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Family-Guy-Season 4 Ep16-The-Courtship-of-Stewies-Father.
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00:00I am so bored.
00:04Hey, dog, when you take a break from reapplying your lipstick, how about taking me to the park?
00:08My lipstick?
00:09Oh, oh, oh, right, right, right, because of my penis.
00:14Yeah, that's, that's, that's fantastic.
00:18Lois, Brian won't take me to the park.
00:20Then he talked about his ding-dong.
00:23Lois?
00:25Lois!
00:26Dammit, woman, pay attention to me!
00:27Ow!
00:27Oh, Stewie, that's not nice.
00:30Don't grab Mommy's pants like that.
00:32You could really hurt her.
00:33Yes, yes, I could, couldn't I?
00:35I could hurt Mommy.
00:37Shame on us, Rupert.
00:39How dare we succumb to boredom while that wretched woman continues to breathe?
00:43She must be destroyed.
00:44With Lois out of the way, I could finally focus on my life's ambition of taking pictures of Madison County.
00:52Let's go back and take a bath.
00:54Yeah, how about you go back and take a bath?
00:57Griffin, have you filed those shipping reports yet?
01:02Angela, Angela, come here, check this out.
01:04Look at what this chick is doing to this polar bear.
01:07Wait, wait, it, it's up.
01:09Wait, wait, wait, it's, it's coming up.
01:13Ah!
01:13Oh, there you are, Opie.
01:17Congratulations.
01:18You made Employee of the Month again.
01:22How come I'm never Employee of the Month?
01:24Man, this is the worst job I've had since I was the conductor for the Sand People Choir.
01:29And a one, and a two.
01:30No, no, no, no, no, the Altos were early.
01:37Now, this is the worst glee club I've ever...
01:39Oh, oh, come on, where are you going?
01:41The benefit's tomorrow.
01:43Relax.
01:43The Sand People frighten easily, but they'll be back.
01:46And in greater numbers.
01:47Well, that'll give us a richer harmony.
01:48Oh, yeah, no, it's gonna sound fantastic.
01:50Help! Somebody! I'm blacking out!
02:07Brian, help me!
02:08Ah!
02:12Ah!
02:15Ah!
02:17Ah!
02:20That jerk Opie got Employee in a Month again.
02:24All because my boss hates me.
02:26Maybe you need to brow-nose her a little bit, Peter.
02:29Really? I thought you said she was ugly.
02:31Oh, oh, oh, you mean the kiss-up to her.
02:33That's a great idea, Joe.
02:34And if that doesn't do it, you could always just work hard and be polite.
02:39That's how I won friends when I worked for E.
02:42Seabiscuit! Seabiscuit!
02:44Would you mind talking to E?
02:46I'm not Seabiscuit. I'm Penelope Cruz.
02:48And you're just lovely.
02:51Would you like a carrot?
02:55Good girl.
02:57Brown nose, huh?
02:59All right, I'll do something special for her.
03:06Surprise!
03:07Griffin!
03:08What the hell are you doing at my house?
03:10Well, I asked around the office, and everybody said you liked animals,
03:12so I organized a surprise cockfight.
03:15Ta-da!
03:17Oh.
03:17Oh, boy.
03:19Oh, boy.
03:20Oh, God.
03:21Uh, well, uh, looks like they killed each other.
03:25Uh, that was probably what all that racket was about an hour ago.
03:29Um, well, I will see you Monday.
03:32Ah, crap.
03:45Well, looks like the good Lord just sent me a conversation starter.
03:49Come here, Jesse.
03:50Come and get the ball.
03:51Down by the shores of the hanky-panky
04:09Where the bullfrogs leap from bank to banky
04:12Oh, how unfortunate.
04:16Miss Hobson, Stewie's really been acting out a lot at home,
04:19and I was just wondering, how's he been behaving at school?
04:22Hmm.
04:23Mrs. Griffin, let me show you some pictures he drew in class.
04:31Notice anything unusual?
04:33I sure do.
04:34His father's not in any of them.
04:36Exactly.
04:37Wow, Peter's been very preoccupied with work lately.
04:40I guess Stewie's been missing his father.
04:43Thank you for letting me know.
04:47Damn, she moved.
04:48Well, I suppose it's not the first time someone's made a miscalculation.
04:56What happens to us in the future, Doc?
