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Good Girls Gone Wild - Full Movie
Transcript
00:00:30Oh, bad.
00:00:39We have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:41I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So...
00:00:51But I wanted to be sure. Um, I think...
00:00:54So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:58Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:01:02Um, I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:01:05Uh, I'm going to lose my virginity to him. You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:10What? But you can't.
00:01:12I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:15Besides, you can't do that to us. You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:20This is bad.
00:01:21You know, I'm going to tell Lexi. She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:28Come on, Lexi.
00:01:46So girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:49Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:54But this is the big one eight.
00:01:56I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:02:00But this has to be newer and more special.
00:02:03So what's something we've never done before?
00:02:06Mushrooms?
00:02:07No, not like that. Like something nice.
00:02:10Like maybe a trip.
00:02:12Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:14No.
00:02:16Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:19So do I.
00:02:21Sorry, Sue.
00:02:22Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:35Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:37Yeah, sure.
00:02:39Here you go.
00:02:41No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:44I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:47I guess you still make me nervous.
00:02:52Oh, Jake.
00:02:57Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:03:00No, Jake. Not yet.
00:03:02When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:03:04The best night of my life.
00:03:06It will be. I promise.
00:03:08It'll always be amazing with you and me together.
00:03:18Jake, no. I have to go. I have to work on my art project.
00:03:23You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:26but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:30So you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:32The Saturday?
00:03:33Of course.
00:03:38Thanks.
00:03:40Okay. Bye.
00:03:48Not me. Not me. Not me.
00:03:52Oh, baby. You're so hot.
00:03:54I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:56Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:58What was your name again?
00:03:59Rob. Sex guy.
00:04:05Lexi is so upset she's speechless.
00:04:08Yeah, right. I bet.
00:04:12Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:15Oh, no.
00:04:17Do not compute.
00:04:19Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:25Oh, hi.
00:04:27When did you get home?
00:04:29So, is it true?
00:04:31Yes, it is.
00:04:33It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:36I mean, he's the right guy.
00:04:39He's the right man.
00:04:41I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy
00:04:45and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:48So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:50Lexi, tell her.
00:04:52Losing our virginity is one of those milestones
00:04:54we should all face together.
00:04:55On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:58Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday
00:05:00or maybe even, like, our 29th.
00:05:03Eight. Maybe.
00:05:06I'm sorry, guys. I know it's tradition, but...
00:05:09I'm sorry.
00:05:13I know it's tradition, but...
00:05:15I'm sorry.
00:05:21But, Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:24We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:27Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:31It's not Jake. It's the male ideal.
00:05:34Like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:38Right.
00:05:40Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:42Me and it kind of suck because I'm not really an artist.
00:05:44Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:46The point is we should all lose our virginities together
00:05:49on the same day and I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:52I'm waiting for a sign and then I'll know it's right.
00:05:55Look, I can go either way.
00:05:57I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:06:02I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:06:05Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:06:08But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:13You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:20Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:23To church. To pray for you.
00:06:25I want to be first in line.
00:06:27I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:29Yeah, me too.
00:06:32Okay.
00:06:39Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:41It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:43I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:45Mm-hmm.
00:06:47Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this,
00:06:50but it's about sex.
00:06:53Mm-hmm.
00:06:55I mean, not me.
00:06:57I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:59Mm-hmm.
00:07:01I've never even seen a guy's...
00:07:03Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll,
00:07:06but I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:07:08and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:14Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:16My best friends.
00:07:18They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:20Okay.
00:07:22Third base.
00:07:24What? No. Like, sex.
00:07:26Like, intercourse.
00:07:28With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:30So they need us intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:32All the way.
00:07:34Go all the way.
00:07:36What are you...
00:07:38Ah!
00:07:40Ah!
00:07:42How could you do this?
00:07:44You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:46What?
00:07:52Yes.
00:07:54Yes!
00:07:56Run! Run!
00:07:58Ah, damn it!
00:08:02Fucking Yankees.
00:08:04Sorry.
00:08:06Okay.
00:08:28Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:30Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:32I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:34Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:38I have an announcement to make. I want to do it.
00:08:40Do you hear me?
00:08:42I want to do it.
00:08:44This weekend.
00:08:46On our birthday.
00:08:48Do what?
00:08:50It. Screw.
00:08:52Screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs.
00:08:54You know, shagging.
00:08:56Fucking.
00:08:58You do.
00:09:00But what about all your religious stuff?
00:09:02And what about your sign from heaven?
00:09:04Oh, I got a sign.
00:09:06At church.
00:09:08Really?
00:09:10Well, okay, great.
00:09:12We're all in then.
00:09:14So we'll have a big pool party,
00:09:16and we'll do it there.
00:09:18Right?
00:09:20Right.
00:09:22I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:24Hey, Frank!
00:09:26Oh, hi, Sue.
00:09:28Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:30I don't know. Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:32Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:34Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:40We'll be back.
00:09:42Hey.
00:09:44Um, I was wondering.
00:09:46We were throwing this party tomorrow night,
00:09:48and I was wondering
00:09:50if you'd be up for it.
00:09:52We're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:54It's for our birthday.
00:09:56Do you want to come?
00:09:58Do you think he can see up my shore?
00:10:10Well, the house looks done.
00:10:12Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:14We finally turn 18.
00:10:16And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:18Well, we better get our beauties to sleep
00:10:20because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:22So, okay, we know who Cheryl's gonna do it with.
00:10:24Jake.
00:10:26And I'll probably do that guy, Rod.
00:10:28But, Sue, who are you gonna pick to pop your chain?
00:10:30It's easy.
00:10:32I've known for the past six years,
00:10:34ever since catechism.
00:10:36What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:38I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:40Yeah!
00:10:48My soulmate.
00:10:52Chris?
00:10:54Sue, you, um,
00:10:56might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:58I mean...
00:11:00What? No, Chris is perfect.
00:11:02He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:11:04Plus, his name's Chris. It's a sign.
00:11:06Sue, the only sign
00:11:08is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:10What?
00:11:12He does not.
00:11:14Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:16He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:18With a little bit of Zac Efron
00:11:20and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:22Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:24Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:26Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:28See you in the morning.
00:11:30See you in the morning.
00:11:36I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:38I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:12:00You're so perfect.
00:12:30I knew that's what I look like.
00:13:00Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:16Tomorrow's our day.
00:13:30Oh my gosh.
00:13:32They're coming.
00:13:34Lexi! Cheryl!
00:13:36Hurry!
00:13:38Ew, why?
00:13:40It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:42It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:44I'm gonna sweat.
00:13:46You're gonna die of asphyxiation.
00:13:48It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:50It's stupid.
