Crown Court - ''An Upward Fall'' (1977) P1-P3 HD - Michael Jayston, Raymond Huntley, Anton Rodgers - video Dailymotion

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(3 parts). HD. An unusually hilarious, absurd, fictional case (written by absurdist playwright N.F. Simpson), in 3 parts, with Michael Jayston, Anton Rodgers, Raymond Huntley, Richard Wordsworth, Denis Lill, John Leeson, June Brown, Sydney Bromley, J.G. Devlin, Gwen Nelson. Directed by Darrol Blake.   In this bizarre case Cosmic Planning Consultants are suing another company. for label. The latter accused the former of irresponsibility in building an old people's home at the top of a Himalayan mountain with the toilets sited three thousand feet below. The plaintiffs insist their unusual choice of location was the right one and they have been unfairly maligned.

Transcript

00:00:00You're about to see edited highlights from one of the lengthiest and most complex cases in legal history.

00:00:17Everything about it is highly fictitious, and the proceedings are not all that legally accurate.

00:00:22The characters in it are played by actors, and the jury is made up of people who've expressed their willingness to arrive impartially

00:00:28at whatever verdict may be required of them.

00:00:31The case concerns a libel action brought by cosmic planning consultants against the Rosenberg Research Foundation,

00:00:37and counsel for the former is now opening his case.

00:00:44I'm here for the plaintiffs, my lad, and my friend Mr Keith Saunders is counsel for the defendants.

00:00:52I propose first to outline the facts of the case, which is in essence a simple one,

00:00:58turning on the fact that a building on the edge of a steep escarpment, in the Cairngorms,

00:01:05some 3,000 feet or so above sea level, was in 1975 turned into an old people's home with the usual facilities.

00:01:14Of these facilities, it is with the lavatories that we are principally concerned,

00:01:21in that these were placed at the foot of the escarpment, 3,000 feet below the old people's home they were intended to serve.

00:01:27It was my clients, who were acting as consultants in the matter, and who are bringing this action against the defendants,

00:01:34in respect of a libel contained in a letter, and later in a newspaper interview.

00:01:39If I might crave the indulgence of the court at this stage, my lad, I would like to go over briefly the background of the situation.

00:01:47Certainly facts are not in dispute between us.

00:01:50The original name of the building, which underwent conversion in 1975 to an old people's home, was Bellamy's Folly.

00:02:00An edifice constructed in the early years of this century by one Horace Bellamy as a left luggage office.

00:02:08It was intended as the first of a chain of left luggage offices, encircling the globe and enabling those with heavy luggage and finding themselves at the top of some mountain or other,

00:02:19to have somewhere to deposit the luggage while they themselves admired the view and ate their sandwiches.

00:02:27It was a bold concept, but one which was, in the event, doomed to be stillborn.

00:02:35The harsh facts were, that people, people could not be persuaded to take their luggage to the top of an escarpment in the cairngorms,

00:02:45or in anything like sufficient numbers, to justify the considerable expense of maintaining it there.

00:02:51The building, accordingly, fell into disuse, remained empty for some time, becoming known as Bellamy's Folly.

00:03:01He himself, embittered by what he thought of as unfair competition from the left luggage offices in the mainline termini,

00:03:10which had at that time gained a stranglehold in the left luggage business,

00:03:15finally committed suicide by casting himself down from the withdrawals counter, or what had been the withdrawals counter,

00:03:23to the foot of the escarpment 3,000 feet below, hitting the ground by a curious coincidence

00:03:30at the very spot where the lavages were to be built over 50 years later.

00:03:36In the people's home, to which reference has already been made.

00:03:40Did you say competition for the mainline railway terminiere?

00:03:44That is thought to have been in his mind, my lord.

00:03:47Is it being suggested that someone at the top of the Matterhorn, or of Everest, since that was in his mind eventually,

00:03:53would go to the trouble of making a dissenter of 10,000 to 20,000 feet, with a heavy suitcase in either hand,

00:04:01in order then to travel perhaps several thousand miles of a stuffy and uncomfortable train,

00:04:06with no other purpose but to deposit his suitcases at Euston Station,

00:04:12possibly meeting surly in off-hand treatment when he got there?

00:04:15No, it seems a few people were making the original journey, my lord, from Euston to the top of the Cairngorms or wherever.

00:04:21Well, what inducements were offered them?

00:04:23Well, it was thought that the challenge itself would be a sufficient inducement, my lord.

00:04:28That is the plaintiff's case, my lord, and I will now call my evidence.

00:04:32Call Kenneth James Hoist-Petard.

00:04:35Council for the plaintiffs has called the head of the Rosenberg Research Foundation to the witness box.

00:04:45It will be his purpose to show that there were sound reasons for the publishing of the allegedly libelous words.

00:04:53Bellamy's folly, as we must continue to call it, was intended to be very much the showpiece, was it not?

00:05:00As the first in the line of similar homes for the aged, in other high spots elsewhere in the world.

00:05:06It was, yes.

00:05:08It was, indeed, received with considerable acclaim in the press and elsewhere.

00:05:13A tremendous breakthrough.

00:05:15A triumph, one paper put it, of high-altitude geriatry.

00:05:19We were pleased with the response.

00:05:21As a result, as a result of this, it was inaugurated with great pomp and ceremony in a blaze of publicity.

00:05:28We were happy with the coverage.

00:05:30Is it not true that such experiments in high-altitude geriatry, as were urgently needed at that time,

00:05:36could have been carried out every bit as effectively, and some may say far more humanely,

00:05:42by sending one or two selected old-age pensioners up in a hot-air balloon once or twice a week from, say, Cockfosters?

00:05:48This was very seriously considered, and it had a lot to be said for it.

00:05:52But in the end, we opted for the left luggage office.

00:05:56In order, the better to acclimatise the, as we may now say, unfortunate guinea pigs in this experiment,

00:06:02to relatively high altitudes before sending them into orbit for reasons of limited space on the ground.

00:06:08That was part of the object.

00:06:11Great-grandmothers in orbit.

00:06:15A concept that, given this kind of publicity, could not fail to appeal.

00:06:19I think the time was ripe for it.

00:06:21And, accordingly, it caught the imagination of the public.

00:06:25It did, yes.

00:06:26I cannot possibly allow counsel to come on leading the witness in this way.

00:06:31You really must try to phrase these questions in a less tendentious way.

00:06:35I'm obliged to your lordship.

00:06:36To what extent was this whole enterprise not something of a pipe dream?

00:06:42We felt it had great potentiality.

00:06:45Would it be true to say that Rosenberg Research Foundation were being somewhat starry-eyed about the whole thing?

00:06:50We had our feet very firmly on the ground.

00:06:53More firmly, perhaps, than some of the unfortunate old-age pensioners,

00:06:57who had ill-advisedly opted to act as guinea pigs, one might perhaps say.

00:07:00At all events, it has to be admitted, does it not, that the whole concept quickly became, in the minds of the general public, a damp squib.

00:07:08A nine-days' wonder.

00:07:11And public support accordingly fell off with alarming and disconcerting rapidity.

00:07:16It didn't catch on quite in the way that we'd hoped.

00:07:19Nor, I would suggest, was the diminution in public support the only problem confronted you.

00:07:25Other snags were beginning to come to light.

00:07:27Many, for instance, of the firms, who'd agreed so eagerly to deliver provisions and groceries and other necessaries,

00:07:35when this had been a matter of climbing onto a popular bandwagon, were now beginning to have second thoughts.

00:07:41This was fermented.

00:07:42When a couple of removal men jibbed at carrying a Welsh dresser up the sheer face of a 3,000-foot mountain.

00:07:50They were troublemakers.

00:07:52And it spread.

00:07:53With the result, that the old-age pensioners themselves were compelled to make first the decent and then the ascent to collect their own shopping.

00:08:03For a time.

00:08:04Not an easy matter for someone of advancing years with a full shopping basket, I would presume.

00:08:10It did raise a certain amount of comment, yes.

00:08:12I would suggest that public disquiet was considerable.

00:08:16The questions, indeed, were asked in the house.

00:08:19That is true.

00:08:19Might it be true to say that you found this project somewhat embarrassing?

00:08:29It wasn't something that we welcomed.

00:08:31How convenient, then, if you could find a scapegoat on whom to foist responsibility for this unwelcome development.

00:08:38There was no intention of foisting responsibility at all.

00:08:41Nevertheless, if it could be made known that some gross oversight had been perpetrated, not by you, but by the plaintiffs.

00:08:49An oversight whereby the inmates of the old folks' home could be shown to have been put to some minor inconvenience.

00:08:55It would deflect a great deal of public criticism away from you, would it not?

00:09:00And on to the plaintiffs.

00:09:03What better such oversight than the placing of the lavatories in such a position that it would be impossible to reach them in the middle of the night without wearing climbing boots over one's bedroom slippers.

00:09:13This was not the intention at all.

00:09:16I have no questions to ask of this witness, my love.

00:09:19None?

00:09:20No, my love.

00:09:22So be it.

00:09:23In the absence of cross-examination, counsel for the plaintiffs calls his next witness, the Cosmic Planning Consultant's Chief Planning Advisor, Nigel Winterbourne.

00:09:39As a consultant of some standing in the consultancy world, you're well-versed, are you not, in the art of consultancy?

00:09:46Many people consider so.

00:09:48To the extent that it would be true, perhaps, to say that you have consultancy in the blood.

00:09:53And that consultancy, in all its myriad forms, has been your life right up until this moment, and indeed still is.

00:10:00I'd like to think so.

00:10:02You've showed a certain precocity for this, even as a child, I believe.

00:10:08I was said to be forward, yes, in that particular field.

00:10:10With the result, that in adult life, you have been called in on a consultancy basis on numerous occasions in the non-communist world.

00:10:19You are now, are you not, Chief Planning Advisor to the Cosmic Planning Consultants, who are the plaintiffs in this action?

00:10:27That is so.

00:10:28And as such, you were intimately involved, were you not, with the project about which complaints have been made?

00:10:33I was.

00:10:35The project was a somewhat ambitious one, I presume.

00:10:39It was one of some magnitude, yes.

00:10:42Is it perhaps to be expected that in a project on so large and ambitious a scale, minor snags might be expected to appear?

00:10:51One would be very lucky to get it absolutely right first time.

