- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is long.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58No, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be really done standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14I want to be supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16But he might come.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Which is mine.
00:02:47Any except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:03Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First, you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a runaround.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:22Sure, I can't get you down.
00:05:32Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:32It's-it's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother, in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester, lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:33Marry me.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, this night?
00:11:38Hooray.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Marry!
00:12:27Yes!
00:12:28Marry!
00:12:29Marry!
00:12:30Marry!
00:12:31Marry!
00:12:32Marry!
00:12:33Marry!
00:12:33Marry!
00:12:34Marry!
00:12:35Marry!
00:12:36Marry!
00:12:37Marry!
00:12:38Marry!
00:12:39Marry!
00:12:40Marry!
00:12:41Marry!
00:12:42Marry!
00:12:43Marry!
00:12:44Marry!
00:12:45Marry!
00:12:46Marry!
00:12:47Marry!
00:12:48Marry!
00:12:49Marry!
00:12:50Marry!
00:12:51Marry!
00:12:52Marry!
00:12:53Marry!
00:12:54Marry!
00:12:55Marry!
00:12:56Marry!
00:12:57Marry!
00:12:58Who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:30Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:32No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well...
00:13:42No.
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pitchers tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any?
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:20Super socks.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28And the soccer team...
00:14:29They're all on drugs.
00:14:30Oh, they're all on drugs.
00:14:31They're all on drugs.
00:14:32I'm just shy.
00:14:33But I'm going to the bad for me.
00:14:34I am not.
00:14:35Oh, they're all on drugs.
00:14:36They're all on drugs.
00:14:40Oh, they're all on drugs.
00:14:42Oh, my God.
00:14:43I'm not going to the track.
00:14:44Oh, I'm going to the track.
00:14:45Can you see that?
00:14:46Oh, I'm a little bit.
00:14:47What I'm going to know?
00:14:48No.
00:14:49Excuse me.
00:15:18I...
00:15:23I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:26Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am.
00:15:35Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:41She's slim.
00:15:42I'm just going to the...
00:15:43Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:50You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03What do you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sorry, sorry.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:19You having a coffee with us?
00:16:21No, thanks, kid.
00:16:22Neville's ravenous.
00:16:23You've just eaten.
00:16:24Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:25Sorry.
00:16:26You see.
00:16:27What I thought Kenneth was always trying to do...
00:16:28By implication.
00:16:29Probably by implication.
00:16:30Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:33You see?
00:16:34Yes.
00:16:35Was he the errand boy?
00:16:36Was who the errand boy?
00:16:37Ken Thingy.
00:16:38He directed it.
00:16:39Oh, yes.
00:16:40I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:41Probably.
00:16:43You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:44Well, what happens was the way that Bob's talk was that we had to go out by the evening.
00:16:45How are we going to talk to the drunk, 똑같y, old lady, old lady?
00:16:46How can we play the good, old lady?
00:16:47How can we play the good?
00:16:48How can we play the bad?
00:16:49How can we play the good?
00:16:50How can we play the bad?
00:16:51How cool is it?
00:16:52What do we play?
00:16:53How cool is it?
00:16:54I'm not going to play.
00:16:55You know it?
00:16:56How cool is he?
00:16:57If I'm not going to play, I'm not going to play.
00:16:58Two boys and girls, of course, please.
00:16:59How much fun will I play?
00:17:01How cool is this?
00:17:02What's the great place to do?
00:17:03Yes.
00:17:04You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema,
00:17:16and you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex? Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates, and Pauly wants to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls,
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:01Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not person-felt motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:30No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:1825-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Well, it's funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:16Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Hey, jong.
00:20:31Oh.
00:20:36Oh, boy.
00:20:37I've got some crazy.
00:20:37Me.
00:20:42I can't solve it.
00:20:43Oh, boy.
00:20:45Thanks.
00:20:46Oh, boy.
00:20:47Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:43No one's special.
00:21:48His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:53How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:21:57What Beryl Bird?
00:21:58I told him.
00:21:59Did she, er...
00:22:00Does she, er...
00:22:01What?
00:22:02Wow!
00:22:03She doesn't, then.
00:22:04You don't listen, do you?
00:22:05I said...
00:22:06How about Sandra?
00:22:07Chips.
00:22:08Chips.
00:22:09Chips.
00:22:10Chips.
00:22:11Chips.
00:22:12Sod.
00:22:13Not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:14Who?
00:22:15Who?
00:22:16I'd rather better think of him.
00:22:17I'd rather better think of him.
00:22:18I'd rather think of him.
00:22:19I'd rather think of him.
00:22:20You don't listen, do you?
00:22:21You don't listen, do you?
00:22:22I said...
00:22:23How about Sandra?
00:22:25Public Angular Guy.
