- 8 months ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00John hey how you doing man Rocky nice to meet you so yeah the boys are waiting for us so let's
00:19let's hop to it cool come call me hi everyone I'm Rocky I'm the producer of talk and shop
00:26basically my role is to keep the boys in line I send the show off when it's ready to off to MLW radio
00:35and most importantly I make sure they don't go over 30 minutes because that is a big no-no here
00:41on talking shop so this is John this is all the cameraman that he's gonna be documenting us
01:02I'm Carl Anderson people here in Japan know me as the machine gun I love that shit over here I'm the
01:22main host of talking shop obviously I'm the most famous of the crew I've been to the G1 final G1
01:31final Hoot famous Hoot sexy Hoot I have lots of different nicknames people wonder some people
01:39say that Luke Gallows would be the most famous because he's been on American TV but this ain't
01:47America this is Japan and this is my shit hey Mark Green how you doing hey look here Rocky's got
01:57him another little acting gig I'm Samantha Haskins and I'm nothing but a two-bit whore I'm just kidding
02:09I'm Luke Doc Gallows and apparently I'm the comic relief of talking shop anyway nice to meet you
02:18nice to meet him name's Mark Johnny buttfucker how are you does he drink
02:21Johnny buttfucking Mark Johnny the buttfucking Mark
02:25oh hell yeah yeah
02:29so basically my boss Korski over at MLW radio has hired a camera crew to follow the boys around
02:49and document the success of talking shop I'm pretty stoked about it ladies and gentlemen welcome
02:56once again to the worst podcast on planet earth what you're saying you dumb son of a bitch
03:02but I'm saying is this take off your pants crack a beer and listen to their talking shop
03:11I feel like I'm gonna throw up because Gallows has been shitting the whole entire time since we've
03:19been sitting here talking shop is our podcast three best friends in Japan all coming together telling our life stories I'm the main guy
03:35Gallows is the funny guy Rocky's the producer talking shop
03:41let's go right until I'm out
03:43oh hell already
03:45oh already
03:47yes
03:48is he outside or is he in here
03:49well let me in
03:51I need you to open the door
03:52is he outside the door or is he in the door
03:54obviously he's outside
03:55let me in
03:56let me in
03:57come on in Fink you dumb son of a bitch
03:59oh fuck you Carl you little dipshit
04:01ladies and gentlemen
04:03welcome
04:04to this week's episode
04:06of
04:07talk
04:08and
04:09shop
04:10here are your hosts
04:12the greatest professional wrestler who ever lived
04:16Doc
04:17Gallows
04:19and his producer slash miniature assistant at Azucar Rock Rocky Romero and the dumbest asshole in the world the machine gun Carl Sanderson
04:36alright Fink get the fuck out of here
04:38why are you such an asshole to me
04:40but what these two meanly bad little assholes don't realize is uh I'm the gimmick I'm the reason it's funny
04:47I'm the reason all the little marks
04:49listen
04:50so without me
04:51there's no fucking show
04:52that's what I said
04:53no
04:54show
04:55as you can tell
04:56we are not
04:58like we usually are in the Tokyo Dome hotel
05:01this is
05:02we can see the Tokyo Dome hotel
05:03god damn it
05:04it's staring at us
05:05it's staring at us
05:06usually the Tokyo Dome is in our sights but
05:08we're not there
05:09we got kicked out of the motherfucker
05:11yeah
05:12god
05:13I gotta blame Gallows
05:14yeah I gotta blame Gallows
05:15guys
05:16what's wrong
05:17that's collective fucking effort
05:18yeah
05:19yeah that is true
05:20we did get kicked out of the Dome hotel
05:22I guess you don't have the real reason why though
05:25I'll tell you
05:27Rocky
05:28little cute hoot
05:30little innocent motherfucking hoot
05:32took a shit in an artificial plant
05:35in the lobby
05:37but being the OGB original good brother that I am