00:13:52Just screw him.
00:13:54It's stupid.
00:13:56It's stupid.
00:13:58It's stupid.
00:14:00Just screw him.
00:14:02That's what he wants.
00:14:04That's what all guys want.
00:14:06Who hurt you as a child?
00:14:08Oh, Christ.
00:14:10Can I have your mouth, too?
00:14:12Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:14not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:16You're an idiot.
00:14:18A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:22Guys, seriously, come on.
00:14:24Hurry up.
00:14:26I love it.
00:14:28You should put that down, though.
00:14:30It's very fragile.
00:14:32Yeah.
00:14:34Hurry up.
00:14:38Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:40Yeah.
00:14:56Whoa!
00:14:58Oh, we're gonna have some fun.
00:15:00Oh, attack of the wet T-shirts.
00:15:02Nice!
00:15:08Check, check, check, check.
00:15:12Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:14Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:18That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:20but be careful.
00:15:22It's dangerous.
00:15:24It's lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:26but be careful. It stings.
00:15:28And the other one is edible miscellaneous oil.
00:15:30Oh, how did you know?
00:15:32I mean, I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:38Oh, you're such a cutie.
00:15:40Please don't touch my service tie.
00:15:42All right, sorry.
00:15:44Are you okay now?
00:15:46Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:48Okay, see you later.
00:15:50I can't believe you haven't had a birthday.
00:15:52This is crazy.
00:15:54Jake! Hi!
00:15:56Hey, babe.
00:15:58Happy birthday.
00:16:00Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:02What?
00:16:04You want a beer?
00:16:06No.
00:16:10Oh, hon.
00:16:12Yeah.
00:16:16I have your present here.
00:16:18I'll give it to you later
00:16:20when the time's right.
00:16:22You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:24And I have a present for you
00:16:26that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:30Hey, bro.
00:16:32We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:34What bet?
00:16:38All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:40Hey.
00:16:42How you doing?
00:16:44Hi.
00:16:48Check it out.
00:16:50Dare me?
00:17:06Oh, dude, look at those.
00:17:08Are those real?
00:17:10Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:12Hey, move!
00:17:14Oh, all right.
00:17:16Oh, all right, okay.
00:17:18I'll see you guys later.
00:17:20Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:2220 bucks says by the end of the day
00:17:24I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:26They're fake anyways.
00:17:28Who cares?
00:17:30Okay.
00:17:34Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:36I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:40Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:42Here, let me.
00:17:44Go enjoy the party.
00:17:46I'm not.
00:17:48I'm thin.
00:17:50Hey.
00:17:52Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:54I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:56Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:58I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:18:00He just, like, disappeared.
00:18:02Are these real?
00:18:04Of course they are.
00:18:06How come I've never met you before?
00:18:08I don't know.
00:18:10Maybe he's gonna be around.
00:18:12Have you seen Jake?
00:18:14Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:16Maybe upstairs, I don't know.
00:18:18Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:20That's probably where he went.
00:18:22I don't know.
00:18:24Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:26I don't know.
00:18:28Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:30That's probably where he went.
00:18:32I don't know.
00:18:34Liquid Courage?
00:18:36Yeah.
00:18:38Atta girl.
00:18:40Vodka Cranberry?
00:18:42Shirley's Humble.
00:18:44Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:46I can go meet Rod.
00:18:48Sue?
00:18:50Are you okay?
00:18:52Sue? Relax.
00:18:54They're just lies.
00:18:56Nothing to be scared of, seriously.
00:18:58You're gonna be fine.
00:19:00Is Chris here?
00:19:06Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:08No, he does not have a gay face.
00:19:10I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:12I'm gonna do it.
00:19:18Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:20No, he does not have a gay face.
00:19:22I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:24I'm gonna do it.
00:19:26I'm gonna do it.
00:19:28I'm gonna do this.
00:19:30Hey, you can do this.
00:19:32Just act like a slut.
00:19:38Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:46Yeah, my favorite chapter is Psalm and Glory.
00:19:48Chris.
00:19:50Hi.
00:19:52Can I talk to you?
00:19:54What?
00:19:56In private.
00:20:10Hey, Lexi.
00:20:12What?
00:20:14Chris.
00:20:16You're so sexy.
00:20:18Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:20I've just...
00:20:22I want to be together.
00:20:24I really want to...
00:20:26Oh, what are you doing?
00:20:28Is that wrong?
00:20:30Sue, what's gotten into you?
00:20:32Nothing. I'm sorry.
00:20:34I don't know how to do this.
00:20:36Sue.
00:20:38Sue.
00:20:40I understand
00:20:42these urges.
00:20:44And, you know,
00:20:46I like you, too.
00:20:48Really? You do?
00:20:50I do. I really do.
00:20:52I like you, too.
00:20:54Really? You do?
00:20:56I do. I really do.
00:20:58It's just...
00:21:00I've devoted a lot of my life
00:21:02to one certain man.
00:21:04Right.
00:21:06Lexi said you were...
00:21:08Jesus.
00:21:10Oh, Batman.
00:21:12Of course. What did you think?
00:21:14Oh, nothing.
00:21:16So we can still do this, then?
00:21:18Oh.
00:21:20You know, for me,
00:21:22when I think about
00:21:24that man
00:21:26who died for our sins,
00:21:28when I think about him
00:21:30up there on that cross,
00:21:32so helpless yet so
00:21:34muscular,
00:21:36with his strong
00:21:38thighs
00:21:40crossed over each other
00:21:42so delicately
00:21:44beneath that ragged
00:21:46cloth,
00:21:48growing so hot,
00:21:50so sweaty under that hot,
00:21:52hot sun,
00:21:54I just feel such
00:21:56compassion.
00:21:58I think about those things, too.
00:22:00So you understand
00:22:02why I can't do this?
00:22:04Not really.
00:22:06I just find it too hard.
00:22:08It is to give in
00:22:10to carnal pleasure when
00:22:12he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:14So...
00:22:28Whoa!
00:22:30Have you seen Jake?
00:22:32Uh, no. No.
00:22:34All right.
00:22:36Okay.
00:22:38All right. Focus. Focus. Focus.
00:22:44Oh, there he is.
00:22:48Oh, he got me
00:22:50the puppy that I wanted.
00:23:04How could you?
00:23:08Sue, what happened?
00:23:10Did you guys do it?
00:23:12Sue?
00:23:14He doesn't want me.
00:23:16Because he's gay.
00:23:18No, he's not. He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:20Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:22The only reason you even liked him
00:23:24is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you?
00:23:26Look,
00:23:28the only way you're gonna find out
00:23:30what kind of man you really want
00:23:32is to know what kind of woman you really are
00:23:34deep inside.
