- 6 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01Good morning, Daphne.
00:00:06Camelone, you are five minutes late.
00:00:10Sorry.
00:00:18Sure.
00:00:30Nice day, isn't it?
00:00:53Yeah, right.
00:01:00Nice day, isn't it?
00:01:03Sure. Come on, honey.
00:01:09Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a hotel room or something?
00:01:12Oh, honey, why waste your money?
00:01:14Besides, when I get through with you, you'll think you're in heaven.
00:01:18But first, money, please.
00:01:25Oh, Butterfingers me. Could you?
00:01:28Yeah, sure.
00:01:33See, honey, just like heaven.
00:01:36Tony, are you going to be in there all day?
00:01:39I'll be out in a minute, Ma.
00:01:42Tony.
00:01:43Yeah, Ma.
00:01:45We're ready to sit down to dinner.
00:01:47Okay, okay.
00:01:49Jeez.
00:01:50I got a surprise for you, Tony.
00:01:55I invited Debra to dinner.
00:02:00Tony has this obsession with hygiene. He's always in the bathroom.
00:02:05Well, cleanliness is next to godliness, I always say, Mrs. Camelone.
00:02:09Hi, Debra.
00:02:11Hi, Tony.
00:02:13Well, Tony, did you have a nice day?
00:02:15Don't ask.
00:02:16Tony, I got the tickets.
00:02:18What tickets?
00:02:19I told Debra you love birds.
00:02:21So I got tickets to the Audubon Society lecture tonight.
00:02:24It's all about the mating of the African speckle hawk.
00:02:27I think you're confused, Mom. Tony didn't say birds. He said chick.
00:02:32Chicks, ducks, penguins.
00:02:34Same thing.
00:02:36No, Tony promised to help me with my study for my business exam.
00:02:41Yeah, yeah. I didn't.
00:02:43Well, Tony can help you tomorrow night. Debra went to a lot of...
00:02:46But, Louise, I need the carpenter.
00:02:49Oh, that's all right, Mr. Camelone. We can use mine.
00:02:52Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful feast.
00:02:58For the antipasta salad, for the chicken parmesan with Louise's famous sauce.
00:03:06The sideline greenie with the smothered-in-a-green pasta sauce.
00:03:12And for dessert...
00:03:15What's for dessert, Louise?
00:03:16You run a diet, remember?
00:03:18Scratch a dessert.
00:03:20Amen.
00:03:21Uh, excuse me, but...
00:03:23What's the matter, Debra?
00:03:24Uh, well, I forgot, uh...
00:03:27Well, get into her.
00:03:29Maybe you should have made dessert.
00:03:31Sauce.
00:03:34What did you say to her?
00:03:36That you had VT.
00:03:37Which one?
00:03:43Oh.
00:03:51Oh, God.
00:03:52Oh.
00:03:54Oh.
00:04:02Oh.
00:04:08Oh.
00:04:09Oh.
00:04:12Oh.
00:04:13Oh.
00:04:16Oh.
00:04:17Is this yours?
00:04:45No.
00:05:15If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you may be lacking sex appeal.
00:05:20For $19.95, learn how to attract the opposite sex.
00:05:23Learn how you too can achieve sex appeal.
00:05:27At your favorite bookstore.
00:05:34How much is that?
00:05:41Five.
00:05:42Okay.
00:05:43Psst.
00:05:44Psst.
00:05:45Over here.
00:05:46Hey Bernie, how much is sex appeal?
00:06:05Oh, about $36, $28, $36.
00:06:16Come on.
00:06:26Hi, future seducer and all-around sexy guy.
00:06:39Hundreds of men like yourself, in their spare time, have discovered the secrets of sex appeal.
00:06:45If you follow the simple steps outlined in this book, you can turn your dull, drab life
00:06:50into a jungle of steaming, dripping, erotic pleasures.
00:06:55Hmm.
00:06:56Is that the kind of world you want?
00:06:58Yeah.
00:06:59Okay, okay.
00:07:00First step, be cool.
00:07:03Now, the second step.
00:07:06You need a primary base of operation.
00:07:09An oasis to lure those voluptuous, lusting, man-hungry creatures of the night.
00:07:14What?
00:07:15An apartment.
00:07:16A bachelor pad.
00:07:18A place where a man can be a real man, and a woman can be that real man's mate.
00:07:25Name's Donald Formanek, and I'm the, uh, super of this brownstone.
00:07:45I had writer extraordinaire.
00:07:47It's my apartment two-way.
00:07:48So tell me, where are you from?
00:07:49Oh, Jersey.
00:07:50Jersey?
00:07:51Yeah, I'm an accountant.
00:07:52So tell me, you ever written anything I'd have read?
00:07:54Yeah, probably.
00:07:55I write for all the magazines.
00:07:56Oh, yeah?
00:07:57You mean like, uh, People and The Inquirer and Playboy?
00:08:00Hey, let's get something straight.
00:08:01I'm not a hack writer.
00:08:02My articles have appeared in Scientific America, Reader's Digest.
00:08:06We're talking popular mechanics here.
00:08:08Yeah?
00:08:09Is there any money in those kinds of articles?
00:08:10Eh, not really.
00:08:11That's why I'm also working on my novel.
00:08:12You know, the great American novel?
00:08:14Yeah.
00:08:15Okay, here's the vacant one.
00:08:17Ta-da!
00:08:20Isn't it a honey?
00:08:21The apartment goes for $800 a month.
00:08:24So, what I'm going to need from you is one month in advance and two months security.
00:08:28Think you can handle that?
00:08:29Great.
00:08:30Okay, now there is absolutely no animals, no pets, no wild parties, no reconstruction without
00:08:38my permission, no subletting, and most important, you could not use this apartment as a place of business.
00:08:44I think that about covers it.
00:08:47Uh, do you have any questions so far?
00:08:50Yeah.
00:08:51The beer can't come with it?
00:08:53Hey, that's funny.
00:08:55I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:57I like that.
00:08:58It's going to come in handy when the heating and plumbing go out.
00:09:01Just kidding.
00:09:02Well, I looked at six other places, and so far, would you excuse me for a minute?
00:09:08Oh, sure, sure.
00:09:09Go ahead.
00:09:10The right apartment must have separate living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bath.
00:09:21It must have a magnificent view of the city.
00:09:27And above all, it must have privacy.
00:09:33But if all you can afford is one room with a view of a brick wall and a nosy super next
00:09:38door, take it.
00:09:39You've got to start somewhere.
00:09:46I'll take it.
00:09:47The next step, you must cut the umbilical cord with your parents.
00:09:52Leaving?
00:09:53Who's going to take care of you?
00:09:55You're not married, Tony.
00:09:57You don't have a wife.
00:09:58Who's going to make your favorite brownies?
00:10:00Who's going to wash your sneakers?
00:10:02Who's going to make your bed?
00:10:04Louise, come on now.
00:10:05Calm down.
00:10:06Is this the thanks I get for devoting my life to you?
00:10:10You're going to get some kind of horrible disease.
00:10:13Look, Mom, don't you think you're overreacting a little?
00:10:16I mean, it's not like Tony's a child.
00:10:18Ha!
00:10:19Ma, I've got to leave sometime.