05:40I took the heat for him
05:42not even gun nose
05:50even though
05:52the emails we receive on talking shop suck
05:56let's take an email
05:57let's take an email
05:59hey let's uh
06:00read another damn email
06:01another email
06:02what
06:03I'm sick of these emails
06:04that's why we don't read emails anymore
06:05because they fucking suck
06:07and they're all stupid
06:08and they're all from idiots
06:09like you know
06:10got one with a subject
06:13I know exactly who wants to have this one fucking read
06:16subject
06:17Luke
06:18Doc Gallows
06:19oh hell yeah
06:21let's hear that motherfucker
06:23how excited are ya
06:24you fucking did
06:25you better not be any bullshed at about my wrestling
06:27Doc Gallows
06:28you finally learned how to work when you came work with Carl Anderson
06:31Carl Anderson
06:32ah Carl Anderson
06:34hey
06:36from one
06:38podcast
06:39dot com
06:40what is this
06:42one podcast
06:43dear Luke
06:44Doc Gallows
06:45we are excited to inform you
06:47that your podcast
06:50Cock Torturers
06:52has been picked up for a weekly schedule
06:55sincerely
06:56Jonathan Martin
07:02what the fuck
07:12cut cut
07:13so
07:15I'm thinking about walking
07:16and I got a pretty sweet deal in the works
07:19so if this thing comes through
07:21I should know by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning
07:24they're fucked
07:27Gallows
07:28bathroom
07:29now
07:30Rocky
07:31finish the podcast
07:32come on me
07:33damn it
07:42hello
07:43hoots
07:44here
07:45this is your producer
07:46Rocky
07:47Yasuko Romero
07:48and
07:50I can see the Tokyo Dome hotel from my window
07:54cock torturers
07:56what the fuck is cock torturers
07:59I mean really it's a simple concept
08:01I came up with it on a whim one day when I was about nine
08:04um
08:05I didn't think about all the microphones
08:07and that there would be podcasts
08:08I thought we could do it on regular FM radio
08:10what in the fuck is wrong with you?
08:14is that a real thing?
08:15you want your own podcast?
08:17you want to leave the fame that I've brought you?
08:19I've been telling you for a month I'm the gimmick
08:21I don't get any fucking good treatment out here
08:23I don't even give a dollar off those hood shirts
08:25you and Rocky kept all of it
08:26I made the podcast that's funny
08:28without me it's not entertaining
08:29talking shop
08:30me
08:31main host
08:32you funny guy
08:33Rocky the producer
08:34me sidekick
08:35that's what you are
08:36I'm now fucking sidekick
08:37I made you famous
08:38I'm on my own podcast and now I have it
08:40is cock torturers a real thing?
08:42yeah you're gonna see how fucking real it is too
08:44where grown men walk in a room and jack their cocks off into completion
08:48but what we do is I'll bring in a big celebrity
08:51somebody who everybody knows they want to hear about this guy
08:53instead of hearing boring details about his life and how he got himself famous
08:57we put him in a room
08:58right?
08:59we get a bunch of triple x rated material
09:02I'll set him up
09:03I'll have a clean beat off station okay?
09:05you shouldn't come everywhere
09:06and people fucking listen to that
09:07people listen?
09:08yes!
09:09really?
09:10you're fucked up
09:11fuck you then
09:12quit your fucking stupid podcast
09:14make Rocky your fucking
09:16yeah right
09:23it's simple Tama Tonga is my co-host because he gets it
09:31he gets it the full spectrum
09:33he's worldly
09:35he has great insight
09:36he has magnificent ideas
09:38and that's why
09:39I have asked him to deliver me a star
09:42I need a guy
09:44who's not only monumental in the ways of the world
09:48he doesn't just have a huge Q rating
09:50he's got a huge cock rating
09:52that's what I need
09:53I need a cock rocker
09:55I need somebody to come on
09:56to cock torturers
09:58and set this thing in motion
10:00and if I know Tama the way I think I do
10:02he'll deliver
10:04cock will be rocked
10:06MOTHER OF FUCKING PEARL!
