- 3 months ago
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really? He'll be standing here.
00:02:14Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:00Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:23Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham.
00:07:01anything. I find it fantastically enjoyable. No, really. I really do. Some people don't.
00:07:13I do. Beryl, please take my word for it. Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures. Paul McCartney who? He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night. And please don't say Paul McCartney who. I sacrificed too much
00:07:28for your six old levels. You were terrific in the pictures. I never touched you. Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:58Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul. Not a dirty weekend. A disgusting one.
00:08:14Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable? It's not my fault. It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:41Oh, Sandra. It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14Like, how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say OK, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:36I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:42I'm meant to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:06Marry me.
00:11:08You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin!
00:11:28Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin! Martin
00:11:58instead.
00:12:17Ticket! I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:28I ain't!
00:12:30I ain't!
00:12:32I ain't!
00:12:34I ain't!
00:12:36I ain't!
00:12:38I ain't!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:13You can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Well, erm...
00:13:41No.
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any?
00:13:59I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, er...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:20Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27Ahem.
00:14:28Ahem.
00:14:29Ahem.
00:14:30Ahem.
00:14:31Ahem.
00:14:32Ahem.
00:14:33Ahem.
00:14:34Ahem.
00:14:35Ahem.
00:14:36Ahem.
00:14:37Ahem.
00:14:38Ahem.
00:14:39Ahem.
00:14:40Ahem.
00:14:41Ahem.
00:14:42Ahem.
00:14:44Ahem.
00:14:45Ahem.
00:14:46Pissing score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:493-1.
00:15:08Excuse me, if that's right.
00:15:10Excuse me, I...
00:15:18I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise. Surprise.
00:15:36Anywhere controversial? Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim. I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know...
00:15:50You know.
00:15:52Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:26No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:34You see...
00:16:36What I thought Kendall Saul was trying to do...
00:16:38By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:56He directed it.
00:16:58Oh, yes.
00:17:00Probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:18Like a person.
00:17:20Yeah.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:30A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:42No.
00:17:43Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:55No.
00:17:56Sex.
00:17:57Percy Filth?
00:17:59Sex.
00:18:00That's what I said.
00:18:02Oh.
00:18:03Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:05Not Percy Filth Motivator.
00:18:07No.
00:18:08No.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:12Ken Russell.
00:18:13Yeah.
00:18:14No.
00:18:15No.
00:18:16Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:17Ken Russell.
00:18:18Yeah.
00:18:19No.
00:18:20No.
00:18:21No.
00:18:22No.
00:18:23No.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25No.
00:18:26No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:50I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:18Oh, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:23Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:33Either nothing.
00:19:35Or something.
00:19:39Or everything.
00:19:41Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:45You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:56Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:58Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:59Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:03Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:04You'd have forgotten.
00:21:05Has there been any clips?
00:21:06Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:09What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:11You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:13Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:14Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:15Oh, these things.
00:21:16Everything.
00:21:17Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:18He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:20See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:21Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:22Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:23He's...
00:21:24Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:25has this theory that by implication... Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things. These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey? He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea... Bell, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:50His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this barrel bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What barrel bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums. Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:42I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:51Said he was no-one special.
00:22:56Have they got a phone here?
00:22:58Why?
00:23:00They haven't, have they?
00:23:02Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:14No.
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:32Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good morning.
