- 6 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:05:00Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:05:01Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:05:02First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:28Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:05:32Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then? Tonight. Tomorrow night. Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat. Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad. Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing. The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception. It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:52No, no, no.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really. I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:34Terrific self-control.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:59Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:56Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:49Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:50What?
00:09:51Got it.
00:09:52Got what?
00:09:53You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:09:56I say I do.
00:09:57You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:09:59How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:00No, I don't.
00:10:01Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:02Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:05It does not.
00:10:06Thought it did.
00:10:07Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:08I can see her doing your ironing and cooking.
00:10:09I can see her doing your ironing and cooking.
00:10:10I can see her doing your ironing and cooking.
00:10:11I don't know if I ever want to see you again.
00:10:12If I ever want to see you again, I say I do.
00:10:13You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:27I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:50Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:15.
00:11:17.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, ma'am.
00:11:34Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I said, in for a change.
00:11:41Played him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Played him for a change instead.
00:12:11Ticket? I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:25Mary!
00:12:27Mary!
00:12:29Mary!
00:12:31Mary!
00:12:33Mary!
00:12:35Mary!
00:12:37Mary!
00:12:39Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well...
00:13:42No.
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:48I am.
00:13:49Which?
00:13:50Which are you?
00:13:51Any.
00:13:52I am.
00:13:53See you then.
00:13:54Tonight?
00:13:55Pardon?
00:13:56Oh, I...
00:13:57All right then.
00:13:58Right.
00:13:59Super socks.
00:14:00Did you see that?
00:14:01They're all on drugs.
00:14:02A lot of them.
00:14:03How are you?
00:14:04Why are you doing this?
00:14:17A lot of them.
00:14:18Oh, I'm out of nowhere.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:45The score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:51Excuse me, I...
00:15:18I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, uh...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know?
00:15:52You know?
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:54What do you, uh, what do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah, sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, it is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31No.
00:18:49I won't come in.
00:18:53Would it be our first date? No.
00:18:56Oh. Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five,
00:20:14which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours,
00:20:16and half of four,
00:20:17which is two,
00:20:18and half of two,
00:20:19which is one.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25No.
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:59Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:56Not Beryl Bird.
00:21:57I told him.
00:21:58Did she, er...
00:21:59Does she, er...
00:22:00What?
00:22:01Wow!
00:22:02She doesn't, then.
00:22:03You don't listen, do you?
00:22:04I said...
00:22:05How about Sandra?
00:22:05Chips.
00:22:06Jams.
00:22:07Sod.
00:22:08Not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:09Not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:10Who?
00:22:11Who?
00:22:12Who?
00:22:13Who?
00:22:14Who?
00:22:15Who?
00:22:16I've rather better things to do than...
00:22:17I've rather better things to do than...
00:22:18You don't listen, do you?
00:22:19You don't listen, do you?
00:22:20I said...
00:22:21How about Sandra?
00:22:23I don't listen, do you?
00:22:26Let's go.
00:22:26How about Sandra?
00:22:29How about Sandra?
00:22:29You don't listen to Sandra?
00:22:30Some other people of Anna...
00:22:31I've rather better things to do than...
00:22:32Like you?
00:22:37Who?
00:22:38Who?
00:22:44I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:54Said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some Nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:12Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:20And that ends our pro...
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:23:38Good morning.
00:23:39Good morning.
00:23:40Good morning.
00:23:41Good morning.
00:23:42Good morning.
00:23:43Good morning.
00:23:44Good morning.
00:23:45Good morning.
00:23:46Good morning.
00:23:47Good morning.
00:23:48Good morning.
00:23:49Good morning.
00:23:50Good morning.
00:23:51Good morning.
00:23:53Oh, my God.
00:24:00Morning. Morning.
00:24:10Cholton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20It's special. Bloody travelers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52No.
00:24:53No.
00:24:54No.
00:24:55No.
00:24:56No.
00:24:57No.
00:24:58No.
00:24:59No.
00:25:00No.
00:25:01No.
00:25:02No.
00:25:03No.
00:25:04No.
00:25:05No.
00:25:06No.
00:25:07No.
00:25:08No.
00:25:09No.
00:25:10No.
00:25:11No.
00:25:12No.
00:25:13No.
00:25:14No.
00:25:15No.
00:25:16No.
00:25:17No.
00:25:18No.
00:25:19No.
00:25:20No.
00:25:21No.
00:25:22No.
00:25:23No.
00:25:24No.
00:25:25No.
00:25:26No.
00:25:27No.
00:25:28No.
00:25:29No.
00:25:30No.
00:25:31No.
00:25:32No.
00:25:33No.
00:25:34No.
00:25:35No.
00:25:36No.
00:25:37No.
00:25:38No.
00:25:39No.
00:25:40No.
00:25:41No.
