- 4 months ago
Documentary, Inside Our Dyslexic Minds
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00I have a vivid memory of you walking in to my room, and I must have only been six or seven-ish,
00:09with a pile of books in your arms. There must have been about 15 books.
00:13Yeah, I remember that pile of books. Tark of the Otter, Treasure Island.
00:18But it was just this big, intimidating pile, a big reminder of something that I couldn't do,
00:24or I didn't know how to do.
00:26Yeah, and I would read to you at night, up until the last two paragraphs of a cliffhanger,
00:30and I'd leave the page open to see if you were so enraptured in the story you would finish it,
00:35but you'd never finish it.
00:37No, it wasn't going to happen.
00:39It was this huge weight of not wanting to let you down, having given me those books.
00:45And to this day, when everyone hands me a book, it still stresses me out.
00:49And I think a lot of dyslexic people will have experienced that.
00:56Two years ago, I made a series helping autistic people, like me...
01:01To my mum.
01:02...share their inner worlds.
01:04Love you.
01:05I love you.
01:06...with the people they love.
01:08I'm so proud of you.
01:10Now, I want other neurodivergent people to have the same opportunity.
01:14One in seven of us have brains that work differently,
01:20with more people being diagnosed with conditions like autism, dyslexia and ADHD than ever before.
01:27Yet all too often, we find ourselves misunderstood, reduced to stereotypes,
01:33made to feel like we don't fit in.
01:36Neurodivergent people are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, even suicidal thoughts.
01:45So I want to do everything I can to tackle this hidden crisis.
01:50And this time, I'm exploring dyslexia.
01:53My stepdaughter Megan is dyslexic, so this subject is very close to my heart.
02:00Stand by.
02:01We're going for a take.
02:02Working with top filmmakers...
02:04Keep coming, Suki.
02:06...animators...
02:07Recording.
02:08...and musicians.
02:10I'll help two dyslexic people bring their experiences to life.
02:14I just got a bit emotional.
02:16They'll make powerful short films.
02:20Oh, that's sensational.
02:22To reveal to their family and friends how they're really feeling inside.
02:28And give us all a better understanding of dyslexic minds.
02:32MUSIC PLAYS
02:46I've always found it a cruel irony that dyslexia is such a tricky word to spell.
02:58But whilst the difficulty reading and spelling is at the core of any dyslexia diagnosis,
03:05most dyslexic people will tell you that they also experience problems in a wide range of things.
03:12From memory to organisation.
03:14MUSIC PLAYS
03:15As is the case for the first person I'm meeting, 53-year-old Lee.
03:22He was only diagnosed as dyslexic a few years ago.
03:26He worries that his undiagnosed dyslexia has held him back.
03:31Lee trained as a carpenter and now works as a construction site manager.
03:37Yeah, so then Kirk's already done here.
03:38Yeah.
03:38Back up there.
03:39Yeah.
03:40Great developed.
03:42It says here he avoids reading and writing as much as he can.
03:46He's only ever read one book, Jurassic Park.
03:59Hey, Chris.
04:00Hello, Lee.
04:01How are you doing?
04:01I'm all right, thank you.
04:02Have a safe journey?
04:03Yeah, not bad.
04:04The firm Lee works for is restoring this 19th-century chapel into a concert venue.
04:15At the moment, we've got some secondary glazing going in, because of noise restrictions we've got here.
04:21All the panelling is all acoustic panelling, so I think it's going to be a great little venue.
04:29Let's have a cup of tea, Chris.
04:34This is where it all happens.
04:35You need to put a smile on that face.
04:40That's the chaos face.
04:43Yeah.
04:45Looking around the site office, it's immediately apparent how being dyslexic affects Lee's work.
04:52This is a retaining wall.
04:55Now, I'm absolutely fine looking at that drawing by there.
04:59I can understand the rebar sizes.
05:02I can understand everything on there.
05:05That is what I struggle to absorb.
05:09Like, if I read this now, I jump.
05:11I jump sort of words.
05:13That there will take me three times longer just to know what's happening there.
05:20So I'd have to leave it there for an hour, perhaps, and come back to it.
05:23These are different contractors on site.
05:29This is what we call the RAMS.
05:31Risk assessment method statement.
05:33We've got to read all this to make sure they comply.
05:38But it'll take me three days to understand them.
05:41That's when the anxiety now comes into it.
05:43So the dyslexia definitely has the potential to generate quite significant anxiety.
05:48Oh, yeah.
05:49Tremendous anxiety I do have, especially on big jobs as well.
05:55Yeah.
05:55I literally have to take myself away from the job.
05:59What do you do?
06:00I have to go on sick.
06:02I have to have a week off.
06:04I just reset myself.
06:06How were things at school?
06:08I enjoyed school.
06:09You did enjoy school?
06:10I enjoyed school, but only the practical side of things.
06:14I hated English.
06:16When they used to say, stand up to read a paragraph of a book, I'd have a panic.
06:22Because I couldn't do it.
06:24I could read.
06:26But what I was reading wasn't coming out.
06:31And in the classroom, that's really intimidating, isn't it?
06:37Very intimidating.
06:38I used to play up a bit in English to be chucked out so I could go to woodwork.
06:43Just not to be able to stand up and be made a fool of it, I thought.
