- 2 days ago
#ReelShort
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Hello? Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans. I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate. So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip, too.
00:00:49Sue, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure. I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake. I'm going to lose my virginity to him. You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:00What? But you can't. I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:06Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:07You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:11This is bad. You know, I'm going to tell Lexi. She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22Come on, Lexi.
00:01:23So, girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:41Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:44But this is the big 1-8. I mean, every year since our mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special, but this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:54So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:57Mushrooms?
00:01:58No, not like that. Like something nice.
00:02:01Like maybe a trip.
00:02:02Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:04No.
00:02:04Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:10So do I.
00:02:11Sorry, Sue.
00:02:12Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:25Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:27Yeah, sure.
00:02:30Here you go.
00:02:32No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:34I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:37I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:02:42Oh, Jake.
00:02:47Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:50Uh, no, Jake. Not yet.
00:02:52When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:54The best night of my life.
00:02:56It will be. I promise.
00:02:58It'll always be amazing.
00:02:59With you and me.
00:03:01Together.
00:03:04Jake, no.
00:03:10I have to go.
00:03:11I have to work on my art project.
00:03:14You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:16but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:20Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:23The Saturday?
00:03:24Of course.
00:03:24Thanks.
00:03:29Thanks.
00:03:30Okay. Bye.
00:03:40Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:03:42Oh, baby.
00:03:43You're so hot.
00:03:45I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:46Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:47Yeah.
00:03:48What was your name again?
00:03:49Rod.
00:03:50Sex guy.
00:03:50Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:59You're right, I bet.
00:04:07Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:10Oh, no.
00:04:11Does not compute.
00:04:13Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:15Oh, huh.
00:04:19Hi.
00:04:22When did you get home?
00:04:23So, is it true?
00:04:24Yes, it is.
00:04:26It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:30I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:04:35and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:37So, I just think it's the right time.
00:04:40Lexi, tell her.
00:04:41Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:45On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:47Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:04:49Or maybe even, like, our 29th.
00:04:52Eight.
00:04:53Maybe.
00:04:55Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:02I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:05Sorry.
00:05:09But, Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:13We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:17Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dick?
00:05:20It's not Jake.
00:05:22It's the male ideal.
00:05:24Like, a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:28Right.
00:05:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:32I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:33I'm not really an artist.
00:05:34Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:36The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:40And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:42I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:44And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:45Look, I can go either way.
00:05:48I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:51I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:55Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:59But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:04You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:10Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:13To church to pray for you.
00:06:15I want to be first in line.
00:06:18I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:19Yeah, me too.
00:06:21Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:31It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:33I accused myself of the following sins.
00:06:35Mm-hmm.
00:06:37Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:41It's about sex.
00:06:43Mm-hmm.
00:06:45I mean, not me.
00:06:46I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:50I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:53Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll, but I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:01Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:06My best friends.
00:07:08They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:10Okay.
00:07:12Third base.
00:07:13What?
00:07:14No.
00:07:15Like, sex.
00:07:16Like, intercourse?
00:07:18With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:19I mean, they really need us intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:22All the way.
00:07:24Go all the way.
00:07:26What are you...
00:07:27What's it?
00:07:29Ah!
00:07:30Ah!
00:07:31How could you do this?
00:07:33You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:37What?
00:07:38Ah!
00:07:43Yes!
00:07:44Yes!
00:07:45Run!
00:07:46Run!
00:07:47Home route!
00:07:47Ah!
00:07:49Ah!
00:07:49Damn it!
00:07:52Fucking Yankees!
00:07:55Sorry.
00:07:56Sorry.
00:08:10Ah!
00:08:15Ah!
00:08:15Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Ah!
00:08:17Sue it is 1 p.m. What do you have a little consideration? I'm trying to sleep
00:08:24Geez, can you guys please keep it down. I
00:08:28Have an announcement to make I want to do it
00:08:31Do you hear me? I want to do it
00:08:35This weekend on our birthday do what?
00:08:40It screw and screwing boning making beasts with two backs, you know shagging fucking
00:08:47You do
00:08:51But what about all your religious stuff and what about your sign from heaven? Oh, I got a sign at church really?
00:08:59Well
00:09:01Okay, great
00:09:02We're all in them
00:09:04So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there, right?
00:09:09Right
00:09:11I'll start making the shopping list
00:09:17Hey Frank
00:09:23Hi Sue
00:09:25Guys we didn't invite Frank to the party
00:09:27I don't know do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:29Yeah, he's blind blind people can do everything regular people can do
00:09:33Wait, wait, bye
00:09:38Hey
00:09:40Um, I was wondering, we're throwing this party tomorrow night. It's for our birthdays. Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see up my shirt?
00:09:48Well, the house looks done
00:10:02Tomorrow's the big day
00:10:04We finally turn 18
00:10:06And finally lose our virginity
00:10:08Well, we better get our beady sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2
00:10:11So, okay, we know who Cheryl's gonna do it with Jake and I'll probably do that guy Rod
00:10:16But Sue, who are you gonna pick?
00:10:18To pop your chair
00:10:19It's easy
00:10:20I've known for the past six years
00:10:22Ever since catechism
00:10:24What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:27I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter
00:10:30My soul mate
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:44Sue, you um, might want to think about picking a back up
00:10:48I mean
00:10:48What? No, Chris is perfect
00:10:50He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp
00:10:54Plus, his name's Chris, it's a sign
00:10:56Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face
00:11:01What? He does not
00:11:03Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face
00:11:05He looks just like Justin Bieber
00:11:07With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest
00:11:11Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:14Look, Chris is my soul mate
00:11:17Okay, well, sweet dreams
00:11:19See you in the morning
00:11:25I knew it would happen someday
00:11:28I just didn't expect it to happen so soon
00:11:55You're so perfect
00:12:25I knew that's what I look like
00:12:35Too bad no one could ever compare to you
00:12:54Too bad no one could ever compare to you
00:13:08Tomorrow's the day
00:13:24Oh my gosh, they're coming
00:13:33Lexi, Cheryl, hurry
00:13:38Ew, why?
