- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:43No, no.
00:07:00I enjoy staying and chatting of an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:13I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell.
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41It's just that I don't like my son.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:46Oh Sandra, you're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:25I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:52What?
00:09:54Got it.
00:09:55Got what?
00:09:56You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:09:57I say I do.
00:09:58You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:02How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:04No, I don't.
00:10:06Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:08Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:09It does not.
00:10:10Thought it did.
00:10:11Not till you've unfastened the press stood.
00:10:13I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:14You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:16outside Central Library? No I don't. Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo? It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did. Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning. You wouldn't need to
00:10:40book for the Christmas pantomime. I don't intend to marry her mother in case it
00:10:44interferes with my career. We're just good friends. Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot. Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say? Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:14!
00:11:17Silence!
00:11:26Carlton!
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I stayed in for a change.
00:11:43Did you get much?
00:11:46Did you?
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:08Ticket. I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:38Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumor has it.
00:13:08Different girl every night.
00:13:12It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:37I was sort of...
00:13:38Going to the football match?
00:13:39Are you?
00:13:40Shopping.
00:13:41I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:42I am.
00:13:43Which?
00:13:44Which are you?
00:13:45Any.
00:13:46I am.
00:13:47See you then.
00:13:48Tonight?
00:13:49Pardon?
00:13:50Oh, I...
00:13:51All right then.
00:13:52Right.
00:13:53Super socks.
00:13:54Super socks.
00:13:55Super socks.
00:13:56Did you see that?
00:13:57They're all on drugs.
00:13:58A lot of them.
00:13:59They're all on drugs.
00:14:00a lot of them.
00:14:01They're all on drugs.
00:14:02A lot of them.
00:14:03They're all on drugs.
00:14:04A lot of them.
00:14:05They're all on drugs.
00:14:06They're all on drugs.
00:14:07They're all on drugs.
00:14:08A lot of them.
00:14:10They're all on drugs.
00:14:11They're all on drugs.
00:14:12They're all on drugs.
00:14:13A lot of them.
00:14:15They're all on drugs.
00:14:16A lot of them.
00:14:17Socks?
00:14:18They're all on drugs.
00:14:19They're not on drugs.
00:14:20They're all on drugs.
00:14:25That's a lot of them.
00:14:31You're travelling to New Troens Women's age.
00:14:31The city's office is now on drugs.
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00:16:57yes I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol probably you're not like other
00:17:09boys at all are you I'm probably a little more mature that's all it's over 200
00:17:15yards from the cinema and you talk to me the whole way like a person other boys
00:17:23seem to have one-track minds these days sex marriage the number of boys that asked me to
00:17:30marry them a couple of dates and how they want to get married I want to live a bit
00:17:36before I get married I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it get married
00:17:42hmm no actually I find girls and most girls that is a bit obsessed these days not marriage no sex
00:17:58sex that's what I said oh well I'm not like that it's not possible motivated me no did you want to say
00:18:27any more about Andy Warhol Ken Russell yeah this is it I won't come in with it being our first date
00:18:54no anyway my mom's gone to bed we'd be on our own is that a reason for me not coming in now yes Jeffrey
00:19:03nice house thank you 25 year mortgage
00:19:18well thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24funny isn't it first date with someone it always leads to one of three things
00:19:33either nothing or something
00:19:38or everything
00:19:41well don't think about Percy filth at this stage Beryl
00:19:45you're not
00:19:47no I'm not
00:19:49night night god bless
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it three two seven double four two one the easy way to remember it is the three and the two
00:20:14make five which is two less than seven then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two
00:20:18which is one um but you mustn't ring me if you don't want no but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to not if you'd rather not three two seven double four two one
00:20:29good night
00:20:59Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01Not Beryl Bird.
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:05Does she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chum sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few of the King's Ed.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:44Good morning.
00:23:59Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Except those. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:31Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:01We never see anything.
00:25:03We never see anything.
00:25:05We never see anything.
00:25:07Oh, just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:23I'm desperate.
00:25:24That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:42He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:45Hopeless.
00:25:46Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51Five.
00:25:52Five.
00:25:53Five.
00:25:54Which is...
00:25:55Which is...
00:25:56Three and two is five.
00:25:57Which is...
00:25:58Two less than seven.
00:25:59Which is...