00:10:21Tony's right.
00:10:22I think it's time he stands on his own two feet.
00:10:27My baby doesn't love me anymore.
00:10:32Christina.
00:10:33Oh, go calm her down.
00:10:34Look, if Ralph gets you, tell him to wait, okay?
00:10:36You've still seen that schmuck.
00:10:38Oh, Dad.
00:10:39You know, Tony, I think you're doing the right thing.
00:10:46But, uh, you sure you're telling the old dad everything?
00:10:49Huh?
00:10:50Hey, I mean a young guy like you wanting an apartment?
00:10:54What do you got?
00:10:56A couple of honeys on the line?
00:10:58Not exactly, Dad, but I hope so soon.
00:11:01Hey, that's my boy, Tony.
00:11:03You know, when I was your age...
00:11:05Well, let's just say that, um, not too many girls got past your old dad's touch.
00:11:11You know what I mean?
00:11:12It's Ralph, I'll get it!
00:11:13Oh, schmuck.
00:11:15Tony, what I'm trying to tell you...
00:11:18I want you to feel free to come to me with any of your problems, or, um...
00:11:25Yeah.
00:11:26Yeah, if there's...
00:11:28Anything you can't handle.
00:11:30You know what I mean?
00:11:31Okay?
00:11:32Huh?
00:11:33Yeah.
00:11:34Sure, Dad.
00:11:48Now that you've won your freedom, the next step is to appraise your surroundings.
00:12:03Put your imagination to work.
00:12:05Remember, you're trying to create an atmosphere that will make you look alive with sexuality,
00:12:11and make your prey weak in the knees.
00:12:18Great care should go into the selection of your furnishings.
00:12:33The feel should be erotic and sensual.
00:12:48Warning!
00:12:49Do not attempt any skirmishes until you and your place are ready for combat action.
00:13:00Right!
00:13:01Right!
00:13:02Come on, you son of a bitch!
00:13:03I beg your pardon?
00:13:04Do you mind?
00:13:05Your heart!
00:13:06Doesn't mean that champagne woman!
00:13:08I mean, you're the girl on the poster!
00:13:11Yeah.
00:13:12Look, would it be too much to ask you to let me by here?
00:13:13Um...
00:13:14Yeah.
00:13:15I mean, no, no, sure!
00:13:16Go ahead.
00:13:17Um, may I make a suggestion here?
00:13:18Yeah, yeah!
00:13:19Tilt the cone on the floor inward.
00:13:20Mm-hmm.
00:13:21And put the top up.
00:13:22Yeah?
00:13:23And corner it around the door frame.
00:13:24This...
00:13:25Wow!
00:13:26How'd you know how to do that?
00:13:27Just a little common sense and a desire to get to my apartment.
00:13:29I'm Tony.
00:13:30I'm new here.
00:13:31Yeah.
00:13:32Do you live in the building?
00:13:33I'm afraid so.
00:13:34Yeah?
00:13:35Maybe we could get together sometime.
00:13:36Yeah, maybe.
00:13:37She's beautiful.
00:13:38Yeah.
00:13:39She's beautiful.
00:13:40But she's beautiful.
00:13:41Yeah.
00:13:42No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:43He's beautiful.
00:13:44I don't know.
00:13:45I don't know.
00:13:46No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:47No.
00:13:48No, no, no.
00:13:50No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:13:51No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:52No, no, no.
00:13:53No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:54She's beautiful.
00:13:56Tony!
00:13:57Tony!
00:13:58Please, Tony.
00:13:59I need you.
00:14:00I love you.
00:14:01I can't live without you.
00:14:02Tony.
00:14:03Oh, Tony.
00:14:04Won't you tell me that we can maybe go out sometime?
00:14:06Oh, Tony.
00:14:07Yeah, maybe.
00:14:09Maybe.
00:14:10Maybe.
00:14:13He said maybe.
00:14:15He said maybe!
00:14:17Donald, would you like a little advice from your agent?
00:14:23Uh, not really.
00:14:24Tell me how your principals are going to pay the $2,000 you owe in back taxes.
00:14:32The IRS could care less about your moralistic standards.
00:14:35They want their money, baby, just like everybody else.
00:14:38Frank, I am this close to finishing my novel.
00:14:41The great American novel.
00:14:44Donald, who in the hell wants to read about the founding and development of the American sewer system?
00:14:52You still don't think that's a good idea?
00:14:54No.
00:14:56Frank, I'm stymied.
00:14:57I don't know what the hell to do now.
00:14:59You need to make some big bucks fast.
00:15:02Oh.
00:15:03And how am I supposed to do that?
00:15:07Sex.
00:15:08Articles about who, what, where, when, and how about sex.
00:15:13That's what sells.
00:15:14Write me those kinds of articles.
00:15:17Screw your principals.
00:15:19Okay.
00:15:20Okay.
00:15:21Okay.
00:15:22Okay.
00:15:23Where do I start?
00:15:24If I knew that, I'd write them myself.
00:15:29Dumb shit.
00:15:30The outward appearance of your apartment should have that respectable look.
00:15:37With only you knowing what lies beneath it all.
00:15:40Before your first attempt at seduction, may I suggest you try a test run.
00:15:45See that everything works properly.
00:15:47Remember, practice makes perfect in more ways than one.
00:15:52On your mark, get set, go!
00:16:03Shit.
00:16:22Yeah, that means all that looks great!
00:16:23You want to know?
00:16:24You're beautiful.
00:16:25You should consider choosing me.
00:16:26We will still use the ultra-beatниз
00:16:32I am sozusagen for the Accordō ability in the studio!
00:16:37I don't know how to tideflgged over by these two adages!
00:16:42They are defective!
00:16:43You don't know when I stay in the र Richt보��!
00:16:46I can't do that!
00:16:47You don't know!
00:16:48Maybe.
00:16:49ographically.
00:16:50All set. Now what?
00:17:09Now, take a look at yourself.
00:17:13Do you look like Burt Reynolds?
00:17:16No.
00:17:17How about Robert Redford?
00:17:18No.
00:17:18Good. If you did, you wouldn't need this book.
00:17:21Okay, now. Look at your hair.
00:17:24It needs an expert's touch.
00:17:26Cut and style to accent those strong features.
00:17:30Those clothes.
00:17:32What's the matter with my clothes?
00:17:33They've got to go.
00:17:35You want to wear clothes that are fashionable, that will attract women, not repel them?
00:17:40And that body.
00:17:43When was the last time you ran a step?
00:17:45Press some weights.
00:17:46Yes. Most women like a man with a toned, muscular body.
00:17:50Okay. I'll do it.
00:17:55Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:17:56Cut those nose hairs.
00:17:58Oh.
00:17:59Um, um, oh, oh, Ralph?
00:18:04Huh?
00:18:04Oh, God.
00:18:05The steering wheel of stick crushing my back.
00:18:08Oh, those muscles of yours are so big and hard.
00:18:12Sorry.
00:18:13Um, look, why don't we try this?
00:18:16Okay.
00:18:17Um, Ralph, oh, God.
00:18:19The gear shift, it's sticking me in the side.
00:18:21I'm sorry.
