46Not so simple to answer.
00:47:51I want you.
00:47:58I think that you have wanted many toys.
00:48:02And when they were given to you,
00:48:04you have tossed them aside without even unwrapping them.
00:48:06No, no.
00:48:08I really need you.
00:48:12I find it most difficult to refuse those who need.
00:48:17Then don't refuse.
00:48:18But I, I, I must, I have to use them.
00:48:24But why?
00:48:24Oh, but, well, because, because of my mother.
00:48:33Your mother?
00:48:35Yes, my mother.
00:48:37My mother.
00:48:38I have a mother fixation.
00:48:40Oh, my mother fixation.
00:48:42Yes, here's, oh, sorry, here.
00:48:48Please.
00:48:51What was your mother?
00:48:52A woman.
00:48:54Of course, she was a woman.
00:48:55She was a seamstress, a widow.
00:48:57And would she have found any great objection to your marrying a millionairess?
00:49:02Oh, yes, she would.
00:49:03Definitely, she would.
00:49:05You see, I, I made a solemn, thank you, promise to her on her deathbed.
00:49:10May I?
00:49:11Oh, thank you very much.
00:49:13She made me swear to her that if ever a woman wanted to marry me and I felt tempted.
00:49:21And you do, you do.
00:49:23One moment, please.
00:49:25If ever a woman wanted to marry me and I felt tempted.
00:49:27You do, you do.
00:49:29Would you please allow me to just say what I'm trying to say?
00:49:31All right.
00:49:32That is all.
00:49:34If ever a woman wanted to marry me and I felt tempted,
00:49:38I would hand to that woman 500 rupees.
00:49:41Then I would say to her, unless that she could go out into the world,
00:49:45alone and unneeded with nothing but that and the clothes she stood in
00:49:49and earn her living for a period of three months,
00:49:52then I must never speak to her again.
00:49:55And if she stood the test?
00:49:57Then I would have to marry her even if she were the ugliest devil on earth.
00:50:01Oh, the most beautiful.
00:50:05Oh, the most beautiful, yes.
00:50:11It's all right.
00:50:12You know that this incense you have got is very strong.
00:50:15Yes.
00:50:16Oh, it is affecting me.
00:50:19I will have to go because people are waiting for me.
00:50:23It is 4.30, ma'am.
00:50:26I will be in the middle.
00:50:33A bag.
00:50:36People will murder, you know.
00:50:41You must open my clinic, you understand?
00:50:48And I must open mine.
00:50:56It is a nice thing to see.
00:50:58We will have to go out to the window.
00:50:59Tell me, we will have to go in the middle.
00:51:01Yes.
00:51:02Would you please go to your appropriate desk,
00:51:05A2E on your left?
00:51:06Let's go.
00:51:07Name of mother.
00:51:07Name of father.
00:51:08Father's occupation.
00:51:09Mother's occupation.
00:51:10Name.
00:51:11Age.
00:51:11Name of father.
00:51:12Name of mother.
00:51:12Father's occupation.
00:51:13Mother's occupation.
00:51:14Name.
00:51:15Age.
00:51:15Name of father.
00:51:16Name of mother.
00:51:17Mother's occupation.
00:51:18Mother's occupation.
00:51:19Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, six.
00:51:21What? Yeah, I've had enough.
00:51:24Annie, Annie, I've had enough.
00:51:26So have I.
00:51:26Yes, and I'm going back to Dr. Kabir.
00:51:29He knows, he's right, he knows.
00:51:30Bloody liberty asking me my sex.
00:51:33Why should I tell them?
00:51:34All you.
00:51:44Bye-bye.
00:51:45No, no.
00:51:45Thank you very much.
00:51:47I think we're wasting our time.
00:51:49I'm giving him imbrication.
00:51:50He keeps on drinking it.
00:51:52Fortunately, we are very rich in imbrication.
00:51:55Will there be anything else, Doctor?
00:51:57Uh, no, no, thank you, no.
00:51:59Well, good night, Doctor.
00:52:00Good night, nurse.