00:26:00I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:04Bank clocks.
00:26:05Your lot?
00:26:06Football supporters.
00:26:07Hippies.
00:26:08Oh.
00:26:09My lot.
00:26:10At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:13Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:15Which is...
00:26:16I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:18Bank clocks.
00:26:19Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:23My lot.
00:26:24At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:34It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:25Getting to know a person.
00:27:26Fantastic.
00:27:27I want to know all about you.
00:27:28That's what it's all about.
00:27:29For example, with things in common already.
00:27:30Definitely.
00:27:31Like what?
00:27:32We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:33Right.
00:27:34And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:35Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:36No.
00:27:37Have you?
00:27:38No.
00:27:39No.
00:27:40Have you?
00:27:41No.
00:27:42No.
00:27:43No.
00:27:44No.
00:27:45No.
00:27:46No.
00:27:47No.
00:27:48No.
00:27:49Unless you count Istanbul?
00:27:50No.
00:27:51Estam...
00:27:52Was it beyond belief?
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul? Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No. Just... just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed,
00:28:51his stride quietly casual,
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed,
00:29:00assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey,
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:20See?
00:29:22Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:25He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey!
00:29:45N-O spells no!
00:29:46It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:47Read any women's magazine.
00:29:48It's good for theirs, too.
00:29:49I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:29:50I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:29:51All Saturdays.
00:29:52Beryl.
00:29:54Beryl.
00:29:57Oh, Beryl.
00:30:01Oh, Arg Barry Bodble's bumble.
00:30:13Oh!
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:17Oh, Beryl.
00:30:18Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:19Oh, Beryl!
00:30:21Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:49Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:54She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:04What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:07What's happening in the world?
00:32:08I blame the politicians.
00:32:10What for?
00:32:11For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:20I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:48Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:31Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:44Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right. Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:55Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP. I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30You've said that once.
00:35:31You're well-bred barrel. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You've never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that. Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:17Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:21Two months?
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations. I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:51I don't know.
00:36:52I'm not even surprised.
00:36:54I'm not even surprised.
00:36:55Maybe you think it was an interview.
00:36:56I won't be a hell, this is a challenge or a challenge.
00:36:58Do you want to get out?
00:36:59I didn't see that.
00:37:01If you want to get out of here.
00:37:02I was going to get out of here.
00:37:05I'm going to get out of here.
00:37:07Oh, my God.
00:37:09I don't know, I don't know.
00:37:11I'm going to get out of here.
00:37:13I am going to get out of here.
00:37:15And you'll get out of here.
00:37:17I'm going to see the energy for a little bit.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are?
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50What?
00:38:51Did she turn you on?
00:38:52Daryl?
00:38:53Yeah.
00:38:54I haven't really looked.
00:38:56Seen one, you seen them all.
00:38:58Not quite all.
00:38:59I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:00Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:02Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:04Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:06I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:08They aren't all after all after all.
00:39:10Who are you and my kids?
00:39:11She is.
00:39:12I don't have to get me out.
00:39:13I got to get me out.
00:39:14glass of champagne.
00:39:15See him one, you see them all.
00:39:16Not quite all.
00:39:17I got to get me coat.
00:39:19It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Wasn't it?
00:39:47Mmm, terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm, mmm, mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:34What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49And finally, I used to do a letter and he said,
00:40:50Oh yes.
00:40:56But this is all about it.
00:40:58Oh yes.
00:40:59Exactly.
00:41:02Well done.
00:41:03Most Merci.
00:41:11My favourite…
00:41:12...
00:41:13what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleup returns the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:55in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class
00:44:51you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night
00:44:56Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:03good night Uncle Stephen
00:45:13good night Uncle Stephen
00:45:18Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:42Goodnight, love.
00:45:45We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:38We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:53Try a barrel.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:14What's for breakfast?
00:47:15You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:17Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:20I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:21I'll take you out another night.
00:47:22Something cropped up.
00:47:23Like what?
00:47:24Dad, you understand.
00:47:25I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:26Well, you always say you do.
00:47:27Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:28It's not good.
00:47:29No, Geoffrey.
00:47:30It's not good.
00:47:31You're at it every night.
00:47:32I don't.
00:47:33I don't know.
00:47:34What's for breakfast?
00:47:35You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:36What we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:42Dad, you understand.
00:47:45I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:23I knew you'd understand.