00:13:40It's for Jake to unwrap me
00:13:41It's gonna be really sexy
00:13:43I'm gonna surprise him
00:13:44You're gonna die of asphyxiation
00:13:46He's gonna be really sexy
00:13:48It's stupid
00:13:49Just screw him
00:13:50That's what he wants
00:13:51That's what all guys want
00:13:52Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ
00:13:55Can I wrap your mouth too?
00:13:57Anyway
00:13:58What guys want is someone who's sexy
00:14:00Not someone they can just have sex with
00:14:02You're an idiot
00:14:03A very smooth plastic wrapped idiot
00:14:06Thank you
00:14:08Seriously, come on, hurry up
00:14:14Oh, what a cool bracelet
00:14:16I love it
00:14:19You should put that down though
00:14:20Cause it's like, it's very fragile
00:14:22Yeah
00:14:23Set it down
00:14:25Hurry up
00:14:28Those were your anal beads, right?
00:14:29Yeah
00:14:30Okay
00:14:30Let's go
00:14:30Whoa, whoa
00:14:54Oh, we're gonna have some fun
00:14:55Oh, attack of the wet t-shirt
00:14:56I'm gonna make sure it's nice!
00:15:06Happy birthday, Lex!
00:15:09No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:12That is lip poison to plump your lips, but be careful it stings.
00:15:16And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:19Oh, how did you know?
00:15:21I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:26Buster, such a cutie.
00:15:30Please don't touch my service time.
00:15:32All right, sorry. Are you okay now?
00:15:35Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:36Okay, see you later.
00:15:40I can't believe you haven't heard of this.
00:15:42This is crazy.
00:15:43Jake! Hi!
00:15:45Hey, Ben.
00:15:46Happy birthday.
00:15:48Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:51What? You want a beer?
00:15:56No.
00:16:01Oh, hon.
00:16:02Yeah.
00:16:05I have your present here.
00:16:07I'll give it to you later.
00:16:08When the time's right.
00:16:09Oh.
00:16:10You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:12And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:17Hey, bro.
00:16:19We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:22Oh, a bet.
00:16:26All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:28Hey.
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30How you doing?
00:16:31Hey.
00:16:40Check it out!
00:16:42Dare me.
00:16:43Oh, dude.
00:16:44Look at those.
00:16:45Are those real?
00:16:46I don't know.
00:16:47Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:16:48Hey.
00:16:49I do.
00:16:50Move.
00:16:51Come on.
00:16:52Lame.
00:16:53Oh.
00:16:54All right.
00:16:55Okay.
00:16:56I'll see you guys later.
00:16:57Go do some push-ups or something.
00:16:58Aw, the move.
00:16:5920 bucks says, by the end of the day, I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:00Yeah.
00:17:01They're fake anyways.
00:17:02Who cares?
00:17:03Okay.
00:17:04Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:05I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:06I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:07I'm blind.
00:17:08You fucking asshole.
00:17:09I'm blind.
00:17:10You fucking asshole.
00:17:11I'm blind.
00:17:12I'm blind.
00:17:13I'm blind.
00:17:14You fucking asshole.
00:17:29I'm blind.
00:17:30Sue, no.
00:17:31It's your birthday.
00:17:32Here, let me.
00:17:33Joanna, no.
00:17:34Just go enjoy the birdie.
00:17:35It's not.
00:17:36Open.
00:17:37Hey, do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:42I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:45Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:47I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:48It just, like, disappeared.
00:17:50Are these real?
00:18:03Of course they are.
00:18:04I'm just wondering.
00:18:05How come I haven't met you before?
00:18:07I don't know.
00:18:08Maybe he's just gonna be around.
00:18:09Fine.
00:18:10Have you seen Jake?
00:18:11Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:14Maybe upstairs.
00:18:15I don't know.
00:18:16Oh.
00:18:17Maybe you want to go get my birthday present?
00:18:19That's probably where you went.
00:18:21Oh, well.
00:18:24Liquid Courage?
00:18:25Yeah.
00:18:26Mm-hmm.
00:18:27Atta girl.
00:18:31Vodka Cranberry?
00:18:32Surely simple.
00:18:35Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:36I can go meet around.
00:18:39Sue?
00:18:40Are you okay?
00:18:41Sue?
00:18:42Relax.
00:18:44They're just guys.
00:18:45Okay.
00:18:46Nothing to be scared of.
00:18:47Seriously.
00:18:48I'll be fine.
00:18:49Is Chris here?
00:18:55Wow.
00:18:56It's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:57No.
00:18:58He does not have gateface.
00:18:59I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:01I'm gonna do it.
00:19:07Wow.
00:19:08It's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:10No.
00:19:11He does not have gateface.
00:19:12I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:13I'm gonna do it.
00:19:14I'm gonna do this.
00:19:15Good luck.
00:19:21Hey, you can do this.
00:19:22Just act like a slut.
00:19:23Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:28Yeah, my favorite chapter is Sodom and Gomorrah.
00:19:29Chris.
00:19:30Hi.
00:19:31Can I talk to you?
00:19:32Uh-huh.
00:19:33In private?
00:19:34No.
00:19:35No.
00:19:36Oh.
00:19:37Hey, Lexi.
00:19:38Hey, Lexi.
00:19:39Hey, Lexi.
00:19:40What?
00:19:41Chris.
00:19:42You're so sexy.
00:19:43Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just...
00:19:44I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:19:45No.
00:19:46No.
00:19:47Can I talk to you?
00:19:48No.
00:19:49No.
00:19:51No.
00:19:52No.
00:19:53No.
00:19:54No.
00:19:55No.
00:19:56No.
00:19:57No.
00:19:58No.
00:19:59No.
00:20:00No.
00:20:01No.
00:20:03No.
00:20:04No.
00:20:05No.
00:20:06No.
00:20:07No.
00:20:08No.
00:20:09No.
00:20:10No.