06:49So, effectively, education sidelined you, and there wasn't an opportunity for further education?
06:58No.
06:58We were put on a minibus and taken to the local college and sort of thing, and walked around
07:06the brick lane, the carpentry.
07:08And it was more of, look, you can do all these.
07:12So, that's right then.
07:13I didn't know I had dyslexia then.
07:15I just thought it was thick, but I just thought I couldn't do it, and that was it.
07:22But, you know, I know a few people who are builders, you know, and they say, I'm just a builder.
07:29And it's the word just that makes me cross, you know.
07:33And I tend to agree with them.
07:35But you're just a builder.
07:37I'm just a builder.
07:38But you're not just a builder, are you?
07:40You already said you've got a trade, you can do carpentry.
07:42I can't do that.
07:44No, but I...
07:44Most of the people watching this are not going to be able to do that.
07:46It's...
07:47Yeah, I'm just a builder.
07:49And that's what I am.
07:57Outside of work, Lee loves singing with his male voice choir.
08:01But he struggles to learn the songs.
08:05Remember, dyslexia isn't just about reading.
08:08It's a difference in the way the brain processes information, making lyrics harder to retain.
08:19So the village is...
08:20Tonareval.
08:21Tonareval.
08:21Tonareval.
08:22Yeah, you've got it.
08:23That's it, yeah.
08:23This is it.
08:24This is us coming in.
08:27That's where we live.
08:33Crib sheet, I'm guessing.
08:34Yeah.
08:34I've got a solo to sing in choir.
08:37Oh, yeah.
08:38And it's a big challenge for me to remember it.
08:40It's only four lines, but it's taken me nearly three months to learn.
08:45I mean, it's the same lines on the door as well.
08:47So there'll be one by the TV, one by the kitchen, there'll be one with my guitars.
08:53Have you got it?
08:54I think I've got it.
09:00My conductor's basically, as soon as I see his lips mouth the wood, I know what I am.
09:06Okay.
09:06I've learned to lip read 90% of the songs with him.
09:12It's interesting, isn't it?
09:13Because we've both got neurodiverse minds, and they work in completely different ways.
09:17The page of A4, if you give me five minutes, I'll probably get it 95% right.
09:24Well, that would take me, well, yeah, I wouldn't be able to do it.
09:29There's things which I would love to do in life, but I know I can't do them because of my memory.
09:35I'd love to be in a musical, but I couldn't be on stage without some sort of prompt or something.
09:44I haven't got the confidence.
09:46Listen, I might be able to remember a lot, you know, page of A4, but you wouldn't hear me sing four lines, but you really wouldn't.
10:04Whilst Lee ended up taking a very practical career path, many dyslexic people do go on and thrive in more academic environments.
10:12But these dyslexic high achievers often become experts in hiding their struggles.
10:21Right, I'm off to meet Suki.
10:23She's 35 years old, lives in South London.
10:26She's recently qualified as a psychotherapist and works as a counsellor in a secondary school.
10:32Do it like that, that's the head.
10:33She lives with her six-year-old daughter, Eliza, and they love painting and drawing together.
10:39I need to put more crown on my cheek.
10:43Like Lee, Suki was only diagnosed as an adult after returning to education to study for a degree.
10:49Hello, Suki, how do you do?
11:01I'm good, welcome back to school.
11:02I don't mind coming back to school, and I'll learn something, I hope.
11:05Exactly.
11:05Suki's dyslexia wasn't spotted earlier, because at school, she spent every lunchtime and evening working in a bid to disguise her problems.
11:21Even today, literacy and organisation remain a challenge.
11:25Even when it comes to going to work, that can be completely confusing for me, because there's so many small things that I need to remember.
11:36Do I have my bus pass? Do I have my phone?
11:39And when I'm trying to schedule appointments, it can be quite terrifying, honestly.
11:48I double book, I'll have two young people come into my door at once, or I'll think, why haven't I got anyone in?
11:55Because I haven't scheduled them to come in.
11:59Sometimes I get the feeling that other people are frustrated with me, and I feel frustrated at myself that I should be able to do this, you know, and why can't I?
12:13What about, for instance, your short-term memory?
12:16It might take me a lot longer than the average person to recall something.
12:22For example, meeting up with friends and saying, oh, I watched this great movie, and what was it called?
12:28Uh, uh, I forgot, you know?
12:31How do you think people perceive that?
12:33You might get this feeling internally that, oh, I'm so stupid.
12:38Well, I know that I'm not stupid.
12:40Um, but, yeah, I forgot what you've asked me, actually.
12:48LAUGHTER
12:48I don't know what to say, really, because that was a question I asked, like, 30 seconds ago.
12:55Mm.
12:55But in the space of time, your mind drifted into one place and forgot that.
13:01Yeah, that's another thing with dyslexia.
13:04Sometimes you get an idea, someone's talking, and you desperately want to interrupt, because otherwise that thought will just disappear.
13:14It's sort of like a slippery fish, and you're trying to grab hold of it, and you can't.
13:22These differences in the way dyslexic brains process information impact people in many different ways.
13:31But one surprisingly common challenge is with directions and navigation.
13:36For Suki, this is far more frustrating than spelling mistakes.
13:42Suki, I've managed to meet your dad and your daughter at a pub for a bit of lunch.
13:46OK.
