- 7 weeks ago
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32The End
00:01:34PassingWords
00:01:38Left
00:01:40Left
00:01:41Left
00:01:42Major
00:01:46Left
00:01:48Left
00:01:49Left
00:01:50Left
00:01:51Left
00:01:52Left
00:01:54Left
00:01:54Left
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:40Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:51Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:57It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:16I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:32Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane.
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:17Love and rainy weather.
00:05:23Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39For what?
00:05:40Cutting a rug.
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:43Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:45It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:47Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:49Right?
00:05:50What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:51Right.
00:05:52Right on.
00:05:53You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:56Tonight.
00:05:57Tomorrow night.
00:05:58Every night.
00:05:59They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:02Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:04Really.
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hustle.
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:12We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their old things.
00:06:18The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:26And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:30It's his birthright.
00:06:34I'm not hungry.
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:51No, no, no, no.
00:06:59I enjoy staying and chatting of an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:06I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it, Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who. I sacrificed too much for your six old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:34Terrific self-control.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:43The End
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul. Not a dirty weekend. A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night night, Percy Filth.
00:08:15Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:25It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:42Oh, Sandra.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra, you're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like, how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26No, it does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Studd.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother, in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty's sleep has done nothing for her.
00:12:44This snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:58Still, who else did have him?
00:12:58Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:09Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:16I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:19Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:22At least I've got me proud.
00:13:24Oh, hello.
00:13:26Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:34Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:37Are you going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well...
00:13:41No. I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:12Super socks.
00:14:13Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27They score.
00:14:28Losing.
00:14:293-1.
00:14:42They score.
00:14:43Losing.
00:14:443-1.
00:14:45They score.
00:14:46Losing.
00:14:473-1.
00:14:48Excuse me.
00:14:49Excuse me.
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:20I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim. I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12It's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:16Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:20You having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:26You've just eaten.
00:16:28Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:30Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was all this trying to do...
00:16:38By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:00Probably.
00:17:06You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:08Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:10It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:12And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:14Like a person.
00:17:20Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:22Sex?
00:17:24Marriage.
00:17:26Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:30A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:38Get married?
00:17:40Hmm.
00:17:41No.
00:17:46Actually, I find girls, most girls, it is.
00:17:50A bit obsessed these days.
00:17:52It's not marriage.
00:17:54No.
00:17:56Sex.
00:17:58Where's he feel?
00:18:02Sex.
00:18:03That's what I said.
00:18:04Oh.
00:18:05Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:07Not person felt motivated.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:13Oh.
00:18:14Oh.
00:18:15Mm.
00:18:16Mm.
00:18:17Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:18Ken Russell?
00:18:19Yeah.
00:18:20No.
00:18:21No.
00:18:22This is it.
00:18:23This is it.
00:18:24I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:25No.
00:18:26Oh.
00:18:27Oh.
00:18:28Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:29Oh.
00:18:30Anywhere me mum's gone to bed.
00:18:31We'd be on our own.
00:18:32Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:18:33Yes, Geoffrey.
00:18:34Oh.
00:18:35Oh.
00:18:36Oh.
00:18:37Oh.
00:18:38Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:18:39Yes, Geoffrey.
00:18:40Oh.
00:18:41Oh.
00:18:42Oh.
00:18:43Even Evenedill.
00:18:44Oh.
00:18:45Oh.
00:18:46Oh.
00:18:47Here kids.
00:18:48Mmm.
00:19:09Oh.
00:19:12Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night, night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three two seven double four two one.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:30Do you want me to try.
00:20:32Do you want me to live?
00:20:35Let's hear it.
00:20:40Do you want me to do it?
00:20:45well hello mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04they all have a past life flashed before me then can't be Mother's Day you'd have
00:21:13forgotten has there been any clips mom I want the benefit of your experience what
00:21:22you think of Andy Warhol you see Jeffrey has this theory that by implication who's
00:21:27Jeffrey of course Jeffrey knows about these things oh these things everything
00:21:33who's Jeffrey it's fantastically intelligent see Jeffrey's idea better
00:21:39who's Jeffrey oh no one no one special his name's Jeffrey
00:21:58how did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:22:02I told him did she uh did she uh what wow
00:22:14she doesn't then you don't listen do you I said how about Sandra?