10:16I have just the guy
10:30Nazi Willis?
10:32no
10:33no no no no no no no
10:35even I can't control Nazi Willis
10:37Rocky
10:39Rocky
10:40Rocky
10:42Rocky
10:44Rocky
10:46Rocky
10:47when Rocky gets tired
10:48the motherfucker turns into a baby
10:50he turns back into an actual shoot
10:53a fucking baby
10:54come here
10:55have a beer
10:56no milk cause milk make you tired
10:58have a beer
10:59milky make you tired
11:01he's talking about cock torturers
11:04I'm just thinking about my milky
11:06dude listen
11:08gallows
11:09I've been reading his fucking twitter all day
11:10he's having a press conference
11:12for cock torturers
11:14a press conference
11:15outside the Tokyo Dome
11:16for cock torturers
11:18he's starting his fucking cobs
11:19he's starting his fucking podcast
11:21he's starting his fucking podcast
11:22fuck him
11:23guess what
11:24I've got an idea
11:26I've got an idea
11:27I've got an idea
11:28I've got an idea
11:30come on
11:31come on
11:32come on
11:33come on
11:34here's the plan
11:35it's genius
11:37gallows is so worked up
11:39and worried about this stupid cock torturers thing
11:42and so worried about people torturing their cucks
11:45he's not even going to notice that I'm there
11:47there
11:52genius
12:04today
12:05live
12:06from the Tokyo Dome
12:08I unleash to the world
12:10via press conference
12:12with my associate
12:13Tama Tonga
12:14what will be known
12:16and forever be hailed
12:18as
12:19cock
12:21torturers
12:23hey Greg, bro, we're giving the whole world an opportunity to torture their cocks
12:33you know what I mean?
12:34You know what I mean?
12:40The biggest arena in the world.
12:42Hell yeah, man.
12:44Hell.
12:46Friends!
12:48Friends!
12:50Family, and most importantly,
12:52your church!
12:54I'll be waltz, man.
12:56Never get that damn
12:58me woke up about that property!
13:04Fuck!
13:14Anyway, we're gathered here
13:16today to talk
13:18about the opportunity I
13:20will bring to you my fans
13:22with the biggest celebrities of the
13:24wrestling world.
13:26We will all gather together as
13:28they torture
13:30their
13:32cocks.
13:34OnePodcast.com
13:36has afforded us an opportunity
13:38to bring cock torturers
13:40to you all
13:42around the world
13:44starting next week.
13:46Live episodes from right here
13:48in the Tokyo Dome Hotel.
13:50Maybe
13:52I will bring you and
13:54afford you this opportunity.
13:56I'll be in a room.
13:58I'll bring in said guests.
14:00Introductions will be made.
14:02Pornography strewn about.
14:04And then the room will be mic'd.
14:06I will leave, and you will have the
14:08opportunity to hear these men.
14:10you will have the
14:12cocks.
14:14My sidekick and co-host Tava Tonga
14:16has promised to deliver a savage
14:18beast of the underworld.
14:20A man so large, so dynamic, so star-studded,
14:24he will first torture his cock
14:28and get us on a roll.
14:30And from there, the sky is the limit.
14:34Welcome everyone
14:36to Cock Torturers.
14:40Let me drink the blood
14:42in honor of episode one.
14:48Let the torture
14:50begin!
14:52You want to torture your cock?
14:58Yes!
15:00No famous!
15:02Do you want to torture your cock?
15:04Yes!
15:09Do you want to torture your cock?
15:19Yes!
15:20We're all cock torturers!
15:26You're a cock torturer!
15:38We're all cock torturers!
15:49Good!
15:50What?
15:51Been looking for you everywhere, man.
15:52Got him, son. You okay?
15:53Yeah, I've got a hell of an idea, man.
15:55Oh, hell yeah!
15:57How about guy loves this cock torturer?
15:59No, no, forget cock torturers.
16:00Oh, hell yeah, I've got an idea.
