- 7 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:27God is luck.
00:01:28Jesus!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58He's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on. We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:35Who are being stared at?
00:02:37Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Neither do I.
00:02:45Which is mine.
00:02:46Any?
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:57About as much as Mountsytongue's grandad.
00:03:01With all due respect.
00:03:03To his grandad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:08I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:10There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:12Ignore them.
00:03:13Hi.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:16Hi.
00:03:21Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:28Hi.
00:03:29Peace, ma'am.
00:03:30Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:30Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Surely I can't get you down
00:05:28Now going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right?
00:05:54Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hustle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:21Yes, please
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:11I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22Ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night
00:08:14Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41I'm sorry
00:08:41Ah
00:08:46Oh, Sandra
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44Overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24Does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:10:57Miss Bardot
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14Martin!
00:11:15Martin!
00:11:17Martin!
00:11:19Martin!
00:11:21Martin!
00:11:23Martin!
00:11:24Martin!
00:11:25Martin!
00:11:26Martin!
00:11:27Martin!
00:11:28Martin!
00:11:29Martin!
00:11:30About time and all
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Aye
00:11:33Peace man
00:11:34Martin!
00:11:35Martin!
00:11:36Did you have a good time this night?
00:11:38Great
00:11:39Is it you?
00:11:40Satisfied
00:11:41I say it in for a change
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:46Did you?
00:11:48Martin!
00:11:49Martin!
00:11:50Martin!
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done
00:11:56Let him for a change instead
00:11:58Let him for a change instead
00:12:17Ticket! I ain't got me ticket!
00:12:19We're late already
00:12:23See you behind the goal then
00:12:26Martin!
00:12:27Martin!
00:12:28Martin!
00:12:29Martin!
00:12:30Martin!
00:12:31Martin!
00:12:32Martin!
00:12:33Martin!
00:12:34Martin!
00:12:35Martin!
00:12:36Martin!
00:12:37Martin!
00:12:38Martin!
00:12:39Martin!
00:12:40Martin!
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43snooty old bag
00:12:49Trendy
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still, who else'd have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Well, no. I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any?
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28but they live on drugs on drugs.
00:14:30They have to go bad things.
00:14:47No.
00:14:49What?
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:20I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:37Anywhere controversial? Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:45Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:49Oh.
00:15:51Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:08...fair sort of bird?
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:01Probably.
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:09Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, it is...
00:17:51a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:21Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:22Ken Russell?
00:18:23Yeah.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25This is it.
00:18:27I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:28No.
00:18:29Oh.
00:18:30OK.
00:18:31OK.
00:18:32OK.
00:18:33OK.
00:18:34OK.
00:18:35OK.
00:18:36OK.
00:18:37OK.
00:18:38OK.
00:18:39OK.
00:18:40OK.
00:18:41OK.
00:18:42OK.
00:18:43OK.
00:18:44OK.
00:18:45OK.
00:18:46OK.
00:18:47OK.
00:18:48OK.
00:18:49OK.
00:18:50OK.
00:18:51OK.
00:18:52OK.
00:18:53OK.
00:18:54OK.
00:18:55OK.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26It's funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:53God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:55Oh, well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mom, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:48No one's special.
00:21:50No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums. Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no one special.
00:22:48Have they got a phone here?
00:22:50Why?
00:22:51They haven't, have they?
00:22:53They haven't, have they?
00:22:54Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:22:55If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:22:58Look, are you fed up here?
00:22:59Are you fed up here?
00:23:00Are you?
00:23:01No.
00:23:02We'll split after this game.
00:23:03Anything you say.
00:23:04We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:05Great.
00:23:07And that ends our pro...
00:23:08Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:09Hallelujah.
00:23:10Pardon?
00:23:11Pardon?
00:23:12I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:15Good night.
00:23:16Good night.
00:23:23And that ends our pro...
00:23:24Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:46Morning.
00:23:47Good morning.
00:23:48Good morning.
00:23:49Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:17Pounds up again.
00:24:19Oh, God.
00:24:21Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:25Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:27Sof does.
00:24:29Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:43Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:25:13My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:21Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:23That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:27Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:33I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:37One day it was enough.
00:25:39Why?