00:10:54Such a mistake as putting lavatories at the bottom when the home they were to serve was at the top.

00:11:00Might, well, might be an oversight of no great order, perhaps.

00:11:04It might seem so to the individual old-age pensioner called upon to make the journey down and then up again,

00:11:09but in terms of the project as a whole, it was considered a very minor point indeed.

00:11:13Hardly worth the expense of rectifying.

00:11:18Are you cross-examining this time?

00:11:20Your Lord, your permission.

00:11:21By all means.

00:11:22The peace and serenity, which it is normal to associate with a home for the elderly and their declining years,

00:11:29is in danger of being put at some risk, is it not,

00:11:32if one finds oneself trudging some 3,000 feet down a steep escarpment with many treacherous overhangs

00:11:37in one's dressing gown at 3 o'clock in the morning to attend to a call of nature.

00:11:42There's a danger, certainly.

00:11:44Might, might there not be prima facie grounds for complaint

00:11:46by some who think this is no way to spend the autumn of one's life.

00:11:50It's not easy to please everyone.

00:11:52The comment might be made as to what might appear at first sight to be an absence of forethought.

00:11:57To the extent that the question, what kind of planning consultants are these,

00:12:01might find yourself being asked in certain quarters with an element of rancour.

00:12:05Well, this is something one has to learn to come to terms with.

00:12:08I was passing through your mind inciting the lavatories where you did.

00:12:10I was thinking of Mrs. Letchworth.

00:12:14What was the tenor of your thoughts concerning this Mrs. Letchworth?

00:12:17It occurred to me that she was highly desirable and that I had a chance there.

00:12:20In other words, your thoughts were elsewhere than on a job you'd undertaken to give your undivided attention to.

00:12:25I suppose that would be so.

00:12:26A case, one might say, of chercher la femme.

00:12:28Yes, one might say that.

00:12:31You said that in your opinion the oversight was a minor one.

00:12:34That it was an oversight of no very great order, except to those inconvenienced by it.

00:12:39What about the danger that in bedroom slippers a 93-year-old lady,

00:12:43not perhaps too steady on her pins, as the expression is,

00:12:47might miss her footing and fall from top virtually to bottom?

00:12:51A feasibility study was carried out in 1970.

00:12:54No dangers of that nature were anticipated.

00:12:56Is it true that there are mattresses placed against the bottom of the sheer north face,

00:12:59against this very contingency, unanticipated though you say it was?

00:13:03These were placed there subsequently.

00:13:05As an afterthought, and in response to public outcry,

00:13:08when it was found that old-age pensioners, falling from some considerable height,

00:13:12were going straight through to the underworld on hitting the ground.

00:13:15To the where?

00:13:16The underworld, malud, sometimes known as Hades.

00:13:20You mean the infernal regions?

00:13:22Yes, my lad.

00:13:23Then say so.

00:13:25Indeed it is true, is it not, that some of the pensioners,

00:13:28even after the provision of mattresses, were continuing to go straight through,

00:13:32this time taking the mattresses with them.

00:13:34And I put it to you, that it is no part of the divine purpose

00:13:38that man or woman should, after leading a possibly blameless life for 70 or 80 years,

00:13:45make his or her entrance into the infernal regions,

00:13:48like a sack of coals coming down a chute,

00:13:51arrive in Hades unannounced and wrapped in a mattress.

00:13:55And one might be said to have got off to a dubious start,

00:13:57so far as the afterlife is concerned.

00:13:59It could lead to problems.

00:14:01It could lead to eternal damnation.

00:14:03I suppose so, yes.

00:14:04Scarcely an inviting prospect, mattress or no mattress.

00:14:07I suppose not.

00:14:08It is to establish this vital point beyond any shadow of doubt

00:14:12that, at a later stage in the hearing,

00:14:14Defence Council brings a man of God to the witness box.

00:14:18If one were so unfortunate as to be damned eternally,

00:14:21one would know all about it, I presume.

00:14:23Oh, yes, indeed.

00:14:25And it is for this reason, in the main,

00:14:27that one advises one's parishioners against it.

00:14:30Nothing to look forward to except an endless round of sin and vice,

00:14:33indulged in unremittingly for the better part, perhaps, of eternity,

00:14:36until such glamour as it might once have had

00:14:38has long since departed from it.

00:14:40That would be about the size of it, yes.

00:14:41It would take all pleasure out of the afterlife

00:14:43and leave one feeling fit for very little afterwards.

00:14:47Anyone of pensionable age would very likely find it too much for them.

00:14:51Nor, presumably, would there be any getting out of it at all easily.

00:14:54If you don't take part with the others,

00:14:56show willing, as the expression is,

00:14:58you are looked at, one imagines, as something of a leper

00:15:00and might possibly be sent to Coventry by your fellow damnese.

00:15:03It is possible to get out of it by pleading sick,

00:15:06if you don't, for any reason, feel up to it for an eon or two.

00:15:10But they're not exactly enraptured when you do.

00:15:12Satan, in particular, taking a somewhat poor view.

00:15:15Satan would come down like a ton of bricks.

00:15:17One would come, moreover, would one not,

00:15:19on frequent occasions, face to face with Satan.

00:15:21That is so, yes.

00:15:23Who is not the sort of person one would want to meet

00:15:24on a dark night, I would imagine.

00:15:26Indeed not.

00:15:27Many a person has been frightened out of his wits

00:15:29by such an encounter unexpectedly.

00:15:31One would normally say, in that sort of situation,

00:15:34get thee behind me, Satan.

00:15:36One would scarcely feel any safer with him there, I imagine.

00:15:39He has been known to take advantage.

00:15:43Almost too great a temptation to resist, one would imagine.

00:15:46I think at this point we might resist the temptation

00:15:49to go any further with this line of questioning.

00:15:51We will adjourn and return at 2.15.

00:15:54As we return to Crown Court,

00:16:03cross-examination by counsel should be continuing,

00:16:06but a hitch has occurred,

00:16:07whereby a Mrs. Startferret has taken the place

00:16:09in the witness box of the Chief Planning Advisor,

00:16:12having asked to be seen early and out of turn,

00:16:14owing to commitments elsewhere.

00:16:16As her evidence has nothing to do with the present case,

00:16:19counsel is having to rephrase his questions

00:16:21in the light of this.

00:16:23This is highly irregular.

00:16:24You do realise that?

00:16:25Yes, I do, Your Honour.

00:16:27Well, you must bear that in mind throughout.

00:16:29Otherwise, you may find yourself in contempt of court,

00:16:32in which case I shall have no alternative

00:16:33but to sentence you to be detained in the cells

00:16:35until such time as you have made a full

00:16:37and unconditional apology to the court.

00:16:40Yes, I am aware of that, sir.

00:16:41And as a result of this,

00:16:42you paid a visit to a solicitor, I believe.

00:16:44That's right.

00:16:46Are we taking this evidence in the middle?

00:16:49It would seem better that way, my lad.

00:16:51Very good.

00:16:52Can you tell us how this visit came about?

00:16:54I was talking to my friend and telling him what had happened,

00:16:57which I won't bother you with now,

00:16:59and he said,

00:17:00would you like to see a solicitor?

00:17:02So I said, I've already seen one.

00:17:04He said, where?

00:17:05I said, on the television.

00:17:07He said, would you recognise him again?

00:17:09I said, yes, anywhere.

00:17:11So he said, right, what are we waiting for?

00:17:13And as a result, you fetched up, I think I'm right in saying,

00:17:16the offices of Purdue, Gabbitas, Tatchbrook and Hobart,

00:17:19commissioners for Olds?

00:17:20Yes, to see Mr. Hobart.

00:17:22Whom you immediately recognised as the one you would see on television?

00:17:25Oh, yes, it was the same one, all right.

00:17:27And your first words to him were what?

00:17:30I said, can you hear an oath?

00:17:32And he went across to the open window with his hand cupped round his ear

00:17:35and he said, no.

00:17:37I don't think so, can you?

00:17:39Whereupon?

00:17:40Whereupon, I said, it's my brother-in-law.

00:17:46Your brother-in-law comes into this in what way?

00:17:49Well, he'd hurt himself.

00:17:52Having hit his thumb with a hammer while nailing up a picture of the infant Jesus.

00:17:55That's right.

00:17:56And he wanted, without delay, to come out with an oath of some description

00:17:59in order to relieve his feelings.

00:18:00He was hopping about from one foot to the other.

00:18:03Having been bottling it up for some time while you were looking for solicitor.

00:18:06And with a homemade gag in his mouth to prevent the premature utterance of the oath.

00:18:10That's right.

00:18:11He was all set to utter it the moment the gag was removed.

00:18:14When the formalities were completed?

00:18:15Yes.

00:18:17What was the oath he was all said to come out with?

00:18:21Well, may I write it down?

00:18:24Yes, he can write it down.

00:18:33Hells, bells and buckets of blood.

00:18:37There were several possibilities that he had a list.

00:18:40That was his first choice.

00:18:42What was the reaction of your Mr Hobart,

00:18:44the solicitor you had seen on television and were now confronting in the flesh,

00:18:48to the information that this was what you wanted to see him about?

00:18:50He was very understanding and produced this chair leg.

00:18:55Chair leg?

00:18:56It was about so long, my lord.

00:18:59With what purpose in mind?

00:19:01Well, he said the formalities might take some little time.

00:19:04Yes.

00:19:06Well, he was doubled up, you see, with a pain as well as jumping about.

00:19:10How does a chair leg come into this?

00:19:13Well, he said as the formalities might take some little time and he was in pain,

00:19:17he might like to be put under sedation till they were completed.

00:19:21He said it was one of the few concessions that the law allowed to human frailty,

00:19:28and we might as well pay advantage of it.

00:19:30By striking him over the head with the chair leg?

00:19:33Is this common practice?

00:19:35I've had no personal experience of it, my lud.

00:19:37We were hoping to have it under the swear-now-pay-later scheme.

00:19:40Well, couldn't all this have been done over the telephone?

00:19:43Husbands ringing in from public call boxes purporting to be swearing on behalf of wives and sweethearts.

00:19:48Green grocers impersonating members of Parliament in order to let rip under the cloak of privilege.

00:19:53Make a mockery of the whole business, my lud.

00:19:55They said it could be the thin end of a very ugly wedge.

