- hace 6 meses
Max visits a jewelry store to buy a reasonably-priced engagement ring for 99. The owner of the jewelry store is being threatened by KAOS and slips Max a diamond ring that's actually worth $275,000. Tracking down the KAOS jewelry smuggling operation ultimately leads Max and 99 to a bowling alley. The title is a play on the song "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend".
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00:00¡Gracias!
00:30This is the Chief.
00:36Hello, Chief. This is Max.
00:37Max, talk fast. I'm on the hydrant phone at 7th and Wilson.
00:41Things are kind of busy here. Where are you?
00:42I'm in front of Spiegel's Jewelry Store.
00:45I thought I'd take a few hours off and see if I could shop around and find an engagement ring for $99.
00:49Well, keep your eyes open while you're shopping, Max.
00:51Chaos has been hitting all the jewelry stores in the area. They're stealing diamonds.
00:54What do they want with diamonds?
00:56They smuggle them out of the country to make up their European payroll.
00:59We believe this to be the work...
01:02We're going to murder Schleppenheimer for inventing this hydrant phone.
01:06Max, this could be the work of the League of Bald-Headed Men.
01:10That's Chaos' smuggling unit.
01:12But they're clever and ingenious. There's nothing they can't accomplish.
01:15Well, how come they can't grow hair?
01:16Max, they don't want to grow hair. That's their trademark. That's how they identify each other.
01:20All right, Chief. I'll keep my eyes open.
01:22In the meantime, you pick up Yul Brynner and Dean Rusk.
01:25Max, just because somebody's bald doesn't mean he's a member of the League.
01:28Oh, we'll pick them up anyway. If they're clean, we'll let them go.
01:32I have to hang up now, Max. There's a colleague coming.
01:38But I'm telling you the truth. I don't have the Morris diamond.
01:42You lie. We know the diamond was delivered here yesterday.
01:47Now give us the diamond.
01:49Please, that diamond is worth $275,000.
01:54We are well aware of its value.
01:55Look, business has been terrible.
01:59Say, you men aren't interested in buying it, are you?
02:03I didn't think so.
02:08Well, there's a customer.
02:10Wait on him and get rid of him fast.
02:12We'll be watching you through that curtain.
02:14One false move, you'll both die.
02:16Someone's come.
02:16Good afternoon.
02:26Can I help you?
02:27Yes, I'm looking for a diamond engagement ring for my fiancée.
02:30Money is no object.
02:31What price did you have in mind?
02:33$80.
02:33I think we can find something nice for $80.
02:46Here.
02:47I'm sure you'll see something in this case that will interest you.
02:52All those diamonds are for $80?
02:54Well, now, these two aren't bad, but actually, I was looking for something a little more ostentatious.
03:01I just happen to have something I think you might like.
03:04I can let you have this for $80.
03:27What else have you got?
03:29Mr. Take it.
03:30You're getting a good buy.
03:33I can't get it off.
03:34Good.
03:35I mean, take the ring.
03:37I guarantee your fiancée will love it.
03:39Well, all right, I'll take it.
03:41But I really wanted something bigger.
03:43How much was that?
03:44$80.
03:45$80 is a lot of money.
03:48Call me later and let me know how your fiancée likes it.
03:52Okay.
03:53All right, let's get on with it.
04:04Where's the Mars diamond?
04:05Some place where you'll never find it.
04:09Some of us.
04:10We'll take him in the back and you'll attend to him.
04:13Then we'll ransack the store and find the diamond.
04:16Mr. Spiegel?
04:29Yes?
04:29Oh, if my girlfriend doesn't like this, I can exchange it, right?
04:33Right.
04:33Right.
04:33Mr. Spiegel?
04:43Yes?
04:43If there's nothing else here that she likes, I can get my money back, right?
04:46Right.
04:47Right!
04:48Right!
04:48Right!
04:48Do me a favor.
04:56Before he comes back, shoot me.
04:59No, no, no, no.
05:29No, no, no, no.
05:59No, no, no, no.
06:29Why don't we just wait until the swelling goes down?
