00:13I'll be speaking on behalf of Bethany, and so, yeah, here it reads.
00:19My name is Bethany Funk, and I was roommates with Maddie, Kaylee, Zanna, and Ethan.
00:24I not only lost some of my best friends, but I also lost a sister.
00:30Never in a million years would I have thought that something like this would have happened to my closest friends.
00:41I thought that we were going to wake up and go upstairs, see them, and tell them how they had scared us,
00:47and that they were going to tease us about how we are constantly scaredy cats.
00:53I make jokes about it as we would go to Taco Bell like always.
00:59But sadly, that is not what happened and what turned out to be my worst nightmare.
01:04When I first woke up that morning, I had no idea what happened.
01:08I woke up around 7 with a terrible toothache, so I called my dad, who is a dentist, and he asked what I should do.
01:15So, he told me to take Advil, so I did, and I went back to sleep.
01:20I was still out of it and still didn't know what happened.
01:23If I had known, I, of course, would have called 911 right away.
01:27I still carry so much regret and guilt for not knowing what had happened and not calling right away,
01:33even though I understand it wouldn't have changed anything, not even if the paramedics had been right outside the door.
01:45I was so frantic that morning and scared to death, not knowing what had happened.
01:52And when I made the 911 call, I couldn't even get out the words.
01:58And from then on, I don't remember a thing.
02:00It was like my brain wiped that whole memory.
02:03That was the worst day of my life, and I know it always will be.
02:17While I was still in shock, trying to process the fact that my friends were truly gone,
02:22I had been attacked by the public, I was grieving, numb, and unsure of what had happened, was even real.
02:29And at the same time, I was getting flooded with death threats and hateful messages from people who did not know me at all or know the dynamic of our friendship.
02:41Social media made it so much worse, and strangers made up stories to entertain themselves.
02:45The media harassed not just me, but also my family.
02:49People showed up at our house.
02:52They called my phone, my parents' phones, other family members' phones, and we were chased while I was still trying to survive emotionally and grieve the loss of my friends.
03:00I hated and still hate that they are gone, but for some reason, I am still here, and I got to live.
03:07I still think about this every day.
03:09Why me?
03:10Why did I get to live, and not them?
03:14For the longest time, I could not even look at their families without feeling sick with guilt.
03:20I did not know what to say or what to do.
03:23I was terrified that my presence just made their pain worse, and I was still here when their kid, their siblings, and their friends, their loved ones should have been here instead.
03:32After everything happened, I was afraid to go into my own backyard or alone in my house.
03:39I was scared that the person who did this would come for me next.
03:44I was always scared that the media would try to catch me at any moment of any day, even when I was just walking around my house.
03:52I made my parents close all the blinds during the day so no one could see me even in the slightest chance.
03:58I barely left the house, and when I did, I made sure I was never alone.
04:02I slept in my parents' room for almost a year.
04:08I made them double lock every door, set an alarm, and still check everywhere in the room just in case someone was hiding.
04:17And I still check my room every night before, and I double lock it.
04:22I have not slept through a single night since this happened.
04:24I constantly wake up in panics, terrified.
04:27Someone is breaking in, or someone is here to hurt me, or I'm about to lose someone else that I love.
04:34The fear never really leaves.
04:36For a long time, I could barely get out of bed, but one day I realized I have to live for them.
04:45They did not get the chance to keep living, but I do, and I will not take that for granted.
04:50So now every day I remind myself to live for them, and everything I do, I do it with them in mind.
04:57I am still scared to go out in public, but I force myself to do things because I know that they would want me to keep living my life to the fullest.
05:06I am beyond blessed to still be here, and I refuse to take that for granted when they did not get a chance.
05:15Our house was not just a house, it was a home.
05:17It was where we laughed till we couldn't breathe, make meals, did crafts, binge-watch reality shows, played games, and spent lazy days on the couch.
05:26It was movie nights, wine nights, morning debriefs, pranks, hot chocolate, cookies, and warmth.
05:31I would cherish those memories forever, and I will not let what happened erase how special our home was or how much those memories meant to me.
05:38Now I would like to share some bits and pieces of who they were as people and some of the memories that we shared.
05:48One of my favorite memories was Halloween, and we all went to Sigma Chi, but instead of partying, we just sat in an apartment, talking and laughing all night long.
05:58I do not think I've ever laughed that hard in my life.
06:01We did not care about the party, we were just happy to be with each other.
06:04Zanna was one in a million.
06:08She was the life of the party.
06:24But she was also the kindest and funniest person I knew.
06:28Everyone loved her because she made everyone feel so loved.
06:34She was just someone you always wanted to be around, no matter the circumstance.
06:39One of my favorite days with Zanna was when she laid on the couch, when we laid on the couch together all day, watching movies and snacking.
06:46Or when she, Maddie, and I would go and get margaritas, chips, and salsa.
06:50She would also light up a room with her presence alone.
06:52And Kaylee had the most beautiful, radiant smile.
06:57And she was so kind, but also one of the funniest people I've ever known.
07:01She loved playing little pranks.
07:05She always had us laughing so hard that we could not breathe.
07:08She was so full of energy and life.
07:10I really believed that she could have ruled the world if she wanted to.
07:15And she would have been America's sweetheart.
07:18Ethan was the sweetest, most genuine guy.
07:21He was always smiling and always making other people smile, too.
07:26Ethan was the kind of person you wanted around.
07:29He was so kind and easy to talk to.
07:32And just so fun.
07:33And the way he cared for Zanna was truly something to admire.
07:37And really was proof that storybook love and true romances really do exist.
07:44I was not only, it was not only obvious to me, but everyone that was around, Ethan and Zanna, that they were absolute soulmates.
07:53Maddie was not only one of my best friends, but she was the older sister I would have always wanted.
07:59There was no one I looked up to.
08:03Or admired more than Maddie.
08:05She was truly a ray of sunshine, and everyone was drawn to her.
08:10She was so kind, loving, funny, fun, and passionate.
08:15She had the sweetest soul and wanted nothing but the best for everyone.
08:20And to love and show love to everyone.
08:22She took me under her wing and always made me feel so safe and included.
08:26And above all, loved and valued.
08:29She never failed to make me laugh or put a smile on my face.
08:34Still to this day, I am beyond grateful that she chose me to be her sorority little.
08:37And I thank God every day that I not only got to know her, but had her as one of my best friends.
08:43Honestly, I cannot pinpoint one favorite memory with Maddie because I have so many, and this would be a very long read if I did.
08:51But if some little memories with her that I cherish is when the two of us made a nice dinner and split some wine,
08:57or when we would binge watch Jersey Shore or Summer House.
09:00When we came up with a whole dance routine on Halloween and danced and sang all night like no one was watching.
09:08All the late night walks home from going out and just little shopping trips and so much more.
09:15I am beyond blessed that I had the chance to know each and every one of them.
09:19They changed my life in ways I would have never put into words.
09:21I hope that they are remembered for who they are and not what happened to them,
09:25because who they are were so beautiful, and they deserve to be remembered in the highest way.
09:32My heart breaks every time I go to text one of them or how badly I wish I could see and hang out with them.
09:38And then I remember I cannot.
09:41I will never be able to again.
09:43But I still talk to them in my prayers every single night, and I always will.
09:47I wish more than anything I could hug them one last time.
09:53And I wish I could tell them how much I love them.
09:56And even though I cannot, I still tell them every night I will keep living for them as long as I am lucky enough to still be here.
10:03And they were all truly one of a kind.
10:06And they will be in our hearts forever and always.
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