- 2 months ago
It is Halloween. After losing the "Spot the Balls" competition and being visited by trick or treaters, Richie and Eddie decide to put on their own Halloween party, where they go off trick or treating. Richie is dressed up as a devil and Eddie is dressed up as a banana, armed with an electric cattle prod, they go to get some money for beer.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00.
00:30here it is here it is it's arrived what it's arrived fantastic thank heavens for that it gets
00:47so hot in the kitchen here we are spot the ball competition page 13 and the winner is yes yes yes
00:58mr. T Venables Wembley Stadium London bastard he wins every week you know I think he might be the
01:08photographer look look look look his balls have got to be there they're underneath his shorts I
01:16drew him in both of them they can't be over there in the goal mass unless it's a ladies match no no
01:24it's just a perm oh well that's another 25 quids worth of postal orders down the swally I wonder
01:31if they mean the football Richie well don't be stupid that could be anywhere I mean use your
01:43hair daddy I mean honestly if I wasn't here where would you be in the pub no no no I mean mentally
01:51where would you be inside Maria Whittaker's bra nice venue can I tag along you haven't got that bus
02:01fair mate just lost all your money on the spot the balls competition oh yeah oh yeah that's right
02:07I knew I was pissed off about something good right back on track I'm depressed good thanks Eddie I feel
02:12great now oh shit now I'm supposed to be depressed are you trapped Eddie everything's just gone to
02:17bollocks I don't know where I am now and it's only half past eight in the morning oh I'll never mind
02:25about all that how's your sausage it's a bit personal isn't it oh you mean my sausage yes you're asking me
02:38about my sausage sausage yes not my penis oh thank heavens for that well what can I tell you Eddie it's
02:46an absolute disaster I just can't get the hang of this cooking lark I mean you put the sausage in the pan
02:52you set it on fire and what happens it gets incinerated well maybe we should eat our flakes
02:59see what you mean I think I'm getting double entendre disease can I drink your juice
03:11oh oh yes yes of course go ahead huh I think I'm going mad this morning
03:22someone's giving our knocker a damn good bank I'd better go and see who it is
03:30righty-ho I'll grab a hold of my sausage and give it a good seeing to
03:34Ritchie there's three small devils at the front door it's just the drinking Eddie you've got the
03:45DTs come back in and have a resolve they're not there trick or treat mister what trick or treat you
03:52what do you mean I mean give some sweets what kind of setup is this I can't give you sweets I'll get
04:03arrested where's the camera give me what to let weirdo
04:11ah he's got to stop the drinking right here we are seven eggs washing up liquid
04:19hint of domestics Jeff micro liquid where are you
04:28and spray
04:34violent hallucination I've ever had bloody hell Eddie yeah you better get this down yeah
04:51up the nose or not at all
05:02this is gonna bloody well work
05:15god if only we'd known it was halloween we could have made absolute fortune
05:24Eddie yeah why are you dressed as a banana they didn't have any pumpkin outfits left give me
05:44straight well you'll just have to make pumpkin noises all right
05:46all right all right you'll just have to be mute what a mute pumpkin or a mute banana
05:53shut up shut up shut up doesn't matter forget about all that now this is the plan okay Richie
05:59and Eddie's big Halloween party plenty of booze and jugged up babes shaggy shaggy shag that's
06:05about it really what do you think legendary awesome fiendish all right all right go easy on the
06:12praise I don't want to rip me tights right there's only one snag zero cash hence the great outfits
06:18now this is the plan right you go out you go to the front door you ring the bell yeah they answer
06:24the bell you say trick or treat I thought I was mute all right all right well just on this one
06:32occasion you can be a talking Halloween banana okie dokie what do I say you say trick or treat just cash
06:40no sweets never give us any trouble at all I give them a quick blast with the electric cattle prawn
06:45where is it by the way here it is I say Eddie that looks the business does it work what yes indeedy
07:02right how do you switch it on it's just that little lever there this one here
07:08right well that's it decision made I'll have to wear the green tights now
07:23wear the green tights now what a sweet old lady well she was once we'd softened her up with the
07:31cricket bat yes still ony swaki malli pawns whatever that means exactly plus we made a couple of apples
07:38out of it yeah now why have they got razor blades in them it's a sort of Halloween tradition oh look
07:45here we are chief manga suitor but a lazy cul-de-sac this is where we clean up oh it's a great night
07:53for it isn't it yeah it's a pity we're out trick-or-treating it's great the way I never listen to anything
07:59you say that's what's keeping my morale up you know really I thought you just got your tights on
08:03the wrong way around let's go whoa crikey Mikey call your bum Richie it's those kids that did me
08:12over this morning they're just a couple of little kids I reckon we could get a win out of this one
08:21come on yeah all for one and one for all you go first I've got a bad leg right okay
08:33it's going very well
08:44it's going very well
08:44I'm watching
08:45how much should we get 20p off the incontinent girl
08:55five-box of manibur off the banana
08:57not bad not bad
09:00Yeah, let that be a lesson to you.