00:20:11No.
00:20:12No.
00:20:13No.
00:20:14No.
00:20:15No.
00:20:16No.
00:20:17No.
00:20:18No.
00:20:19No.
00:20:20No.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23No.
00:20:24No.
00:20:25No.
00:20:26No.
00:20:27No.
00:20:28No.
00:20:29No.
00:20:30No.
00:20:31No.
00:20:32No.
00:20:33No.
00:20:34No.
00:20:35No.
00:20:36No.
00:20:37No.
00:20:38No.
00:20:39No.
00:20:40I really do.
00:20:42I like you too.
00:20:44Really? You do?
00:20:46I do. I really do.
00:20:48It's just...
00:20:50I've devoted a lot of my life
00:20:52to one certain man.
00:20:54Right.
00:20:56Lexi said you were... Jesus.
00:20:58Oh. Batman.
00:21:00Of course. What did you think?
00:21:02Oh, nothing.
00:21:04So we can still do this then?
00:21:06Oh, Sue.
00:21:08You know,
00:21:10for me,
00:21:12when I think about that man
00:21:14who died for our sins,
00:21:16when I think about him
00:21:18up there on that cross,
00:21:20so helpless,
00:21:22yet so...
00:21:24muscular,
00:21:26with his strong thighs
00:21:28crossed over each other
00:21:30so delicately
00:21:32beneath that ragged
00:21:34loincloth
00:21:36growing so hot,
00:21:38so sweaty
00:21:40under that hot,
00:21:42hot sun.
00:21:44I just feel such...
00:21:46compassion.
00:21:48I think about those things too.
00:21:50So you understand why I can't do this?
00:21:52Not really.
00:21:54I just find it too hard.
00:21:56It is to...
00:21:58give in to carnal pleasure
00:22:00when...
00:22:02he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:04So...
00:22:06I'm gonna go out there, right?
00:22:14Andy, we're gonna tell him
00:22:16that he's on.
00:22:17Jake.
00:22:18Hey, hi.
00:22:19Whoa!
00:22:20Have you seen Jake?
00:22:22Uh, no.
00:22:23No.
00:22:24Alright.
00:22:27Okay.
00:22:28Alright, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:30Oh, there he is.
00:22:40Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:42How could he?
00:22:54Sue?
00:22:55What happened?
00:22:56Did you guys do it?
00:22:57Sue?
00:22:58He doesn't want me.
00:22:59Because he's gay.
00:23:00No, he's not.
00:23:01He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:03Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:04The only reason we even liked him
00:23:05is because you knew
00:23:06he was never a real possibility for you.
00:23:08Look.
00:23:09The only way
00:23:10you were gonna find out
00:23:11what kind of man you really want
00:23:12is to know what kind of woman
00:23:13you really are.
00:23:14Deep inside.
00:23:15What?
00:23:16Come with me.
00:23:17Where?
00:23:18To meet your dark side.
00:23:33Out.
00:23:34Everyone out.
00:23:48Sue.
00:23:49It's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:24:03I really can't.
00:24:04I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:07I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:12I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:18Sue?
00:24:19Can you see it?
00:24:21Sue.
00:24:25I'm almost...
00:24:27I'm almost there.
00:24:31Oh!
00:24:33What?
00:24:35What?
00:24:36Sue, what happened?
00:24:37What did you see?
00:24:38A raccoon?
00:24:39What?
00:24:41You overshot it.
00:24:42Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:51I can't.
00:24:52Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:53Okay.
00:24:54Fine.
00:24:55Fine.
00:24:56I didn't want to do this,
00:24:57but you leave me no choice.
00:24:58What?
00:24:59You really need an orgasm.
00:25:02Honestly,
00:25:03I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:05when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:07This really has to be your first step.
00:25:09Lex.
00:25:10I'm waiting.
00:25:11Coming.
00:25:12Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:14Just find it and use it.
00:25:17Wait.
00:25:18What does the black vibrator look like?
00:25:19It's black.
00:25:20It vibrates.
00:25:21Yes.
00:25:22Come on, Rod.
00:25:23Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:24And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:28Hey cutie!
00:25:29Cutie!
00:25:30Oh!
00:25:31Oh!
00:25:32Oh!
00:25:33Oh!
00:25:34Oh!
00:25:35Yeah!
00:25:36Oh!
00:25:37Oh!
00:25:38Oh!
00:25:39Oh!
00:25:40Oh!
00:25:41Oh!
00:25:42Oh!
00:25:43Oh!
00:25:44Oh!
00:25:45Oh!
00:25:46Oh!
00:25:47Oh!
00:25:48Oh yeah!
00:25:49Bang!
00:25:50Bang!
00:25:51Bang!
00:25:52Bang!
00:25:53Bang!
00:25:54Bang!
00:25:55Oh.
00:25:56Oh no!
00:25:57Oh boy.
00:25:58Straighten up.
00:25:59Good boy.
00:26:00Good boy.
00:26:02He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:05I'm sorry, I can't see anything.
00:26:08That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:10What a bitch.
00:26:11Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:14Ah!
00:26:19Ah!
00:26:22Ah!
00:26:24Ah!
00:26:29Ah!
00:26:31Oh, shit.
00:26:46What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:48Oh, shit.
00:26:50Nice shot.
00:26:52Direct hit.
00:26:55Here we go.
00:27:05Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:08Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:10He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:13For sure?
00:27:15I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him, so maybe, maybe it's my fault.
00:27:19That's no excuse.
00:27:20He's a dirtbag.
00:27:21How dare he?
00:27:22No, it's awful.
00:27:24I mean, I thought I was going to marry him.
00:27:26Oh, shit.
00:27:32It's a text.
00:27:33It's, it's from him.
00:27:34Um, I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:35Okay.
00:27:36Uh, he's looking for you.
00:27:38He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:40Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:42Um, I have to go.
00:27:43I'm going.
00:27:43No, you can't just leave.
00:27:45Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:48I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:50No.