13:48It's the King's Arms in Wandsworth.
13:50How do you feel about navigating to the King's Arms in Wandsworth?
13:54I feel very nervous.
13:55I don't know where it is.
13:57I feel like I'm going to get lost.
14:00I feel like it's a bit of a disaster.
14:02But we'll try and get there.
14:05OK.
14:06Already I'm thinking, is it down there?
14:11Is it up there?
14:12Do we have to cross the road?
14:14Am I going to get the right bus going the wrong way?
14:19To me, this seems like a very simple exercise.
14:24Three minutes.
14:25OK.
14:26But for Suki, the anxiety is real.
14:29The bus is here.
14:30What do you think?
14:39We're not there yet.
14:41We're there and the dot is there.
14:43But now I'm just trying to figure out, is it this way?
14:47I have to go up this way.
14:49She says.
14:54This was stressful.
14:55Very stressful.
14:56I can see the King's Arms.
15:06There it is.
15:08I can breathe easy now.
15:10Do you think that seems quite straightforward?
15:12It wasn't straightforward to me.
15:14I thought I was going to get lost.
15:16Then I'm going to get you lost.
15:18Next time it'll be easier.
15:20No.
15:20It won't be easier.
15:23Hello.
15:24Hello.
15:26Hi.
15:27How are you doing?
15:27Chris?
15:27I'm great.
15:28I'm glad to meet you.
15:28Chris, I'm Mark.
15:30Hello, Eliza.
15:31Hello.
15:31I think the one thing that's striking about Suki, when she's talking about her dyslexia,
15:35is how all of the facets of it come together to generate a pressure and anxiety.
15:42Right, let me show you how to go about to apply, OK?
15:44So I suppose it's done.
15:45Right, here we go.
15:45So the first thing...
15:46She's got underlying determination in spades, and that seems to be a characteristic of people
15:53who are dyslexic.
15:56They don't want to give up.
15:58They just want to bruise through.
16:00What work?
16:02High fives.
16:03Hola.
16:05That's so good.
16:13Lee and Suki have given me an insight into the myriad ways being dyslexic affects them,
16:20but I'm keen to find out what is known about the science of dyslexia.
16:24I've come to the St Bride's Foundation print workshop, just off Fleet Street.
16:31Joel, hello.
16:32Chris, pleased to meet you.
16:34How are you doing?
16:34To meet neuroscientist Professor Joel Talcott.
16:37Lovely venue.
16:38I know.
16:39Look, here we are in a printing shop full of letters, full of words.
16:43Could be quite an uncomfortable place for some dyslexic people.
16:46It could.
16:47If you have difficulties with reading the printed word, then a place like this must fill you
16:51with absolute terror.
16:53Reading is a bit unique in the sense that it's a learned skill.
16:56Unlike language ability or other sorts of human capacities, reading doesn't emerge naturally.
17:02It needs to be taught in educational systems.
17:05And this is because, as a species, we haven't been reading very long.
17:08In what, five, six, seven thousand years?
17:11Our species, as we know it, has been around for 160,000.
17:15So we've only just been applying our brain to this challenge, haven't we?
17:21Yes.
17:21And as such, the brain has to use different component systems which aren't specific to
17:27the reading process, the visual symbol recognition of the letters, the speech sound recognition
17:34of the language, but also the conceptual processing was the meaning of words.
17:39And one of the interesting areas of current research is looking at neuroimaging.
17:44And what is interesting is the dyslexic brain uses the same brain areas as do typical readers.
17:53There's lesser coordination and lesser connectivity between these areas.
17:57And that's why it's so difficult to accomplish this task where someone can look at a word and
18:03be able to understand what it means.
18:06These differences in coordination between areas of the brain could also explain many of
18:12the other challenges dyslexic people experience.
18:16Individuals with dyslexia may have difficulties in other sorts of working memory tasks.
18:22Reading maps or understanding directions, following instructions, remembering words to a song,
18:31but also the ability to sustain attention to a task.
18:35Those ramifications that may manifest themselves with literacy difficulties in a child, by the
18:41time you've got to an adult, spread out to an enormous part of people's lives.
18:46It does. And we know that not being able to read can serve as a powerful mechanism for social exclusion.
18:55Around 60% of children who have dyslexic difficulties don't have them picked up in primary school.
19:04The knock-on effect of this, of course, is frustration, school dropouts, and longer-term social consequences.
19:11According to recent reports, about 30% of people in the prison population have dyslexia.
19:17And, of course, we don't know whether that's a cause or a consequence of the lack of exposure to reading,
19:22but it's clear that there is a high incidence of dyslexia and other sorts of learning difficulties in the prison population.
19:31Despite being one of the commonest types of neurodivergence, I worry that dyslexia is often overlooked and misunderstood.
19:44I hope that by helping Lee and Suki communicate their experiences, I can show how profoundly being dyslexic can shape someone's life.
19:56Well, that's not bad.
20:01Back in Wales, Lee has invited me to see his band rehearse.
20:12As he can't remember the words, the lyrics are on the tablet.
20:22Lee is a pillar of the local community.
20:30Lee, chairman of the emergency first responders, trustee of the Miners Club, he's always ready to lend a hand.
20:40Not least for his daughters, Leah and Elise.
20:44Your dad, what's he like? Be honest.