16:02What?
16:03I'll be your co-host.
16:05I'll be like drinking beers, and I go like this.
16:07No, no, no, no, no, no.
16:09Oh, that's horrible.
16:10Son, you can't even drink beer, man.
16:11Oh, hell yeah!
16:12No, hell no, Rock, that's a shitty idea.
16:14Come on, give me a chance, I promise, I promise.
16:16Fucking terrible, you ain't funny, you ain't good looking,
16:18you're short, you're dumber than hell, you can't do it.
16:20You don't tell funny stories, I love you, but you ain't funny.
16:23Hell no.
16:24Oh, hell no, that's what I gotta tell you.
16:25You might be right about all those things, but if you just give me the opportunity,
16:28one chance, one shot, one time, please!
16:30Are you ripping?
16:31I ain't ripping!
16:33Goddammit, are you serious?
16:35Just give me a shot, man, I'm just asking for one shot, one time, that's it.
16:38One chance, motherfucker.
16:39That's it.
16:40One fucking chance.
16:41Let's do it.
16:42Thank you, Famous Who, thank you!
16:45Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
16:50Fans, friends, family, and most importantly, torturers!
16:57Welcome to OnePodcast.com, the inaugural breakthrough episode of something that will change podcasting in all of history.
17:09Episode one of Cock Torturers!
17:14And my first guest, the 300-pound savage beast of the underworld, former Intercontinental Champion, Professional Wrestling Master!
17:27Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the one, the only, Bad Luck Follers!
17:36Man, Cock Torturers is so fucking stupid.
17:41Welcome, Bad Luck Follers!
17:43It's an honor and a privilege to have you here on the inaugural episode of Cock Torturers.
17:50The fans are very excited, and as you can tell, so am I.
17:55Here, let us drink from the cup.
17:57Let us drink the blood, the toast of the inaugural episode.
18:04Oh, I should have got a better bottle.
18:06Anyway, Bad Luck Folletio, I mean Filet.
18:10Here, I have three of the finest lubricants, tissues to create yourself,
18:15a laptop, plugged into the internet, and booked more to sight to the finest, poured out for me.
18:19Even, if you please, a romantic novel.
18:22So, Bad Luck Folletio, this time, my co-host stopped talking our legs through.
18:28The microphone is turned on and turned up, so please, give a pill.
18:34Torture, you cock!
18:39Okay, I don't want to take up any more of the listeners' time.
18:42Let's get to the corn shiming!
18:44Well, hey, have fun with that beast!
18:46I'll be waiting outside!
18:56Okay, let me see.
19:00I can't tell.
19:01I can't tell if he's doing it yet.
19:04I'm a little nervous.
19:05Here.
19:06Oh, oh, oh, good idea.
19:07This always gets me going.
19:09I think I hear a quiet, healthy noise.
19:21Fuck yeah.
19:22Awesome.
19:31I can't wait.
19:32I can't wait.
19:33How is the end result?
19:34I'm going to die the corn shiming!
19:44Bro, you didn't do it.
19:45You didn't do it?
19:46What do you mean you didn't do it?
19:48Did you do it?
19:49Man, are you fucking stupid?
19:52I ain't torturing my fucking cock in front of you.
19:56How am I going to have cock tortures if you're not even going to torture your fucking stupid cocks?
20:04Fucking stupid chicken.
20:06Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Talkin' Shop with your main host, Carl, the Machine Gum, Anderson and Rocky.
20:26Hey guys, how you doing?
20:28G1 Final Hoot, the man who 2012 went to the main event of Ryo Goku Hall.
20:37Look at this rock.
20:38Tell the people what we're looking at right now.
20:39Look at that.
20:40Uh, we're looking at a magazine.
20:42Just me.
20:43And, uh, machine guns on it.
20:45Look at that.
20:46He's shooting a gun.
20:47Famous as fuck.
20:48Tell him.
20:49Torture a talking shop.
20:50The sky's the fucking limit.
20:52I'm the main host anyway.