00:52:03Doctor.
00:52:03Hmm?
00:52:04It's that lady again.
00:52:06What?
00:52:06The one with the clinic.
00:52:08What?
00:52:08Oh, oh, dear.
00:52:10Doctor, doctor.
00:52:13Yes.
00:52:14Doctor.
00:52:14Yes.
00:52:16I've decided to accept the test.
00:52:18Uh, yes.
00:52:20What test was that, dear lady?
00:52:21Your mother's.
00:52:23My mother's?
00:52:24Yes.
00:52:25I, uh, she was a very wise woman, my mother.
00:52:27I've decided to accept her challenge.
00:52:30You see, she had something in common with my father.
00:52:33He also left a test for her husband work for me.
00:52:35Oh, so, uh, the husband is to be tested, too?
00:52:39Yes.
00:52:39Ah, yes.
00:52:40Well, no, that is something that never occurred to me or my mother.
00:52:43I am to give the man in question 500 pounds, and in three months, he has to increase it into 15,000.
00:52:49Well, I, uh, I can tell you one thing for sure, that if, if I were the man in question...
00:53:04You are the man in question.
00:53:05Please, just allow me to say what I want to say.
00:53:08Yes, yes.
00:53:09If I were the man in question, ah, at the end of three months, I would not have one penny left.
00:53:15So you consider yourself beaten before you start?
00:53:18Oh, yes.
00:53:18Completely hopelessly.
00:53:20So we are both beaten?
00:53:21Yes, we are both beaten.
00:53:22You do not know what homeless poverty is.
00:53:24I do not know what the profit motive means.
00:53:26So, um...
00:53:27How much is 500 rupees?
00:53:32You asking me how much is 500 rupees?
00:53:33Yes, I'm asking you how much is 500 rupees?
00:53:36Well, um...
00:53:38Well, I, I, I would think that the rate of exchange contemplated by my mother, it is probably about 35 shillings.
00:53:46Well, hand it over.
00:53:48What?
00:53:49Yes.
00:53:49Uh, ah, well, you see, my mother forgot to provide for such a thing as that.
00:53:54I, I haven't got 35 shillings.
00:53:55Why, it doesn't matter.
00:53:56You can owe it to me.
00:53:58I just happened to have 500 pounds with me.
00:54:02How strange.
00:54:05Yes, how strange.
00:54:07Dear lady, look, please, may I tell you, I've no head for money.
00:54:11In that case, you're running no risk if you accept my father's test, are you?
00:54:14I, um, um, um, but, uh, dear lady, I don't want to do a test.
00:54:26What?
00:54:29Most great and glorious.
00:54:31Is this another of their terrible jokes?
00:54:32Hmm?
00:54:33This?
00:54:34What did I do?
00:54:34Don't do this to me, please.
00:54:36Please, not to me.
00:54:38Hmm?
00:54:38Oh, mummy, mummy.
00:54:43Epifania, my dear child, now, please, please listen and try to concentrate.
00:54:47What I really want to point out is that you owe a du...
00:54:50That you owe a duty to the estate.
00:54:56And the estate involves millions of money.
00:55:00Very well, may I remind you.
00:55:02No, darling, I don't think this will do.
00:55:03Thank you very much.
00:55:04Say this one.
00:55:06Epifania.
00:55:06May I remind you that you also have a...
00:55:09Have a duty to your father's memory.
00:55:11Oh, but my father would have approved.
00:55:13You like it?
00:55:14You know how he started with 20 lira.
00:55:17And a compromising letter from his employer's wife.
00:55:21I'm merely repeating history.
00:55:23You don't intend to use blackmail, I trust?
00:55:26Yes, I shall use whatever is necessary.
00:55:2835 shillings, the clothes I stand up in.
00:55:31And, yes, if I have to, blackmail.
00:55:35See you in three months' time, Sagamore.
00:55:37Epifania.
00:55:39Is a penniless Indian doctor really worth all this?
00:55:45I'm not proving his worth, but my own.
00:55:50Vanish, please.