00:18:22Yeah, I know you are, Ralph.
00:18:26Why don't we just try to backseat?
00:18:27Hey, guys.
00:18:28Hey, how's it hanging, Ralphie?
00:18:30Hi, Christina.
00:18:31Want some popcorn, guys?
00:18:32Have a beer, Ralph.
00:18:33Christina, you want one?
00:18:34No, thanks.
00:18:35I hope you don't mind us watching the movie with you.
00:18:37Nah.
00:18:37We snuck in and don't have any place to sit.
00:18:40No kidding.
00:18:41How'd you do that?
00:18:42Well, we waited until the guard was just about...
00:18:44Uh, maybe not these either.
00:19:03You got something with a little color?
00:19:05Sure.
00:19:06So what do you think?
00:19:07Oh, not exactly what I had in mind.
00:19:12Oh!
00:19:14All right, you animal.
00:19:21Now that your trap is ready and baited,
00:19:23it's time to stalk your prey.
00:19:25Your first conquest should be a simple one.
00:19:27A woman you already know,
00:19:29but have always been afraid to ask.
00:19:31Pick up the phone and call her.
00:19:34Invite her to your place for drinks.
00:19:36If she says yes,
00:19:37it can only mean one thing.
00:19:39What?
00:19:40Sex, dummy.
00:19:41Oh, yeah.
00:19:44Yes?
00:19:48Stephanie?
00:19:49Stephanie?
00:19:51Yes?
00:19:52This is Tony.
00:19:53Tony?
00:19:54Yeah.
00:19:55Tony Cannelloni?
00:19:56From the office?
00:19:58Tony.
00:19:58Oh, Tony, yeah.
00:20:02What can I do for you, Tony?
00:20:04Well, I was thinking...
00:20:06Do it.
00:20:06Do it.
00:20:07What did you say?
00:20:08Nothing.
00:20:10Well, we've worked together for over a year now,
00:20:12and, uh...
00:20:13Well, we don't really know each other very well,
00:20:15and...
00:20:16And I just thought that, huh?
00:20:19Yes, Tony?
00:20:20Well, I know you're probably busy.
00:20:22We'd never have time to get together for a couple drinks.
00:20:24But I just thought I'd ex anyway.
00:20:27I'm never too busy for you, Tony.
00:20:30I'd love to.
00:20:33Tony, are you there?
00:20:35Yeah.
00:20:36I mean, you said yes.
00:20:38You really said yes.
00:20:40See?
00:20:43Amazing.
00:20:45Well, I'll see you, Steph.
00:20:47Aren't you forgetting something?
00:20:49Like, where do you live?
00:20:51Miss Crenshaw, would you come in here, please?
00:21:13Miss Crenshaw, I have something for you.
00:21:17Well, I don't want it, Joe.
00:21:19Do you remember what you promised me?
00:21:22Well, let me refresh your memory, Mr. Cannelloni.
00:21:25I promise you will never have to do it in the office again, Miss Crenshaw.
00:21:29You promised to treat me like a lady.
00:21:32Hey, why can't you take me to a fancy hotel or something?
00:21:36It's not bad enough you make me work weekends.
00:21:39But you can't even keep a little promise.
00:21:41Miss Crenshaw, you know I don't like hotels.
00:21:43I've been trying to find someone with an apartment.
00:21:45Give me a little time.
00:21:45I promise the next time we get together, I'll go have a nice little place.
00:21:52Don't leave me in this condition, please, Miss Crenshaw.
00:21:56I'll give you a raise.
00:22:00Okay, Joe.
00:22:02This is the last time.
00:22:04And I mean it.
00:22:05How much is the raise?
00:22:11Review your last-minute checklist.
00:22:13Music on.
00:22:16Check.
00:22:17Ice bucket full.
00:22:20Check.
00:22:21Clean underwear.
00:22:22Yeah.
00:22:23Check.
00:22:31Who's there?
00:22:32Tony, you in there?
00:22:35Oh, it's just a minute, Christine.
00:22:39I'll be right there.
00:22:40What's going on in there?
00:22:42Open up, will you?
00:22:51What are you doing here?
00:22:56What kind of welcome is that?
00:22:59What's going on in there anyway, Norgi?
00:23:01This is not bad.
00:23:04Oh, Tony, you know what you can use right there, you know?
00:23:06It's one of those sexy statues and stuff, you know?
00:23:08That'd be great.
00:23:10Oh, over here, Tony.
00:23:10You can have some of those fancy mirrors and stuff.
00:23:13Don't you got no TV?
00:23:15Christina, what do you want?
00:23:16Nothing.
00:23:17Look, I just came by to see what my big brother was up to.
00:23:20Look, Tony, the least you could have done was invite me over to see it.
00:23:22Yeah, yeah.
00:23:23Well, now that you've seen it, Christina, it's time to go.
00:23:25But I just got here.
00:23:26Christina.
00:23:27What is the hurry?
00:23:28I'm tired, Christina.
00:23:29I had a long week at the office.
00:23:30What are you?
00:23:31I'm too big brother.
00:23:33I got it.
00:23:34You got a date.
00:23:35Lay off, Christina.
00:23:37Okay, all right.
00:23:37I promise.
00:23:38No more questions.
00:23:39But look, don't forget to call Mom at night, okay?
00:23:40She's going sick with worry about you.
00:23:42Yeah, yeah, I will now.
00:23:43Bye-bye.
00:23:43Oh, I hope you score tonight, big brother.
00:23:47I've got to get this place ready.
00:23:48Okay.
00:23:48Okay.
00:23:56I'll be right there.
00:24:21Hi.
00:24:27Hi.
00:24:28Well, aren't you going to ask me in?
00:24:30Yeah, sure.
00:24:31Come on in.
00:24:42Two at a time?
00:24:44That wimp.
00:24:47Care for a drink?
00:24:48Sure.
00:24:49I'll take a vodka martini, very dry, on the rocks, with two olives.
00:24:54Yes.
00:25:11Oh, I'm sorry.
00:25:13Oh, no, no damage done.
00:25:16Oh, I'm sorry.
00:25:17I think I'll just take this off and let it dry.
00:25:19It's hysterical.
00:25:30To tell you the truth, Donald, I didn't think you had it in you.
00:25:35Now, just where did you get the idea for this New Jersey Casanova story?
00:25:39Oh, well, I just came up.
00:25:43Fran, this is for $4,000.
00:25:48$4,000!
00:25:50It's only the beginning, Donald.
00:25:53Are you serious?
00:25:54Now, hear this.
00:25:56Playhouse Magazine wants you to do a ten-part series entitled The X-Rated Adventures of the New Jersey Casanova.
00:26:04Well, of course, I told them my client was too busy finishing up a novel and couldn't possibly take on such an assignment.
00:26:09They offered to double the amount per segment.
00:26:11Double?
00:26:12I said no.
00:26:14You said what?
00:26:16We got triple.
00:26:17Triple?
00:26:18We have triple on a ten-part series?
00:26:22Do you know how much money...
00:26:23Triple.
00:26:24Waiter!
00:26:25Your finest champagne!
00:26:26Quick!
00:26:28Uh, I took the liberty of ordering earlier.
00:26:30To the next ten.