00:27:51He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:27:54Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:55I see only one option.
00:27:58I'm leaving.
00:27:59Revenge sex.
00:28:01Re, I mean, what?
00:28:02What does that even mean?
00:28:03It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:09Revenge sex.
00:28:11Re, I mean, what?
00:28:12What does that even mean?
00:28:13It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:18But he, I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:20He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:21I mean, why would, he's just into other girls.
00:28:24Trust me, he'll care.
00:28:26Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:28To his ego?
00:28:30To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him?
00:28:33Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:28:38No, I couldn't.
00:28:40Plus, I mean, there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:44Eric!
00:28:45He's perfect!
00:28:46Eric Hall?
00:28:47Are you kidding?
00:28:49I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:51He likes your type.
00:28:52Really?
00:28:53And what type is that?
00:28:54He's bloody.
00:28:56Yeah.
00:28:57Trust me, he's amazing.
00:28:59I fooled around with him once.
00:28:59He has this great tongue ring.
00:29:01Oh, no.
00:29:02I could never fool around with somebody you fooled around with.
00:29:05Okay, then.
00:29:06Fine.
00:29:07We will find someone else.
00:29:08Someone that I haven't fooled around with.
00:29:14Okay, what does it matter that I fooled around with him?
00:29:17I mean, it's like you're not going to marry the guy.
00:29:19No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:21Fine.
00:29:21If you want to live the rest of your life, knowing that you had one chance to do the right
00:29:25thing, to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage and possibly
00:29:30even scar him with the rest of his existence, and you chose not to do it, go ahead.
00:29:34But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:41But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:45I don't know.
00:29:46Well, trust me, it's going to work.
00:29:54I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:29:58Hi, Cheryl.
00:29:59Okay, enough to chat with her.
00:30:01Oh, no.
00:30:02Hey.
00:30:13Happy birthday.
00:30:17Thanks.
00:30:32Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:44So, happy birthday.
00:30:50Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain, but it's
00:30:55actually from us, U.S.
00:30:57America?
00:31:00United States?
00:31:00I know where we live.
00:31:02Right.
00:31:03Of course.
00:31:07I know where we live.
00:31:09Right.
00:31:10Of course.
00:31:15Hey, Jesus, Erica, are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:18Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:19Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:20I just...
00:31:20No, you're fine.
00:31:30Jake!
00:31:31So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:39Oh, I'm sorry.
00:31:41It?
00:31:42What, um...
00:31:43It.
00:31:44Like, monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket.
00:31:48Get real nasty.
00:31:49Oh, oh, you mean, like, uh, right now?
00:31:55I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:57You know, the sooner the better.
00:32:00Yeah, sure.
00:32:01I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:02Um, I just never realized that you...
00:32:04I mean, whew, uh, it's just, you're so, you're so beautiful.
00:32:17Okay, um, no Cassine.
00:32:21Right, um, of course.
00:32:24Sorry.
00:32:24So, um, do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:32Oh, wow.
00:32:32Uh, you're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:37Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:39You, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:43Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:45You, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:47Organic.
00:32:49Yep.
00:32:51So, the wrap.
00:32:53Right.
00:32:54Um, uh, where's the, uh...
00:32:57It's, uh, the end is, the edge is, like, right over here.
00:32:59Oh, oh, yeah, here it is.
00:33:00Yeah.
00:33:00That's where I see it.
00:33:01Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:03Ow, ow, ow.
00:33:05Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:33:07I, um...
00:33:08It's, it's okay.
00:33:09Here, do it again.
00:33:12Sorry, I, uh, I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:15You know what?
00:33:15Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:18Okay.
00:33:19Uh, let me just see.
00:33:27Oh, here it is.
00:33:28I got it.
00:33:29All right.
00:33:29Just, um, pull it.
00:33:31Let me just...
00:33:32Oh, jeez.
00:33:35Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:37You okay?
00:33:38Help!
00:33:38Help!
00:33:38Uh...
00:33:39Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:43Oh, jeez.
00:33:50Well, that was stupid.
00:33:55Yeah.
00:34:01How you doing tonight?
00:34:02You having a good time?
00:34:04Yeah?
00:34:04You good?
00:34:05Jake!
00:34:06I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:08What?
00:34:09I can't hear you.
00:34:11Another beer.
00:34:13Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:15Jake!
00:34:15Sorry, we're...
00:34:16Upstairs.
00:34:17Yeah.
00:34:18Hold on.
00:34:19Take a piss.
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:21Okay.
00:34:21Oh, uh...
00:34:27Oh, uh...
00:34:33Oh, uh...
00:34:35Ugh.
00:34:36Ugh.
00:34:39Ugh.
00:34:41Ugh.
00:34:43Finally.
00:34:49I, uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:34:53Oh, no, no.
00:34:54No, no, no.
00:34:55Um, don't worry about it.
00:34:57What?
00:34:58I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:02Oh. Well, okay.
00:35:05Okay.
00:35:19Finally. I, uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:35:23Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Um, don't worry about it.
00:35:27What?
00:35:28I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:33Oh.
00:35:35Well, okay.
00:35:36Okay.
00:36:02What are you doing?
00:36:07Oh.
00:36:08Oh.
00:36:09Oh.
00:36:10Oh.
00:36:11Oh.
00:36:12Oh.
00:36:13Oh.
00:36:14Oh.
00:36:21What are you doing?
00:36:22Uh, I think it's time.
00:36:25You know.
00:36:26Do it.
00:36:27Um, not yet. More foreplay.
00:36:28Huh?
00:36:29Oh.
00:36:30Oh.
00:36:31Oh.
00:36:32Oh.
00:36:33Oh.
00:36:34Oh.
00:36:35Oh.
00:36:37Oh.
00:36:38Oh.
00:36:39Oh.
00:36:40So good.
00:36:41Oh.
00:36:42Oh.
00:36:44Yep.
00:36:45Oh, my God.
00:36:46Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:48What, what, what?
00:36:49Ah, ah, oh.
