- 2 days ago
Family-Guy-Season 4 Ep14-PTV.
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00:00Maybe Dennis Radaman gonna punish him with his crazy hair
00:08Ok ok ok lets go, ok
00:10This is a message to all Americans
00:14Im not gonna do that now
00:18I gotta get all the laughs out
00:21laughs out okay all right stop making that face over there what are you doing I can't he makes
00:31that face and it makes me laugh okay you know just turn around turn around I don't care where
00:36you look just look over there okay all right they're cracking they're cracking up over there
00:40okay oh yeah yeah look who's snickering over there mister I can't do a suicide bombing because I'm
00:46sick he had a note from his doctor he brought a note from his doctor it's a suicide bombing
00:54what are you okay all right okay all right here we go here we go this is gonna get all serious now
00:58okay death I can't do it I can't do it I can't oh come on now you're just trying to make hey wait
01:07wait wait wait wait wait look look at the rubber chicken you know I should just I should do like
01:12the whole tape with this in my hand you know just totally like with the chicken right here because
01:15everyone would be like what what the hell what is what is death to Americans just let him do it
01:21let him do the tape don't play me it was the chicken it was he was oh no no no no actually
01:27no you know me better hey wait wait wait just walk out like this like just like just come out like
01:32this but just like all serious like just totally like completely serious like like I don't even
01:36know I'm wearing them death to America what what what are you looking at what do I have something on
01:43my face right here what boys I'm just wearing my regular glasses I always wear these it's me in
01:50an 80s movie right yeah he got it he got it over there the little guy got it who is that guy I've
01:57never seen them around here before how's it going chief good day to you sir and now prepare to die
02:03to the run
02:05all right
02:08yeah
02:11yeah
02:12yeah
02:18yeah
02:23yeah
02:28yeah
02:28yeah
02:30Who... who are you?
02:43I'm Stewie Griffin.
02:46And don't ever let me catch you guys in Quahog!
02:49Whoa!
03:19Hey Stewie, who the hell is that?
03:43Peter, it's 5.30 in the morning.
03:46Oh, sorry, Lois, I didn't know you were home.
03:48What the hell are you doing?
03:50I'm laying down the red carpet. The Emmys are on tonight.
03:52Oh, God, don't tell me you forgot about Meg's play tonight.
03:55But, Lois, Meg sucks.
03:57Everything she does is so freaking terrible and depressing.
04:00Plus, I went to her first grade play that one time.
04:02Oh, Robin Hood, the king is keeping me prisoner here in his castle.
04:06Don't worry, Maid Marian. I'll save you.
04:08Boy, you guys are not sucking me into the story at all.
04:11I'm just telling you for your own benefit,
04:13I'm very aware that I'm watching a play right now.
04:16Come on, I gotta watch the Emmys.
04:18Peter, you're going to Meg's play, and that's that.
04:21Is that that now, Mrs. That's That?
04:24If you're gonna shoot me, you might want to tie your shoelaces first.
04:29Now, are you gonna go to Meg's play or not?
04:31Yes!
04:32You like eating red carpet, tough guy?
04:34Yes!
04:35Say you like eating red carpet!
04:37I like eating red carpet!
04:39Giggity.
04:40God, why do you wear those rainbow suspenders?
04:48Well, I could tell you, but I'd rather show you through interpretive dance!
04:54Oh, crying, baby. I'll take him out.
05:07Uh, you know, Lois, if we leave now, we can get home and catch the Emmy for Best Documentary.
05:12Um, I hear there's one on vacuuming.
05:15Really? Well, that sounds interesting.
05:17Wait a minute. You can't fool me that easily.
05:19You are not watching the Emmys tonight. Now, shush.
05:26Uh, excuse me. I gotta go do some black guy stuff.
05:29Ah! Man, this sucks worse than my 16th birthday party.
05:33Thanks for coming to my birthday party, Jake Ryan.
05:36Thanks for having me to your birthday party, Peter. Make a wish.
05:40It's already come true.
05:42Here's your present.
05:44No, Jake! Not like this!
05:46Ah!
05:49Our top story, beloved entertainer Bob Hope, briefly came back to life today,
05:55only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident.
05:57Hey, I'm gonna jump all those trash cans.
06:00Uh-huh.
06:04In other news, actor David Hyde Pierce created a major controversy at the Emmys last night,
06:10when a trouser malfunction caused him to expose his testicles.
06:13Sure glad I didn't miss the Emmys, Diane.