00:19:58Yes, I see the force of that, I suppose. Very well.

00:20:01So I said, couldn't he have voice training first?

00:20:05Voice training?

00:20:07I wanted his voice to be in tip-top condition,

00:20:10so that he'd do full justice to the oath when the time came,

00:20:13otherwise it was money down the drain.

00:20:14Surely no man in his right senses would attempt to nail up a picture of the infant Jesus

00:20:19unless his larynx was in reasonably good nick, as the expression is to start with.

00:20:23Oh, I think we've had enough of this witness

00:20:27and can now revert to the original witness whose evidence was interrupted.

00:20:31As all ought to please is.

00:20:38This woman has had an unusually long run for her money,

00:20:41and as she leaves the court, clearly seems to realise it.

00:20:44Oh yes, very satisfied. I've no complaints at all.

00:20:47A very generous allowance of time.

00:20:48Yes, I was very pleased.

00:20:49The chief planning consultant is now back in the witness box,

00:20:54and the examination can continue.

00:20:56Not all, by any means, of the various projects

00:20:59on which cosmic planning consultants have been called in as advisers

00:21:03have received universal acclaim.

00:21:05I'm referring in particular to the scheme elaborately worked out by you

00:21:09for a midnight sunbathing Lido on the Dead Sea,

00:21:13over which you were severely criticised

00:21:15in having failed to take into account

00:21:16the relative absence of effective sunlight at that time

00:21:19during the 24 hours.

00:21:21I won't deny we had to take a certain amount of stick over that.

00:21:24You were, if I may refresh your memory,

00:21:26very frank and open about it at the time,

00:21:28going so far as to admit in a letter I have before me now,

00:21:30which I shall pass to his lordship and to the jury presently,

00:21:33that in some respects you had failed,

00:21:35in your own words,

00:21:36to do our homework on this one.

00:21:38We tried to take a reasonable line on it, certainly.

00:21:40There are a number of letters relating to all manner of enterprises,

00:21:43including this one.

00:21:44Address this time to a Mr Driscoll.

00:21:46Dear Mr Driscoll, it begins,

00:21:49it would appear to have happened again.

00:21:51We seem plagued by gremlins,

00:21:52and it seems that your decision to build a bird sanctuary underground

00:21:55was made on advice wrongly given to you by us.

00:21:59This is the kind of slip-up which can, however,

00:22:01all too easily occur, as I am sure you realise,

00:22:03and should not be blown up out of all proportion.

00:22:06Neither would it be advisable to shout it too much from the housetops,

00:22:09as this could make difficulties for everyone.

00:22:12Sealed lips, in other words,

00:22:13seem once more to be the order of the day.

00:22:15Lay people who don't have the experience to judge

00:22:19can sometimes put the wrong interpretation on things,

00:22:22such as when, for example, a building falls down or a bridge collapses.

00:22:25As when a tower block some years ago collapsed like a house of cards

00:22:28within ten months of being completed.

00:22:30A tower block on which cosmic planning consultants were the advisers.

00:22:33That was due to a fault in the design,

00:22:36for which we refused to accept any responsibility.

00:22:38It was precisely the design you were brought in as advisers, was it not?

00:22:41Our function was to tender advice, yes we did.

00:22:43Advice on the basis of which the block was constructed

00:22:45in such a way as to fall down shortly after being put up.

00:22:50The advice we gave was given in good faith.

00:22:53There was no obligation whatsoever on the part of the construction company

00:22:56to follow that advice.

00:22:58They took this responsibility entirely on their own initiative.

00:23:01We're perfectly in the clear on the matter.

00:23:03As in no fewer than 231 disasters of a greater or lesser magnitude

00:23:08on which, over a period of years, you were acting as consultants.

00:23:13It's too easy for outsiders to apportion blame in these circumstances.

00:23:18Our conscience is perfectly clear.

00:23:20It is clear that counsel is not going to be able to shake this witness in any way

00:23:23or wring any concession out of him that might damage his position,

00:23:26notwithstanding the damage that might have been done to others,

00:23:30though the case is by no means over yet.

00:23:32Join us tomorrow for another instalment

00:23:34in the case of Cosmic Planning Consultants

00:23:36versus the Rosenberg Research Foundation.

00:23:38We'll see you next time.

00:24:08The case from which you're about to see further edited highlights

00:24:28is a very fictitious one,

00:24:29and the proceedings are not as legally accurate as they might have been

00:24:32in the hands of a more competent writer.

00:24:34The characters in it are played by actors,

00:24:36and the jury is made up of people

00:24:38who have expressed their willingness

00:24:39to arrive impartially at any verdict required of them.

00:24:43It is a complex and unusual case, now in its fourth day,

00:24:46concerning the siting of lavatories for an old people's home

00:24:49some 3,000 feet below the building which they were designed to serve,

00:24:53thus subjecting the old-age pensioners

00:24:55to considerable trouble and inconvenience.

00:24:58It is the task of counsel for the plaintiffs,

00:25:01who are alleging libel against them

00:25:02on the part of their clients in respect of this,

00:25:04to minimise the gravity of the error,

00:25:06and thereby show that the charge of gross incompetence is unfounded.

00:25:11The credibility of an expert witness depends upon the effectiveness

00:25:15with which counsel is able to establish his credentials at the very outset

00:25:18by skilful and subtle questioning.

00:25:20You are your Professor Upshot,

00:25:25and you occupy the Chair of Comparative Geriatry

00:25:28at the University of Wakefield.

00:25:30Oh, yes, that is true, yes.

00:25:33You're the author, are you not, of a number of books,

00:25:36some of which I address to a wider public.

00:25:39Ill-Lit by Moonlight,

00:25:41my encounter with the largest hippopotamus in the world,

00:25:44being perhaps the best known of these.

00:25:45Oh, yes, that is the one that my popular reputation is based upon, I think, yes.

00:25:50You're also the author of the standard work on high-altitude geriatry,

00:25:54which has gone into a number of editions

00:25:56and been translated into numerous foreign languages,

00:25:59and which has become something of a textbook for students on the subject,

00:26:02called Mountaineering at Ninety, Dream or Reality.

00:26:06Yes, it runs the other one a close second.

00:26:09You're not uninstructed, therefore, in these matters.

00:26:11It might indeed be said to be a worldwide authority

00:26:14on the effect of altitude upon the elderly.

00:26:17Yes, I would go as far as to say that, yes.

00:26:20Would it be true to say

00:26:21that the governments of Nepal and Afghanistan

00:26:24were interested in the experiment

00:26:26being carried out at this spot in the Cairngorms,

00:26:30and that they were in particular

00:26:31interested in the light it might shed

00:26:34on the problems of establishing old folks' homes

00:26:36in the Himalayas and elsewhere?

00:26:38Oh, there were deputations from all parts of the world.

00:26:41The Andes, another area where high-altitude geriatry

00:26:45was of prime concern.

00:26:47The high spots of the world.

00:26:49Oh, yes.

00:26:52The necessity in those regions of acclimatising the elderly

00:26:55to the making of journeys up and down sheer

00:26:57and relatively sheer rock faces

00:26:59might well be exercising the governments

00:27:02of these countries, might it not?

00:27:04Oh, yes, it was the number one topic.

00:27:06So that, in order for the pilot scheme

00:27:08being tried out here in the Cairngorms

00:27:10to be of use in the widest possible way,

00:27:13it would make absolute sense

00:27:15by placing the lavatories at the bottom

00:27:18to ensure that data might be forthcoming

00:27:21as to the feasibility of such journeys up and down.

00:27:24Oh, absolute sense.

00:27:26It was the crux of the whole exercise.

00:27:28An imaginative way, in fact,

00:27:31of achieving a sound and useful objective.

00:27:32It was the one thing that commended the scheme

00:27:35to those of us who were invited to look at it

00:27:37at an early stage.

00:27:39To what extent is 3,000 feet an acceptable height

00:27:42when elderly people are called upon

00:27:44to make the journey both up and down

00:27:46several times a day as well as during the night?

00:27:48Oh, by no means unacceptable,

00:27:51given a certain degree of fitness, of course.

00:27:54Fitness by no means beyond the reach of,

00:27:56for example, his lordship

00:27:57or of such of the old-age pensioners

00:28:00who are in court at the moment.

00:28:02Oh, yes, indeed, yes.

00:28:04It has been said

00:28:05that you are as young as you feel

00:28:08and that the secret of eternal youth

00:28:10is available to any one of us

00:28:11who chooses to open his mind to it.

00:28:14Queen Victoria is an example here, I think.

00:28:18It has been plausibly suggested, has it not,

00:28:21that even as quite an old woman,

00:28:24Queen Victoria, who harboured a secret longing

00:28:26to wheel a wheelbarrow through streets

00:28:29broad and narrow, crying cockles and muscles,

00:28:31alive, alive, oh, and, in fact,

00:28:34to do so, moreover, at dead of night,

00:28:36did, in fact, on numerous occasions

00:28:38succumb to this craving.

00:28:41It's not too fanciful to imagine the scene

00:28:44where the sleeping populace of Windsor

00:28:46were awakened from their beds

00:28:48to cheer her as she did so.

00:28:50Cheer her, indeed.

00:28:52Until they were hoarse before,

00:28:54after a quick gargle,

00:28:55returning to bed and sleep once again.

00:28:58Oh, indeed.

00:28:59It might well be, might it not,

00:29:02it might be this kind of activity

00:29:03that was the secret of her eternal youthfulness.

00:29:06I simply cannot go along

00:29:07with this blatant leading of the witness.

00:29:10It's a waste of public money to bring him here.

00:29:12It's very expensive.

00:29:13All he has to do when he gets to court

00:29:14is to find various ways of answering yes.

00:29:17I stand corrected, madame.

00:29:20Are we cross-examining?

00:29:22With your Lordship's permission.

00:29:24By all means.

00:29:25Would it be true to say

00:29:26that it makes nonsense

00:29:27of the whole notion of high-altitude geriatry

00:29:30if old-age pensioners,

00:29:32on their journey back to bed in the small hours,

00:29:34miss their footing

00:29:35and finish up in heaps at the bottom?

00:29:37It may well be taken into account

00:29:39as a possibility

00:29:40when constructing a home of this kind.

00:29:43I put it to you

00:29:43it was not only not so taken in this instance,

00:29:45but that it was blatantly,

00:29:47either by negligence or design,

00:29:49ignored as a possibility.