04:58It's your kids, Marty.
04:59Something's got to be done about your kids.
05:00What do you mean?
05:01Your daughter marries a black man.
05:04That's actually not a big deal for me.
05:06Yeah, me neither.
05:08What?
05:09What?
05:09I, you, really?
05:11Yeah, I mean, well, what's, what's wrong with that?
05:13Uh, no, no, nothing.
05:14Nothing.
05:15It's nothing, I guess.
05:16I think, I think it's great.
05:17Congratulations.
05:19I don't think I'm comfortable around you anymore.
05:21Did you know peanut butter was invented by a black man?
05:24Too late, Doc.
05:24Oh, hi, Herbert.
05:26Oh, hi, Herbert.
05:31What brings you here?
05:32It seems your son's baseball broke one of my windows the other day.
05:36Oh, my God.
05:37I am so sorry.
05:39Chris, this is going to come out of your allowance.
05:41No.
05:42Perhaps we could work something out.
05:44I could use a strapping young man to do some chores around my house.
05:48That seems fair to me.
05:50Chris, you have damaged this man's property.
05:52And until you pay off the debt, you'll do whatever job he wants you to do.
05:56And at the end of the day, if you're exhausted and your face is dripping wet, well, that just
05:59means you did a good job.
06:01That sounds fun.
06:03I don't want to spend my weekend doing chores.
06:06You know, Chris, a little hard work can do wonders.
06:08Just look at how they built the pyramids.
06:10They say all peoples must go through some hard times.
06:13Well, we Jews are getting ours out of the way early.
06:16From here on out, it's going to be nothing but smooth sailing.
06:21I have an announcement to make.
06:23Don't you do it.
06:24Don't you lose a single pound.
06:26I don't care what those Hollywood image makers say.
06:28Big women are sexy.
06:30I wanted to tell you that Opie will not be receiving Employee of the Month because he's
06:34being promoted.
06:36Oh, yes.
06:36That means I'm Employee of the Month.
06:38No, you're not, Griffin.
06:40I'm giving it to Soundwave.
06:41So I can just put my stuff anywhere?
06:47My wife, Denise, we met in a Christian chat room.
06:53Peter, we need to talk about your son.
06:55The fat one or the funny looking one?
06:56Ha, ha, ha.
06:58Dad called you fat.
07:00Wait.
07:01Stewie's really been acting out lately, and I think it's because he's not spending enough
07:05time with you.
07:06It's time that you take an interest in your son.
07:08Starting today, I want you to spend more time with Stewie.
07:11Uh, okay.
07:13You can make a box fort.
07:14See, here's a box.
07:15You can pretend it's a fort.
07:17Actually, that sounds like fun.
07:18I want this.
07:19I'm king in here.
07:21Peter, maybe Stewie would like to play fort, too.
07:25No!
07:25If you need me, I'll be in space.
07:32Great idea bringing Stewie to Fenway Park, Peter.
07:34Yeah, there's no better place for a father and son to really get to know each other than
07:38a ball game.
07:39Uh, where is Stewie?
07:40Is that a baby in there?
07:45Oh, my God.
07:47He's gonna miss the game.
07:50Hey, you guys.
07:51You remember those hot homeless twins who live under the overpass?
07:54Well, last night, I...
07:55Wait, wait, wait.
07:55Quagmire, let me cover Stewie's ears.
07:57And this is the ham that caused all the trouble.
08:14Got your nose, little guy.
08:19Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip club?
08:23He smells like sweat and fear.
08:25Let me tell you, Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their A-squad.
08:29I actually saw bullet wounds.
08:31You can't just take him places you want to go.
08:33He's a baby.
08:34Look, Lois, I think I know how to spend time with my own kid, all right?
08:38The bond between a father and son is sacred.
08:42I'm sorry, Jesus, but my house, my rules.
08:45Up yours, Joseph.
08:46You're not my real dad.
08:51Hello?
08:51Hey, Dad.
08:52Um, it's me.
08:53Listen, things here aren't working out anymore, and I was just, I was wondering, can I come
08:58live with you and Janet for a while?
09:00Oh, wow, kiddo.
09:02Uh, you know, I'd love that, but I don't know if now is the best time.
09:05Uh, maybe next year, okay?
09:06I'll see you Friday night.
09:08Tell your mother I sent the check.