00:55:53You get up and don't show your face again.
00:55:58I want only girls who work.
00:56:00Work?
00:56:01I call it slavery.
00:56:03Don't you come back.
00:56:04I can get girls.
00:56:06Plenty of good girls.
00:56:07Good girls.
00:56:09You wouldn't know what to do with a good girl.
00:56:12Hey, you.
00:56:15You.
00:56:16Are you the manager of this place?
00:56:18Yes, I am.
00:56:19Good.
00:56:20And who are you?
00:56:21You need a girl?
00:56:23I need a job.
00:56:27You need a job?
00:56:28Mm-hmm.
00:56:31You don't look like a girl who needs a job.
00:56:34I do.
00:56:35Good.
00:56:37Good.
00:56:38All right.
00:56:39Well, you just come to my office
00:56:42and we talk it over.
00:56:44Nice and friendly.
00:56:48Why do you stop work?
00:56:50Work, work, all of you.
00:57:03That work's not for you,
00:57:05not for those pretty hands.
00:57:06Yes, maybe I could fix up something more.
00:57:12Ah, Maria, you come at right moment.
00:57:16So I see.
00:57:18My wife always comes at right moment.
00:57:21What does she want?
00:57:23Work.
00:57:24With a hat like that,
00:57:25she don't want the work we can offer.
00:57:27She's not going to work with her hat, Maria.
00:57:29Can you cut tagliatelle?
00:57:31Certain she can.
00:57:32Can't you?
00:57:33No.
00:57:35But spaghetti, at least, you can make.
00:57:37No, no.
00:57:38Listen, we're making pasta for all Italians in London.
00:57:41What other work do you think you can do here?
00:57:43And you listen to me.
00:57:44You're employing more girls here than the law permits.
00:57:48She's an inspector.
00:57:49You bloody old fool.
00:57:51She's an inspector.
00:57:52Oh, no.
00:57:53I'm not an inspector.
00:57:55But in there, there is a gas engine.
00:57:58That makes you a workshop.
00:58:00So?
00:58:01So, I am a workshop?
00:58:03I can have you closed down just like that.
00:58:05Oh, no.
00:58:06You can do that to me.
00:58:0830 years ago, I come to London.
00:58:11I work, I work.
00:58:12I own shop.
00:58:13I own children.
00:58:15I own wife.
00:58:16You can take that from me.
00:58:18Can I?
00:58:21Ah.
00:58:21How much do you want?
00:58:26I don't want money.
00:58:28I want work.
00:58:29But what work can you do?
00:58:31Brain work, managing, planning, that's what.
00:58:33What we need, managing, planning, brains.
00:58:36Every day Benito comes with his lorry,
00:58:38he pays for what we make.
00:58:39He delivers the wholesalers.
00:58:40It's simple.
00:58:41Simple?
00:58:42Why don't you deal directly with the wholesalers?
00:58:45How do I know he's a wholesaler?
00:58:47Yes, how?
00:58:49That's where I come in.
00:58:50I'll arrange it, and I'll take 50% of the extra profit I make for you.
00:58:55Yes, but...
00:58:56How can we lose?
00:58:59We can lose.
00:59:02The intelligent capitalist need never lose.
00:59:05Now, let me see the production figures for the last month.
00:59:07You see, there's no need to get in a state about it.
00:59:13You do not drink this.
00:59:15You rub it in.
00:59:17Now, that's clear, isn't it?
00:59:18Hmm?
00:59:19Every night.
00:59:20Because, you see, I mean, if you are to drink it,
00:59:23you would not have any left to rub in.
00:59:25You understand that, don't you?
00:59:27Good, good.
00:59:28Here, here.
00:59:29This says, please take one as you leave.
00:59:32Go on.
00:59:35Thank you, doctor.
00:59:37Good night, nurse.
00:59:38Good night.
00:59:40You see, he did not take one.
00:59:42I'm afraid he didn't, doctor.
00:59:43Why is it that people will not take what is given to them?
00:59:46Perhaps they feel you've given them enough already.