00:29:50Oh, by no means.

00:29:52It may well be taken into account

00:29:54as a possibility

00:29:55and then ignored.

00:29:57A calculated risk.

00:29:59A risk worth taking

00:30:00in view of the purpose

00:30:02behind the whole exercise

00:30:03which was in part

00:30:04to discover the effects

00:30:06of such minor oversights

00:30:08in developing buildings

00:30:11of a similar nature.

00:30:13I have no further witnesses, my lord.

00:30:16That is your case.

00:30:17It is, my lord.

00:30:18It is now for the defence

00:30:19to open its case.

00:30:20Whilst we're waiting for this to happen,

00:30:22this might be the moment

00:30:23to go outside the courtroom

00:30:24where witnesses are waiting

00:30:26to be called for other cases

00:30:27which are going on

00:30:28in the same building

00:30:28concurrently with our own

00:30:30and are passing the time

00:30:31in small talk.

00:30:32The bottom seems to have fallen

00:30:35right out of horse brasses.

00:30:38Right out.

00:30:40Never seen anything like it.

00:30:44I should be out

00:30:45looking for the wife.

00:30:47Left this message

00:30:48on the table for me.

00:30:50I'm being held prisoner

00:30:51in the Lake Isle of Industry

00:30:53by W.B. Yeats.

00:30:56He can be had up.

00:30:57He's death trapped, that place.

00:30:59They can easily look

00:30:59after themselves, women.

00:31:00I remember the queen

00:31:02went missing once.

00:31:03Counsel for the defence

00:31:04has now opened his case

00:31:05and is questioning

00:31:06his first witness,

00:31:07an experienced mountaineer.

00:31:09Am I right in saying

00:31:10that you're an experienced mountaineer?

00:31:12Yes.

00:31:13Of several years standing?

00:31:14Indeed.

00:31:15Perhaps you'll take a look

00:31:16at the model here

00:31:17in the well of the court

00:31:17and show us by means

00:31:19of the model

00:31:19the relative positions

00:31:223,000 feet apart

00:31:24of the old people's home

00:31:26and the lavatories serving it.

00:31:27To what extent

00:31:29can this be described

00:31:30as the same model

00:31:31as heretofore?

00:31:32It has sustained damage,

00:31:34my lad,

00:31:34and certain corrections

00:31:36may have to be made

00:31:36in respect of the scale.

00:31:38What is the extent

00:31:40of the damage?

00:31:41It was sat upon

00:31:42whilst in safekeeping,

00:31:43my lad.

00:31:43Sat upon?

00:31:45Yes, my lad.

00:31:46I see.

00:31:46There's also some marmalade,

00:31:48my lad,

00:31:48in one or two

00:31:49of the interstices

00:31:49which has arrived there

00:31:50somewhat mysteriously

00:31:51in points of there

00:31:52having been a moment,

00:31:53possibly more than one,

00:31:54when the model

00:31:55was the subject

00:31:56for discussion

00:31:56over the breakfast table

00:31:57or perhaps it was

00:31:58being used

00:31:59for some other reason

00:31:59such as to prop up

00:32:01a copy of a daily newspaper.

00:32:02Where is this marmalade?

00:32:04Not in any vital spot,

00:32:06my lad.

00:32:06Does the marmalade

00:32:08invalidate the model

00:32:10in any way?

00:32:10Not significantly,

00:32:12no, my lad.

00:32:12There are also

00:32:13some crumbs of toast

00:32:14but these are

00:32:15a non-strategic area

00:32:16so far as the case

00:32:17is concerned

00:32:18and it is my submission

00:32:20that it need not

00:32:21trouble us

00:32:21if the defence agrees.

00:32:22I'm perfectly happy.

00:32:24Well, as long as

00:32:25the model was in safekeeping

00:32:26at the time

00:32:26which I understand it was,

00:32:28none of this furnishes

00:32:29any sound reason

00:32:30once the necessary

00:32:31correction has been made

00:32:32why it should not

00:32:33continue to be used.

00:32:34I'm obliged to your lordship

00:32:35if perhaps you could

00:32:36indicate the route

00:32:37which would have to be

00:32:38taken by an old age pensioner

00:32:39taken short in the night.

00:32:41Well, of course,

00:32:42the mountain itself

00:32:43which they would have

00:32:43to negotiate

00:32:44has now been sat upon

00:32:45but allowing for that

00:32:47it would be up here.

00:32:49Along, around this bit

00:32:51then they would have

00:32:53to negotiate

00:32:54round the overhang.

00:32:55Which is not easy

00:32:56in bedroom slippers.

00:32:57Virtually impossible.

00:32:58May he be shown

00:32:59in Exhibit 2.

00:33:02Perhaps you would give us

00:33:03your expert opinion

00:33:04on the effectiveness

00:33:05of bedroom slippers

00:33:06when these have been

00:33:08modified in some such way

00:33:10as we see done

00:33:10in this instance

00:33:11and fitted with crampons.

00:33:13Under ice or snow

00:33:14these would be

00:33:15virtually useless.

00:33:17Precipitate an avalanche

00:33:18and cover anyone

00:33:19who was on the throne

00:33:20under a few hundred

00:33:22thousand tons of snow.

00:33:23Not a happy eventuality

00:33:25perhaps for the

00:33:25only unfortunate person

00:33:26so visited.

00:33:27Never sit on the throne

00:33:28again with a quiet mind.

00:33:30It might be said in fact

00:33:30that these bedroom slippers

00:33:31are all right for anyone

00:33:32negotiating a rock garden

00:33:34in full daylight.

00:33:35Worse than useless

00:33:36for the sort of terrain

00:33:37we are concerned with here.

00:33:39I wouldn't wear them.

00:33:40Put it that way.

00:33:40So that in other words

00:33:42the root is in your view

00:33:43an impossible one

00:33:44even when there is

00:33:45no such distortion

00:33:46as on the model here.

00:33:47Out of the question.

00:33:48A formidable line of argument

00:33:50which has clearly

00:33:51impressed the jury

00:33:52and which it will now be

00:33:53for the plaintiffs

00:33:54to attempt to demolish

00:33:55in cross-examination.

00:33:56You say you found

00:34:00this root

00:34:00an impossible one.

00:34:03Virtually impossible.

00:34:04Would it be true

00:34:05to say

00:34:06that a mountain goat

00:34:07could negotiate it

00:34:08without any difficulty

00:34:09at all?

00:34:10I'm not familiar

00:34:11with the habits

00:34:11of mountain goats.

00:34:12It would be

00:34:13a reasonable supposition

00:34:15though

00:34:15would it not

00:34:16from what you know

00:34:17of mountain goats?

00:34:18I dare say

00:34:19a mountain goat

00:34:19would make a reasonable

00:34:20stab at it yes.

00:34:21In other words

00:34:22a mountain goat

00:34:24could do so

00:34:24and yet an old age pensioner

00:34:25made in the image of God

00:34:27as he is

00:34:27is unable to do

00:34:29what a mere goat

00:34:30not so fortunate

00:34:31to have been made

00:34:32in God's image

00:34:32can do with one hoof

00:34:34tied behind his back

00:34:35so to speak.

00:34:36A mountain goat

00:34:36can do precious little else

00:34:38but leap about on mountains.

00:34:39That's what it's there for.

00:34:40What you're saying then

00:34:41amounts to

00:34:41correct me if I'm wrong

00:34:42that though the structure

00:34:44known as Bellamy's Folly

00:34:46may be perfectly acceptable

00:34:48as home for goats

00:34:50who are past their prime

00:34:51it is to be denied

00:34:53to God's children

00:34:55in their declining years

00:34:56because they're

00:34:57in some way inferior

00:34:58in not being able

00:34:59to reach laverages

00:35:00which have been placed

00:35:01at the bottom

00:35:02with quite the dexterity

00:35:03with which a goat

00:35:03might do so.

00:35:04It's not a question

00:35:05of being inferior.

00:35:07You do our attention

00:35:09to the overhang.

00:35:11How in fact

00:35:11would a qualified mountaineer

00:35:13negotiate

00:35:14such an overhang?

00:35:17Well

00:35:18one would first

00:35:20find a toehold.

00:35:22then

00:35:27give a sort

00:35:28of a heave

00:35:29and Bob's

00:35:34more or less

00:35:34your uncle.

00:35:37When you say

00:35:38more or less

00:35:39your uncle

00:35:40is he your uncle

00:35:41or isn't he?

00:35:42It depends my lord

00:35:43on the nature

00:35:44of the overhang

00:35:45and the strength

00:35:46of the heave.

00:35:47Would it not be true

00:35:48to say that Bob

00:35:49is in fact your uncle?

00:35:50Depends which Bob

00:35:51you're referring to.

00:35:52Well which Bob

00:35:53are you referring to?

00:35:54I was referring to

00:35:55a hypothetical Bob.

00:35:56A hypothetical Bob!

00:35:58Who I suggest

00:35:59is as much your uncle

00:36:00as your uncle is

00:36:01if not more so.

00:36:02With respect my lord

00:36:03I would suggest

00:36:03we are being led here

00:36:04on something

00:36:04of a wild goose chase.

00:36:06Yes.

00:36:07Psst!

00:36:10Where is this line

00:36:12of questioning

00:36:12leading?

00:36:13I shall be in a better

00:36:15position to say

00:36:16blood

00:36:16when we've got there.

00:36:19Well I think

00:36:19we're chasing

00:36:20a blind goose

00:36:21up a wild alley

00:36:22and might well adjourn

00:36:23at this point.

00:36:24We will resume

00:36:25at two o'clock.

00:36:27It seems that

00:36:28council may have

00:36:28cooked his client's goose

00:36:30at this juncture.

00:36:30If so

00:36:31he has now

00:36:31no alternative

00:36:32but to lie on it.

00:36:34We shall see.

00:36:34As we come back

00:36:43at a somewhat

00:36:43later stage

00:36:44in the hearing

00:36:44council has just

00:36:45finished his examination

00:36:46of his second witness

00:36:48an old age pensioner

00:36:49who has sustained injury

00:36:50by falling several

00:36:51hundred feet

00:36:52and missing

00:36:52the mattresses

00:36:53placed at the bottom.

00:36:55Council for the plaintiff

00:36:56is about to cross-examine.