00:23:36What?
00:23:38Come with me.
00:23:40Time to meet your dark side.
00:23:48Out.
00:23:50Everyone out.
00:23:58Sue,
00:24:00it's time for you and your vagina
00:24:02to meet face-to-face.
00:24:10I really can't.
00:24:12I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:14I'm not letting you out
00:24:16until you look.
00:24:20I'm not letting you out
00:24:22until you look.
00:24:24Sue?
00:24:26Can you see it?
00:24:28Sue?
00:24:32I'm almost...
00:24:34I'm almost there.
00:24:36What?
00:24:38What?
00:24:40Sue, what happened?
00:24:42What did you see?
00:24:44A raccoon?
00:24:46What?
00:24:48You overshot it.
00:24:50Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:58I can't.
00:25:00Please don't make me do that again.
00:25:02Okay, fine. Fine.
00:25:04I didn't want to do this,
00:25:06but you leave me no choice.
00:25:08What?
00:25:10You really need an orgasm.
00:25:12Honestly, I don't know how you expected
00:25:14to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:16when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:18This really has to be your first step.
00:25:20Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:22Coming. Sue, my black vibrator
00:25:24is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:26Just find it and use it.
00:25:28Wait. What does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:30It's black. It vibrates.
00:25:32Come on, Rod.
00:25:34Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:36And don't come back
00:25:38until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:50Hey, cutie!
00:25:52Cutie!
00:25:56Oh!
00:25:58Booze-eye!
00:26:00Yeah!
00:26:04Bang. Bang.
00:26:06Bang.
00:26:08Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:10Good boy. Good boy.
00:26:12He knows over 100 commands.
00:26:16I'm sorry. I can't see anything.
00:26:18That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:20What a bitch.
00:26:22Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:30Ugh.
00:26:32Ugh.
00:26:34Ugh.
00:26:40Ugh.
00:26:50Oh, shit.
00:26:56What's wrong with this thing?
00:27:00Nice shot.
00:27:02Direct hit.
00:27:16Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:18Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:20He was getting a blowjob
00:27:22by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:24For sure?
00:27:26I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:28but maybe it's my fault.
00:27:30That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag.
00:27:32How dare he?
00:27:34No, it's awful.
00:27:36I mean, I thought I was gonna marry him.
00:27:42It's a text.
00:27:44It's from him. I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:46Okay.
00:27:48He's looking for you.
00:27:50He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:52Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:54I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:56Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:58I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:28:00No. He'll either deny it
00:28:02or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:04Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:06I see only one option.
00:28:08Uh, he's looking for you. He wants to give you your...
00:28:10I'm leaving.
00:28:12Revenge sex birthday gift.
00:28:14Oh, I can't face him.
00:28:16Um, I have to go. I'm going.
00:28:18No, you can't just leave.
00:28:20Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing's...
00:28:22Re... I mean, what?
00:28:24What does that even mean?
00:28:26I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:28:28No. He'll either deny it
00:28:30or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:32Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:34I see only one option.
00:28:36I'm leaving.
00:28:38Revenge sex.
00:28:40Re... I mean, what?
00:28:42What does that even mean?
00:28:44He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:46Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:48I see only one option.
00:28:50I'm leaving.
00:28:52Revenge sex.
00:28:54Re... I mean, what?
00:28:56What does that even mean?
00:28:58It means you find a guy,
00:29:00you screw his brains out,
00:29:02and you let Jake catch you.
00:29:04But he... I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:29:06He doesn't even care about me.
00:29:08I mean, why would... He's just into other girls.
00:29:10Trust me. He'll care.
00:29:12Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:29:14To his ego.
00:29:16To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:29:18Especially if it's with someone smarter,
00:29:20better-looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:29:24No, I... I couldn't.
00:29:26Plus, I mean, there's...
00:29:28There's no one smarter and better-looking.
00:29:30Eric! He's perfect!
00:29:32Eric Hall? Are you kidding?
00:29:34I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:29:36He likes your type.
00:29:38Really? And what type is that?
00:29:40He's flirty.
00:29:42Yeah. Trust me, he's amazing.
00:29:44I fooled around with him once.
00:29:46He has this great tongue ring.
00:29:48No, I could never fool around with somebody
00:29:50you've fooled around with.
00:29:52Okay, then. Fine. We will find someone else.
00:29:54Someone that I haven't fooled around with.
00:30:00Okay, what does it matter
00:30:02that I fooled around with him?
00:30:04I mean, it's like you're not gonna marry the guy.
00:30:06No, I just couldn't do it.
00:30:08Fine. If you wanna live the rest of your life
00:30:10knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:30:12to make your boyfriend feel like a total
00:30:14worthless piece of garbage and possibly
00:30:16scar him with the rest of his existence
00:30:18and you chose not to do it, go ahead.
00:30:20But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able
00:30:22to live with yourself.
00:30:24I don't know.
00:30:28But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able
00:30:30to live with yourself.
00:30:32I don't know.
00:30:34Trust me. It's going to work.
00:30:40I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:30:42Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:44Okay, enough to jabber.
00:30:46Oh, no.
00:30:58Hey.
00:31:00Happy birthday.
00:31:02Thanks.
00:31:12Oh.
00:31:24Have you guys seen Jake?
00:31:30So...
00:31:32happy birthday.
00:31:34Uh, do you know...
00:31:36Uh, do you know...
00:31:40Uh, do you know that most people think
00:31:42that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:31:44But it's actually from us.
00:31:46U.S.
00:31:48America.
00:31:50United States.
00:31:52I know where we live.
00:31:54Right. Of course.
00:31:58I know where we live.
00:32:00Right. Of course.
00:32:02Hey, Jesus, Eric,
00:32:04are you going to make your move or not?
00:32:06Oh, you want me to move?
00:32:08Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:32:10I just...
00:32:12No, you're fine.
00:32:22Are you the guy?
00:32:24No, I just couldn't do it.
00:32:26Fine.
00:32:28If you want to live the rest of your life
00:32:30and have one chance to do the right thing
00:32:32to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage
00:32:34and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence
00:32:36and you chose not to do it,
00:32:38go ahead.
00:32:40But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:32:44I don't know.
00:32:46But honestly,
00:32:48I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:32:50I don't know.
00:32:52Trust me.
00:32:54It's going to work.
00:33:00I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:33:04Hi, Cheryl.
00:33:06Oh, no.
00:33:18Hey.
00:33:20Happy birthday.
00:33:22Thanks.
00:33:30Oh.
00:33:44Have you guys seen Jake?
00:33:50So...