06:15Oh, that's just great, Lois. Thanks to you, I missed a moment of television history.
06:19Well, now you know how George W. Bush felt when he showed up in Vietnam.
06:25All right, let's do this. Let's kick some ass.
06:27Uh, George, the war's over.
06:29What?
06:30Yeah, it's done.
06:31Get out of here. Are you serious?
06:32Yeah.
06:32Oh, man, oh, man, I just got your messages, and I, oh, I'm sorry.
06:36George, it's been over for a while.
06:38Really?
06:39Yeah, it's 1981.
06:40It's, oh, oh, wow, oh, so I'm way late. Oh, boy.
06:43Yeah.
06:44Uh, well, you wanna do something else?
06:45I got some blow.
06:46Son of a bitch, took you this long to tell me? Break it out, man!
06:49Gentlemen, we got 20 calls about the David Hyde Pierce incident, and as you know, one
06:56call equals a billion people, which means 20 billion people were offended by this.
07:01Needless to say, something must be done.
07:03Perhaps we should ask the chairman.
07:05Good idea.
07:06Uh, sir, we're wondering what course of action you recommend regarding the Hyde Pierce incident.
07:11You've got to censor television, you fools! Now follow my orders.
07:19And now, stay tuned for Three's Company.
07:24Jack, are you out there? I want to show you my new bikini.
07:27What the hell? Why are they blocking out all the good stuff?
07:30It's the B*** Van B*** Show, starring B*** Van B***.
07:35They're messing with my shows.
07:37Come to think of it, there was something very different about that Honeymooners episode I watched today.
07:41One of these days, Alice, one of these days.
07:44I'm going to help stimulate the economy by buying an American car.
07:47This must be the FCC overreacting to the David Hyde Pierce incident.
07:51They're censoring anything that might be viewed as unpleasant.
07:54What the hell?
07:55They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV, and she looks like a foot.
07:59Well, mark my words, I'm going to fight this.
08:03You're on TV, Mr. Tucker. Can't you do something about this?
08:06Well, Peter, I'm flattered you came to me for help.
08:08We'll have more after this.
08:11Good evening, we're back.
08:12Peter, to answer your question, if you want to control content,
08:15you'd have to start your own television station.
08:17My own TV station?
08:19I haven't had my own business since I ran that mail order operation.
08:22Yeah, I bought a giant life-size slingshot from you, and it just slammed me into a mountain.
08:27Sorry, no returns.
08:28I've been a customer here for years.
08:29I can maybe give you a store credit.
08:31But, really?
08:32Well, I guess...
08:33What's the hold-up in here?
08:35I'm taking care of it!
08:37Peter, what are you doing?
08:39What is all this stuff?
08:40Dad's starting his own TV station, but I'm not supposed to tell Mom because she's just going to bitch him out.
08:46What the hell do you expect to accomplish with this?
08:48I'm saving television, Lois.
08:50Apache Chief, put the satellite on the roof.
08:52Sure, Peter.
08:53Apache Chief.
08:54E, nay, Chuck.
08:59Well, that was the high point of my day.
09:02Guess I'll go gamble.
09:10Hi there, I'm Peter Griffin, and you're watching P-TV, where you get to watch your favorite shows as nature intended them, with all the sex, violence, swearing, and farts intact.
09:21Like the episode of All in the Family, where Archie got the Jeffersons to move.
09:26Time for you to move there, uh, Jefferson.
09:28Oh, Archie, I can't see out of my sheets.
09:32Eat it, will you stifle yourself? We're supposed to be incognitous.
09:36And who could forget that classic episode of the Waltons?
09:40Good night, Jim Bob.
09:41Good night, Mary Ellen.
09:42Good night, Pa.
09:43Good night, Jim Bob.
09:45Good night, Elizabeth.
09:46Good night, Pa.
09:47Good night, Ma.
09:48Good night, Elizabeth.
09:50Good night, John Boy.
09:52Good night, John Boy.
09:56John Boy?
09:57Damn it, can't a guy masturbate in this house?
10:02Peter, look at these numbers. We're a hit.
10:04What? You know, if I were you, I'd think about expanding your programming somehow.
10:08Brian, that's a great idea.
10:09That's exactly what we need to take PTV to the next level.
10:13Original programming.
10:15Hi there, and welcome to the Peter Griffin Sideboob Hour.
10:18A wonderful look back on all the partial nudity network television used to offer.
10:22Look at that side boob.
10:25Check out this side boob.