09:07Yeah, they'll think twice before they attack us again.
09:09Yeah, well, they know we haven't got any money left now, don't they?
09:12Little bastards!
09:14Did you see me join the fight, Eddie?
09:16Did you see me hitting that really little one?
09:18No.
09:19Didn't you?
09:20Oh, well, never mind.
09:21I'll make up a great story about it later and tell it to you when you're drunk.
09:23That'll work.
09:24Right, come on, on to our next victory.
09:26Here we go.
09:27Right.
09:28Ring the bell.
09:31Yeah?
09:32Oh, hello, Eddie.
09:34Hello, Spudgun.
09:35Yeah, hello, Richard.
09:36Yes, yes, yes, hello.
09:38Are we going to do this or not?
09:40But it's Spudgun.
09:41Just say it to him, Eddie.
09:45Trick or treat.
09:46What does that mean?
09:47It means you give us some cash.
09:49No sweets, no credit cards.
09:50Why?
09:51Because it's the end of October.
09:54I don't understand.
09:55Look, we haven't got all night.
09:57We've got the whole street to do.
10:01Now, I've got my tights on.
10:02Eddie's wearing a banana.
10:03Now, just give us some cash.
10:05Are you on drugs?
10:07Can I have some?
10:09What?
10:09Zero, zero.
10:10We don't seem to be getting through, do we?
10:15Eddie?
10:16Yeah?
10:17Where's the cattle prod?
10:19Well, here it is.
10:21Right.
10:22Give it to me.
10:24Thank you, Mum.
10:25I said give it to me!
10:27Right-o.
10:28What?
10:32Give it to me.
10:39Bear with me.
10:43That's not how we rehearsed her, you know.
10:45See, what I want to know is, why when you say, trick or treat, he has to foul himself?
10:57Well, I think it may be a deep subconscious desire to amuse.
11:07She's back.
11:10Right, here we are.
11:11Now, it's got to work this time, because I'm down to my last pair of tights.
11:13That's right.
11:14I knew I should have bought the bumper pack.
11:16Right.
11:17Eddie, hand me.
11:18Hand?
11:19Hand!
11:20Hand me the cattle prod.
11:22Right.
11:22Come on, you.
11:23Let's get on with it.
11:23Let's do it properly.
11:24In, in, in, in, in.
11:25Right.
11:26You go indoors.
11:26Close the door.
11:27I ring the bell.
11:28Open the door.
11:29I say trick or treat, and you give me the cash.
11:30All right.
11:30I'm still not sure what it is.
11:31Oh, just get on with it, you great bat of tripping.
11:35Close the door.
11:37Oh!
11:37Right.
11:43Trick or ruddy treat.
11:45I thought that was my life.
11:47What?