00:36:51Ah, yeah.
00:36:53Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:36:54Is that even a thing?
00:36:56I don't know.
00:36:58Ah.
00:36:59Are you okay?
00:37:03No, no, no, no, it's, uh, it's fine.
00:37:06I'm just, uh, embarrassed.
00:37:08I, it's probably TMJ or fracture or swollen.
00:37:15You sure you're okay?
00:37:17Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:37:18Okay, great.
00:37:19Have fun.
00:37:20Oh.
00:37:25Now, now, let's do it now.
00:37:27No, not yet, not yet.
00:37:31All right, I'm gonna come.
00:37:32I'm gonna come.
00:37:33No, not yet, not yet.
00:37:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:36No, no, no, no, not yet.
00:37:37Lexi!
00:37:38Lexi!
00:37:39Oh!
00:37:40Shit!
00:37:41Oh!
00:37:42No, no, no, no, not yet.
00:37:44Lexi!
00:37:45Lexi!
00:37:46Oh!
00:37:47Shit!
00:37:48Oh!
00:37:49No means no.
00:37:50Huh?
00:37:51Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:52I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:37:53It's been a really long time and I just, I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:37:59Uh-oh.
00:38:02Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:05How you doing?
00:38:06How's it going?
00:38:07Good.
00:38:08Eric?
00:38:10Come.
00:38:11Eric, help me.
00:38:12I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:38:14Excuse me.
00:38:18Cheryl's in here.
00:38:24What's up, bro?
00:38:25What the fuck is...
00:38:28Hey, wait!
00:38:30Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:38:32Still waiting.
00:38:39Oh, I'm sorry, I can't see, I'm blind.
00:38:43Damn it.
00:38:44I'm gonna save somebody to that bitch.
00:38:47Hey, you!
00:38:49You better stop making fun of the blind or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:38:53Help!
00:38:55I'm so sorry.
00:38:56I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:38:57I'm so sorry.
00:38:58I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:38:59Ah!
00:39:00Oh, yeah.
00:39:01Oh, yeah.
00:39:02Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
00:39:07Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:24This party's ass.
00:39:26Yeah!
00:39:29This just isn't working out.
00:39:35Nothing.
00:39:37What's the big deal about these vibrators, anyway?
00:39:42Be careful, man.
00:39:43The lock sticks.
00:39:44Spark it up.
00:39:45All right.
00:39:46Yes.
00:39:49Oh, man.
00:39:50I love this game.
00:39:51Go with the controllers.
00:39:52We got to play.
00:39:53Here, here, here.
00:39:54OK.
00:39:55Let me find another one.
00:39:56All right.
00:39:57Watch out.
00:39:58Woo!
00:40:00Look at this.
00:40:01Oh, my god.
00:40:03Oh, man.
00:40:04Get that thing away.
00:40:05Jesus.
00:40:06Oh.
00:40:07Hey, dude.
00:40:10Nice shot.
00:40:11Wasn't me.
00:40:12Whoa.
00:40:13Whoa.
00:40:14Nice.
00:40:15Are you sitting in there or something?
00:40:16Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:17Nice.
00:40:18Nice.
00:40:19Nice.
00:40:20Nice.
00:40:21Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:26Whoa!
00:40:27Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:28Nice.
00:40:29Nice.
00:40:30Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:43Whoa!
00:40:45Whoa, you are the controller I didn't
00:41:01I swear, I...
00:41:13Hey, hey, Sue!
00:41:15What are you going, man?
00:41:18It's okay, um, hey, hey, Sue!
00:41:21Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:32Yeah, I just needed to, um...
00:41:35Oh, sure.
00:41:37Listen, Sue, I...
00:41:39I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:42You were?
00:41:43You mean...
00:41:45Y-yeah.
00:41:47So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:52Could we go get a drink?
00:41:57Wow, um, your toilet's really clogged.
00:42:01You...
00:42:02You know what?
00:42:03I-I gotta go.
00:42:04Um, happy birthday.
00:42:05Uh, no!
00:42:06No, there wasn't!
00:42:07I didn't...
00:42:08Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:17This is the worst idea ever.
00:42:23Never going to have sex.
00:42:25Ow.
00:42:26Ow.
00:42:45Hello?
00:42:46A little attention here.
00:42:48Oh, yeah.
00:42:49Sorry.
00:42:50Lex.
00:42:51Don't be selfish.
00:42:52Oh, right.
00:42:53Sorry.
00:42:54Ugh.
00:42:55Ugh.
00:42:56Jeez.
00:42:57Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:42:59Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:00Screw it.
00:43:01Ugh.
00:43:02Ugh.
00:43:03Ugh.
00:43:04Geez.
00:43:05Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:07Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:08Screw it.
00:43:09Ugh.
00:43:10Ugh.
00:43:11Geez.
00:43:12Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:14Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:15Screw it.
00:43:16Ugh.
00:43:17Ugh.
00:43:18Screw it.
00:43:48Oh no, that was bad, that was so bad.
00:44:15Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:18I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:25Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:29Yes, it does.
00:44:31So, you're JJ?
00:44:33Uh-oh.
00:44:48Hello, welcome to 1-900 Confess.
00:44:58Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:00A nun.
00:45:01Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:08Please hold.
00:45:10Thank goodness.
00:45:141-900 Confession, how may I be of service?
00:45:16It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:19I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:21One day?
00:45:25Is that too long?
00:45:26I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:29Go on.
00:45:30Um, okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:31Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did.
00:45:32What's her problem?
00:45:33A washing machine touched her.
00:45:37Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:45:39All right, Freak, time's up.
00:45:40What?
00:45:41But what do I do?
00:45:42Just unplug the thing.
00:45:43No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:46Well, then be happy.
00:45:47You found the perfect man.
00:45:48I'm serious.
00:45:49Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:45:52I'll tell you this.
00:45:53Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:45:54No contritions?
00:45:55You broke no covenant with God.
00:45:56It's not in the Bible.
00:45:57So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:45:58Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:45:59No.
00:46:00No.