20:48He's a good guy. He's a family man. Yeah.
20:52He's known in his community. He's very popular, isn't he?
20:55And when he was diagnosed as dyslexic a few years ago, did that come as a surprise?
21:01It did and it didn't.
21:03Yeah. It was a bit of a mix because, like, when we were growing up, like, he couldn't help us with our homework because he didn't have that mind to do the homework.
21:13Right much. So, he's mostly, like, when he sends us a text message, usually, like, recorded instead of, like, actually typing it.
21:20And then if he did try and type it, we'd have to have, like, a guessing game.
21:23Do you remember a time when you were children and you thought, my dad can't spell and he doesn't read many books?
21:30I don't really think I've ever thought of him as being, like, daft or anything.
21:35No. He's probably joked about him more than we have.
21:39He does joke about him. He does say, oh, like, I'm daft and whatever.
21:42Or, like, he'd be like, oh, I'm a dull builder or something like that, when actually it's not true.
21:47He's not at all. He's just smart in other aspects.
21:50Yeah.
21:51Where's my roadies?
21:53Sorry. Here we are. We've been yapping. We've been yapping.
21:59I fear that Lee might be using his good humour as a defence mechanism.
22:05And that phrases like dull builder are hiding a deeper tension.
22:10Is there an underlying anxiety that people still think, no matter how much you give,
22:15how capable you are, how intelligent you are,
22:19that people still label you as a dull builder?
22:25I've probably grown up with a label on myself.
22:28My Uncle Brian definitely had dyslexia.
22:32He couldn't read, couldn't write. But the things he could do would buy the Miners Club,
22:42put disco lights up. We'd do everything.
22:44And I'm a mirror image of my uncle.
22:53And, um, he never had to help either.
22:56The date of cancer.
23:07Did he, um, coin the phrase dull builder?
23:10Well, he told me not to be a dull builder.
23:16And I think that's where the stigma comes from.
23:19He had a massive, massive influence on me.
23:23So much of Lee's life seems to have been driven by the fear of being seen,
23:32in his uncle's words, as dull.
23:35I hope the film we make together will allow him to share this struggle with his whole community,
23:41and prove, once and for all, that he isn't just a builder.
23:56Suki has already given me an idea about how being dyslexic affects her.
24:02But today, I'm meeting the people she really wants to reach out to.
24:06Her younger brothers, Antoine, and Jacob, and her older brother, Roy.
24:12Do you reckon you could survive out here for a week, then?
24:15Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've watched these out of Bear Grylls.
24:19Hi, guys. Hi, how are you doing? How are you going?
24:21Are you all right? Hi, little miss.
24:24I'm joining them on a family outing.
24:26You ready to go up there? Yeah.
24:28All right, all right. I don't know if I'm as ready as you are.
24:30I can tell straight away how much love Suki and her brothers have for each other.
24:37Let's get it. Come on, Suki.
24:41Got a good cadence going on. Yeah, balance of a cat.
24:45And how highly they all think of her.
24:50If you could each pick one word to discard Suki, what would it be?
24:55Trustworthy. Trustworthy.
24:57Tenacious, I think.
24:58Jacob took my word.
25:02I would say strong, because I think she's strong in so many different ways.
25:06Trustworthy, tenacious and strong.
25:08Yeah. I'd have that on a T-shirt.
25:12But close as this family are, they may not be fully aware of how being dyslexic affects Suki.
25:19It feels like as much time as I spend with them,
25:23there's sort of not enough time to talk about dyslexia with them and how it affects me.
25:28They see me as the strong one.
25:31But I think what's difficult is always having that sort of mentality of you've got this and you can do it.
25:38It's just a good thing.
25:39LAUGHTER
25:40Whoa!
25:41Come on, sis.
25:43Are there any things in her childhood that you now recognise as part of that condition?
25:48For me, no. Honestly. It was a surprise when I found out. Even to this day, I still don't see it. I still don't understand it.
25:58I was... I think you can almost be sceptical, even, because, not that she's lying, but I mean,
26:05again, I've known Suki my whole life and I haven't witnessed those struggles. So it was proper revelation, like, wow!
26:14LAUGHTER
26:16Suki, look where you're going!
26:18There's another reason why Suki might have been holding back, which could be traced to the tragedy they faced when Suki was a child.
26:25When I was 19 and when she was nine, our mum passed away.
26:32And I've seen her overcome the emotional difficulties that comes with that and the tenacity that she's displayed in that.
26:42We've had to put a brave face on things from a young age.
26:46So maybe because of that and because she's kind of can-do, I'll figure out a way to do it.
26:53There were no real cries for help.
27:01Mission Impossible.
27:05You'd lost your mother when you were nine.
27:08Do you think that toughness that you needed to summon at that point
27:12meant that you gloss over some of those difficulties?
27:15Because there were much, much bigger difficulties at times.
27:19Yeah.
27:19You're putting a brave face on about the hardest thing that I've probably ever had to face in my life.
27:26And it meant that when it comes to other conversations about the fact that I'm really struggling with my
27:33directions or what have you, we're not going to talk about as much.
27:37Mm-hmm.
27:38But I want them, especially Roy, I want him to see that sometimes it's not so straightforward.
27:46It's not just about keeping my chin up. There's some things that will be long-lasting that I find challenging.