00:36:57We've heard your story

00:36:59as to how you came

00:37:00by the injuries

00:37:01you sustained

00:37:01which is that

00:37:03you missed your footing

00:37:04and fell in consequence

00:37:05some several hundred feet

00:37:07down the mountainside.

00:37:10That's right.

00:37:12I would like to suggest

00:37:13to you that your injuries

00:37:14were in fact sustained

00:37:15in a quite different manner.

00:37:16No.

00:37:18I fell from this ledge

00:37:19and missed the mattress

00:37:21at the bottom.

00:37:23Let me take you back

00:37:24a number of years

00:37:25to the time

00:37:26when you were quite

00:37:26a young man.

00:37:27Twenty years old

00:37:28in fact.

00:37:30At that time

00:37:30like a number

00:37:32of other young men

00:37:32who were affected

00:37:33by the same craze

00:37:34you were bitten

00:37:35by the bug

00:37:36if I could put it

00:37:37of ventriloquism.

00:37:40I dappled.

00:37:41Ah, you dabbled

00:37:42but with scant success

00:37:44I fancy.

00:37:45Well I never got

00:37:45to the top.

00:37:46I would put it to you

00:37:47that never even rose

00:37:48from the bottom.

00:37:48Well it wasn't

00:37:49for the want to try and.

00:37:50It is by no means clear

00:37:51what line of argument

00:37:52is being pursued here

00:37:53and the judge

00:37:54is himself

00:37:55obviously far from certain.

00:37:56in recent years

00:37:58the memory

00:38:00of that failure

00:38:01has come increasingly

00:38:02to irk you

00:38:02has it not

00:38:03to the extent

00:38:05that you've begun

00:38:06in a somewhat

00:38:07clandestine manner

00:38:08to take it up again

00:38:09retiring behind

00:38:11closed doors

00:38:12in order to try

00:38:13not altogether successfully

00:38:14once more

00:38:15to throw your voice

00:38:15from one end

00:38:16of the room

00:38:16to the other.

00:38:17The doors were not closed.

00:38:19Neither were the windows

00:38:20I venture to suggest.

00:38:22What have the windows

00:38:23got to do with it?

00:38:24My contention is

00:38:25that they were open

00:38:26my lord

00:38:27and that witness

00:38:28whose voice

00:38:29is a very powerful one

00:38:30might well

00:38:31in endeavouring

00:38:32to throw his voice

00:38:33have found his voice

00:38:35instead throwing him.

00:38:37Was this an upstairs room?

00:38:39It was sort of

00:38:40upstairs.

00:38:41And you went out

00:38:42through the open window

00:38:44whilst your voice

00:38:45which was more powerful

00:38:46than you thought it was

00:38:47remained where it was

00:38:48in the room

00:38:49across which you were

00:38:49trying to throw it.

00:38:50I landed in the flower bed.

00:38:53I see.

00:38:56These injuries in short

00:38:57were sustained

00:38:59in a manner

00:39:00totally at variance

00:39:01with the ones

00:39:02that you've described to us.

00:39:04Some of them

00:39:04might have been.

00:39:05And the story therefore

00:39:06of your fall

00:39:07having fallen from a ledge

00:39:09several hundred feet

00:39:10up in the Cairngorms

00:39:12is the purest fabrication

00:39:13from beginning to end.

00:39:14Well, suppose it

00:39:16could be.

00:39:19Consternation.

00:39:20It is by no means usual

00:39:21for a witness

00:39:21to admit to quite such

00:39:23blatant perjury

00:39:23in the witness box

00:39:24and while under oath.

00:39:25And it is something

00:39:26which will clearly

00:39:26have to be dealt with

00:39:27elsewhere and at

00:39:28some other time.

00:39:29Meanwhile,

00:39:30as the effect

00:39:30of this extraordinary

00:39:32admission dies down,

00:39:33the hearing continues.

00:39:34There is a slight

00:39:47interruption at this point

00:39:48as a witness attempts

00:39:49to force his way

00:39:50into the witness box.

00:39:51He is clearly

00:39:52in a state of some distress

00:39:53and the hearing

00:39:53must go into abeyance

00:39:54for a few moments

00:39:55for his needs

00:39:56to be attended to

00:39:57as a matter of urgency.

00:39:59Judge and counsel

00:40:00are in conference

00:40:01over the most suitable way

00:40:02to deal with the emergency

00:40:03as witness bursting

00:40:04with evidence

00:40:04which he obviously

00:40:05cannot keep bottled up

00:40:06for very much longer

00:40:07strives as best he can

00:40:08to contain himself.

00:40:09You represent

00:40:13Lactic Dairies?

00:40:15That is so.

00:40:16And should have been here

00:40:17yesterday?

00:40:18Yes.

00:40:18To give evidence

00:40:19in a totally different case?

00:40:20I was led to understand

00:40:21that I could get evidence

00:40:22on this case instead.

00:40:24Why are you not in court

00:40:24yesterday when it were required?

00:40:26Having trouble

00:40:27with one of our rounds

00:40:28from my lord.

00:40:29In what way?

00:40:31He was playing ducks

00:40:32and drakes.

00:40:33Not to put too fine

00:40:34a pot on it, my lord.

00:40:35With his milk float.

00:40:36Is this really serious

00:40:37enough to prevent your

00:40:38coming here to give evidence?

00:40:40The float, my lord,

00:40:41is by weighing B

00:40:42in the tradesman's badge

00:40:43of office.

00:40:44It's held by him

00:40:45on trust for the duration

00:40:46of his tour of duty.

00:40:47He is the temporary custodian.

00:40:49When you say

00:40:50he was playing ducks

00:40:51and drakes with it,

00:40:52what does this mean

00:40:53in plain terms?

00:40:54Not to beat about

00:40:55the bush, my lord,

00:40:55and mince words

00:40:56in any way.

00:40:58It's gone down

00:40:59to Brighton on it.

00:41:00Well, is it not

00:41:00in the nature

00:41:01of this milk float

00:41:02that it is open

00:41:03to abuse in this way?

00:41:05We do our best

00:41:05to prevent it, my lord.

00:41:06What evidence

00:41:09is it that this witness

00:41:10is proposing to give?

00:41:12It is in respect

00:41:12of a case of assault

00:41:13and battery, my lord,

00:41:14involving a husband

00:41:15and wife.

00:41:17It's highly irregular

00:41:18that a witness

00:41:18called to give evidence

00:41:19in one case

00:41:20should come to court

00:41:21expecting to be accommodated

00:41:22on a different day

00:41:23than another.

00:41:24If evidence cannot

00:41:25for whatever reason

00:41:26be given at the proper time

00:41:27and in the proper place,

00:41:28it must be bottled up

00:41:29until such time

00:41:30as there is a similar case

00:41:31of the same kind.

00:41:33The witness is clearly

00:41:33in a state of some distress,

00:41:35my lord.

00:41:36How long will it take you

00:41:37to get whatever it is

00:41:38out of your system?

00:41:40A couple of minutes,

00:41:41my lord,

00:41:41depending upon the questions.

00:41:43Very well.

00:41:44In future,

00:41:45you will make sure

00:41:45that you are here

00:41:46when you are required.

00:41:48Give your evidence

00:41:48to counsel

00:41:49and I shall instruct

00:41:50the jury

00:41:51to ignore it accordingly.

00:41:54Thank you, my lord.

00:41:55I much obliged to you.

00:41:57It's a great release.

00:41:58Where were you

00:41:58on the night

00:41:59of the 24th of August

00:42:00last year?

00:42:00I was on holiday

00:42:01in Scotland.

00:42:01and could not therefore

00:42:02have been able

00:42:03to witness a case

00:42:04of assault and battery

00:42:04in Wanstead.

00:42:05No.

00:42:08No questions, my lord.

00:42:10You can stand down.

00:42:11A second old-age pensioner,

00:42:20Mrs. Olga Freetumble,

00:42:21has been called

00:42:22by counsel

00:42:22and is now likewise

00:42:23being cross-examined

00:42:24by plaintiff's counsel,

00:42:26who is deploying

00:42:26a neat and intriguing

00:42:28line of argument.

00:42:29Old-age pensioners,

00:42:30we are given to understand,

00:42:32making the journey,

00:42:34sometimes in the middle

00:42:34of the night

00:42:35and missing their footing,

00:42:37show a tendency

00:42:38to arrive at the bottom

00:42:39with undue suddenness.

00:42:41Oh, they do.

00:42:42I did myself.

00:42:44Which is disconcerting

00:42:45and could indeed be fatal.

00:42:46Oh, it nearly was.

00:42:48We've all heard the story,

00:42:49have we not,

00:42:50of the clumsy housemaid

00:42:52who, dropping a plate

00:42:54or a cup to the floor

00:42:56where it smashes beyond repair,

00:42:59is heard to exclaim indignantly,

00:43:01but I only let go of it

00:43:03for a split second,

00:43:05whereupon she receives the retort,

00:43:08it's enough, Mavis.

00:43:10Yes?

00:43:11Now, it well may be,

00:43:13may it not,

00:43:14but for the force of gravity,

00:43:16that plate or cup

00:43:18could have remained intact

00:43:19to this day.

00:43:20No reason why not.

00:43:22It is now some 300 years or so,

00:43:25is it not,

00:43:26since gravity

00:43:28was discovered

00:43:29by Sir Isaac Newton.

00:43:31Well, I suppose

00:43:32that would be so.

00:43:33Indeed, he had been

00:43:33hunting high and low for it,

00:43:35had he not

00:43:36over a considerable period of time.

00:43:38I wouldn't know about that.

00:43:40And the search

00:43:40was finally crowned

00:43:41with success,

00:43:42if legend is to be believed.

00:43:44When he came upon it,

00:43:46so we are told,

00:43:48in the back

00:43:48of a boot and shoe cupboard,

00:43:50to which he'd gone

00:43:51in search for something else,

00:43:52and saw it crouching down

00:43:55behind,

00:43:56so they say,

00:43:57a roll of linoleum,

00:43:59swathed from head to foot

00:44:01in some kind of

00:44:02curtain material,

00:44:04doubtless hoping thereby

00:44:05to be mistaken

00:44:06for Henry Irving

00:44:06in a Midsummer Night's Dream.