11:48Oh, God.
11:49Oh, let me be an eight-year-old.
11:50Look.
11:51Are you going to give us some money or not?
11:53No.
11:54Right.
11:55That's it.
11:55Eddie, Eddie, put this bloody thing on.
11:57I miss that little lever there.
11:58Right.
11:58Eddie, you know this is my last pair of tights, don't you?
12:18Yeah, well, come on.
12:19Let's go this way.
12:20As long as we head into the wind, we'll be all right.
12:23Eddie, if any of this ever gets out, I, no, they're not bats.
12:29Come on, I've got to go home.
12:31What do you mean?
12:32We've only made half a curly-wurdy, two apples full of razor-blazing four summonses.
12:37That's not enough for a party, is it?
12:39You're having a party?
12:40Yeah.
12:41Can I come?
12:42Uh, yes, yes, that's right, we're having a party, but everyone's got to chip in a bit for
12:45the beer money.
12:46How much?
12:47Five grand.
12:50It's a bit steep.
12:51Well, how much have you got?
12:53Two pound fifty.
12:54You're in?
12:54And bring all your friends as well, and they've all got to chip in the beer money as well.
12:57Two pound fifty.
12:59Come on, Eddie.
13:00We're going to make a fortune out of this.
13:02Let's go and find a supermarket trolley.
13:03You can wheel me home.
13:05Oh, God.
13:06Bloody cattle prod.
13:09I don't know how these cattle get about.
13:12I tell you, it's no wonder they all live in the country.
13:14I can't see anymore.
13:17Come on, if I go in front.
13:18Hey, how's the homebrew coming along?
13:28Well, it's only been on a go for 45 minutes, so it must be nearly ready.
13:33Not bad.
13:37Not bad.
13:39Is that bitter or lager?
13:41It's hard to tell, but it's taking the enamel off the bath.
13:44Oh, that reminds me.
13:45Have you hollowed out your pumpkins?
13:47I beg your pardon?
13:49Oh, oh, oh.
13:51You mean the vegetable?
13:52Yeah.
13:52I'm afraid they didn't have any pumpkins left.
13:54They only had carrots.
13:55Oh.
13:56Well, have you hollowed them out, you know, made them all shit your pants scary?
13:59Yes, indeedy.
14:07He's got it.
14:11Hemper.
14:13Yep.
14:14It's not terribly scary, is it, Eddie?
14:16Ah, ah, ah.
14:17Light the taper, Richie.
14:20Ooh.
14:20No, you don't.
14:21Ah, ah, ah, ah.
14:22Not too close to the homebrew.
14:24Right.
14:24It's a little on the volatile side.
14:27Here we go.
14:29Ah-ha-ha.
14:33Here it goes.
14:36Um, I'd stand back if I were you.
14:38Oh, right-o.
14:40Ah!
14:43Bloody brilliant, Eddie!
14:47Yeah.
14:48Hey, you got any more?
14:49May we, Mum Brav?
14:52What?
14:53Certains, Mum, Mon General.
14:56Oh, Christ, he's gone all Welsh on me again.
14:59Have you got any more exploding carrots?
15:03Why, certainly, monsieur.
15:06Bloody hell, Eddie.
15:08Great.
15:08Right, well, I've just got to finish my Sprouts Mexicane and we're all set.
15:13Sprouts Mexicane?
15:14Sprouts Mexicane.
15:18What's that?
15:19Well, it's, er, Sprouts.
15:21Pinch of chilli powder.
15:22Jar of curry powder.
15:24Hint of Tabasco sauce.
15:26Well, three bottles, actually.
15:27Not so much a hint, more of a party political broadcast.
15:30And the secret ingredient?
15:31Gunpowder.
15:34Sprouts?
15:35Yeah.
15:36They were left over from last Christmas.
15:37Da-da-da-da.
15:38Da-da.
15:41But it's October!