00:26:36To the next ten.
00:26:39What?
00:26:39What's the matter, Donald?
00:26:41Nothing.
00:26:42Nothing.
00:26:42To the next ten.
00:26:43To the next ten.
00:26:43Under no circumstances, give your apartment key to your mother.
00:26:54Christina, eat.
00:26:56Ralph will honk when he honks.
00:27:00Tony, you're looking so thin.
00:27:03He looks the same to me, Ma.
00:27:06Haven't you been eating?
00:27:08Here, have some more of my homemade spaghetti.
00:27:10All right.
00:27:12Now, Tony, who's the one that's most concerned about you?
00:27:18You, Ma.
00:27:19And who's the one that's most concerned about your safety and well-being?
00:27:24You, Ma.
00:27:25Oh, that's right.
00:27:27And that's why I think I should have an extra key to your apartment.
00:27:32Louise, don't badger the boy!
00:27:35I'm not badgering him.
00:27:38I'm only concerned about his health.
00:27:40What if he should get sick?
00:27:42Or have a heart attack?
00:27:43Or worse yet, what if some degenerate should break in and attack him?
00:27:47How's anybody gonna know?
00:27:49How's anybody gonna get in?
00:27:50Ask the super for the key.
00:27:52Shut up, Christina!
00:27:52I'm worried sick.
00:27:56But, Ma, the only reason I got the place was so I...
00:27:59Tony!
00:28:02Tony!
00:28:04All right, Ma.
00:28:08You can have the key.
00:28:13I'm gonna hang it right here, where it's gonna be nice and safe.
00:28:17I thought you said you had a place.
00:28:24I did.
00:28:25This is it.
00:28:26This is not what I envisions when you said I'd see stars.
00:28:29Oh!
00:28:29Ah!
00:28:31Shoot!
00:28:32Oh!
00:28:32Put the blanket over there.
00:28:38How's this?
00:28:40Great.
00:28:41Let's get naked, Ralph.
00:28:43Oh, Ralph.
00:28:44Those muscles are so sexy.
00:28:47Oh, Ralph.
00:28:48Ralph.
00:28:48Can I touch your muscle?
00:28:50Ralph.
00:28:51Can I touch your muscle?
00:28:53Oh.
00:28:53Oh.
00:28:57What's that?
00:28:58Nothing.
00:28:58Just slapped a couple mosquitoes dead.
00:29:01Oh.
00:29:03A couple?
00:29:06You meant a couple thousand, didn't you?
00:29:09I...
00:29:09Oh!
00:29:11Ralph!
00:29:12Let's get out of here!
00:29:13Come on!
00:29:15Ralph, hurry!
00:29:17I can't find my keys.
00:29:19Oh, Ralph!
00:29:20Oh, hunky jock or no hunky jock.
00:29:23You better find us a place.
00:29:25Now find those keys!
00:29:26Oh, Ralph!
00:29:31Ouch!
00:29:33Getting women to take notice of you is always easier if you meet them on their own turf.
00:29:40On your days off, stalk the supermarket aisles.
00:29:44Slink through the women's clothes section's department stores.
00:29:47And seek them out at their watering holes.
00:29:50The laundromat.
00:29:51You'll be surprised at the number of available women out there who'll jump at an opportunity
00:29:57to follow you back to your lair for an afternoon of uncontrolled passion.
00:30:04Hi!
00:30:05Do I know you?
00:30:07I'm your neighbor.
00:30:08Remember the sofa?
00:30:09Name's Tony, remember?
00:30:11Oh, yeah.
00:30:11Hi.
00:30:12Excuse me.
00:30:14You know, it seems like you're always in my way.
00:30:18Yes.
00:30:18Hey, what's your name?
00:30:21Corinne.
00:30:23Corinne.
00:30:25Tony!
00:30:26Tony!
00:30:28I'm sorry, I don't remember.
00:30:30What did you say your name was?
00:30:32Corinne!
00:30:33Oh, yes.
00:30:34Corinne.
00:30:34Corinne.
00:30:37Excuse me.
00:30:45Is this why she's being used?
00:30:46Yes, it is.
00:30:47I'm sorry.
00:30:49Don't be sorry.
00:31:04Hi, I'm Bunny.
00:31:06You're new around here, aren't you?
00:31:08Don't tell me you are.
00:31:10I can tell.
00:31:11You just have that brand new look about you.
00:31:15This is my favorite machine, number 14.
00:31:18It's also my lucky number.
00:31:20I'm so glad you didn't use it, because then I'd have to use another machine, like number 5.
00:31:26I used it last August when this little old lady named Bursa came in and used number 14,
00:31:31and, well, it broke down right in the middle of the soak cycle.
00:31:35I started to cry, and I looked all over for another machine, but there wasn't one empty,
00:31:40so I had to wait 32 minutes for another machine to be empty.
00:31:44And then I carried all my laundry, and they were soaking, dripping with water and soap suds,
00:31:50and I had to carry them all the way over there to number 23.
00:31:54What did you say your name was?
00:31:56Tony.
00:31:57Tony.
00:31:57I knew a Tony once, or was it Boney?
00:32:00Whichever.
00:32:01He was so weird.
00:32:03I fixed him tacos for dinner one night, and he wanted to stick them between lines.
00:32:10Women love to talk.
00:32:14Be a patient listener.
00:32:16That big mouth of hers has several other uses,
00:32:19one of which should become apparent quite soon.
00:32:22Right.
00:32:47Hello?
00:32:49Hi.
00:32:51Who is this?
00:32:52Is there something I can do for you?
00:32:54I just wanted to hear your voice.
00:32:56It's been so long.
00:32:58Uh.
00:32:59Uh.
00:33:00What kind of music do you enjoy, Tony?
00:33:03Who is this?
00:33:04How do you know my name?
00:33:07Vivaldi?
00:33:08Vivaldi?
00:33:09No, not me.
00:33:10That's my favorite composer.
00:33:13Those melodies blend so well over a candlelight dinner.
00:33:16Do you enjoy French?
00:33:18Yeah.
00:33:19French, Greek, you name it.
00:33:21French cuisine, silly.
00:33:24Are you from a radio show or something?
00:33:27No.
00:33:28You're so cute, Tony.
00:33:30Bye.
00:33:31Hello?
00:33:32Hello?
00:33:32Hello?
00:33:36Give me a minute.
00:33:38Hi, I'm Bunny.
00:33:40This is a very nice home in here.
00:33:50I thought I'd never find this place.
00:33:53You know, I get lost so easy.
00:33:56Come in, Bunny.
00:33:57I am in.
00:33:58You're funny, Tony.
00:34:01You know, one time I went to visit my aunt on my mother's side, and I got lost for nine
00:34:06hours and ten minutes.
00:34:08First, I took the wrong turn.
00:34:10Then, of course, I was following the wrong road signs.
00:34:13It took me five hours to realize that I was reading the darn road map backwards.
00:34:19Two weeks.
00:34:20He's been there two weeks.
00:34:21Can you imagine the dust balls?
00:34:23They're as big as grapefruits.
00:34:25And the toilet bowl.
00:34:27I don't even want to think about the toilet bowl.
00:34:30Boy, that place.