00:33:52Happy birthday.
00:33:54Uh, do you know that
00:33:56most people think that the happy birthday song
00:33:58was from Britain,
00:34:00but it's actually from us, U.S.
00:34:02America?
00:34:04United States?
00:34:06I know where we live.
00:34:08Right. Of course.
00:34:12I know where we live.
00:34:14Right. Of course.
00:34:20Hey, Jesus, Eric.
00:34:22Are you going to make your move or not?
00:34:24Oh, you want me to move? Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:34:26No, you're fine.
00:34:38Jake!
00:34:42So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:34:44Oh, I'm sorry.
00:34:46It?
00:34:50Monkey bone in and, like,
00:34:52pigs in a blanket.
00:34:54It. Like...
00:35:00Get real nasty.
00:35:02Monkey bone in and, like,
00:35:04pigs in a blanket.
00:35:06Get real nasty.
00:35:08Oh. Oh. You mean, like,
00:35:10uh,
00:35:12right now?
00:35:14I mean, well, yeah. You know, the sooner the better.
00:35:16Yeah, sure.
00:35:18I mean, yeah, of course.
00:35:20I just never realized that you...
00:35:22I mean...
00:35:24Whew.
00:35:26Uh...
00:35:28It's just...
00:35:30You're so...
00:35:32You're so beautiful.
00:35:34Okay. Um...
00:35:36Uh, no kissing.
00:35:38Right. Um...
00:35:40Of course. Sorry.
00:35:44So, um...
00:35:46Do you want to unwrap me?
00:35:48Oh, wow.
00:35:50Uh, you wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:35:52or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:35:54Now that you left over, you're not.
00:35:56Uh, you're fresh.
00:36:00Now that you left over, you're not.
00:36:02Uh, you're fresh.
00:36:04Organic.
00:36:06Yep.
00:36:08So the wrap.
00:36:10Right.
00:36:12Um, where's the, uh...
00:36:14It's, uh, the end is...
00:36:16The edge is, like, right over here.
00:36:18I see it. Um, let me just, uh...
00:36:20Got it. Uh...
00:36:22Ow. Ow. Ow.
00:36:24Sorry. Sorry. I, um...
00:36:26It's okay. Do it again.
00:36:28Sorry. I, uh...
00:36:30I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:36:32You know what? Let me just lay you on the bed.
00:36:34Okay.
00:36:40Uh...
00:36:42Let me just see.
00:36:44Oh, here it is. I got it.
00:36:46All right. This is him.
00:36:48United States. I know where we live.
00:36:50Right. Of course.
00:36:54I know where we live.
00:36:56Right. Of course.
00:37:02Pull it.
00:37:04Let me just...
00:37:06Jesus, Eric, are you gonna make your move or not?
00:37:08Oh, you want me to move? Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:37:10I just...
00:37:12No, you're fine.
00:37:14Oh!
00:37:16Oh, geez. Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:37:18Are you okay? Help!
00:37:28Uh...
00:37:32Jake!
00:37:36So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:37:38Oh. I'm sorry.
00:37:40It... Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:37:42What, um...
00:37:44It. Like, monkey bone-in
00:37:46and, like, pigs in a blanket
00:37:48get real nasty.
00:37:50Oh. Oh.
00:37:52You mean, like, uh...
00:37:54Oh, geez.
00:37:58Right now?
00:38:00I mean, well, yeah.
00:38:02You know, the sooner, the better.
00:38:04Yeah, sure.
00:38:06I mean, yeah, of course.
00:38:08I just never realized that you...
00:38:10I mean...
00:38:12Whew.
00:38:14Uh...
00:38:16It's just...
00:38:18You're so...
00:38:24You're so beautiful.
00:38:26Okay, um...
00:38:28Uh, no kissing.
00:38:30Right, um, of course.
00:38:32Sorry.
00:38:36Well, that was stupid.
00:38:38So, um...
00:38:40Do you want to unwrap me?
00:38:42Oh, wow.
00:38:44Uh, you wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:38:46or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:38:48Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:38:50Uh, you're fresh.
00:38:54Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:38:56Uh, you're fresh.
00:38:58Organic.
00:39:00Yeah.
00:39:02Heck. Yep.
00:39:05So, the wrap.
00:39:07Right.
00:39:09Um, where's the, uh...
00:39:13It's, uh, the end is...
00:39:15The edge is, like, right over here.
00:39:17Oh, oh, yeah, here it is. I see it.
00:39:19Um, let me just, uh...
00:39:21Ow, ow, ow.
00:39:23Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.
00:39:25It's okay.
00:39:27Do it again.
00:39:29Sorry, I, uh...
00:39:31I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:39:33Let me just lay on the bed.
00:39:37How you doing tonight?
00:39:39Okay.
00:39:41Having a good time?
00:39:43Jake!
00:39:47Uh, let me just see.
00:39:49Oh, here it is.
00:39:51I got it.
00:39:53All right.
00:39:55Ah!
00:39:57Oh, jeez.
00:39:59Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:40:01Are you okay?
00:40:05I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:40:07What?
00:40:09Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:40:11Oh, jeez.
00:40:19Well, that was stupid.
00:40:21Yeah.
00:40:23I can't hear you.
00:40:25Ha.
00:40:29How you doing tonight?
00:40:31Having a good time?
00:40:33Jake, I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:40:35What?
00:40:37I can't hear you.
00:40:39Another beer.
00:40:41Chips are so damn salty.
00:40:45Hold on.
00:40:47Take a piss.
00:40:49Jake!
00:40:51Upstairs. Yeah.
00:40:53Hold on.
00:40:55Take a piss.
00:40:57How much beer?
00:41:11Ah!
00:41:13Ah!
00:41:15Ah!
00:41:17Ah!
00:41:23Finally.
00:41:25I, uh...
00:41:27Let me just get the blinds.
00:41:29Oh, no, no, no.
00:41:31Um, don't worry about it.
00:41:33What?
00:41:35I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:41:37Oh.
00:41:39Well, okay.
00:41:41Okay.
00:41:53Finally.
00:41:55Ah, he can't hear me, at least.
00:41:57Okay, I've got to go.
00:41:59I can't hear you.
00:42:01I've got to go.
00:42:07How you doing?
00:42:19No!
00:42:21I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:42:26Oh.
00:42:28Well, okay.
00:42:29Okay.
00:42:51Okay.
00:43:14What are you doing?
00:43:17I think it's time.
00:43:19You know, to do it.
00:43:23Um, not yet. More foreplay.
00:43:25Huh? Oh.
00:43:35Ah.
00:43:37Yep.
00:43:39So good.
00:43:41Ah.