15:42Yes, yes, yes, I know.
15:44They were a bit frisky.
15:47But the spices will cover any embarrassment.
15:51They must be ready.
15:54Oh, yeah.
15:55There they are.
15:57Pfft!
16:00Fancy a taste, Eddie?
16:01I would rather cut off my penis with a rusty bread knife.
16:06Who?
16:06Hark at Egon Roney.
16:08I'm not scared.
16:09Watch this.
16:10What time is it?
16:28What place of man?
16:32Eddie!
16:33How long was I out?
16:35About an hour and a half.
16:37What?
16:38Crikey, look at the time.
16:40They'll be here in a minute.
16:41Look.
16:42Here it comes.
16:43Here it comes.
16:44And...
16:45Must get that clock fixed.
16:50Oh, here they are!
16:51I'll go and answer the door.
16:57Strange.
16:59What's that?
17:02Very warm in here, isn't it?
17:04Right, I'll answer the door.
17:06Man the ticket booth, Eddie.
17:08Do you think I should have a cap or something to show my authority?
17:11No, I'll just give them one of my looks.
17:14And a broken one and welcome all!
17:18Oh, Christ!
17:19Dave Hedgehog and Spud Gun.
17:22I thought I told you to bring all your friends.
17:24Well, we only know, Eddie, and we thought he'd be here anyway.
17:27Come on, £2.50.
17:28I've only got eight pence.
17:30What?
17:32Well, I can't do the maths, but that means you've only stayed for 45 seconds.
17:35Come on, in.
17:36In!
17:37Ow!
17:38Double!
17:38In!
17:39Oh!
17:42Anybody else want to come?
17:45Dad!
17:48Oh, hello, Eddie.
17:49Hi, boys.
17:51Well, this is the devil's brew.
17:53What?
17:53You didn't bring any lead tankers with you, did you?
17:56All the cups keep dissolving.
17:58Come on.
17:59All right, we'll have to use the pads, then.
18:01There you go.
18:01Help yourself.
18:04Mmm.
18:05Oh, cheers.
18:06Cheers.
18:08Oh, cheeky little nut butt.
18:13Yes, it has a certain robustness that demands attention.
18:18Possibly medical.
18:19Well, welcome to the shag-a-thon.
18:25Who's first for the snog, then?
18:27God, dear, oh, dear.
18:29You'd think on Halloween of all nights I might be able to get a bit of a feel up at least.
18:33Oh, God, who'd be a Christian?
18:36I mean, I've only got to sell my soul to the devil, and I could get 25 years of amazing sex and cash.
18:43Richie, you'd be lucky to get 25p.
18:48That's it.
18:50It's perfect.
18:51I'm going to raise the devil.
19:00I mean, in actual fact, I haven't been to church for years, and when I did go, I found it rather boring.
19:07Oh, yeah?
19:08And what are you going to do if he gets here?
19:10Well, we'll do something satanic and devil-y, won't we?
19:12What, like trick-or-treating?
19:15No, like...
19:16Watching Emmerdale.
19:17Yeah, watch that.
19:18No, no, taking him down a pub.
19:21No, no, no, it's got to be something supremely evil.
19:25What, like blowing off in a phone booth and running away?
19:30Yes, yes, that's much more the feel.
19:32Well, what does the devil drink?
19:34It's blood, isn't it?
19:35Yeah, virgin's blood.
19:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:46It's virgin girl's blood.
19:47Oh, yeah, good, sorted, sorted.
19:53Right, so, anyone know any virgin girls?
19:55No.
19:56Huh.
19:56Anyone know any girls?
19:57No.
19:59No, come on, Eddie, what about Ethel Cardew, your paramour?
20:02She is neither a virgin nor, technically speaking, a girl.
20:07Besides, she hasn't been speaking to me since the superglue incident.
20:10She hasn't been speaking to anyone much, actually.
20:12No, shut up, Eddie, shut up, shut up.