00:34:32Christina, wish me good luck.
00:34:34I'm off to do battle.
00:34:36Good luck, Mom.
00:34:36Come on, Tony.
00:34:48If you're there, pick it up.
00:34:51Good.
00:35:00My aunt had called the police, and by the time I finally arrived, there were probably eight
00:35:05police cars in the driveway.
00:35:08I said, oh, my God, someone must have been murdered.
00:35:11What a beautiful place you have here.
00:35:15Just like a hotel room at the MGM Grand.
00:35:19And look at your little sofa.
00:35:21My mother has this sofa.
00:35:23It doesn't look anything like yours, though.
00:35:25She has it covered in this rose-colored plastic.
00:35:29In the summer, when you're all hot and sticky from the humidity, and you sit down, you can
00:35:33hardly get up, because you're behind sticks to it.
00:35:37Right blue to your underwear.
00:35:39Can you imagine?
00:35:40Just care for a drink?
00:35:41Oh, I'd love a drink.
00:35:43Oh, I'm, I don't care anything will do.
00:35:46Vodka, whiskey, scotch, tequila, beer.
00:35:50Budweiser's a good beer.
00:35:52The some say Coase is the best.
00:35:54I really don't know.
00:35:56Beer makes me want to go to the bathroom an awful lot.
00:35:59I just can't stay seated.
00:36:00And you know what they say about gin.
00:36:03A couple sips of gin makes you want to sin.
00:36:07Gin it is.
00:36:08Goodness, we've been standing an awful lot.
00:36:11You know, they say if you stand too much, it's not good for your veins.
00:36:14Here you go.
00:36:16Here you go.
00:36:18Cheers.
00:36:18I read in a medical manual once that you can get varicose veins in your legs.
00:36:23But I don't know if that's true or not.
00:36:25Take joggers, for instance.
00:36:27Or football players.
00:36:28They never seem to have varicose veins in their legs.
00:36:32But then again, I guess I just never look close enough.
00:36:37How about a movie?
00:36:38Oh, goody.
00:36:39X-rated films.
00:36:41I love X-rated films.
00:36:43I know this girl who used to work in the beauty shop I go to.
00:36:47She wasn't very good.
00:36:48Anyway, she told me she dated a porn star once.
00:36:52I didn't believe her, but then she convinced me.
00:36:56You know what she said?
00:36:57She said he was the one with the...
00:37:01Well, when they got home, it was only...
00:37:04They must use some kind of trick photography when they make those kind of movies.
00:37:09Oh, you'll love it.
00:37:31Just a minute, Ma.
00:37:31First, you take the peanut butter, about two pounds.
00:37:35Then you add a pound of melted margarine, not butter.
00:37:39Then a pound of sugar.
00:37:40I live here.
00:37:59Aha!
00:38:02That's ball.
00:38:03Ma, I just cleaned yesterday.
00:38:05What's this?
00:38:05Uh, I was just about to hang those to dry.
00:38:08With soap on it?
00:38:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:12Ma, you can't clean today.
00:38:13Why not?
00:38:15Uh...
00:38:16You don't even hang up your phone?
00:38:18What kind of swab did I raise, anyway?
00:38:19Hello?
00:38:23Yeah, he's...
00:38:24Christina, is that you?
00:38:27Since when did you start calling your brother in the afternoon?
00:38:32Oh, just to say hi.
00:38:34Isn't that nice?
00:38:35Christina called.
00:38:36Just to say hi.
00:38:37Isn't that nice, Tony?
00:38:38Yeah, that's nice, Ma.
00:38:40I'll see you in a little while, honey.
00:38:41Okay.
00:38:42Bye-bye.
00:38:42Bye-bye.
00:38:44Ma, you can't clean today.
00:38:45What's going on?
00:38:46Uh, uh, I get a business meeting.
00:38:49Here.
00:38:50On Saturday?
00:38:51Yeah.
00:38:52What's that sound?
00:38:54I don't hear any noise, Ma.
00:38:55Sounds like somebody mumbling a dinner menu.
00:38:57Oh, that, uh...
00:38:59Yeah, that's the soap place.
00:39:00He's watching soap operas.
00:39:01He loves them.
00:39:02He's always watching them.
00:39:03Doesn't sound like any of my soaps.
00:39:05Ma, this meeting's important.
00:39:06They're going to be here any minute, and I've got to get ready.
00:39:08And I'm not important.
00:39:10Of course you are, Ma.
00:39:12I come all the way into Manhattan.
00:39:14Take my life in my hands to clean my son's apartment.
00:39:18And what do I get?
00:39:19I'll tell you what I get.
00:39:21I get a broken heart.
00:39:22Ma.
00:39:23You don't care if my heart's broken, you bum.
00:39:27All right, clean, clean.
00:39:29I can't clean now.
00:39:30I'm too upset.
00:39:32If you don't hear from me in an hour, it means I'm mugged.
00:39:35Chicken parmesan with bubbling tomato sauce.
00:39:55And for dessert, Boston cream pie.
00:40:12God, what's happening?
00:40:17I can't hear.
00:40:19You're going deaf.
00:40:20What's happening to me?
00:40:37Now that you've succeeded in your first conquest.
00:40:41But I didn't.
00:40:42You didn't?
00:40:43Really?
00:40:44Really.
00:40:45Let's review chapters one through five once again.
00:40:49Slowly.
00:40:50Okay.
00:40:57You lucky son of a bitch.
00:41:04Miss Crenshaw.
00:41:06Will you come in here, please?
00:41:07Yes.
00:41:12Miss Crenshaw, I have something for you.
00:41:15No.
00:41:16What?
00:41:17No, and that's final.
00:41:19When you get us a fancy hotel room, maybe I'll think about it.
00:41:24And maybe I won't.
00:41:28Oh, and about that thing you called a raise, keep it, you tightwad.
00:41:37Come on, Ralph, don't your parents ever go out?
00:41:40Oh, Ralph, what are we going to do?
00:41:42Oh, Ralph.
00:41:43Oh, Ralph.
00:41:45Oh, Ralph.
00:41:46Hunger and lust are the two most important elements to man's and woman's survival.
00:41:53Often the female's appetite must be satisfied before she can become that wildly lustful animal you want her to be.
00:41:59You can always tell how sexual a woman will be by the way she eats.
00:42:03The heartier her desires for food, the more insatiable her needs for orgasmic fulfillment.
00:42:09From the Hollywood Hotline comes this exclusive tidbit.
00:42:12Playhouse Magazine's sizzling new serial, entitled The X-Rated Adventures of a New Jersey Casanova, is creating quite a stir amongst the majors.
00:42:21Closed bids for the film rights to the sexual saga are at this very moment being looked at by Playhouse executives.
00:42:28This reporter wonders whether this material might be a little too hot for Tinseltown.
00:42:32And who is this New Jersey Casanova?
00:42:35Is he for real?
00:42:36And if he is and he's watching, I'm in the phone book.
00:42:40That'll be 3680.
00:42:42Sounds like that ought to make some movie, huh?
00:42:44Smut.
00:42:45Nothing but smut.
00:42:48All set?
00:42:49I think so.
00:42:50Good.
00:42:51Yeah.