00:46:01No.
00:46:02No.
00:46:03No.
00:46:04No.
00:46:05No.
00:46:06No.
00:46:07No.
00:46:08No.
00:46:09No.
00:46:10No.
00:46:11No.
00:46:12No.
00:46:13No.
00:46:14No.
00:46:15No.
00:46:16No.
00:46:17No.
00:46:18No.
00:46:19No.
00:46:20No.
00:46:21No.
00:46:22No.
00:46:23No.
00:46:24No.
00:46:25No.
00:46:26No.
00:46:27No.
00:46:28No.
00:46:29No.
00:46:30No.
00:46:31No.
00:46:32No.
00:46:33No.
00:46:34No.
00:46:35No.
00:46:36No.
00:46:37No.
00:46:38No.
00:46:39No.
00:46:40No.
00:46:41No.
00:46:42No.
00:46:43No.
00:46:44No.
00:46:45No.
00:46:46No.
00:46:47No.
00:46:48No.
00:46:49No.
00:46:50No.
00:46:51No.
00:46:52Revenge sex, what a stupid fucking idiot.
00:47:03God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:06Yeah, admit it.
00:47:08I've got no game.
00:47:10I guess I can scare you.
00:47:11I guess I'm a beautiful man.
00:47:16Fucking douchebag.
00:47:18Damn it.
00:47:20I know I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:22You go, girl.
00:47:24What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed someplace private.
00:47:31But hey, listen, if you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:34If you want someone great.
00:47:35I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank, the blind guy.
00:47:44Really?
00:47:45I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:56Everything.
00:47:59If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:03What about him?
00:48:11Jeremy.
00:48:12Oh, yeah.
00:48:12I know Jeremy.
00:48:14Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:16I didn't know his last name, though.
00:48:19It's Jones.
00:48:20Jeremy Jones.
00:48:22This all makes sense.
00:48:23Excuse me.
00:48:25Jeremy.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:27Hey.
00:48:28Who's on the phone?
00:48:30Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:32You'll meet her.
00:48:33It'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:34Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:49Oh.
00:48:50Hey, Frank.
00:48:51Sit.
00:48:52Oh, you meant, you meant the dog.
00:49:00Relax.
00:49:02You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:14Oh, I'm, I'm relaxed.
00:49:15I'm fine.
00:49:16Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:18I'm not.
00:49:19How did you know that?
00:49:25Corner.
00:49:29Sit.
00:49:32Roll over.
00:49:35Oh, you mean me.
00:49:39Roll over.
00:49:42Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Oh, how do you, how do you want me to?
00:49:47Just lay down.
00:49:48Oh, I, uh.
00:49:59Oh.
00:50:00Oh.
00:50:00Oh.
00:50:00I shouldn't even be doing this, but considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:12See me with your hands.
00:50:13All right.
00:50:17All right.
00:50:18Uh.
00:50:25You know, I should really, I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:28Really.
00:50:28Oh.
00:50:41Mm.
00:50:42Peanut butter.
00:50:46All right.
00:50:51All right.
00:50:52Frank, Frank, oh, oh, Frank.
00:51:22You know what, ma'am?
00:51:28Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:29My chips, old boy.
00:51:31Dude, give me a chip, man.
00:51:32My chips.
00:51:33Dude, my chip.
00:51:34Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:36My chips?
00:51:38Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:41Sorry.
00:51:49It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:51That's all.
00:51:56No, let me do this.
00:51:57Go away.
00:51:58I got it.
00:51:59I got it.
00:51:59No, really, please.
00:52:00I want to help.
00:52:04Okay, everybody out.
00:52:06Leave.
00:52:07I have to back you.
00:52:08You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:22They're over here.
00:52:23I just, I see some dust over here, so.
00:52:29It's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:33It's a dirty floor.
00:52:35Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:39You're over here, Ash.
00:52:56Okay.
00:52:57I think I got all of that.
00:53:02I'm just going to see how...
00:53:13Frankie!
00:53:15Oh, my. Oh.
00:53:16What was that?
00:53:17What?
00:53:18Fucking shit.
00:53:20Man, we got to smoke.
00:53:21Oh, we can smoke in here.
00:53:24Stop.
00:53:25Frank, stop teasing Frank.
00:53:28Oh, shit.
00:53:29Sorry, man.
00:53:30We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:32Oh, I heard something.
00:53:33You want to join us?
00:53:34Uh...
00:53:35No, I might...
00:53:36Come on, you gotta do it!
00:53:37Come on!
00:53:38Seriously, guys, I need to...
00:53:39What's your dog, man?
00:53:40Dude!
00:53:41What's it like being blinded?
00:53:42It's tripping.
00:53:46Frank?
00:53:48Frank, are we going to do something soon?
00:53:50Bro, you are too funny.
00:53:56Thanks, man.
00:53:57Ooh, this is some good stuff.
00:53:59I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:00Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:03Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:04I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:09Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:10This is some good shit.
00:54:11This is some good shit.
00:54:30Oh, no.
00:54:31You're the devil.
00:54:32No more.
00:54:36JJ, I'm...
00:54:37Jeremy!
00:54:38You have to remember that amazing time we had together,
00:54:41don't you?
00:54:42Please.
00:54:43Lex, I can't.
00:54:45I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:47I really like this girl.
00:54:49Fine.
00:54:50It's just so sad,
00:54:52because I'm wearing this...
00:54:54coupless bra,
00:54:55and I also have on crotchless panties,
00:54:58with just a little string of pearl in front
00:55:01for extra stimulation.
00:55:03Oh.
00:55:05We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:10Perfect.
00:55:16Before she gets here.
00:55:17Perfect.
00:55:28Do it.
00:55:29Let's do it.
00:55:30Fuck me.
00:55:31Fuck me now.
00:55:32What?
00:55:36What's wrong?
00:55:37I can't...
00:55:38I can't get it in.
00:55:39Just try down there.
00:55:41It's like desert down there.
00:55:43It's sandpaper.