20:53I never needed Gallows.
20:54He can go off and be his stupid cocking torturing self.
20:58I don't need him.
20:59Yeah.
21:00Hashtag Famous Hoot here.
21:01Running the podcast world, per usual.
21:05I like, uh, I like, I like ham.
21:09God damn it.
21:11I like ham.
21:12Guys, I like ham.
21:19God damn it.
21:20Rocky, are you serious?
21:23I gotta get the fuck out of here with your hat.
21:25Unbelievable.
21:26God, don't leave me by myself, man.
21:32Ham?
21:33Ham, motherfucker?
21:34I like snortin' melatonin off strippers' assholes, but I don't talk about that on the
21:38podcast.
21:39Dickhead.
21:44Alright, this is Rocky Romero from Talkin' Shop signing off.
21:48Woo!
21:59I have to say, that would be pretty good.
22:06Bro, please.
22:07Just do it.
22:08If you don't do it, we're gonna lose the deal.
22:10We're gonna lose the fucking deal.
22:11And then what?
22:12Talkin' Shop?
22:13You gotta do it for me.
22:14Just do it for me.
22:15Do it for us.
22:16Keep the deal.
22:17I'll cut you in.
22:18Maybe 10% more.
22:19Whatever we gotta do.
22:20Okay?
22:21You fucking got this.
22:22If anybody can crank that thing, it should go.
22:24Okay!
22:25Welcome, everyone!
22:26Now, it's all the time to talk to yourself.
22:29Deutsche.
22:30It's cock!
22:31What the fuck?
22:32Nah.
22:33Let's do this.
22:34I quit.
22:35I'll wait.
22:36What I do what?
22:37Where?
22:38Hell no.
22:47Oh, I recognize that nine-foot Bigfoot from fucking anywhere.
23:07Isn't it the cock-torturer himself?
23:10Hello, fuckface.
23:11Hello, dickhead.
23:12How are you?
23:14Well, a little bit better.
23:15The skin likes look soft.
23:16Are your feet cold?
23:17Of course.
23:18Of course he knew that my feet were cold.
23:23He completes me.
23:36And I complete him.
23:40I got something for you.
23:41Thanks.
23:42I know I still like you a little bit.
23:43So, how's cock and chuck?
23:47Terrible.
23:48What?
23:48I made Rocky the fucking co-host and, well, he likes ham.
23:54What the fuck does that mean?
23:56Don't fucking ask.
23:57He sucked.
23:58He's not funny.
23:59He's not charismatic.
24:00He's short.
24:01He's dumber than hell.
24:03Well, we damn knew that now, didn't we?
24:05Right.
24:05Yeah.
24:06Anyway, I was fucking cock-torturers.
24:11Man.
24:12He went home.
24:13Why?
24:14Just horrific.
24:14Well, he didn't even beat his cock.
24:16I can't.
24:16That's the premise of the whole thing.
24:18You gotta beat your cock.
24:20He wouldn't do it.
24:20And then fucking Tama, my co-host, he wouldn't beat his cock either.
24:24So, I'm torture-less on cock-torturers.
24:27So, I'm fucked.
24:29So, are you happy?
24:30You know.
24:30God damn it.
24:31Listen, I don't mean to say I told you so, but I told you, grown men sitting in a room beating their cocks might not be a great concept, my friend.
24:40I thought it was awesome, but...
24:42I've missed you.
24:43God, I miss you too.
24:45Let's go get fucked up.
24:46Let's get fucked up.
24:47Oh, well, yeah.
24:52Let's throw another spear, though.
24:53Oh, yeah.
24:57Beat you.
24:59Come on.
25:01What happened?
25:31What happened?
25:33What is that?
25:33Ah!
25:34He walks, man!
25:35He walks in my perfect game, perfect game, perfect game, perfect game, perfect game, perfect game.
25:37I don't know what the fuck happened last night.
25:42It's Christ.
25:43What the hell?
25:44Oh!
25:44Jesus!