00:48:24Thanks.
00:48:25That's very good.
00:48:26Sure.
00:48:27I know.
00:48:28Sholten for Pope.
00:48:29I'm here, Ryan.
00:48:31Amen.
00:48:32What's going on?
00:48:33Pounds down again, up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:37They're knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:40Finally splitting up.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:42Finally splitting up.
00:49:43He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:46It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:47Finally splitting up.
00:49:48He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:49Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:50Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:49:51The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:52The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:53The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:54The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:56I expect he's sorry now.
00:49:57I won't even consider taking him back if he was.
00:49:59The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:00It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with their old baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:18I asked you what was new with you?
00:51:19I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:20I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:21How's Beryl Baby getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl Baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl Baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:20It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:06Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:26I'm really dirty.
00:54:29Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:47Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:43But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything, I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54Yes, you want.
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:56Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:29Yeah.
00:56:29Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:27It's sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50It's a perfect girl.
00:57:50It's a perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06I should pack me in for picking me teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:38I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl? She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:08Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25We'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey.
00:59:35Geoffrey.
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
00:59:59That's better.
01:00:04It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:06It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a...
01:00:15...quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:28That grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:03Good morning.
01:02:04Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:05Can I.
01:02:14Good morning.
01:02:15Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I.
01:02:33Good morning.
01:02:34I am.
01:02:58Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:22Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir? Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger. I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello? It's me.
01:04:06Who? My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl. I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night. Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Come on.
01:04:24Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that and another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home,
01:06:25they've won three,
01:06:26drawn five
01:06:27and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:30So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly
01:07:18enticing Prince Rainier
01:07:20by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down
01:07:36every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, so, well, uh,
01:07:41boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, uh,
01:07:48permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people
01:08:20have moved into the house opposite
01:08:21with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house
01:08:28opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you,
01:09:0428 stockbrokers have moved into the office
01:09:07opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence
01:09:15without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you,
01:09:23do you think Cassius Clay
01:09:23would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter
01:09:26so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me,
01:09:48a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking
01:09:52she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something,
01:10:26when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined my life.
01:10:42Not yet.
01:10:43What are you staring at?
01:10:43Hello?
01:10:44You all right, son?
01:10:44Terrific.
01:10:45Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:47Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:50Hmm.
01:10:51My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:53Oh.
01:10:54Oh.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:10:57What's your theory?
01:10:58Indigestion.
01:10:59Oh.
01:11:00Oh.
01:11:01What's yours, son?
01:11:02Sundance?
01:11:03Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:04He has said one thing.
01:11:05Oh?
01:11:06What's that?
01:11:07If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:08All right.
01:11:09The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:14we still have deadlock.
01:11:15Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to do the same thing.
01:11:18What's your theory?
01:11:19Oh.
01:11:20What's your theory?
01:11:21Indigestion.
01:11:22Oh.
01:11:23What's your theory?
01:11:24Indigestion.
01:11:25Oh.
01:11:26What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:27Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:28He has said one thing.
01:11:29Oh, what's that?
01:11:30If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:32All right.
01:11:33The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:36have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells,
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:30That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:07Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:08It's important.
01:13:09What is?
01:13:10I keep asking you what is.
01:13:14What is?
01:13:15To be on our own.
01:13:16What?
01:13:17So as we can talk.
01:13:18What?
01:13:19That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:20I'm sorry.
01:13:21I'm sorry.
01:13:22I'm sorry.
01:13:23I'm sorry.
01:13:24I'm sorry.
01:13:25I'll get the sack.
01:13:26It's important.
01:13:27What is?
01:13:28I keep asking you what is.
01:13:29What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:31What?
01:13:32So as we can talk.
01:13:33What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:35What?
01:13:36I've had a whole speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:46The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:16We do.
01:14:17We do.
01:14:18We do.
01:14:19We do.
01:14:20We do.
01:14:21We do.
01:14:22We do.
01:14:23We do.
01:14:24See what I think.
01:14:25See what I think.
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:30Mine wasn't.
01:14:31It isn't.
01:14:34Probably.
01:14:35Aye.
01:14:37Ssнить.
01:14:44Beryl.
01:14:46Are you...
01:14:49happy?