00:24:09Chalton for Pope. Long may it rain.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:14What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travelers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So ŠŗŃŠ¾'s.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:32why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:02my timing not disturbing your singing i hope see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:20oh jeffrey that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy never promised i'm considering packing jeffrey in
00:25:38one date was enough why he's cancer and i'm libra is that bad hopeless
00:25:47actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:56five five which is which is three and two is five which is two less than seven
00:26:07which is i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza
00:26:16bank clocks your lot football supporters hippies
00:26:23oh my lot
00:26:27at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds
00:26:35it will be 7 22 and 50 seconds
00:26:41that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:48so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:52is that the speaking clock is that jeffrey is that beryl yes yes hi hi
00:27:06it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person fantastic
00:27:28i want to know all about you that's what it's all about
00:27:40for example with things in common already definitely
00:27:46is that what
00:27:50we're enormously fond of animals
00:27:53right
00:27:55and we're both from manchester
00:28:00have you ever been abroad
00:28:02no
00:28:04unless you count istanbul
00:28:06is that was it beyond belief i don't know i was only three
00:28:18do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:22i don't know
00:28:24sometimes
00:28:26i do
00:28:28what now
00:28:30no
00:28:32just just sometimes
00:28:34yes i do
00:28:36i do
00:28:38such a lot isn't there
00:28:40in getting to know a person
00:28:44hmm
00:28:50he was lithe and easy-limbed
00:28:52his stride quietly casual
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:02you know jeffrey
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin
00:29:10really
00:29:12you know lopsided
00:29:14i don't think i have
00:29:16it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:18see
00:29:22jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:26he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:30oh
00:29:32it must be marvelous being a man
00:29:34it's okay i suppose
00:29:36men can do anything
00:29:38conquer everest
00:29:40do heart transplants
00:29:42become leader of the opposition
00:29:44anything
00:29:54jeffrey no spells no
00:29:56it's good for your circulation beryl
00:29:58read any women's magazine
00:30:00it's good for theirs too
00:30:02i'm not sure they recommend percyfilth on tuesdays
00:30:04i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays
00:30:06all saturdays
00:30:08beryl
00:30:14oh beryl
00:30:16oh jeffrey bobble's bonbon
00:30:18oh beryl
00:30:20oh jeffrey
00:30:22oh beryl
00:30:24what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:26i just had a sharp bachaca of dramatic irony
00:30:28pardon
00:30:34come back
00:30:36they're better it's better i'm okay
00:30:38i told you
00:30:42i told you it's going to pour
00:30:44it's not
00:30:48urgh
00:30:52it's only the angels crying
00:30:56i know how they feel
00:30:58well don't blame me i haven't done anything
00:31:00that's true
00:31:02that's not true beryl
00:31:04i have apologized
00:31:06i keep going down on me knees when i'm talking to you
00:31:08independent observers think i'm training to be a cossack dancer
00:31:12it must be a bad line i can't hear you
00:31:14you better apologize again
00:31:16i apologize again
00:31:18gosh this lousy line
00:31:20i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:24i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:28pardon
00:31:30pardon
00:31:32is that who i think it is
00:31:34no dear
00:31:36well isn't this nice
00:31:50sardine sandwich
00:31:52is it all sardine?
00:31:54yeah
00:31:56she's got her own trawler
00:31:58isn't it awful
00:32:00what?
00:32:02i was speaking to jeffrey
00:32:04what's happening in the world
00:32:06i blame the politicians
00:32:08what for?
00:32:10for what's happening
00:32:12in the world
00:32:14talk to her
00:32:16i can't speak portuguese
00:32:18tasty
00:32:20very in oil
00:32:22nice in oil
00:32:24she's got a bad leg
00:32:30the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:32why after this little baker down the road he does something with the bleach
00:32:38yes
00:32:46i can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches
00:32:48your mind goes blank
00:32:54and start thinking about life after death
00:33:02oh that neville honestly
00:33:04number of hearts he must have broken
00:33:06every girl in manchester nearly
00:33:08jeffrey definitely has
00:33:10probably even more
00:33:12air hostesses
00:33:14all sorts
00:33:16all sorts
00:33:18tell me about your terrible past jeffrey
00:33:20i haven't had one yet
00:33:22white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:24actually i was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:30wow is that the time
00:33:34at this moment in time
00:33:36what have i done?
00:33:38is neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40right in the slightest
00:33:42you're lucky
00:33:44why is jeffrey?
00:33:45wow
00:33:47you're not jealous of all my ex-flames
00:33:49are you?
00:33:50course not
00:33:51why should i be?
00:33:52please stop interrogating me jeffrey
00:33:53forget it
00:33:56that's all in the past
00:33:59then nothing to be jealous about
00:34:03who needs drama?
00:34:07so i shouted back at her
00:34:08no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted
00:34:10in the end neville nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:13he thumped you
00:34:15he thumped you
00:34:16walloped you on
00:34:17no
00:34:19i said nearly
00:34:23you never thumped me will you?
00:34:25like neville does sandra
00:34:27she adores it
00:34:29of course not
00:34:31no
00:34:33jeffrey
00:34:35percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:37isn't even one of the things in mine
00:34:39you used to talk to me
00:34:40all right
00:34:41let's talk
00:34:46jeffrey i've just had the most super idea
00:34:48why is your mum going out?
00:34:53may as well pack in really
00:34:57why?
00:34:59why not?