27:54I want him to see how much some things are difficult for me, a struggle for me,
28:01that it feels messy and complicated.
28:05Go. Jump. Jump. Jump.
28:07Walking in the air. Walking in the air.
28:08Yeah, yeah, that's it.
28:09It's clear Suki needs a new way to communicate how being dyslexic affects her.
28:20Hopefully, the film we make together will start a conversation she's been waiting to have for years.
28:27Roy, did you smash it? Far from, furthermore, far from.
28:39When Lee and Suki were growing up, dyslexic but undiagnosed,
28:44they often felt they had few career options open to them.
28:50But today, many organisations are starting to think differently about dyslexia.
28:56Among them, the UK intelligence services and GCHQ.
29:01Morning. Morning.
29:03See your ID, please.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Very much.
29:05Excellent. Thank you.
29:08They're actively recruiting dyslexic people who, they say,
29:12have the skills required to be 21st century spies.
29:18Very excited about this.
29:20Childishly excited about this.
29:22And of course, normally, hammers are not allowed in at all.
29:25No recording devices.
29:27So this is a very special occasion.
29:32Showing me around, Director of Legal Affairs, Shahzad Charania.
29:36Hello, Shahzad.
29:37Hi. How are you?
29:38Welcome to GCHQ.
29:39Thank you. Thank you very much.
29:40One of the few employees who's permitted to appear on camera.
29:44Shall we have a look around?
29:45Great.
29:52What's GCHQ all about? What does it do?
29:55GCHQ is the UK's secret intelligence, cyber and security agency.
30:00We intercept and monitor communications. We analyze the data that we receive and we use that to keep the country safe.
30:14To give me a better understanding of the work they do here, Shahzad has set me an analysis challenge.
30:20Nathaniel Edwards has recently been holding meetings with Gregorio G. Work out where the next meet will be.
30:29It's the kind of puzzle one of their analysts might be expected to crack.
30:35So I've got a list of phone numbers and then we've got some coded emails.
30:40And the thing is, I haven't got my phone. They're not allowed in here, so I can't even phone a friend.
30:45Well, I don't have any friends, but you know.
30:49It's thought that dyslexic brains are well placed to tackle tasks like these.
30:54Greg Griffin. So that could be Gregorio.
30:57A study by the charity Made by Dyslexia found that 84% of dyslexic people scored above average
31:05in skills like pattern recognition and big picture thinking.
31:09What is it about a dyslexic person that means that they can succeed at GCHQ?
31:15Well, this dyslexic person might be able to spot an anomaly in a huge data set
31:21that a neurotypical person might not be able to, that enables them to see a threat.
31:26The key here is the mix of minds that we have.
31:31Everything we do is about working in a team to solve the most complex problems.
31:36So we need both neurodiverse people and neurotypical people to work together.
31:4330 minutes into my test.
31:4516th.
31:47And I have to admit, I'm struggling.
31:49Is that a Monday? I don't know.
31:50Hello.
31:54Hello.
31:54Hello.
31:55How have you found this?
31:56Uh, challenging.
31:58Shahzad sends dyslexic analyst Charlotte to check in.
32:02We've been asked to keep her identity a secret.
32:05I have a profoundly detailed memory for photographs, paintings and those sorts of things.
32:11But I, I, I look at that and I don't initially see patterns.
32:15But do you?
32:16Yeah.
32:17Yeah.
32:17I take the last four digits of a fair number.
32:20Right.
32:20And for me, that's the pattern.
32:22So when I scan through, I know what I'm looking for and they just jump out.
32:25And I don't know how to explain how they jump out.
32:28But it's just something in my brain that just will spot them, um, like pretty much instantly.
32:32Right.
32:33How long would it have taken you to have solved that?
32:36I think the first time I did it, it was about 15 minutes.
32:43GCHQ's neurodiversity drive seems to be paying off.
32:48Their latest intake of apprentices are four times more likely to be dyslexic than the general population.
32:54What's reassuring when you come here is that there's a very proactive drive
33:01to provide a safe, secure, productive workplace for neurodiverse people.
33:09And it's moving to think that a young dyslexic person leaving school today
33:14might be given many more pathways to explore.
33:17GCHQ's neurodiversity.
33:23Back in Wales, Lee is in fine voice.
33:26GCHQ's neurodiversity.
33:28I want him to realise his dreams of performing on stage,
33:32so his film will be a musical.
33:34GCHQ's neurodiversity.
33:36GCHQ's neurodiversity.
33:38Your age is massive.
33:40And I've asked West End composers Kit Buchan and Jim Barn to write it.
33:44GCHQ's neurodiversity.
33:51From our perspective, what we'd like to achieve, I suppose,
33:53is to get a sense of where you've come from in your relationship with your dyslexia.
33:59Yeah.
34:01I've fought all my life, really, when I think about it.
34:05People used to pick things up like that, and I had to work at it.
34:08And musically, it would be really cool, I think, to, if you don't mind,
34:11to put you in that place of discomfort and see you conquering.
34:15Yeah.
34:15Give the listeners and the audience an opportunity to see you as a hero in your story, which you are.
34:20Yeah.
34:21It's going to be a challenge.
34:23Don't mess with that challenge.
34:27Meanwhile, I'm sending Suki to the London Aquarium to meet designer and animator Chas Golding.