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:47Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:03Five, which is... which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:15Bank clocks.
00:26:17Your lot?
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh, my lot.
00:26:25I see.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:39That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:47Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:07Getting to know a person.
00:27:08Fantastic.
00:27:09I want to know all about you.
00:27:10That's what it's all about.
00:27:12For example with things in common all right?
00:27:15I want to know all about you.
00:27:17That's perfect.
00:27:19Oh, well, I'll give him a one of the best friends in the world.
00:27:22Yeah.
00:27:23Oh, maybe.
00:27:24Is it still going on?
00:27:25It's all going on.
00:27:26Oh.
00:27:27Oh.
00:27:28I've been a good one.
00:27:29Any of the best friends?
00:27:30No, I've been a good one.
00:27:31What are you doing?
00:27:32Yeah.
00:27:33Oh, there's one of the best friends from them.
00:27:34That's it.
00:27:35I've been a good one of those friends.
00:27:36Oh, I've just met the best friends in the world.
00:27:37For example, we're things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:42Like what?
00:27:45We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:50Right.
00:27:51And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:56Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:00No.
00:28:01Have you?
00:28:02No.
00:28:03Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:18Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:22I do.
00:28:24What now?
00:28:27No.
00:28:29Just, just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:35Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:40In getting to know others.
00:28:42Hmm.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was live and easy-limbed.
00:28:51His stride quietly casual.
00:28:53His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:56And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:02You know, Geoffrey?
00:29:03You have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:05Really?
00:29:06You know, lopsided.
00:29:07I don't think I have.
00:29:08It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:09See?
00:29:10Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:12He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:13It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:15It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:16Men can do anything.
00:29:17Men can do anything.
00:29:18Conquer Everest.
00:29:19Do heart transplants.
00:29:20Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:21Anything.
00:29:22Anything.
00:29:23Geoffrey?
00:29:24I can't do anything.
00:29:25Geoffrey.
00:29:26Why?
00:29:27I can't do anything.
00:29:28What?
00:29:29What?
00:29:30Geoffrey.
00:29:31What?
00:29:32What?
00:29:33What?
00:29:34Well, Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:36He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:37He must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:39It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:40Men can do anything.
00:29:41Conquer Everest.
00:29:42Do heart transplants.
00:29:43Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything.
00:29:45Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Geoffrey Bobblesbomble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl.
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm okay.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:53I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:26Pardon?
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:35Sardine sandwich.
00:31:36Is it all sardine?
00:31:36Yeah.
00:31:37She's got her own trawler.
00:31:38Isn't it awful?
00:31:39What?
00:31:40I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:42What's happening in the world.
00:31:43I blame the politicians.
00:31:48What for?
00:31:58For what's happening in the world?
00:32:01I blame the politicians.
00:32:01What for?
00:32:02What fool isn't, darling?
00:32:05Have you lost his boosting body tätä?
00:32:08She gets something toask!
00:32:10What for? For what's happening? In the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:20I can't speak Portuguese. Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road. He does something with the bleach.
00:32:37Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:23Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:44Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Course not. Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:02Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:22You never thump me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right. Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP. I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:24No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:26Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:39You're well rid, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47There's plenty of fish in the sea.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to put it up?
00:36:07No.
00:36:08I'm going to pack it in.
00:36:09Don't say that.
00:36:10Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:38Congratulations.
00:36:39I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:43Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:37:02We'll do it.
00:37:03We'll take aон.
00:37:05Bye.
00:37:06Bye.
00:37:08Bye.
00:37:10Bye.
00:37:12Bye.
00:37:15Bye.
00:37:18Bye.
00:37:20Bye.
00:37:22Bye.
00:37:26Bye.
00:37:32John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09You've seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, Uncle Ross.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49He used to be crazy about him.
00:41:06What about the boy with theodress?
00:41:06what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:36when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:06testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished
00:42:24yourself
00:42:39I'm fed up who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some
00:43:51blood cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he
00:43:57has as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the
00:44:08female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at
00:44:23certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people what is well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica yes who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:44good night love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:52you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow tomorrow's another day
00:46:07not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:10where I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:14what wrens?