00:35:03good thinking
00:35:10thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:12you too it was real
00:35:14psychedelic
00:35:16you can keep me grateful dead lp
00:35:17was scratched anyway
00:35:19it's been a gasp
00:35:21groovy
00:35:23i won't wave from the window
00:35:25no
00:35:26i won't look back anyway
00:35:27good
00:35:29it's been a gasp
00:35:30you've said that once
00:35:40you're well red barrel
00:35:41there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:45about three very lonely sardines
00:35:48mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me
00:35:53you know you can't do it
00:36:01you'll never thorn me will you jeffrey
00:36:03ow!
00:36:05beryl
00:36:06i've just had the most super idea
00:36:08are we going to put it up?
00:36:09no
00:36:10we're going to pack it in
00:36:11don't say that
00:36:12please don't say that
00:36:13that
00:36:15Sandra
00:36:17Sandra
00:36:18you're Sandra
00:36:20mine
00:36:23two months
00:36:25two months nine days
00:36:29is she positive?
00:36:30the test was
00:36:32what are you going to do?
00:36:34she'll think of something
00:36:36Sandra it's stupendous
00:36:40congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:42oh thanks kid
00:36:45Sandra i don't know how you do it
00:36:48often
00:37:12I'm sorry
00:37:14Hold on
00:37:16first
00:37:18you know
00:37:20you know
00:37:21you know
00:37:22do
00:37:25there's not going to go
00:37:27there's not going to go
00:37:28it's not going to go
00:37:30you know
00:37:32there's not going to go
00:37:34there's no one
00:37:36no
00:37:38you know
00:37:39John for Pope, among my reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware
00:38:37and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30Well, I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Mmm, please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm, smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:55What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Steven.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought,
00:41:40just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle.
00:41:52However gorgeous.
00:41:54Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:42:19Testing.
00:42:20Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Millehap returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:45Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No.
00:42:55They just mark it.
00:42:57Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:09Well, uh...
00:43:13This is your uncle, Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy,
00:43:30little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:56in these testes
00:43:57that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus
00:44:01that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilizes
00:44:08with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway,
00:44:12that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies
00:44:23at certain times of the year.
00:44:25But animals,
00:44:25like dogs and cats,
00:44:27and giraffes, I think,
00:44:28do it all the time.
00:44:30N-no,
00:44:32um,
00:44:33that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well,
00:44:39people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class,
00:44:51you can do metalwork
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica!
00:45:36Yes?
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:43Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:11I'm not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44Well, we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:53Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Hang me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:06Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:30It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:01Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42What's a beautiful bag, baby?
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Mine?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:02But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:24What's that?
00:54:25What's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinova.
00:54:43What's that like?
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:13Honestly, I'm right, I'll turn it over.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51Perfect girl.
00:57:52Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:14Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23Yes.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:24I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:28I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:33Oh, sorry.
00:58:34Do you know what, Beryl?
00:58:34She can ask me anything.
00:58:35Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:36Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:37He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:37Oh, I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:38Oh, sorry.
00:58:39Do you know what, Beryl?
00:58:40She can ask me anything.
00:58:41Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:43He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:45She can ask me anything.
00:58:47Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:48He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh!
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24We'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:51Geoffrey?
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:39It wasn't long.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:02Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:02Good morning.
01:02:03Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:04I don't either.
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17I don't either.
01:02:32Get out of here.
01:02:46Um.
01:02:54Get out of here.
01:02:55Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:47Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Will.
01:04:21Honey, can you have an apple?
01:04:22Until next time, it's an old world.
01:04:23It's an old world.
01:04:24I'll do it.
01:04:25It's an old world.
01:04:26Big.
01:04:27Big.
01:04:28Big.
01:04:29Big.
01:04:30Big.
01:04:31Big.
01:04:32Big.
01:04:33Big.
01:04:34Big.
01:04:35Big.
01:04:37Big.
01:04:38Big.
01:04:39Big.
01:04:40Big.
01:04:41Big.
01:04:42Big.
01:04:43Big.
01:04:44Big.
01:04:45Big.
01:04:46Big.
01:04:48A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home.
01:06:24The won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:29So what do you think?
01:06:30I think I nearly love you.
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42they'll be playing.
01:06:43I think I'm going to be playing.
01:06:46Yeah.
01:06:47I think I have to dance, mate.
01:06:49How are they playing?
01:06:50I think I really love you.
01:06:51And I'm going to be playing?
01:06:52And I'm going to be playing with my little sex.
01:06:54Yeah.
01:06:55I'm going to be playing with my little sex.