00:59:50I tell you, that woman, that woman is a menace to humanity.
01:00:03So, what do you say?
01:00:05What do I say?
01:00:06It is not efficient.
01:00:07It must go.
01:00:09But my family always beat the door this way.
01:00:12That's why your family were always poor.
01:00:14There is a machine to do this kind of work.
01:00:16But they're like girls who met at the machine.
01:00:18Yes, I know you do, Joe.
01:00:20We'll get the machine.
01:00:22Yes, we get the machine.
01:00:29How is production this week?
01:00:30Should be up another 16%.
01:00:32Good, good.
01:00:33Any complaints from the workers?
01:00:35Complaints?
01:00:35I should think not.
01:00:36With time and half, overtime, a canteen, a recreation room,
01:00:39I know fingers.
01:00:40I'll tell you something.
01:00:42These girls ain't going to develop the character we did when we was girls.
01:00:48You see, Joe?
01:00:49The workers are satisfied.
01:00:51We pay them the union's minimum.
01:00:53And our profits increase.
01:00:55That's true.
01:00:56That is very true.
01:00:57And you, Joe, you have a fine house now.
01:00:59I do.
01:01:00And your children, they go to a good school.
01:01:02That's true.
01:01:03And instead of being a hated sweatshop owner, you're now a respectable employer of labor.
01:01:08Yes, so I am.
01:01:10So why do you look so sad?
01:01:11I don't enjoy it like I used to.
01:01:14What do you mean?
01:01:14No more adventure, no more danger, no more pleasure.
01:01:18Oh, come on, Joe.
01:01:20If we carry on like this, you'll be able to retire soon.
01:01:23Back to Naples.
01:01:24Hmm?
01:01:24Yes.
01:01:25I get myself a vineyard.
01:01:29I just sit and think, and think and sit.
01:01:34Ah, and sit and think.
01:01:41Money.
01:01:43Money?
01:01:43What are you selling?
01:01:50I'm not selling anything.
01:01:52I'm giving money away.
01:02:01You want some?
01:02:03Yeah.
01:02:07Get your money here.
01:02:09Don't you want it?
01:02:13You see, my Joe?
01:02:19The output of 20 girls, and after the capital expenditure, only a few shillings a week in electricity.
01:02:26Very good.
01:02:27Very good.
01:02:27In three months, my Joe, the operation is completed.
01:02:30First, we let the workers unionize, give them higher rates, and they could explore.
01:02:35Then we take over the means of distribution and cut out the middleman.
01:02:39Finally, on the increased profits that we make, we install machines and replace the workers.
01:02:43You see?
01:02:44Simple.
01:02:46Oh, how beautiful industry is.
01:02:53Signor Epifania.
01:02:57Signor Epifania.
01:02:57Mm-hmm.
01:02:59I would like to sell out my interest.
01:03:03You want to go back to Naples, eh, Joe?
01:03:04No, but will you buy my interest?
01:03:07Of course, of course.
01:03:09It will be a lot of money for you, Joe.
01:03:11But if you don't go back to Naples, what will you do?
01:03:16I tell you, I find myself a little basement somewhere in London.
01:03:21I start a nice little sweatshop.
01:03:29Some are simply not made for leadership and progress.
01:03:32You are right.
01:03:33But you know, I like to work with people, not machines.
01:03:37In a sweatshop, it's nice.
01:03:38You have plenty girls around you, arguments, trouble.
01:03:43It's nice.
01:03:44You don't mind, Signor Epifania?
01:03:48Me?
01:03:49Oh, no, no.
01:03:50Do as you wish.
01:03:53I've completed my task.
01:03:55As I explained to you from the outset, my dear lady,
01:04:00there is no reasonable possibility whatsoever
01:04:03of me succeeding in any commercial venture of any kind.
01:04:07I want to make that quite clear from the beginning.
01:04:09So please, I don't want to argue about it.
01:04:11Besides, the time for the test has elapsed.
01:04:15You see?
01:04:16It's elapsed.
01:04:16And the money.