34:33Hey.
34:34Hello.
34:34You all right?
34:35Yeah, you're all right.
34:36Yeah.
34:37When I first met Suki, she described her thoughts as being like slippery fish.
34:42Look at that turtle.
34:43Ah, yes.
34:45His wrinkly neck.
34:47I'm hoping the aquatic inhabitants will provide inspiration for how to visualise her world.
34:53So I've just pulled together a few clips to experiment with the idea of what these thoughts might look like.
34:59The idea of this shoal of fish, if you were trying to reach out and touch these things,
35:08then they would escape you.
35:10Yeah.
35:10But it's the mass of them, isn't it?
35:11Yeah.
35:12And it's like the sense that they're overwhelming.
35:14Mm.
35:15But then also looking at the jellyfish, it's all these tiny, potentially, thoughts working together.
35:22I'm thinking that it feels like that in my brain.
35:25It's so beautiful, but to grasp it and to try to communicate to someone else, it can be so difficult.
35:32Yeah.
35:35I was just looking at the fish that just went past, and I was thinking,
35:39oh, that reminds me of my distractions.
35:41At home.
35:51I've received a demo of Lee's song from Kit and Jim.
35:57And I'm keen to find out from Megan if it chimes with her.
36:01I find that really sad, actually.
36:13Yeah, it is.
36:14It captures a lot of the dyslexic experience, I think.
36:19I remember before it was picked up that I was dyslexic, I overheard the teacher refer to the table I was
36:26sat on as the stupid table, and it's those kind of words which probably have the biggest long-lasting impact.
36:34Mm.
36:35Can't help feeling they don't understand.
36:38What it feels like to have so much to say if there weren't a war of words in my way.
36:43It's really well written, because it is a war in your mind.
36:47You are constantly battling with your own self-confidence and your own self-worth in what you can do.
36:56Just a builder.
37:03In the studio, Lee's getting ready to lay down this emotional mini-musical.
37:08And I know I shouldn't complain.
37:12I hope this will put to rest any fears that he's just a builder.
37:19He's certainly got the best backing band in the business.
37:22His friends, Kel, Oz and Scott.
37:26Just a husband.
37:28And his choir.
37:29Just a fix-up.
37:31Just a fix-up.
37:32The gentleman's songsters.
37:34First responder.
37:38Brilliant. Thank you so much.
37:39Let's have a go.
37:40All that's left is Lee's part.
37:45Recording.
37:47Like they don't understand what it feels like to have so much to say.
37:53There weren't a war of words in my way, but it might sound hard to believe.
37:58I'm getting a few words muddled up on this.
38:00That's all right. That's not a problem at all.
38:01But what we can do is we can do...
38:02But it soon becomes apparent that Lee's difficulty reading might be slowing things down.
38:08To me, that just reads, if there, there, there, a war of words.
38:13There's a war of words for there.
38:15So that word there says, where, and that's what I'm reading.
38:18And it doesn't make any sense.
38:20So if I write weren't, in a way they know what to say.
38:25So we'll just try to go for another one, if that's right.
38:26Mm-hmm.
38:28If there weren't a war of words in my way, and it might sound hard to believe.
38:33Yeah, I mean, that's perfect.
38:34Now we're just going to the last bit.
38:36Okay.
38:38If I was anyone but me.
38:47That was so beautiful.
38:49Yep.
38:50I just got a bit emotional.
38:53It's a really personal song, like.
38:54So it's, um, it's a happy tears.
39:01All right, stand by.
39:02Stand by.
39:05Next, the team heads to Lee's old school to shoot the video.
39:10In the valleys.
39:15No worries, Lee, we'll go again.
39:18A few discreetly placed cue cards, helping Lee through.
39:21Maybe I was meant to be so much more, somewhere there's some.
39:28Great!
39:28That was fantastic!
39:35Oh, is this how movie stars feel, then, when they're getting their hair and makeup done?
39:39Mm-hmm.
39:40In Suki's film, she hopes to explain to her brothers, and in particular, her older brother, Roy,
39:46the difficulty she faces collecting, ordering, and articulating her thoughts.
39:53It's just a slow walk, kind of looking up at the trees.
39:57We'll see her exploring a magical forest, representing her mind.
40:02And Chas has some exciting ideas for how to visualise those thoughts.
40:07I started looking into seed pods and flower heads, and how they could move with fluidity,
40:14like sea creatures.
40:15Yeah, yeah, like the jellyfish.
40:16Yeah, exactly, so sometimes they've come alive.
40:20Yeah, I like that.
40:21And if there was a whole sea of them, you'll be walking through and they'll be kind of
40:25parting out of your way.
40:26Mm-hmm.
40:26And then what that could look like in a shot like the forest, so...
40:31So amazing.
40:32Yeah, I like how they're part of it, like the purple of these sprites.
40:37Yeah.
40:37It's sort of coming through in a light.
40:39It bleeds into the light.
40:39It looks beautiful.
40:40A few weeks later, Suki's film is ready to show to her brothers.
40:59And at this South London Arts Centre, the team are busy making the final preparations.
41:08How are you feeling?
41:09It's the big day, everyone's about to see the film.
41:12I'm feeling really nervous.
41:15Here I am putting that out there for them to see, so...
41:20I guess I'm nervous about their reaction.
