- 6 months ago
Category
š„
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:59About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24Don't you worry.
00:04:25Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:26But they go together fine.
00:04:27Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:59Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:22Sure I can get you down
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:58I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41It's not my fault.
00:08:42It's just that I don't like the old man.
00:08:44I don't like the old man.
00:08:45It's just that I don't like it.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra, you're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:27I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Studd.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Aye!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:14Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28They score.
00:14:42They score.
00:14:46Losing.
00:14:47Three-one.
00:14:49Excuse me, I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial, pictures, the boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know,
00:15:48oh, you know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:07Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response
00:16:45from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Fingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:1825-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Well, it's funny, isn't it, first date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing, or something, or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is, the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:16Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:39Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, the all of me past life flashed before me then.
00:21:07Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:48No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, wow.
00:22:11She doesn't, then?
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:27It's a German sod.
00:22:29I've not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:02Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may he reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:32Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52Come on.
00:24:59Come on.
00:25:00My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That neville's the greatest.
00:25:26Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:32You never promise he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:41He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:45Hopeless.
00:25:46Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51Five, five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven, which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:23My lot.
00:26:24At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:34It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:39Fate.
00:26:40All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:41So what?
00:26:42Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:43Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:44Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:45Is that Beryl?
00:26:46Yes.
00:26:47Yes.
00:26:48Hi.
00:26:49Hi.
00:26:50Hi.
00:26:51Hi.
00:26:52Good morning.
00:26:53I'm coming, anyone.
00:26:59I'm coming...
00:27:07No, God.
00:27:08I'm going...
00:27:11It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:36For example, there's things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was live and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17I talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thought you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54Many.
00:36:57One.
00:37:05All.
00:37:07One.
00:37:16One.
00:37:18One.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddle on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:14Where you are?
00:38:16Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Daryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:03I haven't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:09Not quite all.
00:39:10I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:11Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:12Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:15I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:16They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:17Yes they are.
00:39:18Mmm.
00:39:19Oh you were terrific.
00:39:20on the boss.
00:39:21Was it?
00:39:22Mmm.
00:39:23Terrific.
00:39:24Terrific.
00:39:25Self-control.
00:39:26Joan of Arc never married yet she led on infernal.
00:39:28Will you see that?
00:39:29Don stay with me.
00:39:30Well we'll see.
00:39:31Don touch them.
00:39:32All trumpets the bell for you.
00:39:33We'll see them.
00:39:35And you need to climb our hands.
00:39:36I've made a ė¤ģ.
00:39:37Leave you.
00:39:38Can you wait for them in light.
00:39:39You are ready for the changing mind to be a neat girl?
00:39:40Come on in light right now.
00:39:41I've given a cute little boy to go.
00:39:42Oh.
00:39:43Oh.
00:39:44Oh.
00:39:45Yes.
00:39:46I've given a more happy little boy.
00:39:47Here's theą¤² of recipes.
00:39:48How's it?
00:39:49Be little you.
00:39:50What a pug?
00:39:51Literally for ghosts.
00:39:52You should get them.
00:39:53You are tired now.
00:39:54Oh, oh.
00:39:55Is it a full and happy life? Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:07It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:14Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:22Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:52What's your name again?
00:40:54What's yours?
00:40:56Rock.
00:40:57That's not your real name.
00:40:58What's your name again?
00:40:59What's yours?
00:41:00Rock.
00:41:01That's not your real name.
00:41:03No.
00:41:04Stephen.
00:41:05Mmm.
00:41:06God, that turns me on.
00:41:07Mmm.
00:41:08Mmm.
00:41:09Mmm.
00:41:10Mmm.
00:41:11Mmm.
00:41:12Mmm.
00:41:13Mmm.
00:41:14What's your name again?
00:41:15What's yours?
00:41:16Rock.
00:41:17That's not your real name.
00:41:18No.
00:41:19Stephen.
00:41:20Mmm.
00:41:21God, that turns me on.
00:41:22Mmm.
00:41:23Mmm.
00:41:24Mmm.
00:41:25Mmm.
00:41:26Mmm.
00:41:27Mmm.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29Mmm.
00:41:30Mmm.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:35Mmm.
00:41:36Mmm.
00:41:37Mmm.
00:41:38When I first met him in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:44Mmm.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle.