06:32No, Max, this really works.
06:33I always do this when I get a ring stuck on my finger.
06:35But, 99, I'm telling you, this is not going to work.
06:38Why do you think so?
06:39Because the ring is on my other hand.
06:42Sorry.
06:47Stuck, Max?
06:47I know it's stuck, 99.
06:51Come on.
06:52There's a hammer over there in the top of my desk drawer.
06:55Okay.
06:56Oh, it's locked.
06:57Where do you keep the key?
06:58I'll keep them right here in this urn.
07:01Isn't it in there?
07:02Yes, they're in there, but I can't get my hand out.
07:06Max, what are we going to do?
07:07We have theater tickets and the show starts in an hour.
07:10Well, I just hope it isn't a good show.
07:11Why?
07:11I won't be able to applaud.
07:13What in the world are you trying to do, 99?
07:20Well, Max, we have to break the urn so we can get the keys out and open the drawer
07:23and get the hammer and tap that off your other hand.
07:26Break the urn?
07:26Are you crazy?
07:27I wouldn't break that urn.
07:28That's a family heirloom.
07:29Oh, Max, don't be unreasonable.
07:31I'm not being unreasonable, 99.
07:33This urn is worth a lot of money.
07:34Max, this is absolutely ridiculous because if we don't get this urn off,
07:37you're not going to get your hand out.
07:3899, I am not going to argue with you.
07:40And that is...
07:41Here are the keys, 99.
07:49Where's the hammer, Max?
07:51Hmm?
07:51Oh, must be in the other drawer.
07:53Oh.
08:00There.
08:01Now try the ring.
08:03It still won't come off, 99.
08:05Oh, Max, there must be something we can do.
08:07There is no way, 99.
08:08I have tried every way in the world to get this ring off.
08:10There is no way that I haven't tried.
08:12Did you try soap?
08:13Huh?
08:14There's some soap in my handbag.
08:19You keep soap in your pocketbook?
08:21Well, it looks like soap and it feels like soap,
08:23but actually it's a camouflage for a secret carrying case.
08:26Well, what do you keep in the carrying case?
08:28Soap.
08:29Now, we'll just lubricate the ring,
08:32and it should slide right off.
08:33Okay, Max, you brace yourself in that chair and I'll pull.
08:40Ready?
08:41Ready.
08:42One.
08:43Two.
08:44Three.
08:48Max!
08:49Look, I got a great idea, 99.
08:52What?
08:52Why don't I just keep this ring and buy you another one?
08:54Oh, no, Max.
08:55I want my engagement ring.
08:57All right, we'll try once more.
09:00Here, you get over there now.
09:02I'll brace myself against the door.
09:03All righty, and we'll count to three.
09:05All right.
09:06Ready?
09:06One.
09:07One.
09:08Two.
09:09Almost got it.
09:10Three.
09:15Got it, Max.
09:16I got it.
09:28Good work, 99.
09:30You'll get a bonus for this.
09:31Where'd you get it?
09:31Max gave it to me.
09:33Well, then he'll get the bonus.
09:34Where'd he get it?
09:35He bought it.
09:35It's my engagement ring.
09:37Max bought you that diamond?
09:38Uh, diamond?
09:40Yeah.
09:41But I thought it was a zircon.
09:43Oh, that's ridiculous, chief.
09:45If this were a diamond, it would be worth a great deal of money.
09:48Well, it is.
09:49It's the Morris diamond.
09:50It's worth $275,000.
09:54$275,000?
09:55Right.
09:56Oh, that sweet guy.
10:00I don't like the looks of this, 99.
10:02In the past six months, several of our control agents have been paid off by chaos for turning over government secrets.
10:08Oh, chief, you know Max would never do anything like that.
10:10Of course not.
10:1199, but where would Max get $275,000?
10:14Well, he always manages to put away a few dollars out of his salary every week.
10:1899, on his salary, he could never save that much money.
10:22Unless, unless a rich relative died and left him an inheritance.
10:27No, there's only his mother.
10:28He sends her $15 a month.