09:09So where were we?
09:11Right about here.
09:12Aw, come on, baby.
09:15It's my birthday.
09:16No.
09:17All I'm saying is that you just need to find an activity that you and Stewie can share.
09:22Uh, Peter, can you reach that box of rice?
09:26Ow!
09:26Oh, sorry, Lois.
09:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh, oh, oh, oh, that rice got you, bitch.
09:31Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:32Hey, Stewie's laughing.
09:33Hey, you think that's funny?
09:34Hey, you like that?
09:35Hey, hey, Lois, you want some beans with that rice?
09:37Ow!
09:38Oh, oh, I misjudged you, fat man.
09:41Damn it.
09:41Peter, what's wrong with you?
09:43Wait, wait, wait, Lois, Lois, don't move.
09:44Stewie's loving this.
09:45Oh!
09:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:47See if she's got any cash on her.
09:49Okay, Stewie, get the camera ready.
09:57I'm a penis! Stop it! What the hell are you doing?
10:01What do you think I'm doing? I'm bonding with Stewie.
10:11There is nothing more precious than a baby's laughter.
10:19Oh my god!
10:49Oh, ho, ho, ho!
10:52Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
11:04Jeez, I hope she can get out.
11:05No, I'm sure she'll be fine.
11:09Well, hello there, young man.
11:11I was starting to think you weren't coming.
11:13Sorry I'm late, Mr. Herbert.
11:15Well, I guess I'll get started.
11:17You know, if you get sweaty and want to take your shirt off, that'd be just fine.
11:22Or tie it in a knot. Your choice.
11:28We now go live to Ollie Williams in the Channel 5 Traffic Copter.
11:32What's the scene, Ollie?
11:33Everybody looks like ants!
11:34Probably because you're up so high.
11:35Coming up next, an exclusive interview with Andrew Shue.
11:39Hey, hey, Dad. Dad, pull my finger.
11:42What?
11:43Sounded like a peep-toed.
11:44But it's not summer.
11:47Hey, Drippy. You're back. What's for dinner?
11:51Peter, when I said bond with Stewie, this is not what I had in mind.
11:56I am furious with you.
11:57You can't talk to him like that.
12:00Take that!
12:02Stewie, you go into your room.
12:04I think not. Dad's got my back.
12:06Eh, Stewie, she looks mad. You better go to your room.
12:09What's the matter with you, fat man?
12:10Stop her! Help me, you fool!
12:12You traitor! I trusted you, but you're a wuss!
12:16Oh, I don't feel bad, Peter.
12:17Hey, I know what'll cheer you up.
12:19I don't think I'm in the mood.
12:21Are you sure?
12:23It's peanut butter jelly time!
12:25Peanut butter jelly time!
12:26Peanut butter jelly time!
12:28Way up! Way up! Way up! Way up!
12:31Now, there you go! There you go!
12:32There you go! There you go!
12:34Peanut butter jelly!
12:36Peanut butter jelly!
12:37Peanut butter jelly!
12:39Peanut butter jelly!
12:40Sorry, Brian.
12:41It's just not doing it today.
12:43Do the peanut butter jelly!
12:44Peanut butter jelly!
12:45Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!
12:46Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!
12:57Hey, Stewie, you got a minute for your daddy?
13:00Get out of here, you spineless elf!
13:02Oh, and by the way, I faked all those bowel movements.
13:05Brian, I feel awful. Stewie and I were getting along so good, now he hates me.
13:10How do I get him to like me again?
13:11Well, that depends. Do you really want my advice, or are you just asking random questions again?
13:15What's a hypotenuse?
13:19Stewie, I know you're a little mad at me right now, but when you see where I'm taking you, you're going to change your mind.
13:24Two-year ride, I'm going to change my mind.
13:26We just sat on a plane for three hours to come to Florida, God's waiting room, for who knows what...
13:34Oh, Disney World! Disney World! Disney World!
13:36I want to go to Disney World! Oh, Disney World!
13:41I'm still mad at you.
13:45Hey, check it out, Stewie. Halle Berry's Wild Ride.
13:55Oh!
14:05Wow! It looks like Michael Jackson's coming right at me!
14:08I say, we've been puttering around this fat farm for hours. I've had enough.
14:14Hey, Stewie, they got... Stewie?
14:17Oh, my God, he's gone!