00:43:43Yep.
00:43:44Ow, my jaw.
00:43:45Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:43:47What? What?
00:43:48Ow, ow.
00:43:49Oh.
00:43:50Ah.
00:43:52Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:43:53Is that even a thing?
00:43:55I don't know.
00:43:57Ah.
00:43:58Are you okay?
00:44:02No, no, no. It's, uh, it's fine.
00:44:05I'm just embarrassed.
00:44:07It's probably TNJ or fracture or swollen.
00:44:14Are you sure you're okay?
00:44:15Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:44:17Okay, great. Have fun.
00:44:18Oh.
00:44:21Ah.
00:44:25Now, let's do it now.
00:44:26No, not yet, not yet.
00:44:28Ah.
00:44:30Now.
00:44:36All right, I'm gonna come.
00:44:37Now, let's do it now.
00:44:38No, not yet, not yet.
00:44:42All right, I'm gonna come.
00:44:43I'm gonna come.
00:44:44No, not yet, not yet.
00:44:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:44:47No, no, no, not yet.
00:44:48Let's see.
00:44:49Let's see.
00:44:50Oh.
00:44:51Oh.
00:44:54No, no, no, not yet.
00:44:55Let's see.
00:44:56Let's see.
00:44:57Oh.
00:44:58Oh.
00:44:59No means no.
00:45:00Huh?
00:45:01Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:45:02I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:45:03It's been a really long time,
00:45:04and I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:45:10Uh-oh.
00:45:12Oh, hey, Jake.
00:45:15How you doing?
00:45:17How's it going?
00:45:18Good.
00:45:19Eric?
00:45:20Come.
00:45:21Eric, help me.
00:45:22I'm blind.
00:45:23I can't see anything.
00:45:24Excuse me.
00:45:28Cheryl's in here.
00:45:34What's up, bro?
00:45:35What the fuck is...
00:45:38Hey, wait.
00:45:40Hey, wait.
00:45:42Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:45:50Oh, I'm sorry.
00:45:51I can't see.
00:45:52I'm blind.
00:45:54Damn it.
00:45:58Hey, you.
00:46:00You better stop making fun...
00:46:01I'm gonna say something to that bitch.
00:46:04Hey, you.
00:46:06You better stop making fun of the blind,
00:46:08or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:46:12I'm so sorry.
00:46:14I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:46:39Sorry.
00:46:50Oh, man.
00:46:51No more water balloons.
00:46:52This party's ass.
00:46:56Yeah!
00:47:00This just isn't working.
00:47:03Nothing.
00:47:04What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:47:09Lock your character, man.
00:47:10The lock sticks.
00:47:12Spark it up.
00:47:13Yes.
00:47:17Oh, man.
00:47:18I love this game.
00:47:19Where are the controllers?
00:47:20We gotta put them...
00:47:21Here, here, here.
00:47:22Okay, let me find another one.
00:47:28What is this?
00:47:31You, you, you.
00:47:33Get that thing away.
00:47:34Jesus.
00:47:36Get that thing away.
00:47:37Get that thing away.
00:47:45Hey, dude.
00:47:46Nice shot.
00:47:48Wasn't me.
00:47:53Whoa, whoa.
00:47:54Nice.
00:47:56Are you sitting on it or something?
00:47:59Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:48:00Nice.
00:48:01Nice.
00:48:08Yeah.
00:48:13Do you have the extra controller?
00:48:25Whoa!
00:48:27You are the controller.
00:48:29No, I just...
00:48:31I didn't...
00:48:32I swear, I...
00:48:38All right.
00:48:39All right.
00:48:40Hey, hey, Sue.
00:48:42What's going on, man?
00:48:45It's okay.
00:48:46Hey, Sue.
00:48:58Hey.
00:48:59Didn't you hear me calling you?
00:49:00Yeah, I just needed to...
00:49:03Oh, sure.
00:49:04Listen, Sue.
00:49:06I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:49:09You were?
00:49:11You mean...
00:49:13Yeah.
00:49:16So, you think we should give it a try?
00:49:20Could we...
00:49:24Wow, your toilet's...
00:49:26Go get a drink?
00:49:28Do you know what?
00:49:29I gotta go.
00:49:30Happy birthday.
00:49:31No, Chris.
00:49:32No, that wasn't...
00:49:33I didn't...
00:49:34Oh, God.
00:49:35Never mind.
00:49:58This was the worst idea ever.
00:50:04This was the worst idea ever.
00:50:06Never going to have sex.
00:50:08Fucks.
00:50:10Ow.
00:50:28Hello?
00:50:29A little attention here.
00:50:34Hello?
00:50:35A little attention here.
00:50:41Oh, yeah.
00:50:42Sorry.
00:50:57Hello?
00:50:58A little attention here.
00:51:06Max.
00:51:07Go.
00:51:08Oh, yeah.
00:51:09Sorry.
00:51:15Max.
00:51:16Go.
00:51:22Don't be selfish.
00:51:23Oh, right.
00:51:24Sorry.
00:51:25Don't be selfish.
00:51:26Don't be selfish.
00:51:27Oh, right.
00:51:28Sorry.
00:51:41Jeez.
00:51:43Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:51:45Too much fucking multitasking.
00:51:48Screw it.
00:51:56Fuck.
00:52:27Fuck.
00:52:45That was bad.
00:52:46That was...
00:52:47That was...
00:52:48So bad.
00:52:57Joanna.
00:52:58Do you know a guy named...
00:52:59Do you know a guy named JJ?
00:53:03I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:53:08Hey.
00:53:09Does your name start with a J?
00:53:12Yes, it does.
00:53:14So, you're JJ?
00:53:15Yeah.
00:53:16So, you're JJ?
00:53:17Yeah.
00:53:18So, you're JJ?
00:53:19Yeah.
00:53:20So, you're JJ?
00:53:21Yeah.
00:53:22So, you're JJ?
00:53:23Yeah.
00:53:24So, you're JJ?
00:53:25So, you're JJ?
00:53:26Uh-uh.
00:53:50Welcome to 1-900-CONFESS.
00:53:52Would you like a...
00:53:55Hello.
00:53:56Welcome to 1-900-CONFESS.
00:53:58Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:54:00A nun.
00:54:01Please punch in your credit card number.
00:54:08Please hold.
00:54:09Thank goodness.
00:54:141-900-CONFESSION.
00:54:15How may I be of service?
00:54:16CONFESSION.
00:54:19CONFESSION.
00:54:20How may I be of service?
00:54:21It's been one day since my last confession.
00:54:23I accuse myself...
00:54:30...of the following sins.