00:22:26Without some...
00:22:27chips.
00:22:28Chips?
00:22:29Chips.
00:22:30Chips.
00:22:31Chips.
00:22:32Chips.
00:22:33Chips.
00:22:34Chips.
00:22:35Chips.
00:22:36Chips.
00:22:37Chips.
00:22:38Chips.
00:22:40Chips and sod.
00:22:41Chips.
00:22:42Chips.
00:22:44Chips.
00:22:45Chips!
00:22:46Not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:47Chips, chips and chips and sod.
00:22:49Chips.
00:22:50Chips, chips.
00:22:51Chips.
00:22:53Chips.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:52Morning.
00:23:53Morning.
00:23:54Morning.
00:23:55Morning.
00:23:56Morning.
00:23:57Cholton for Pope.
00:23:58Long may you reign.
00:23:59Amen.
00:24:00What's going on?
00:24:01Pound's up again.
00:24:02Oh, God.
00:24:03Today's special.
00:24:04Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:05Here are.
00:24:06Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:07Except those.
00:24:08Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:26So close.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:56We were warm.
00:24:57Just as the sun was rising, I heard a maiden singing in the darling yellow.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34He never promised he's going to take this to him.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:53PHONE RINGS
00:26:53Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13No.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:57and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologized.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologize again.
00:31:17I apologize again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:00Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:30The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54It's like thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Mm-hmm.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:15He thumped me, will you, like Neville does Sandra?
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:45Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been aghast.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been aghast.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:06I don't know how you do it.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:08I don't know how you do it.
00:37:09I don't know.
00:37:39John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh... Oh, hell, no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland. Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly bored.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one. You've seen one. You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:24It must be my birthday.
00:39:24Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Fils.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Wasn't it?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:17Don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:24Let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Oh, smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:56What's your name again?
00:40:58What's yours?
00:40:59Rock.
00:40:59That's not your real name.
00:41:03What's your name again?
00:41:07What's yours?
00:41:08Rock.
00:41:08That's not your real name.
00:41:10No.
00:41:11Steven.
00:41:11God, that turns me on.
00:41:13Mmm.
00:41:15Mmm.
00:41:16Mmm.
00:41:17Mmm.
00:41:17Mmm.
00:41:18Mmm.
00:41:18Mmm.
00:41:19Mmm.
00:41:19Mmm.
00:41:20When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:27Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:30Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:35Mmm.
00:41:36Mmm.
00:41:37Mmm.
00:41:38Mmm.
00:41:39Mmm.
00:41:40Mmm.
00:41:41Mmm.
00:41:42Mmm.
00:41:43Mmm.
00:41:44Mmm.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:49Mmm.
00:41:50Mmm.
00:42:08Mmm.
00:42:12Mmm.
00:42:13Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:20I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:24I'm fed up!
00:42:43Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:48What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it.
00:42:58They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:11Well, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:21How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy. Bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:38Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No.
00:44:32Erm.
00:44:33That's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:24We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:25And how.
00:45:27You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:29You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:30You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:32Hey, Veronica?
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:02Oh, my God.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Oh, yes. Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:42Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Hang me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25I'll see how the girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:18Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick,
00:52:30and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man,
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42It's a beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:56I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Mine?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:47Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Gras?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:56Oh.
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02You're wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, if you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14I'm right, I don't have a...
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50Perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:56Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Sorry.
00:58:53Do you know...
00:58:55Come on, Beryl.
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Geoffrey.
00:59:38Geoffrey.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:45Geoffrey.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:53Geoffrey.
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Geoffrey.
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr.
01:00:14Weissberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't. It was the real thing. From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time, even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time. Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:29Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all. Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds. I am. I am.
01:01:47For good. Me too. And me.
01:01:52Good morning. Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:07Can I?
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16Can I?
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:47Good morning, I'm here.
01:02:51Good morning.
01:03:04Good morning.
01:03:06Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:14Geoffrey.
01:03:17Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:22Oh, Beryl.
01:03:26Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:29Oh, God.
01:03:36Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello? It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I'm going to show you why.
01:04:21I'm gonna get a phone call.
01:04:22I'm coming to speak to you.
01:04:23Then...
01:04:24I'm going to show you for a good evening.
01:04:25I'm giving you the opportunity for a good evening.
01:04:28I'm being given the opportunity for a good evening.
01:04:30I'm really good to someof and I'm going to see you.
01:04:31And I'm going to show you.
01:04:32I'm going to show you, and I'm going to show you.
01:04:33A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice, fancy, random neighbour, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:33Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38sw subtopia.
01:06:54Never mind.
01:06:55It's only a game.
01:06:58Never mind.
01:06:59It's only a game.
01:07:00I thought they said you nearly loved me.