00:41:50move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:54Mm.
00:42:19Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleyup returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:41I'm fed up!
00:42:45Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No?
00:42:55They just mark it.
00:42:57Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:01Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:09Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:15This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't me mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy. Bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy.
00:43:31The boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilizes with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:24Good night, love.
00:45:25We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:26And how.
00:45:27You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:28Anyway.
00:45:29We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:30And how.
00:45:31You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:32Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:34Do you good going without for a change.
00:45:36Stephen?
00:45:37Still, there's always another day.
00:45:38tomorrow.
00:45:39tomorrow.
00:45:40No.
00:45:41tomorrow's another day.
00:45:42tomorrow's another day.
00:45:43tomorrow's another day.
00:45:44Shhh.
00:45:45Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:45:46Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:45:47You can't win them all.
00:45:48You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:49Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:50Still, there's always another day.
00:45:51Tomorrow.
00:45:52Tomorrow?
00:45:53No.
00:45:54Tomorrow's another day.
00:45:55Shhh.
00:45:56Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:45:57Where?
00:45:58I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:03Oh, wow.
00:46:05How?
00:46:06You can't win them all, can you?
00:46:08Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:11Still, there's always another day.
00:46:14Tomorrow?
00:46:15Tomorrow?
00:46:16Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:18years. What wrens? The Royal Navy's wrens. This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with
00:46:28about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors. Hope I like it. Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we? Well, obviously. We're as good as dead in
00:46:46a way, really. Almost. Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love. Try a barrel.
00:47:16Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday. Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum. I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01Yeah.
00:48:18I mean, gosh, if we, too, is, to the land I thought, oh, God, I think.
00:48:23The End
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:39Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:42Finally splitting up.
00:49:43He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:46It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:47Finally splitting up.
00:49:48He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:49Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:50Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:49:51The entire Navy had gone soon.
00:49:52It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:53It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:54Finally splitting up.
00:49:55He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:59Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:00The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:01I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:02I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:03She might have changed, of course.
00:50:04It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:07It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:09I'm trying to think that he had a complicated time.
00:50:12I'd really not wish to have a good plan.
00:50:14Nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:50:15There's nothing.
00:50:16It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:17Finally splitting up.
00:50:18He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:20Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:22Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:23The entire Navy had gone on strike.
00:50:24I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:25I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put them on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably.
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks out for sleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:21I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42What's a beautiful bag, baby?
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:56Hmm?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:12She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:42Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:05No.
00:54:06Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26What's her?
00:54:28I'm really dirty.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties, Phil.
00:54:59OK?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:13Honestly, I'm right, I'll turn it over.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:52Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:14Did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23It's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:35I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:36I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55Do you know what you want, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:39Oh, sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wiseberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:47Oh, Bernal.
01:03:09Oh, Bernal.
01:03:16Geoffrey.
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Bernal.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:39Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Bernal.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21If you are a little girl, I've been surprised.
01:04:24Little girl, won't be a little girl.
01:04:27Come to the school jumble in the store.
01:04:29And the store has the same old house.
01:04:33And the store has a hard drive for a while.
01:04:36But this time will go away.
01:04:38I'm going to get to the store and get to the store.
01:04:40I'm going to get to the store now.
01:04:41It's gonna go get to the store now.
01:04:42And then it will.
01:04:43Jumanns, David, continue in the store.
01:04:44I'm going to sit down for a while.
01:04:45And so, I'm going to put my home.
01:04:46I'm going to go get to the store now.
01:04:47You've got to go get to the store or walk.
01:04:48A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09What?
01:06:10I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:31So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I love you.
01:06:39In the co-op.
01:06:40Be so far.
01:06:41Let's get out now.
01:06:42I'll get out now.
01:06:48Go to all?
01:06:49Roy, Roy.
01:06:50Go to all!
01:06:51Go to all!
01:06:53Go to all!
01:06:54Go to all!
01:06:56No!
01:06:57Go to all.
01:07:00Oh, dear.