10:30Well, that's it.
10:31His mother's been saving up that money until she accumulated $207...
10:35That's the worst reason yet.
10:36I don't like the looks of this, 99.
10:40I don't want you to show that ring to anybody until we get to the bottom of this.
10:43Now, chief, I don't care what anyone says, and I don't know where Max got this ring,
10:46but I do know one thing.
10:47Max would never sell out to chaos.
10:50And I agree with you 100%.
10:52Good.
10:52Then that means he must have stolen it.
10:54No!
10:56Oh, chief.
10:57Oh, hi, 99.
11:07What's up, chief?
11:09Max, we came about the engagement ring that you bought.
11:12Well, what about it?
11:13It's worth $275,000.
11:19$275,000 and I got it for 80?
11:22Boy, I got some buy.
11:23Max, did you actually buy that ring?
11:26Are you kidding, chief?
11:27I stole it.
11:30Max, don't say another word until we get a lawyer.
11:32What are you talking about, 99?
11:34What would we need with a lawyer?
11:35We're only engaged.
11:36You don't see a lawyer until you've been married for a little while.
11:39No, Max, you don't understand.
11:41There are some people who might think that you really did steal that ring.
11:45But that's ridiculous, 99.
11:47I bought this ring at Spiegel's jewelry store.
11:49I didn't even want to buy the ring.
11:51Mr. Spiegel insisted.
11:52And then I gave him the $80 and...
11:54You expect me to believe that Mr. Spiegel sold you a $275,000 diamond ring for $80?
12:01Tax included.
12:02Max, show him the receipt.
12:03Right, the receipt, 90.
12:05Uh, the receipt.
12:06Yes, well, he forgot to give me one.
12:09Well, you can ask Mr. Spiegel himself.
12:11I think we'd better do just that.
12:13Okay.
12:14We'll go there now.
12:15It's Spiegel's jewelry store, right around the corner from Spiegel's drugstore, next to Spiegel's delicatessen, where Spiegel's cleaners used to be.
12:22And where's that?
12:23Fourth and Spiegel.
12:24Where could he have hidden the diamond?
12:32Keep searching.
12:34The couriers are making the pickup tonight, and Chaos insists the Mars diamond be in tonight's shipment.
12:43It's that fool that was here yesterday.
12:46I'll get rid of him.
12:47I'll cover you from the back room.
12:49Sorry, but we're closed for inventory.
12:57I'd like to see Mr. Spiegel.
12:58Uh, Mr. Spiegel is no longer here.
13:01We bought the store from him.
13:02Yes, well, I bought this ring from Mr. Spiegel yesterday, and he forgot to give me a receipt for it.
13:10A receipt?
13:11Yes, a receipt for $80 to prove that I bought it here.
13:14Yes, I remember you now.
13:16I was in the back of the store at the time and happened to see you through the curtain as you were paying, Mr. Spiegel.
13:22Thank you for being honest enough to return it.
13:25I'm returning it?
13:26Yes.
13:27You see, Mr. Spiegel's done this before.
13:31Selling valuable jewels for far less than their value.
13:35I believe he was going through some sort of a breakdown.
13:38Well, you cleared up some questions for us.
13:40Thank you.
13:40Uh, in view of the recent rash of robberies, I suggest you keep a valuable gem like that in a safer place.
13:46I intend to.
13:48Goodbye.
13:55I have it.
13:56I'll start the car.
13:57You gag Spiegel.
14:00What's the matter, Chief?
14:01He seemed awfully anxious to get rid of us.
14:03I have a feeling there's something wrong here.
14:05You're right, Chief.
14:06He forgot to give me back my $80.
14:07Hello?
14:12Hello?
14:13Anybody here?
14:16Hello?
14:18Hello?
14:19Wait a minute.
14:21Both those men were bald.
14:23Now I remember them winters and summers.
14:25The League of Bald-Headed Men.
14:29I'll go after him, Chief.
14:30You and 99 go around the front and try and block off the alley.
14:32Right, Max.
14:33Don't go away, Spiegel.