01:04:19Here is your money.
01:04:21Take it away.
01:04:22Thank you very much for lending it to me, but I don't want it.
01:04:25Yes, that is, that is what I shall say to her.
01:04:30Yes.
01:04:31After all, she's not dealing with nobody.
01:04:36She is dealing with somebody.
01:04:39Hmm.
01:04:44Ah.
01:04:46The Institute of Scientific Learning.
01:04:48Did you hear that?
01:04:50The Institute of Scientific Learning requests the pleasure of the company.
01:04:54The pleasure of the company.
01:04:55Of Dr. Moussa Ahmed Elkabir.
01:04:57MD Calcutta.
01:04:59PhD Delhi.
01:05:01MRCS Redding.
01:05:03MCH Swanage.
01:05:05BA Cantab.
01:05:07Failed.
01:05:08At its annual dinner to be held at Romano's.
01:05:13You see, my dear lady, that is who you are dealing with.
01:05:16You are dealing with a man who goes to Romano's for annual dinners.
01:05:23May I say that it is my firm, nay, my unalterable conviction, that the day will come when the good shall rule the strong,
01:05:37when learning shall rule over ignorance, and when men of science will hold sway over princes and millionaires.
01:05:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:05:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:05:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:05:50You fool, have some more brandy.
01:05:53No, no, look, I've had more than I should, and believe me, I shouldn't have any, so I...
01:05:58Look, son, you're a grown man now.
01:06:01You're no longer a shy young student.
01:06:03If you want to be a man, drink, look like a man.
01:06:07Yes, well, it's all your fault, then.
01:06:08Yeah.
01:06:09I'll drink and blame you.
01:06:11Did you hear what he said?
01:06:13The good shall rule the strong.
01:06:16Idiocy.
01:06:17More likely, the lamb shall eat the lion.
01:06:20Nevertheless, it is a good sentiment.
01:06:26Sentiment is all it is.
01:06:28Men of science, who sway over millionaires, tough and nonsense.
01:06:37Professor, do you think it is possible for a man of learning to oppose the wishes of a millionaire?
01:06:48Are you a damn fool if he does?
01:06:52Look at me.
01:06:54A life devoted to painkilling another damn thing in the bank.
01:06:58Now, if I had devoted my ingenuity to devising a more efficient method for exterminating mankind,
01:07:09I'd be rich and revered.
01:07:12Drink up, son.
01:07:13Drink up.
01:07:17This is his brand.
01:07:19I think he might as well make the best of it before the mean old goat notices.
01:07:23A fortune made out of removing unnecessary organs from unnecessary wealthy women.
01:07:35But, Professor, I think that it is not impossible that a man of learning could, should, and what is more, will do definitely.
01:07:53That is, that is, that is what I think.
01:07:57What are you talking about?
01:08:00I'm talking about the millionaires.
01:08:03Yeah.
01:08:04But, uh, I am safe.
01:08:07I am safe.
01:08:08Yes.
01:08:09Because, you want to know, my mother is looking after me.
01:08:15Well, let's drink up and get early.
01:08:18I've had enough clop-chop till the same time next year to princes and millionaires.
01:08:26Nevertheless, you know, she is very beautiful.
01:08:31I'm so glad that I confided in you, Professor.
01:08:50So glad, so glad I confided with you.
01:08:53You're a good boy.
01:08:54You've nothing to be afraid of.
01:08:56All you have to do is to hand me all the money, and I'll make sure it's put to no good use whatsoever.
01:09:03Why, why, why are you so good to me, Professor?
01:09:07It's all...
01:09:10Oh!
01:09:12Don't get rough just a minute.
01:09:14Oh, that is her.
01:09:16That, we must hide.
01:09:17Look, all you have to do is to give me the money.
01:09:20Hide, hide, hide.
01:09:22That, that is the millionaires.
01:09:24She's here, the millionaires.
01:09:26Yes.
01:09:27Oh, that's her.
01:09:28That's her.
01:09:29That's her.
01:09:30That's her.
01:09:31Well, she can't frighten me.