00:42:52Now be sure to watch for those telltale signs.
00:42:54That sly smile, the subtle compliments, and that erotic good.
00:43:00Yeah.
00:43:02Come on, just take a look.
00:43:05Okay.
00:43:09How you doing, Monica?
00:43:16Oh, not so good today.
00:43:18I'm really beat.
00:43:20Sorry to hear that.
00:43:21Why don't you come on in?
00:43:23Maybe I can fix you up.
00:43:37Come on.
00:43:41I wonder what he's up to.
00:43:43Fine.
00:43:43Nothing.
00:43:46Can I take you far?
00:43:47Oh, no.
00:43:48I don't think so.
00:43:49It's a little chilly in here.
00:43:52I'll turn the thermostat up.
00:43:53That ought to heat you right up.
00:43:54No, it's 72 degrees.
00:43:5772 it is.
00:44:06Oh, no support.
00:44:08Bad for the back.
00:44:10Well, I just bought this the other day.
00:44:12It's really kind of...
00:44:13You don't mind, do you?
00:44:15Not at all.
00:44:16Champagne?
00:44:24Oh, no, thank you.
00:44:27Do you have ginger?
00:44:29Yeah, sure.
00:44:37Good.
00:44:38Well, I guess this glass will do.
00:44:40Cheers.
00:44:42Monica, you look beautiful tonight.
00:44:50I know.
00:44:53Savvy, you had a dance?
00:44:56No, not really.
00:44:57I'm not in the mood.
00:45:00Well, we might as well get right to eat, then, huh?
00:45:02What do you say?
00:45:04Good one.
00:45:06Are you sure I can't take you far?
00:45:07Oh, I'm sure.
00:45:29Oh, aren't you going to join me?
00:45:31Yeah, sure.
00:45:32Good one.
00:45:32It uses up too much oxygen.
00:45:48Oh, start right eating, then, huh?
00:45:51We'll start with my specialty.
00:45:53Shrimp cocktail.
00:45:55I make the sauce from an old family recipe.
00:45:58You're going to love it.
00:45:59Oh, shrimp cocktail.
00:46:04I can't, Tony.
00:46:05It's just loaded with cholesterol.
00:46:09Sorry.
00:46:10Guess I wasn't thinking.
00:46:12Oh, that's okay.
00:46:14Well, we'll move right on to the salad, then, huh?
00:46:17What kind of dressing would you like?
00:46:18I have spicy Italian, blue cheese, Thousand Island.
00:46:22Nothing.
00:46:23I'm on a diet.
00:46:26Italian for me?
00:46:27Nothing.
00:46:28Nothing.
00:46:29Come on.
00:46:30Get it down.
00:46:37Oh.
00:46:40That's...
00:46:41Andive.
00:46:43And you don't eat...
00:46:46Andive.
00:46:47I don't eat Andive.
00:46:52Move right to the entree, then.
00:46:54I'm sure you're going to like this.
00:47:10It's, uh...
00:47:11It's raw.
00:47:15It's supposed to be.
00:47:16It's steak tartare.
00:47:18Well, maybe you got a couple of hot dogs and some ketchup.
00:47:26Monica, may I ask you something?
00:47:30Sure.
00:47:31What is it?
00:47:34Monica, you accept an invitation from me to come to my apartment for dinner.
00:47:39You walk in here complaining how tired you are.
00:47:42You won't take off your fur because it's too chilly.
00:47:44You don't want champagne.
00:47:45You're not in the mood to dance.
00:47:46The appetizer's oozing cholesterol.
00:47:48You hate the salad.
00:47:49The entree's too raw.
00:47:50Then you ask...
00:47:51Then you ask me for a couple of hot dogs and ketchup.
00:47:54What's the matter with you, Monica?
00:47:55Don't you like anything?
00:47:57Yes.
00:47:58Well, what do you like?
00:48:01Well...
00:48:02What did you say?
00:48:09You heard me.
00:48:10No, I didn't.
00:48:11What did you say?
00:48:12You did.
00:48:13There's only one little problem.
00:48:15What?
00:48:16What's the problem?
00:48:17You screamed.
00:48:18That's all right.
00:48:20I don't mind.
00:48:21You don't mind what?
00:48:22And any mortal man might have called it a day.
00:48:24But not the New Jersey Casanova.
00:48:27Oh!
00:48:28Oh!
00:48:28Oh!
00:48:29Oh!
00:48:30Oh!
00:48:30Oh!
00:48:32Hello.
00:48:34Tony, this is your mother.
00:48:36Do you remember me?
00:48:37I'm the one who brought you into this world.
00:48:40Yeah, hi, Ma.
00:48:40What do you want?
00:48:41What do I want?
00:48:42I want my son's love.
00:48:44You never call me anymore.
00:48:46Ma, I just called you this morning.
00:48:48Tony, that was a long time ago.
00:48:52What is that shrieking?
00:48:53It's a wild animal show about the mating habits of the female bingo.
00:48:58Bingo?
00:48:59Tony, I'm worried about you.
00:49:01You're spending too much time by yourself.
00:49:04Yeah, you're right, Ma.
00:49:05I am?
00:49:06What channel is that animal show on?
00:49:08Uh, it's a cassette, Ma.
00:49:10I'll loan it to you sometime.
00:49:11Listen, I gotta go.
00:49:12I'll call you later, all right?
00:49:14Bye.
00:49:14Always be considerate of your sexual partner.
00:49:23It's your duty to help her reach an orgasm, too.
00:49:26What about me?
00:49:27See you later, Mom.
00:49:28Oh, Tony.
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:31See you later, Mom.
00:49:32Christina, don't be late for dinner.
00:49:47Hi.
00:49:47Oh, Joe, turn that up.
00:49:52Maggie Mason's my favorite.
00:49:54My Hollywood spy report said Mark E. Bell, famous low-budget sexploitation film producer,
00:50:00is the winner in the Playhouse New Jersey Casanova bidding war.
00:50:04It is said he is about to ink a big deal with author Donald Cromeronek to bring the now-infamous
00:50:09Casanova stories to the big screen.
00:50:12Asked if the movie will carry an ex, Missy E. Bell said, they'll have to redefine ex when
00:50:18I'm through.
00:50:18Who wants to watch trash like that?
00:50:35So, what's for dinner?
00:50:38Food.
00:50:45Can I help you?
00:50:46Um, I think you're the one that needs the help.
00:50:50Yeah, I guess I do.
00:50:52Anyway, I'm quite capable of handing it myself.
00:50:55Thank you very much.
00:50:58I only meant to...
00:51:01Oh, Tony, I'm sorry for any champagne splash at you at the restaurant.
00:51:06I love you so.
00:51:07I'll do anything for you.
00:51:09I dream of cooking your meals, of washing your clothes, of carrying your groceries, of darning
00:51:14your socks.
00:51:14I don't have wools in my socks, and I'm quite capable of handling the rest myself.
00:51:22Oh, Tony, just one kiss.
00:51:23Tony, Tony, please.
00:51:26Very well if you insist.
00:51:27You have reached the residence of Anthony Cantaloupe.
00:51:42All lines are busy at the moment.
00:51:44Please leave your message after the signal.