00:54:31One day.
00:54:41Is that too long?
00:54:42I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:54:45Go on.
00:54:47Okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:54:51Well, actually, I didn't.
00:54:52A washing machine did.
00:54:53What's her problem?
00:54:55A washing machine touched...
00:55:02Alright, freak. Time's up.
00:55:03What? But what do I do?
00:55:04Just...
00:55:05You know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:55:08Alright, freak. Time's up.
00:55:09What? But what do I do?
00:55:11Just unplug the thing.
00:55:12No, but...
00:55:13But I think I might have...
00:55:14But I think I might have had an...
00:55:16...orgasm.
00:55:17Well, then, be happy.
00:55:19You found the perfect man.
00:55:20I'm serious.
00:55:23Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:55:26Alright, freak. Time's up.
00:55:28What? But what do I do?
00:55:29Just unplug the thing.
00:55:31No, but...
00:55:32But I think I might have had an...
00:55:34...orgasm.
00:55:35Well, then, be happy.
00:55:37You found the perfect man.
00:55:38I'm serious.
00:55:39Look, honey.
00:55:40You seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:55:43I'll tell you this.
00:55:45Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:55:47No contusions?
00:55:49You broke no covenant with God.
00:55:50It's not in the Bible.
00:55:53So, the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:55:56Like, morning, afternoon, night?
00:55:59Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:56:02Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:56:04Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:56:08God's pretty cool that way.
00:56:10He sure is.
00:56:11Now, run along.
00:56:18How do you know all that?
00:56:20Because I'm a nun.
00:56:21Now, eat my pussy, bitch.
00:56:33Accidental masturbation.
00:56:35Who'd have thought?
00:56:45Gross.
00:56:48Fuck.
00:56:54Revenge sex.
00:56:55What a stupid fucking idea.
00:57:00Revenge sex.
00:57:01What a stupid fucking idea.
00:57:03God, I'm getting out of here.
00:57:10I guess I can skip it.
00:57:11I mean, I'm a son of a bitch.
00:57:13Yeah, I admit it.
00:57:14I've got no game.
00:57:16I guess I can skip it.
00:57:17I mean, I'm a son of a bitch.
00:57:22Fucking douchebag.
00:57:24Damn it.
00:57:26I know I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:57:29You go, girl.
00:57:31What?
00:57:33What are you doing here?
00:57:35We needed some place private.
00:57:37But hey, listen.
00:57:38If you're serious about getting laid.
00:57:40Yeah?
00:57:41If you want someone great.
00:57:42I mean, really.
00:57:43The best ever.
00:57:45No offense.
00:57:47Frank.
00:57:48The blind guy?
00:57:49Really?
00:57:51I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:57:54I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:57:56It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:57:59It was like we used all our senses.
00:58:02Everything.
00:58:05If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:58:08I'll...
00:58:14Alright.
00:58:21What about him?
00:58:23Jeremy.
00:58:24Yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:58:26I think I fooled around with him once.
00:58:28I don't know his last name though.
00:58:31It's Jones.
00:58:32Jeremy Jones.
00:58:34This all makes sense.
00:58:35Excuse me.
00:58:37Jeremy.
00:58:39Hi.
00:58:40Hey.
00:58:41Who was on the phone?
00:58:42Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:58:44You'll meet her.
00:58:45She'll be here in like an hour.
00:58:46Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:59:01Oh.
00:59:02Hi, Frank.
00:59:04Sit.
00:59:08Oh, you meant...
00:59:10You meant the dog.
00:59:13Relax.
00:59:15You need to relax and calm down.
00:59:26Oh, I'm...
00:59:32Oh, I'm...
00:59:33I'm relaxed. I'm fine.
00:59:35Why are you biting your nail?
00:59:36Bite your nail.
00:59:37I'm not.
00:59:39How did you know that?
00:59:43Corner.
00:59:47Sit.
00:59:49Roll over.
00:59:53Oh, you mean me.
00:59:56Roll over.
01:00:02Oh, you mean me.
01:00:05Roll over.
01:00:09Oh, you mean me.
01:00:11Oh, how do you...
01:00:13How do you want me to...
01:00:15Just lie down.
01:00:27Oh.
01:00:28I shouldn't even be doing this, but...
01:00:31Considering it a teachable moment.
01:00:34Okay.
01:00:39Oh.
01:00:42See me with your hands.
01:00:47Alright.
01:00:55You know, I should really...
01:00:56I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
01:00:58Really.
01:01:09Mmm, peanut butter.
01:01:30Oh, Frey.
01:01:31Frey. Frey.
01:01:32Oh.
01:01:38Oh, Frank.
01:02:06Yo, man.
01:02:07Dude, give me a cheer.
01:02:08My...
01:02:11Yo, man.
01:02:12Dude, give me a cheer.
01:02:14My chips, homeboy.
01:02:15Dude, give me a cheer, man.
01:02:16My chips.
01:02:17Dude.
01:02:18My chips.
01:02:19Dude, give me a cheer.
01:02:21My chips.
01:02:23Guys, why are you making such a mess?
01:02:26Sorry.
01:02:34It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
01:02:36That's all.
01:02:41Come on, let me do this.
01:02:42Go ahead.
01:02:43I got it, I got it.
01:02:44No, really, please.
01:02:45I want to help.
01:02:49Okay, everybody out.
01:02:51Leave.
01:02:52I have to vacuum.
01:02:54Come on.
01:03:06You're not even getting the chips.
01:03:07They're over here.
01:03:10I see some dust over here, so...
01:03:15It's just so much dust on this floor.
01:03:19It's a dirty floor.
01:03:20It's such a dirty...
01:03:23Dirty floor.
01:03:41Okay.
01:03:44All right.
01:03:46I think I got all that.
01:03:47I'm just gonna...
01:03:49I'll see you.
01:03:54Oh, Jesus.
01:03:56Frankie.
01:03:58Oh, my...
01:03:59What was that?
01:04:00What?
01:04:02Oh, fucking shit.
01:04:03Oh, man, we got a smoky...
01:04:04Oh, we can smoke in here.
01:04:07Stop.
01:04:08Frank, stop teasing Frank.
01:04:11Oh, shit.
01:04:12I'm sorry, man.
01:04:13We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
01:04:15Oh, I heard something.
01:04:16You want to join us?
01:04:18No, I'm not...
01:04:19Come on.
01:04:20You got to do it.
01:04:21Come on.
01:04:22Seriously, guys, I need...
01:04:23Where's your dog, man?
01:04:24Dude, what's it like being blinded?
01:04:25It's trippy.
01:04:30Frank?