00:44:09The vain hope,

00:44:10as it turned out,

00:44:12for Sir Isaac recognised it

00:44:13at once

00:44:13and made the famous remark,

00:44:15you are the force of gravity

00:44:16and I claim my five pounds.

00:44:19Now, had he not

00:44:20had the presence

00:44:21so to do,

00:44:23it is possible

00:44:23that gravity

00:44:24may have eluded him

00:44:26and that,

00:44:27in consequence,

00:44:28we might still

00:44:29be looking for it.

00:44:33I suppose

00:44:35that could be true,

00:44:37yes.

00:44:38Where is this line

00:44:39of questioning leading?

00:44:41I was endeavouring

00:44:42to demonstrate,

00:44:42my lad,

00:44:43that the force of gravity

00:44:44is a significant factor here

00:44:45and that the lion's share

00:44:47for the blame

00:44:48for the witness's injury

00:44:50must be laid

00:44:51fairly and squarely

00:44:52at the door

00:44:52of Sir Isaac Newton,

00:44:54since it was his discovery

00:44:55of gravity

00:44:56in the 17th century

00:44:57that may be said

00:44:58to have set in motion

00:44:59the course of events

00:45:01which have culminated

00:45:01in these injuries

00:45:02and that,

00:45:03if this be so,

00:45:04my clients

00:45:05are blameless

00:45:06in the matter.

00:45:06Is it your contention

00:45:07that if the force

00:45:08of gravity

00:45:09were done away with,

00:45:10no harm would have

00:45:11befallen these

00:45:12unfortunate people?

00:45:13It is my submission,

00:45:14my lad,

00:45:15that they would have

00:45:15been able to take

00:45:16their time

00:45:17getting both

00:45:18down and up.

00:45:19This is a line

00:45:20of argument

00:45:20so potentially damaging

00:45:22to the defence

00:45:23that council must

00:45:24lose no time

00:45:24in scotching it.

00:45:26Many is the time,

00:45:27I dare say,

00:45:28when all of us,

00:45:29in a moment of exasperation,

00:45:31as a precious vase

00:45:31or ornament

00:45:32has fallen to the floor

00:45:33and smashed beyond repair,

00:45:35have said to ourselves,

00:45:36to hell with gravity

00:45:37and all its works.

00:45:39You must indeed

00:45:40have uttered

00:45:40some such expostulation

00:45:42yourself,

00:45:42I imagine.

00:45:43Oh, yes,

00:45:44many a time.

00:45:45That gravity

00:45:46is holding

00:45:46the universe together,

00:45:48is it not?

00:45:49Oh, so they say.

00:45:50So that were your wish

00:45:51and those of countless others

00:45:53in like circumstances

00:45:54to be granted

00:45:55and gravity

00:45:56be indeed

00:45:57done away with,

00:45:58the universe

00:45:59would forthwith

00:45:59fall apart

00:46:00at the seams

00:46:01and you and I

00:46:02would wake up

00:46:02one fine morning

00:46:03only to find ourselves

00:46:04stepping out of bed

00:46:05into empty space.

00:46:07Oh,

00:46:09I suppose

00:46:09that could be so,

00:46:10yes.

00:46:11There are those

00:46:11who might in such a situation

00:46:13be disposed to say,

00:46:14what's happened

00:46:14to the flaming universe

00:46:15all of a sudden.

00:46:16It seems to have disappeared

00:46:17off the face of the earth,

00:46:18adding perhaps

00:46:19as an afterthought

00:46:20it must have gone round

00:46:21to its auntie flows

00:46:22for some reason,

00:46:24doubtless having heard

00:46:25of a death in the family

00:46:26and wishing to offer

00:46:27its condolences

00:46:27and its being early

00:46:30closing day at the butcher's

00:46:31would lend

00:46:32some plausibility

00:46:33to such an assumption

00:46:34since there could be

00:46:35little other reason

00:46:35for its absence.

00:46:37Well,

00:46:37I wouldn't know about that.

00:46:39At all events,

00:46:40no matter with what fervor

00:46:41one might on occasion

00:46:42wish gravity to the devil,

00:46:44the disappearance

00:46:44of the universe

00:46:45would be something

00:46:46that as an old-age pensioner

00:46:48you would not greatly

00:46:49appreciate being saddled with,

00:46:51having enough to contend with

00:46:52already in these

00:46:53inflationary times.

00:46:54Oh, no.

00:46:55I wouldn't like to do

00:46:56without the universe.

00:46:57You'd kick up

00:46:58a bit of a stink,

00:46:59in fact,

00:46:59to use a homely expression.

00:47:01I think it would be

00:47:02a liberty.

00:47:03You think it would be

00:47:04a liberty?

00:47:04Yes, I do.

00:47:06On that somewhat unsettling note,

00:47:09we must leave Crown Court

00:47:10for today.

00:47:11Join us tomorrow

00:47:12for another installment

00:47:13in the case of

00:47:14Cosmic Planning Consultants

00:47:15versus the Rosenberg

00:47:16Research Foundation.

00:47:17and we'll see you next time.

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00:50:47INEPTITUDE

00:50:49IS A WORD

00:50:51WHICH HAS BEEN

00:50:53BANNED ABOUT

00:50:54operations advised upon by cosmic planning consultants and in far-flung places.

00:50:59Oh, certainly so in the Himalayas.

00:51:01Now, when you were called upon to act as guide to such of these old folk

00:51:04as needed to make the descent in the small hours,

00:51:07were you surprised in any way to learn that it was necessary for them

00:51:10to negotiate so difficult a route in order to be able to attend to a simple call of nature?

00:51:15Not when I knew who the planning consultants had been.

00:51:18Would it be true to say that they were a byword for incompetence wherever you went?

00:51:21Absolutely.

00:51:22They were indeed, not to put too fine a point on it,

00:51:25a standing joke in places as far apart as Worthing and Walla Walla

00:51:28than which no two places could be farther apart.

00:51:31Oh, difficult.

00:51:32Unless one perhaps were to take a very circuitous route.

00:51:35Exactly.

00:51:36Now, during the course of your duties, in and around Bellamy's folly,

00:51:40here at the summit of this escarpment in the Cairngorms,

00:51:43you must frequently have heard remarks passed by the pensioners

00:51:46in which the sighting of the lavatories was the subject.

00:51:49It was the sole topic of conversation.

00:51:51Nor was the tenor of these remarks notably flattering to cosmic planning consultants

00:51:55under whose aegis they had been placed there so awkwardly.

00:51:58They thought it was a disgrace.

00:52:00In a sense, therefore, it would be true to say that this particular boob,

00:52:04if that is not too strong a word,

00:52:06was, in a manner of speaking,

00:52:08a vindication of an already widespread and long-standing reputation

00:52:11for errors of a startling magnitude.

00:52:13That would be so.

00:52:16This is a strong witness whose evidence is potentially very damaging to the plaintiffs,

00:52:21whose counsel must now seek to undermine his credibility in the eyes of the jury.

00:52:25As an experienced mountain guide,

00:52:29who has been on many an expedition to Everest, among other mountains,

00:52:33you were called in on this scheme at an early stage

00:52:35to reconnoiter in the Alps for a suitable site

00:52:38prior to Bellamy's folly,

00:52:41being, as it were, found to be tailor-made for the purpose.

00:52:44That is so.

00:52:45And you were combing the Alps on this, Alan,

00:52:48and were at the top of the Matterhorn

00:52:49when news reached you that the site had been found nearer home in the Cairngorms.

00:52:53Yes.

00:52:54What was your reaction to the news, as best you recall?

00:52:57I was a bit put out.

00:52:59You were, I suggest, hardly chuffed.

00:53:01No.

00:53:02You used the word typical, in fact.

00:53:05I may have said something of the kind.

00:53:07I suggest your disenchantment with this eventuality

00:53:10coloured your attitude and your thinking not a little.

00:53:13Not really.

00:53:14There was a further cause for dudgeon as well, was there not,

00:53:17when you returned for a time to your four more familiar haunts

00:53:21in the Himalayas,

00:53:22where you were wont to stray when not on duty,

00:53:25in the search, perhaps, for the perfect Himalaya,

00:53:29the Himalaya of your dreams,

00:53:31the Himalaya which nevertheless perpetually eluded you.

00:53:35I can't remember any dudgeon.

00:53:37Well, let me remind you.

00:53:40It is a fact, is it not,

00:53:41that while you were traipsing round the Alps on behalf of the defendants,

00:53:45you picked up the habit of yodelling

00:53:47from such Swiss Alpine guides

00:53:50as you were thrown amongst from time to time,

00:53:53insofar that it began to grow on you

00:53:56and you found yourself doing it almost by force of habit,

00:53:59unaware that you were doing so.

00:54:02I indulge in the odd yodel.

00:54:04Rather more, I would suggest, than the odd yodel.

00:54:10So much so that there were complaints,

00:54:12and you had more than one brush with the Nepalese government about it.

00:54:16We communicated.

00:54:18What was the substance of those communications?

00:54:20I can't remember.

00:54:21Let me refresh your memory once again.

00:54:24The burden of the complaints made to you

00:54:28was that your yodelling, by your yodelling,

00:54:32you were keeping the entire sub-Indian continent awake at night,

00:54:36since you by now had taken to nocturnal yodelling,

00:54:40and that it was a case not to put too fine a point on it,

00:54:42a belt up or else.

00:54:43It was trumped up.

00:54:45I yodelled in an undertone at night.

00:54:49Can you give his lordship and the jury

00:54:51an example of what you mean by yodelling in an undertone?

00:55:07Oh! Oh!

00:55:10Perhaps not a welcome sound to the ears of the sleeping populace around.

00:55:19It echoed.

00:55:21Precisely.

00:55:22From Himalaya to Himalaya,

00:55:24and then south to Kornpor,

00:55:27and even more remote regions.

00:55:30If the wind were in the right direction,

00:55:31you could have been heard as far away as Tibet.

00:55:33Only once.

00:55:34I would suggest to you that reactions to your yodelling were characterised by a singular lack of restraint,

00:55:42and that a rising out of this, hackles rose on both sides.

00:55:45Not all that much.

00:55:47And it is this feeling of suppressed rancour

00:55:50that colours your interpretation of the remarks you say you overheard

00:55:54from the old-age pensioners when descending to the lavatories at night and at other times.

00:55:58I'm only saying what I heard.