00:22:21chips
00:22:27chums
00:22:28sod
00:22:30not seeing him tonight then
00:22:35who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do thank you
00:22:55said he was no one special
00:22:57got a phone here
00:22:59why
00:23:01they haven't have they
00:23:04did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07if I did do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10look are you fed up here?
00:23:12are you?
00:23:14we'll split after this game
00:23:16anything you say
00:23:17we can go for a few of the king's head
00:23:18great
00:23:19and that ends our probe
00:23:22well Monday tomorrow
00:23:24hallelujah
00:23:25pardon
00:23:26I don't know what you're paying for that phone but whatever it is you're being done
00:23:30good night
00:24:00good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:02good morning
00:24:10Chalton for Pope
00:24:11long may you reign
00:24:12amen
00:24:13what's going on?
00:24:15pounds up again
00:24:17oh god
00:24:19today's special
00:24:21bloody travellers Jax
00:24:23here
00:24:24suddenly everyone's going on holiday
00:24:26except those
00:24:27enjoy yourself while you're young
00:24:29why don't we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day
00:24:49we never see anything
00:24:51I don't see anything
00:24:52I don't see anything
00:24:53I don't see anything
00:24:58in the valley
00:24:59my timing not disturbing your singing I hope
00:25:00see Geoffrey on Sunday
00:25:05oh Geoffrey
00:25:06that medal's the greatest
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream back in Films.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:39Fate.
00:26:40All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:41So what?
00:26:43Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:45Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:46Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:47Is that Beryl?
00:26:48Yes.
00:26:49Yes.
00:26:50Hi.
00:26:51Hi.
00:26:52Hi.
00:26:53Hi.
00:26:54Hi.
00:26:55Hi.
00:26:56It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:26:57Getting to know a person.
00:26:58It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:26:59Getting to know a person.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:03Getting to know a person.
00:27:04Fantastic.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:07Getting to know a person.
00:27:08Fantastic.
00:27:09I want to know all about you.
00:27:10That's what it's all about.
00:27:12For example, with things in common with a mother's blood,
00:27:14it's kind of something we get to know something with a mother's blood.
00:27:17It's beautiful.
00:27:18There's a beautiful room with a mother who can hear me and make a mother.
00:27:19Certainly not.
00:27:20You're mine.
00:27:21Very little, but you didn't.
00:27:22Absolutely.
00:27:23We can't.
00:27:24See, I'll see you.
00:27:25Bye-bye.
00:27:26We'll see you next time.
00:27:27Bye-bye.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:31Bye-bye.
00:27:34Bye-bye.
00:27:35Bye-bye.
00:27:36Who?
00:27:37Bye-bye.
00:27:38Bye-bye.
00:27:39Bye-bye.
00:27:40Bye-bye.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:44About what?
00:27:48We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:51Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:07Istanbul?
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just... just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:43Mmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed,
00:28:52his stride quietly casual,
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident
00:28:57and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed,
00:29:01assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey?
00:29:05You have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:07Really?
00:29:08You know, lopsided.
00:29:10I don't think I have.
00:29:12It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:14See?
00:29:16Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:19He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:21It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:23It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:24Men can do anything.
00:29:26Conquer Everest.
00:29:28Do heart transplants.
00:29:29Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:31Anything!
00:29:33Geoffrey!
00:29:35No spells no!
00:29:37It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:39Read any women's man.
00:29:41It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:43It's good for ours too.
00:29:57I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:01Well, I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:04All Saturdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:29Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to port.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich?
00:31:48Is it all sardine?
00:31:49Yeah.
00:31:50She's got her own trawler.
00:31:51Isn't it awful?
00:31:52What?
00:31:53I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:54What's happening in the world?
00:31:55I blame the politicians.
00:31:56What for?
00:31:57What for?
00:31:58What's happening in the world?
00:31:59Talk to her.
00:32:00Can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:01Tasty.
00:32:02Very in oil.
00:32:03She's got a bad leg.
00:32:04The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:05Oh, I have this little baker down there.