14:18Has anyone seen my son? Hello?
14:21Hey, it's the crows from Dumbo.
14:22Hey, you guys seen my son?
14:24Oh, I done seen about everything, but I sure enough ain't seen your boy no how.
14:29Ah, that's good old-fashioned family racism.
14:31Well, well, a lost child. Looks like we've got a new recruit.
14:44Ah!
14:46Now, sing!
14:47I shall do no such thing!
14:48You must sing!
14:49If you don't, it's gonna make you do a Christmas movie with Tim Allen!
14:53It's a tiny, tiny world. It's a tiny, tiny world.
15:01Is Chris still doing chores for that disgusting old man?
15:04Meg, that's not nice. Old people have a lot to offer society. Just look at Kim Cattrall.
15:10Mm-hmm. Come and get it, big boy.
15:14Oh, damn.
15:19There we go.
15:20Thanks for buying me dinner, Mr. Herbert.
15:29Oh, I wanted to thank you properly for all your hard work.
15:32Souvenir photograph?
15:33Hell yes!
15:34He rakes and trims of grass
15:52He loves to mow and weed
15:57I cook like Betty Crocker
16:01And I look like Donnery
16:05There's plastic on the furniture
16:09To keep it neat and clean
16:13In the pine soul-scented air
16:16Somewhere that's green
16:19Between our frozen dinners
16:21Between our frozen dinners
16:22Between our frozen dinners
16:24And our bedtime
16:269-15
16:27We snuggle watching Lucy
16:29We snuggle watching Lucy
16:31On a big, enormous 12-inch screen
16:39When you see them
16:41In the pine soul-scented air
16:43The maple tree
16:44In the pine soul-scented air
16:46The maple tree
16:47In the pine soul-scented air
16:48The maple tree
16:49He knows best.
16:52The kids play howdy-doody
16:56as the sun sets in the west.
17:01A picture out of better homes
17:06in Garden's magazine.
17:11Some day I know
17:20we too will go
17:26somewhere that's green.
17:41Are you dead?
17:50It's a tiny, tiny world
17:53It's a tiny, tiny world
17:57It's a tiny, tiny world
18:00It's a tiny, tiny world
18:03I say, Fat Man, get me out of here!
18:06Oh, Stewie, there you are, thank God!
18:08Why are you dressed like Rerun?
18:11You're free, children!
18:14Run back to your individual
18:15countries of origin!
18:17Hey!
18:18Those multicultural slave children
18:20belong to the Disney Corporation.
18:21Get them, Ahmed!
18:24Uh, uh, hey, look over there!
18:26There's a woman learning!
18:37Quick, in here!
18:41Startin'
19:06Looks like we're in the clear.
19:18Michael Eisner!
19:19Cover your heart!
19:20Kalima!
19:21Kalima!
19:22Kalima!
19:23Kalima!
19:24Kalima!
19:25Kalima!
19:26You betrayed the shareholders!
19:29You think he's dead?
19:40Nah, nah.
19:41He'll be back on his feet in no time.
19:42Probably follow when Jonathan Dolgen's footsteps wind up with a pod deal over a touchstone.
19:46You all right, Stewie?
19:47You know what, fat man?
19:49I'm not sure how to say this without sounding cheesy, but, uh...
19:52Well, you really came through for me today, so I...
19:55I...
19:56Oh, what the hell?
19:58Aw, I love you too, buddy.
20:00Come on, Stewie.
20:01Let's go home.
20:03Hmm, Florida.
20:04Just think, somewhere in this state right now, Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy.
20:12Well, Jesse, I guess we gotta find some other way to spend our evenings.
20:17And now back to ESPN's exclusive coverage of the Little League World Series.
20:21Oh-ho, jackpot!
20:28Bye.
20:29Yeah.
20:30And now, we'll do it.
20:31If you want to see the next week, we'll catch up on the line, then we'll catch up on the
20:32end.
20:35Bye.
20:36Bye.
20:37Bye.
20:38Bye.
20:39Bye.
20:40Bye.
20:41Bye.
20:42Bye.
20:43Bye.
20:44Bye.
20:45Bye.
20:46Bye.
20:47Bye.
20:48Bye.
20:49Bye.
20:50Bye.
20:51Bye.
20:52Bye.
20:53Bye.
20:54Bye.
20:55Bye.
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