00:51:46I love you.
00:51:48Hello?
00:51:49Hello?
00:51:50Hi, Anthony.
00:51:52Remember me?
00:51:53Oh, yeah.
00:51:55How you doing?
00:51:56Oh, fine.
00:51:58A little lonely.
00:52:00Wouldn't it be lovely to take a long walk on the beach tonight?
00:52:04Sure.
00:52:05There'll be a full moon.
00:52:06I could bring a bottle of wine.
00:52:09Chilled white wine.
00:52:11Oh, and our toes curling in the sand.
00:52:14Yeah, that would be great.
00:52:17I could bring a blanket, too.
00:52:19Oh, we don't need a blanket.
00:52:21We'll have the waves to caress our naked bodies.
00:52:24Oh, yeah.
00:52:25I'd like that a lot.
00:52:27Thank you, Anthony.
00:52:29I feel much better now.
00:52:32Have a nice evening.
00:52:34Wait.
00:52:35Oh, don't hang up.
00:52:38Damn.
00:52:38Damn.
00:52:38Damn.
00:52:39Damn.
00:52:40Damn.
00:52:40Damn.
00:52:41Damn.
00:52:42Damn.
00:52:43Damn.
00:52:44Damn.
00:52:45Damn.
00:52:46Damn.
00:52:47Damn.
00:52:48Damn.
00:52:49Damn.
00:52:51Damn.
00:52:52Damn.
00:52:53Damn.
00:52:54Damn.
00:52:55Damn.
00:52:56Damn.
00:52:57Damn.
00:52:57The only thing I like about your father working late is the fact that I can have the TV set
00:53:02on during dinner.
00:53:03Ma, he never works late.
00:53:05So I'll enjoy it this once.
00:53:06He said something about an out-of-town customer or something.
00:53:10Oh.
00:53:12Hey.
00:53:13Hey, Ma, that's my super.
00:53:15Mr. Grimronic, may I call you Donald?
00:53:17Oh, yeah, sure.
00:53:18Tell us, Donald, are you and the New Jersey Casanova one and the same?
00:53:25Come on, Donald.
00:53:26Well, everyone's dying to know if your now-famous character is fact or fiction.
00:53:30Well, I'll never tell.
00:53:31Who cares?
00:53:32Ma, the guy's a celebrity.
00:53:35I'll get it.
00:53:39Hello?
00:53:39Tony?
00:53:40Hi, it's Christina.
00:53:42Yeah, could you do me a favor and tell Mom I'm not going to be home for dinner tonight?
00:53:46Yeah, I'm going to have a bath.
00:53:48Okay.
00:53:49Thanks a lot, big brother.
00:53:50I'm going to have a bath.
00:53:51Come on.
00:53:52Mrs. Clarence?
00:53:53Come on.
00:53:54Come on.
00:53:55Come on.
00:53:56Come on.
00:53:57Come on.
00:53:58Come on.
00:53:59Come on.
00:54:00Come on.
00:54:01Come on.
00:54:02Drive on.
00:54:03Now what's the matter?
00:54:04It's my daughter and that schmuck, Ralph.
00:54:05So?
00:54:06So, they're headed to the apartment.
00:54:07I have all the nerve asking me out when I'm not even getting paid.
00:54:09I canceled my nail appointment for this.
00:54:10Take me home, please.
00:54:11The same address we just came from.
00:54:13Who is this?
00:54:14Who cares?
00:54:15I need new characters anyway.
00:54:16Brrrr.
00:54:17Why don't you?
00:54:18Why don't you?
00:54:19Mrs. Clarence?
00:54:20Why don't you get me?
00:54:22I'm sorry.
00:54:23I have all the nerve asking me out when I'm not even getting paid.
00:54:25I canceled my nail appointment for this.
00:54:27Take me home, please.
00:54:28The same address we just came from.
00:54:33Who is this?
00:54:34Who cares?
00:54:35I need new characters anyway.
00:54:39I'm sorry.
00:54:40I'll do my best.
00:54:41I'll do my best.
00:54:42I'll do my best.
00:54:43La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
00:54:49Uh, Mr. Smith, this is the sex shop.
00:54:54Your order is ready to pick up now.
00:54:57Hi, this is Sheri.
00:54:59The only time I can make it this month is 9 o'clock tonight.
00:55:03I'll see you then. Bye.
00:55:06Damn, Ralph, it's 8.30, we gotta get out of here.
00:55:09Tony's gonna be back any minute. Come on.
00:55:10But Christina...
00:55:11Let's go, Ralph. Come on.
00:55:15Sorry, Mom. Something's come up. I'll call you tomorrow.
00:55:18Ha! Call me tomorrow. That'll be the day.
00:55:20Please leave your message after the signal. I love you.
00:55:24This is Sherry again.
00:55:26On second thought, drop dead.
00:55:29Don't feel guilty about taking a day off.
00:55:32Singles bars at night or a zoo.
00:55:34Too much competition.
00:55:36In the daytime, you'll have your pick of the litter.
00:55:39This isn't the time for beating around the bush.
00:55:42Use that direct approach. Show them what you're made of.
00:55:46Hi. I'm Tony.
00:55:48I was admiring you from afar, and I was wondering if, uh...
00:55:52Maybe you might like to move on my apartment for a little romantic rendezvous.
00:55:56Bug off, creep.
00:55:58Yeah, right.
00:55:59Are you sure no one's gonna be here this time?
00:56:13Yeah, Tony's at work and Christina's at school.
00:56:15Well, this is nicer than a hotel, Joe.
00:56:20Um, yeah.
00:56:22And there's the bed.
00:56:24Yeah, a bed.
00:56:26If the direct approach doesn't work, try the hurt and innocent role.
00:56:37Many women love to play mother.
00:56:39Excuse me.
00:57:00Do you have a handkerchief?
00:57:02Uh, sure.
00:57:06What's the matter?
00:57:07Did somebody die or something?
00:57:11No, it's worse than that.
00:57:14Nobody loves me.
00:57:15Oh, don't say that.
00:57:17There's gotta be somebody in this world who loves you.
00:57:20No, buddy.
00:57:23You poor baby.
00:57:26Why don't you buy mama a pina colada?
00:57:29And tell her all about it.
00:57:32All right.
00:57:34Bartender, two pinas.
00:57:40He's gonna be busy all night.
00:57:42Come on.
00:57:42Come on.
00:57:43Come on.
00:57:50Ralph, a Murphy bed.
00:58:03Murphy who?
00:58:05Never mind, Ralph.
00:58:07Come on.
00:58:07Come on.
00:58:12Oh, Ralph.
00:58:16Alone at last.
00:58:18Privacy.
00:58:20So I get off work early, buy her a dozen red roses, her favorite perfume, and a box of
00:58:29chocolate covered cherries, and she was...
00:58:32Oh, go on, sugar.
00:58:34Get it all out.
00:58:36I come home to our little loveless to surprise her, and she was there.
00:58:43Go on.
00:58:44Go on.
00:58:45She was showing off her ankle bracelets to two sailors.
00:58:51Oh, poor baby.
00:58:53I know just what you need.
00:58:55You need a woman to take you home and comfort you.
00:58:59Yeah, now.