10:28How about that side boob?
10:30That turn you on?
10:31Well, it shouldn't, because that's my side boob.
10:36Good night, everybody.
10:37So, what do you think?
10:39I'm not sure, Peter.
10:40You gotta be careful about what you put on your network.
10:42You know how impressionable children are.
10:44I mean, remember what happened after Chris saw Jackie Mason?
10:47Chris, you should have left for school already.
10:49Oi, Sixer, don't start with me.
10:51I didn't go. I wanted to go. I forgot to go. I should have gone.
10:53Chris, just go.
10:54Mom, relax. You look so Haggid's episode.
10:57You should lie down or you hop my go-
10:59Lois, don't worry about it.
11:00I got a bunch of great new shows lined up.
11:02Cheeky Bastard is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
11:05Oh, my God. Where's my roast pheasant?
11:07By now, I think it's in my lower intestine.
11:12You ate it?
11:13But I told you my boss was coming here for dinner.
11:15Well, unless he likes pork rinds, he's going home hungry.
11:20You cheeky bastard.
11:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:27Welcome to Midnight Q.
11:28Tonight, we're going to enjoy the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus.
11:32Norman Mailer is here to read an excerpt from his latest book.
11:35And then we also have a girl from Omaha who's hiding a banana.
11:38And we'll find out where.
11:39Giggity, giggity, giggity, goo.
11:41Stick around.
11:45Ugh, more fan mail.
11:46Sheesh, Brian, people freaking love us.
11:48We're gonna be huge.
11:49Peter, I really want you to cancel that show
11:51with the animals having sex.
11:53For your information, Lois, it's called dogs humping,
11:55and it is the cornerstone of our Wednesday night lineup.
11:58Lois, responsibility lies with the parents.
12:00There are plenty of things that are much worse
12:02for children than television,
12:03like when Peter babysat for the neighbor's kid.
12:06All right, I couldn't find your toys,
12:08so why don't you just play with us blow dryer
12:11and these rattles?
12:12Well, guess that's it.
12:13Well, you probably want me to get out of your hair,
12:15so here's to Drano in case there's a clog.
12:17Uh, soap's right there next to the radio,
12:20and towels are on the roof.
12:21So, uh, good night.
12:24Look, it's one thing for a network
12:26to run inappropriate shows
12:27that I can't do anything about,
12:29but I will not have it happening in my own house.
12:31Lois, there is absolutely nothing inappropriate
12:34about my programming.
12:38All right, Dad, you're on.
12:40Hey, PTV fans, welcome to Douchebags.
12:43We're out here on the I-95 overpass
12:45doing our first segment,
12:46I dare you to crap off of that.
12:49Basically, we'll spend the day
12:50crapping off things
12:51that others have dared us to crap off.
12:53I dared him.
12:54All right, here we go.
12:57I say, are those two pigs vomiting up there?
13:00Ah!
13:04Uh-oh.
13:05Now, Lois, before you start yelling,
13:07let me remind you
13:07that you were the one
13:08who recklessly drove into oncoming crap.
13:10It was inexcusable, Peter,
13:12and Stewie may never be able to ride in the car again.
13:15Turn off the windshield wipers.
13:17They don't work.
13:18They're just making it worse.
13:19Peter, that's it.
13:21I asked you to stop this
13:22and you didn't listen to me.
13:23I'm sorry,
13:24but you left me no other choice.
13:26I called the FCC.
13:27Oh, yeah, I know all about the FCC.
13:31They will clean up all your talking
13:33in a manner such as this.
13:35They will make you take a tinkle
13:37when you want to take a piss.
13:39And they'll make you call
13:40fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss.
13:43Here's the playing situation.
13:45There's no negotiation
13:46with the fellas at the freaking FCC.
13:49They're as stuffy as the stuffiest
13:54of special interest groups.
13:56Make a joke about your bowels
13:57and they order in the troops.
13:59Any baby with a brain
14:01could tell them everybody poops.
14:03Take a tip, take a lesson,
14:05you'll never win by messing
14:07with the fellas at the freaking FCC.
14:10And if you find yourself
14:12with some young sexy thing,
14:15you're gonna have to do her
14:20with your ding-a-ling.
14:23Cause you can't say penis.
14:25So they sent this little warning.
14:27They're prepared to do their worst.
14:29And they stuck it in your mailbox
14:31hoping you could be coerced.
14:32I can think of quite another place
14:35they should have stuck it first.