01:09:33I'll take on any millionaires.
01:09:35No, no, no.
01:09:36No, no.
01:09:37We must go in the back way.
01:09:39Oh, millionaires.
01:09:41Oh.
01:09:42Oh, dear.
01:09:43That was a close save.
01:09:47Now, my boy, the money, where is it?
01:09:50Science is waiting.
01:09:51Her throat is dry.
01:09:53Science's throat is dry.
01:09:54Science's throat is dry.
01:09:56I haven't had ground you like that in 20 years.
01:09:59Here it is.
01:10:00Good.
01:10:01And, and, and, and may I say that I am proud that I've been able to contribute to your research.
01:10:10Yeah, and I'm proud, proud to, to think, just to think that I unwillingly would have been the instrument of bringing to bear the cure for the common cold.
01:10:25Quite.
01:10:27Quite.
01:10:28Quite.
01:10:29Three pounds a bottle.
01:10:31That'll give me about 150 bottles.
01:10:34You see, to, to be of some benefit to mankind is all that I ask.
01:10:41That is all I'm asking.
01:10:43150 bottles, you know, that should see me out.
01:10:46I'm 76, you know.
01:10:47Ah, my dear old friend and teacher, you'll live forever, you know.
01:10:53God bless her.
01:10:54You will, you will.
01:10:55I hope so.
01:10:56I hope so.
01:10:57I hope so.
01:10:58You will.
01:10:59Lovely brandy.
01:11:01I haven't tasted any luck in the 20 years.
01:11:04Live forever.
01:11:05150.
01:11:06160 bottles.
01:11:08150.
01:11:09Goodbye, my son.
01:11:12Goodbye, and God bless you.
01:11:14You just drop your anchor there.
01:11:17I'll find my way home.
01:11:22And on the road to Mandalay,
01:11:26Where the flying fishers play,
01:11:30And the warmth and the flesh...
01:11:44Yes.
01:11:45Now I am ready for you.
01:12:02There he is.
01:12:14I hope your mother will rest in peace.
01:12:37I hope that your father will too.
01:12:42I've done all that your mother wanted.
01:12:45And more.
01:12:47You mean that you've actually attempted this impossible test?
01:12:52Oh, yes.
01:12:53I can show you an accountant's certificate to prove that I have.
01:12:56It's all right.
01:12:57I'll take your word for it.
01:12:59You are a remarkable woman.
01:13:01I take the world as I find it.
01:13:03And I know how to use it.
01:13:05To use it, yes.
01:13:07But the wrath of God shall overtake those who leave this world no better than they found it.
01:13:14But the evidence suggests that he loves those who make money.
01:13:17Oh.
01:13:18Riches are a curse.
01:13:20And also poverty is a curse.
01:13:23And...
01:13:25Is this...
01:13:26Whatever it is I feel for you...
01:13:29Is that also a curse?
01:13:32This talk is idle.
01:13:39You have fulfilled the...
01:13:44Condition imposed by my mother.
01:13:47But I...
01:13:49I have not fulfilled the condition imposed by your father.
01:13:52There is still time.
01:13:54I...
01:13:55I can show you how to turn it into 15,000 pounds before dawn.
01:13:58Stock exchanges in other capitals are already at work.
01:14:01We...
01:14:02We have no problem.
01:14:03But we have.
01:14:04We have.
01:14:05But not if you want to pass the test.
01:14:07And you do.
01:14:10My desires do not come into this.
01:14:13The money has gone.
01:14:16Oh, no.
01:14:17You can't ever spend it all.
01:14:19Let me have whatever you have left and...
01:14:21I will make it work for you.
01:14:25It is all gone.
01:14:27But do you live on nothing?
01:14:29There must be some of it left.
01:14:32No.
01:14:33No.
01:14:34There is not a penny.
01:14:42Why?
01:14:46Because I gave it all away.
01:14:51You gave it away.
01:14:54All of it.
01:15:01You gave away the chance to have me.
01:15:07Yes.
01:15:09Yes.