01:04:32Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
01:04:36Bro, you are too funny.
01:04:40Thanks, man.
01:04:41Ooh, this is some good stuff.
01:04:43I haven't smoked since junior high.
01:04:44Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
01:04:47Wait, wait, wait.
01:04:48I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
01:04:50I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
01:04:54Damn, I really can't remember.
01:04:56This is some good shit.
01:05:15Oh, no.
01:05:16You're the devil.
01:05:18No more.
01:05:21JJ, I...
01:05:22Jeremy, you have to remember
01:05:24that amazing time we had together, don't you?
01:05:27Please.
01:05:28Lex, I can't.
01:05:31I mean, I got a girlfriend.
01:05:32I really like this girl.
01:05:34Fine.
01:05:36It's just so sad
01:05:37because I'm wearing this
01:05:39cutlass bra
01:05:40and I also have on crotchless panties
01:05:44with just a little string of pearl in front
01:05:46for extra stimulation.
01:05:49Oh.
01:05:54We've got like 30 minutes
01:05:55before she gets here.
01:05:56Perfect.
01:06:01Before she gets here.
01:06:02Perfect.
01:06:13Do it.
01:06:14Let's do it.
01:06:15Fuck me.
01:06:16Fuck me now.
01:06:18Fuck me.
01:06:21What?
01:06:22What's wrong?
01:06:23I can't.
01:06:24I can't get it in.
01:06:26Try down there.
01:06:27It's like desert down there.
01:06:29It's sandpaper.
01:06:30I just...
01:06:31Okay, I get the picture.
01:06:32It's like...
01:06:33Just try it again.
01:06:36No.
01:06:37Why is this happening?
01:06:39We fooled around before.
01:06:41I was dripping wet.
01:06:42I came like four times, remember?
01:06:44Just do what you did then.
01:06:45Go on.
01:06:46I already did my thing.
01:06:47I already tried.
01:06:49What?
01:06:50What is different this time?
01:06:52I don't know.
01:06:54Last time...
01:06:57I honestly don't even know
01:06:58what you're talking about.
01:07:00What?
01:07:02You're not JJ?
01:07:04But your name is Jeremy Jones.
01:07:05How can you not be JJ?
01:07:08Who the hell is this JJ?
01:07:11Where are you going?
01:07:12We're not done here.
01:07:14I can still do this.
01:07:15I just need a little bit of foreplay.
01:07:16I can still do this.
01:07:18I don't need JJ.
01:07:19I don't need anyone else.
01:07:20We can do this.
01:07:23Go team.
01:07:27What?
01:07:28Just keep going.
01:07:34Shit.
01:07:44Where's Jeremy?
01:07:46We were just, you know...
01:07:49Hey babe.
01:07:50Just working out.
01:07:55How could you, you bastard?
01:08:00You might wanna...
01:08:01What?
01:08:03What?
01:08:08Mariella!
01:08:09Mariella!
01:08:11You know those aren't mine.
01:08:13These aren't all of them.
01:08:16What is wrong with you?
01:08:21What is wrong with you?
01:08:24You used to be so pure.
01:08:26Well, no more.
01:08:27That's it.
01:08:28Really, that's the last one.
01:08:46What?
01:09:02Cheryl?
01:09:07What is it?
01:09:08What are you doing down here?
01:09:10I'm waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
01:09:14What?
01:09:15Why?
01:09:16Nothing.
01:09:17Just this blind guy and his dog.
01:09:20Honey, it's gonna be okay.
01:09:23No, it's not okay.
01:09:25God.
01:09:27And you know whose fault it is?
01:09:28I'm sorry.
01:09:29It's Jake's.
01:09:30Jake's fault.
01:09:32That blind, cheating bastard.
01:09:34Yes.
01:09:35He is such a dickwad.
01:09:36You need to confront him.
01:09:38Yeah.
01:09:39Yeah, I need to confront him.
01:09:41I mean, it's my birthday.
01:09:42And where is he anyway?
01:09:43Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
01:09:45You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
01:09:48Yeah, a big piece.
01:09:49A big old chunk of my mind.
01:09:51A big piece of it.
01:09:52Yeah.
01:09:54You know, you might want to...
01:09:56You need to look hot while you break up with him.
01:09:58Yeah, you're right.
01:10:00Why am I wearing a sheet?
01:10:01I don't know.
01:10:08I'm sorry.
01:10:09I'm sorry.
01:10:10I'm sorry.
01:10:12I get shy around beautiful women like you.
01:10:16I got no game.
01:10:24It's not important.
01:10:36Hey, um...
01:10:37Eric, I can't talk right now.
01:10:39No, no, no, I really need to talk to you.
01:10:41Really, Eric, I can't right now.
01:10:43No, no, no.
01:10:44I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier.
01:10:47And I'm just embarrassed and I don't want to make it up to you.
01:10:50Eric, really?
01:10:51I don't care.
01:10:52It's fine.
01:10:53No, but I do.
01:10:54I mean, I do.
01:10:55I care.
01:10:57I haven't known how to tell you.
01:10:59Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:11:02But I was wondering, or hoping, that we could go out sometime.
01:11:08Sometime.
01:11:09Soon.
01:11:10Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out with like...
01:11:14Really?
01:11:15Eric, you're shy.
01:11:16You have no game.
01:11:18No, not really.
01:11:21Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:11:22Sorry.
01:11:27Okay.
01:11:28Alright.
01:11:29I, uh...
01:11:32Happy birthday, then.
01:11:44I'm sorry.
01:11:45I was trying to kiss your...
01:11:54Wow.
01:12:06Here I come, baby.
01:12:07Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:12:12Oh.
01:12:13Eric, stop.
01:12:14Um, we can't do this.
01:12:15Oh, God, baby.
01:12:16Not again.
01:12:17Oh, no, um...
01:12:18Honey, happy...
01:12:21The fuck is this?
01:12:22Who the hell are you, dude?
01:12:24Okay, guys, don't.
01:12:28Cheryl.
01:12:29Baby.
01:12:31What is this?
01:12:33Aw, jeez, Cheryl.
01:12:34You're...
01:12:35You're...
01:12:36I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:12:39Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:12:41You couldn't find me?
01:12:43What about all those girls' vaginas you were in
01:12:45or your penis getting sucked?
01:12:48Cheryl, honey.
01:12:49No, no.
01:12:50We can work this out.
01:12:51Baby, I love you.
01:12:52Jake, no.
01:12:53You have to go.
01:12:54Baby, I'll be faithful from now on.
01:12:55Please.
01:12:56I promise.
01:12:57No, Jake.
01:12:58I can't do this.