00:25:42No.
00:25:43No.
00:25:44No.
00:25:45No.
00:25:46No.
00:25:47No.
00:25:48No.
00:25:49No.
00:25:50No.
00:25:51No.
00:25:52No.
00:25:53No.
00:25:54No.
00:25:55No.
00:25:56No.
00:25:57No.
00:25:58No.
00:25:59No.
00:26:00No.
00:26:01No.
00:26:02No.
00:26:03No.
00:26:04No.
00:26:05No.
00:26:06No.
00:26:07No.
00:26:08No.
00:26:09No.
00:26:10No.
00:26:11No.
00:26:12No.
00:26:13No.
00:26:14No.
00:26:15No.
00:26:16Bank clerks. Your lot. Football supporters. Hippies. Oh. My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then. Fate. All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:46So what? Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock? Is that Geoffrey? Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes. Yes. Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:16It's terrifically exciting isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:34That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:51Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:07Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:34Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:42Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:51His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:20See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:36Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:52Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07Or Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better.
00:30:36It's better. I'm okay.
00:30:37I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:39It's not.
00:30:41It's only the angels crying.
00:30:43I know how they feel.
00:30:45Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:30:47That's true.
00:30:49That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:30:51I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:30:53Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:30:55It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:30:57You'd better apologise again.
00:30:59I apologise again.
00:31:01I apologise again.
00:31:02Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:03I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:06Pardon?
00:31:08Pardon?
00:31:10Pardon?
00:31:11Pardon?
00:31:13Is that who I think you are?
00:31:14I think you are.
00:31:15I don't know.
00:31:17I don't know.
00:31:19I don't know.
00:31:21I don't know.
00:31:23I don't know if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:00I don't know.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:04What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:07What's happening in the world?
00:32:08I blame the politicians.
00:32:10What for?
00:32:11For what's happening.
00:32:13In the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:55Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:56Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:57Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:32:58Geoffrey definitely has.
00:32:59Probably even more.
00:33:01Air hostesses.
00:33:02All sorts.
00:33:04Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:05I haven't had one yet.
00:33:07White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:08Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:09Hmm.
00:33:10Wow, is that the time?
00:33:11At this moment in time.
00:33:12What have I done?
00:33:13Is Neville the inspector?
00:33:14Is Neville the inspector?
00:33:15No.
00:33:16No.
00:33:17No.
00:33:18No.
00:33:19No.
00:33:20No.
00:33:21No.
00:33:22No.
00:33:23No.
00:33:24No.
00:33:25No.
00:33:26No.
00:33:27No.
00:33:28No.
00:33:29No.
00:33:30No.
00:33:31No.
00:33:32No.
00:33:33No.
00:33:34No.
00:33:35No.
00:33:36No.
00:33:37No.
00:33:38I don't.
00:33:39Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:42Why's Geoffrey?
00:33:43Wow.
00:33:44You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:48Course not.
00:33:49Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:56Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:33:59Who needs drama?
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her. No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you? Walloped you on?
00:34:17No. I said nearly.
00:34:22You never thump me, will you? Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:33Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:39All right. Let's talk.
00:34:45Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:52May as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:00Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:13Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP. I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:20Groovy.
00:35:21I won't wave from the window.
00:35:24No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:26Good.
00:35:27It's been a gasp.
00:35:28You've said that once.
00:35:29You're well-bred barrel. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:42About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:46Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me. You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:01Ow!
00:36:02Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:05Are we going to put it up?
00:36:07No.
00:36:08I'm going to pack it in.
00:36:09Don't say that.
00:36:10Please don't say that.
00:36:11That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:18Mine.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:23Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:34Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:38Congratulations.
00:36:39I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:43Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:37:03I'm okay.
00:37:04I'm okay.
00:37:05I'm okay.
00:37:06I'm okay.
00:37:07I'm okay.
00:37:08I'm okay.
00:37:10I'm okay.
00:37:19I'm okay.
00:37:24I got his back right now.
00:37:26Hi!
00:37:27I'm okay.
00:37:28Put myself in my bag.
00:37:29I'm okay.
00:37:30John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52Good.
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's through a night of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:34What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I'm Europa Up.
00:41:08Yes.
00:41:11I've got a love.
00:41:11I've got a love.
00:41:11What's your name again?
00:41:21What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No, Stephen.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:01Don't move a muscle, but I don't know what you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:19Testing. Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:31I'm fed up.
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No.
00:42:55They just market.
00:42:57Anyone can market.
00:42:58They've got the answers.
00:43:01Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your uncle, Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I don't.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilizes with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:29No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0250.
00:45:13Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Come on.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh. Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:28and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:35Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:41Well, obviously.
00:46:42We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:45Almost.
00:46:46Just keep telling yourself if it will have.
00:46:49Only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:53Try a barrel.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:46:55Come on, please.
00:46:56Let's get the barrel up, please.