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03mind it's only a game i thought you said you nearly loved me
01:07:17i don't recall grace kelly enticing prince rainier by going to watch united i may be wrong
01:07:22grace who we live in a permissive society beryl read any color supplement mother you're supposed
01:07:29to be my mother i am love and it wasn't through going to football matches you are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down every time i stand up even if he's only on the phone yes so well uh
01:07:40boys are very safe and i am your mother that's what i said i don't mean uh permissive permissive
01:07:50see romantic pardon kissing cuddling things of that nature
01:08:02oh we do do what what you just said good not too much i hope oh god boys are very funny
01:08:11they're novices compared to mothers
01:08:13did i tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:23oh
01:08:27two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:32fantastic
01:08:32the cowgills mr and mrs cowgill married couple newlyweds not long married you go bald doing that doing what
01:09:02well i'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:09living in sin
01:09:13can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:21if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say
01:09:26what's it matter so long as they're happily married i don't think so
01:09:29it's a barrel would
01:09:35giving you a bad time is she
01:09:38oh no i wouldn't say that
01:09:43i haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically i never said you were
01:09:54you think it
01:10:09all right jeffrey i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage
01:10:16never
01:10:19well until i am if i ever do which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:31no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:50what are you staring at
01:10:55hello you all right son terrific
01:10:57why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's theory is you're overworking
01:11:04hmm my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:08oh what's your theory indigestion oh
01:11:14what's yours sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if god had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:27the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise we still have deadlock
01:11:35her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma another wild
01:11:40night learning what i know spells and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:44and what no spells and what no spells great i might as well go bald and open my own monastery
01:11:52and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now good night
01:12:01here good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:08we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun
01:12:14be happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:21the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:27you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:33that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:49look beryl how's this for a peace plan
01:12:52you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in denmark then we'll both be
01:12:58happy right right good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:05oh hell
01:13:06pounds up again see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you're going
01:13:17jeffrey i'll get the sack it's important
01:13:21what is i keep asking you what is
01:13:28what is to be on our own
01:13:31moon what says we can talk what
01:13:43that old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:48the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think last night i dreamt i was in goal for
01:13:53manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me grace who she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:09the main thing is we do communicate oh we do
01:14:23the main thing is we do communicate
01:14:24see what face do i want you see what i think
01:14:26go on no you mine wasn't important
01:14:30her mom wasn't
01:14:41beryl
01:14:45are you
01:14:48happy of course
01:14:51very
01:14:54i am no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:15:01no
01:15:03i'm not
01:15:08do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:17probably not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words mostly in words to that effect
01:15:38is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:39no i don't think so honestly no nothing if there is there isn't you just tell me and i'll stop doing it there isn't anything
01:15:49i don't want to be honest
01:15:50i don't want to upset me it would just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:15:58like you know crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:10well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks beryl if i did i'd stop to please you
01:16:15i don't want to be sensitive jeffrey in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:30post
01:16:35your mother
01:16:35i like your mother please don't shake jeffrey and the lampshades filking isn't the most endearing
01:16:39quality in a person. Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random? You've got 24 hours to spare. After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday. Over 98% of the male
01:16:56population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl
01:17:00Battersby. Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start. You're not all that fat, Beryl. I am.
01:17:06Start slimming. Men like something to get hold of. If they're allowed to get hold of it. You always
01:17:11succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always. No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I
01:17:16always fail. Do you know what some girls find extremely likable? The extremely likable way some
01:17:21boys stare at every girl they see. Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells, especially for
01:17:27the 600th time. That they really dig. You never say dig. I did then. Your passionate, unrequited love
01:17:35for 11 boring men kicking a ball about. That's really lovable. I never knew you thought
01:17:41that. Neither did I. I do now, though.
01:17:54Used to say dig before I met you. Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30I think so. We just don't like each other. At all.
01:18:37Oh, goodbye, then. Good luck. Peace, man.
01:18:42St. Anne's Square. St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits. And what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring. Teething ring? Wedding ring? Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days. No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about? Skip it.
01:19:38About time, too, with her sympathy. Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy
01:19:45in me life. But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking. Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know. I won't tell you where.
01:20:14There.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from. Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:13And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now, bar the salmon salad.
01:22:01It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:13Nick, somewhere to China, then?
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, meself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:20I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:28And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bet.
01:23:50And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:06I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:10Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other some time.
01:24:40Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:07She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:37There is no football match.
01:25:40Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:46Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:43Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:14Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50CHEERS
01:28:06ģ³¤ē!
01:28:08Patrick!
01:28:10Patrick!
01:28:14Patrick!
01:28:20And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Comments