00:59:00Oh, no, I can't.
00:59:01I'm here with my girlfriend.
00:59:03Unless you don't mind her joining us.
00:59:06You mean a trisome?
00:59:07No, a menage a trois.
00:59:10Oh, wait.
00:59:11Where is she?
00:59:13Sheila!
00:59:14Sheila, come here.
00:59:23Let's go.
00:59:29Oh, Ralph, those packs.
00:59:30You're not only sexy, but you've got talent.
00:59:35Oh, my God.
00:59:38Ralph, grab her clothes.
00:59:40Here.
00:59:41No.
00:59:44Uh, no.
00:59:45Come on.
00:59:46Go.
00:59:49Hmm, not bad, Sheila.
00:59:51Think it'll do, Sheila?
00:59:54It'll be fun.
00:59:55Yeah, yeah, you like it?
00:59:57Oh, check this out.
01:00:06This is my great ball.
01:00:08Oh, look, I got everything.
01:00:08Great.
01:00:09Great, I didn't miss a thing.
01:00:12All right, let's get time for that later.
01:00:13Let's do some.
01:00:14Look at that.
01:00:15Look at that.
01:00:16Check this out.
01:00:18This is my stereo system.
01:00:19I put it in myself, see?
01:00:21It's got a little accent here.
01:00:22You like that?
01:00:23Yes, great.
01:00:27What's Tony Cameloni about?
01:00:30No, he called in sick today.
01:00:32Sick?
01:00:33Can I use your phone?
01:00:35Use the one on Tony's desk.
01:00:47Oh, I'll get it.
01:00:48We don't want any disturbances, Tony, darling.
01:00:51Hit it, Sheila.
01:00:54Oh, my God.
01:00:55Oh, my God.
01:00:57Is something wrong?
01:00:59It was ringing nicely, and then, I don't know.
01:01:02Thank you for letting me use the phone.
01:01:04Sure.
01:01:05I think there's been some mistake.
01:01:08There's no mistake.
01:01:11Hey, how about a drink?
01:01:12Yeah.
01:01:14Oh, my God.
01:01:16This is positively kinky.
01:01:21Maxi!
01:01:22Maxi!
01:01:23Isn't he cute?
01:01:23Isn't he cute?
01:01:25I love guys that wear bracelets.
01:01:28My money's in my wallet.
01:01:30It's in my back pocket.
01:01:32It's not your money we're interested in.
01:01:34It's not?
01:01:35We're interested in you.
01:01:37Are you ready, Sheila?
01:01:38Yeah.
01:01:39One, two, three.
01:01:50I'm going to watch.
01:01:53I'm going to watch.
01:01:53Oh, God.
01:02:02This is the best stuff yet.
01:02:05Oh, Holly.
01:02:06Ah!
01:02:10Boy, Big Brother had me fooled.
01:02:12The two ladies in question got a little out of head.
01:02:19So you're going to be uncooperative, huh?
01:02:25Oh, all for you.
01:02:29Why, thank you.
01:02:31Oh, so beautiful.
01:02:34Bums away.
01:02:36Oh, no.
01:02:38Sheila.
01:02:40Such beautiful pictures I've never seen.
01:02:46Don't break that.
01:02:48One, two, three.
01:02:53The cleaning bill.
01:02:55My God, he's going to wreck that apartment.
01:02:58But who cares?
01:03:00After all, he's the New Jersey Casa.
01:03:06Nova.
01:03:21Good job.
01:03:26Good job.
01:03:28There you go.
01:03:30Super.
01:03:33Good job.
01:03:35Hello?
01:03:36Mom, don't do it!
01:03:41Tommy?
01:03:42Who are you?
01:03:43I'm his mother!
01:03:45Oh, my God!
01:03:46Oh, no.
01:03:47You just started.
01:03:48Nothing really happened.
01:03:49Who are you calling?
01:03:50The police!
01:03:51Oh, no, you're not!
01:03:53Oh, yes, I am!
01:03:56All right, buddy!
01:03:57Freeze!
01:03:58Leave that light below!
01:03:59No!
01:04:00Hands up!
01:04:01Wait a minute, wait a minute!
01:04:02You don't understand!
01:04:03You don't understand!
01:04:05What's going on?
01:04:06Let me just explain!
01:04:07Wait a minute, wait a minute!
01:04:08You don't know when to see what's going on in my life!
01:04:10What's going on?
01:04:11What's going on?
01:04:12Let me just explain!
01:04:13Wait a minute!
01:04:14Hey, Ron!
01:04:15We got company!
01:04:20Oh, my God!
01:04:25Hands up!
01:04:28Don't shoot!
01:04:29Don't shoot!
01:04:30Dad!
01:04:31Joseph!
01:04:35Where the hell is the fire?
01:04:36Fire?
01:04:37Where's the fire?
01:04:38Christina!
01:04:39Christina!
01:04:40Christina!
01:04:41You can't!
01:04:42You can't!
01:04:43They'll find out who he is!
01:04:44I won't let you help him!
01:04:45They'll never know who he is!
01:04:46Who is he?
01:04:47Who is he?
01:04:48Who is he?
01:04:49He's the New Jersey Casanova!
01:04:55Me!
01:04:56Oops!
01:04:57You can't hear him!
01:04:58The New Jersey Casanova!
01:04:59Oh!
01:05:00Oh!
01:05:01Oh!
01:05:02Oh!
01:05:03Oh!
01:05:04Oh!
01:05:05Oh!
01:05:06Oh!
01:05:07Oh!
01:05:08Oh!
01:05:09Oh!
01:05:10Oh!
01:05:11Oh!
01:05:12Oh!
01:05:13Oh!
01:05:14Oh!
01:05:15Oh!
01:05:16Oh!
01:05:17Oh!
01:05:18Oh, oh!
01:05:20Oh!
01:05:21Oh!
01:05:22Oh!
01:05:23Oh!
01:06:24You've reached the residence of Anthony Cannelloni. All lines are busy at the moment.
01:06:36Tony. Tony, are you there?
01:06:38Hi.
01:06:42You sound blue.
01:06:44Try dark black.
01:06:46That bad, huh?
01:06:48Sounds like you could use some cheering up.
01:06:50I don't think that's possible.
01:06:52Well, maybe I could come over and...
01:06:55Look, why don't you just call someone else? I'm just not in the mood to be teased anymore.
01:07:00I'm not teasing, Tony.
01:07:03You're not?
01:07:04Uh-uh. I'll be right over.
01:07:06Look at this place.
01:07:13I'll never be able to get it fixed up in time.
01:07:17What's the use? She won't come anyway.
01:07:19Oh, Tony, please.
01:07:37I'm sorry. I was expecting somebody else.
01:07:40Me.
01:07:41You've been the girl on the phone, huh?
01:07:47I'll be waiting
01:07:49Right behind you
01:07:55When I find you
01:07:59Won't you stay?
01:08:03See?
01:08:03I told you so
01:08:05Patience
01:08:07Patience
01:08:09Like I always say
01:08:10Whenever I don't...
01:08:12You pray
01:08:13Of any type of friend
01:08:16Could you
01:08:19Fall for me
01:08:21Once again
01:08:22I say
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