00:46:57Please, let's go.
00:47:01Good morning.
00:47:05Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:09morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on a flaming roof I'm sorry mom I'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what dad you understand I don't Jeffrey we always say you do Jeffrey you're at it every
00:47:53night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different I knew you'd understand
00:48:06so
00:48:13I'm
00:48:15MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:45What a night. Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:57Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well. You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:28I shan't.
00:49:30It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:13Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:52No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:03And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10Er, I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:12Did you?
00:51:13Did I say more?
00:51:14Pardon?
00:51:15And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:16Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:18It isn't like you.
00:51:19Say that again, Beryl, baby.
00:51:20What's your name, handsome?
00:51:21You laugh.
00:51:22Everybody laughs.
00:51:23It's the story of my life.
00:51:24You tell it like it is.
00:51:25I'm sorry.
00:51:26I'm sorry.
00:51:27I'm sorry.
00:51:28I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:51:29I'm sorry.
00:51:30I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:51:31I'm sorry.
00:51:32I'm sorry.
00:51:33I'm sorry.
00:51:34I'm sorry.
00:51:35I'm sorry.
00:51:36I'm sorry.
00:51:37I'm sorry.
00:51:38I'm sorry.
00:51:39I'm sorry.
00:51:40I'm sorry.
00:51:41I'm sorry.
00:51:42You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:54I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:05Probably.
00:52:07Jeffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:15It is.
00:52:17Working in a bank.
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:27I had this bad scene.
00:52:29This chick.
00:52:30We decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man.
00:52:35Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:37Look.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:45Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:54I'm sorry.
00:52:55I know.
00:52:56I understand English.
00:52:57Gesundheit.
00:52:58I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:11She has.
00:53:12Then which is her husband?
00:53:13Neither.
00:53:14It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:15Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:16Great to dance to.
00:53:17Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:18No.
00:53:19No.
00:53:20No.
00:53:21No.
00:53:22No.
00:53:23No.
00:53:24No.
00:53:25No.
00:53:26No.
00:53:27No.
00:53:28No.
00:53:29No.
00:53:30No.
00:53:31No.
00:53:32No.
00:53:33No.
00:53:34No.
00:53:35No.
00:53:36No.
00:53:37No.
00:53:38No.
00:53:39No.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm, a banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect It is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm, no.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:37What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinole.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty'sville, okay?
00:55:07Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17Marriage certificate, dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:25Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:31Oh, grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinist, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46Just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is a...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:06What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville.
00:57:24Neville.
00:57:25Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40Ah, it's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51Perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:56Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking me teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:53Do you know...
00:58:55Come on, Beryl.
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:39Geoffrey?
00:59:39Sorry.
00:59:45Geoffrey?
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:50Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18I am.
01:02:48Oh, Bernal, Bernal.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Bernal.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21I've got a small world.
01:04:22It's a small world.
01:04:23I know.
01:04:24Oh.
01:04:25I know.
01:04:26I know, Jim.
01:04:27I know.
01:04:28I know, Jim.
01:04:29I know, Jim.
01:04:30This is a young man who's gone, but I'll never want one now.
01:04:32I'll never want to see you again.
01:04:33I'll never want to see you again.
01:04:34You'll never want to see you again.
01:04:35I know.
01:04:36I know!
01:04:37How about the days?
01:04:38I'll never want to see you again.
01:04:39I know, Jim.
01:04:40Good evening, Mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10Well, you'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam? Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me? A football match? With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:51Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:40Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:30The Cowgills.
01:08:31Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:32Married couple.
01:08:33Newlyweds.
01:08:34Not long married.
01:08:35You go bald doing that.
01:08:36Doing what?
01:08:37Doing what?
01:08:38I'll tell you.
01:08:3928 stockbrokers have moved into the office.
01:08:40I don't know.
01:08:41I don't know.
01:08:42I don't know.
01:08:43I don't know.
01:08:44I don't know.
01:08:45I don't know.
01:08:46Newlyweds.
01:08:47Newlyweds.
01:08:48Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52John.
01:08:53I don't know.
01:08:54Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Given you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined my life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:43What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:52You all right, son?
01:10:53Terrific.
01:10:53Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:13What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:15Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:25The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so, society, that's you and me, says end this dispute, end it now, good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:04Especially when he said good night.
01:12:06We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:09Having a good time.
01:12:11Just having fun.
01:12:12Being happy.
01:12:14Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again,
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:22You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:27Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:34Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:35Look, Beryl.
01:12:36How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:37You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:41Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:42Right?
01:12:43Right.
01:12:44Good Jesus Christ, Superstar.
01:12:45Amen.
01:12:46Oh, hell.
01:12:47Hands up again.
01:12:48See you tomorrow.
01:12:49Where do you think you're going?
01:12:53Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:12:54It's important.