01:15:11I gave away the chance...
01:15:15To have you.
01:15:21I tried to buy you once.
01:15:24I was wrong.
01:15:27Now it is you who are wrong.
01:15:29You are too small to accept a free gift.
01:15:32Free gift?
01:15:36Myself.
01:15:51I, Epiphania, on your Santa de Progue...
01:15:56Of Naples, Liberia, London and the world...
01:15:58Being of sound mind...
01:16:00Which I can prove by making more money than the lot of you...
01:16:04Hereby bequeath all my worldly goods...
01:16:06To the order of Epiphania.
01:16:09What is this order of Epiphania?
01:16:11Insofar as I understand it...
01:16:14It is an exclusively feminine community...
01:16:17Open to all women who wish to exchange...
01:16:20A life of conflict with the male species...
01:16:23For... for one of contemplation.
01:16:27Madam Perger will retire to a monastery in Tibet.
01:16:30There...
01:16:32Surrounded by women of...
01:16:33I beg your pardon, ladies of the order...
01:16:35She will spend the rest of her life...
01:16:37Attempting to contact the infinite...
01:16:40By...
01:16:45By...
01:16:47Sinking deep within herself.
01:16:52The monks are at this moment being evicted.
01:16:55Gentlemen, I have done all I can...
01:16:56To urge Madam Perger to reconsider her decision.
01:16:59But she has vowed...
01:17:01She has vowed that after this day's midnight...
01:17:04She will hold no communication...
01:17:06With any living man.
01:17:12Silence!
01:17:17Before you gentlemen are relieved...
01:17:19Of your directorships...
01:17:20I wish to thank you formally.
01:17:23There will be reception this evening.
01:17:25You will all attend.
01:17:27That is all I have to say.
01:17:30Epiphania.
01:17:31Yes?
01:17:32How can you throw all these innocent people out of work?
01:17:36Think of the hardship you will impose...
01:17:37And these helpless directors.
01:17:38How can they make a living now?
01:17:41Let each be given 35 shillings...
01:17:43And the clothes he stands up in.
01:17:45I think I shall look for another job, Julius.
01:17:55What?
01:17:57Don't be hasty, Muriel!
01:18:03Muriel...
01:18:05What did the detective's report say?
01:18:07She makes any excuse to see the Indian doctor.
01:18:11Look, Julius.
01:18:13I've waited eight years.
01:18:15The Indian doctor.
01:18:17The Indian doctor.
01:18:19We could handle him.
01:18:22Yes, I think he'd be the perfect husband for Madam Perger.
01:18:26But the report makes it quite clear that he's failed the test.
01:18:29What?
01:18:31Why did I ever persuade the old man to put in that stupid condition?
01:18:36Goodbye, Julius.
01:18:38Muriel.
01:18:40Muriel.
01:18:42Give me till midnight.
01:18:44Well...
01:18:47Till midnight then, Julius.
01:18:48You are Dr. Kabir?
01:19:02Yes, how do you do?
01:19:04How do you do?
01:19:06What can I do for you?
01:19:10I'm told that you are something of a saint.
01:19:14The drunken old man that wrote these papers is one, but not I.
01:19:19But you devote yourself to the poor.
01:19:21You work for the good of man, for nothing.
01:19:24You live alone, turning your back on all women.
01:19:30Oh, yes, I think you are the saint I'm looking for.
01:19:33Well, at all events, I have no wife.
01:19:36It is my duty to acquaint you with certain details
01:19:39in the will of one Bernardo Onyesanti de Perger, sir.
01:19:43Would you please spare me any more
01:19:46of the post-mortem complications of that dreadful man?
01:19:49But I have no alternative but to plague you, sir.
01:19:51You have gained the unique distinction
01:19:53of rejecting the richest woman in the world
01:19:55and thereby also gained, under the Perger will,
01:19:57a considerable fortune.
01:19:59I am utterly sick and tired.
01:20:01I am utterly sick and tired of being
01:20:03the unconsidered object of the caprices of the Perger family, do you hear?