00:32:06down the road.
00:32:07he does something with the bleach.
00:32:08I have this little baker.
00:32:09he does something with the bleach.
00:32:10I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:11he does something with the bleach.
00:32:12Yes.
00:32:13Yes.
00:32:14Yes.
00:32:15I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:16Yes.
00:32:17I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:18I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:19He does something with the bleach.
00:32:20Yes.
00:32:21Can't do long conversations about sardines sandwiches.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sorting so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses. All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey. I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type? Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky. Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Course not. Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04No.
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:09In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:19You'll never thump me, will you? Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:37He used to talk to me.
00:34:39All right.
00:34:40Let's talk.
00:34:45Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:47Why?
00:34:48Is your mum going out?
00:34:52May as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:00Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too.
00:35:12It was real.
00:35:13Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:16I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:24Oh, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:26Good.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well red barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:35:57You'll never thump me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to put it up?
00:36:07No.
00:36:08We're going to pack it in.
00:36:09Don't say that.
00:36:10Please don't say that.
00:36:11That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:20Two months?
00:36:21Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:43Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:46Often.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:48Once.
00:37:04Was itself�, everybody?
00:37:08Was this doing to be automated?
00:37:09That's the only thing?
00:37:10Is she supposed to be very tired,
00:37:12but it's also very It's time forР!
00:37:13It's time for the rack.
00:37:14Don't do it.
00:37:15John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:45Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:21All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:41And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:38:59Daryl?
00:39:00Yeah.
00:39:01I haven't really looked.
00:39:06Seen one.
00:39:07You've seen them all.
00:39:08Not quite all.
00:39:09I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:13Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:15Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:19I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:20They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:21Yes they are.
00:39:22Mmm.
00:39:23Oh you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:24Wasn't it?
00:39:25Mmm.
00:39:26Mmm.
00:39:27Mmm.
00:39:28Mmm.
00:39:29Mmm.
00:39:30Mmm.
00:39:31Mmm.
00:39:32Mmm.
00:39:33Mmm.
00:39:34Mmm.
00:39:35Mmm.
00:39:36Mmm.
00:39:37Mmm.
00:39:38Mmm.
00:39:39Mmm.
00:39:40Mmm.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:43Mmm.
00:39:44Mmm.
00:39:45Mmm.
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:49Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Mmm.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Mmm.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:29What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:30I don't believe that question.
00:40:31You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:32I was 11 years old.
00:40:33He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:34I was 11 years old.
00:40:35I was 11 years old.
00:40:36He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:40I was 11 years old.
00:40:41I was 11 years old.
00:40:42I was 11 years old.
00:40:43He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:47I have to say goodbye.
00:40:48Poor侮.
00:41:01Iression.
00:41:04what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:57testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do don't my mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake him up and tell him Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica
00:45:35yes
00:45:36who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07tomorrow's another day
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens
00:46:21the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:23this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:31hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00I knew you'd understand
00:48:30Charlton for Pope
00:48:30long me around
00:48:32amen
00:48:32what's going on
00:48:34pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a fair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:41you know what I mean
00:48:43what a night
00:48:45wow
00:48:47a lot
00:48:48including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53hey lads
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59who didn't
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:01yes Jeffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:05yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody is
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please
00:49:18it's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24I'll see how the girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks
00:49:33he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men
00:49:37do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really
00:50:04finally splitting up
00:50:06he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:18the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:36otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:44at least I've got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:58we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you?
00:51:17did I say more?
00:51:20pardon?
00:51:20and how's Beryl baby getting on then?
00:51:24Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome?
00:51:36you'll laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she used to put them on an axe
00:51:51what do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut off man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:41lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig?
00:52:56hmm?
00:52:58sorry I no understand English
00:53:01gesundheit
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:14and which is her husband?
00:53:17neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it?
00:53:24great beat isn't it?
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41hmm
00:53:42if so what's death?
00:53:46um
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00um
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married?
00:54:07no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13you're a poet
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager of Marks and Spencers
00:54:24what's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV?
00:54:37this
00:54:37what's on BBC?