25:46Oh!
25:47What the fuck?
25:48Relax!
25:49Relax!
25:49Hey!
25:49Hey!
25:50Hey!
25:50Hey!
25:50Hold up!
25:51Hold up!
25:52Get down!
25:53Get ahold of yourself!
25:54All right, hold up.
25:55Get him off.
25:55Mmm!
25:56Mmm!
25:56Mmm!
25:57Ah!
25:57Hey!
25:58Oh, Puerto Rican damn it, I can fight!
26:00I'm Puerto Rican man, I'll cut you.
26:04Oh, where's the tape?
26:05Get the tape!
26:05Oh!
26:06Oh!
26:06Oh!
26:07Get him in there!
26:08Get him in there!
26:09Get him in there!
26:10Show us the door, he's an asshole!
26:12Son of a bitch!
26:13Son of a bitch!
26:14Fuck!
26:15Fuck!
26:15Fuck!
26:16Fuck!
26:16What are we gonna do?
26:17We gotta get rid of him!
26:19Should we kill him?
26:20The only thing I remember from that night is...
26:24We recorded an episode of Cock Tortuers!
26:28Cock!
26:30It was actually kinda fun.
26:36Oh shit, I spilled the blood!
26:43You damn gigged that shit, didn't you?
26:48You got a little color.
26:49Any color?
26:50That's how I learned how to work.
26:51You're like Abby!
26:52The boys are back.
26:53Talkin' Shop is back.
26:55Cock Tortuers was a failure.
26:57Talkin' Shop, I hate to admit, was a failure without Gallows.
27:01But now we're back, main hosts, Gallows the funny guy, Rock the producer, all is well
27:08in Talkin' Shop land.
27:09It's damn good to be back in business, boys.
27:12Damn Cock Tortuers was a damn shit.
27:13The boys back in town, I know, I heard that sometimes.
27:16Oh, well, yeah!
27:17Talkin' Shop was a shit without shit.
27:19You should've heard a little rock on the mic.
27:20Well, damn, I'm glad to damn be back.
27:22Anyway, anyway, you're a good kid.
27:24I'll be honest, man, I'm excited.
27:26I'm happy, you know.
27:28It felt like walkin' back into that bar on Cheers again.
27:31You're with your old buddies, you know, you're havin' a blast.
27:34You're talkin' Shop, talkin' Shit, crackin' some cold beers.
27:37We're back at the fuckin' Shit Hotels.
27:39The Metropolitan, go fuck yourself, okay?
27:41Doing ourselves a late-night podcast, drunker than a motherfuckin'.
27:46You okay?
27:48Let me get some dip there.
27:49Hold on, let me get your dip on it.
27:51Get him his milk.
27:52Get him his milk.
27:53Get to some bitch's milk.
27:54Come on, mate.
27:56Get him his time.
27:57Cover your deals.
27:58Okay?
27:59We are family.
28:02All my good brothers.
28:04And me.
28:05I wish you guys, hey.
28:07I wish you could see Big Hood rockin' Sleepy Hood to sleep right now.
28:09Hush, little brother, don't be a mark.
28:13Don't be a little fuckin' stupid mark.
28:17But I would be lying to you if I didn't say that still deep down inside there wasn't a little bit of a yearning and a burning to release to the world the power of the hands that torture the cocks.
28:38That can't really be the guy.
28:42Another beer can.
28:43Give us a little lovesy.
28:44I don't know if the damn...
28:46Hold on.
28:50Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
28:51It's one of the boxers.
28:52It's fuckin' AJ.
28:53Another Kahoot up in this son of a bitch.
28:55Let me get this.
28:56Uncle Allen?
28:57That's right.
28:58Yeah, yeah.
28:59Okay.
29:00Fuck yeah, buddy!
29:11Sex.
29:12Fuckin' Ferguson.
29:30Fuck!
29:32Fuck...
29:33Fuck...
29:35It's all...
29:36Fuck you.
29:37Fuck you.
Comments