00:00What's an excuse to call off work that a boss can't argue with?
00:02I can't come in today. My house is gone.
00:04My manager, Quinton, laughed through the phone.
00:06What do you mean gone, Barnes? Did you forget to pay rent again?
00:08I mean it's literally not there anymore.
00:10A sinkhole opened up at 3 a.m. and swallowed it whole.
00:13Right, and I'm the queen of England.
00:14Barnes, you've called in sick with food poisoning three times this month.
00:17Last week, your car supposedly broke down on the same day as the company picnic.
00:20Now, your house magically disappeared?
00:22Get your ass to work or you're fired.
00:23I hung up and stared at the massive crater where my kitchen used to be.
00:25The hole was easily 40 feet across and God knows how deep.
00:28My neighbor, Mrs. Russell, stood in her bathrobe, mouth hanging open.
00:31Santos, where's your living room?
00:32Bottom of the earth, apparently.
00:33The first news van pulled up as I was trying to figure out if my car insurance covered acts of geology.
00:38A reporter with perfect hair jumped out, followed by a cameraman.
00:41Sir, can you tell us what happened here?
00:42I woke up around 3 a.m. to use the bathroom, stepped into the hallway, and there was no hallway.
00:47Just a big hole.
00:48Thought I was dreaming until I heard my refrigerator crash somewhere down there.
00:51Were you injured?
00:51Just my ego.
00:52And my cat's still missing.
00:53Mr. Barnes was sleeping on the couch when it happened.
00:55My phone buzzed.
00:56Quinton again.
00:57Barnes, I'm not playing games.
00:58You have exactly one hour to...
01:00Turn on Channel 4 News, the morning show.
01:01I'll wait.
01:02I heard him fumbling with his remote through the phone.
01:04The reporter was setting up for a live shot, using my crater as a backdrop.
01:08We're here at 1247 Maple Street, where a massive sinkhole has completely destroyed this family home.
01:13The resident, Santos Barnes, miraculously escaped injury.
01:16Quinton's voice came back quieter now.
01:17Holy shit.
01:18That's actually your house.
01:19Yep.
01:19And my uniform's somewhere at the bottom of that hole with everything else I own.
01:22So I'm calling in naked, too.
01:23More news vans arrived.
01:24Channel 7, Channel 12, even the Spanish station.
01:27Neighbors gathered behind the yellow tape that firefighters had put up.
01:30The Channel 4 reporter turned back to me.
01:32Sir, how do you feel about losing everything you own?
01:34I looked directly at the camera, still holding my coffee mug.
01:36The only thing I'd managed to save.
01:38Well, I definitely don't have to worry about my morning commute anymore.
01:41Or doing dishes, or paying my mortgage technically.
01:43A firefighter approached.
01:44Sir, we need to evacuate the surrounding houses.
01:46This thing might still be growing.
01:47Growing?
01:48Sinkholes can expand without warning.
01:49We're getting everyone out for safety.
01:50Mrs. Russell grabbed my arm.
01:52Santos, where will you go?
01:53Probably my mom's.
01:54Or maybe I'll just camp out here and charge tourists admission.
01:57My phone rang again.
01:58Quinton's name on the screen.
01:59Barnes, Jesus, I'm watching you on live TV right now.
02:01This is insane.
02:02Pretty much sums up my morning.
02:03Look, take the week off.
02:04Hell, take two weeks.
02:05Company policy covers natural disasters.
02:06I'll talk to HR about emergency funds.
02:08Thanks, Quinton.
02:09Oh, and if you see a gray tabby cat on the news, that's Mr. Barnes.
02:11There's a $50 reward.
02:12You're worried about your cat right now?
02:14He's probably the only family member who won't say,
02:16I told you so, about buying this house.
02:17The Channel 12 reporter intercepted me.
02:19Sir, what's your message to other homeowners?
02:21Check your homeowners insurance.
02:22Apparently sinkholes are an act of God.
02:24And nobody covers acts of God except actual God.
02:26And he's not returning my calls.
02:27Quinton was still on the line, laughing now.
02:29Barnes, can you get me on camera?
02:30This is incredible publicity for the company.
02:32You want to exploit my geological disaster?
02:34I want to help and maybe get our logo on the news.
02:36Win-win.
02:36By noon, I was trending on social media.
02:38Sinkhole Quinton was getting thousands of shares.
02:40The mayor showed up for a photo op.
02:41We're going to help this brave resident rebuild his life.
02:44Brave?
02:44I fell out of bed and ran.
02:46Not exactly Medal of Honor material.
02:47Quinton called one final time that day.
02:49Barnes, think you could mention the company name a few more times on camera?
02:52Only if you give everyone hazard pay for working above unstable ground.
02:55Deal.
02:56Even disasters have silver linings.
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