00:55:44I just...
00:55:45Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:46Just try it again.
00:55:50No.
00:55:51Why is this happening?
00:55:53We've fooled around before.
00:55:55I was dripping wet.
00:55:56I came like four times, remember?
00:55:58Just do what you did then.
00:55:59Go on.
00:56:00I already did my thing.
00:56:01I already tried.
00:56:03What?
00:56:04What?
00:56:05What is different this time?
00:56:07I don't know.
00:56:08Last time...
00:56:12I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:14What?
00:56:16You're not JJ?
00:56:18But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:20How can you not be JJ?
00:56:22Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:25Where are you going?
00:56:26We're not done here.
00:56:27We're not done here.
00:56:28I can still do this.
00:56:29I just need a little bit of work.
00:56:30What?
00:56:31I can do this.
00:56:32I don't need JJ.
00:56:33I don't need anyone else.
00:56:34We can do this.
00:56:37Go team.
00:56:41What?
00:56:42Just keep going.
00:56:48Shit.
00:56:49What?
00:56:50Where's Jeremy?
00:56:51Where's Jeremy?
00:56:58Where's Jeremy?
00:57:01We were just, you know...
00:57:04Hey babe.
00:57:05Just working out.
00:57:10How could you?
00:57:11You bastard!
00:57:12You might wanna...
00:57:15You might wanna...
00:57:16What?
00:57:18What?
00:57:23Mariela!
00:57:25Mariela!
00:57:26You know those aren't mine!
00:57:28At least not all of them.
00:57:31What is wrong with you?
00:57:36What is wrong with you?
00:57:37You used to be so pure.
00:57:40Well, no more.
00:57:41That's it.
00:57:42Really.
00:57:43That's the last one.
00:57:55Come on.
00:57:56Oh my god.
00:58:14Cheryl!
00:58:18What is it?
00:58:19What are you doing down here?
00:58:22Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
00:58:26What?
00:58:27Why?
00:58:28Nothing.
00:58:29Just this blind guy and his dog and...
00:58:32Honey.
00:58:33It's gonna be okay.
00:58:35No, it's not okay.
00:58:37God.
00:58:39And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:40I'm sorry.
00:58:41It's Jake's.
00:58:42Jake's fault.
00:58:44That blind cheating bastard.
00:58:46Yes.
00:58:47He is such a dickwad.
00:58:48You need to confront him.
00:58:50Yeah.
00:58:51Yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:52I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?
00:58:55Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:58:57You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
00:59:00Yeah, a big piece.
00:59:01A big old chunk of my mind.
00:59:03A big piece of it.
00:59:04Yeah.
00:59:06You know, you might wanna...
00:59:08You need to look hot while you break up with him.
00:59:10Yeah, you're right.
00:59:11Why?
00:59:12Why am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:13No.
00:59:20I'm sorry.
00:59:21I'm so...
00:59:23I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:28I got no game.
00:59:29It's not important.
00:59:35It's not important.
00:59:48Hey, um...
00:59:49Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:50No, no, no.
00:59:51I really need to talk to you.
00:59:53Really, Eric, I can't right now, so...
00:59:55No, no, no.
00:59:56I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier and I'm just embarrassed and I wanna make it up to you.
01:00:02Eric, really?
01:00:03I don't care.
01:00:04It's fine.
01:00:05No, but I do.
01:00:06I mean, I do.
01:00:07I care.
01:00:08I...
01:00:09I haven't known how to tell you.
01:00:11Maybe cause, uh...
01:00:12I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:00:14But...
01:00:15I was wondering or hoping...
01:00:17That...
01:00:18We could go out sometime.
01:00:20Soon.
01:00:21Because I'm gonna be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out.
01:00:24Really?
01:00:25Eric, you're shy.
01:00:27You have no game.
01:00:29No, not really.
01:00:32Yeah, no, I can't do this. Sorry.
01:00:38Okay.
01:00:39Alright.
01:00:40I, uh...
01:00:43Happy birthday, then.
01:00:54I'm sorry.
01:00:55I was trying to kiss you.
01:01:05Wow.
01:01:08Here I come, baby.
01:01:09Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:23Oh.
01:01:24Eric, stop.
01:01:25Um, we can't do this.
01:01:26Oh, God.
01:01:27Sorry.
01:01:28Oh, no, um...
01:01:29Honey, happy...
01:01:32The fuck is this?
01:01:33Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:35Okay.
01:01:36Guys, don't.
01:01:39Cheryl.
01:01:40Baby.
01:01:41What is this?
01:01:44Aw, gee, Cheryl.
01:01:45You're...
01:01:47I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:01:50Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:51You couldn't find me?
01:01:53What about all those girls' vaginas you were in or your penis getting sucked?
01:01:58Cheryl, honey.
01:01:59No, no.
01:02:00We can work this out.
01:02:01Baby, I love you.
01:02:03Jake, no.
01:02:04You have to go.
01:02:05Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:02:06I promise.
01:02:07No, Jake.
01:02:08I can't do this.
01:02:09I'm sorry.
01:02:10Cheryl, come on.
01:02:11No.
01:02:12Jake, please.
01:02:13Just go.
01:02:14Just go.
01:02:15I'm sorry.
01:02:16You're a heartless bitch!
01:02:17How can you do...
01:02:18Yay!
01:02:19You did it.
01:02:20I am so proud of you.
01:02:21You got your revenge sex.
01:02:22You left him a mere shell of a man.
01:02:24Oh.
01:02:25Revenge sex?
01:02:26It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:30Right.
01:02:31That all makes sense now.
01:02:34Wow.
01:02:35I feel really stupid.
01:02:37Eric, I'm really...
01:02:38I'm really sorry.
01:02:40Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:02:43And you used me.
01:02:45Eric, please don't go.
01:02:46Please, Eric!
01:02:47Aren't you happy?
01:02:50Well, no.
01:02:51That's not exactly what I was supposed to feel like.
01:02:55You mean the sex?