14:39When I come back, I want to see some engagement rings.
14:47Hurry, Simmers, hurry!
14:48Hurry!
14:48Hurry, Simmers.
15:06Come on.
15:12Max!
15:28Max, ¿estás bien?
15:29Sí, estoy bien, 99.
15:31Max, ¿estás bien?
15:31¿Está bien con el morris diamond?
15:32Si no lo que no es lo que significa, ¿sí?
15:34Si, en tu vida de tu vida, ¿sí?
15:36Yo voy a ser de $80.
15:42Oh, Max.
15:55I'm fine, 99.
15:56I'm so glad you weren't hurt, Max.
15:57The way he bowled you over with that trash can.
16:00Wait a minute, 99.
16:01You're right.
16:02He didn't throw that trash can at me.
16:03He bowled it at me.
16:05His form, his stance, the way he followed through.
16:07He handled that trash can like a bowling ball.
16:09Well, that means that one of the men we're looking for
16:11spends a lot of time bowling.
16:13I'll have our best men check out the bowling alleys.
16:15But, Chief, it'll take a week to cover every alley in town.
16:17Not necessarily, 99.
16:19After all, how many expert bowlers are ball-headed and bowl left-handed?
16:22You're right, Chief.
16:22Now, all we have to do is to look for a ball-headed man
16:25who bowls left-handed with an ash can.
16:27Come on, 99.
16:28Come on, 99.
16:42Now, you see, 99, that one had just a little too much hook on it.
16:47Otherwise, it would have been a strike.
16:48I see.
16:49May I try one now?
16:50Hey, yes.
16:51Remember to follow through.
16:52All right.
16:52How was that?
17:07Well, you'll get the hang of it sooner or later.
17:11Max, how much longer do we have to stake out this place?
17:14It's getting laid.
17:16Yes, well, I know, 99, but we've checked out
17:18every other bowling alley in town
17:19that has a left-headed, ball-handed,
17:21a ball-handed, left-headed,
17:23a ball-headed, left,
17:25a man with a hand.
17:26It is getting late, isn't it, 90?
17:28Max, why don't we check with Agent 8 1⁄2?
17:29He's staked out here.
17:30Good idea.
17:378 1⁄2, are you there?
17:39Hi, 86.
17:40How are you, 9 1⁄2?
17:41How are you, 8 1⁄2?
17:42How am I?
17:44Terrible.
17:45I keep forgetting to duck every time the ball is returning.
17:48I've got a bump on the back of my head
17:49the size of a bowling ball.
17:52Wait a minute.
17:53That is a bowling ball.
17:57Do you have anything to report, 8 1⁄2?
18:01Yes.
18:01The manager tells me there's a man who bowls here
18:04that fits the description of your man almost perfectly.
18:06Same height, same weight.
18:08And he's left-handed.
18:09There's only one thing wrong.
18:10What's that?
18:11He's got a full head of hair.
18:13But the man we're looking for is ball-headed.
18:16Well, I said almost perfectly.
18:19Excuse me.
18:23All right, we'll check him out anyway.
18:24Is he here?
18:25Not yet.
18:26Yet.
18:27He comes here at 9 o'clock every night.
18:29It's almost 9 now.
18:30I hope he's not going to be late.
18:3286, I'd like to get out of here.
18:33It's Wednesday night, you know.
18:34Well, what's so important about Wednesday night?
18:36It's my bowling night.
18:39Smart.
18:41That must be him.
18:42The manager said when he showed up,
18:43he'd give him lane number one.
18:45It does look a lot like summer's, Max.
18:47Yes, except for the hair.
18:48Come on, 99.
18:49We better keep bowling before they get suspicious.
18:55Max, look.
19:00Should I do the same thing those other bowlers are doing
19:03just before they throw their bowls?
19:04What's that?
19:05Well, they put their fingers in the ball,
19:07and then they take them out,
19:08and they scratch their heads,
19:09and they put their fingers back in the ball again.
19:11They do?
19:12Watch them.