01:12:55What is?
01:12:56What is?
01:12:57I keep asking you, what is?
01:12:58What is?
01:12:59I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:01I'll get the sack.
01:13:02I'll get the sack.
01:13:03It's important.
01:13:04What?
01:13:05What?
01:13:06I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:09What is?
01:13:10To be on our own.
01:13:12What?
01:13:13What?
01:13:14What?
01:13:15What?
01:13:16What?
01:13:17Oh, hell.
01:13:18Oh, hell.
01:13:19Time's up again.
01:13:20See you tomorrow.
01:13:21Where do you think you're going?
01:13:23Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:24It's important.
01:13:25What is?
01:13:27I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:29What is?
01:13:32To be on our own.
01:13:33It says we can talk.
01:13:35What?
01:13:41I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:46The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:52and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:55Grace who?
01:13:56She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:03The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:23See, what face do I want you...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:26No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:28No, mine wasn't.
01:14:33Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:57No.
01:15:02I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:48You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:12If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:47After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:22Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:25Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:28You never say dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:30I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about. That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:44I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:04There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:06Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:16I think so.
01:18:17We just don't like each other.
01:18:19At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:00St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:26Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:52Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:58Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:02Ace.
01:20:03She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:04I won't tell you where.
01:20:05A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:06Wow!
01:20:08Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:09I know, spells no.
01:20:10Super day for it.
01:20:11Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:12Well, Sandra.
01:20:13This is it.
01:20:14I'm here.
01:20:15I'm here.
01:20:16I'm here.
01:20:17I'm here.
01:20:18I'm here.
01:20:19The big day.
01:20:20Yep.
01:20:21Coming to the crutch.
01:20:22Crunch.
01:20:23I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:24Wow!
01:20:25Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:27Super day for it.
01:20:28Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:30Well, Sandra.
01:20:31This is it.
01:20:32Yep.
01:20:33The big day.
01:20:34Yep.
01:20:35Coming to the crutch.
01:20:36Crunch.
01:20:37I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:40You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:46And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:48Because I shan't.
01:20:49Truly.
01:20:50Sandra, please.
01:20:51You've been crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:00Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:20Eh, fine.
01:21:21This is fine enough.
01:21:22Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:42Bride parents.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:47How have you been?
01:21:49Absolutely great.
01:21:50You?
01:21:51Never better.
01:21:52Ever.
01:21:57It's all over now.
01:21:58Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:01It's tuna fish.
01:22:03It's life.
01:22:04See, President.
01:22:05Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:06That was before we ever met.
01:22:07I know.
01:22:08Why?
01:22:09Has something happened about it?
01:22:10No.
01:22:11Oh?
01:22:12Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:13Hmm.
01:22:14Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:17to the moon.
01:22:18Nixon.
01:22:19Nixon.
01:22:20Why is he going?
01:22:21No.
01:22:22The astronauts.
01:22:23Oh.
01:22:24It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:26We never really talked, did we?
01:22:27About things that they're doing.
01:22:28Why?
01:22:29Why?
01:22:30Why?
01:22:31Why?
01:22:32Why?
01:22:33Why?
01:22:34Why?
01:22:35Why?
01:22:36Why?
01:22:37Why?
01:22:38Why?
01:22:39Why?
01:22:40Why?
01:22:41Why?
01:22:42Why?
01:22:43Why?
01:22:44Why?
01:22:45Why?
01:22:46Why?
01:22:47Why?
01:22:48Why?
01:22:49Why?
01:22:50It's even more, I guess, that doesn't matter.
01:22:52Good, isn't it?
01:22:53Shows we're friends.
01:22:54Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:01Mu'thir has convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:06I'm right off it myself.
01:23:07I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:11Aw, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not, it's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:31And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bet.
01:23:50And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:58We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:09Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15There we go.
01:24:16Now come over.
01:24:17Here we are, Doug.
01:24:18Here we go.
01:24:19Come over.
01:24:20Go over.
01:24:21Oh, we'll see you again again again.
01:24:22This will be interesting.
01:24:23Come over.
01:24:24Come over.
01:24:25Come over, Doug.
01:24:26Good.
01:24:27Come over, Doug.
01:24:28Come over, Doug.
01:24:30I encourage you again to see you again.
01:24:31Ah, Doug.
01:24:32Thank you, we're all going for a bit of trouble.
01:24:34Hello?
01:24:35Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me?
01:25:00Good afternoon Geoffrey. Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:30Hi. When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:03Could always go inside and practice booing for next season. Where will you?
01:26:10Might go and get a new pair of tights. Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball. Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal. Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:27:12Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else. Anyone really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from. All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone Geoffrey. You will Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:43When the crying's done
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:52Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's done
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:17Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Are followed by the sun
01:29:27Love and rainy weather
01:29:29Are followed by the sun
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:32You
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