14:36They may just be neurotic
14:38or possibly psychotic.
14:40They're the fellas
14:41at the freaking FCC.
14:45Mr. Griffin, that was terrific.
14:52But I'm here to tell you
14:52that as of today,
14:53PTV is officially shut down.
14:55Shut me down, eh?
14:57Well, you'll have to catch me first.
15:11All right, you caught me.
15:13we're tired of you infecting people with your smut this is an epidemic and it
15:18must be contained well mr. FCC you can stop PTV but you can never stop people
15:23from being who they are or can we what are you doing censoring real life his
15:34chin looks like balls you want me to cover that too
15:38how long you guys gonna be censoring us until you and all of Quahog start to
15:44clean up your act like Ozzy Osbourne when he stopped biting the heads off bats
15:49before I start playing I'm gonna eat this whole sandwich
16:08I'll finish it later Lois these eggs are scrambled I thought for sure you'd be
16:14making eggs Benedict Arnold Brian stop writing jokes for Peter and Peter you
16:20brought this on yourself by putting on those filthy shows
16:23oh Lois you are so full of what no I can't say my own house great Lois just great you
16:32know you're lucky you're good at my or I'd never put up with you you know what I'm
16:36talking about when you lubed up toothpaste in my and a cherry Episcopalian
16:41extension cord wetness with a parking ticket that is the best
16:50what the hell is this the FCC has forbidden audible flatulence everyone is
16:55now required to wear this device that converts all fart sounds into Steven
16:59Wright jokes I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone oh this is bogus
17:06two shakes that's it move along oh why thank you tinkle fairy
17:12Lois you ruined everything you know that Peter I know it's a little extreme but
17:18when it comes to our children it's better to err on the safe side
17:22isn't that right no you know Lois if everybody was as close-minded as you the
17:26world wouldn't have some of its most inspired creations
17:29man this chocolate bar is delicious oh yeah I love peanut butter
17:38I'm officer Reese's what happened here he got peanut butter on my chocolate
17:47chocolate in my peanut butter oh come on I know it'll make you feel better how
18:00about a little angry sex huh no all right whoa whoa whoa those actions are
18:06highly inappropriate what wait a minute we're not allowed to have sex oh you can
18:10have sex just no moaning no tongue-kissing no thrusting no movement
18:14whatsoever
18:18well this isn't very romantic I mean how are we supposed to I'm done night Lois
18:25oh come on you son of a
18:31me Brian would you mind yeah sure oh sorry I haven't had sex in two weeks I'm just a
18:41little on edge lately a little there wasn't this much tension when the slaves
18:45were freed uh okay so uh you're free to go
18:48but we're cool right oh Peter we have to talk look I thought this FCC thing was a
18:54good idea at first but it's it's just gone way too far what uh what are you
18:58saying Lois well I don't want to admit it but I think you were right I don't
19:03believe it finally I can do this I set that thing up 15 years ago hey where's the
19:11clown we've got to do something about this pack your bag Peter we're going to
19:15Washington oh there he is are we there yet now Chris honey why not are we there
19:23yet now Chris are we there yet yes Chris yes okay we're there liar East of Eden so
19:31you you pretty much do whatever Oprah tells you to huh you know this book's been
19:34around for 50 years it's a classic but you just got it last week and there's a
19:38giant Oprah sticker on the front oh is that what that is let me just peel that
19:42right off so uh what are you gonna read after that one well she hasn't told us
19:45yet damn
19:49and the motion carries the janitor's new nickname is sweepy
19:55gentlemen that was a fart what's going on out here I'll tell you what's going on this
20:09government's FCC is trying to take all the farts away from television and all the sex and all the
20:14nudity and all the poop well I say it's wrong these things are part of the fabric of American life
20:20well we appreciate your passion but this Congress supports the FCC indecency is un-American oh yeah
20:26well I can prove to you that that's a bunch of bull look around you the Washington Monument looks an
20:32awful lot like a penis doesn't it the Capitol building quite obviously a giant boob and the
20:38Pentagon well you look me in the eye and tell me it doesn't look like a big anus my god how could
20:44we have been so blind he's absolutely right come to think of it have you ever looked closely at the
20:49Lincoln Memorial our top story the FCC's content ban on Quahog has finally been lifted well you did it
21:00Peter you beat the FCC Lois Lois let's watch the Brady Bunch look what I did everybody isn't it the
21:08biggest most super special poop you've ever seen well Cindy I guess it's true that big things come
21:14in small packages
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