19:12See, and each of the men in the next four lanes
19:17is doing exactly the same thing
19:18before they bowl their balls.
19:21Well, either they're very superstitious,
19:23or they're allergic to something in the bowling ball.
19:25Max, look.
19:52Max, look.
19:52Max, look.
19:55Max, we'd better stop staring at him.
19:57If he is Summers, he's going to get suspicious.
19:59Right, 99.
20:00We'd better keep bowling.
20:03Summers is in lane number one.
20:06Chaos has sent word
20:07that he is to personally take the Morris diamond through.
20:10Attend to it.
20:11I beg your pardon.
20:32I believe you have my ball.
20:35Oh, sorry about that.
20:3699, he acted very strange,
20:40almost like he recognized me.
20:42Max!
20:44It's the Morris diamond.
20:45It must have been in the bowling ball.
20:4799, that's how Chaos is getting out the stolen diamonds.
20:50Well, that may be how they're getting the diamonds
20:51to their couriers,
20:52but how did they get them out of the country?
20:53I'll take that ring.
20:57I'm afraid not, Summers,
20:58because you see,
20:59at this very moment,
21:00control agent 8 1⁄2 has you covered.
21:02Okay, drop that gun.
21:09Perky, Summers is in trouble.
21:11Quick, put a ball in the return chute
21:13for lane number three.
21:19Smart?
21:20I forgot the duck again.
21:21No shooting will attack the police.
21:36Stop it!
21:39Stop it!
21:51Max, we're surrounded.
22:16I know that, 99.
22:17Let's go.
22:18Let's go.
22:22Everybody, stay right where you are.
22:23This is a government raid.
22:25But I have to see that nobody leaves.
22:26Right, Chief.
22:30Max, 99, where are you?
22:32Right over here, Chief.
22:36Oh, Chief, well, we're glad to see you.
22:39Well, when we couldn't reach 8 1⁄2,
22:40we knew something was wrong.
22:41Here you are, Chief.
22:42The Morris diamond.
22:44Where'd you get it, Max?
22:45It was in the bowling ball.
22:46That's the way Chaos got the diamonds
22:48to their couriers,
22:49who then smuggled them out of the country.
22:50But how?
22:51We've had all the docks and airports covered.
22:53Everyone was thoroughly searched.
22:55It's really quite simple, Chief.
22:57Larrabee, bring them in.
23:05All right, Ben.
23:06Off with your hair.
23:13You see, Chief,
23:14that's how they got them through customs.
23:15They hid them under their toupees.
23:17Max, how did you know that?
23:19Well, you see, 99,
23:20when I saw Summers lift his hand to his head
23:22the way the other bowlers did,
23:23I figured that if Summers was wearing a toupee,
23:25then the other bowlers were wearing toupees, too.
23:28Absolutely brilliant.
23:29Thank you, Chief.
23:30Oh, not you, Max.
23:31I mean, the way they smuggle the diamonds.
23:34Come on, 99.
23:35I think now is as good a time as any
23:36to pick out your engagement ring.
23:38Ready to do a little shopping?
23:40Oh.
23:40Oh, I like that.
23:41See anything you like?
23:50No, not yet.
23:51Oh, no, not yet.
23:52Oh, no, not yet.
23:53Oh, no, not yet.
23:53Oh, no, not yet.
23:54Oh, no, not yet.
23:55Oh, no, not yet.
23:55Oh, no, not yet.
23:55Oh, no, not yet.
23:56Oh, no, not yet.
23:56Oh, no, not yet.
23:57Oh, no, not yet.
23:57Oh, no, not yet.
23:58Oh, no, not yet.
23:59Oh, no, not yet.
24:00Oh, no, not yet.
24:01Oh, no, not yet.
24:02Oh, no, not yet.
24:03Oh, no, not yet.
24:04Oh, no, not yet.
24:05Oh, no, not yet.
24:06Oh, no, not yet.
24:07Oh, no, not yet.
24:08Oh, no, not yet.
24:09Oh, no, not yet.
24:10¡Gracias!
24:40¡Gracias!
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