01:02:56Was it...
01:02:57Yeah?
01:02:58No, we didn't quite do it.
01:03:00Oh.
01:03:01You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:02Really?
01:03:03I just never found the right guy.
01:03:05Or guys.
01:03:06Anyway.
01:03:07We better get downstairs.
01:03:08People are starting to leave.
01:03:09I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:11I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:24This is bullshit!
01:03:25God!
01:03:26Oh!
01:03:27Oh!
01:03:28Oh!
01:03:29Dude, suck it!
01:03:30What the?
01:03:31God, I'm out of here!
01:03:33Yeah!
01:03:34He has good hair, though.
01:03:36Don't you puke on me.
01:03:41And don't puke in my car, either.
01:03:43Right, set, break, stop.
01:03:45I might need a vacation.
01:03:48Vacation, vacation.
01:03:51Take this information through your head.
01:03:55Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:03:58Was it from sex?
01:04:00Did you pop your cork?
01:04:01I don't think so.
01:04:02I'm out with the guy, anyway.
01:04:04Oh, don't ask.
01:04:06Every possible object.
01:04:08It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:10It was like...
01:04:11Transformers.
01:04:12They just all became vibrators.
01:04:14Ha!
01:04:15I told you.
01:04:16It's addicting.
01:04:19So what about Chris?
01:04:20Well, last time I saw him,
01:04:21he was running away for dear life.
01:04:23I told you he was gay.
01:04:24Oh.
01:04:25Well, I think I'm just...
01:04:26Oh, cramp.
01:04:28Oh.
01:04:29Oh.
01:04:30I think it's broken.
01:04:31So wait.
01:04:32None of us cashed an RV card.
01:04:40Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:42So I was gonna go grab some food.
01:04:44Wanna go?
01:04:45No.
01:04:47I think I should finish up here.
01:04:49Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:51No.
01:04:52I don't know.
01:04:53For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:04:57Or something.
01:04:59Why?
01:05:00Do you know him?
01:05:01Sort of.
01:05:02Oh.
01:05:03Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:05just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:13Love him.
01:05:14Shut it.
01:05:15I don't wanna hear it from you.
01:05:16You wanna get married.
01:05:17You wanna do it?
01:05:18I'm alright.
01:05:19I'm alright.
01:05:20I'm alright.
01:05:21I'm alright.
01:05:22I'm alright.
01:05:23I'm alright.
01:05:24I'm alright.
01:05:25I'm alright.
01:05:26We're gonna get married.
01:05:27Yeah, I'm alright.
01:05:28Um, no, no way.
01:05:58Oh, well, there's always next year.
01:06:26It's you.
01:06:28I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:33Joanna.
01:06:56I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:03I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:06I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:10I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:17I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:20I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:23I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:33Wow.
01:07:34That's amazing.
01:07:36Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:40I guess something inspired me.
01:07:43You really captured his expression in his eyes.
01:07:46Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.
01:07:52Whose?
01:07:53Eric's.
01:07:54Well, it's him, right?
01:07:57Oh.
01:07:59Yeah.
01:08:01I have to go see him.
01:08:05Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:09One nine hundred confess.
01:08:22Sister Terese?
01:08:24Yeah, hon.
01:08:25Um, there was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:27I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:30Oh, sure.
01:08:31Oh.
01:08:32It's two seven one.
01:08:34Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession,
01:08:36but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:39Do you think if you do something bad
01:08:41that God will forgive you?
01:08:43Like, take you back?
01:08:45Sure, hon.
01:08:46Why not?
01:08:47As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:50Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:52I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:08:56Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:00Sister?
01:09:02Can I get up now?
01:09:04I really gotta pee.
01:09:05No!
01:09:06Hush your trap!
01:09:08Okay, honey.
01:09:09I really need to get back to work,
01:09:11but call back any time.
01:09:13I will.
01:09:14Thanks.
01:09:18Sister?
01:09:19Shut up or I'll punish you hard, you shit fucker!
01:09:22Eric, wait!
01:09:37Cheryl?
01:09:38Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:50I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning,
01:09:53but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:55I just didn't wanna do that with you.
01:09:58The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:01Um, I, I do wanna go out with you.
01:10:05And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:08I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is,
01:10:12and he's all over these pink-
01:10:13Eric!
01:10:14Um, come on, I gotta get going.
01:10:17Oh.
01:10:18Wow.
01:10:19Um, Cheryl, uh, this is my sister Tina.
01:10:22Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:23Hi!
01:10:24Nice to meet you.
01:10:26Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days?
01:10:33When I get back?
01:10:34Yeah.
01:10:35Sure.
01:10:42Oh.
01:10:43Sorry.
01:10:44No kissing.
01:10:45Right.
01:10:46No, kissing.
01:10:47Oh.
01:10:48Mmm.
01:10:49Mmm.
01:10:50Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:07I, I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:11:10Wait, what?
01:11:11I never did that.
01:11:13I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:15She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:17Oh.
01:11:22She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:25I wonder who it was.
01:11:26Yes.
01:11:45At least this birthday's over.
01:11:56Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:12:01I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like, send me a sign?
01:12:05YourTOủ?
01:12:06Will you find that sign?
01:12:10Oh.
01:12:16Oh.
01:12:19Excuse me, excuse me, uh, do you know where the church is, it's on Fountain Street.
01:12:41Um, yeah, that's the church I go to, or used to go to, um, it's straight up that way and
01:12:47then left. Thank you. You're more than welcome to come with me if you like. Oh, um, I don't
01:12:55know. Well, that's pretty powerful. Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque. Like I said,
01:13:11you're more than welcome to hop on. I don't think so. But thanks. What's your name? Sue.
01:13:19What's yours? Jesus. Really? Si. Maybe I could use the ride.
01:13:33Ah?
01:13:41Uh?
01:13:43Oh, my God.
01:13:4545 minutes to break your Johan again.
01:13:49How dare you answer that while you're there?
01:13:51Wow.
01:13:53Oh, my God.
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