01:06:56Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26I'll read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:33Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:41Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Can I tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it if I said to you do you think
01:09:23Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're
01:09:27happily married I don't think so Beryl would giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say that I
01:09:40haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship with
01:09:50another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically I never said you were you
01:09:54think it all right Geoffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at
01:10:51hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:07oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's yours Sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if God had meant sardines
01:11:23to be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried to
01:11:37find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what I know spells and how many of us
01:11:42school pals are getting married and what I know spells and what I know spells great I might as well
01:11:50go bold and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now
01:11:59good night area good one day terrific especially when he said good night we're just enjoying ourselves
01:12:10having a good time just having fun being happy I take two a day after meals and one if you find
01:12:20yourself crying hard out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look Beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark then we'll both be happy right right good Jesus Christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you're going
01:13:11Jeffrey I'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22I keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:36what
01:13:37had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit I can remember is and that's what I think
01:13:50last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56grace who
01:13:57she was playing for United as well
01:13:59weird isn't it
01:14:01the main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:15so what face do I want to
01:14:25see what I think
01:14:25go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:28no mine wasn't
01:14:31Beryl
01:14:42are you happy
01:14:48of course
01:14:49very
01:14:51I am
01:14:54no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:14:58no
01:15:01I'm not
01:15:04do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:10probably
01:15:17not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words
01:15:22mostly in words to that effect
01:15:24is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:40no
01:15:42I don't think so
01:15:43honestly no
01:15:44nothing
01:15:46if there is
01:15:47you just tell me and I'll stop doing it
01:15:49there isn't anything
01:15:49honest
01:15:50good
01:15:51it wouldn't upset me
01:15:55it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:15:58like
01:16:04you know
01:16:05crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:08well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks Beryl
01:16:13if I did I'd stop
01:16:14to please you
01:16:16I see
01:16:20there's no need to be sensitive Geoffrey
01:16:27in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:31your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34I like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk Geoffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:40well you ought to know
01:16:43you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridgette Bardot
01:16:50according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:05I am
01:17:05start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl you do I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:20the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about
01:17:37that's really lovable
01:17:38I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:45used to say dig before I met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:01there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:30I think so
01:18:34we just don't like each other
01:18:37at all
01:18:39oh goodbye then
01:18:52good luck
01:18:54peace man
01:18:56Saint Anne Square
01:19:01Saint Anne Square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot
01:19:15two matinee coats
01:19:17two romper suits
01:19:19and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:25wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:27oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:31no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:34oh sorry
01:19:36what about
01:19:38skip it
01:19:39about time too
01:19:41with her sympathy
01:19:42not that I need any actually
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:46but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if I'm looking miserable Sandra
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:00how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03ace
01:20:09she used to wear pink you know
01:20:12I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:19wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk Jeffrey
01:20:26I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it
01:20:31hmm
01:20:33sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well Sandra
01:20:37this is it
01:20:39yep
01:20:40the big day
01:20:41yep
01:20:42coming to the crutch
01:20:44crunch
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again
01:20:49you mustn't think I'll be crying inside
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that I am
01:20:57because I shan't
01:20:59truly
01:21:00Sandra please
01:21:03you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:20fine
01:21:21is this fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:23about there lovely
01:21:24you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow
01:21:28official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30ow
01:21:33oh sorry
01:21:35that's right
01:21:36hold it
01:21:37lovely
01:21:39thank you
01:21:40right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43right
01:21:43funny
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met
01:21:47how have you been
01:21:49absolutely great
01:21:51you
01:21:52never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:54it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:00it's tuna fish
01:22:03it's life
01:22:05see president Nick
01:22:13somewhere to China then
01:22:14that was before we ever met
01:22:16why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:33why is he going
01:22:35no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12aw
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:17good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:22still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:35for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bit
01:23:47and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well
01:24:13we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16oh
01:24:21oh
01:24:22hello
01:24:23goodbye
01:24:25how
01:24:27hello
01:24:29hello
01:24:30hello
01:24:32hello
01:24:37hello
01:24:39hello
01:24:39hello
01:24:41hello
01:24:42hello
01:24:43hello
01:24:44pƔgina
01:24:45hello
01:24:46Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then? I don't know.
01:26:01I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:28Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:07We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:11Anyone, really.
01:27:13Anyone.
01:27:14There's millions to choose from.
01:27:16All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:20You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:22Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:25Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:29We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:31Anyone, really.
01:27:36There's millions to choose from.
01:27:38All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:42someone, Geoffrey. You will, Beryl. Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:21Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:13Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:15Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:17Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:19Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:21Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:23Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:25Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:29Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:31Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:33Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:35Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:37Picking one out of the crowd.
01:29:39Picking one out of the crowd.
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