41:23I'm sure it's going to be fine.
41:25They love you, they dote upon you.
41:27Yeah, but because they love me, they're very honest with me as well,
41:31so I guess we'll see what they really think.
41:33As Suki waits patiently next door.
41:39Hello.
41:40How are you?
41:41Nice to see you, yeah.
41:42Nice to see you.
41:43I welcome back Jacob, Antoine and Roy.
41:46I'm not sure if it's Men in Black or Reservoir Dogs, but you look good, you look good.
41:52Suki's big day, what are you expecting?
41:55To be honest, I don't really know what to expect.
41:58She hasn't really told us about what she's been doing in filming,
42:00no idea what we're going to see on the screen.
42:03Excited to see it.
42:05She has kept it all secret, has she?
42:06She has.
42:07She's very good at that.
42:09She's very good at doing that.
42:11Shall we roll the, uh, roll the movie?
42:13Sounds good.
42:29Roy.
42:34You've always been more than a brother to me.
42:38But when you look at me, I'm worried you only see the things I've achieved.
42:44Not how much I've struggled along the way.
42:51How much I still struggle.
43:04For me, being dyslexic can turn simple tasks into real challenges.
43:28My thoughts are like fishing a pond.
43:29One moment they're there, then suddenly they're gone, slipping out of reach.
43:40If someone asks me a question, even an easy one, like where we're supposed to be meeting,
43:46the answer could be on the tip of my tongue.
43:49But catching that thought and saying it out aloud is harder than you could know.
43:53Even simple conversations can leave me exhausted.
44:07Often, by the time I've ordered my thoughts, I've forgotten what I was thinking in the first place.
44:19In every moment, in every conversation, I feel like dyslexia is there, waiting to catch me out.
44:28I'm scared of what people must think of me, that flaky friend, always forgetting things, letting everyone down.
44:41I'm scared of what you might think of me, but I also know that being dyslexic makes me the person I am.
44:52It makes me creative, able to spot patterns and make connections.
45:00Helps me to solve problems others can't.
45:02I need you to know that dyslexia will always be a part of me.
45:11It's not something we need to fix, but something we need to embrace.
45:18There'll be times when I'll need your help, times when I need you to be patient.
45:23But more than anything, I need you to accept me just the way I am.
45:32Oh, that's sensational.
45:36Wow.
45:38Suki knows how to pull on the heartstrings a little bit.
45:40Yeah, it was borderline tearjerk. I had to breathe it out.
45:44Okay. I think it's time for me to go and get Suki.
45:48Bring her in.
45:49Hello.
46:01Hi.
46:02How are you doing? You all right?
46:04Yeah, you're right.
46:08Personally, I thought it was a really good film.
46:12Come across really well. Hair was dead.
46:14So he was on point. But just to let you know that whatever happens in life, I'll never be disappointed in you.
46:28I am sensationally proud of who you are.
46:31Never ever worry about how I perceive you, ever.
46:36We want to know, like, your struggle is part of you, isn't it?
46:40And we're the least, the last people that will judge you on any struggles.
46:45Like, we've been through literally hell and back.
46:48I feel privileged to be able to kind of go inside your mind and see what it's like in your shoes.
46:54Honestly, I was so nervous in showing you. I was honestly so nervous because there's just some things that are just difficult for me.
47:07But I think now what might change is that it will be easier for me to say, oh, it's my dyslexia.
47:13Yeah.
47:15I think I've passed that on where we save our vulnerabilities, our sadness for places where we can't be seen.
47:27And maybe that might not be the best way to deal with things now.
47:32So we'll work with you.
47:35Honestly, I'm really grateful that I've got all of you as my brothers and that you support me so much.
47:43I think we'll have to see that off of group hug.
47:45Yeah, I think so.
47:47Let's do the group hug.
47:58Thanks, guys.
48:03Asking a family who's been through a very serious trauma and had to develop instantaneously coping mechanisms
48:12to transform those in the space of just over three minutes is a big ask.
48:18But quite clearly, there is all of the love and support that she needs there to make that happen.
48:24Tonight, in Tonna Revile, it's the world premiere of Lee's musical.
48:39This is Lee's chance to show everyone in his community exactly what he's struggled with over the years and exactly what he's capable of now.
48:52But maybe there's someone else who needs to hear this message.
48:56You see, I think that what Lee has done is made a film for himself.
49:01I think that he's thrown an enormous amount of emotional effort into this.
49:06And he hasn't seen the film and that when he does, he's going to see himself in a whole new light.
49:13It's been an interesting journey.
49:29Trying to do certain things
49:30for this project has been exhausting challenge, to be honest.
49:35But you wanted to.
49:36Yeah, yeah.
49:38I needed to.
49:39I'm not a person to give up, so I can't wait to see it all put together now.
49:43I've seen it.
49:43You've seen it?
49:44Yeah.
49:45Well, I can't give anything away at this stage, can I?
49:49But it's been a hell of a performance, I can tell you that much.
49:53I can't wait.
49:55I can't wait.
49:56I think I'm going to be quite emotional, actually.
49:59Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd like to make your way in, please.
50:04So, you up there.
50:08It feels like half the village has turned out for the occasion.
50:11How are you doing?
50:12Mum?