00:46:15the Royal Navy's wrens
00:46:18this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors hope I like it
00:46:33well thanks thanks for nearly everything
00:46:40we definitely would have done wouldn't we?
00:46:43well obviously
00:46:44well we we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:48just keep telling yourself and we will have only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:55try a barrel
00:46:57good night
00:47:18morning previous generation
00:47:20what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on the flaming roof I'm sorry mum I'll take you out another night something cropped
00:47:41up like what dad you understand I don't Jeffrey we always say you do Jeffrey you're at it every
00:47:53night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different I knew you'd understand
00:48:11I'll talk about on me around what's going on pounds down again open down like a pair of knickers you
00:48:39should know or me not me what a night a lot including action replays in slow motion hey lads I picked up a
00:48:58bit of spare last night who didn't it's true yes Jeffrey it is yes Jeffrey
00:49:09bloody yes
00:49:13poor Jeffrey Beryl please it's Neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel he'll see other girls I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up
00:50:06he only had one ambition in life send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire Navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course if she has I might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no no me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then United we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you
00:51:17did I say more
00:51:18how's Beryl baby getting on then Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome
00:51:35you'll laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care
00:51:54I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15it is
00:52:17working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut off man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:41lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53sorry I no understand English
00:53:01gesundheit
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it
00:53:24great beat isn't it
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41pardon
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:46erm
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager
00:54:23marks and spaces
00:54:24what's that
00:54:26I'm Evie Durchick
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV
00:54:35this
00:54:37what's on BBC
00:54:39Casinova
00:54:43what's that like
00:54:46this
00:54:47oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay
00:55:00women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass
00:55:33Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourse to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love right
00:56:01wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26I said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see what we believe
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02what you're doing
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it
00:57:30pathetic
00:57:33well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet Roland
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:37I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what Beryl she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:30she said
00:59:31jeffrey
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:08call dr. wiseberg
01:00:15quillmslow road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana
01:00:22you know
01:00:23what was it then
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17and I
01:02:25I
01:02:27I
01:02:29I
01:02:31I
01:02:37I
01:02:45A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21It's a small world.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:15I have a right to be here.
01:05:16I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:17Try the co-op.
01:05:18Beryl, listen.
01:05:19If you can smell burning.
01:05:20It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:21Beryl, listen.
01:05:22Can I help you, madam?
01:05:23Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:24No, madam.
01:05:25I'll leave it then.
01:05:26Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:28Don't matter.
01:05:29What doesn't?
01:05:30You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:31Wouldn't what?
01:05:32Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:34Me?
01:05:35A football match?
01:05:36With 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:37Told you.
01:05:38Who are they playing?
01:05:39Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't? You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me? A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:02Huddersfield Town? In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...the fourth from the bottom?
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:07:02Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, so, well, er, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:03What you just said.
01:08:05Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:09Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:17Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22No.
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:53I'll tell you that 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:32A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:41What word?
01:09:43Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54I don't think it!
01:10:09All right Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey. You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37Sorry?
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life. Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:56You all right son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:59Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then? Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:10What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:13Oh.
01:11:15What's yours Sundance?
01:11:18Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks. All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:45What NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:06Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:11Having a good time.
01:12:13Just having fun.
01:12:14Feeling happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:23Come on.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:13:00Right?
01:13:01Right.
01:13:02Good Jesus Christ, Superstar. Amen.
01:13:04Oh, hell.
01:13:06Time's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:31What?
01:13:34Says we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:15What?
01:14:16See what I think?
01:14:17See what I think?
01:14:18See what I think?
01:14:19Go on.
01:14:20No, you.
01:14:21Mine wasn't important.
01:14:22No, mine wasn't.
01:14:23Mine wasn't.
01:14:24Beryl?
01:14:25Are you...
01:14:26Happy?
01:14:27Of course.
01:14:28Very.
01:14:29Very.
01:14:30I am.
01:14:31No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:32No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:33No.
01:14:34No.
01:14:35I'm not.
01:14:36I'm not.
01:14:37I'm not.
01:14:38You're not.
01:14:39You're not.
01:14:41You're not.
01:14:42No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:49No.