20:16This is a bloody good idea.
20:18All we've got to do is find out the secret incantation,
20:21raise him up, swing the deal and bobs your uncle.
20:23I'll be shagging by half past two.
20:25Eddie, you make a pen tangle,
20:27I'll nip upstairs and look up at the secret devil-raising incantation
20:30in my ladybird book of witches.
20:31Come on, look lively, I'll buy you all a drink after me first shag.
20:40Anyone got any pens?
20:43I've got a pencil.
20:45It'll have to be a pencil tangle, then.
20:47Oh, come on, you lot, put your backs into it.
20:58You're supposed to be devil worshippers.
20:59Sound like you're watching QPR.
21:01Hey, careful!
21:02All right, all right, but come on,
21:03you can raise a Nazi rection, let alone the Prince of Darkness.
21:07Now, come on, put your backs into it.
21:08Oh!
21:11Oh, blimey!
21:12Oh, blimey, right, Eddie!
21:17Oh!
21:18Eddie!
21:20What is it?
21:22Have you got the chalice?
21:24No, it's just the way me dressing gown's wrapped around me waist.
21:29Oh, blimey.
21:29Why don't we have to wear dressing gowns anyway?
21:31We look stupid.
21:32They're not dressing gowns, anus, they're cowls.
21:36Come here, what kind of devil worshippers are you?
21:38The ones that don't like wearing dressing gowns.
21:40Do we get slippers?
21:42You don't wear slippers when you're raising the evil one.
21:45Oh, never mind, I'll go and get the chalice meself.
21:47Oh, no, I'll go, I'll go.
21:49No, no, no, don't bother yourself, I'll get it.
21:51But don't expect to get any spare off me
21:53when I've got 17 birds all bouncing up and down on top of me non-stop.
22:00Right, here we go.
22:04Oh!
22:07Oh!
22:07Oh, mighty ones.
22:12Oh, blimey.
22:13We ask you to come up from, er...
22:18Come up.
22:19From, er, you know, wherever it is.
22:22Wherever.
22:23Well, unless someone else has called you up this evening, er...
22:26Oh, no, no.
22:26In which case, come across from there.
22:28Come across.
22:29Instead of coming up from there,
22:31we show our dedication to your cause...
22:34Oh, blimey.
22:35...by eating...
22:36The Sprouts of Evil!
22:38Oh!
22:39Oh!
22:40Oh!
22:40Oh!
22:41Oh!
22:42Oh!
22:43Oh!
22:44Oh!
22:45Spadgar!
22:46Very, deary.
22:47Oh!
22:48Oh!
22:49Dave Hedgehog!
22:50Oh!
22:51Oh!
22:52Oh!
22:53Oh!
22:54Oh!
22:55Oh!
22:56Absolutely not!
22:57Oh!
22:58Oh!
22:59Oh!
23:00Oh!
23:01And finally!
23:02Oh!
23:03Oh!
23:04Oh!
23:05Oh, blimey, here goes.
23:06Oh!
23:07Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:09Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:12Oh!
23:13Oh!
23:14Oh!
23:15Oh!
23:16Where am I?
23:30I think we're in Kuwait.
23:36Are we in hell?
23:40No.
23:41No, it's worse.
23:42We're still in the flat.
23:44Well, where's the devil, then?
23:46Well, he'll be turning up at midnight, won't he?
23:48Why does he always come out at midnight?
23:51Well, it's chucking out time, isn't it?
23:53Look, look!
23:55Regard the clock!
23:57Here it comes!
23:58Here it comes!
24:02Bloody clock!
24:03That'll be him!
24:18Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:20Hey!
24:20Hey!
24:20Hey!
24:20Hey!
24:20Speak of the devil!
24:21Hey!
24:22Hey!
24:23Hey!
24:23Hey!
24:24Hey!
24:24Hey!
24:25Hey!
24:26Hey!