01:20:08But, my dear sir, I have to tell you that the 28 associated companies
01:20:13of Perger patent medicines now pass entirely under your control.
01:20:18Confound you, sir!
01:20:20Blast you and your monstrous devilish dead employer with you, do you hear me?
01:20:24Blast you, sir!
01:20:26Do you know that I would rather...
01:20:28I would rather sell the contents of these papers than I would accept such a sickening,
01:20:32such a sickening inheritance as a...
01:20:34a patent medicine monopoly!
01:20:39That, too, can be arranged.
01:20:41Well, sir, I do not intend to accept.
01:20:45I will tell Madame Perger that she can give this absurd inheritance of hers to any charity she pleases.
01:20:51Come then, sir, and tell her.
01:20:52Oh, yes, sir, I will tell her. I will tell her tomorrow.
01:20:54If you leave it till tomorrow, there will be the most tragic consequences for all of us.
01:20:57Tragic?
01:20:58For all of us!
01:21:00What do you mean?
01:21:01I mean, sir, that she has vowed to quit the world at midnight.
01:21:07You don't mean...
01:21:08Oh, yes, I do.
01:21:12Oh, that violent, self-destructive woman.
01:21:16I must go to her immediately.
01:21:18Exactly.
01:21:31I will go now to take my final leave of the world.
01:21:44It is almost midnight.
01:22:01Come here.
01:22:04Come here.
01:22:07Quickly. Quickly, Come here. Quickly.
01:22:10Go on, man.
01:22:13Now, Julius?
01:22:16One more moment, my love, and I think we'll all be safely provided for.
01:22:19Now, where's Corelli?
01:22:20Oh, Corelli.
01:22:23Corelli, we're buying these patents in at 30,000.
01:22:27Common cold cure.
01:22:29Cancer antivirus.
01:22:31Looks like a bargain.
01:22:32Yes, well, will you make her a check for 15,000 to Dr. Kabir?
01:22:36K-A-B-I-R.
01:22:38Yes, Mr. Sagamora.
01:22:40And the remaining 15,000 to you, I suppose?
01:22:42No, no, no. To Miss Muriel Pilkington.
01:22:45Pilkington?
01:22:47P-I-L-K-I-N-G-T-O-N.
01:23:01P-I-L-K-I-R.
01:23:02P-I-L-K-I-R.
01:23:03P-I-L-K-I-R.
01:23:07Epiphania, Epiphania, please don't jump.
01:23:10I'm not jumping.
01:23:12Then what are you doing perched up there?
01:23:14I'm sinking deep down.
01:23:15Oh, Epiphania, oh, no, don't jump.
01:23:17Come down from there.
01:23:19Oh, I tell you, I was so...
01:23:21Oh, oh, oh.
01:23:22What is it? What is it?
01:23:25I can't stand heights.
01:23:27Epiphania.
01:23:29I can't stand heights.
01:23:52I have fallen in love with your pulse.
01:24:07Will I live?
01:24:12Probably forever.
01:24:18But also I love you.
01:24:19I love you as a woman,
01:24:24not as a goddess.
01:24:26I love you as a goddess.
01:24:47Besides you, you look so stupid in this silly hat.
01:24:51It is not a hat. It is the Order of Epiphania.
01:24:54Oh, is that what it is?
01:24:55I rather thought it might be the Eiffel Tower.
01:24:58Oh, what are you doing with my Eiffel Tower?
01:24:59I mean with my order.
01:25:01I'm putting it away.
01:25:02Oh, no.
01:25:04There, I have just put it away.
01:25:07Oh.
01:25:09Jow.
01:25:11Jow.
01:25:13What? What is it?
01:25:14What do you mean, jow, jow?
01:25:16From now on you'll jow as I say.
01:25:21Jow, jow, jow.
01:25:22Jow, jow, jow.
01:25:35One, two, three, one.
01:25:36What?
01:25:42Jow, jow.
01:25:51Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:25:56Simple!
01:25:59Why what?
01:26:00¶¶
01:26:30¶¶
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