01:14:50very I am no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:15:00no I'm not
01:15:08do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:12probably not actually said the words often but not in so many words mostly in
01:15:23words to that effect
01:15:37is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:41no I don't think so honestly no nothing if there is there isn't you just tell me
01:15:48and I'll stop doing it there isn't anything honest good
01:15:53it wouldn't upset me it would just make me a better human being to deserve your
01:15:58love
01:16:03like you know crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:09well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks bro if I did I'd stop to please you
01:16:16see
01:16:22there's no need to be sensitive Jeffrey in a meaningful relationship you must like even what
01:16:30you don't
01:16:31your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34I like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk Jeffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:40well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridgette Bardot
01:16:49according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:16:59ask any opinion poll
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:04I am
01:17:05start slimming
01:17:06men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl you do I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what no spells especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about that's really lovable
01:17:39I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:53used to say dig before I met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:01there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:08thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:09think so
01:18:10we just don't like each other
01:18:11we just don't like each other
01:18:15at all
01:18:16at all
01:18:17at all
01:18:18at all
01:18:19at all
01:18:20at all
01:18:21at all
01:18:22at all
01:18:23at all
01:18:24at all
01:18:25at all
01:18:26at all
01:18:27at all
01:18:28at all
01:18:29at all
01:18:30at all
01:18:31at all
01:18:32at all
01:18:36at all
01:18:43at all
01:18:45at all
01:18:47at all
01:18:49at all
01:18:51at all
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring.
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:15A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:44Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:49How have you been?
01:21:51Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:56Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:05It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:22Oh?
01:22:23Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:35Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we?
01:22:44About things that matter.
01:22:45Good, isn't it?
01:22:46Shows we're friends.
01:22:47Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:48Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:49We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:50My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:22:51I'm right off it myself.
01:22:53I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:22:56Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:22:57I hope not.
01:22:58It's marvellous.
01:22:59Good.
01:23:00I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:01I'm not sure.
01:23:02I'm not sure.
01:23:03I'm not sure.
01:23:04But what?
01:23:05I'm not sure.
01:23:06I'm not sure.
01:23:07I'm not sure that you're a good friend.
01:23:09I'm not sure.
01:23:10I'll be all just like you, good friends.
01:23:11When we know we don't like each other.
01:23:12Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:15We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:16Me mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:18I'm right off it myself.
01:23:19I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:21lightest now thank you love still off the food I noticed and we've learned a
01:23:33fantastic amount for the future fantastic for example say I finally did
01:23:38marry someone like you only someone I love I bet I'd now let him wear crimson
01:23:42shoes and bottle green socks every night in bed a bear
01:23:51and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny
01:23:54Warhol and marry her three days later we probably won't see each other at all now
01:24:00we're pals I expect you're going to the match this afternoon oh yeah I'm helping
01:24:06Sandra pack a going away case where's she going hospital well we'll bump into each
01:24:16other sometime
01:24:46oh hello mrs. Battersby you won't remember me good afternoon Jeffery is Beryl there please she's gone to the football match
01:25:08there is no football it's cricket now well it's the same thing isn't it
01:25:38in about three months football season's over now Beryl oh what on earth did you want to come for
01:25:51forgot I'm not all that interested these days where we go now then don't know
01:26:01where we go now
01:26:04could always go inside and practice booing for next season
01:26:08where will you
01:26:11might go and get a new pair of tights
01:26:13hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty
01:26:16fancy a stroll in the country
01:26:18may as well if you like don't mind why not
01:26:22just as friends oh I meant just as friends yeah I did
01:26:29wish we had a ball
01:26:35could play shooting in
01:26:39you could go in goal
01:26:43amazing how people change isn't it
01:26:50well we're certainly much happier without each other
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else
01:27:24anyone really
01:27:26there's millions to choose from
01:27:35all nearly exactly right for us
01:27:39you'll find someone Jeffrey
01:27:42you will Beryl
01:27:44you will Beryl
01:27:46just a matter of keeping your eyes open really
01:27:49picking one out of the crowd
01:27:51you and you and chance
01:27:56Zachary
01:28:00traffic
01:28:01traffic
01:28:02traffic
01:28:03traffic
01:28:06traffic
01:28:08traffic
01:28:11traffic
01:28:12traffic
01:28:14tunnel with
01:28:16ублиva
01:28:18And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:28Amen.
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