01:12:59I'm sorry.
01:13:00Cheryl, come on.
01:13:01No, Jake, please.
01:13:02Baby, come on.
01:13:03Just go.
01:13:04You're a heartless bitch!
01:13:05How could you do...
01:13:07Yay!
01:13:08You did it.
01:13:09I'm so proud of you.
01:13:10You got your revenge sex.
01:13:11You've left a man to be a shell of a man.
01:13:13Revenge sex?
01:13:16It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:13:19Right.
01:13:21That all makes sense now.
01:13:24Wow.
01:13:25I feel really stupid.
01:13:27Eric, I'm really...
01:13:28I'm really sorry.
01:13:30Cheryl.
01:13:31I really liked you.
01:13:32And you used me.
01:13:34Eric, please don't go.
01:13:35Please, Eric!
01:13:38Aren't you happy?
01:13:40Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:13:44You mean the sex?
01:13:45Was it...
01:13:46Yeah.
01:13:47No, he didn't quite do it.
01:13:48Oh.
01:13:49You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:13:51Really?
01:13:52I just never found the right guy.
01:13:53Or guys.
01:13:55Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:13:57People are starting to leave.
01:13:59I wonder how Sue did.
01:14:00I wonder how Sue did.
01:14:12I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:14:13This is bullshit!
01:14:19Suck it!
01:14:21Get out of here!
01:14:23Yeah!
01:14:24He has good hair, though.
01:14:25Yeah.
01:14:29Don't you puke on me.
01:14:31And don't puke on my car, either.
01:14:45Oh, Sue, are you alright?
01:14:49Was it from sex?
01:14:50Did you pop your cork?
01:14:51I don't think so.
01:14:52Not with the guy, anyway.
01:14:54Oh, don't ask.
01:14:55Every possible object.
01:14:58It's like every mechanical thing.
01:14:59It was like Transformers.
01:15:01They just all became vibrators.
01:15:04I told you.
01:15:05It's addicting.
01:15:08So, what about Chris?
01:15:09The last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:15:12I told you he was gay.
01:15:14Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:15:19I think it's broken.
01:15:21So, wait.
01:15:23None of us cashed an RV card.
01:15:29Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:15:32So, I was going to go grab some food.
01:15:33Want to go?
01:15:34No, thank you.
01:15:36I think I should finish up here.
01:15:38Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:15:40No.
01:15:43I don't know.
01:15:44For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:15:47Or something.
01:15:49Why? Do you know him?
01:15:50Sort of.
01:15:51Oh.
01:15:52Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:15:54just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:16:02Love him?
01:16:03Shut it.
01:16:04You want to do it with him?
01:16:05I don't want to hear it from you.
01:16:06You want to get married?
01:16:07You want to do it with him?
01:16:08Zip it.
01:16:09All right, all right, all right.
01:16:22Oh.
01:16:34Um, no.
01:16:35No way.
01:16:43Ugh.
01:16:52Oh, well.
01:16:53There's always next year.
01:17:15It's you.
01:17:17I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:17:21It's me.
01:17:29Joanna.
01:17:51♪
01:18:22♪
01:18:34Wow.
01:18:36That's amazing.
01:18:39Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:18:42I guess something inspired me.
01:18:45You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:18:48Yeah, even that little cowlick he has in his hair.
01:18:53Whose?
01:18:54Eric's.
01:18:55It's him, right?
01:18:58Oh.
01:19:00Yeah.
01:19:02I have to go see him.
01:19:08Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:19:191-900-CONFESS.
01:19:23Sister Therese?
01:19:25Yeah, hon?
01:19:26Um, there was a problem with your credit card.
01:19:28I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:19:31Oh, sure.
01:19:32Oh.
01:19:33It's 271.
01:19:35Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession,
01:19:37but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:19:40Do you think if you do something bad
01:19:42that God will forgive you?
01:19:44Like, take you back?
01:19:46Sure, hon.
01:19:47Why not?
01:19:48As long as you're on the right path.
01:19:51Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:19:53I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:19:58Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:20:02Sister?
01:20:03Can I get up now?
01:20:05I really gotta pee.
01:20:06No! Hush, you're trapped!
01:20:10Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work,
01:20:12but call back any time.
01:20:14I will.
01:20:16Thanks.
01:20:20Sister?
01:20:21Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you cheap fucker!
01:20:39Eric, wait.
01:20:46Eric, um, look, I am so sorry.
01:20:49Cheryl?
01:20:52Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:20:57I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning,
01:21:00but then at the end,
01:21:04I didn't want to do that with you.
01:21:06The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:21:10And I wasn't.
01:21:12I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:21:15The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:21:19I... I do want to go out with you.
01:21:23And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:21:26I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is,
01:21:28and he's all over these...
01:21:29Eric!
01:21:32Come on, we gotta get going.
01:21:34Oh, wow.
01:21:36Cheryl, this is my sister Tina.
01:21:38Tina, Cheryl.
01:21:41Hi, nice to meet you.
01:21:46Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days?
01:21:50When I get back?
01:21:52Yeah, sure.
01:21:58Oh.
01:22:00Sorry, no kissing, right?
01:22:01No kissing.
01:22:02Oh.
01:22:16Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:22:21I... I don't even care that you hooked up with Foxy.
01:22:24Wait, what? I never did that.
01:22:27I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:22:29She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:22:36She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:22:39I wonder who it was.
01:22:41I wonder who it was.
01:23:01At least this birthday's over.
01:23:11Oh.
01:23:16Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:23:19I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like, send me a sign?
01:23:41Excuse me, excuse me.
01:23:43Uh, do you know where the church is?
01:23:45It's on Fountain Street.
01:23:47Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:23:49Or used to go to.
01:23:51Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:23:56But you're more than welcome to come with me if you want to.
01:23:58I'm not going to.
01:23:59I'm not going.
01:24:00I'm not going.
01:24:01I'm not going.
01:24:02I'm not going.
01:24:03I'm not going.
01:24:04I'm not going.
01:24:05I'm not going.
01:24:06I'm not going.
01:24:07I'm not going.
01:24:08I'm not going.
01:24:09You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:24:11Oh, um, I don't know.
01:24:20Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:24:23Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:24:28Like I said, you're more than welcome to torque.
01:24:31Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:24:35I don't think so.
01:24:36But thanks.
01:24:37Thanks.
01:24:38What's your name?
01:24:39Sue.
01:24:40What's yours?
01:24:41Jesus.
01:24:43Really?
01:24:44Si.
01:24:47Maybe I could use a ride.
01:25:07You're welcome.
01:25:37Thanks.
01:25:38Thanks.
01:25:39Bye.