24:26Hey!
24:27Hey!
24:28Hey!
24:28Hey!
24:29Hey!
24:30This is the big one, all right? This is Mr Scary Pants.
24:34Oh, God, just think. In 25 years, I'll probably have no knob left from overuse.
24:39So, what's new?
24:41Right, I'll go and let him in. Best behaviour, everyone.
24:44Well, no, no, no, no. Worst behaviour, actually.
24:47Start swearing and picking your noses and stuff.
24:50Right, you're the one I'd like to get Guy Fawkes bottom.
24:52Good evening. Oh, great one.
25:05Hello. I'm looking for little Dave Hedgehog.
25:08What?
25:10Dave Hedgehog.
25:12Oh, he's, uh...
25:14He's residing within the drawing room, your blackness.
25:19Would you like to come through?
25:21Hello. Oh, did you have a nice journey up?
25:24Can I get you a glass of sherry?
25:26Oh, oh, oh, oh.
25:28Oh.
25:29Uh, that's very rich.
25:31Oh, well done, acolytes.
25:33You've got it looking all nice and homely for his naughtiness.
25:36Put that out, you arsehead. We still owe on that.
25:39Oh, look at me. What am I thinking of?
25:43Uh, oh, great mighty evilness smell.
25:47Uh, these are my acolytes.
25:51Don't have the sprouts.
25:54Great. I mean, I've only just put that out.
25:57And, uh, acolytes, this is, uh...
26:00I'm sorry, how do you like to be called?
26:04Doreen.
26:05This is Doreen.
26:08There's evil.
26:09Look, I've come for Dave Hedgehog. Is he here?
26:12Yeah, he's hiding behind the homebrew.
26:15Dave! Nemesis!
26:17Ah!
26:17That's me!
26:19I'm damned!
26:21I didn't even want to come to a party!
26:23Oh, please, bright damn you!
26:26Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
26:27All right, thank you.
26:28Uh, ahem.
26:30Ahem.
26:31Ah-ha-ha.
26:32Now, there is just one bit of outstanding business, if I could just prey on your time for a little longer.
26:38What?
26:39Eddie, get him a drink of blood. Use your own. It's 90% proof.
26:42Okie dokie!
26:42Right, so if we could sort of shut this deal down now, what I'm looking for is a sort of 25-year full-on sort of sex session,
26:52obviously with lots of cash and other comforts, in return for my earthly soul.
26:58Sorry. Clench, everyone. Sorry. Try not to set fire to the evil one.
27:04Eddie! Don't sneeze!
27:05Ah-ha-ha!
27:06Well, there goes the conservatory.
27:14Ah, sorry, Hedgehog. I've got a bit of a happy head cold.
27:18Look, I think you've made a big mistake here.
27:21Yes, I know. I think I lent a little too heavily on the curry powder.
27:23No, Mum sent me round, because she doesn't like Dad staying round the loonies' house after midnight.
27:29What?
27:29Look, I'm Doreen Hedgehog.
27:36What?
27:39Just giving you a drink, Mrs. Neville!
27:43Oh, hello, Doreen!
27:44Hello, Dad.
27:45I didn't know you were the devil.
27:47Neither did I.
27:48Well, that's handy. In that case, you got any tips for the free photo of your tab, sir?
27:51Can we have Clench now?
27:53Yes, yes. It's only Doreen.
27:57That's better.
27:58Look, I don't want to panic anyone, but I'm rapidly losing consciousness.
28:03Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:06No, Spugger, no! Mine is strongbox full of exploding carrots!
28:09What?
28:09Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:12Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:14Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:15Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:16Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:17Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:18Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:19Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:20Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:21Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:22Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:23Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:24Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:25Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:26Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:27Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:28Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:30Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:32Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
28:33Oh, Christ, here comes another one.
Recommended
29:14
|
Up next
28:00
28:54
29:01
29:12
28:53
23:50
5:21
50:26
1:05
Be the first to comment