50:13Lee's wife, Hayley, and his daughters are all here,
50:16along with his parents, John and Athelia, his brothers, Mark and Scott,
50:21and even his grandson, Ollie.
50:23The BBC spares no expense.
50:27So, this is Sweet and Salty. Lee's got Salty and Sweet.
50:31Oh, Sweet and Sweet, OK.
50:33There you go.
50:35Over the last couple of months, we've been working with Lee
50:37and a couple of leading West End composers
50:41to put together a song which explains part of Lee's lived experience with dyslexia.
50:47We really hope that you enjoy it.
50:50Let's roll the movie.
51:06Nice to meet you.
51:08Oh, I'm a builder named Lee.
51:10Nothing special.
51:12Nothing smart about me.
51:13Just a builder.
51:15Just a fella next door.
51:17I've never been the sharpest tool in the draw in the valleys.
51:22If you struggled in school in the 80s, they just called you a fool.
51:28Can't spell Shakespeare.
51:30Well, it sucks to be you.
51:32Be a builder, that's the best you can do.
51:35And I know I shouldn't complain.
51:38I got a life for your daughter, giving everything for.
51:42But the question burns in my brain.
51:46Maybe I was meant to be so much more.
51:49Somewhere there's a song never to be heard.
51:56Oh, I can feel frustration stirring each and every word.
52:04Maybe I could sing it.
52:07Or set those demons free.
52:10If I was anyone but me.
52:15Guys, anybody see my iPad?
52:25Okay, thank you.
52:26I'm a grafter.
52:29I work hard for my town.
52:32But dyslexia keeps dragging me down.
52:36Misdappointments, health and safety reports.
52:40Broken alphabets invading my thoughts.
52:43And my family and my friends in the band.
52:46And I feel it like they don't understand.
52:50What it feels like to have so much to say.
52:54If there were, there were words in my way.
52:57And it might sound hard to believe.
53:00But it could feel like a seed that's rising up around me.
53:04I just need a moment to breathe.
53:08I take a deep breath and then count to three.
53:12One, two, three.
53:19Somewhere there's a song longing to be heard.
53:28And if I have to fight a war with each and every word.
53:35Maybe I can sing it.
53:41Make my love one see.
53:45If I was anyone but me.
53:51Just a fixer.
53:55Always knows what to do.
53:57First responder.
53:59He's the man that you know.
54:01Volunteering.
54:03Volunteering.
54:04Don't believe you always have for a song.
54:07Just a filter.
54:08But I've learned my own song.
54:11What you carry.
54:12The hands are making you strong.
54:16And dyslexia.
54:17It's a tool of my trade.
54:20And just a filter.
54:22But just look for a man.
54:26If I was anyone but me.
54:32If I was anyone but me.
54:42I could not have sung it to set this spirit free.
54:48If I was anyone but me.
54:57If I was anyone but me
55:04That's, that's, that's blow me away that I've actually
55:29It's wow isn't it, do you think?
55:34I think it was outstanding
55:36Kit and Jim have done an amazing job with the words
55:41I think they've captured me, they've captured everything
55:44But do the words tell the truth now?
55:46Because when we first met, you know, the second half of that song
55:50Was not what you were singing to me
55:52Where you turn everything around and say, frankly, only I could sing this song
55:57I've realised who I am
56:00I might not be academically as qualified as some people
56:06But I think outside the box
56:09Have I put some words in your mouth?
56:13Can you say, I'm a builder called Lee and I'm in love with me
56:17And don't put the just word in
56:19Well I am a builder called Lee
56:21And I'm finally in love with me
56:23Well I am in love with me
56:24It's the job done then isn't it?
56:26I think so
56:31Okay?
56:32Yeah
56:33Brilliant
56:34I'm very, very, very proud of him
56:36Very proud of him
56:38Very good
56:39Very good
56:40Very good
56:41It's good, Lee
56:42It's a bit of a catchy tune, don't we?
56:43Yeah, yeah, it is really good
56:45It does what it's supposed to do
56:47You actually sound quite professional, don't you?
56:49It's very moving
56:52The song sums up his thoughts and his feelings and his life brilliantly
56:57It's your dad that is
56:59Yeah
57:00What do you think?
57:01Really good
57:02It's really good
57:03Yeah, really good
57:04I think he's in his element
57:05Thank you boys
57:06Yay!
57:07After you
57:08Brilliant
57:09Thank you
57:10That was quite an evening
57:18Emotionally charged, of course
57:21And I think when they got over how great the song was
57:23How great a singer he is
57:24The production values
57:26The message, the words, the story
57:29Started to sink in
57:31The evening might be over
57:34But it's going to be a new day for Lee tomorrow
57:37Because I think that he's no longer just a builder
57:41Because no one could have sung that song but Lee
57:48Every neurodivergent person I've met in this series
57:52Has blown me away with their honesty and creativity
57:56My hope is they'll inspire many more people to share how they're feeling inside
58:03Because I truly believe that the more we understand each other
58:08The better all our lives will become
58:15To find out more about dyslexia and the assessment process
58:19Visit bbc.co.uk forward slash inside our minds
58:24And follow the links to The Open University
58:26The Open University
58:56Grim forward slash outside our minds
58:57Visit bbc.co.uk...
58:59To find a new
59:08topic on theì•…
59:21It's absolutely wonderful
Be the first to comment