01:07:03mind it's only a game i thought he said you nearly loved me
01:07:17i don't recall grace kelly enticing prince rainier by going to watch united i may be wrong
01:07:22grace who we live in a permissive society beryl read any color supplement mother you're supposed
01:07:29to be my mother i am love and it wasn't through going to football matches you are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down every time i stand up even if he's only on the phone yes so well uh
01:07:40boys are very safe and i am your mother that's what i said i don't mean uh permissive permissive
01:07:50see romantic pardon kissing cuddling things of that nature
01:08:02oh we do do what what you just said good not too much i hope oh god boys are very funny
01:08:12they're novices compared to mothers
01:08:13did i tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:23oh
01:08:27two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:32fantastic
01:08:32the cowgills mr and mrs cowgill married couple newlyweds not long married you go bald doing that doing what
01:09:02well i'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:09living in sin
01:09:13can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:21if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married
01:09:28i don't think so
01:09:31a barrel would
01:09:35giving you a bad time is she
01:09:38oh no i wouldn't say that
01:09:43i haven't even mentioned the word what word
01:09:47goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single person without
01:09:51everyone thinking she's automatically i've never said you were you think it
01:10:09all right jeffrey i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never
01:10:19well until i am if i ever do which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:31no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:50what are you staring at
01:10:55hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's
01:11:01theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird oh what's your
01:11:09theory indigestion oh what's yours sundance
01:11:17hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if god had meant sardines to be
01:11:23in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried to
01:11:37find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what i know spells and how many of us
01:11:42school pals are getting married and what no spells and what no spells great i might as well go
01:11:50bold and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now
01:12:00good night area good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:08we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun
01:12:13be happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:21the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:27you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:33that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:38make that three a day after meals
01:12:43so
01:12:49look beryl how's this for a peace plan
01:12:52you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in denmark then we'll both
01:12:58be happy right right good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow
01:13:10where do you think you're going
01:13:17jeffrey i'll get the sack it's important
01:13:21what is i keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is what is to be on our own what says we can talk what
01:13:42had old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:48the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think
01:13:51last night i dreamt i was in gold for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:57grace who she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:09the main thing is we do communicate oh we do
01:14:20see what face are you see what i wanted
01:14:25go on
01:14:26no you mine wasn't important
01:14:30her mum wasn't
01:14:41beryl
01:14:45are you
01:14:48happy
01:14:48Of course. Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No. I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No. I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing. If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48There isn't anything. Honest.
01:15:50Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me. It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:26In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really loveable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53Used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:03There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I think I'm thinking.
01:18:09I don't know.
01:18:13I think I'm thinking.
01:18:17Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:47Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats,
01:19:16two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42But a simple thing.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:00It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President, Nick, something to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:16I don't know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:31to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:24Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Walker.
01:23:54And marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16There you go.
01:24:16Uh.
01:24:42Oh, hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:17Hi.
01:25:24When's the kickoff?
01:25:26When's the kickoff?
01:25:31In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:35What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:37I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:42Where will you go now, then?
01:25:44I don't know. I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:25:49Where will you?
01:25:50Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:52Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:25:55Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:25:56May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:25:59Just as friends.
01:26:00Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:01Yeah, I did.
01:26:02Just as friends.
01:26:03Yeah, I did.
01:26:04Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:05Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:06Yeah, I did.
01:26:07Wish we had a ball.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:41You could go in goal.
01:26:47Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:49Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:53We'll be even happier without each other.
01:26:55We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:26:57Anyone, really.
01:26:59Anyone, really?
01:27:01No.
01:27:03No.
01:27:05No.
01:27:07No.
01:27:09No.
01:27:11There's millions to choose from.
01:27:23All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:25You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:27You will, Beryl.
01:27:29Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:31Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:33Oh, no.
01:27:35No.
01:27:36No.
01:27:37No.
01:27:38No.
01:27:39No.
01:27:40No.
01:27:41No.
01:27:42No.
01:27:43No.
01:27:44No.
01:27:45No.
01:27:46No.
01:27:47No.
01:27:48No.
01:27:49No.
01:27:50No.
01:27:51No.
01:27:52No.
01:27:53No.
01:27:54No.
01:27:55No.
01:27:56No.
01:27:57No.
01:27:58No.
01:27:59No.
01:28:00No.
01:28:01No.
01:28:02No.
01:28:03No.
01:28:04No.
01:28:05No.
01:28:06No.
01:28:07No.
01:28:08No.
01:28:09No.
01:28:10No.
01:28:11No.
01:28:12No.
01:28:13No.
01:28:14No.
01:28:15No.
01:28:16No.
01:28:17No.
01:28:18No.
01:28:19No.
01:28:20No.
01:28:21No.
01:28:22No.
01:28:23No.
01:28:24And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:29Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
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