01:14:50very I am no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:15:00no I'm not
01:15:08do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:12probably not actually said the words often well not in so many words mostly in words to that effect
01:15:38is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:39no I don't think so honestly no nothing if there is there isn't you just tell me and
01:15:48I'll stop doing it there isn't anything honest good
01:15:54it wouldn't upset me it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:16:03like you know crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:10well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks bro if I did I'd stop to please you
01:16:15see
01:16:25there's no need to be sensitive jeffrey in a meaningful relationship you must like even what
01:16:30you don't
01:16:33your mother pardon i like your mother please don't sulk jeffrey handle lampshades sulking isn't the
01:16:38most endearing quality in a person well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random you've got 24 hours to spare after all i'm no bridget bardo
01:16:51according to reliable sources in san trapez she's 105 next birthday over 98 of the male population of
01:16:56manchester and salford can tell the difference between bridget bardo and beryl battersby ask any
01:17:01opinion poll i'm much fatter for a start you're not all that fat beryl i am start slimming men like
01:17:07something to get hold of if they're allowed to get hold of it you always succeed in getting back to
01:17:12percy filth in the end don't you always no i don't beryl you do i always fail do you know what
01:17:18some girls find extremely likable the extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what no spells especially for the 600th time that they really
01:17:28dig you never say dig i did then your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball
01:17:37about that's really lovable i never knew you thought that neither did i do now though
01:17:53used to say dig before i met you
01:17:59used to say all sorts of things
01:18:05there's a lot about me i can't even remember
01:18:23thinking what i'm thinking
01:18:33think so we just don't like each other at all
01:18:39oh goodbye then good luck peace man
01:19:00saint anne's square saint anne's square please
01:19:09so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits and what else do i need
01:19:22oh yes a ring teething ring wedding ring of course oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:32no wonder everyone's at it oh sorry what about skip it about time too with a sympathy
01:19:43not that i need any actually i've never been as happy in my life but she doesn't know that
01:19:49if i'm looking miserable sandra it's because i'm feeling happy for you yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking of course we do how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:08ace she used to wear pink you know i won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from wow
01:20:24did you want the chalk jeffrey i know spells no
01:20:30super day for it hmm sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well sandra this is it yep the big day yeah coming to the crutch crunch
01:20:46i dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again
01:20:51you mustn't think i'll be crying inside because i most definitely won't be
01:20:55and what's more no one will know that i am because i shan't truly
01:21:00it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:16and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:19do you mind stepping back sir fine this is fine enough here about there lovely
01:21:25you can kiss the bride on this one sir wow official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:34oh sorry that's right hold it
01:21:43funny i remember the friday lunch time they first met
01:21:48how have you been absolutely great you never better ever
01:21:55that's it hold it like that it's all over now bar the salmon salad
01:22:02it's tuna fish it's life
01:22:12see president nick something to china then that was before we ever met
01:22:16i don't know why something happened about it no oh could i trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:27speaking personally i think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31wherever the astronauts i know what you worry about they're doing to the moon
01:22:38to the moon
01:22:40and there's children as well
01:22:41it's the wives and sweethearts i feel sorry for
01:22:46we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12Aw, I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not, it's marvellous
01:23:17Good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21Thank you, love
01:23:22Still off the food, I noticed
01:23:28And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34Fantastic
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44In bed a bit
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54And marry her three days later
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04Oh, yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital
01:24:09Well, we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16Well, we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16Thank you so much for your time
01:24:20Thank you very much
01:24:21Thank you very much
01:24:23Thank you, Mr. Can I ask for a fair
01:24:25Thank you so much
01:24:25Thank you so much
01:24:27Thank you so much
01:24:27Thank you so much
01:24:28Thank you so much
01:24:29Happy to enjoy my tour
01:24:30Thank you so much
01:24:31Thank you so much
01:24:33This is the only one we are trying to do
01:24:34Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me?
01:25:01Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:31Hi. When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball. Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:27:16Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:21We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Everybody!
01:27:58Go!
01:28:03Go!
01:28:05You're amazing!
01:28:08Go!
01:28:10You're amazing!
01:28:12Go!
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:33You
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