00:56:01Some cheerfully disrespectful remarks.

00:56:05Remarks indicative of a certain degree, perhaps, of blunt humour,

00:56:09from which there was a total absence of any kind of rancour,

00:56:12and partaking of the nature of light-hearted pleasantries.

00:56:16Not to be taken too seriously.

00:56:19The air was blue.

00:56:20At such an altitude, and in so rarefied an atmosphere,

00:56:25conversation might well have begun to flag,

00:56:28but for some such fodder to keep it going, might it not?

00:56:32And the pensioners might well have been grateful for some topic of this nature,

00:56:36to keep boredom at bay.

00:56:39That was not my impression.

00:56:41Nevertheless, it's possible.

00:56:43It's possible, yes.

00:56:46That is my case, my lad.

00:56:48The hearing is now entering its final stages,

00:56:51as counsel for plaintiffs embarks on his speech to the jury.

00:57:02This case, members of the jury,

00:57:05has been marked by a number of irrelevant side issues,

00:57:08which I propose to deal with and dispose of at the outset.

00:57:13We've heard evidence, for example, from expert witnesses

00:57:15in respect of rubber teeth.

00:57:19Rubber teeth, it has been said,

00:57:21have the advantage that if they happen to fall out, they bounce.

00:57:24Now, it is not perhaps generally known,

00:57:27for instance, that a tiger in the wild

00:57:29can be driven clean out of its mind

00:57:32by the simple stratagem

00:57:33of replacing its own teeth,

00:57:36under a suitable anaesthetic,

00:57:37with rubber ones.

00:57:38When next it attempts,

00:57:42ineffectually to tear at its prey,

00:57:44the hapless tiger,

00:57:46unaware that rubber teeth have been substituted for its own,

00:57:50will look around in total bafflement,

00:57:53as it tries ineffectually, again and again,

00:57:55to dismember its prey.

00:57:56Well, what of the prey thus spared?

00:58:02Will it not perhaps start as a result

00:58:03to adopt a perhaps fatally lardy-dar attitude,

00:58:08under the erroneous impression

00:58:09that it bears a charmed life?

00:58:11It is clearly part of Council's strategy here,

00:58:14as it has been throughout,

00:58:15to deflect attention away from those matters

00:58:17which are germane to the case,

00:58:19and concentrate instead on side issues

00:58:21of doubtful relevance.

00:58:22And this is what is happening here.

00:58:25The jungle is a cruel place.

00:58:29And we would be wrong to suppose

00:58:30that this in any way

00:58:31justifies the contention on behalf

00:58:33of the defendants of this action,

00:58:35the Rosenberg Research Foundation,

00:58:37that their remarks were in any sense fair comment.

00:58:41Rubber teeth having been effectively disposed of,

00:58:43Council winds up his speech to the jury

00:58:45by referring to a point he himself raised

00:58:47earlier in the hearing

00:58:48and wishes now to heap scorn upon.

00:58:54Much has been made during this hearing

00:58:56of the responsibility devolving upon Sir Isaac Newton

00:59:01in having discovered the force of gravity

00:59:04in, we are told,

00:59:05the back of a boot and shoe cupboard.

00:59:08Had he not done so,

00:59:10we are invited to assume,

00:59:13no harm would have befallen

00:59:15any of the unfortunate age,

00:59:17the old age pensioners,

00:59:19whose precipitate arrival at the bottom

00:59:21of a 3,000 foot drop

00:59:22has so incommoded them.

00:59:24No, this is not a matter

00:59:27that I propose to spend time on now.

00:59:30Sir Isaac Newton's was a mind,

00:59:33in the poet words were celebrated phrase,

00:59:35forever voyaging through strange seas of thought alone.

00:59:39Now it is there I would suggest

00:59:42that it might be left.

00:59:45There, I think we might also leave it.

00:59:48We will resume at 2.15.

00:59:51As we return to the court,

01:00:01counsel for the defence is making his final submission to the jury,

01:00:04and we pick him up as he enters upon his peroration.

01:00:07It has been said, members of the jury,

01:00:11that to err is human.

01:00:13I would suggest to you

01:00:14that to err no fewer than 231 times,

01:00:18and on a quite disproportionate scale,

01:00:20as cosmic planning consultants have done over the years,

01:00:23is not human,

01:00:25but superhuman.

01:00:26The plaintiffs are bringing this case

01:00:29because they say

01:00:29they have been injured in their reputation

01:00:31by the words complained of.

01:00:33One might well ask what reputation?

01:00:35A reputation for making monumental boobs?

01:00:38Cock-ups on a scale

01:00:39altogether unprecedented

01:00:40in the field of engineering?

01:00:43I would suggest to you

01:00:43that their reputation,

01:00:45so far from being in any way injured,

01:00:47has been abundantly vindicated.

01:00:49We have heard how venture after venture

01:00:51on which the plaintiffs have been advisers

01:00:53has come to a disastrous end.

01:00:55We have heard indeed of no single project

01:00:57which has succeeded.

01:00:59The record is one of disaster

01:01:00following upon disaster.

01:01:02They have, it might be said,

01:01:03a reputation for ineptitude

01:01:05unmatched anywhere in their field.

01:01:08All my clients have done

01:01:10in publishing the words complained of

01:01:12is to advance that reputation,

01:01:14not diminish it.

01:01:16In my submission, therefore,

01:01:18the plaintiff has failed to establish his case,

01:01:20and I will ask for judgment

01:01:21for the defendants with costs.

01:01:23It is clear that this line of reasoning

01:01:25has impressed the jury

01:01:26and is causing some concern

01:01:28to the plaintiffs,

01:01:28who must now be anxiously awaiting

01:01:30the judges summing up.

01:01:33Libel is the publication

01:01:35of a false and derogatory statement

01:01:38about someone

01:01:38which may have a tendency

01:01:40to injure him

01:01:41in his office,

01:01:42fashion,

01:01:43or trade.

01:01:45The defence is one of justification

01:01:47and fair comment.

01:01:50Now, in order that this defence may stand,

01:01:53you, the jury,

01:01:54must be satisfied

01:01:55that the words in question

01:01:56are based on facts truly stated,

01:01:59or that they are honestly believed

01:02:01to be true,

01:02:02and that the defendants

01:02:03were not inspired by malice

01:02:04against all the plaintiffs,

01:02:05and finally,

01:02:07that they are on a matter

01:02:08of public interest.

01:02:12What?

01:02:13There's some problem

01:02:13actually with it.

01:02:15Where?

01:02:16Outside the court, my lord.

01:02:17Well, is there someone there

01:02:18to deal with it?

01:02:18It can be arranged.

01:02:19Very well, very well.

01:02:23Why does it always happen

01:02:25when I'm on?

01:02:26Well, where's the...

01:02:27You are a lecturer

01:02:33in anthropology

01:02:34of the University of Wykefield?

01:02:36Yes, I am.

01:02:38It says here

01:02:38you've had wide experience

01:02:39in this field.

01:02:40I've had wide experience

01:02:42in a number of fields.

01:02:44How wide were these experiences?

01:02:46They varied in well.

01:02:47How wide was the widest of them?

01:02:50Well,

01:02:51was it broad wide?

01:02:54Very wide?

01:02:54Wider at one end

01:02:55than the other?

01:02:56It bulges out

01:02:58in the middle.

01:02:59You are not a stranger,

01:03:00perhaps,

01:03:00to experiences

01:03:01which bulge out

01:03:02in the middle?

01:03:03This is a witness

01:03:04who, having arrived

01:03:05too late to give evidence

01:03:06to counsel

01:03:07from the witness box

01:03:08as she had hoped,

01:03:09must make do

01:03:09with a cleaning lady

01:03:10in whose capable hands

01:03:12she can safely be left

01:03:13as we go back into court

01:03:14where the judge

01:03:15is now dealing

01:03:16with the evidence

01:03:16given by Mrs. Startferret

01:03:18concerning her husband's visit

01:03:20to a commissioner for oaths.

01:03:23This is a matter

01:03:24of which,

01:03:25because it has no bearing

01:03:26whatsoever

01:03:26on the case before you,

01:03:28you must expunge

01:03:29totally from your minds.

01:03:31For this reason,

01:03:32I must take you through

01:03:33Mrs. Startferret's evidence

01:03:34in some detail,

01:03:36since no smallest

01:03:37scintilla

01:03:38of doubt

01:03:39or uncertainty

01:03:40must exist

01:03:41in your minds

01:03:42as to what it is

01:03:43you are disregarding.

01:03:45Mrs. Startferret's

01:03:46husband,

01:03:47you will recall,

01:03:48was nailing up

01:03:49a picture

01:03:49of the infant Jesus

01:03:50in their living room

01:03:51when he struck

01:03:52his thumb

01:03:53with a hammer.

01:03:53The Vinniehammer

01:03:54with which he was proposing

01:03:55to knock in the nail

01:03:57to hold the picture.

01:03:59His natural impulse

01:04:00was to cry out

01:04:01using one of a vast number

01:04:05of putative expletives

01:04:07of which it may be

01:04:09sodden blast

01:04:10would be a fairly

01:04:12representative example.

01:04:14Mr. Startferret,

01:04:15being a responsible citizen,

01:04:17restrained himself

01:04:18at that juncture,

01:04:20holding back the oath

01:04:20with the help

01:04:21of a gag,

01:04:22quickly improvised

01:04:23by his spouse

01:04:24the moment he saw

01:04:25how matters lay,

01:04:27and made off,

01:04:28accompanied by

01:04:29Mrs. Startferret,

01:04:31hot foot

01:04:31to his nearest

01:04:32commission of oaths

01:04:34in order to let him,

01:04:35as the expression is,

01:04:37have a right mouthful

01:04:39and so get it

01:04:40well and truly

01:04:40out of his system.

01:04:43It was no part

01:04:44of his plan,

01:04:46however,

01:04:47on setting out

01:04:48for the solicitors

01:04:48in the high street

01:04:49that he should be hit

01:04:51on the head

01:04:51with a chair leg

01:04:53almost immediately

01:04:54on injury.

01:04:56Nevertheless,

01:04:57this is what happened.

01:05:01For what followed,

01:05:04I must call on counsel

01:05:05to refresh my memory,

01:05:07and the jury

01:05:08will therefore

01:05:08absent themselves

01:05:09for a few moments

01:05:10until asked to return.