00:54:39see
00:54:39cut it over
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:47this
00:54:47oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it
00:54:56clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay?
00:55:00hmm
00:55:01women's lip
00:55:10is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers?
00:55:17a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this
00:55:22all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a wide wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass
00:55:33enid
00:55:35when sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because i incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51you're according to anything
00:55:52i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what?
00:55:55what?
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00you believe in free love right?
00:56:02wrong
00:56:02i believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly
00:56:07don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society for the future
00:56:11i'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:15no
00:56:16oh
00:56:17sorry
00:56:18wow man
00:56:19sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh jeep
00:56:22it's a pleasure
00:56:23grass?
00:56:24jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:26i said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see what we believe
00:56:52now
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02what are you doing?
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24neville
00:57:24sandra wants you
00:57:26i should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:30pathetic
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:34well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43i once thought i'd found her
00:57:50perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:57very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04i should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet roland
00:58:10i've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just i'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:37i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:49oh sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what beryl?
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04he's upstairs i think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15usually
00:59:16i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right honest
00:59:26she said i shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:31jeffrey
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45jeffrey
00:59:53jeffrey
00:59:53jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:09call dr wiseberg
01:00:15quilmslow road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana
01:00:22you know
01:00:23what was it then?
01:00:28grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40like you beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see jeffrey?
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35i didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40i'm right off birds
01:01:45i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17you know
01:02:19you
01:02:21and wish
01:02:25you
01:02:25and i
01:02:26and
01:02:26hello
01:02:27you
01:02:29and
01:02:29white
01:02:32and
01:02:32and
01:02:33and
01:02:33and
01:02:35oh
01:02:36yes
01:02:38and
01:02:38and
01:02:39what
01:02:39and
01:02:39the
01:02:40and
01:02:40oh
01:02:40i
01:02:41and
01:02:41and
01:02:41and
01:02:43how
01:02:43what
01:02:44is
01:02:44A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:58PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21I'm a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:24They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:48I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:52eken화.
01:07:09Influencefield Town.
01:07:11Ihre� stood a few.
01:07:12I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very, sir. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The cowgills.
01:08:38The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:53Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:51And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing, for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:45Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:53You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage, twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:15Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See, what face do I want you to do?
01:14:25See, what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:28Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:10Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know,
01:16:06crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Beryl.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Beryl.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:40Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:07There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:09I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:11I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:03Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:21Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:25I know, spells no.
01:20:27Super day for it.
01:20:31Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:49You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:51You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:53Ever.
01:21:54That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:35No.
01:22:36The astronauts.
01:22:37Oh.
01:22:38It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we?
01:22:44About things that matter.
01:22:45Good, isn't it?
01:22:46Shows we're friends.
01:22:47Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:48Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:49We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:50We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:51My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:22:52I'm right off it myself.
01:22:53I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:22:56Aww.
01:22:57I expect it's only temporary.
01:22:58I hope not.
01:22:59It's marvellous.
01:23:00Good.
01:23:01I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:02Thank you, love.
01:23:03Still off the food, I notice.
01:23:04The food is.
01:23:05I'm pretty sure we're going to be quite good.
01:23:06We're going to have a bit of coffee.
01:23:07We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:08We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:09My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:10I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:11I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aww.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not.
01:23:16It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:19Thank you, love.
01:23:20It's still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:23Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:25Yeah, I wish I'd like to say please.
01:23:31And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:56Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16Oh, I will they have everard many seats.
01:25:18Oh, the ball is also up.
01:25:19Oh.
01:25:20Right?
01:25:24Oh, I'll tell you.
01:25:29Oh, aye.
01:25:30Oh, that's not bad for you.
01:25:35Hi!
01:25:40When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends. Yeah, I did.
01:26:34Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:40You could go in goal.
01:26:44Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:08We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:25There's millions to choose from.
01:27:35All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:42You will, Beryl.
01:27:44Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51transparency, copyright, copyright, copyright, copyright!
01:27:57Vote,binary, einhesit!
01:28:04Get ready, get ready!
01:28:07Pence, cepet, cepet, cepet, cepet, cepet!
01:28:18And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
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