01:05:11It is a most unusual

01:05:13departure from

01:05:14normal judicial practice

01:05:15for a judge to interrupt

01:05:16his summing up

01:05:17in this way.

01:05:18One can only assume

01:05:19that a page of his notes

01:05:20has been made illegible

01:05:21in some way,

01:05:22perhaps by Coco

01:05:23having been upset

01:05:24over them.

01:05:26Nothing legible

01:05:27in my notes here

01:05:28as to how it was

01:05:30proposed to bring

01:05:30the husband round again

01:05:32after he'd been

01:05:33laid low by means

01:05:34of the chair leg.

01:05:35I think it was

01:05:35intended to give him

01:05:36what was described

01:05:37by witness as a kick

01:05:38up the backside,

01:05:39my lad.

01:05:39Well, that would

01:05:40certainly be in keeping,

01:05:41but the whole thing

01:05:42seems to be the smack

01:05:43of the Middle Ages.

01:05:44It is a bone of contention

01:05:45as to how best to deal

01:05:46with this situation,

01:05:47my lad.

01:05:48It has been known indeed

01:05:48for a solicitor

01:05:49to require help

01:05:50and to find himself

01:05:52tossing a semi-comatose

01:05:53client around

01:05:53like a rag doll

01:05:54in a somewhat desperate

01:05:56and indeed vain

01:05:57attempt to produce results.

01:05:58Yes, a client

01:05:59over whom it would be

01:06:00a perfectly simple matter

01:06:02I would have thought

01:06:02to throw a bucket of water

01:06:04and achieve the same result

01:06:05much more simply.

01:06:06There is a school of thought

01:06:07which does favour this,

01:06:08my lad,

01:06:09but it has all too frequently

01:06:11been known

01:06:11for a client

01:06:13to come round

01:06:13and kick one

01:06:14rather forcibly

01:06:15on the shins.

01:06:16Yes, with the added problem

01:06:17that the solicitor

01:06:18when so kicked

01:06:19may involuntarily

01:06:20come out

01:06:21with an untrimeditated oath.

01:06:23And in so doing

01:06:23bring the law

01:06:24into disrepute?

01:06:25Yes.

01:06:26The instances have occurred

01:06:27as solicitors ending up

01:06:28in Dartmoor

01:06:28breaking stones

01:06:29as a result

01:06:30of unauthorised irregularities

01:06:32in the oaths procedure.

01:06:33And this is not

01:06:34an eventuality

01:06:35that one would wish

01:06:36to encourage.

01:06:37Indeed, Lord.

01:06:38For many,

01:06:40there would be

01:06:40a tendency,

01:06:41my lad,

01:06:41on seeing this happen

01:06:42to others,

01:06:43to say this is not

01:06:44what I came into

01:06:45soliciting for.

01:06:46Yes, one can readily

01:06:47imagine some such response.

01:06:49It is nevertheless

01:06:50a matter that should

01:06:51be looked into

01:06:52with the least possible delay,

01:06:54possibly by the setting up

01:06:55of a Royal Commission

01:06:56or some other machinery

01:06:58such as our legislators

01:06:59and their wisdom

01:06:59may devise.

01:07:00I think we could have

01:07:01the jury back now,

01:07:02if you please.

01:07:04Meanwhile,

01:07:04witness is still being

01:07:05questioned in the corridor

01:07:06outside the courtroom.

01:07:08Perhaps you would care

01:07:09to look closely

01:07:10at this photograph.

01:07:11It is a photograph

01:07:12of a field,

01:07:13is it not,

01:07:13taken from the air.

01:07:14Yes, I recognise it.

01:07:16It is the very field,

01:07:18is it not,

01:07:18in which you had

01:07:19the experience,

01:07:20one of many,

01:07:21which, as you put it,

01:07:22bulged out in the middle.

01:07:23I remember it

01:07:24because normally

01:07:25I tend to go

01:07:26for the kind of experience

01:07:27which is the same width

01:07:29all the way down.

01:07:30And up?

01:07:31Up too.

01:07:32What was it about

01:07:34this particular field

01:07:36that caused

01:07:37the experience

01:07:37you had in it

01:07:38to differ so radically

01:07:39from those

01:07:40you'd had elsewhere?

01:07:41There were thistles.

01:07:43As we go back

01:07:44once more to the court,

01:07:45the judge has come

01:07:46to the very crux

01:07:47of the matter

01:07:47the jury will

01:07:48shortly have to consider.

01:07:50What you have to decide,

01:07:52members of the jury,

01:07:53is whether the words

01:07:54used are capable

01:07:55of having a damaging

01:07:57interpretation

01:07:57in the minds

01:07:59of reasonable people

01:08:00reading them

01:08:01or listening to them.

01:08:03Now let me repeat

01:08:04these words to you.

01:08:06They have made

01:08:07a right old bollocks up

01:08:08from start to finish

01:08:09and we are going

01:08:10to take them

01:08:11to the cleaners

01:08:11over this

01:08:12and call their bluff

01:08:13once and for all.

01:08:16Now you or I

01:08:17reading these words

01:08:18in a weekly publication

01:08:19or a daily newspaper

01:08:21or coming across them

01:08:22in a letter

01:08:23over the breakfast table

01:08:24might well be disposed

01:08:26to think first sight

01:08:27but that criticism

01:08:28of some kind

01:08:29is being levelled

01:08:30at the person

01:08:30or persons

01:08:31towards whom

01:08:32they are being directed.

01:08:34A right old bollocks up

01:08:36from start to finish.

01:08:39But let us look at this

01:08:40in the context

01:08:42of the other remarks

01:08:44of which it forms part.

01:08:46We are going to take them

01:08:47to the cleaners.

01:08:48We are going to call

01:08:49their bluff

01:08:50once and for all.

01:08:53Well these are the kind

01:08:54of phrases

01:08:55that one would use

01:08:56or are they not

01:08:56where one in a certain

01:08:58particular kind of mood.

01:09:00If perhaps one's wife

01:09:01had been more than usually

01:09:02cantankerous at breakfast

01:09:04or the car battery

01:09:07was flat

01:09:07when one was attempting

01:09:08to start the car

01:09:09in pursuit of some

01:09:10perhaps rather attractive

01:09:11young woman

01:09:12disappearing rapidly

01:09:13into the distance

01:09:14one would be looking

01:09:16would one not

01:09:17for some way

01:09:18of relieving

01:09:19one's feelings.

01:09:20never the less

01:09:24what you have to decide

01:09:26having respect

01:09:27both to the facts

01:09:29and to what you know

01:09:30of human nature

01:09:30is whether

01:09:32any reasonable person

01:09:33reading those words

01:09:35they have made

01:09:36a right old bollocks up

01:09:37from start to finish

01:09:38and reading them

01:09:39in the context

01:09:40of the other remarks

01:09:41would modify them

01:09:43in his own mind

01:09:44in the light of what

01:09:45reading between the lines

01:09:47he can infer

01:09:48about the writer's

01:09:49state of mind

01:09:50at the time of writing.

01:09:52If he says to himself

01:09:53this person

01:09:55this geezer

01:09:56has clearly

01:09:57got out of bed

01:09:58the wrong side

01:09:59on the morning

01:09:59he wrote this

01:10:00and is just getting it

01:10:01out of his system

01:10:02at the expense

01:10:03of the plaintiffs

01:10:03so it hasn't got

01:10:04to be taken too seriously

01:10:06then you may feel

01:10:08that the charge

01:10:08of malice

01:10:09falls down

01:10:10since no reasonable

01:10:12person would attribute

01:10:13malice to it.

01:10:14If you accept this

01:10:16it would seem

01:10:17to follow

01:10:17that any damaging

01:10:19imputation contained

01:10:20in the words

01:10:21they have made

01:10:22a right old bollocks

01:10:24up from start to finish

01:10:25is non-existent

01:10:27since no reasonable

01:10:29person knowing

01:10:30the state of mind

01:10:31in which the words

01:10:31were set down

01:10:32would believe them

01:10:34to be literally true.

01:10:37The fact therefore

01:10:39that they are

01:10:40literally true

01:10:41if as the defendants

01:10:43have tried to show

01:10:44it is a fact

01:10:44is you may think

01:10:46neither here

01:10:47nor there

01:10:48and may be ignored

01:10:50except by those

01:10:52who have suffered

01:10:52as a result.

01:10:55The facts therefore

01:10:56that you have to consider

01:10:57are simple ones.

01:11:00It is now

01:11:00for the jury

01:11:01to retire

01:11:02elect a foreman

01:11:03and reach

01:11:03their predetermined

01:11:04verdict.

01:11:05members of the jury

01:11:14will your foreman

01:11:15please stand

01:11:15please answer

01:11:18these questions

01:11:18yes or no

01:11:19have you decided

01:11:20upon the answers

01:11:21to the agreed questions

01:11:22which you have

01:11:23before you

01:11:23yes

01:11:24were the words

01:11:25complained of

01:11:26in the defendant's

01:11:27letter

01:11:27and subsequent

01:11:28interview

01:11:28likely to bring

01:11:30the plaintiff

01:11:30into hatred

01:11:31ridicule

01:11:32or contempt

01:11:33yes

01:11:33were the statements

01:11:35true or believed

01:11:36without malice

01:11:37to be true

01:11:38by the defendants

01:11:38yes

01:11:39what sum of damages

01:11:41do you award

01:11:42to the plaintiff's

01:11:43cosmic planning consultants

01:11:45one page

01:11:46you can join us again

01:12:08when our cameras return

01:12:09to bring you another case

01:12:10in the Crown Court

01:12:15with his chill

01:12:17and efforts

01:12:17like

01:12:17nothing

01:12:18calls

01:12:19him

01:12:19the

01:12:21people

01:12:22a

01:12:23time

01:12:24when

01:12:25asks

01:12:25you

01:12:25guess

01:12:27how

01:12:28what

01:12:29can

01:12:30deal

01:12:31with

01:12:32has

01:12:33happened

01:12:34and

01:12:35let

01:12:36go

01:12:37ahead

01:12:37or

01:12:39is

01:12:41related

01:12:4420

Crown Court - ''An Upward Fall'' (1977) P1-P3 HD - Michael Jayston, Raymond Huntley, Anton Rodgers

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